Latest / 🎙️ Rebuild & Fulfill Real conversations on burnout, rebuilding, and becoming stronger than before. / Why You Still Struggle Even When You're Trying | Episode 12
Transcript
- Kelsey Dunbar: Have you ever felt frustrated because you're trying, but you still keep struggling? You're listening to podcasts, you're you're reading the books, you're you're becoming more aware, you're trying to think differently, trying to be better, trying to move forward, and yet somehow you still end up overwhelmed, still falling back into old habits, still shutting down, still feeling stuck. And after a while you start asking yourself, what's wrong with me? That's what we're talking about today. Because trying matters, but trying alone is not always enough. Welcome back to Rebuild and Fulfill. I'm Kelsey Dunbar, co-founder of Suffer to Tougher. Marc Rogala: And I'm a Marc Rogala Kelsey Dunbar: And with this being the final weekend of Mental Health Awareness Month, we wanted to talk about something that feels really important. Because awareness matters, it absolutely matters, but awareness was never supposed to be the finish line. And I think sometimes during Mental Health Awareness Month, people become more aware, but then by June, the conversation disappears. And the reality is people are still struggling in June and July and October and January and every other month, right? Mental health is not supposed to be a once-a-year conversation. This month should be a starting point, a a reset point, a commitment point. I like that one the most. Not just awareness for 30 days, but a decision to build something healthier moving forward. A commitment to yourself. A commitment to checking on other people. A commitment to creating better rhythms, better support systems, and better conversations all year round. Because healing and growth doesn't happen because a calendar changed. They happen because daily choices change. So I'm gonna start with our first segment today, talking about how trying isn't the problem, okay? Right? Because there's nothing wrong with trying. I think the biggest thing that people need to hear is this. Just because you're still struggling doesn't mean you're not trying. And I think people become incredibly hard on themselves, especially people who care deeply, people who want change, people who are exhausted from starting over. A lot of people listening right now are trying. They're trying to hold themselves together. They're trying to manage stress. They're trying to heal. They're trying to stop old habits. They're trying to be there for everyone else. And sometimes the frustration comes from, man, I'm trying so hard. So why does this still feel so difficult? All right, so Marc, where do you see people make a mistake on struggling and thinking of it as failure? Marc Rogala: Well, think you gotta remind the audience that, you know, if somebody was in a mental health crisis and or some form of addiction crisis, their body is beat up. I mean, they're emotionally exhausted trying to hold things together. And, you know, in some instances the body can be physically built beat up as well. You know, so I mean it's it's a situation, you know, where You're gonna have good days and you're gonna have bad days. You know, you gotta put an honest foot forward every single day. it could look very different from one day to the next, especially early on. But as long as an effort is being made, and certainly more of an effort that was made when you were in crisis or dealing with some form of addiction, you have to celebrate the progress. I think the other thing too is the whole mind game thing, you know, dealing with shame, dealing with guilt. you know, focusing on what happened and how did I get here and things like that. It's we've talked about this before. I mean, you have to let the past die. It's almost like a new birth date and just focus on today moving forward. And then the other thing is too is, you know, progress is invisible. I mean you don't see the progress. And I think that's the biggest thing is like, you know, if you're working on certain things like mindset, resets, positive affirmations and so forth, Your brain is starting to rewire, but you absolutely can't see it. You know, if you're making some changes with your diet, you're not necessarily gonna see the ramifications, you know, physically or or mentally for a period of time. And then if you're getting active again, ⁓ you know, I mean, some sometimes it takes a little while for to see that as well. You know, as far as the endorphin effect. It's you know, it's about consistency, but it's hard to get that consistency when you're in early recovery. I just think you have to celebrate the wins. And, you know, again, I I I emphasize this, it's very difficult to see the changes up here. You know, people are gonna see those changes up there before you're gonna recognize it. Because if you're doing it and doing it right, you're gonna have tunnel vision and you're gonna focus on yourself. solely and you and you you you just focus on trying to get better every single day. But I think a lot of people in recovery, again, whatever that recovery looks like, mental health addiction, whatever it might be, rely on physical fitness, one, because of the endorphin effect, like we talked about a couple episodes ago. But two, you can see some physical changes. You know, I've shared this with the audience before. For