Latest / Around the Kinky Kampfire Podcast / EP 49 | Taboo talks with a new friend! | Melanie Carolyn from Mom's Unboxed podcast

Transcript

EP 49 | Taboo talks with a new friend! | Melanie Carolyn from Mom's Unboxed podcast · Around the Kinky Kampfire Podcast

• 0:56
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Around the Kinky Campfire.
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: Grab a seat, pour a drink and let's turn up the heat.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: This is the podcast where we explore the wild, wonderful and sometimes wicked world of kink, bdsm and alternative lifestyles.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: Whether you're a seasoned player, a curious newbie or just here for the stories, we've got something for you.
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: Join us on Thursdays on your favorite podcast platform as we share experiences, dive into deep discussions and maybe even spark a little fire of your own.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: No shame, no judgment, just real talk around the Kinky Campfire.
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: Let's get lit, go ahead and start here.
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: Welcome back everybody to the bonfire with bones that are burning the campfire that's crackling.
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: This is Around the Kinky Campfire an official episode, not a pillow fort session, just so y'all know.
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: I do have a guest with me today and I need to introduce myself.
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: This is the Cuddle Gigolo, fresno, bob, colonel McBee or, for this episode, mr Squeaky Bum Time if you're feeling jovial, or officially, hh, julius or just Julius.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: And today I have with me a very special guest, somebody's podcast that I've been listening to for the last few months now.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: We met at a podcast convention.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: Y'all heard me talk about podfest 2025 and I connected with somebody there.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: We had a good conversation in person.
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: It's like hey, let's do this on a podcast, and we recorded her podcast first and now we're recording around the kinky campfire here.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: Can you introduce yourself, my new friend?
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: Yes, I can.
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: My name is Melanie Caroline and I am the host and producer of Moms Unboxed.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: Very, very good podcast I've been listening to, so now I get to answer or ask all my questions here and instead of yelling on my phone, I can ask it in person.
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: I feel so very excited and I thank you very much for coming here and I kind of prepped you ahead of time.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: But do you have something to drink there for a little?
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: Asmr?
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: One minute slash 30 seconds.
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: Yes, I do.
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: Do you want to give your non-sponsored drink a shout out?
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: Oh, you know what.
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: It's a red blend wine, and I cannot even pronounce the name.
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: So thank you for all the winemakers out there.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: Yes, not sponsored.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: But I don't know about you.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: But I typically say that I will whore myself out for a sponsorship, especially alcohol drink.
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: I'll do coffee drink, I have no problem.
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: All the different drinks I will be doing that.
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: Oh, my food people, blue chew, all that kind of stuff I will whore myself out for a sponsorship.
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: And right now my unsponsored drink is urban artifact teak tropical american fruit tart.
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: I'm a big tart, sweet drink type person and I love me a good sour.
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: So if there are any sour beer companies or breweries out there that need a sponsorship from a kinky, queer, uh, non-monogamous person, I'm here for you.
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: Uh, so let's go ahead and taste this here.
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: Okay, melanie, are you ready to start the asmr 5 10 seconds?
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: oh yes, I am okay all right, people are campsters.
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: We're gonna start here in three two one, two one.
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: That was good.
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: Oh man, so cold.
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: Oh, it's so free and hearty Teak Urban Artifact is delicious and just goes down so smooth.
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: I don't know about y'all, but gulp in wine is hard to do.
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: It's a sip beverage.
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, sip it a little bit.
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: Also, I'm a big fan of the ASMR, like people drinking and eating and stuff like that, or like a little bunny or a turtle or something, or a little kitty eating some sea bass or something like that.
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: So that's how that whole thing started.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: Okay, now, if we're done playing around, it's time to get serious.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: Melanie, can you give the campsters a very like quick overview?
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: Um, before I just start pelting you with a bunch of questions, yes, yes, I can, okay.
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: So I'm a bisexual woman who has known she was bisexual since a child and a lot of my sexuality was hidden throughout my life.
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: And then I discovered that I enjoyed swinging and so I dabbled in that a bit throughout my 11 year marriage.
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: That a bit throughout my 11 year marriage.
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: That has now ended.
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: The marriage has ended and within that marriage, I had a polyamorous relationship.
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: Unfortunately, I was an unhealthy person and attracted a very toxic man, missing a lot of time in my marriage, which ended up in divorce, not because I'm polyamory, just putting putting that out there, but because of the way I dealt with that relationship.
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: And then I let's see that toxic relationship ended, my marriage ended, I lost, I quit my job like my whole world shook down, the foundation underneath me cracked, uh.
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: But also then I met my partner.
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: I had a couple of female partners and then I went from one nesting partner to another.
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: So, and now my partner and I, who I met during my marriage, we've been together for four years and we're extremely happy and in love and we are building our foundation and starting to open up our relationship.
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: Was that a quick summary for you?
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that was pretty good.
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: You kept it under five minutes, so that's very impressive, very, very impressive.
