Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / Would you tell the other woman? 🥺❌🤦🏽‍♀️😶‍🌫️

Transcript

Would you tell the other woman? 🥺❌🤦🏽‍♀️😶‍🌫️ · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Apogie production. I need your advice. Are you okay? What happened?
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: Promise it won't be too much. Bring it in.
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  Speaker 2: Welcome to our Bestie segment.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: This is the place for you. Hello everybody, Welcome back
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: to our bestie segment.
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: Welcome back. Oh my goodness, we are loving this advice segment.
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: If you have anything that you want to share with us,
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: and you're needing a little bit of help or support,
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: or maybe even there's something you don't want to yet
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: tell your friend group or you don't have family around,
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: you can drop it into our anonymous abmission box.
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: So today's is all about would you tell the other woman?
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  Speaker 2: Oh?
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  Speaker 1: Take it away? Yeah? No? What if we got so?
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  Speaker 2: I need advice. I was single, he was in a
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  Speaker 2: relationship with kids. We slept together once. I've regretted it
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  Speaker 2: since the moment it had happened, knowing how wrong it was.
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  Speaker 2: I've never told a soul, and I assume that he
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  Speaker 2: has an either, but it makes me feel sick knowing
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  Speaker 2: how wrong it was when I see them around. He
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  Speaker 2: has more kids. It's been a long time now, ten
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  Speaker 2: plus years. Do I tell the wife or do I
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  Speaker 2: let it go? Now that it's been this long. Oh gosh,
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  Speaker 2: Oh that's tough.
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  Speaker 1: Holy shit, I don't know. I don't know either. Oh.
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  Speaker 1: Half of me is like, why now, what's this going
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  Speaker 1: to achieve? Everyone's moved on, And then the other half
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  Speaker 1: was like, no, I would need to know. I would
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  Speaker 1: want to know if my husband cheated on me while
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  Speaker 1: we had children and then went on to have more children, Like,
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  Speaker 1: I just feel like I deserve to know.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, this is a tough one as well, because I
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  Speaker 2: just be curious to know what has triggered this ten
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  Speaker 2: years later, you know, like, has this been something like
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  Speaker 2: you said, like you've been regretting it ever since. But
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  Speaker 2: I just am curious on why now the urge to
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  Speaker 2: tell her is coming forward.
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  Speaker 1: Is it just your own guilt or are you genuinely
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  Speaker 1: feeling like the other woman to know? Yeah? Is it
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  Speaker 1: beneficial for this to come out right now? I feel
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  Speaker 1: like I would want to know. I would want to
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  Speaker 1: be given my own option of deciding if I stay
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  Speaker 1: with him.
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  Speaker 2: Or not totally the transparency, like that is.
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  Speaker 1: My decision to make, but it's not someone else's decision
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  Speaker 1: to control my life like that, for sure, If I
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  Speaker 1: would want to know, if I would hope someone would
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  Speaker 1: tell me, And I think I would tell the other woman,
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  Speaker 1: but I wouldn't have left it this long.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah. See, I'm so conflicted with this, Like you know, actually,
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  Speaker 2: like I'm so big on transparency. I think it's a
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  Speaker 2: really important thing. And also owning your mistakes, I think
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  Speaker 2: is a really it's obviously really uncomfortable, but it's also
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  Speaker 2: a very freeing thing and also for you to start
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  Speaker 2: the journey of healing from this experience. Sometimes I feel
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  Speaker 2: like it's important to really own your mistakes and be
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  Speaker 2: willing to wear them and take the accountability for it. However,
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  Speaker 2: it's been so long now, I just wonder if it's
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  Speaker 2: worth you ridding yourself of the guilt to break up
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  Speaker 2: a family now ten years later, do you know what
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  Speaker 2: I mean? But I also think that she deserves to know.
