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Why It's Hard Dating After You Leave a Toxic Relationship · The Mental Healness Podcast

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What is going on? Beautiful, beautiful folks.
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Lee Hammock, your favorite diagnosed narcissist here and
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we're talking about dating after a toxic relationship, dating
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after narcissistic abuse, dating after just anything like that's
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what we're talking about today, y'all?
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And I know a lot of people ask me this question like Lee, why
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is dating so hard after you leave a narcissist?
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Why is dating why? Why is the next the first
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relationship so tough? Like why, when will I be ready
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to date da da da blah blah blah. I get it, I get it.
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I promise you, I understand that.
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I get it can be a frustrating dynamic, especially when you're
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leaving a narcissist, when you're getting out of a toxic
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relationship, when you're finally, when you finally feel
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like you are starting to heal. Now you got to deal with a
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narcissist right now you have to deal with a toxic person.
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That's what goes on right here. So that's what today we talked
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about taking the necessary steps to be ready for your next
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relationship to to know when you're ready to start dating, to
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know when you like to know and also to recognize just in case
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you might be dealing with a narcissist right, 'cause some
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people out there, you might get back-to-back narcissist.
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I thought we talked about this yesterday or yesterday's live,
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right? I know we talked about this in
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yesterday's live to do this type of stuff right here.
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We we talked about understanding narcissistic abuse and knowing
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when you're ready, knowing when things go in your direction.
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And like I said, also back-to-back to back like Kobe,
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like Kobe Bryant or whatnot. If you're just joining the live,
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make sure to hit that thumbs up button.
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Y'all hit the thumbs up and also drop a comment.
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We're gonna do a question and answer at the end today.
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We'll do a special question and answer after I finish the live
1:44
topic. I'll put the link in the
1:46
comments and it will have a couple people come on and ask
1:49
questions directly. If y'all like doing it right
1:51
there, So what I'll do. And like, you don't have to turn
1:54
your camera on. You don't have to turn again.
1:56
You don't have to turn your camera on, but you can if you
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want to. So I'll drop the link right
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here. So y'all can, you can actually
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hop on the waiting room now. So I don't see what people hop
2:05
on. But yeah, y'all, the first thing
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you want to do, like if you're terrified to start dating again
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because you're afraid that you'll just attract another
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narcissist, that fear is really your and your intuition trying
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to guard you, trying to protect you.
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It's like warning signs, right? It's like that fear that you
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feel, it really is like noticing A brightly colored snake in the
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wild, right? You know brightly colored things
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in nature, typically you want to avoid them, right?
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Like that brightly colored frog. It's pretty, but it's a poison
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dart frog. It's got the beautiful designs.
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That brightly colored lime green arachnid.
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You might want to stay away from it because it might bite your
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ass, right? It might be, but it might be a
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bitey animal. I used the word bitey.
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It might be very bitey, right? So you might, you might want to
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stay away from those type of those type of situation right
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there, right? Because that helps keep you
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safe, that helps protect you in the long run when you're dealing
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with highly narcissistic types of people, stay away from
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brightly colored narcissists. You know what I mean?
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The brightly colored ones, the ones who dress nice and stuff
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like that, right? That's it.
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In that situation too. Stay away from the brightly
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colored, highly colored, narcissistic people, right?
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And that's like what's going on right here in situations.
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So it's like being able to detect yourself, like
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understanding how that works, right?
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But like today, we're going to help you move into like move,
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move from being paralyzed to being empowered, to making your
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own choices, to not being afraid of walking away and using the
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word no. Because that's what ends up
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happening right there. Y'all So many people get
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conditioned to to be to be afraid of using the word no that
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it can stifle you. It can absolutely stifle you
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'cause you're afraid to use the word no.
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You get stuck. You got like if you get out
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there and get ready, you have to be ready to use the word no,
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like you like the word no has to be in your book bag.
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It has to be you can't you look you, you got your purse, you got
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your wallet, you got your shoes, you got your underwear on.
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You got your shirt. You also have to pack the word
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no as you go. You got to be, I'm sorry.
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You have to be able to pack the word no as you go.
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Like seriously. Because if you don't, you'll
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just set yourself up for failure.
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You absolutely will. That's the way it goes right
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there. You will set yourself up for
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failure and whatnot and it will set you up It will 100% set you
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up, so you have to be able to use the word no.
