Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / Friday feature - Self validation

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Friday feature - Self validation · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Appoge production. Self validation a very very important topic to
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: talk about. What is that to you, Kiara?
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: It is validating everything I feel and treating myself as
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: I would others.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: It's just so important to validate yourself and it's so
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: beautiful when the people around you can validate you. But
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: it has to come from within, otherwise you just carry
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: around like a big bag of guilt and shame. And
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: that it is the lowest vibrational frequency that you can
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: be on. And I've felt that it's awful.
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And even like when you were talking to me
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: yesterday and you're like, I've just cried so much this week,
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: and I was.
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  Speaker 1: Like, how good.
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: But like you're moving, You're moving all that emotion. Because
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: if you don't let it out and you don't feel
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: the things you want to feel, it's got to come
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: back to bite your us, whether you end up getting
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: sick or you have a day where you fucking have
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: a panic attack. Like you're better off as you're feeling
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: these things to just sit in it, feel it important,
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: give yourself grace, release it, give yourself time. That's why
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: I always say the support you have around you're so
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: important because they remind you just validate yourself and it's
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: so healing when you have people around you.
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: To validate it. Yeah, but we have to get better
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  Speaker 1: at doing it for ourselves and that is something I'm
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  Speaker 1: working on now, Like, I've got to work on that more.
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: And I think so many people listening will relate to that. Yeah.
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm probably one of the harshest people that I
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: am to anyone is like on myself, Yes, because you think,
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: like I can handle this, I should be able to
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: handle that, you know, I'm like even at work, you're
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: the boss. With your family, I'm the mom, I'm the this.
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: Like you feel like you always need to kind of
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: have your shit together, Yes, but no one has their
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: shit together all the time.
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: All the time. So true.
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: We all just need to not be so hard on
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: ourselves and just hold more space for whatever it is
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: that we are feeling and whatever season we are in
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: and not hold shame and guilt around it.
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  Speaker 1: Yes, it's okay.
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: And if we are in a season where we are
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: feeling lower or we are feeling shit, like reminding ourselves
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  Speaker 2: it's not going to last forever. Yes, not going to
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  Speaker 2: be here, you know, we might still be here in
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: a few months. Time, but hopefully we can move through it.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: And I think it's really important for us as parents
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  Speaker 1: as well to practice this because the more that we
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: can do this on ourselves, our kids then witness and
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  Speaker 1: watch that. Yeah, Like I don't want my kids to
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: ever feel guilty or shameful or frustrated at themselves that
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: they're still upset about something. Yeah, Like you don't have
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: to get over something in a certain period of time,
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: Like healing is not linear, Like you don't know how
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: long it's going to take for you to feel better
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  Speaker 1: about something. And I would say that to my children,
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: like you can be upset for as long as you want,
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: unless it's about spilt milk or something. Joking, but you
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  Speaker 1: know what I mean. Like, the more we can do
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  Speaker 1: that for ourselves, it shows those other people around us
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  Speaker 1: that they are okay to do that as well, and
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: they've got that support. Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, and sometimes too, like just validating that if we
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: are feeling really shit and we can't move through it
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  Speaker 2: on our own, you can just reach out for some
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  Speaker 2: support and some help to help guide you to get through.
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: And if you are wanting to get obviously things are
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: last like months and months. Maybe that's where it's like going, Okay,
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: maybe I need help with this, Maybe I need some
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: sort of guidance, Maybe I need to take more time
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: to really unpack what the fuck is going on and
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: why am I feeling like this? And sometimes it's hard
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  Speaker 2: to actually figure out what is coming up, so you
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: just feel shit. You're like, what the fuck?
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: And that's frustrating in itself, so frustrating, and that's where
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: the girl can come. It's like I've even had thought
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  Speaker 1: process and I've caught it, but I'm like, well, you
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  Speaker 1: shouldn't be frustrated this, you shouldn't be stressed about this,
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  Speaker 1: Like how lucky you get to do this? And I
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  Speaker 1: start like being a bully. Yeah, I'm like, no, that's
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  Speaker 1: not what we do anymore.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's nice to be positive, and it's nice to
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  Speaker 2: look on the bright side.
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  Speaker 1: It's toxic positive. That's it.
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  Speaker 2: That's what I was about to say. But also we
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: need to have whole compassion for yourself.
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  Speaker 1: Grateful and how are you twenty four seven? Like all
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  Speaker 1: emotions are just that they're not who you are, but
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  Speaker 1: there's something that you feel and that comes and goes,
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  Speaker 1: just like happy and joyful and excited, angry, frustrated and
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  Speaker 1: sad are also emotions that you're gonna feel.
