Latest / Smart Business Growth with Nicky Miklós / Beyond the Checklist: Redefining Self-Care

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Beyond the Checklist: Redefining Self-Care · Smart Business Growth with Nicky Miklós

• 0:04
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Thrive in Business Together with Nikki and Ness.
• 0:11
  Speaker 2: We would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of country, the Yagara and Bannerong people of Brisbane and Melbourne respectively, where Nikki and I both work and live.
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: I think that there are certain times of the year where it is even more prevalent on Instagram, all these self-care kind of posts and we're a little bit into the new year yet now, but particularly that new year, new me kind of thing and let's get into some self-care and I think it's also relevant for people who are feeling close to burnout.
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: But I guess what I really would love to talk about today is how much pressure we put on ourselves to do self-care right, and I actually think that through doing that, what happens is often we avoid it because we don't feel like we're doing it right or we don't feel like we want to do what we should be doing.
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: And a way that I felt like we could share this whole concept around doing something that works for you, given that you and I, nikki, we talk always about behavioral profiling, that disc profiling.
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: We're on the opposite sides of the quadrants.
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: We're very different in our style and the way that we enjoy things and we laugh at each other a lot, the fact that stats light me up and they seem boring to you.
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: So I don't understand that that whole thing, how you do things.
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: It's like finances right, how you do your finances, how you do self-care works for you, because for me it's different, and I really want our listeners to have a listen to this podcast episode with the thought process around what is it that I really want to do for me and how do I practice self-care?
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: That isn't dictated by other people who may have a purpose behind wanting you to spend money in their business by taking you down that path For you.
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: Nick, where do you practice self-care?
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: What routines or go-tos do you do when it comes to looking after yourself?
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: And this is really in order to manage your energy, manage your time.
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think what you said there around doing self-care right.
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: How many times have we felt listeners, how many times have we felt the pressure to do self-care right, because we talk about it a lot.
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: And I remember a few years ago probably only three years ago I had all the structure and the routine around my self-care and Ness, I think you might even remember this it was when we early days started B2 and I realized it was a big old checklist.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: My self-care had turned into a checklist, got to do this at this time Tick, tick, tick, tick, ugh, and the pressure and the expectation, and I was doing that to myself.
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: Nobody else was doing that because I knew that all these things were what I needed in order to tick the box and do self-care right.
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: And so I think the answer to this question around what do I do for self-care, it's very.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: There's a flow to it.
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: One thing today might actually be different to tomorrow, might be different to yesterday, and in fact it probably is, because I love the book I've mentioned it a few times the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, and he talks about one of those four agreements being do your best every day and remember that your best will be different every day.
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: Great example today I've just had the flu.
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: I wasn't saying the man flu, but no, definitely I was feeling run down after the holidays.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: I packed too much in.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: Here we are still learning this lesson, and one of the things I needed to do today for self-care is I knew I was ready to go back to my dense fitness class, but I also knew that I was not ready to do it 100%.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: And so pulling back on that going and being a part of the environment, working through my ego when I had to put down my one kilo weights right Because I couldn't do it, and then just embracing it, that was a form of self-care today, whereas yesterday I had to cancel the class because I knew I just wasn't quite there yet.
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: So I know that this isn't a list that I'm giving you for a reason because I think the first step is we need to actually define what is self-care and what I hear in that is the flexibility that comes with knowing what works for you.
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: Today and, as we both know and our listeners long-term listeners will know whereas I tend to do more of a routine thing and I would say my biggest way that I look after myself is through prioritising sleep and making sure that I have a routine around that.
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: So I like to be in bed asleep by 10.
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: I like to be up sometime between six and seven without alarm, although this year I've been going to the gym at six two days a week, so I have an alarm to get up at 5.30.
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: But the self-care component in that is that I actually really enjoy the classes I'm going to in the mornings, and so it's this flexibility around sleeps a priority, but so is attending the gym classes.
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: So what's going to work for me and I'm feeling energised by that at the moment that things could change.
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: So self-care can change and I'd say probably my go-tos, which I discovered through years of being on my own and looking after my children and running a business and all that kind of stuff that I really enjoy massages, that's just something that a relaxing one.
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: It just seems to release pressure for me.
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: So I do, I budget for that.
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: Now I have that in my mix of having that every few months, and it doesn't mean necessarily that I've got a ticker list or ticker box.
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: But I do stop and think about what do I want to do for me?
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: And look, I'm in a really privileged phase of life where I don't have young children with me, where I don't have a partner that I have to report to or report back to or negotiate with.
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: So I feel like it's not like self-care happens, I prioritise it and I'm able to.
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: And I wonder for people if I rewind the clock eight years ago, starting a business, having two kids in school, a single parent, mortgage, friends, family, all of the pressures, being a volunteer, the whole thing I really found there were periods of time where I just lost myself in the busyness of life and didn't stop because I put everyone else first.
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: So when we have a look at defining what self-care is, also, what I'm thinking in this Nass is that self-care can change.
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: Self-care can change as we change and, just like we talked about in a previous episode around our business goals, can change.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: Defining what success looks like.
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: This is not a stagnant thing and I think there's a foundational level of really taking care of ourselves which, of course, if we're defining it, it could be self-care around sleep, water, movement, getting into nature, laughter.
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: If I was to pick a top five, that'd be my top five right there.
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: I think that their fundamental human needs to be able to function and enjoy life great for mental health, physical health, and that's not even then.
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: Meditation and journaling they're really important.
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: I don't do them every single day, but that's also, if I could add a sixth.
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: So they're the foundational elements.
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: If something's missing out of that, I definitely am not feeling at my optimal energy.
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: So when I say the whole list thing, it's not about not being disciplined still, it's about having the flexibility to go.
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: What do I need right now?
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: And I do think that there's a foundational level of almost non-negotiables that if we do it, we feel good.
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: And what does that look like for you, and everyone listening has a different environment and circumstance around them, and so it's not about.
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: I think the key point that you're making here is you might hear us and go oh, that's what Nikki and Ness do.
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: Oh, I can't do that because I've got kids, or I've got this, or I've got that, or this is different.
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: Cool, because we're not saying to do what we do.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: We're sharing ideas for some inspiration or ideas, what is right for you or what feels good, rather than being right what feels good for you, and it could literally be 60 seconds of breathing to shift your energy, to be able to be more present.
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: Family time can be, I believe, a form of self-care, but not if to your point earlier that everything is always about others.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: Does it purely fill your cup?
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: And something that comes to mind here as well is our corn eats, our six corn eats that we've done a couple of episodes on.
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: If it's fulfilling your six corn eats, I believe that it's, then self-care.
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: Are you stuck in the busy trap or on Juggle Street being all things to all people despite having a team?
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: Or perhaps your business is feeling chaotic?
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: Do the mini-business health check to get 10 strategies in under 10 minutes so you can get time freedom back, experience peak performance and finally leverage smart growth in your business.
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: Head over to b2businesstogethercomau.
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: Forward slash health check and, if you're ready for us to help in a more hands-on way, email us at hello at businesstogethercomau and we'll set up a time to chat.
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: I guess the angle that I wanted to direct us in with this conversation is that's the foundation piece.
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: That's a bit that everybody's expecting us to say Watch your self-care routine, do you have bath, do you sleep well, all of that kind of stuff.
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: But I want to actually look at it through the point of view around the way that we speak to ourselves, because I know that we've been doing this coaching journey for 10 years and I've learned so much about the way my brain works and we share this with our clients and other people who are fascinated by human behaviour will know this.
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: But it's such a huge impact on how we feel, the way that we speak to ourselves, and I know that at times when we are stuck in this, I should be doing the, but I should be having a bath, I should be going for a walk, I should be and we're back to shooting all over ourselves and in the time, certainly for me, when I am in the should space, all the things that go through my head take up space and clutter and energy within me.
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: That's stopping me from feeling content or at peace or just silencing that voice, because how we speak to ourselves, we're always listening, even if we're not speaking outside in our outside voices but in our heads, right, if we're just like, oh you're stupid and you shouldn't have done that and you just can't get this, I can hear that asked voice, which I do tend to hear, but then silence and move away from, because I think that for somebody who is trying to be everything to everyone, feeling torn in between like work and home and friends, feeling busy, feeling stuck, the chatter is something that can really undermine the self care, mental health and all of that associated feeling and energy that comes with that.
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: What's your thinking around that?
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: I couldn't agree more because also, should implies guilt.
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: So should is heavy and I can't help but think about these amazing 530 am starts that you're having and it's working for you now.
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: Classic example is if we want to go to a 6 am gym class and get up at 530 and then it doesn't happen and we all of a sudden I should, and so a much more empowering reframe or a much more empowering language to use is I could.
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: So here's the thing we talked about self care is a balance of flexibility as well as some routine.
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: There's some non-negotiable self care things so that we feel good.
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: But let's just say that we're.
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: I'm wanting to jump on the bandwagon with Ness and get up and do those morning classes.
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: I should get up tomorrow morning already.
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: I'm demotivated because I should.
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: So there's a feeling of expectation and so the subtleties of language around that is already dragging it down.
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: Now, if I can reframe that or use the word, it's so simple, use the word could, I could get up at 6 am.
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: What that implies, instead of guilt and expectation, is choice, because I can choose to get up at 6 am Now, if I don't, and then I don't the next day, and then I don't the next day.
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: That is feedback for me.
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: Maybe that's not the right time of the class.
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: What is stopping me from doing that?
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: So I don't want to ever be like this is about letting ourselves off the hook, but it's also about doing things in a way that feel authentic.
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: So maybe it's that's not the right thing for me and this is obviously that hypothetical example or for you, ness.
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: At some point it might become not the right thing for you.
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: So that the awareness of language, I think, is a really great point there, because that is a clue to the feedback, and you also made a great point around.
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: It's not just what we're saying externally, that's also a really important Be aware of the words you're using with others.
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: I noticed maybe a month ago I was using the word nervous a lot.
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: I'm so nervous about this, I'm so nervous, what is going on?
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: Nick and I had a little talk to myself with my outside voice I'm not ashamed to admit it and I was like how can I turn that around?
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: So now I'm saying curious instead of nervous.
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: Yes, there's big things happening, getting out of my comfort zone, but I'm really curious about how that's going to play out.
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: So that's again, it's that subtleties of language.
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: So I think we do have to be really important, aware of how we're talking to ourselves internally, be aware of the subtleties of language and use more language.
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: That is empowering, that implies a choice, because then also we own it.
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: I should or I could have drunk water.
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: I didn't.
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: Why not own that?
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, 100%.
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: And it's interesting, as you were saying, that I think about the process that I went through, like my mornings I like, no alarm, and it was a decision process that I went through, that nobody told me I had to do, that I chose to, and that I'm trialling, gone into it with this mindset of I'm trialling it, because when we get into that spiral of you should, you could like, not could, sorry, you should be doing this and beating up on ourselves.
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: It actually has such a massive impact to everything.
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: So, thinking about times in the past you know, back before coaching times that waking up in the morning and it's going to be a bad day because I've woken up in a bad mood, and that had to start somewhere right in my brain, in the chatter in my head, and then everything is about I can't wait to get home, I can't wait to get back to bed, I can't wait for tomorrow to start.
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: But that comes from our thought process, the words that we use, all of that kind of thing.
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: So this is something that is consistently with us when we go to work and someone annoys us.
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: It's that whole thing, that around how do we react or respond, because a reaction is going to create a situation.
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: I truly believe that mastering that or not even mastering, let's face it, there are days where that doesn't happen.
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: And we study this, but being able to really make, I guess it's that choice.
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: It comes back to the choice how do I choose to respond?
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: Because how do I want to feel today?
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: And I remember hearing that by a fellow coach who was doing a presentation, that every morning she woke up and said how do I want, how do I want to experience today, what do I want to feel?
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: And I think that we have that choice in any moment, at any time, and to me, that self-care.
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: Oh, that's good.
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: And that whole piece around the wrong side of the bed, we're going to break it till you hear people.
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: There's no wrong side of the bed.
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: I've got up on the wrong side of the bed so therefore everything falls over from there.
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: That is a subconscious choice that you're making.
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: Since I've been on this journey, I don't think I've woken up on the wrong side of the bed and I sure did beforehand Because, look, I can still have a crap day, but I'm choosing to acknowledge that I'm playing a role in that.
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: It's like, when we talk about this victim mentality as well, right, there's absolutely times where it is resourceful and healthy to be a victim and we talk about victimhood is a scale of one to 10.
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: So there's absolute capital T trauma, absolutely valid victimhood, but then there's also roles that we play where maybe it's a one out of 10, like the wrong side of the bed and everything's happening to me, and if we can be aware that's a choice that we're making, then cool, rock on, but at least that sometimes our conversations are.
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: I know that this is really unresourceful, but I just have to have a vent.
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: I just got to get it out and I know exactly where I'm at.
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: And it feels good to have a winch, cool, but we don't get stuck there.
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: And I agree, I think that this is a form of self care, probably of the purest kind, absolutely.
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, because it really is about determining the voice that we listen to and we choose that.
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: And that can be really sucky when you're on the other side of that, to hear that we're accountable, responsible for how we go about experiencing our lives and our days.
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: And I think that we talk a lot about setting boundaries for other people and how hard that can be, because we're used to letting other people do what they want, to interact how they want to, and I think setting a boundary for yourself can actually be even harder, because what we don't tend to do is share that with others.
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: So if I say to you I've got a boundary around the hours I work, nikki, I'm not prepared to work past X amount of like 6pm at night.
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: I've told you that so you can hold me accountable, right, and I can hold myself accountable because it's out there in the world.
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: But how often do we say something in our head around what we want to do?
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: I really want to make sure that I put myself first.
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: I want to have that tough conversation with my partner or my child or whatever.
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: I want to stop beating up on myself for doing things wrong.
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: But to put that boundary in place for ourselves is really.
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: That's quite challenging, because we're breaking a cycle, we're breaking a pattern of how perhaps we've spoken to ourselves for a very long time.
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: So awareness of how we're talking to ourselves, that first step of awareness of what is that internal dialogue, that's the key, then that's what I'm hearing in this, because that determines how we show up for ourselves and for others.
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: And as I'm thinking, as you were talking through that, it just hit me like a blinding obvious Every boundary we set, whether it's for others, it's actually for ourselves Every single boundary we think that we're setting it for others, but it's actually our own boundary for ourselves, because nobody else can really enforce that upon us.
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: Mmm, yes, so I think we could wrap this conversation up today with an actionable action within the next 24 hours.
• 19:22
  Speaker 2: I actually would love to throw a knife at you.
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: Oh, okay, all the time to you, ness, do I do this all the time?
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: I do have one other perspective and point I want to share with you.
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: Go for it, or we wrap it up, because when we talk about defining what self-carries, let's just have a look.
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: So we've talked about, you've got the classic things to foundational things to take care of.
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: You've got the other aspects that bring joy, that amplify who we are and the joy that we have.
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: It's about defining it for yourself, not, oh, they love a bath, I'll love a bath.
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: Let's throw that out.
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: But actually then, in its purest form, it's being aware of how we talk to ourselves, how we treat ourselves.
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: I saw this.
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: So there's so many different layers.
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: There isn't there and that thread that goes through that.
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: And I saw this video recently on, I think, instagram probably, and this young girl was sitting outside, or this young woman was sitting outside and she said when did being human become self-care?
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: And it was a really interesting perspective, and this is what I'm marinating on now as well, as I define what self-carries?
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: And do we even need to?
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: I don't know, but her whole point was she showed us the sky looked amazing.
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: It was one of those days where the clouds were doing beautiful things sitting under palm trees, sitting outside eating her lunch.
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: The norm has become not doing that, not being outside, not sitting under the clouds in the sky.
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: The norm has become for so many people hustling, being inside, sitting in front of a computer.
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: So we've had to actually define this thing that is pure, our truest natural form of, for example, sitting outside, that it is a thing that we have to be aware of to do and labeling it self-care.
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: So I want to challenge our listeners and us to go this whole definition of what that looks like.
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: Is it actually self-care or is it almost a homecoming?
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: It's coming back to just who we're actually meant to be, or how we're meant to be.
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: I feel like that's a bit left of centre, but it's important to consider and it's been in my mind since.
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: So that might lead into a bit of an action as well.
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I think just picking up on that, sitting outside and without our phone, could be the best bit of self-care that we do.
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: And just sitting in and then taking in the environment that we're in, like that self-care right.
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah, because for busy business people, busy leaders out there in the workplace, how we're attached to our phones.
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: So how could it be for you and maybe that's the actionable action is to take the time out.
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: So we're saying within 24 hours, if you can find a place, doesn't have to be outside because we don't know what the weather is going to be like on the day you're listening to this.
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: But the opportunity to take some time out without technology and really consider how am I speaking to myself and what's the best thing I can do for me today to demonstrate to myself self-care.
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: Love it.
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: Amazing.
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: Beautiful, have a fantastic week and I trust that you take that time out and that it makes a difference for you.
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: We'll see you next time.
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: Thanks for listening to today's app.
• 22:28
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• 22:33
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• 22:39
  Speaker 1: Ness and I are obsessed with helping you break through your business and life barriers to get you to your next frontier of growth.
• 22:48
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• 22:53
  Speaker 1: As the magician, I help connect the dots, see the possibilities and the hidden potential, and as the architect, ness turns those possibilities into practice, implementing plans and frameworks.
• 23:05
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• 23:10
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• 23:16
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• 23:18
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• 23:22
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• 23:25
  Speaker 1: Until next time, happy listening and here's to thriving in business and life.