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: Oh, there's still so many questions.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: Every time I hear you give your background, it's like I have like 10 more questions now.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I'm so jealous of you to find out that you were bisexual at such a young age.
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: Oh, my goodness, and I didn't mention this on your podcast but I date all over.
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: I'm like omnisexual.
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: So I date, julius dates everybody.
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: But I had to learn that in almost nearly old man status, 40 years old I'm so old right now.
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: So old.
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: I was like I can date other people Again, I have to go back to being allowed.
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: That whole mentality is like I'm allowed to do this, oh, I'm allowed to spank people on their butts, and then they get excited by that, Like the first time.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: I had my very first kink scene and I spanked somebody on the butt and they got excited.
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: I was like I can do this, and then people enjoy this.
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: And then people enjoy this and then people ask me to do it.
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: I was like what is going on?
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: I'm so, oh my goodness.
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I had to get very allowed to do this.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: So I'm so jealous that you had this experience, even though it was rough at the beginning.
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: But, oh my goodness, okay.
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: So what would you like to?
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: I have like a million questions.
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: Let's start with the bisexual.
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: Uh, let's see here.
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: You're okay.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: So have you dated on both men and women?
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: What is your experience there?
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so I've.
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: I've dated both men and women and also have had just sexual encounters with both men and women, so dated in a relationship with females and males, and then, you know, did the swinging thing for a little bit with both men and women.
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: Okay, and what is your thoughts on a group play, either with partners or with people at like a swingers club?
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: group play, either with partners or with people at like a swingers club.
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: So I, so I actually started dating this woman.
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: This was probably like eight years ago.
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: Shit, time flies really yeah, I was talking about that whole 2020 but, um, she was a beautiful woman, spiritually, physically.
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: She was gorgeous, um, and she had a boyfriend, and so it was her and I were playing and building this relationship and then we noticed that we were all attracted to each other.
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: So then we started swapping partners, enjoying group play together, and, uh, that was a lot of fun and it really blossomed and opened me up to realize, oh, this can be, a thing like this is fun.
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: There was no jealousy involved, no upset.
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: It was just very open and loving and playful.
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: And it was in that relationship dynamic that we explored a swingers club and my girlfriend and her boyfriend.
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: They went off and did their own thing and I ended up my husband and I ended up sticking around and playing on this giant bed and it was the biggest bed I'd ever seen.
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: But there was no one really in the club.
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: And I seen this girl.
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: She was watching me, kind of getting undressed, touching myself.
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: Sorry if I'm getting a little too detailed, but I love the details oh yeah, this is.
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: We talk about all this here around the kinky fanfare, so please give us all the details.
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: I got more question details for you too, just FYI oh yeah.
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: So I, you know, was playfully touching myself and my husband was there and I looked at her and she was looking at me almost like she needed permission to come over to me.
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: So I looked at her through the glass and I gave her my flirty eyes and I poked my finger out and I said come here.
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: She looked at me and she came right on over in the bed.
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: That experience ended in screams, let me tell you.
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: She was very well-pleasured and that brought a whole bunch of other couples to come up on the bed.
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: Next thing, you know, I'm looking over and there's couples on the right of me, couples on the left of me.
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: We're all exchanging kisses and, oh my God, it was mind-blowing experience and that was my only time at a swingers club and I am like dying to go back.
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: I'm dying to like see what else is there.
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: What you know, I don't really I kind of told you in my podcast it's not really my thing to go home with people.
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: I don't.
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: I like to feel safe and secure first, get to know someone first.
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: But if it's in that kind of setting and people are laughing and asking consent and negotiating, and it's fun and there's connection there and chemistry.
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: I'm about it Because I'm doing it next to my partner and that makes me feel safe.
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: I don't think I would go by myself to one of those things or one of the events, but I am.
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: I'm jonesing to go back to the club.
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: It's been several years.
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: Oh, that makes me sad.
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I know Me too.
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: See, I would have loved to just watch all that that'd been great.
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, I love watching.
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I love watching I love that she waited until you called her over.
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: I was like that's some good consent right there, yeah, because, uh, yeah, here in, uh, in central florida it's.
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: It really depends on the place that you go to where the consent is.
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: We have a more public swingers club but I hear all kinds of consent violations all the time there, but then we have one that's a little bit more private and is very heavily consensual.
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: During that time I have some stories from during quarantine speaking of years passing by.
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: It's just like the consent was like through the roof.
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: It's like good to hear, but it's just funny like eavesdropping on these conversations hilarious.
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: But yes, uh, I, I feel you on the swingers club and being in that kind of environment.
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: I just like being around those kind of people where it's just that kind of stuff is more commonplace, especially when there's a high level of a consent.
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, I'm sad you didn't get to do that again for so long.
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: How long ago?
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: You said that was seven years ago.
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, roughly seven years ago or so.
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, my partner and I are talking about going back.
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: Um, down in Oregon is where we, where I went previously.
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: Um, there's a couple in Seattle, but I'm not so sure about them, but definitely want to go back and we're talking about it.