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He doesn't accept no So what you got to give it a no you all
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means have no. You have to be able to back it
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up, though you know it has to be enforceable.
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You have to enforce the no you know you have to be able to
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force the no right now that you have to be able to enforce it
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and whatnot. Y'all sorry I got caught.
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I got distracted a little bit by something that's going on in my
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in my peripherals and whatnot. But also take your time.
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It's important you got to be able to take your time because
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if you speed is and always will be the weapon of the narcissist,
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it just is. The faster you go, the better it
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is for a narcissist because you are going to blow by the red
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flags. The faster you go, the more you
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will miss. The more you will miss.
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That's just factual data. Factual data.
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The faster you go, the more you will miss.
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Like realistically, like the faster you go.
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So do I tell people to slow your behind down?
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Because if you don't, you're going to get mixed up in
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toxicity and that's going to mess your life up.
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It's going to, it's going to counteract your life right here,
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right? It really is.
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So you got to retrain your nervous system to prefer
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consistency over the intense chemistry.
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Cause y'all be y'all be looking for that, that, that chemistry.
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Y'all be waiting for that. Y'all want the chemical
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explosion happening fast. Just like I need the fastness.
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I think I had a woman message me the other day.
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She said, Lee, what about when you're older?
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You don't have time to take it slow.
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You better take it slow. Like you better take it slow
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because you, you, you. If you don't want to take it
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slow because you're older, you don't get you going to be
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primed. You're primed to be manipulated,
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primed to be taken advantage of. You're priming yourself.
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You're nervous if you're priming everything to be able to take
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people to take advantage of you. So you have to be able to say
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no. He has to.
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And Tammy said yes. He saw the debate, saw that as
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debate time. When I said no, yeah, 'cause
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they want to. They want to challenge you.
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They want to change your mind. The more we debate, the longer
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we talk, the more we go back and forth, the more I think I can
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change your mind. I can, I can flip you off of a
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topic and mess it up. You see what I'm saying?
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You have to be able to say no and you also have to be able to
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enforce it because like this is what goes on, this what happens
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all the time in situations like this.
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It really truly does. And that's that, that's that
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mindset that so many people are facing when you're dealing with
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narcissists. They think they get you afraid
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to say no or they get you to the point where you feel guilty
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about saying the word no. You get like especially when you
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get there, getting to know somebody, you feel guilty about
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saying the word no, right that be happening.
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You feel guilty as hell about using and saying the word no,
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and that can mess with you. It really can.
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That's the part right there that gets into people's heads.
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It really can. So you got to be able to say
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this. You got to be able to deal with
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this and whatnot and take your time.
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Please, y'all, please take your time because if you don't, it's
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going to mess with your head. It just is.
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The next thing on my list is like when you I say this, when
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you are out there getting to know someone and you feel the
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chemistry happening, you feel things are going well.
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Y'all resist the urge to trauma dump, right?
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Resist that urge to trauma dump. Resist it because the more
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information you give to this person, the more that they will
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use it against you, right? The more they will use it
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against you later on. Because if you trauma dump on
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me, if you, let's just say I'm a narcissist in your life, right?
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And we're, you're meet, we're meeting each other for the first
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time. You trauma dump on me.
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I'm a use it against you. I know what you've been through,
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right? If you tell me that you on our
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first date, if you tell me you've been with a narcissist
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before and then your last relationship was extremely toxic
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and you had a liar and a manipulator.
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I'm gonna just say, look, girl, I'm nothing like your ex.
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You know that, right? Like I'm not I'm here.
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God put me in your life to treat you good.
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Did not hurt. You did not put you this stuff.
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You know that, right? I'm not like your ex.
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I'm better than them. I'm going to treat you good.
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You can trust me. And then y'all head over heels
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in love. I believe you.
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I believe you. I trust you don't even know my
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don't even know my last name. Just understand.
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I got AI got a sultry voice and now you don't even know my last
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name. And now I got you.
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You ain't know my last name now I got you.
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What you going to do? Slow down, stop rushing the
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process y'all, because the I'm just telling you, the faster you
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rush, the more you're going to lose.
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I promise you 'cause you people give in like oh, I love you so
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much. You listen to me.
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Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. What'd you say?
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I did 7. I did 7 days behind bars.
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The judge had to go back to get the victim and her five warrant
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partners go oh wow wow goodness gracious.
