Latest / Bird on a Branch / Ep. 09 | The Formula for Chronic Illness
Transcript
- Carrie kirby: You guys have tried to record this a couple of times and literally someone is always knocking at the door. Mommy. Mommy. I just wanted to get this out to you. For my chronic health community. I have not really dove into this. It's a sensitive topic for me. I did touch on the belief system that was formed a long time ago when I was a little girl that in order to be loved I needed to be sick. That might sound insane to some of you, but for context, this video is mostly about. How trauma can make you actually chronically ill. Unresolved trauma sitting in your body. for the people that are going through Lyme disease, specifically Lyme disease or anything like it, it's a very spiritually driven disease. And it is also one of the hardest. but if you have any chronic health history, My heart is with you. I am super compassionate and deeply understanding, and I hope something that comes out of my mouth today, God please speak through me, will help serve someone feeling frustrated, alone, sick, like shit. Moms who are trying to or caretakers who are trying to take care of other people, sick. and I don't love to label people sick. I'm just saying unwell. I hope that you guys understand how deep this goes. I do not think any of us are just sick for no reason. There might be a lot of pushback on that. we're not talking about like, ooh, the children in different countries and why their soul signed up for no, that's not what we're talking about today. I'm talking about the belief that was formed when I was a little girl that I needed to be sick in order to be loved came from if you really track the wound, a traumatic event that was ongoing. aka trigger warning abuse abuse from from a sibling that was not only hurting me physically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, I was, I don't know, eleven, ten and went on through high school. when I reached out for help, I wasn't no one would help me. They wouldn't believe me and no one would help me. And so at some level I decided that it was me I was the problem. And slowly or quickly I started to do I started to destructive behavior, lashing out. you can watch the other videos on some of that, but at the same time I was struggling with chronic strep throat, a lot of chronic strep throat. And eventually I got mono in high school and all of that basically landed on Lyme disease and some other things. but in that process I did learn that I felt most loved and You know, part of the the lashing out and the destructive behavior was like sneaking out and skipping school and partying. And I was doing that because I was being hurt at home and when I said something for help, I know my parents did the best they could at the time, but they they didn't believe me. Period. I sh I'm not gonna make excuses. They didn't believe me, and so I did not get the help that I needed. therefore, you know, little girl feeling unprotected, super vulnerable, definitely scared to be at home. So I did everything possible to not be home, and not even be in my body, honestly, hence the partying and like and drugs and alcohol pretty early. But the health issues became very problematic, but also very clear that when I was home and I was too sick to be away from home. Sorry if you can hear my husband making a fucking smoothie in the middle of this. Gah. it's just real life, y'all. When I was homesick, I felt the nurturing love of my mother. Did I feel the other days? Yes. My mom was amazing. I felt Not in trouble, I felt like I wasn't a problem, which is kind of weird because sickness, like chronic health issues, can feel very burdensome. And I will say later on in life, it definitely became burdensome feeling, like I am a burden. Many of you can relate. But the trauma from the early part of my childhood, before the other trauma started layering on, became a belief system. that sat in my body. So not only did it create energetic blocks, it also created self-perpetuating belief systems because what you tell your body and what you continue to think becomes a belief. A belief is just a thought you keep thinking. So if your body truly believes I am only loved when I'm sick or I need to be sick in order to be loved, and I am bad. And that is like shame. Shame is I am just A problem, and I'm just bad at its core. Tons of shame, low self-esteem, sense of self not developed because of the abuse and the verbal, the verbal, emotional vileness that was spewed at me every single day, all day, every opportunity, and even when I went to school, because said sibling got all of their friends to do and to do the same thing, so I was very heavily bullied. and if you went to school with me and you're like, wait, you were? Yeah. Yeah, I was. part of this work is just so vulnerable putting the shit out there because I know people that I grew up with are gonna see it and they're gonna be like, I didn't know that about you. Well yeah. I was pretty good at masking the pain. You become good at masking the pain. But back to the chronic health issues. I am in the middle of a pretty bad flare. I feel