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: I think, as a swinger, a person who's open, you have to be confident within yourself, within your body, and being open to that possibility.
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: Open to that possibility, and that's not something you have to rush your partner into doing, because my partner's never had an experience like that before and I want it to be a mutual decision, not me coercing him or forcing him to do it, but being rather patient and open and loving towards him needing to be ready for that type of experience.
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: Oh, yes, yes, being open.
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: Yep, I definitely understand what you're saying there and that's good that you have that awareness there.
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: Because, yeah, you, okay.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: So I talked about it on yours D dating a lot of moms, I would get attracted.
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: Also, they are more not straight than they are straight.
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: And the little thing when you're talking about group play is having the same type when it comes to other people being involved.
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: And even after all my years of being in a person that dates, I still have not found somebody that we had the same type.
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: So there's only been one time where I've had group play and it was with partners that I was in a triad with.
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: So it's like nobody even thinks about that kind of stuff.
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: It's like, do you have the same type?
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: Because, yeah, right down into the yeah, okay, yeah.
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: I think that's funny.
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: I got to touch on that real quick because my partner and I we find so much freedom in checking other people out right, because that's human nature.
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: You see an attractive person and you're comparing notes.
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: You're like, oh what, the same type of attraction to people.
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: And well, there'll be attracted to both individuals because I will not engage with anyone that I'm not attracted to yep, that's.
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: Another thing too is like well, you, you're attracted to one person in the couple, but not the other person, and it just breaks everything down.
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: It's like oh, yeah, and it does make it a little more difficult to find uh couples that you're compatible with uh physically and intellectually yep, oh, man, it's that.
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: All those different, oh, my goodness, okay.
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: So, oh wait, we went a little um, got ahead of ourselves a little bit, because I have had previous guests on here that were also considered themselves bisexual but have gotten multiple definitions.
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: So what is your definition of bisexual?
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: Okay, my definition of bisexual is that I am attracted to females or males, physically, intellectually.
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: However, I could not be in a romantic relationship or have a nesting partner that was just a female.
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: Okay, and then what about like in between?
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: You know I haven't I.
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: It has been something I've thought about and it's that physical attraction piece that I have to have before willing to explore that.
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: But it is something I have been open to and very interested in engaging with other individuals, even transgender individuals.
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: That's part of my self-discovery.
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: I'm still exploring and once in a while I'll look and look at pictures.
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: But I have to have like a deep calling and there has to be a physical attraction.
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: Yep, and I agree with you on that, being somebody that's omnisexual.
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: It's a little bit different than pansexual because it depends on how you identify what I'm attracted to.
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: So you can be man, woman, trans, all that in between.
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: And I actually have a non-binary partner.
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: They look a certain way I don't want to say it's like a type, but if you identify as a man, then I have a picture in my head of what I prefer.
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: And it's kind of interesting because when I came up on omnisexual, it was one of those things where, oh, that definition fits me.
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: That makes 100% sense.
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: But, like you, I haven't explored it too much.
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: I've been on a couple of dates with a couple of guys and I've been to you speaking about Pride in your podcast, going to Pride, and I actually went to a Pride bar crawl and I got hit on by a couple of guys for the first time.
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: They was pretty sure they were gay.
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: Hit on by a couple of guys for the first time, they was like pretty sure they were gay.
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: That's how they presented themselves.
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: I didn't ask too many questions but I could tell they were interested in me and my friend.
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: But that was the first time I've had that experience and it's like ooh, okay.
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: But I know, for me I'm a little bit weird because I'm a big hair person Like I prefer shave for the most part.
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: And I say this to people.
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: They like, oh, it's gotta be like scorched earth.
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: And it's like no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I just prefer like shaved at some point.
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: So it's kind of weird because it all comes in.
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: I'm not a big fan of like super hairy people and then like the masculine traits.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: That's like got my beard.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: It's like okay, don't know what that means.
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I can resonate with the hair because one of my good friends, she, is proudly in her what she calls slut era and I am fully supporting her and I don't believe that women who are sexual are sluts.
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: But because she uses that term, I'm going to use it too.
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: But she's in her slut era and she'll send me pictures of the men that she's been having relations with.
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: And am I allowed to say fucking on this podcast?
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you can say fucking, we all look in there, we get up in there and we get deep, yeah.
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah, she's showing me all the pictures we all up in there.
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: We get up in there and we get deep.
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: She's been.
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: She's showing me all the pictures of the individuals that she's fucking and I'm like, oh, that dude is so hairy, I could not do it.
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: I agree with you, I'm not really into bodily hair, but it's funny because my partner, he, is semi hairy, but because he's a redhead, all his hair is blonde and I actually don't notice it.
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: But the dark hair, I'm like, yeah, I can't get down with that, but I do love, uh, facial hair.
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: Actually, I'm more prone to talk to an individual with facial hair than I am not.
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, this, he, even that kind of stuff is like how are you supposed to do couples play when you got like two different things?
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: It's like, oh my gosh, see that person like there.
