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The Tier System: Figure Out What Deserves Your Time and Energy · Doing Marriage Well

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  Doing Marriage Well for October 26, 2026 The Tear System Figure out what deserves
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  your time and energy Lori is slowly recovering from surgery.
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  She's been down about three months total, and caring for her has significantly altered what I do.
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  All this has caused us to think about what really matters. What is important?
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  What is nice, but second or third tier?
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  As we move forward, we are not looking to get back to normal.
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  We want to find a new normal.
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  This will involve discussion and prayer and probably some trial and error It's
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  a good thing and it's one of the ways we see God bringing good out of bad,
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  It's human nature to stick with what we know and what we usually do Inertia
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  is a powerful thing and we usually bow to it without even being aware we have done so,
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  If life has not recently done something to disrupt your everyday routine It
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  would be a good idea to think through what you do and don't do.
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  Are you doing all the first and second tier things?
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  Are you doing some third and fourth tier things when that time and energy should be used elsewhere?
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  First, you have to decide what really matters. And that's not always as easy as it sounds.
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  I like tiers rather than highest to lowest lists, as it saves a lot of unnecessary work.
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  Some of what's in tier one is mundane. The last three months,
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  I had to pay the bills, buy food, do dishes and laundry, as well as basic housework.
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  Additionally, we didn't really
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  expect it to be fed. But there were ways to make some of that easier.
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  I bought some paper plates, something we don't normally do. That cut down on dishes nicely.
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  My son took over feeding the pigs because my mornings had become difficult.
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  I kept doing the chickens and turkeys as they could be done in the afternoon.
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  Lori and I continued to talk, and about more than just her situation.
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  We continued to be intimate, with effort. Where do you hurt now?
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  Can I hug you this way? What parts of your body can I massage?
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  Because touch is a first-tier thing for both of us, we made it work.
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  Taking the grandkids on Sunday night is normally very important to us,
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  but was not reasonable in this season, so it was temporarily suspended.
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  It remains a second-tier thing, and we will get back to it when we can.
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  At first, it may be for a shorter time or every other week.
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  Thinking all or nothing is a trap to be avoided. When you can't do something
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  as you would like, find a way to do it at least some.
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  Contact with friends has continued, mostly by text. A few times when Lori fell
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  up to being alone, she encouraged me to go to church, a small group, or coffee.
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  And she made a couple of very short appearances at her Tuesday and Friday coffee groups.
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  Some things are all or nothing, but often we can find a way to do something partway.
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  Ignoring friends for three months would have left us with a lot of relationship
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  repair When did you last work through what really matters to you?
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  If it's been a while, there will be things that are now less important than
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  they once were because of life changes Other things are, or should be, more important now,
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  And there may be things that you still do out of habit that really don't matter
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  anymore This is Paul, and putting your spouse in Tier 1 is doing marriage well.