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  Speaker 2: But I just wonder if now, oh, this is your
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  Speaker 2: work to do that you just have to be willing
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  Speaker 2: to forgive yourself for it, overcome it, take accountability for it,
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  Speaker 2: and be willing to let it go. But it's going
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  Speaker 2: to take some work and a lot of self forgiveness
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  Speaker 2: for the person that you were when you did it
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  Speaker 2: and the decision that you made, and yeah, choosing to
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  Speaker 2: live with that, because that's your work to do now,
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  Speaker 2: is you've got to live and hold the decision that
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  Speaker 2: you made in that time and that you made a
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  Speaker 2: mistake and you fucked up.
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  Speaker 1: I think that's going to happen regardless though. Yeah, she
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  Speaker 1: has to live with this, she has to do that
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  Speaker 1: work on forgiving herself for sure. Yeah. But this is
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  Speaker 1: the other one we're talking about. It's the family, it's him.
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  Speaker 1: I don't know why. I kind of feel like I'd
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  Speaker 1: almost want to reach out to him first and just
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  Speaker 1: be like, this is killing me. I'm guessing it's killing you.
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  Speaker 1: Is this something that we want it bring up and
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  Speaker 1: own up? But I'm guessing he's going to shut it down.
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  Speaker 2: He if they know I reckon after ten years Like, oh,
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  Speaker 2: I don't know. The timing is tough because it's ten
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  Speaker 2: years later.
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  Speaker 1: If you were in the other woman's position, Yeah, and
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: you found out it was ten years ago, someone came
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  Speaker 1: to you and said, just put yourself in that shoes.
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  Speaker 1: You've got kids, you're happily married, And everyone came to
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  Speaker 1: you and said, I've slept with your husband ten years ago.
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  Speaker 1: Here's the details, here's the proof. And it was one
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  Speaker 1: hundred percent true. What would you do? Would you be
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  Speaker 1: leaving your husband or would you be like, fuck it
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  Speaker 1: so long ago?
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  Speaker 2: I want to talk about it, but like they would
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  Speaker 2: definitely create cracks in the relationship for sure. Yeah, And
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  Speaker 2: I don't know. Obviously I've never been in that situation.
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  Speaker 2: But the first thing that pops to my mind is
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  Speaker 2: because it was so long ago, I probably would be
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  Speaker 2: more inclined.
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  Speaker 1: To get over it. Same, I think so too. But
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  Speaker 1: then also it always been a bout in the back
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  Speaker 1: of your mind.
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  Speaker 2: But then also in the same breath, I'm like, how
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  Speaker 2: could that person hold that in life from me for
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  Speaker 2: ten years? Yes, I feel you too, that's the betray
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  Speaker 2: I've got a betrayal wound, right and I think that
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  Speaker 2: would fucking eat away at me.
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  Speaker 1: So I don't know.
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  Speaker 2: It's like, it depends on how willing I would be
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  Speaker 2: to overcome it, how much I loved the person. It
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  Speaker 2: would take a lot of consideration, I think it would,
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  Speaker 2: I don't know, and a.
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  Speaker 1: Lot of work together with a marriage counselor elounsla her,
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  Speaker 1: lacke crop or something.
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  Speaker 2: I don't think it'd be something you'd be able to
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  Speaker 2: get through on your own, especially if that person, that
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  Speaker 2: woman really values transparency and honesty and she's which likely
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  Speaker 2: is very true.
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  Speaker 1: Or and I feel like it would depend on where
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  Speaker 1: you were at in your relationship, Like imagine if she
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  Speaker 1: wound it back in that time. Because I don't ever
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  Speaker 1: condone cheating, I'm not here to say it is right.