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But you see how it goes though right there y'all slow it down,
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make people earn your trust make people earn the benefit of the
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doubt in this situation and whatnot make people earn it.
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You have to like because if they don't have to earn it, then
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there's no work to put in just think about it right there.
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If I ain't got if I don't have to earn the work, then there's
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nothing I need to do. Y'all make it too.
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Don't make it too easy on me right?
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Why would you make it easy on me?
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And now if it's easy, I'm going to keep doing what you got to
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do. You know what I mean?
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Don't make it easy on this toxic narcissistic bastard.
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So take your time. I'm not telling you to not share
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anything, but make them earn the information.
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Make them earn the fact that they're there, right rate them,
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make them earn it. And you also got to know when
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you got to look. Y'all hear this song?
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Got to know when to hold them, know when to fold them.
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That's you got to know when it's a red flag or when it's just
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somebody being human, right? You got to know know where to
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hold them, know where to fold them, but don't be afraid to
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fold them regardless, because if you're scared to, if you're
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scared to miss out on somebody that you just met, you're in for
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a wild ride. I promise you, you are in for a
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wild ride. You know what I mean?
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You, you, you just are. You just are it's going, it's
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going, it's going to mess your life up.
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You're if you were afraid to miss out somebody, you just you
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just like met. You're in for a wild and rough
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time. I promise you that right there.
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You know what I mean? I promise you, and that will
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mess with your head. So make people earn the
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information, make people earn your trust, make people earn it
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right. And also, let's say if you beat
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when you see a red flag, don't be afraid to run.
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You fast. You've been working on you.
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You you fast. You've been working on this
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stuff. Take your don't be afraid to
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run. There's more.
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There's more fish in the sea. Did you learn how to you and you
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know how to swim. Come on now.
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You're better than that. You know better.
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You Yeah. You do know better, right?
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Right. You see what I'm saying?
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So don't let that happen right there.
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Take your time. And also, y'all in this
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situation right here, think about this right here in this
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last, I think is one of the last thing I got to say right here on
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this topic. Like in this situation right
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here when you're dealing with someone like this and you and
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their ex reaches out to you or multiple exes reach out to you
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and say, hey this person has been treating me horribly,
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right? This person has been treating me
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horribly. This person is a narcissist.
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This person is an abuser. Y'all got to understand that not
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everybody is lying to you right? There's so many people that I do
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one on ones with their biggest regret be not listening to the
13:45
ex that reached out, be not listening to the person that
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tried to help them. That'd be the biggest regret,
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you know, I mean, that'd be the biggest regret.
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So many people like their ex reached out to me on Facebook
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and I just decided to block them instead of like I decided to
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block them instead of just taking what they said from face
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value. I just thought that they were
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jealous and wanted my new Boo who I just met 5 minutes ago.
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I, this is what I thought, you know, this is what I thought was
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going on. And then you get caught up and
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you be sad as hell, right? That's what ends up happening.
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That's a different that's what ends up happening in these
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situations right here, y'all. So we're going to transition to
14:22
the next step. Next step I do have I have a
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one-on-one I got to do over zoom in a minute.
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So if you want to hop on and ask a a question or two or share a
14:30
little bit, I just drop the link right here in here.
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So give me one second. We're going to hop to that next
14:36
part of right here. We're doing live interviews.
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I'm going to start doing more of these right here.
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Y'all. Where are we at first?
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Can you hear me? It's beloved.
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I don't know if you can hear me. Yeah.
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What's up? How you doing?
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I'm good. What's?
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Going on, how can I help you out today?
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Hello. Yeah.
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Can you hear me? I'm sorry.
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Yeah, I can. I'm sorry, I'm at work.
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I'm trying to multitask all right.
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You you had a question or two while you're at work?
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No, I actually don't. I'm just listening.
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OK, we'll, we'll, we'll we'll chat in a little bit.
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OK. OK.
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Sorry about that. OK, we're OK.
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So, yeah, if you want to hop in the box, I just dropped it in
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the comment section, Right? It looks like this right here.
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Yeah, you ask a question or two and whatnot, but also y'all,
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another thing about the dating stuff right here.
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If you feel like you're attract, you're attracted to the same
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type of person and they just happen to be narcissistic, you
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got to just kind of, you might have to revamp what you who and
15:47
what you're attracted to, right, Right.