me, What really gave me the most motivation is when I got my diet straight. And again, I got my diet straight because I was feeding my brain the right food for my dopamine and serotonin. And they started to exercise for the endorphin effect. And when you start eating the right food and you start exercising on a somewhat regular basis, because it was not every single day or in early recovery, and your body starts to morph. Now you can see the physical changes. Now it gives you extra motivation. Now it's the first time you actually like seeing the person in the mirror, and now you got something to build on. because you cannot see the changes mentally. And, you know, we live in a world where we want everything and we want it yesterday. And it takes time over ⁓ you know, it it it really does. We talk about it all the time about habits to lifestyle. 21 days for a habit, 90 to 100 days for a lifestyle. But it's being putting it on his foot forward every single day to create those habits and create those lifestyles. And it's hard to do when your body's beat up physically and mentally. Kelsey Dunbar: Yeah. I was just gonna get into that actually. So, you know, how we talk about, mental health and and one of the reasons why we try to encourage people to think of mental health as like an an always moving thing. It's ⁓ one day one day you're feeling great, another day you're struggling, and that's completely normal. Well, so is the concept of trying versus thriving. I mean, some days you're thriving because you're in a good rhythm, everything's going well, you're hitting all your workouts, and then all of a sudden on the weekend, you know, someone's having a a bachelor party or ⁓ maybe there's a get together on a weeknight after work ⁓ that you have to attend. And so you stay up a little later than you should, and then the next morning you're not thriving. You're trying. ⁓ So it might a little harder to wake up and be like, ⁓ man, I know I need to work out. I know I need and you might not have the greatest workout, but I'll tell you. Those are the character builders, man. Like when you get to that gym and you're just like, there's no way I'm gonna be able to do what I normally do, but I'm here and I'm gonna try. And and so trying, you know, reward yourself for trying. That's great. Okay, but you don't always have to be thriving. But the more that you move into a rhythm and get that consistency, like Marc talks about, then you go from trying to thriving and you'll be thriving a lot more often than not. So I just want to kind of put that out there too. So Marc Rogala: Yeah, you could just say one thing on that. In all honesty, those harder days just to get there or go on a walk or whatever it might be, that's the those are the days your recovery's made. And I think that's very, very, very important. I mean, you can have the shittiest day, you know, mentally. You're having a rough day. I you know, for whatever reason, maybe a bad day at work or what have you. But if you can just get something move the needle a little bit, that's where your recovery is made, as opposed to just, you know, going home after a bad day of work, watching television and you know, being becoming a prisoner of your mind. Kelsey Dunbar: Yeah. I mean not to sound like a broken record, but I mean it's what we talk about all the time. Progress over perfection. Yeah. So all right, so we're gonna go ahead and move into our next segment, which is why people fall back into old patterns. Okay, so one thing we've both seen over and over again is that awareness does not automatically erase patterns. Okay, so people think, Now I under now I understand it, ⁓ cool, I'll stop doing it. Patterns are deeper than information. Marc Rogala: Yep. Yep. Kelsey Dunbar: Patterns are emotional, behavioral, environmental, relational. And when stress gets high, people usually return to what feels familiar, you know, what they're comfortable with. So even if it's unhealthy, that's why people eat emotionally, ⁓ they isolate themselves, they avoid other people, they shut down, ⁓ they scroll endlessly and ⁓ for that dopamine hit, ⁓ they relapse into habits ⁓ that you know weren't were not productive. they stop their routines, they stop communicating. And ⁓ as we always say, not because they're weak, but because the old pattern still feels safer and more comfortable than the new one. So Marc, why do you think people fall back into old patterns even when they genuinely want to change? Marc Rogala: You have to understand that everything that we're talking about is rewiring the brain to think differently. And and that takes time. It really does. And it it it everybody's different. Everybody's recovery looks different. You know, some people the brain rewires faster than others. But your brain is always gonna go to what feels comfortable. You know, you your brain is always gonna go to what feels safe. And if that was your go-to, whether it was eating or or having a couple of drinks or what have you, your brain is automatically gonna go to that. So to me the biggest thing is what we've talked about before, which is structure. You know, having some type of ⁓ replacement structure where when you have those bad moments or or bad days, you have some type of structure in place where even if your brain is telling you to eat or to drink or or or do other things that could potentially drive more chaos in your life. You have