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  Speaker 1: It is never the right thing to do. I think
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  Speaker 1: we can always say no to it, and it's something
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  Speaker 1: I will never partake in. But I can also see
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  Speaker 1: how relationships break down. I can see why it happens
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  Speaker 1: sometimes when emotional needs are not getting met, physical needs
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  Speaker 1: not getting met, you're so disconnected, I can see how
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  Speaker 1: it happens. So I don't judge the cheater either. So
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  Speaker 1: if she was to wind back, and this is not
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  Speaker 1: helping this girl that's written in, but the woman that's involved,
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  Speaker 1: if she was to wind back, maybe it was a
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  Speaker 1: time in their relationship where they were really disconnected and
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  Speaker 1: both going through really hard time. Were they on a
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  Speaker 1: break like there could be so much more context for
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  Speaker 1: it as well, that could help this family stay together. Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: we don't know any of that, and this is you
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  Speaker 1: writing in, So I honestly I wish I had a
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  Speaker 1: definite answer of I would do this, but I'm really
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  Speaker 1: conflicted on this. I'm conflicted on this too.
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  Speaker 2: I think the decision that you've made to not already
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  Speaker 2: tell her ten years later almost is an answer. I
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  Speaker 2: feel like no decision is a decision, and maybe this
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  Speaker 2: is something that you haven't been ready to own, or
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  Speaker 2: you're not ready to have that conversation, or for whatever reason,
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  Speaker 2: you felt like you wanted to protect their relationship.
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  Speaker 1: I'm not sure, but.
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  Speaker 2: I think maybe the fact that you've waited so long
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  Speaker 2: is your answer. And I'm only going off the fact
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  Speaker 2: that you've waited ten years because I think if it
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  Speaker 2: was me in the situation, I would tell the person
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  Speaker 2: straight away.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, but what if you didn't.
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  Speaker 2: What if it was ten years later and you were
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  Speaker 2: holding onto this. If I didn't, I wouldn't tell you, wouldn't.
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  Speaker 2: I don't think I would not after ten years. I
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  Speaker 2: either tell them straight away or I just think after
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  Speaker 2: ten years I would feel so guilty to break up
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  Speaker 2: a family of a decision I made ten years ago. Yeah,
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  Speaker 2: but then is that the right thing to do? I
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  Speaker 2: don't know.
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  Speaker 1: It's also he's doing as well, that's breaking up the fact,
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  Speaker 1: not just this woman. Yeah, I'm really really struggling with
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  Speaker 1: this one too. I hear you and saying you don't
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  Speaker 1: think you would, but I just know, being on the
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  Speaker 1: receiving end of that, I wouldn't want someone to take
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  Speaker 1: away my choice. And I feel like by not being told,
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  Speaker 1: you're taking away that woman's choice to decide if she's
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  Speaker 1: going to be with her unfaithful husband. You're right, Oh,
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  Speaker 1: that's her decision to make. That's not up to us.
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  Speaker 2: I don't think it's taking away somebody's choice. Yea be
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  Speaker 2: able to decide whether, And like.
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  Speaker 1: Also, like what if so many other people do know
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  Speaker 1: about this, and like that poor woman is like the
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  Speaker 1: law and I only I will share this. My mum
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: won't mind me sharing it. She I think she's shared
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: on an episode actually that I did with her ages ago,
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  Speaker 1: is when she found out that my stepdad was cheating
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  Speaker 1: on her. It was like the whole relationship. And she's like, now,
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  Speaker 1: in reflection, I'm like, I wish someone even just left
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: an anonymous letter on the front of my car. I
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: wish someone emailed me. Everyone's laughing at me. I felt
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: so embarrassed that everyone else knew when I didn't, and
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  Speaker 1: I carried that my whole relationship, and she can pinpoint
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  Speaker 1: all the times now where she thinks it happened, and
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: she's like, oh my god, that person would have known. Wow,
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  Speaker 1: that person warned me or like ask me questions about it,
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  Speaker 1: and I just shut them down.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: I went to him and then he gasped me and
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  Speaker 1: made me feel like a psycho for bringing it up.