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: Oh, there's so many.
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: And that's that's where it comes to is like can you tolerate this for a short time, Because it's not a long time?
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean Like time, because it's not a long time.
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean.
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: Like can you make some exceptions?
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: Like if you found an attractive man and he doesn't have a beard but he's still attractive, I can get down with that because he's not my long-term partner.
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: You know what I mean uh, I want to say yes, to agree with you, but I can't.
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: I don't understand, because, being on the a spectrum, it's like no, because you.
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: I gotta look at that when I'm talking to you yeah, that's true, I mean the complexities, right, it's so funny yeah, it was, yeah, yeah, oh, man, because yeah, I, I have not been sexually with somebody that presents as male, as of yet, but and none I've had partners that were, I'll just say, more hairy than others, and getting hit with the stubble is always jarring.
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: Or you're doing certain things and you got hair in your food and it's like oh, yeah, you get hair in the mouth.
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: And it's like ah, but me myself, I actually prefer not to be hairy.
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: Luckily I'm on the less hairy side of the spectrum so I don't have to shave often.
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: But yeah, I prefer, even for myself, shave skin.
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: I don't really do beards or anything like that.
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: I'll do a mustache like very once every 10 years or something like that.
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: But for me shave like like a nice clean face and everything shaved like a professional wrestler, that kind of thing yeah, no, I feel you yeah, okay, so I appreciate you explaining your definition because, yeah, we've gotten that definition before and it's always interesting.
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: Interesting because I'm a huge nerd when it comes to definitions, but I had to learn.
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: Like everybody has a different definition, so once again, that's another thing.
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: To negotiate is like let's have this definition and what does this mean to you?
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: It's like, hmm, and then you know, I love having that conversation.
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: I agree my short story.
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: My partner and I were not disagreeing on the term polyamory versus E&M and I kept telling him I'm not polyamory anymore, I'm not polyamory.
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: He's like he had conversations with people.
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: He's like we're polyamorous.
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: I'm like you say that they're gonna get the wrong idea of what our relationship is about.
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: So finally he's shifted his definition to fit more our relationship.
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: So definition and how a person describes something is very important in any type of relationship yep, that's why you need a good.
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: That's why I just say non-monogamy.
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: Well, non-monogamy is because that's the umbrella term.
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: But then have I told you about relationship anarchy?
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: That's why I like to say that, because it's like it just, each relationship is independent of its own.
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: So, whatever the definition is, it depends on the person which everybody hates that answer, but it's like it really depends on the person.
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: I I agree with you I'll tell you what.
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: Right now, this urban artifact teak tropical american fruit tart just tastes so doggone delicious, not sponsored, um.
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: So let's see here.
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: So swingers club?
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: Oh, I had.
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: I'm just going to ask this question now.
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: I don't know if it really there's a good transition for this nesting partners.
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: I actually, uh, I don't know if I mentioned this before, but I am also solo.
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: There's another term for you Solo polyamorous, meaning I don't ever plan on having nesting partners kids sharing finances, all those kinds of things.
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: So I would love to hear your experience when it comes to nesting partners and also living with somebody and having other partners, because I don't have that experience because I live by myself.
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a loaded question.
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: Um, oh, we love um.
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: Hold on, let me think, let me think.
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: Uh, I so I started dating my husband and we were just the two of us for a long while.
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: Actually, it's an interesting story how this all came about, to he and I being open.
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: Ooh, let's hear that we had a bad reason and basically I got a hall pass to go explore if I found someone I wanted to explore with.
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: So I turned in my hall pass and he found that it turned him on to have me be with other people and we were very secure in our relationship because we had just had twins, we were married, we had the house, you know, the wedding ring, all the things, and so I felt very secure in us.
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: As you can see, those were all materialistic things that I just mentioned there and I can get to that part a little later.
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: But because we were secure and we lived together, we shared the finance at all the things, we were more open to exploring other partnerships outside of us and it was good because we had our own individuality in relationships and that's something I actually am very I advocate for.
• 27:54
  Speaker 2: A lot is having your own individual life outside of the relationship, and part of being polyamorous or E&M is an answer to that is kind of having your own, you know life outside of the relationship.
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: And so we did that for a little bit.
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: And then I met a girlfriend and I kind of already shared that story of how we led what led to a swingers club and then I got together with a very toxic person who did not want me to be polyamory or E&M or explore my bisexuality and my dumb ass.
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: I agreed to it and so I was only with this other partner and my husband.
• 28:40
  Speaker 2: He would dabble around a little bit, he'd meet some friends and have his own relationships outside of the marriage, but they weren't threatening, they were just friendly relations.
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: And during that time I was stuck in the toxic relationship so my mental health depleted, my physical health depleted.
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: But I'd always have that kind of home, secure base where I'd have someone there for me to support me through the emotions that I was experiencing.
• 29:12
  Speaker 2: And that was my husband.
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: And so it was very comforting to have someone that you can kind of confide in, you can share and show your emotions to outside of or within the nesting partner relationship.