that structure in place, then it comes down to to discipline to be able to actually work on that structure, you know, that particular day and actually do what what the plan was that you've been go that you've been going to on a consistent basis. Kelsey Dunbar: Yeah, and I like the fact that, you know, when you when you think of of structure and you put together a structure, you put together a plan. And when that structure starts to break down, I I know this is sound cliche, but that's when you fall back on your why. Why did I come up with this structure? Why did I think I needed a change? Why am I doing this? That why will help you get back to that structure because when that structure starts to break down. Marc Rogala: Yeah. Kelsey Dunbar: That that's the fallback. That's the fallback plan. Marc Rogala: Yeah, and the thing about it is it's you know, some people have structure in place, you know, for the evenings and they're working during the day, you know, so they have to have a replacement structure that might be for four to five hours post-work until they go to bed. The reason why I get so many freaking phone calls on the weekend, okay, is because they're not going to work for eight hours a day. There's no structure intact. And now their brain takes them on a journey and now they follow, they fall back into old patterns. You know, so I am I'm really big when I coach people on the outside about you know working with them and putting a weekend plan together that is gonna address a daily win on a day on Saturday and Sunday, mental, physical, and and spiritual, like we talked about before. Kelsey Dunbar: Yeah. So the next segment we're gonna get into here is the pressure to be better by now. Okay, so I think another reason people keep struggling is because they believe they should already be further along. I should be over this by now. I should be more disciplined, I should be stronger. And social media really makes this worse because everyone posts breakthroughs, right? Very few people post setbacks. Lonely moments, emotional crashes, the days they almost quit. So people start comparing their behind the scenes to everyone else's highlight reel. And shame grows in silence. So Marc, do you see unrealistic expectations hurting people the most? Marc Rogala: I think the biggest thing is the all or nothing mindset. You know, they think that they need to do everything at once to try to drive their recovery. And if you've been following this podcast, you know that that is not something that we recommend. We wanna talk about progress, making one change and then and then building upon that. I think that's gonna be a lot easier. ⁓ over the course of time to build that structure as opposed to just r l literally p pulling the tablecloth off the table and having everything and and then starting all over again. ⁓ the comparison game is is a big one too. And and and and I played that game in early recovery. You know, you go to like a AA meeting or something like that and you see somebody that's ten years sober and you're like, geez, you know, I want that and I want that now. And it's just not realistic. You know, that individual worked ten years to get to the point that where they're at. I got 30 days. You know, but in my mind I think I should be there quicker. So like when I'm working peep with people, coaching people, I make it a point. You know, I'm almost six years into recovery. But I like, and you know this, Kelsey, I like showing pictures of where I was, you know, during my addictions. where I was in early recovery, and then you know, and then kind of show people pictures, one year, two years, three years, four years, five years in. So they have some hope and they have some inspiration that if they continually put forth an effort every single day, they could have that. But it's not going to happen overnight. And again, we're human beings, we want everything and we want everything yesterday. And that's just not realistic. ⁓ perfectionism, we think that everybody We think that we should be perfect. We expect more from us than we do from our friends. We look at the person where we expect perfectionism. And that's that's not realistic as well. I mean, you're gonna have ups and you're gonna have downs in your recovery. It's not gonna be in a straight line. You know, now if you create that structure, it's gonna be, you know, the peaks and valleys are not gonna be as as great or as volatile. But you're gonna have good days, you're gonna have bad days. I don't necessarily think a setback needs to be a part of recovery, but in most cases, probably 90% plus of the cases, maybe even higher than that, it is. It certainly was of mine. and then, you know, the fact that people get burnt out. And they get burnt out because they're trying to do too much at once. You know, it's again, it's about just building and building and building over a period of time. And put yourself in the position where your recovery is thriving as you're building that momentum and adding little key pieces to it, you know, as opposed to again, just trying to change everything at once and it just becomes so daunting on you that your brain automatically goes back to those little patterns like you asked in the previous question. Kelsey Dunbar: Yeah, for sure. And another thing that I I like to point out is, you know, as coaches, one thing we firmly believe in is meeting somebody where they're