Latest / Libido Lounge / Anxiety's Hidden Toll on Your Sex Life

Transcript

Anxiety's Hidden Toll on Your Sex Life · Libido Lounge

• 0:00
  Welcome to the Libido Lounge, where we focus on all things love, lust, and libido.
• 0:05
  We believe that fabulous sex is as important to health as exercise and good food.
• 0:20
  Hi, everybody.
• 0:22
  Welcome.
• 0:22
  Welcome back to another episode on the lounge.
• 0:25
  I'm your host, Dr.
• 0:26
  Diane Mueller, libido expert, and I am so excited to have a conversation with my very
• 0:32
  dear friend, naturopathic doctor, and the adrenal whisperer, Dr.
• 0:36
  Tricia Pingel today.
• 0:37
  We're gonna talk about something that is gonna first sound cliché because we're gonna talk
• 0:41
  about stress.
• 0:43
  Everybody knows that stress needs to be managed.
• 0:46
  We need to become more resilient to it, and we can't really get rid of it.
• 0:50
  Right?
• 0:50
  No human gets out of having stress.
• 0:53
  So we're gonna go beyond the cliché today and really help you understand in more detail,
• 0:57
  like, the direct impact that this is having on your hormones, on perimenopausal and menopausal
• 1:03
  transitions, on andropause, on just the hormonal changes in general around midlife,
• 1:09
  your age, your libido, and more.
• 1:12
  So we're gonna get out of the cliché.
• 1:13
  We're gonna get deep into some of the more important details that are important to
• 1:18
  understand.
• 1:18
  So thank you so much, Dr.
• 1:20
  Tricia.
• 1:20
  I'm so excited about our conversation today.
• 1:23
  I'm so excited to be here.
• 1:24
  Thank you so much for having me.
• 1:26
  Yeah.
• 1:26
  Let's let's jump right in.
• 1:28
  So let's talk about this link because I know so many people, like I said in introducing this, I
• 1:33
  know so many people have this awareness of, like, oh, yeah.
• 1:37
  Stress makes my libido go down, which is true most of the time.
• 1:40
  Sometimes stress, of course, can make people's libido go up.
• 1:43
  But what do you see more from, like, that really important mechanism?
• 1:48
  Like, where can we take this deeper around, like, stress and its impact on hormones, on
• 1:53
  libido, on on life in those areas?
• 1:57
  Yeah.
• 1:57
  I think it's really important to recognize that when we talk about stress, we're talking about
• 2:00
  a hormone.
• 2:01
  Right?
• 2:01
  We're talking about a hormone, and there's four basic aspects of our hormone system.
• 2:06
  We have the adrenal hormones, the thyroid hormones, the sex hormones, and the blood sugar
• 2:09
  management.
• 2:10
  And if you think of the endocrine system or the hormone system like a scale, you tip one side
• 2:15
  and all the others have to go and balance themselves back up.
• 2:19
  So when we are under stress, that's one aspect of a very big system.
• 2:24
  But if you're out in the woods running from a bear, you're not gonna stop to have sex.
• 2:29
  You're just not.
• 2:30
  You gotta run.
• 2:32
  Right?
• 2:32
  So you gotta get away from it.
• 2:33
  And when you do this over and over again and I know we'll dive into exactly what is stress
• 2:38
  because it is such a cliché, and I can't wait to talk about that.
• 2:41
  But when you are under stress or chronic stress, the body adapts.
• 2:46
  That's what's so freaking amazing about it, is that it adapts to the situation.
• 2:51
  And so if the body thinks there's gonna be another bear, reproduction is not an option.
• 2:58
  Right?
• 2:58
  So the body goes, no.
• 3:00
  Sorry.
• 3:00
  I just we gotta put off sex right now.
• 3:02
  I gotta run from this bear.
• 3:02
  Like, maybe later.
• 3:03
  Right?
• 3:04
  So in a rare instance, it can, like you said, affect libido favorably.
• 3:09
  But more often than not, the body's in a protective state.
• 3:12
  And when it's in a protective state, it doesn't have sex.
• 3:15
  And I think most women can agree that we have to be in a certain mindset to really enjoy sex.
• 3:20
  Like, to really we have to be in the zone.
• 3:23
  And when we're busy worrying about what bear is coming around the corner, we just can't get
• 3:27
  there.
• 3:28
  And I think yeah.
• 3:29
  a similar thing too.