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: And it was good to have a home base.
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: You know it was nice and you know, although I had this toxic relationship on the side and then eventually I also had a girlfriend and it was fun to get out of the house and kind of, you know, get away from the kids and just be Melanie for a little bit and then return to that safe and secure haven where my husband and kids were.
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: So I think it is different for a solo poly individual, where you do have your own independence, you have your own privacy.
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: But on the flip side because I've not ever been solely solo poly I ask you know how shit I just lost my question.
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: We had the same boat.
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: That's totally fine.
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: No, no, it's okay.
• 30:21
  Speaker 2: I was like, oh, I got a lot of thoughts going on in my mind right now, but you know how different that is between having a nested partner, someone you can confide in, someone you can talk to about your outside relationships because we did share those things together versus someone who's solo poly, who goes home.
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: Yes, you have that independence and you have that safe haven and you have your quiet and your space.
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: But do you get to share all of you with all of your partners, versus where I had my one, my person, my marriage, where I got to show all sides of me, I got to show all the emotions I got to talk about my other relationships to my husband and I think when you have that person, your nesting partner, it's a deeper, more intimate relationship and you get to share those parts of yourselves.
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: More intimate relationship.
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: And you get to share those parts of yourselves Because I respect the privacy of the relationships where, if I was solo poly, I wouldn't be going to one relationship to the next relationship, to the next relationship, sharing about all those different partnerships and relationships, because that's sacred, right In my mind.
• 31:34
  Speaker 2: I would keep those relationships respectful and what's in that relationship stays in the relationship.
• 31:41
  Speaker 2: But when I had my husband, I was able to kind of share my experiences and have a sounding board.
• 31:47
  Speaker 2: And, hey, I need to ask you a question about this, like, what do you think about this?
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: Because that was just the kind of our honesty and openness within our marriage, the kind of our honesty and openness within our marriage.
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: And so when those relationships broke down, when I finally was able to get away from my toxic boyfriend at the time and I ended up dating, I had a girlfriend as well, and then I met my current partner, donnie, who he and I have been together for four years.
• 32:20
  Speaker 2: I fell completely in love with Donnie, who he and I have been together for four years.
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: I fell completely in love with Donnie and my relationship, my marriage, was so damaged we tried to recover it, but it became really hard to go from one house to the other house and have three kids and have two partners and knowing that my heart was really with Donnie and my marriage was not able to regain its connection and integrity and foundation that we had built, where it was so eroded that when my marriage decided it needed to end, or when we both decided it needed to end.
• 33:01
  Speaker 2: I shifted my nesting partners from my husband to Donnie and I've been here ever since.
• 33:10
  Speaker 2: That was a really long answer to your question.
• 33:13
  Speaker 2: I don't know if I even answered it.
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you answered it and I got like multiple other questions now.
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: Okay, so I'm going to throw another term at you here.
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: It's called parallel poly and you make a good point of having a nesting partner and being able to talk to them about all the relationship stuff.
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: I don't do that actually.
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: So let's see here, because we only got a few minutes left, let me see if I can do this in like 10 minutes.
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: Oh, this is such a broad topic to talk about and also talking about like negotiation, and and and boundaries.
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: Okay, oh man, uh, in parallel poly, each relationship is different.
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: So this is another like underneath term, underneath the relationship anarchy In my relationships, the only information I give to current partners about new partners is STD statuses, so testing, and then also if it's going to be moving from dating to something physical or more serious.
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: But I don't talk about other relationships with any partner.
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: When I'm with a partner, all we worry about is our relationship outside of those, you know, pre-negotiated uh relationship, uh information.
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: Basically I call it like tmi.
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: It's like okay, tmi time I have a new partner, testing went okay, and then it's going to get more serious now.
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: So that means I'm going to see them on a regular basis and physical stuff might happen.
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: So for me this is one of those things where it's like another kind of fortunate type of thing Most of my partners that I talk to maybe because they're newer to polyamory is that they don't want to know any other information.
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: So, say, I go to our local dungeon, they don't want to know that I was there like the night before and I don't want to know that either.
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: When I'm in a relationship with someone, my focus is our relationship.
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: And then also if there's a public event that another partner is going to be at, then I say, hey, partner could be there.
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: Say, I'm doing an improv show or something like that.
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: It's like, hey, I have this show.
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: Multiple partners might be there, because I told everybody and they want to come see me and I'm performing in the show.
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: So have those kinds of conversations.
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: But to your point, no, I'd actually don't have someone where I can talk about all my relationship with as a soundboard, because my even my poly friends are a little bit.
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: They run their relationships a little bit different as well, because I don't know how it is up in Washington, but, like central Florida, a lot of people are like always focused on kitchen table poly and it's like not everybody wants that.
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: So that's another one of those assumption type things that's like in the community is like not everybody wants to live together, not everybody wants kitchen table Polly.
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: Some people just like to have the relationship and focus on the relationship.