at. And you have to do that with yourself. You have to say, ⁓ you know, I'm I'm where I am now. I know where I'm trying to go. And the tomorrow me needs to be a little bit better than than the today me. And if you have that mindset going in Marc Rogala: Well. Kelsey Dunbar: that kind of stops you from doing the the comparison game and allows you to show yourself some grace and say, you know, if I ⁓ use a calendar and I say, you know, today, somebody who comes to me with a eating addiction or something like that. And, literally you could take a calendar ⁓ and you could like ⁓ smiley face for w I ate well today, you know, like a straight line face for ⁓ it was okay. then a sad face for Wow, I this was probably not my best day. So tomorrow I'm gonna try and put a sl a smiley face on the calendar. Whatever it is that you gotta do to just be trying to have more smiley face days, right, than the sad face days. And, you know, that's that's progress. And that's all you have to worry about. Don't worry about anything else. So just wanna put that in there too. Marc Rogala: No, I've seen that too. Like people that say they're not an alcoholic but they wanna minim they wanna ⁓ minimize their alcohol consumption or eventually phase out over a period of time. And then there's a couple of cases that I'm thinking of right now, I really don't think they are alcoholics. They're just trying to be healthy. And what they'll do is they'll put X's on the calendars for the days that they don't drink. And you know, when I and when I and when I talk to them, you know, I I I ask ⁓ straight up, okay, you know How many X's did you get on your calendar in April? How many X's do you have on your calendar in May? And they're honest with me. And if there's not enough X's on there, then we have a very honest and transparent conversation about what's going on. So yeah, tracking that progress is important too. Kelsey Dunbar: So what I'm hearing is you're too cool for smiley faces. Okay, got it. Marc Rogala: Well, that's what that's the system that they came up with. That was something that they imp I didn't even suggest that. They said, Hey, I'm putting X's on my calendar. Okay, well now that I know that I'm gonna use that when I coach you. Kelsey Dunbar: Yeah, no, absolutely. All right. Okay, so our next segment, we're gonna talk about why motivation fails people. All right, and not that motivation's a bad thing, but just hang with me here. So this is why motivation is not enough. Motivation is emotional and emotions change, right? So some days you feel strong, some days you feel overwhelmed, some days you feel hopeful, some days you feel numb. If your entire life depends on motivation, You're gonna keep starting and stopping. Okay, it's the whole New Year's resolution thing again. So that's why we believe so strongly in rhythm. Rhythm, it's basically our way of saying structure. So it it's in repeatable actions because structure carrying you when emotions fluctuate, right? So not perfection, not intensity, consistency. ⁓ Marc, what do you think people misunderstand most about motivation and change? Marc Rogala: I think you kinda hit on it. I mean, eventually motivation's gonna fade. You know, I mean, people come into something whatever it is. I mean, you wanna lose a few pounds. Well, well, let's talk about New Year's and New Year's resolutions. What's what's Quitter's Day you said? Fourteenth or fifteenth of January, two weeks in? I think that's a perfect example right there. You know, they come in, I mean, you go to the gym, well, maybe not New Year's Day, but January 2nd, you gotta wait for the machines. You know, I think I made a joke with my check-ins with the with with with everybody that I work with, because everybody checks in in the morning. Hey, I don't have to wait for a machine today. It was right around the middle of January. You know, so it it's eventually gonna fade, you know, and I think that's where discipline comes in. I tell people all the time, I mean, when it's friggin' a polar vortex out there and it's negative thirty-five, negative forty windshow, you think I got motivation to go to the friggin' gym at 4 30 in the morning? I mean, I hear the alarm clock go off. I'm under my warm covers. You think I want to go? No. But I do. Because I know it become it's become a non-negotiable, it's become a lifestyle, and I understand the reason why I do it. And it's not to build muscles and not to be a physical specimen. It literally is mental. It makes that much of a difference to me. I feel completely different when I leave the leave the gym because of the endorphin effect. You know, and there's certain things that need to become n non-negotiable in your in your structure that you create on a on a daily basis, what that is is between you and the person in the mirror. But when I say non-negotiable, that's shit that's got to get done every single day. Because if you don't, then you're gonna get complacent. If you get complacent, you're gonna potentially put put yourself at high risk for a setback. And now we're starting over. But we're not starting over from scratch. We're starting over with knowledge and education. And I think that's important for the audience to understand too. So I don't necessarily view a setback as a hundred percent negative. I view it as a learning experience to make you that much stronger moving forward. Kelsey Dunbar: Yeah. It it kind of reminds