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How to Deal with Depleted Mother Syndrome · Arise Women of God

• 0:00
  How do you deal with depleted mother syndrome?
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  Over the last two episodes, we have defined depleted mother syndrome and we have walked through the five point depletion audit assessment.
• 0:12
  Today we arrive at the practical breakthrough.
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  How do we actually recover from depleted mother syndrome?
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  Let's be honest.
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  If one more person tells an exhausted depleted mother to just go and take a bubble bath or get your nails done, she might just scream, right, ladies, A manicure does not heal her, chronic sleep deprivation, her decision, fatigue,
• 0:39
  or a nervous system trapped in survival mode.
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  Real recovery is not about adding another wellness task to your overflowing to do list.
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  Real recovery begins with radical subtraction, taking mental breaks and and redistributing boundaries, as well as allowing space for holy rest.
• 1:02
  Stay tuned while we talk about taking things off your plate so that you can actually begin to refill your soul.
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  Ordinary women extraordinary faith.
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  Walking with Christ we arise God strong.
• 1:19
  Hello and welcome back to the Arise Women of God podcast.
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  I'm your host, Tamara K.
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  Anderson, and I am thrilled to have to have Wendy Christensen here with me today again.
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  Because as a wife, mom, and licensed clinical social worker, Wendy has a great perspective on dealing with depleted mother syndrome.
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  First, Wendy is going to share an analogy we've all heard on commercial airline flights that illustrates the spiritual and practical necessity of this change.
• 1:53
  I always see it as the airplane.
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  I love it when they're explaining when you're on an airplane and they're like, if we need to drop the oxygen mask, you put the oxygen mask on yourself first before you put it on your child or the person
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  next to you.
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  And I feel like that's what we have to do as moms dealing with burnout.
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  We have to put that oxygen mask on us.
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  Putting on your oxygen mask first is not selfishness.
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  It, it is stewardship.
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  If the mother passes out from lack of oxygen, the whole household crashes.
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  Right, ladies?
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  So how do we put on the mask today?
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  We're going to start with shift number one, lowering the homemaking bar.
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  In Luke, chapter 10, Jesus entered the home of Martha and Mary.
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  Verse 40 tells us that Martha was cumbered about much serving.
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  That word cumbered in the Greek literally means dragged down, pulled away and distracted.
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  Does that sound like motherhood to you?
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  Martha was trying to provide a five star feast, running herself ragged in the kitchen while Mary sat peacefully at the feet of Jesus Christ.
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  When Martha complained that Mary wasn't helping with the household chores, Jesus gently rebuked her.
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  Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled, distracted, right about many things, but one thing is needful.
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  And Mary Hath chosen that good part.
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  Please notice, Jesus didn't say serving was evil.
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  He said Martha was cumbered and troubled by the expectations that God had not placed upon her.
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  Motherhood is raising, disciplining, and loving human souls.
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  Motherhood is not keeping an immaculate living room 24 hours a day.
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  Let's listen to how Wendy gives every mom permission to release the domestic guilt.
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  You don't need to carry this heavy burden if you don't have everything under control.
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  Where the house isn't beautifully clean, when school is done and over with and dinner is sitting and ready and cooking and whatever it is, it doesn't always have to look that beautiful.
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  Maybe laundry is everywhere.
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  Maybe that household clutter is everywhere.
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  That's okay.
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  It doesn't mean you're a horrible, awful person or a horrible, awful mom.
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  We all hit burnout at some point in time, and it's just being able to take a deep breath.
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  And I always like to look at.
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  Okay, what's one small thing that I can do that will help me today and help me to feel like a normal person and help me to feel like I can breathe and I got something done and maybe that
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  one thing is for you so that you feel like the next day, okay, now I can do some.
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  I can do a load of laundry and I'm okay.
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  Oh, my friend, Let the laundry sit in the baskets unfolded this week.
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  Use paper plates for dinner.
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  Feed your family scrambled eggs and toast three nights in a row.
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  Freeing up your mental space is worth far more to your children than a spotless kitchen counter.
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  That brings us to shift number two.
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  The 92nd nervous system reset.
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  Oh, when you feel that sensory overload peaking at 5pm do not try to give a lecture or clean a mess.
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  Step into the hallway bathroom for 90 seconds, even if the kid's fingers are coming under the door.
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  And do this.
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  First, put your feet flat on the ground.
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  Next, drop your shoulders down and relax them.