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Everybody that you end up dating is a narcissist in some way,
15:54
shape or form. You got to readdress what you're
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attracted to. Can you let me hear this?
15:58
Can you hear me? It says it says Miss Banks, can
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you hear me? It's popping up.
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I don't know if you can hear me. You're it says you.
16:10
You got you're on mute right now.
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Can't mute you guys because they chose to mute themselves.
16:13
They say you mute it right now, Miss Banks, if you want to
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unmute yourself or just drop me a message when you unmute
16:23
yourself, something might pop up.
16:24
Can you hear me? Hello.
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Hey, what's up? How you doing?
16:30
Hi. How are you?
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I didn't expect so quickly to be able to talk to you, but thanks.
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No. Problem What's?
16:36
Going on, I just had a question when the when the ex you, you
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had a big argument pretty much like you're breaking up, but
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they take a couple days, they start reaching out, texting,
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calling, but about everything but the argument.
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What, what, what, what are they trying to accomplish it?
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It was like, are you OK? And then like, OK, that's all I
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wanted. And then they hang up the phone.
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But then the text comes. I'm sorry.
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Oh, I need to talk to the friend that you referred me to about a,
17:12
a business situation. Oh, thanks.
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Let me know when I can talk to him and then hang up the phone.
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And I'm like you just glazed over the whole argument we had
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like couple days ago. Yeah, because that's the goal
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right there is to glaze over it, right?
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The goal in that situation is to just verify that they still have
17:30
some type of access to you, make sure that you're still answering
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the phone and responding and just hopefully the issue will
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just fade into oblivion, right? They just hope the issue doesn't
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have to get bought up again because they would rather it
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just pass. It would just pass by then to
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rather deal with it, right? So that's what ends up
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happening. So they don't want to act.
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They want, they will prefer to act like not not act like
17:53
nothing happened and still get what they want from you and just
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gloss over whatever the issue actually was.
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You know what I mean? Yeah.
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I mean, I I don't understand it because how is that going to end
18:05
well unless I accept it? Exactly, unless you accept it
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right, that's how it ends well for them because they they, if
18:12
they hopefully and this does work sometimes right where they
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will just ignore the actual issues, ignore what they've
18:17
actually done and just talk to you over and over again and then
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y'all just pick up where you left off like nothing happened.
18:23
That's the goal there. They don't want to be held
18:26
accountable for anything. They would rather just Hey,
18:28
Luke. Yeah, and this the last argument
18:32
that we had, he was dead wrong. And I, I got so furious because,
18:37
you know, we end up being like people that kind of like people
18:41
pleasers. Like you don't want to argue.
18:43
You just say yes and, you know, let it go.
18:45
But I, I got to the point where I, I started cursing and I, I
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told him, I said, you don't get the F and tell me that I'm the,
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you know, I just, I just went off.
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And I think that was like a shock because I had never done
18:56
that before. Yeah, yeah.
18:59
And that's what ends up happening, right?
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That's what ends up going on right there because you end up
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having a, a visceral reaction to the things that you've been
19:07
going through. And then you pop off and then
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you look like the aggressor. They, they sometimes, sometimes
19:12
they can be referred to as reactive abuse or just a
19:15
reactive to what they've done to you and whatnot.
19:18
And then you look like, like, why you yelling?
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See why I was just having to try to have a conversation now here
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you go right here. You know, so they try to make
19:24
it, make themselves out to be the victim because they have a,
19:27
you have a reaction to what they've been doing and how
19:30
they've been handling it and whatnot, right.
19:32
Right, So what? What's their whole point though?
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And and and starting this all over again because I'm supposed
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to be the one that's at fault. So here you're back, texting me
19:42
about random nonsense. That's just that that's just
19:44
keeping access to you right there, because that's just
19:47
verifying that the relationship dynamic is not over.
19:50
You're still responding to me. You're still I, you haven't
19:53
blocked me. So I'm just making sure I'm in
19:55
or I'm, I'm orbiting you right now, right?
19:58
He's orbiting. He's just around.
19:59
He's letting you know that he's still there, right?
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They're messing with you just as just say, hey, I'm still here,
20:05
I'm still around. And whatnot and whatever comes
20:09
next, because they want to be, they always want to be.
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Just know that they want you to know that they're still going to
20:14
be around in some way, shape or form.