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  Speaker 2: So something as well. That's like popped up for me
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  Speaker 2: the last couple of weeks where I've caught myself of
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: being like too harsh on myself is going to dancing
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  Speaker 2: because I've darted going back and I fucking loved it,
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  Speaker 2: and I'm like, this is filling my carp this is
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  Speaker 2: making me so happy, and I'm like doing it for
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  Speaker 2: me and as well, like you show up online you're like, yes,
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  Speaker 2: like I'm doing this, I'm going to dance class. And
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  Speaker 2: then I've just been fucking exhausted. I've been so tired
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  Speaker 2: and I've had to ask myself. I'm like, no, you
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: should go, you should go, And it's like should I
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  Speaker 2: go because I think it's going to make me feel good?
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  Speaker 2: Or am I trying to make myself go because I
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  Speaker 2: feel like now I need to because I've like committed
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  Speaker 2: to like even though it doesn't feel right right now. Yeah,
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  Speaker 2: And it was kind of like going, I'm getting frustrated
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  Speaker 2: at myself if I don't show up because I told
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  Speaker 2: myself I was going to do this. It was like
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  Speaker 2: I'd made a commitment. But it's like yes, but back
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  Speaker 2: then your kids were sleeping. This was happening. Right now,
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  Speaker 2: you don't have the capacity to stay up till ten
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: o'clock at nine, when you might only get a few
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  Speaker 2: hours sleep.
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  Speaker 1: It's so wide after dance, not just the physical dance class,
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  Speaker 1: it's exhausting. It's like coming home you're like excited and
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  Speaker 1: on a high, and then looking back at your routine
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  Speaker 1: and your brain's on fire. All the lights, the music.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: It's so stimulating.
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: I know. But I had a moment to where I
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: had this little chat back and my head and it's like,
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  Speaker 2: why do you feel like it's so important to go?
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  Speaker 2: How do you feel like fucking exhausted?
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  Speaker 1: Are you sure?
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  Speaker 2: Yes, I'm sure. I also went to the gym like
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: that day too, and I was like, just listen to
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  Speaker 2: what you feel right now. I know that you want
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: to go and you want to be committed, but it's
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  Speaker 2: like you can just go next week.
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  Speaker 1: You're not training to be a professional dancing's okay, skip it.
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  Speaker 2: But it's like you get frustrated letting yourself down almost.
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: It's like you want to commit to something, but then
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  Speaker 2: that's just the way life goes.
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: It's that high expectation that we have on ourselves. Yeah,
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: I think being online, which not everyone can relate to,
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  Speaker 1: but I feel like there's that extra added pressure, yeah,
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  Speaker 1: that people expect of you to show up a certain
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  Speaker 1: way or you get scared of the backlash of talking
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: about being sad about something or frustrated something or something
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  Speaker 1: not feeling good, And there's a lot of projections that
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: come your way that then you have to That's still
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: energy that you're consuming and taking on being online. It's
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  Speaker 1: an energy exchange when you're communicating with a bunch of strangers,
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  Speaker 1: whether that's hundreds thousands or tens of thousands, it's a
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  Speaker 1: lot to take on. So there's all that to navigate
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  Speaker 1: as well, Because you could be validating yourself and then
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  Speaker 1: you know, fifty people swipe up and say something awful.
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  Speaker 2: It's like, oh gosh, you raise your expectation, probably subconsciously
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  Speaker 2: because like all they're telling me, I should be doing this.
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  Speaker 1: Especially if you're already feeling in a low vibe move
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  Speaker 1: when you're so sure of yourself, like it doesn't really
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  Speaker 1: shake you, but you're going through a hard time, you've
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  Speaker 1: got a bit of self doubt, and you're navigating some
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  Speaker 1: new things, Like I am now, I'm definitely a bit
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: more sensitive. Yeah, I'm not as sure of myself right now.
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  Speaker 1: I'm feeling a little bit lost, a little bit stark.
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  Speaker 1: I'm trying to navigate a new way of being, a
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  Speaker 1: new way of doing. It's like undoing having my foot
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  Speaker 1: in the pedal and running and showing up a certain
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  Speaker 1: way that doesn't feel good anymore. Now I'm getting to
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  Speaker 1: know myself in this new normal. It's like anything if
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  Speaker 1: you listen to the news and the media and you're
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: always scrolling on TikTok and really like it's information that
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  Speaker 1: your brain is consuming. When you stop and slow and
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  Speaker 1: you can be with your thoughts, And that's what I
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  Speaker 1: did in hospital. When I was in there, I just
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  Speaker 1: wanted to be with my thoughts. What's coming up for me?
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  Speaker 1: How am I feeling about all of this? What are
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  Speaker 1: my options?
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  Speaker 2: Was?
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  Speaker 1: When you're distracting and numbing out and listen and reading
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  Speaker 1: everything else, you can get so noisy and then you
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  Speaker 1: question things m.
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  Speaker 2: And you feel so out of tune with who you are.
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  Speaker 1: Is ungrounding a word, it's so ungrounding to be on
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  Speaker 1: social d What do you call that?
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  Speaker 2: If you're not grounded, you're lifted.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, like this regulated and disregulated. Yeah maybe. But when
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  Speaker 1: you just sit with yourself and you stop and you
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: are slow, and you're tuned into yourself rather than tuned
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  Speaker 1: into your phone and other people, you can really get
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  Speaker 1: clarity on what's feeling good for you. So true, and
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: take the time to validate yourself. You need time and
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  Speaker 1: space to do that. Yeah, you're busy distracting. You can't
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  Speaker 1: meet yourself where you need to be met.