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  Third, take what neuroscientists call a physiological sigh, which is two sharp inhales through your nose, followed by a long, slow exhale through your mouth like this.
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  That long exhale immediately signals that vagus nerve that you're not being chased by a predator.
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  Your prefrontal cortex, that logical thinking part of your brain, comes back online and you can step out of fight or flight, panic.
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  Then come shift number three, breaking isolation and redistributing the mental load.
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  You can't fix depletion in solitary confinement.
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  A bubble all by yourself.
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  Talk to your spouse or partner, but don't just Ask for vague help.
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  Transfer an entire set of choices and responsibilities over to them completely.
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  For example, honey, I need you to completely own the kids morning breakfasts and backpacks from start to finish.
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  That removes like 20 micro decisions from your brain every morning.
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  I remember also asking a friend to help me make freezer meals and as a young mom, and that helped significantly, not only with a friendship, but with the decision fatigue of what I'm going to make for dinner.
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  Or you can even ask kids to help unload the dishes every night or make a peanut butter sandwich all together on the countertop.
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  And if you're feeling completely alone, please listen to Wendy's vital encouragement about reaching out.
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  Maybe it could also be social isolation.
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  You don't have a supportive group of people around you and that can leave you feeling alone and very, very isolated.
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  So it's important to be able to recognize it and see it and seek help when you need it.
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  Seek help from a professional, a counselor.
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  Talk to people around you.
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  Talk to your partner if you feel like that's a safe person to talk to.
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  There are wonderful things out there, like 988.
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  It's a national number that's nationwide that you can call and you can talk to a counselor or a therapist or text them even anytime, 24 7.
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  If you're feeling, I'm struggling, I'm having a hard time.
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  You can always reach out and there will always be people that you can talk to.
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  Oh my friend, you do not have to walk this valley in silence.
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  Finally, we arrive at shift number four, receiving holy rest in Psalm 127:2.
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  Scripture gives us this profound truth.
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  It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil for he gives to his beloved sheep.
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  Oh my friends, God gives rest as a covenant gift to his beloved children.
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  When you intentionally rest, you're declaring faith that God runs the universe, not you.
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  And I know that sometimes our minds are spinning.
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  Mamas, just last night I was mulling over a conundrum one of my children was struggling with at three in the morning and I had to breathe, hand it to God and just say, you've got to hold this so
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  I can get some more sleep before I tackle today.
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  Ladies, we have talked today about how recovery isn't about adding a 10 step routine to your morning.
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  It's about having the courage to lay down the burdens that are crushing your spirit.
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  To help you do this practically, we have built an entire printable booklet called the Mom's Burnout Reset guide, which we are offering to you today for free under shift number six in this booklet.
• 9:24
  Peek at the Mom's not to Do Audit Instead of writing another overwhelming to do list, this worksheet gives you five specific filters Automate, Delegate, Eliminate, Change, and keep so that you can prayerfully decide, with God's help what you
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  should prune from your life today.
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  It gives you the permission slip to switch to paper plates, leave the clean clothes in the laundry baskets and set down what doesn't matter so that your family gets a peaceful mother instead of an exhausted martyr.
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  You can grab the guide free by clicking the link in the description below.
• 10:04
  Grab the not to Do List worksheet and cross off three things today so that you can give yourself room to breathe.
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  Oh my faithful friend, do not try to overhaul your entire life before tomorrow morning.
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  REM recovery from depletion happens one tiny micro deposit at a time.
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  Let's listen to Wendy's closing invitation on how to take that first step I found too.
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  Even if it's one small little thing, it doesn't have to be all of those things.
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  Sometimes it's like I did one small thing for me today and that just brought so much relief that I was like, oh, that was such a good thing for me today.
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  And that's okay too.
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  Whatever you can get along the way that's going to be taking care of you will help you show up as a mom and help you have less burnout.
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  One small thing today.
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  Maybe that one thing is taking a 15 minute nap while your kids have quiet time.
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  Maybe it's stepping outside to let the sunshine hit your face for three minutes of silence.
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  Maybe it's drinking a glass of cold water and saying a simple breath prayer.
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  Lord Jesus, please fill my empty cup.
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  Please don't forget Christ's invitation in Matthew 11:28 which stands true for you today.
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  Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
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  Put your oxygen mask on today, Mama, you are worthy of care, you are deeply loved by your Savior and you are never alone.
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  If today's episode helped you feel a little closer to God, please like and subscribe.
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  It helps us grow and ensures Heaven's whispers stay at the top of your feed whenever you need them most.