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, you make a good point when you say that, even though, um, yeah, you make a good point when you say that, even though you say it was a long answer, but it wasn't actually that long of an answer.
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: And then there's other topics to talk about there.
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: So I'm wondering yeah, every relationship is separate, and then I don't even check my phone that often when I'm on a date or with a partner during that time, and I tell other partners that too.
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: If, like, hey, there might be times when I'm not as responsive as usual, that's because it's like you know, especially at night it's a, it's a partner's night, so that time is kind of sacred.
• 37:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I agree with that.
• 37:47
  Speaker 2: Keeping the time to build the relationship and be intimate and have that one-on-one time is sacred, and that's something I appreciate about my partner is when we're out to eat or we're doing something, just he and I.
• 38:04
  Speaker 2: He's not checking his phone and although we're not really talking to anyone right now, I know that that's going to stay consistent and that he's not going to be picking up his phone for someone else when he's with me.
• 38:17
  Speaker 2: So those are boundaries that you have to respect in the dynamics as well.
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: So how do you do that with a nesting partner?
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: If you find another partner, how do you have that intimate time?
• 38:38
  Speaker 2: intimate time.
• 38:38
  Speaker 2: Well, when you're with someone, right, okay.
• 38:40
  Speaker 2: So if we're like sitting on the couch just hanging out, it's yeah, we're texting, or hey, even to my friends, hey, how you doing, or I'm posting something.
• 38:45
  Speaker 2: You know we can be in the same space and still do those things.
• 38:48
  Speaker 2: But when we are intentionally trying to spend time with together, we're not picking each other's phones up or talking to other people or picking up phone calls, because it all lies behind the intention that you're setting for that time a nesting partner.
• 39:14
  Speaker 2: I mean, you get that time because you're there.
• 39:15
  Speaker 2: You know you go to work and you come home and they're there.
• 39:17
  Speaker 2: And then, hey, I'm going to go on a date with so-and-so, I will let you know when I get there so that you know I'm safe and we have a mutual agreement like, hey, unless it's an emergency, I'm not really looking at my phone right now.
• 39:27
  Speaker 2: And that's the same with in the relationship too.
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: When we go out to eat or we go on a date, we're setting an intention to spend that one-on-one time together, okay, and then what about, like, if you want alone time, if you have a nesting partner?
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: And then, if they have a nesting partner, or do they usually have, like their own place?
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: I guess I'm wondering that because, since I live by myself, if a partner say she has kids and they're at the house, then they can always come to my place when it's like time and then we can, like you know, cuddle in the bed.
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: Yes, there's a little logistical thing in there because, yeah, somebody else was in the bed the night before, but it's, um, I anytime I think about having a nesting partner, it's like but anytime I think about having a nesting partner, it's like, oh, that option is gone now because I have a nesting partner there, so we can't use my place and I like being able to have a partner come over and if they wanted to stay the night, they can do that, because I do live by myself.
• 40:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, donnie and I have definitely talked about that.
• 40:31
  Speaker 2: We're like how are we going to do this?
• 40:31
  Speaker 2: Donnie and I have definitely talked about that.
• 40:31
  Speaker 2: We're like how are we going to do this?
• 40:35
  Speaker 2: Because I'm big on our bedroom, is our space, and so then it's like well, where do we engage in sexual encounters if we want to bring someone home?
• 40:46
  Speaker 2: And it's like y'all can go downstairs on the bed.
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: What if you just want to cuddle?
• 40:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, we have a couch you know like, oh well, we have.
• 41:03
  Speaker 2: We have a bed downstairs in the basement.
• 41:05
  Speaker 2: I'm like y'all can go down there, you know, and that might change, that might change.
• 41:09
  Speaker 2: I might not be so adamant that our bedroom be our space, but it is.
• 41:14
  Speaker 2: It's like our sacred space, like I don't care, you can fuck on the kitchen counter, you can fuck on the dining table, you can fuck on the couch in the living room, I do not care.
• 41:21
  Speaker 2: This house is big enough.
• 41:22
  Speaker 2: Y'all can have your space, but our bedroom is ours.
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: You know, oh my gosh, and see there's.
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: I've heard a bunch of different stories of couples.
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: They either, like you know, do the hotel room or I've even heard some, um, couples will get a separate apartment just for dates like that, overnight dates, so that way you can take your partner to the the apartment.
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: Or like having a whole separate bedroom for guests to stay over if you have a multiple bedroom house.
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: So yeah, I always wonder about that whole entire thing is like do I need a five bedroom house to be able to have a nesting partner?
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: that way it's like a whole different wing if I bring somebody over but then it's like I wouldn't even want them, like having a next door, I mean, yeah, oh wait, I've even heard of a couple that bought the house next to them so that, oh wow, they had their own house and then they could bring their partners over.
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: But like I wouldn't even want to be in the same neighborhood.
• 42:13
  Speaker 1: That's the whole entire thing.
• 42:15
  Speaker 2: You know what's?
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: kind of weird for a poly person.