me of for people some of you have already heard this ⁓ story before because we've talked about it before, it kind of reminds me of Christmas time. So when he was Marc was talking about, it's really cold and using motivation to say, you know, like, I I should go to the gym because I'm supposed to be doing this or as opposed to I am going to the gym because this is what I do. And so at Christmas time ⁓ Marc Rogala: Yeah. Kelsey Dunbar: ⁓ as a surprise for Marc, I had the ⁓ article for the Marc chuckling 'cause he knows the story. So I had the article for from the LA Tribune we had done for us ⁓ honoring ⁓ book being acknowledged as a critically acclaimed bestseller. ⁓ that article I had blown up into poster size and framed ⁓ that was what I was giving Marc as a Christmas present. ⁓ I didn't really know when I was going to see him ⁓ next. And we lived forty five minutes apart from each other, but I knew one time that I could catch him would be during his morning workout time. I I didn't text him, I didn't call him, I knew what gym he went to, and I showed up there at four thirty in the morning to hand this to him. And some people would say, Well, that's crazy. What if he was late that day or maybe he left earlier? Marc is a creature of habit. He lives that rhythm. I knew he'd be there. And he was there and We had a moment and it was awesome. He really appreciated it. But there was not a doubt in my mind that I was going there and that he was going to be there. And absolutely he was. And that's that's what rhythm does for you. That's where you say, as Marc says, non-negotiable. You just have to think that way. Like this is just part of my life. This is what I do. And the more that you can do that, I'm not saying you do that all the time. I mean, like some Sundays, Marc will sleep in a little bit or a Saturday or something like that. He'll still get to the gym in the morning, but that might be an hour later. But during the week, he absolutely is there at four thirty every day. And there there is that's just that's Marc. That's what he does. That's who he is. He might change that a little bit here and there. He shows himself some grace for a little extra sleep on the weekend, but you know, that's that's his lifestyle. So ⁓ so go ahead. Marc Rogala: Yeah. Okay. No, I just wanna say something else about that too. So that's a perfect example about mo about the, you know, motivation versus discipline because, you know, there was a lot going on that week. And I wanna say that was I don't think it was Christmas Eve. I think it was December twenty third, if my memory serves me correctly, but it might have been Christmas Eve. But you know, I mean I'm working, you know, you're trying to get ready for the holidays. Doing s you I'm a last minute Christmas shopper, so going out shopping late at night. Alarm clock hits at like, you know, four o'clock in the morning. Like, ⁓ huh. You get you know, you you your ⁓ your brain is coming up with every reason. ⁓ it's Christmas time, you know, you know, we you know I you got so much to do, plus you gotta go to work today. It'd be nice to friggin' just you know, turn off the alarm and maybe sleep for an extra hour. And I'm like, you know what? Screw that, man. You know, I g I gotta get there and I gotta get the work in. Because you know, again, the emotion the the holidays are very emotional for me. My kids are not a part of my life. You know, I there's a wave of emotions on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I knew how important that workout was for my mental state and got there. And then Kelsey showed up. Then I'm thinking to myself, ⁓ my god, I'm glad I didn't hit that friggin' alarm clock. Kelsey Dunbar: Yeah, I don't know. Where are you? Marc Rogala: Yeah, that wouldn't have been good. Kelsey Dunbar: man i had i had faith i had faith so all right so going into our next segment what actually creates lasting change all right and i know as we keep going through these segments some of this is gonna be overlap because ⁓ you know a lot of these things just do ⁓ but we want to ask what actually helps people move forward long term? Not giant transformations overnight, not shame, not pretending to be positive all the time. Usually it's in the smaller things repeated consistently. better boundaries, a morning rhythm, movement, support, accountability, learning how to reset instead of quit or start over, and maybe most importantly, learning how to stop seeing hard days as proof that you're failing. Because healing isn't never struggling again or never falling off or never feeling overwhelmed, sometimes healing looks like recognizing the pattern faster, asking for help sooner, recovering quicker, staying down for two hours instead of two months. I tell people all the time, I've got like a two-day rule and I usually try and make it in under a day. If I'm in a a a bad place, I I try to snap out of it, give myself a little boohoo time, and move past it. The faster that you could do that, the more progress you can feel like you're making. So, you know, staying down for hours or a day or two instead of weeks or months, or because you have a bad eating day, you're like, well, just I guess this is just gonna be a bad week and saying heck with it ⁓ eating whatever you want for the rest of the week because you're like, Well, I had a bad week anyway. Uh-uh. Get back on. Get back on. ⁓ So those matter. That's growth. So, Marc, what