20:17
Yeah, Yeah, I got it. Thank you so much.
20:20
No. Problem.
20:21
Thanks for hopping on and sharing.
20:23
Yeah, have a good one. You as well poo poo.
20:28
If anybody else I just drop the link in y'all.
20:30
If y'all want to hop on ask a question or two, of course you
20:35
don't have to, but like I said, I'm just trying to get more
20:38
involved and have more like more guests hop on and whatnot.
20:41
The link looks like this right here.
20:43
It says this is the link to come on.
20:44
It says it's a stream yard. I don't know.
20:46
I know it kind of looks like spam, but it's a link to
20:49
actually come on and share like ask a question or two or what
20:51
not. You can drop it in the comment
20:52
section. I'm still reading the comments
20:53
y'all. They do want love.
20:54
They won't love, but they don't know how to receive it or to
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give it right. It's kind of crazy.
20:59
They want love, they want to be loved, but they don't know how
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to give love or receive it. And that's what ends up
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happening right there. They don't have to give love and
21:09
or receive it and what not that it just goes on right there.
21:14
On Week 2 of Escaping my Narc, it's harder than I thought, but
21:16
so much better. Having to regulate my emotions
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is hard. Yeah, it's going to be, it's
21:20
it's hard. It's going to be hard, right.
21:22
When you're dealing with emotional regulation, especially
21:25
after leaving a toxic relationship, it's very
21:27
difficult because when you're in a relationship with a
21:29
narcissist, you tend to have to bottle your emotions up because
21:33
of what's what's happening, what you're going through, right?
21:36
You have to bottle those things up because of how things go.
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Like you're afraid to get a reaction from that person.
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You're afraid of them saying or doing something to you.
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So you bottle everything up, you really do.
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And this ends up happening. So when you get out of it,
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right, So you leave it, everything you don't, you're no
21:54
longer in that bottle, right? You're no longer in that bottle
21:58
and that will end up happening. Is it possible to go from the X
22:03
that's getting recycled to a relationship again?
22:05
I might want to clarify that just a little bit.
22:07
Can you hear me? Hi.
22:10
Hey, what's up? Can you hear me?
22:12
Yeah, I can hear you. Yes.
22:13
All right, so there's this guy and he's a little bit older than
22:19
I am, and I'm not necessarily young.
22:22
So we were dating and it was, I was in the beginning, I was
22:25
like, well, let's just keep this casual.
22:27
I mean, as long as my theory is is, you know, we're too old to
22:32
be boyfriends and girlfriends. You know, we see each other, we
22:36
date, you know, he's a little older, I'm older.
22:41
A true relationship for me at this point is marriage.
22:44
If we're not married, you know, then we're just basically
22:48
friends. So it was going really well.
22:52
We were dating. We were going to, you know,
22:54
shows and concerts. And then his behaviors changed.
23:00
So I start noticing the behaviors changed.
23:03
And then I kind of backed up myself.
23:05
So of course, I'm going on different dates with other
23:09
people. And then that kind of, you know,
23:12
unnerved him. Yeah.
23:14
So after that he started dating himself and I'm like, OK, so I
23:20
didn't give a reaction. And I would see these different
23:24
types of people that he would go on dates with and I wasn't, I
23:28
wasn't jealous, you know, and I think that really bothered him
23:32
to the fact that I wasn't jealous.
23:33
So I'm at the standpoint is that since I've seen these type of
23:38
people that you're dating with, I just feel like he's no longer
23:42
someone that I should date. So now he's doing like these
23:45
weird things like sending me screenshots of me when I'm at
23:49
events, you know, saying, oh, you're always here.
23:52
You're always there. And I'm like, I'm going to live
23:55
my life like what? And he's trying to make me feel
23:59
bad about, you know, continuing on.
24:05
Yeah, but they they happen sometimes right there.
24:07
They want to make you feel bad and make you feel guilty because
24:10
that keeps you stationary and hopefully in that kind of dating
24:13
zone, like in the in kind of in the warm zone to date or be able
24:17
to reach out to you later on if it even if he's dating other
24:20
people, right? That happens too.
24:22
Like they can be out here dating other people, seeing, seeing
24:25
multiple people and yet still doing the same exact thing,
24:28
right? Just not necessarily committing
24:30
to you, but playing these games to kind of keep you on the hook
24:33
and whatnot. And like you, you say, if you
24:35
see the type of people that he's dating and he trying to date you
24:38
and he's trying to include you, that type of person that he's
24:40
dating, right? So that we that happens too,
24:43
right there as well. It's kind of like deciding what
24:46
you want or how you want things to kind of go as well are going
24:50
to be extremely important too, right?
24:52
Those things will be extremely important, but I'm not really.
24:55
I'm not really dating. I mean, I'll go on the dates,
24:58
but I'll lots of times I'm not like on social events with my
25:01
with my with my work friends or my home girls or things like
25:04
that. And he's out physically with
25:07
these other women, like holding arm and the whole thing.
25:12
But yeah, stills like telling me, oh, you're always in the
25:15
street, you're always here, you're always there.
25:18
And I'm like, I'm not supposed to live my life.
25:22
The no, you're not supposed to live your life.
25:24
You, you, you're, you're supposed to be there waiting,
25:27
waiting around on him to settle down and just stop dating other
25:31
people, right? That's what he's doing.
25:34
I said that's what it sounds like he's doing right there
25:35
because it sounds like he's projecting what he's actually
25:38
doing onto you. You know, he's not like, he's
25:40
like he's doing out here in the streets and dating and doing all
25:43
this other stuff, but he's trying to make it seem like you
25:45
are to kind of keep you right where you are, to kind of keep
25:48
you stuck and whatnot, right? That's typically what that
25:50
mindset goes as well with what they're trying to do with how
25:54
they're going about doing things as well, you know?
25:58
So that's just my manipulation to keep me stagnant, huh?
26:01
That's what you're saying. They keep you, they keep you
26:03
stagnant, right? They keep you from moving on and
26:06
just making the decision that you want to just be free or live
26:09
the light, live your life how you want to live it.
26:12
That's precisely what he's doing right now.
26:14
It's it's very game like. That's why he's not, that's why
26:16
he's not committing. He's just playing these games
26:19
and whatnot. And just also saying, telling
26:21
you that you're the one out here playing the games and you're the
26:24
one who's not committing to him or blah, blah, blah, whatever it
26:28
is, right? He's just trying to make it seem
26:29
like you're the bad guy here. We haven't done anything wrong,
26:33
but that's the mentality. That's what that's how you, when
26:35
that's when you're dealing with a narcissistic person, that's
26:37
kind of what you get right there.
26:39
That's the end result of it right there.
26:40
They just necessarily, they want to keep you around, but don't
26:43
necessarily want to commit. They just want to have their
26:46
cake and eat it as well, right? All right.
26:48
Well, thank you. How do I hang up on this?
26:50
I got, I got it. I can do it.
26:51
Thank you for hopping on. Thank you all.
26:53
Right. Bye bye.
26:56
Is that I got a few more minutes.
26:57
Y'all going on somebody else wants to hop on Doo Doo Doo.
27:02
I'll drop the link right here. Here's the link.
27:07
Here's the link right here if y'all want to hop on.
27:09
Yes, it's projecting. Yep, absolutely.
27:12
And why do they keep lying and the lies doesn't stop?
27:15
Because lying. It's going to sound weird when I
27:17
say this, but lying is a form of control.
27:22
I know that sounds weird, but lying is absolutely a form of
27:25
control by a narcissistic person.
27:27
Because if I lie, I control what the truth is.
27:32
I control how things are viewed. I control how people are viewed,
27:36
right? I control the narrative.
27:38
So you will get a lot of lying ass narcissistic people out here
27:43
that do this type of stuff as well.
27:45
They just be lying asses. Are they really 100% do this be
27:48
the mentality that so many people face and that so many
27:51
people are dealing with as well? Because that's the, that really
27:53
is part of it. You know, when you're dealing
27:55
with somebody who has this mentality, it can be very
27:57
difficult as well. But they self sabotage by line.
28:01
Yeah. Self sabotage is kind of like
28:03
self sabotage is kind of like a core of narcissism, right?
28:06
It's kind of a core. It's kind of like a root.
28:09
Like most narcissists are going to sabotage themselves in some
28:12
way, shape or form, right? Most are going to do it.
28:16
I'm dropping the link. I said the link is a stream yard
28:18
link. Yeah, I'll drop.