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  Speaker 1: So just ya hearing hearing my mum say that, I
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  Speaker 1: wish someone was brave enough to tell me. So I
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  Speaker 1: had the choice to stay or the choice to leave,
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  Speaker 1: but I was just gasolt and made to feel so
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  Speaker 1: silly for ever thinking he could do that to me
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  Speaker 1: and need my whole relationship. Yeah, what if he's still
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  Speaker 1: doing it, It could still be doing it. Yeah, that's true.
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  Speaker 2: Listening to you say that, what comes to me is like,
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  Speaker 2: transparency is always the best honesty and accountability for your actions.
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  Speaker 2: And at the end of the day, I don't think
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  Speaker 2: it's your responsibility to protect their relationship when he didn't
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  Speaker 2: do that.
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  Speaker 1: I think so too. Yeah, I think the right.
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  Speaker 2: Thing is to like, it's not just about clearing your
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: conscious it's about choosing who you want to be and
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  Speaker 2: who you are choosing to be. Today and not who
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  Speaker 2: you were ten years ago. And there are definitely things
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: in my life that I've done, what I've fucked up,
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: and I've made shit decisions, and taking accountability for those things,
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: no matter how painful, were always the thing that helped
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  Speaker 2: me heal through it the most and actually came a
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  Speaker 2: better person on the other side of it.
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  Speaker 1: So I'm just feeling so sick for this woman that
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: has children and a man that she loves that she
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  Speaker 1: thinks is honest, and her whole world's about people they
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: dropside down. Oh man, Yeah, this is such a heavy one.
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  Speaker 1: Thank you so much for that.
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  Speaker 2: Thank you for And the bravery is the courage. Yeah, yeah,
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: this it's not easy to talk about, Like this is
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: what this advice segment's for. And I don't know if
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  Speaker 2: I've helped, but I think it's a really important conversation
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  Speaker 2: to talk about.
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  Speaker 1: And too. Also if anyone has ever considered cheating, or
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: maybe you're in a situation right now you're attempted to cheat.
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  Speaker 1: Just no, this isn't just about you. Yeah, it could
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  Speaker 1: be destroying and flipping so many people's worlds upside down,
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  Speaker 1: the those little kids involved. Like it's just I always
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  Speaker 1: think like cheating for a couple of minutes of pleasure, Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: but actually worth it? Yeah, that does not seem worth
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  Speaker 1: it to me. Yeah, no matter how good the sex is,
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  Speaker 1: like to blow up people's worlds, including your own, for pleasure.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that's the whole like acting on emotion thing.
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  Speaker 2: It's like, can we just look at maybe where you're
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: at and what you're doing and what you're experiencing right
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: now and go, Okay, what's not working? Why am I
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: not getting the things that I need? And how can
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  Speaker 2: I find that in a productive way as opposed to
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  Speaker 2: something that will create so much chaos in my life
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  Speaker 2: that I'm not going to be able to recover from.
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  Speaker 1: This is such a tough one. Feel for your babe.
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  Speaker 1: We would love an update. Yeah, that would be awesome.
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  Speaker 1: Whether you're deciding not to continue, we'd love to hear
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: from you why you're not yep. And if you do
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: decide to tell the woman, we'd love to hear how
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: that went and how you went about it too.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: Are you going to go straight to her, You're going
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: to go straight to him? Are you going to contact
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: them both?
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: Or if you need help deciding on how to communicate
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: that with her. You can also put that in as
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: anonymous sufficient and we can probably help you with that too.
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: Definitely. Oh man, it's a big one. Yeah, please give
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: us an update. Yeah, we're sending your lots love. We
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: know this is easy and we don't judge you. Yeah, happen,
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  Speaker 1: People make mistakes. Yeah, humans are messy. You're younger. It's
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: a hard situation to be in, and you can even
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: hear in us. We're not sure what would do. I
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: think I would tell her though. Yeah, so we really
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: feel for the position that you're in. And oh, good luck, Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: good luck, and thanks dropping that in. We have soon.
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: Hie By