Latest / How To Love Yourself No Matter What / 313. How to Build a Fuck Yes Life With a Sensitive Brain

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313. How to Build a Fuck Yes Life With a Sensitive Brain · How To Love Yourself No Matter What

• 0:00
  Hey,
• 0:00
  I'm
• 0:01
  Amanda
• 0:01
  Hess.
• 0:02
  I'm
• 0:02
  a
• 0:02
  certified
• 0:02
  life
• 0:03
  coach.
• 0:03
  But
• 0:04
  what
• 0:04
  you
• 0:04
  need
• 0:04
  to
• 0:04
  know
• 0:04
  is
• 0:05
  I'm
• 0:05
  a
• 0:05
  sensitive
• 0:06
  woman
• 0:06
  just
• 0:06
  like
• 0:07
  you.
• 0:07
  And
• 0:07
  I'm
• 0:08
  going
• 0:08
  to
• 0:08
  help
• 0:08
  you
• 0:09
  understand
• 0:09
  yourself
• 0:10
  better
• 0:10
  so
• 0:10
  that
• 0:11
  you
• 0:11
  can
• 0:11
  approach
• 0:11
  your
• 0:12
  life
• 0:12
  differently
• 0:13
  and
• 0:13
  feel
• 0:14
  really
• 0:15
  good
• 0:15
  about
• 0:15
  it.
• 0:16
  Let's
• 0:16
  go.
• 0:17
  Hey,
• 0:18
  hey,
• 0:18
  my
• 0:18
  beautiful
• 0:18
  friend.
• 0:20
  Okay.
• 0:21
  A
• 0:21
  fuck
• 0:21
  yes
• 0:22
  life
• 0:22
  starts
• 0:23
  with
• 0:23
  making
• 0:23
  yourself
• 0:23
  a
• 0:24
  fuck
• 0:24
  yes.
• 0:25
  If
• 0:25
  you
• 0:25
  haven't
• 0:26
  guessed
• 0:26
  already,
• 0:26
  this
• 0:27
  is
• 0:27
  going
• 0:27
  to
• 0:27
  be
• 0:28
  an
• 0:28
  episode
• 0:29
  that
• 0:29
  is
• 0:29
  definitely
• 0:30
  rated
• 0:30
  R.
• 0:30
  All
• 0:31
  right?
• 0:31
  But
• 0:32
  when
• 0:32
  I
• 0:32
  was
• 0:32
  thinking
• 0:33
  about
• 0:34
  what
• 0:34
  do
• 0:34
  you
• 0:34
  need
• 0:34
  to
• 0:35
  know?
• 0:35
  What
• 0:35
  do
• 0:35
  you
• 0:35
  need
• 0:35
  to
• 0:36
  hear?
• 0:36
  It's
• 0:37
  that
• 0:37
  we
• 0:38
  need
• 0:38
  to
• 0:38
  start
• 0:39
  going
• 0:39
  for
• 0:40
  a
• 0:40
  fuck
• 0:40
  yes
• 0:40
  life.
• 0:42
  I
• 0:43
  was
• 0:43
  thinking
• 0:43
  about
• 0:43
  this
• 0:44
  and.
• 0:44
  And
• 0:45
  one
• 0:45
  of
• 0:45
  the
• 0:45
  things
• 0:45
  I
• 0:46
  realized
• 0:46
  is
• 0:46
  a
• 0:46
  lot
• 0:47
  of
• 0:47
  the
• 0:47
  women
• 0:47
  that
• 0:47
  I
• 0:47
  talk
• 0:48
  to
• 0:49
  will
• 0:50
  not
• 0:50
  even
• 0:50
  necessarily
• 0:51
  identify
• 0:53
  with
• 0:53
  wanting
• 0:54
  a
• 0:54
  fakya's
• 0:55
  life.
