Latest / Banish the Lies: Outsmart Your Inner Critic / 26: Maybe You Overreacted… But Not for the Reason You Think

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26: Maybe You Overreacted… But Not for the Reason You Think · Banish the Lies: Outsmart Your Inner Critic

• 0:01
  Speaker: Hey friends.
• 0:02
  Speaker: Today's episode came from a moment I wish I could do over.
• 0:05
  Speaker: It was a rushed morning, and what followed was a reaction that was way bigger than the situation in front of me.
• 0:12
  Speaker: What surprised me wasn't just that I lost my cool.
• 0:16
  Speaker: It was realizing why, because what I was reacting to had little to do with what actually happened that morning and everything to do with the decision I made a long time ago.
• 0:29
  Speaker: If you've ever wondered why your reaction sometimes seems stronger than the moment deserves, this episode is an invitation to look beneath the surface with compassion, not judgment.
• 0:42
  Speaker: And.
• 0:44
  Speaker: If this resonates, I'd genuinely love to hear from you.
• 0:48
  Speaker: You'll find a link in the show notes where you can send me a message.
• 0:51
  Speaker: I read everyone.
• 0:53
  Speaker: Welcome to Banish the Lies, the podcast where we outsmart that sneaky inner critic and get closer to the truth that sets us free.
• 1:04
  Speaker: I'm Tania Cervoni, your host and fellow work in Progress here to share real stories and small shifts that help you reclaim what fear and doubt once stole.
• 1:15
  Speaker: Let's jump in.
• 1:16
  Speaker: So this morning my daughter was running late.
• 1:24
  Speaker: She had promised me we would leave for school at a specific time because I had a meeting and I was already feeling rushed.
• 1:30
  Speaker: Well, between the running around and perhaps some poor time management, she wasn't able to honor that time.
• 1:38
  Speaker: We ended up leaving exactly 12 minutes late, and my reaction, if I'm honest, was, let's just say not one of my proudest parenting moments.
• 1:49
  Speaker: Frankly, it was over the top.
• 1:51
  Speaker: And I've been reflecting on why that was.
• 1:55
  Speaker: And yes, the delay was inconvenient.
• 1:58
  Speaker: I'd wanted at least 10 minutes to prep before the meeting, and yes, I was tired, which of course, never helps with self-regulation.
• 2:07
  Speaker: In fact, it can make it feel almost impossible some days, but I knew there was more to it, so I sat with it.
• 2:16
  Speaker: And what I realized is that I wasn't just reacting to this morning.
• 2:21
  Speaker: I was reacting to a decision I made a long time ago, and that decision was this.
• 2:28
  Speaker: I will never let anyone control me again.
• 2:34
  Speaker: That decision had nothing to do with my daughter.
• 2:38
  Speaker: It was made when I was very young.
• 2:40
  Speaker: I grew up in situations where.
• 2:44
  Speaker: I didn't always feel I had a voice or a choice, and culturally at the time, that wasn't uncommon.
• 2:53
  Speaker: I grew up in an era and an environment where, as the expression goes, children were meant to be seen and not necessarily heard.
• 3:02
  Speaker: Where children weren't really viewed as individuals with a right to express their opinions, especially when those opinions contradicted social norms.
• 3:14
  Speaker: Or the rules.
• 3:16
  Speaker: I remember feeling very confined, like I had to silence a part of myself, and somewhere along the way I made a decision.
• 3:25
  Speaker: Not consciously, I don't think, but it was there when I grow up.
• 3:31
  Speaker: I am not going to let anybody control me.
• 3:33
  Speaker: And what I saw this morning is that I was interpreting my daughter's behavior as a violation of that deeply held decision, and my perception of how she was behaving left me feeling perilous, like I was being controlled, and that my needs were being overruled.
• 3:58
  Speaker: And if I'm really honest.
• 4:00
  Speaker: I was acting like my power was in her hands, like I needed her to behave a certain way for me to feel okay.
• 4:09
  Speaker: And I'm sharing this because I'm thinking about all the times when someone says or does something and our reaction just doesn't match the moment.