• 3:30
  You know, you're the expert on that, but just remember it's a huge complex system that all
• 3:35
  has to balance each other out.
• 3:36
  So they're all important to consider when you're talking about libido.
• 3:40
  Yeah.
• 3:40
  Thank you.
• 3:40
  And I think there's so much to be said there too around when you're saying, oh, you know,
• 3:44
  women have that the way I would describe it is almost like this harder time
• 3:48
  compartmentalizing.
• 3:49
  Like, our brain just works differently than men.
• 3:51
  So it's not as easy to be like, oh, my day was essentially, like, running from a bear like
• 3:56
  you're talking about, and now I can bounce into the bedroom with my partner because we can't
• 4:01
  compartmentalize just how our brain works in the same sort of way.
• 4:05
  So then what about, like, directly on, like, hormone you know, hormonal cycle?
• 4:09
  And you mentioned blood sugar.
• 4:11
  And I think that's a really important thing to bring into this conversation too, like, that
• 4:15
  true link between stress and our stress hormones and the blood sugar balance and
• 4:20
  libido.
• 4:21
  So you can can you talk about some of those things as well?
• 4:24
  Yeah.
• 4:24
  Well, once again, if we're talking about blood sugar, let's say there's an insulin resistance.
• 4:29
  Right?
• 4:29
  There is this relationship between insulin and cortisol.
• 4:32
  They feed each other.
• 4:33
  So if you've got high cortisol, you're getting higher insulin.
• 4:35
  You've got higher insulin.
• 4:36
  It causes stress on the body.
• 4:37
  So it's just this ongoing, like, cycle, and that's survival.
• 4:42
  We need sugar to run.
• 4:45
  So if the body has to choose, I'm gonna use my metabolism to create sugar so I can run from
• 4:52
  the bear, utilize all these muscles, or am I gonna stop and relax and get it on with my
• 4:57
  partner?
• 4:58
  It's gonna choose blood sugar.
• 5:00
  So any inflammatory state, any disease state, any blood sugar issues are internal stresses.
• 5:07
  And this is one of the things that I think I'm on a mission to redefine what stress means
• 5:12
  because I don't think we understand.
• 5:14
  I think if I ask anyone, hey.
• 5:16
  Are you under a lot of stress?
• 5:17
  They're like, no.
• 5:19
  My life's pretty good.
• 5:20
  I mean, I don't have a husband.
• 5:22
  I have a kid.
• 5:23
  You know?
• 5:23
  Yeah.
• 5:23
  I mean, you know, day-to-day stuff.
• 5:25
  I do a lot, but whatever.
• 5:27
  We automatically go to the external, which as you said, it doesn't really go away.
• 5:31
  There's always gonna be stimulus coming at us.
• 5:33
  It doesn't matter.
• 5:34
  And with our age of technology and how busy we keep ourselves, it just it just keeps coming.
• 5:39
  But what we have to recognize is that the body is like a machine.
• 5:42
  It's like a conveyor belt, and its production is energy.
• 5:46
  It produces ATP.
• 5:47
  So all these things have to happen in a certain order, nutrients, whatnot, to produce energy to
• 5:53
  feed the cycle again.
• 5:55
  Kind of like if you were making a product, if I'm making this coffee cup and I gotta put the
• 5:59
  handle on it down the assembly line, once it's made, you can sell it.
• 6:02
  You can make money that feeds the that helps the workers to make more coffee cups.
• 6:06
  If this is energy and you don't have enough of it, you can't pay your workers.
• 6:11
  The body gets very stressed out.
• 6:12
  Imagine what the workers would do if one person didn't show up and couldn't put the handle on.
• 6:16
  You've got a backup of coffee cups.
• 6:18
  Nobody's able to stamp it.
• 6:19
  Nobody's able to color it.
• 6:21
  The energy can't be produced.
• 6:22
  So these internal stresses are happening all the time.
• 6:25
  And with diabetes, like insulin resistance, that's a huge stressor on the metabolism and
• 6:31
  the production of energy.
• 6:33
  You have just one nutrient deficiency.
• 6:36
  When we're talking about the bear, when you're running from the bear and you release cortisol,
• 6:40
  you deplete B vitamins, you deplete minerals.
• 6:43
  These B vitamins and these minerals are essential in the production of hormones, in the
• 6:48
  transfer of hormones, in the breakdown of food into energy.
• 6:51
  So if you don't have that handle, if that person doesn't show up, the company is very
• 6:56
  stressed out.