like shit. And I'm just giving you context as to how that even started because it literally sits at the core of your whole being if you truly believe on some level, in order to get love, in order to receive love the way that you receive it. You have to be sick in order to do that. That is a really hard belief to break through. And I do believe, which is why I'm sharing, that there are many, many people who are suffering every day who actually have some form of that belief in their body based on some something linked to their caretakers. And this can get really complex, but I want to keep it high level and simple. And I want you to look at your relationship with food. That's a big one. That's one that I got into early in my coaching career, when I went one-on-one coaching, and my focus was on holistic nutrition. Just bear with me. I'm I'm a little bit tangent today because I'm not feeling great. But this is very much a channeled emotion and state that I feel like people need to know. And I think I think if you listen and you really ask yourself, if you're showing up here and you're seeing this, you probably need to hear it. I want you to look at your relationship with food, your body, your body image, the messages, the thoughts, the beliefs around your body, food, and your self-worth, how you sharpen relationships, all of that Is going to link back to your childhood, caretakers, modeled emotional safety. And I can 100% guarantee you that there is some sort of unresolved trauma. when there's unresolved trauma in the body, not only does it block the in traditional Chinese medicine, it's like meridians, so flush how energy flows in our body, but it literally can block different l hello, different organs. Hi Carrie, can you speak? So, like, for example, Epstein Bar is a big one. 90% of the population walks around with Epstein Bar. It's sitting in your ma immune system. Ta a normal immune system can modulate it, which means it can like handle it, but come along, you know, something like a huge hormonal shift, pregnancy, a trauma, a huge emotional thing that happens in your life, and boom, that Epstine Bar is reactivated and it's gonna act like mana. But Energetically, those things sit in your body as as energy blockages. And if you track back to that, those are there's typically some sort of event that is lodged in your system. I can feel myself like going between: do I stay on small t, big t trauma, or do I stay on the chronic health? I will speak more on small t big t trauma, but I will say. If you're watching this, you have experienced trauma. Whether it is small T or big T, the experiencer U is the one who gets to say it was traumatic. Okay? So small T trauma would be, let's say, a divorce. A divorce that affected you in a very big way. Just because it's small T doesn't diminish the actual thing. It's just a way of putting things into buckets of understanding like trying to discern like helping you discern what is small t and big t. Big T would be like a major accident. Something like that. so I will go into that in another episode, but everything that you experience that falls in the trauma the traumatic bucket is going to stay in your body and in your cellular memory until you release it. Which in order to release it, I'm I'm just I'm not I'm not pissing people off, especially therapists watching cognitive behavioral therapy if not for trauma. There is almost nothing good that comes from sitting and rehashing your trauma verbally, reliving it every time. So it can be helpful at first to process to help process what happened, but it is not going to dislodge the trauma from your system. You need somatic, you need energetics, you need emotional work, you need inner child healing, you need a trauma-informed Therapist or coach or someone who knows how trauma works in the body. But I will say the more you have experienced that lands in the body and nervous system is trauma, the more likely you're going to eventually have health issues, whether it's mental health, physical health, maybe you binge eat, maybe you have an eating disorder, maybe you have a dysfunctional relationship with food. y'all it literally looks a million ways so for me how i know i'm like reactivated is i get like ridiculously exhausted like exhausted we're like to the point where no sleep 10 12 hours and also like since my brain surgery I've needed more sleep, but my emergency brain surgery, which did I go into that yet? I don't think I did. I will. No amount of sleep can cure that level of fatigue. Malaise, just generally feeling sick, more easily injured, inflamed, just inflamed, out of balance. And you know, the astrology can really affect that too. But I just want to put this out there. If you are struggling with chronic health issues, please look. Be willing to look at your childhood, be willing to look at anything that you know and remember, and it's totally possible that you don't remember. The body and the brain will shut down and make you not remember. I mean, I can't tell you the things that I've had even remembered in the last five years just because my body was like, that's too many things. We need to