are some of the biggest signs that someone actually is growing even if they don't feel like they are. Marc Rogala: ⁓ that's a good question. I mean you mentioned honesty, open, honest and transparent. You know, open, honest and transparent with the individual that's in your life that's coaching you, like a recovery coach or what have you, or if you're working with somebody like us, that's all I ask from people. You know, let me know what's going on. They're showing accountability by being proactive and, you know, texting their check-ins at the gym or, you know, their meals or what have you. ⁓ I mean, full transparency. Kelsey and I are recording this at six o'clock in the morning. I came back from the gym. already talked to seven different people that I already checked into the gym and they've already shared their breakfast and so forth. So ⁓ I mean, you they think that's good. But they're but they're being proactive. They're sharing that with me. I'm not asking for that. You know, I I you know, ⁓ I think that ⁓ Awareness sooner is definitely a sign of growth. Knowing your patterns, you know, knowing that ⁓ you're you're you're coming to maybe a ⁓ a potential challenging time of the year. I referenced the holiday season earlier. You know, maybe you got a death anniversary coming up of a relative that was near and dear to your heart. You know that that could be potentially triggering to you, so now you're ramping up things, being again proactive versus ⁓ reactive. I think that's a sign of growth. ⁓ not being as complacent, like you talked about, you know, if you do have a day, you know, you get back on the next day, you know, with your with your structure and so forth. ⁓ if you're really truly struggling, not living in that shame and guilt spiral, but being able to ask for help sooner, hey, I'm having a bad day, or I'm having a bad week. You know, let's have a chat or can we go back and forth on some text? And I, you know, basically just Ask you a couple questions as far as what you would do in this particular situation. ⁓ if there is a setback, it's maybe for a day, maybe a couple days. It's not gonna be you're going on a setback that might last 30 or 45 days, which sometimes that does happen, okay. and you're learning from those setbacks, and it's be it's become making you a stronger person, you know, mentally. And then the big thing is, and I guess I kind of alluded this earlier too, is you know, just the consistency. Hey, you're actually getting up, you're actually doing the work, you're taking the accountability and checking in. You know, you're you're sharing it with the mentor or a coach that you have in your life because you're taking this very personally, because you want to become the best version of yourself and you wanna be healthy mentally and physically. Kelsey Dunbar: No. Yeah. And and one thing that you mentioned that I just want to kind of expound on a little bit is the asking for help part. And and the reason why I wanna take an extra moment for that is because that's actually doing a couple of things at once. I mean, we just did an episode about awareness, okay, ⁓ podcast episode. And to be asking for help means that you also had that sense of awareness ⁓ say, ⁓ not where I should be or I'm I'm not okay or you know whatever that that aha moment is that makes you believe that you should ask for help and there should be absolutely no shame in asking for help. ⁓ Marc and I coach each other daily. Yeah. So I mean there you know, but asking for help that is a huge sign for a lot of people that you're making those growth strides just to be like, I I'm not where I should be and Marc Rogala: ⁓ yeah. Kelsey Dunbar: Not okay with that, but I'm okay with admitting and being honest about the fact that I might need a little help to get me back on track. And I think that's a great thing. It's a beautiful thing. Marc Rogala: Yeah, to me that's a huge sign of growth because again, I think a lot of people don't ask for help because they feel it's a sign of weakness. Maybe it's just in a household that they grew up, or maybe it's a society thing or what have you. But being able to ask for help in various stages of recovery, as opposed to keeping all this inside and having it fester inside and lead you to a potential crisis or a full-blown relapse or setback or what have you. I I think that's a huge kind of growth and the honesty part too. You know, hey Marc, I'm struggling today. Or hey Marc, I missed the gym today. You know, if I missed the gym the last couple of days, I'm I'm lacking, you know, some motivation here. ⁓ just that's all I ask from people is I want to hear whatever it is, the good and the bad, and we'll figure it out. I don't want BS, I don't want half truths. Just get it all out there and we'll figure it out. And it's liberating too. It's liberating for the individual. Kelsey Dunbar: Yeah, just Yeah, ⁓ I just like the way it's I want the good and the bad. And he didn't say the good, the bad and the ugly. And I subconsciously, you might not have said that because you could be like, if we go over the good and the bad before it becomes ugly, you might not even have to go there. All right. So our last segment ⁓ today ⁓ we're gonna talk about is what we hope people take beyond mental health awareness month. Marc Rogala: Exactly. That's true. Kelsey Dunbar: Okay, so I I did want to definitely spend a little bit of time