• 4:18
  Speaker: It's because it's often not about what just happened.
• 4:25
  Speaker: It's about what got triggered.
• 4:28
  Speaker: Sometimes the moment is simply the match and the fuel was already there.
• 4:34
  Speaker: So this conversation is really an invitation to self-awareness and as always, not from a place of blame or judgment, but from a place of compassion with eyes wide open and.
• 4:51
  Speaker: It's to recognize that sometimes our reactions have very little to do with the other person.
• 4:56
  Speaker: They didn't create the wound, they just brushed up against it.
• 5:00
  Speaker: And as I reflect on this, I also see an opportunity to heal that part of me because that decision to say, you know, I will never be controlled again.
• 5:14
  Speaker: That was made when I was young, and it, it came from a place of not fully understanding the authority and the agency I actually have now.
• 5:23
  Speaker: And of course, as a child, I faced real limitations.
• 5:29
  Speaker: I, I couldn't come and go as I pleased.
• 5:31
  Speaker: I couldn't drive myself around or make decisions about money or any of that.
• 5:36
  Speaker: So those limitations were real.
• 5:39
  Speaker: Hmm.
• 5:40
  Speaker: But that belief no longer reflects the truth of where I am in my life now.
• 5:46
  Speaker: And it's time to let it go.
• 5:48
  Speaker: It's time to put down that armor.
• 5:50
  Speaker: Essentially, what I realize is that I no longer need to act out that old decision the way I did this morning.
• 5:57
  Speaker: There were opportunities to respond to my daughter.
• 6:02
  Speaker: Very differently to express myself without sounding frantic.
• 6:08
  Speaker: Honestly, I sounded like an overtired wired child throwing a temper tantrum, and that's not great for relationships.
• 6:20
  Speaker: It's also pretty terrible modeling as a parent that said, I'm not gonna stew in guilt.
• 6:26
  Speaker: I'll have a conversation with her.
• 6:29
  Speaker: I'll clean it up like I always do when I miss the mark.
• 6:33
  Speaker: And I actually think that's one of the most important things we can do, whether you're a parent or not, and that is to take accountability.
• 6:42
  Speaker: It doesn't erase the, the words or the tone or the F-bomb, you might have dropped, but it does help restore the other person's sense of self because it names something important.
• 6:54
  Speaker: The overreaction was never about them.
• 6:57
  Speaker: Now, in my case, yes, absolutely there were things my daughter could and should have done differently.
• 7:06
  Speaker: That's a separate conversation, but for now, I'm owning my reaction because at the end of the day, we can't control other people.
• 7:16
  Speaker: What we can do is model behavior that aligns with our values.
• 7:20
  Speaker: And my value is not to lamb aste people because they triggered a wound in me that's mine to own.
• 7:27
  Speaker: And to be clear, this isn't moral preaching from a pulpit.
• 7:32
  Speaker: This is simply about alignment, about how I wanna show up in the world, which ideally is from a place of love and compassion and respect and patience.
• 7:45
  Speaker: Okay.
• 7:45
  Speaker: Knowing of course that I'm perfectly imperfect and I'm going to screw up again, and when I don't show up the way I want to, it's an opportunity to look below the surface and ask what was the wound the salt fell into?
• 8:03
  Speaker: I'm obviously still learning to do this in real time, but I am seeing it more clearly now.
• 8:12
  Speaker: So the next time this happens, perhaps the question isn't, why did they do that?
• 8:22
  Speaker: Maybe it's what did that trigger in me?
• 8:26
  Speaker: Because more often than not, that's where the real work begins.
• 8:33
  Speaker: Thanks for listening to Banish The Lies.
• 8:39
  Speaker: If today's episode resonated with you, take a moment to let it settle in.
• 8:43
  Speaker: And maybe share it with a friend who could use it too.
• 8:46
  Speaker: Lies, lose their power when we're brave enough to challenge them.
• 8:50
  Speaker: I'm Tania Cervoni, and until next time, be kind to yourself.
• 8:55
  Speaker: And remember, you're not broken, you're not alone, and you don't have to stay stuck.