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  Speaker 2: That's so true. Like if things are coming up and
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  Speaker 2: you're being emotional and you know you're not feeling like
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  Speaker 2: you like, that's another one thing to do.
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  Speaker 1: Stop, stop slow, Yeah, fill your cut back up and
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: just be with yourself and validate it and acknowledge it,
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  Speaker 1: have awareness around it all. And then you've got clarage
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: to be like, Okay, what's my next move. If you
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  Speaker 1: don't do that, you're just going to be fucking floating
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: around like a chicken with my head. Bad analogy, but
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean? What is it running around
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  Speaker 1: like a headless chort kit? That's what I meant.
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: I saw this post on Instagram and I wanted to
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  Speaker 2: read it out. So it's from the page The Brain
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  Speaker 2: Coach so it says self validation. Sounds like I was
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: right to stand up for myself. I did the best
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  Speaker 2: I could with what I knew at that time. I
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: am proud of me for challenging my fears slashed outs.
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: Today has been a difficult day for me. I can
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: do hard things. It's okay to say no to something
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: I really didn't want to do. I feel overworked and
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: need to prioritize rest. I tried my best and that
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: is enough. I'm feeling upset right now. I feel misunderstood.
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: That was a difficult conversation, but it was needed. Not
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: everyone will like me, and that's okay. Today was tough.
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: What do I need to do to feel better? And
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: that last one today was tough? What do I need
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: to do to feel better? I feel like that's where
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: it all kind of starts, Like when you start to
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: feel like there's days that are rolling on and it's
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: like not feeling aligned to not feeling aligned, not feel aligned?
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  Speaker 2: It okay?
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  Speaker 1: That I feel misunderstood is really validating in a conversation,
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: because if you need to have a hard conversation or
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: this conflict or disagreements whatever, how many times in your
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: life have you been like I'm fine, that's all good. Yep,
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: no worries.
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, no worries.
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: Yep, no worries. Like just go with what they say
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: because you don't want to ruffle the feathers and upset anyone.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: But to actually look some of the eye and say, I,
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: actually I feel really misunderstood by you. That's so validating.
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: You're validating that I do not feel good in this moment,
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  Speaker 1: and let's chat about it.
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: Such a good example, isn't it. Yeah, even just today
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: has been a difficult day for me. That's so validating.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: Just for yourself. Yep, today sucked. It was hard. I
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: did not do my best today. But tomorrow's new day.
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: You know, you don't have to sit there, but just
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: to acknowledge it, Yeah, it was a hard day.
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: Another thing, too, is like acknowledging our accomplishments. I feel
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: like I'm getting better at this as I get older.
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: Celebrating the winds.
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: Celebrating the winds like acknowledging yourself, just taking moment to
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: validate and be like, yeah, I just did something hard
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: and I'm proud of me.
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: So so good. How much to we celebrate our best
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: friends and our kids and our partners for everything. It's like, oh,
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: I know, but to ourselves we kind of like just.
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: The difference too, is like I feel like for my
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: friends and my kids, I feel it, I feel it
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: in my heart. I feel so proud, I feel so
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: happy for them.
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: I feel so busy.
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: I feel so that we need to just sometimes just
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: take a moment for ourselves and feel like, feel it,
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: like I'm proud of you, I love you. You've done an
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: amazing job. Stay it's been hard, Like, yeah, feel those
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: same feelings you feel for everyone else.
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: Yes, myself. I've read something the other day and it
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: was like, we get scared to share that we're great
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: because we're scared that we will get hate. Yeah, And
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: I find that online, like I find it really inspiring
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: when you know influencers or just public profiles, just anyone.
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: It's like celebrating that's got a job promotion, they've bought
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: this fancy in new car, or they're safe for this handbag.
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: I'm like, fuck yeah, but yes, I would never if
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: I was to buy a new handbag or get a
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: new car. No, Like I think I would feel like
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: I'm bragging or triggering other people, Like that's what would
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: go through my syndrome. Yeah, and get slammed, Like I
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: would get scared to share that I've done great and
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: earned this and worked hard of that, because I know
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: that I would get a lot of hate and backlash
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: when I see other people doing I'm like, fuck, Yeah,
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: it's interesting, Hey how we celebrate other people but not ourselves.
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: And I'm super aware of it now, but yeah, it's
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: just interesting.
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: It is interesting society. It's just the way our brains
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: have been molded to conditions. But it's like just that
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: old question why, Like why shouldn't I be celebrating myself?
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: And the more that we are sure of who we
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: are and our attentions and all of that, Like when
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: you were so sure of yourself that stuff, like you
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: wouldn't care what people say. Yeah, you know, But when
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: you are feeling a bit fragile and you're not super
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: confident and you're listening to the outside noise, you get scared.
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah,