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The Difference Between Codependency vs. Interdependent · RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way

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  SPEAKER_00: Today's episode is produced by my friends at Walk West.
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  SPEAKER_00: If you're looking to grow your brand and generate leads through podcast or video production, head over to walkwest.com.
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  SPEAKER_00: Okay, let's start the show.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: Rise up, live joy your way.
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  SPEAKER_01: From emotional intelligence through cognitive distortions, certified life and wellness coach Comedy Wood is on a mission to help people see the magnificence of their own unique human spirit.
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  SPEAKER_01: Through these small bites of self-visualization and self-confidence, you can have healthy relationships, success in business and career, and live the life you want to live.
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  SPEAKER_01: Rise up, live joy your way.
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  SPEAKER_00: Hi there and welcome to another episode of Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
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  SPEAKER_00: Whether it's morning, afternoon, or evening, I thank you for taking some time out of your day to spend here with me.
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  SPEAKER_00: And today we're going to be talking about the difference between codependency and interdependency.
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  SPEAKER_00: I know that on this podcast I've spoken about codependency before, I know I've spoken about interdependency before, but honestly, I don't think that we can talk about it too much because so many relationships deal with this concept of codependency.
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  SPEAKER_00: Just think about it.
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  SPEAKER_00: Think about the relationships in your life.
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  SPEAKER_00: Whether you're thinking about your parent or a friend or one of your family members or a coworker, think about how you act in those types of relationships.
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  SPEAKER_00: In that relationship that you're thinking about, are both parties benefiting?
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  SPEAKER_00: Do both parties give and take equally?
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  SPEAKER_00: Or are you thinking about a relationship where you find yourself giving everything, over-functioning, over-giving, maybe not getting much in return?
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  SPEAKER_00: I definitely have been working with some clients recently who have been in some pretty codependent situations where they have been over-functioning and over-giving, and they're realizing that it's no longer healthy for them.
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  SPEAKER_00: So if you're thinking about a relationship where this might be the case, there is a good chance that that relationship has some codependent uh tendencies.
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  SPEAKER_00: So how do we tell the difference?
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  SPEAKER_00: Well, first of all, codependency.
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  SPEAKER_00: What is it?
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  SPEAKER_00: Codependency is when a person feels dependent on another person, where people who are codependent have a hard time actually forming healthy relationships.
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  SPEAKER_00: And typically in these relationships, the set one's sense of um self-worth and value is dependent upon the other person.
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  SPEAKER_00: Rather than being able to work on their self-worth and value from within, it's all externally based.
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  SPEAKER_00: Decisions, emotions, and moods will be dependent on the other person in the relationship.
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  SPEAKER_00: So if we're talking about a romantic relationship, a codependent person would be dependent on their partner and base their mood on their partner's mood.
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  SPEAKER_00: Codependent individuals oftentimes will find themselves neglecting their own personal wants, needs, and desires to focus on their partner instead.
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  SPEAKER_00: Truth be told, sometimes parent-child relationships will end up being in this codependent, this codependent dynamic because a lot of parents will find themselves over-functioning for their children.
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  SPEAKER_00: As a mom, I can say for sure that I have definitely been in that part of that stage where I would over-function and overgive.
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  SPEAKER_00: And that and part of my own growth process, and also as my children aged and grew up, it was realizing that I needed to find a way to create some type of interdependence with them because them being codependent on me or vice versa was not a healthy dynamic.
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  SPEAKER_00: So what's interdependency?
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  SPEAKER_00: Interdependency is when you have a shared mutual dependence.
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  SPEAKER_00: So two people coming together to form that sec that intersection of us.
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  SPEAKER_00: However, each person still has their ability to have their own identity.
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  SPEAKER_00: They have their own joy, their own sense of fulfillment, interests, achievements.
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  SPEAKER_00: So together there's this overlapping part that is the relationship itself, the two people together, the us, if you will.
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  SPEAKER_00: And then, of course, there's the distinctive parts where each person can still be identified as their own individual person.
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  SPEAKER_00: And there's support for each person fulfilling those independent desires and needs.
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  SPEAKER_00: So what does a codependent relationship look like?
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  SPEAKER_00: And again, take this with a grain of salt because not all relationships are going to be exactly the same, right?
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  SPEAKER_00: But it's just to give you an idea of what one might look like.
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  SPEAKER_00: So sometimes we accidentally fall into one.
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  SPEAKER_00: We don't even, it's not that we're consciously creating it, but sometimes it does happen.
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  SPEAKER_00: It happens when we, like I mentioned, parent-child, sometimes it happens at work.
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  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it happens when we're just dating somebody.
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  SPEAKER_00: We're not even in a long-term relationship with them.
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  SPEAKER_00: And then of course it does happen in romantic relationships, oftentimes.
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  SPEAKER_00: That's where we'll see it, the codependency.
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  SPEAKER_00: Really, that's where we pay most attention to it.
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  SPEAKER_00: But you know that you're getting, when you're like, let's say when you're dating somebody, you're getting to know them, you're getting to know their interests and their hobbies, what they like and what they don't like.
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  SPEAKER_00: It's easy to pay attention to maybe to that other person and forget your own needs, desires, and wants.
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  SPEAKER_00: And so this behavior can quickly lead into that unhealthy codependent relationship.
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  SPEAKER_00: So some signs of a codependent relationship.
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  SPEAKER_00: When you find yourself always being together with your partner, you don't actually have some time where you're just by yourself.
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  SPEAKER_00: Uh, asking for permission before hanging out with your own friends.
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  SPEAKER_00: So that's different than communicating that there's a plan for you to hang out with your friends, but it's actually feeling like you need your partner's permission before you can hang out with your friends.
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  SPEAKER_00: Uh, blaming your partner for any unhappiness, you feel more concerned about your partner's opinions, maybe, than your own.
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  SPEAKER_00: Or you're worrying more about your partner's happiness over your own happiness.
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  SPEAKER_00: And this doesn't mean that we don't care or have empathy for how our partner is feeling, but when we make their happiness the priority over paying attention to our own emotions, that's when it could be potentially a sign of a codependent relationship.
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  SPEAKER_00: So then what does an interdependent one look like?
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  SPEAKER_00: Well, when we're talking about, I'm talking here about romantic relationships.
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  SPEAKER_00: So interdependent couples definitely have a healthier balance between meeting their own needs and their partner's needs.
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  SPEAKER_00: And so some common characteristics of that type of relationship are boundaries.
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  SPEAKER_00: Boundaries are set and they're respected.
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  SPEAKER_00: There is compromise.
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  SPEAKER_00: There's healthy communication.
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  SPEAKER_00: And when I'm referring to healthy communication, when one partner is speaking to the other partner, they don't feel like they have to walk on eggshells.
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  SPEAKER_00: They're able to have that healthy communication without worry about repercussion.
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  SPEAKER_00: Individuals have their own thoughts while considering their partners.
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  SPEAKER_00: So it's not that we don't we dismiss our partners' thoughts, but we're each allowed to have our own thoughts.
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  SPEAKER_00: This is actually part of boundaries as well, that every single person has the ability to have their own thoughts and feelings.
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  SPEAKER_00: And in an interdependent relationship, that's very true.
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  SPEAKER_00: The realization that you are your own person.
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  SPEAKER_00: You're not just half of another person.
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  SPEAKER_00: And this I talk about routinely, which is um it's about complementing each other, not completing each other.
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  SPEAKER_00: I will often refer to that in that movie Jerry Maguire, there's this really romantic scene where one person says to the other person, you complete me.
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  SPEAKER_00: And it's just Hollywood romance.
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  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I'm not disputing Hollywood romance and how romantic it is to have that concept, but in some sense, that's more of an illustration of codependency rather than interdependency, which would have been you compliment me, which just doesn't sound as snazzy, which is why I understand they didn't use it in the movie.
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  SPEAKER_00: But again, back to interdependency, respect for yourself and your partner, and there's just this feeling of security.
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  SPEAKER_00: It's just important as you are reflecting on some of the things that I've been mentioning about interdependency and codependency, take some time to reflect on the relationships in your life.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: If you're noticing that there might be a sense of codependency, ask yourself what might need to change.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes when we're really enmeshed in the codependent relationship and we've lost that sense of self, that's when we need to seek outside support.
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  SPEAKER_00: If you'd like to talk with me about this or anything else, by all means, feel free to reach out at any time at chatwithcomedy.com.
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  SPEAKER_00: And until next time, stay well.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for listening to Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
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  SPEAKER_01: For more information, book a chat with comedy at www.chatwithcomedy.com or visit her website at www.comedywood.com.
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  SPEAKER_01: You can also find comedy on Facebook or Instagram.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_01: Username it's authentic me.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for listening.