• 6:57
  And so I think we really need to pay attention not only to what are the external stressors,
• 7:02
  which are important.
• 7:04
  How do we think about them?
• 7:05
  How do we look at them?
• 7:07
  How do we set the mindset to gratitude and love and joy and acceptance in some respects?
• 7:13
  But then also work with someone to really define what are the internal stressors,
• 7:19
  nutrient deficiencies, microbiome, hormone excess and deficiency, where in the pathway is
• 7:26
  the hormone impacted.
• 7:27
  All of these little tiny things are so important.
• 7:31
  Stress is so much more than a big life event.
• 7:34
  And I think that's really, really important for people to understand because I think it's where
• 7:38
  people get stuck.
• 7:39
  They say, hey, doc.
• 7:40
  I'm doing everything right.
• 7:41
  I'm taking the hormone.
• 7:43
  I'm eating right.
• 7:44
  I'm exercising.
• 7:45
  You know, I'm trying to reduce my external stress, but they're not looking at what's
• 7:48
  happening in their assembly line.
• 7:51
  Yeah.
• 7:51
  It's such a great analogy.
• 7:53
  I love that analogy so much because I think that is where that cliché component comes from
• 7:57
  around, like you said, like, yeah, doc.
• 7:58
  I've heard it a bazillion times.
• 8:00
  I know to reduce stress.
• 8:01
  I know stress kills.
• 8:03
  I know stress has all these problems.
• 8:05
  But you're right.
• 8:05
  There's not as much look at, like, what are the stressors that are internal?
• 8:09
  What are the stressors that we can actually control and do something about?
• 8:13
  Mhmm.
• 8:13
  And from that standpoint, like, in relationship to hormones and this libido conversation, where
• 8:19
  do you think, like so, obviously, like, we need to do things like check our blood sugar, you
• 8:24
  know, make sure that's good, make sure we don't have gut microbiome issues, the nutrient
• 8:28
  imbalances, all these things that you are mentioning.
• 8:31
  What other things do you think people should be doing to even think about, like, is this a
• 8:36
  problem for me?
• 8:37
  Because I think another thing that happens too and I know this happened, like, to me for a
• 8:41
  long time because my mom was very I always heard my mom growing up saying things like, oh,
• 8:45
  I'm so I'm I'm tired.
• 8:47
  I'm getting older.
• 8:48
  And then when I started reaching my 30s and 40s, you know, these landmarks and realized,
• 8:53
  like, oh, well, I actually feel better, like, more energized with age.
• 8:57
  And it's like we get gaslit so many times, you know, I think in medicine around around, like,
• 9:04
  oh, you're just getting older.
• 9:05
  Right?
• 9:05
  So you're just stressed.
• 9:06
  You just have, like, so it's like there's still a lot of gaslighting, I think, around around
• 9:11
  stress.
• 9:12
  So my question then is, where do you find that like, like, how do you advise people from a
• 9:17
  standpoint of actually being able to think about, like, is stress a truly a problem versus
• 9:23
  just something they should just try to manage?
• 9:25
  How do people begin to to say disassemble that?
• 9:28
  Yeah.
• 9:28
  My favorite is, oh,
• 9:29
  it's just stress.
• 9:30
  Take care.
• 9:31
  Like yeah.
• 9:31
  Wait.
• 9:32
  Not great.
• 9:33
  That's stress.
• 9:34
  That those words drive me insane because I'm like, it is stress.
• 9:38
  That's a problem.
• 9:39
  I think to start first of all, we all are impacted.
• 9:44
  We all have external and internal stressors.
• 9:46
  No one, no one can escape the impact of stress.
• 9:49
  It just is that.
• 9:50
  It is.
• 9:52
  And I think the first realization is we are all dealing with this on a daily basis.
• 9:55
  If you just look at the air we breathe and the toxins we breathe and the food that we're
• 9:59
  exposed to, we all probably have some sort of stressor, right, somewhere.
• 10:05
  So I think number one, I always say identify the bears, which is the external step.
• 10:11
  What sets you off?
• 10:12
  And sometimes it could just be—I always laugh, like, in a work environment.
• 10:17
  Like, let's say you're having lunch and the person next to you is, like, chewing their food
• 10:19
  weird and it just drives you insane.
• 10:21
  There's a bear right there.
• 10:23
  Right.
• 10:24
  Yes.
• 10:24
  Your nervous system said, I don't like this person.
• 10:27
  Right?