• 42:17
  Speaker 1: It's like I don't want to know, my partner has other partners, but it's like it's a whole separate thing, that kind of thing.
• 42:23
  Speaker 1: So I always wonder when people have nesting partners, how does that work out?
• 42:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean that is true.
• 42:28
  Speaker 2: It definitely takes negotiating and understanding each other's needs and you know we've talked about when we were scouting for someone to have a threesome with.
• 42:38
  Speaker 2: It was like, yeah, we're going to have to get a hotel room because we have five kids.
• 42:42
  Speaker 2: There's not a lot of time to you know, a lot of space without the kids we have every other weekend and sometimes it's like we just want to be us.
• 42:51
  Speaker 2: We just want the two of us to have our time together.
• 43:00
  Speaker 2: So it's definitely talking about you know what's going to work.
• 43:01
  Speaker 2: Do you get a, do you get a hotel?
• 43:02
  Speaker 2: Do you go in a different room or do you sacrifice the bedroom, clean the sheets afterwards?
• 43:05
  Speaker 2: You know whatever you got to do and sage the shit out of it.
• 43:07
  Speaker 2: You know, because I'm big on energetics and having clean energy in my space.
• 43:12
  Speaker 2: But it is you have to talk about it and you have to be willing to bridge the gap and meet each other's needs.
• 43:20
  Speaker 2: And in my relationship, when you're talking about like having other polyamorous relationships who have nesting partners or your partner having a nesting partner, is that in my relationship we've agreed if anyone's here for a long time, they're here for both of us and that makes it so much more freeing and able to do things.
• 43:42
  Speaker 2: Because we're looking for someone who's interested in the two of us.
• 43:45
  Speaker 2: Because I'm bisexual.
• 43:47
  Speaker 2: If it's just for a short time and you're having fun, whatever, yeah, we can go do our own thing, but if anyone's here for a little longer time, then it's for the two of us.
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's another thing.
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: I understand the short-term thing, but the long-term is like, oh, every one of my relationships is long-term.
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: That's the plan.
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: We have so much to talk about, we're running out of time, but I definitely want to talk about, yeah, the kids thing is like I forgot about that Cause I live by myself.
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: So if I just want to walk around my underwear and I have a partner, you know, and you just want to have it free the nips, it's like we don't have to even think about that, Cause we can just go in the kitchen and whatever I've had naked um aftercare, just eating there.
• 44:30
  Speaker 1: I mean, it's like you can't do that with the kids around.
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: I didn't even think about that that's right, yep.
• 44:37
  Speaker 1: Just walk it back.
• 44:37
  Speaker 1: It adds a whole nother layer.
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we got so much to talk about and especially I wanted to talk about the outside relationship hobbies.
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: I know you talked about that on one of your episodes before.
• 44:48
  Speaker 1: Have you read either Polysecure or Polywise?
• 44:54
  Speaker 2: No, I haven't.
• 44:55
  Speaker 1: Okay, I would recommend both of those.
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: Polywise is more intermediate polyamory they have poly in the name but I would argue monogamous people can read about it because those especially Polysecure, is one of the staples when you're getting into any kind of non-monogamy.
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: It's one of those books that a lot of it's like a primer book for getting into non-monogamous relationships.
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: I brought it up because the first one, polysecure they talk about attachment styles.
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: I'd never heard of attachment styles until I read that book.
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: But they also talk about consensual non-monogamy.
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: I don't know if you've heard that term before and then now.
• 45:35
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 45:35
  Speaker 1: And then now on the Reddits they're doing more of just saying non-monogamy rather than saying ethical or consensual, because it's like monogamous people don't say ethical monogamy, it's like, why are non-monogamous people?
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: Hopefully you're taking the consent and the ethicals and your morals and putting it in there before you decide to be non-monogamous.
• 45:54
  Speaker 1: So that's what they talked about in Polysecure and then Polywise.
• 45:58
  Speaker 1: They talked about the relationship phases, which I had never heard about until I read Polywise.
• 46:05
  Speaker 1: I'm like there's five stages in a relationship and when you're talking about outside hobbies, that's actually like phase two or three of the relationship.
• 46:13
  Speaker 1: So phase one is the honeymoon phase, which most people think that's like the whole relationship.
• 46:18
  Speaker 1: You should be in a honeymoon phase for the whole 5, 10, 15 years, however long.
• 46:22
  Speaker 1: It was like no, there's four other stages in there.
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: And stage three is like, hey, you have time together in a relationship, but then you also have outside hobbies, not even necessarily talking about polyamory or non-monogamy.
• 46:34
  Speaker 1: It's like you should go join a bowling team or something like that.
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: You don't have to be identified as so-and-so's boyfriend or girlfriend.
• 46:43
  Speaker 1: It's like, oh, actually I bowl or I do stand-up comedy or something like that.
• 46:48
  Speaker 1: So it's interesting to me that you said that in your podcast.
• 46:53
  Speaker 1: And then if you don't know about the five stages of relationship but having outside hobbies is a natural part of that that a lot of people don't know about and for me that was one of the things I learned about after reading that book.