28:19
Like I said, I dropped it in the comments already, but it's a
28:22
stream yard link. It looks, it just looks weird.
28:25
I'll drop. I'll drop it like this.
28:27
I'll drop it directly on here. Is that y'all just join the
28:31
live, make sure y'all hit the hit the thumbs up on the live as
28:33
well. Just hit the little thumbs up
28:35
like live and then drop a comment.
28:38
I'm reading the comments as y'all going to see.
28:42
I wonder if it go back to relationship If what go back the
28:45
person lies so much. Yep Yep.
28:48
Is lying also Yeah, no, absolutely lying is lying is
28:51
100% a formal manipulation. Yeah, it it really is because
28:56
they're trying to change the narrative, they're trying to
28:58
manipulate. They're trying to get people to
29:00
believe what they want to believe.
29:02
He said if I just say yes, honey, then we'll be fine.
29:05
The control they want is unreal. Yeah, that's that's that.
29:08
You know, if you think about how dumb that, if you think about
29:10
how dumb that is right there, that's crazy as hell to say out
29:14
loud. If you just say yes, honey to
29:16
everything, we'll be fine. Really.
29:25
How dumb does that sound? Oh, y'all that sounds this, this
29:27
sounds stupid. That sounds ridiculous right
29:30
there. If you just say yes, honey,
29:32
we'll be fine, we'll be fine. What?
29:35
But the line is mixed with a bunch of effort and good
29:37
behavior, but there's still lies and other types of behavior.
29:39
He's like 5050. So is so is 50.
29:42
You got to ask yourself out here, local, local, local Luna,
29:46
you got to ask yourself, is 50% truth good enough to stay with
29:49
or be around? Could you say 5050?
29:52
That's that's a horrible ratio right there for telling the
29:55
truth. That's a horrible ratio for
29:57
being honest in a relationship. I'll be real with you.
29:59
That's a that's a horrible relationship.
30:01
That's a horrible ratio to be live.
30:04
I mean, to be in a relationship like that, you know what I mean?
30:06
So 5050 enough 50 people people be people be argue about paying
30:11
50% of the 5050 of the bills, not 5050 honesty.
30:15
You know what I mean? Not 5050 honesty. 50% of the
30:19
bills we were talking about 50% lies and honesty, right?
30:30
That's me. Why do they reject intimacy if
30:32
you're married to a narcissist? Because intimacy, like some
30:35
narcissist can be condemn there be asexual where they don't
30:38
require any type of intimacy at all.
30:41
But others do it just to mess with you.
30:43
Others do it just to mess with you and hurt your feelings.
30:45
So let's let's just say you put on some some lingerie in front
30:49
of Bernard like you, you you super nervous.
30:51
You're super kind of you're kind of self-conscious about your
30:53
body, but you decide to put on some lingerie and you reveal
30:57
yourself and they're like they're like, damn, we you look
31:00
stupid as hell with that on. That's to hurt your feelings.
31:05
You look dumb. Put some clothes on sometimes.
31:08
Sometimes they do things on purpose just to hurt your
31:10
feelings and whatnot. Y'all so I do have to get prep.
31:14
Y'all have a one-on-one here in the next few minutes.
31:16
Y'all. So I do have to get prep for my
31:17
one-on-one. I do phone calls.
31:19
I do phone calls, I do Zoom calls.
31:22
Everything is available at mentalillness.net.
31:25
So if you see it right here, mental illness.net, check it
31:27
out. For my coaching, I have my
31:29
courses as well. And the next live I'm going to
31:33
choose a topic to do y'all, I'm going to choose a topic and then
31:36
I'll just have guests on because I'm tired of doing just doing
31:39
the live. So I'm just talking head.
31:40
We're going to have guests on the next live.
31:43
So if you want a live topic, like I said, I'll plan it ahead
31:46
of time as well so you can send if you want to like suggest a
31:51
topic, send it the topics to info@mentalillness.net,
31:58
info@mentalillness.net and I'll plan it out.
32:01
I'll put and turn your look, turn your notifications on as
32:04
well. Michelle, what's going on?
32:05
Girl, I hope you're doing good. Turn your notifications on.
32:08
Make sure you don't miss anything the next live because I
32:11
was like, I'm having guests on. Y'all see I have people on
32:14
today. Be safe y'all.
32:16
Hit that subscribe button and we will chat later.
32:19
Y'all peace.