• 10:27
  At any time that you have that overreaction to something and you find yourself overreacting, I
• 10:33
  remember I was in early practice, and I think one of my sons was about 2 years old, and he
• 10:38
  kinda waddled in the kitchen and said, sandwich.
• 10:40
  Sandwich.
• 10:40
  Like, he wanted a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
• 10:42
  And I freaking snapped.
• 10:42
  I'm like, that's something.
• 10:45
  And I thought, oh my God.
• 10:46
  I'm a rebel parent.
• 10:47
  Oh my God.
• 10:48
  I'm such a horrible parent.
• 10:49
  How could I snap at that child like that?
• 10:51
  But it's this immediate reaction.
• 10:54
  So I think being really humble and recognizing that we all do it.
• 10:58
  Okay?
• 10:59
  You're not a bad person.
• 11:00
  What we're doing is our body's trying to communicate with us and tell us this is a
• 11:04
  stressor.
• 11:04
  This is ticking you off.
• 11:05
  And then really start breaking that down.
• 11:07
  Why does this bother me?
• 11:09
  You know, how can I look at it from a different perspective?
• 11:11
  I've lost my entire family.
• 11:12
  My mom is gone, my dad, my grandparents, everyone that I grew up with is gone, and they
• 11:16
  were all gone either tragically or young.
• 11:21
  And I think me stuffing that down and not dealing with it and not working at that created
• 11:26
  so much more stress in my body.
• 11:27
  There comes a point where you have to just look inside.
• 11:31
  You have to get the lab work.
• 11:32
  You have to look at how you want to look at your life, how you want to live your life.
• 11:36
  I got to a point where I was like, if I don't start finding joy, if I don't start
• 11:40
  reconnecting with me, and I don't start listening to what my body is saying, I won't be
• 11:44
  here.
• 11:44
  I will be gone with them, and that is not an option for me.
• 11:48
  I want to feel better and better the older I get.
• 11:50
  And I'm with you.
• 11:51
  I'm 48.
• 11:52
  I've never felt more energy in my entire life.
• 11:55
  I've never been more joyous in my entire life, but that did not come without a complete
• 12:00
  breakdown of my character.
• 12:02
  Like, to the point where I was like, I'm not going to make it, but I can't be yelling at my
• 12:07
  kids either.
• 12:08
  So start with really just being honest with yourself and listening to your body.
• 12:12
  If there is a medical thing going on, low thyroid, insulin, low testosterone, whatever it
• 12:17
  may be, find someone to help you figure out where those internal stressors are and then
• 12:24
  really, really take ownership of the things that you might be stressing about that you have
• 12:31
  no control over.
• 12:32
  Three questions, and I'll pass back to you.
• 12:34
  Number one.
• 12:35
  Number one, ask yourself, is this worth my energy?
• 12:38
  Number two, do I have any impact on the outcome?
• 12:42
  And then three, make a decision.
• 12:44
  Are you gonna take it on?
• 12:45
  Are you gonna delegate it?
• 12:47
  Are you gonna let it go?
• 12:48
  And I find more than 80% we let it go.
• 12:52
  Yeah.
• 12:52
  I love those questions.
• 12:54
  I love those questions because you're really guiding me to where I was gonna take this
• 12:58
  conversation next.
• 12:59
  It's like the perfect setup.
• 13:00
  So thank you.
• 13:01
  Which is really that I think so much of this stress in the body, oftentimes, it's this
• 13:08
  thought loop.
• 13:09
  Right?
• 13:09
  The subconscious type of thought loop around, like, you're saying, like, how do we how are we
• 13:14
  actually, say, getting emotionally dysregulated?
• 13:16
  What are the thoughts?
• 13:18
  And then we have that choice.
• 13:19
  Like you're saying, like, am I gonna do anything?
• 13:21
  Am I gonna allow my nervous system to become dysregulated over this, or am I gonna let it
• 13:26
  go?
• 13:26
  So I love the questions.
• 13:28
  And to add on to that is if somebody is, say, stuck in this vicious cycle, right, of stress
• 13:37
  and overwhelm and something happens and they react and they feel justified in their reaction
• 13:42
  and all these different things.
• 13:43
  Right?
• 13:44
  These very common human experiences.
• 13:46
  Sometimes I think it's so easy in those moments where it's like that adrenaline is flying to
• 13:52
  forget to ask ourselves three questions.
• 13:54
  Yeah.
• 13:55
  So how do you help people in