• 47:06
  Speaker 2: I'm going to have to look into both of those.
• 47:08
  Speaker 2: Thank you for the recommendations recommendations, yeah, my pleasure.
• 47:10
  Speaker 1: And then, um, yeah, attachment styles.
• 47:13
  Speaker 1: There's a bunch of youtube channels, there's a bunch of books that talk about it and it's like why are we learning about long division when we don't need we even know that there's attachment styles based on how you're raised as a kid, and then also five phases.
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: There's five phases in a relationship like I.
• 47:29
  Speaker 1: That blew my mind is like how is the first time I've heard about this?
• 47:32
  Speaker 1: I'm nearly 40 years old.
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: This is the first time I'm hearing about this.
• 47:34
  Speaker 1: But, yeah, those, those books are good.
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: Um, introductory books.
• 47:39
  Speaker 1: And then also looking more into it, it's like the different.
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: There's a bunch of different books about the five stages of relationships and, um, there's actually a model that I talked about, but I haven't.
• 47:48
  Speaker 1: I just I still doing more research about it.
• 47:50
  Speaker 1: But this kind of stuff is why podcast?
• 47:53
  Speaker 1: It's like I need to talk to people about these so people know that this is a thing, because we aren't taught this in school.
• 47:59
  Speaker 2: I think people would roll in the grave if this kind of conversation was taught about in school, but it needs to be heard, it needs to be said.
• 48:07
  Speaker 2: We need to be educating the next generations on what the options are.
• 48:12
  Speaker 2: And I got a lot of strife when people found out I was in an open relationship and I was telling my kids about it, because they thought, well, you're raising them to be like that.
• 48:24
  Speaker 2: It's like, no, I'm not.
• 48:25
  Speaker 2: I'm letting them know there are other things out in this world other than being monogamous or other than being Christian, like there's tons of different religions out there.
• 48:32
  Speaker 2: But if you don't teach your kids what the options are, they're going to think there's only one way to living and that's not.
• 48:38
  Speaker 2: That's not true.
• 48:41
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, you touched on.
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: Another thing that we need to talk about is like what have you told your family?
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: Because my family only knows about the polyamory.
• 48:48
  Speaker 1: They don't know about the kink and the queer stuff.
• 48:50
  Speaker 1: I don't even know if I want to talk to them about that yeah, that's a long story.
• 48:54
  Speaker 2: I mean not really long, but I can tell it yeah, we, oh my gosh, we're running out.
• 48:58
  Speaker 1: We ran out of time, we got there's more stuff.
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: We're gonna have to do this again we got to catch each other up and even yeah, you, you caught me before, but I'll be talking to you and my solo podcasting too, because it's like, all those different the your you talk about inspires me.
• 49:13
  Speaker 1: It's like, oh yeah, that's right, I got to talk about that too, and it's amazing.
• 49:18
  Speaker 2: Yes, this has been awesome.
• 49:19
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much for having me on.
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: Oh, thank you for coming on and such good answers and being open and everything and so many more questions to be asked, but I'm going to put your socials and your link to your podcast all in the description.
• 49:34
  Speaker 1: Is there anything else you wanted to promote?
• 49:37
  Speaker 2: uh, I don't know the, uh, the wine that, the unnamed wine that you're drinking it's pretty good though breakup wine no, not a thing, but it will be uh out there soon oh no, I was just gonna say that y'all can find me at I am Melanie Caroline.
• 49:56
  Speaker 2: C-a-r-o-l wine L wine, too much wine, apparently.
• 50:01
  Speaker 2: C-a-r-o-l-y-n.
• 50:03
  Speaker 2: Caroline at Melanie Caroline on Instagram.
• 50:06
  Speaker 2: Hit me up and DM me if you have any questions and listen to my podcast at mom's unbox.
• 50:12
  Speaker 1: Okay, and this is a part one of conversations with Melanie and, uh, hopefully it will be.
• 50:19
  Speaker 1: It'll happen again at some point, uh, when we can catch each other on our schedules, and this is around the King campfire.
• 50:27
  Speaker 1: I'm going to uh, hopefully, stick a uh intro and outro on this, uh, at some point, but point.
• 50:33
  Speaker 1: But you guys are hearing this and I don't know if I'll leave this in or not, but it was a great talking to you, melanie, and looking forward to the next time.
• 50:42
  Speaker 2: Amazing.
• 50:42
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much.
• 50:44
  Speaker 1: My pleasure and to all the campsters out there hello.
• 50:47
  Speaker 1: That's a wrap for this episode of the Around the Kinky Campfire podcast.
• 50:52
  Speaker 1: We love having you by the fire and we'd love to hear from you.
• 50:55
  Speaker 1: Got a kinky question, a steamy story or a topic you want us to cover?
• 50:59
  Speaker 1: Slide into our DMs and send us a message at aroundthekinkycampfire campfire with a K at yahoocom.
• 51:06
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• 51:10
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