with this being the last weekend talking about this. So as mental health awareness month wraps up, I think what we hope people understand is this awareness is important, but awareness should lead somewhere. It should lead to better conversations, healthier routines, more honesty, more support, more compassion, more accountability, more willingness to ask for help, more willingness to be there for others, not just for one month. but year round. So because people don't stop struggling when May ends, right? Talked about that. And people shouldn't feel alone the other 11 months of the year either. So ⁓ my question to Marc here, Marc, what do you hope people continue carrying with them after mental health awareness month ends? Marc Rogala: Mentioned compassion, and I think people are thinking compassion towards others that might have daily struggles. How about compassion to yourself? And and and and doing a check-in on a regular basis from where are you at right now with your mental health? Because to me, when I when we talk about mental health awareness, it is not only about what's going on out there, but what's going on with you, your partner or spouse. Kelsey Dunbar: Heck yeah. Marc Rogala: inside your household, what could we do to get it thriving? ⁓ I I I just think that's that's something that we've talked about and that's something I want to drive home. It's not about awareness for the third party or for other individuals that are going through some challenging times. It's also a great opportunity for you to look at where you're at, do some honest soul searching and if we have to make adjustments, make adjustments because I promise you this You don't want to go down the path that I went down, and you don't want to go down the path that a lot of individuals that I work with go down. And by looking at this on a regular basis, that will prevent that. Ongoing conversations, I think, is huge, Kelsey. ⁓ checking on people if you know somebody that struggles with some type of addictive tendency, or they struggle with depression, whether it's situational or bipolar, or you know. They're they got some PTSD or they're really anxious or what have you, check in with them, you know, show some compassion there. ⁓ you know, get active in the community, build a community of like-minded individuals that show compassion and empathy for others, you know. Absolutely. S2T Nation, right? Kelsey Dunbar: Or join one. Marc Rogala: And I think the final two things that I would drive home is mental health awareness month. Yeah, it's one month. It's a great that it's been in the media. It's a great that it's been on the radio. Kelsey and I've done a couple of radio interviews about this stuff. But this this is not going away. I mean, this is a snowball rolling downhill that's becoming bigger and bigger in society for a variety of reasons. And it cannot be a one-one thing. It needs to be a three hundred and sixty-five day thing. And when I say a three hundred and sixty-five day thing, it's not only showing compassion for others, being there for others, ⁓ but also doing soul searching, make your commitment and look at yourself and look at your household and see if adjustments need to be made. That's that's what I would that that's what I would leave the audience with. Kelsey Dunbar: Awesome. Yeah, I I just think of Mental Health Awareness Month as a launching ground. It's almost kind of like New Year's resolution, but mentally. You know, where people are like, I'm to exercise, I'm trying to eat right, I'm trying to do the things, ⁓ you know, at New Year's. This is whole nother checkpoint. So it's the month that we take stock on ourselves, on others. ⁓ And try and put our best foot forward, try to put together the game plan that we're going to live with for the whole rest of the year. So if you're listening to this and you're thinking, I am trying, but I still feel stuck sometimes. You're not alone. And struggling does not erase your progress. But at some point, trying has to become structure. Awareness has to become action. And healing has to become something you practice consistently, not something you only think about once a year. And if you're tired of trying to figure this out alone, reach out to us at Suffer to Tougher. suffer to tougher at gmail. Real easy email to remember. Reach out to us. Let us know how you're doing. Let us know how we can help you. You can find us on on Facebook, on Instagram, Marc's on TikTok with Suffer to Tougher. There are so many ways to reach out to us. Reach out, we're here to help. This is exactly the kind of work we help people walk through, not with shame, not with fake positivity, but with structure, support, accountability. and a real true path forward. So as mental health awareness month comes to a close, don't let the conversations end with the calendar. Take the awareness, take the honesty, take the commitment and carry it into the rest of the year. Because people still need support in June too and all the other months. Marc Rogala: And I guess the one thing I would leave the audience with Kells is if this episode helped you, please share. We're trying to get the word out. And if you haven't done so already, please ⁓ like the video and please subscribe to our YouTube channel, I'll rebuild and fulfill. Kelsey Dunbar: And as always, you're not broken, you may just be overloaded, but you don't have to stay stuck. Take care everyone.