save you. So it will literally like black out and try and save you. so I just wanted to give validation and allow whoever is seeing this to be feel seen and and understood that your body doesn't just break down. Like you're not just broken. I do not believe that. I do truly know As one of my clairs and and psychic knowings, claire car cognizance, which is like the I'm gonna go into the clairs also, but my know my deep knowing is that your body is made by God, and yes, different soul contracts can sign up for different diseases and that kind of thing. But in general, our body is amazing, miracles, and is built to be amazing. I do not believe that the body just breaks. I do believe that we go through things and our body keeps the score of what we've been through. So if you've developed a condition over time, if you have bad genetics, you guys, you are not doomed to bad genetics. The only way that you're doomed to those genetics is by epigenetics. And if you don't know what that is, look it up. But just because it's in your family doesn't mean you have to have it. If you have a bunch of trauma unresolved, you might turn that gene on. Yes. So it's a slippery slope with genetics. But I do not believe that we are broken. I do not believe that when you calm down with disease or an illness or a chronic illness situation, that is not just your body being dysfunctional. It is trying to tell you something. It is flagging you that it is not getting what it needs, that it's full capacity, that it cannot modulate the energetic blocks anymore, the suppressed emotions from those blocks. That would be guilt, shame, fear. I mean pain. There is like so much science out there that Pain disorders like fibromyalgia, autoimmune is very much linked to emotional beliefs. back issues, for example. Let's just take like chronic back issues. Back issues are linked to not feeling supported. It's so true, you guys. Like everything has an emotional translation, emotional energetic translation from being blocked. From being impacted by life experiences. I mean, one could argue, like, okay, but that means like everyone would be sick. Well, no, everybody's body and everybody's capacity and threshold is different. So I for example, I have one sibling that never had any trauma for the first thirty years of her life. And then, you know, she has things happen later on in life. But Everybody's life experiences are different and for me I've had a lifetime of trauma. Do I live in a third world country where there's like bombs being dropped on me? No. But my nervous system does not know the difference because to my nervous system, that's what it feels like. You know, the whole saber-tooth tiger, running from tiger nervous system on chronically all the time. I promise you, you're not gonna be able to stay healthy in that state. So the whole reason why I keep saying I'm gonna put out the nervous system regulation steps, I am gonna do that. but I just wanna speak, I just wanna validate if you're struggling with health, if you're struggling with any type of health, I'm talking any type of health, I promise it has to do with something that you've been through that you're not wanting to unpack. It's too much, it's too painful, it's not that big of a deal, you've diminished it in your mind. I hope this inspires you to go and do the work to heal because your body is not flagging you for no reason. You are a very wise, intuitive, energetic being in a meat suit vessel. The vessel is meant to work, okay? But the energetic body. Is what actually dictates how the vessel is. And if we do not take care of our vessel, it will break down. But if we do not take care of our energy body or emotional body, the vessel will keep the score of that. So it will manifest in sickness, aches, pains. And I really implore you to do the hard work, do the shadow work, look at what you're shunning from yourself, look at the part of you that you are. Shutting away hating the part of you that you know made mistakes along the way, the part of you that went through something really hard. I don't believe in victim mentality, but I do believe we are all victims of some really hard things, and it might be time to look at that if your body is yelling at you. You know, they always say your body will whisper, nudge, and Whispers will get louder and then it will yell, it will scream, and then and then you're sick. So don't let it get out of control. Listen to your body. There's a reason why it's acting a certain way. And if you need help unpacking that, that is literally what I do. I not really technically taking new clients, but if you really feel like super drawn to working with me, just let me know and I'll I'll see. I'm anyways. I hope this helps. Someone feels normal, validated, and hopefully encourages and inspires you to start to do the work if you haven't, or continue in your journey if you're on it already. I love you guys. I'm so grateful for your support. I know that this is you know all over the place and this isn't like super typical. Cast vibes, but I'm not a technical person, so thanks for bearing with me, and thanks for being on this journey with me.