Latest / Doing Marriage Well / Is Your Idea Winning Out at the Cost of Your Spouse?

Transcript

Is Your Idea Winning Out at the Cost of Your Spouse? · Doing Marriage Well

• 0:00
  Doing marriage well for July 9, 2026. Is your idea winning out at the cost of your spouse?
• 0:06
  Today, the freedom to disagree safely.
• 0:10
  That last word is very, very important. If your spouse disagrees with you, will you be kind to them?
• 0:15
  Can you discuss the difference without raising your voice or getting too animated?
• 0:19
  I can get pretty passionate about what I believe, especially if I think the issue is important.
• 0:23
  This can come across as thinking I'm right and you're wrong,
• 0:26
  or I'm right and what's wrong with you.
• 0:29
  I also think if you have a belief, it should stand up to being attacked.
• 0:33
  If you can't defend your idea, it's not worth my consideration.
• 0:36
  For some of us, and I know many men fall into this camp, we treat discussions
• 0:40
  like a courtroom battle where ideas have to be defended to survive.
• 0:44
  All this is how I have been, and I'm doing better. In the past,
• 0:48
  I shut down a lot of discussions, and as a result, I missed out on hearing the
• 0:51
  things Lori needed to share.
• 0:53
  Another factor here is how we process. I'm a fast processor,
• 0:57
  while Lori is a slow processor.
• 0:59
  Both are how God made us, and neither is wrong.
• 1:02
  But it has led to a good deal of frustration for both of us.
• 1:06
  Beyond that, I am a verbal processor. That means I figure out what I believe by talking it out.
• 1:12
  And for me, at least, it's a pretty rapid-fire, frenetic process.
• 1:15
  My dear wife is very good at being a backstop for me when I do this,
• 1:19
  but I have learned not to expect her to have come to a conclusion when I have,
• 1:23
  and she has learned not to hang on to what I say along the way.
• 1:26
  Making it safe to disagree means understanding how you both process and making accommodations.
• 1:32
  It also requires you to be okay with your spouse not agreeing with you,
• 1:35
  which takes a good deal of emotional maturity and being sure of yourself.
• 1:39
  This is Paul, and disagreeing well is doing marriage well.