• 0:56
  And
• 0:56
  I
• 0:56
  think
• 0:56
  that
• 0:56
  what
• 0:58
  happens
• 0:58
  is
• 0:59
  that
• 1:00
  we
• 1:00
  become
• 1:01
  really
• 1:02
  just
• 1:04
  desensitized
• 1:05
  to
• 1:05
  our
• 1:06
  life
• 1:06
  and
• 1:06
  to
• 1:06
  what
• 1:07
  we
• 1:07
  want.
• 1:08
  And
• 1:08
  so
• 1:08
  most
• 1:09
  women,
• 1:09
  when
• 1:10
  I
• 1:10
  talk
• 1:10
  to
• 1:10
  them,
• 1:10
  when
• 1:10
  they
• 1:11
  come
• 1:11
  to
• 1:11
  me,
• 1:11
  they'll
• 1:11
  say
• 1:11
  to
• 1:12
  me,
• 1:12
  amanda,
• 1:13
  I
• 1:13
  want
• 1:13
  a
• 1:14
  problem
• 1:14
  free
• 1:15
  life,
• 1:16
  which
• 1:16
  is
• 1:16
  that,
• 1:17
  you
• 1:17
  know,
• 1:17
  your
• 1:18
  husband
• 1:18
  or
• 1:18
  your
• 1:18
  wife
• 1:19
  gets
• 1:19
  it,
• 1:20
  your
• 1:20
  boss
• 1:21
  backs
• 1:21
  off,
• 1:21
  your
• 1:22
  kids
• 1:22
  cooperate,
• 1:23
  and
• 1:23
  everyone
• 1:23
  around
• 1:24
  us
• 1:25
  finally
• 1:25
  changes.
• 1:26
  So
• 1:26
  we
• 1:26
  can
• 1:26
  feel
• 1:26
  good,
• 1:27
  we
• 1:27
  can
• 1:28
  feel
• 1:28
  like
• 1:28
  we're
• 1:28
  enough.
• 1:29
  And
• 1:30
  until
• 1:30
  then,
• 1:31
  we're
• 1:32
  just
• 1:32
  tolerating.
• 1:33
  We're
• 1:33
  tolerating
• 1:34
  everything.
• 1:35
  We're
• 1:35
  managing.
• 1:36
  We're
• 1:37
  slowly
• 1:37
  dying
• 1:38
  inside,
• 1:38
  but
• 1:39
  we're
• 1:39
  fine.
• 1:40
  Everything's
• 1:41
  fine.
• 1:42
  And
• 1:42
  what
• 1:42
  I
• 1:43
  find
• 1:43
  when
• 1:43
  women
• 1:44
  are
• 1:44
  in
• 1:44
  this
• 1:44
  state
• 1:45
  is
• 1:46
  we
• 1:46
  believe,
• 1:47
  right,
• 1:47
  that
• 1:47
  there
• 1:48
  are
• 1:48
  only
• 1:48
  two
• 1:48
  options.
• 1:49
  Number
• 1:50
  one,
• 1:50
  tolerate
• 1:51
  everything
• 1:52
  and
• 1:52
  just
• 1:54
  slowly
• 1:54
  die
• 1:55
  inside
• 1:56
  or
• 1:57
  burn
• 1:58
  it
• 1:58
  all
• 1:58
  down,
• 1:59
  be
• 1:59
  a
• 1:59
  total
• 1:59
  bitch,
• 2:00
  risk
• 2:01
  losing
• 2:01
  everything.
• 2:02
  And
• 2:03
  today,
• 2:03
  what
• 2:03
  I
• 2:03
  want
• 2:03
  to
• 2:04
  offer
• 2:04
  you
• 2:04
  is
• 2:04
  a
• 2:05
  third
• 2:05
  option.
• 2:07
  You
• 2:07
  don't
• 2:07
  have
• 2:07
  to
• 2:08
  just
• 2:08
  have
• 2:08
  a
• 2:08
  fine
• 2:09
  life.
• 2:10
  You
• 2:10
  can
• 2:10
  have
• 2:10
  a
• 2:11
  fuck
• 2:11
  yes
• 2:11
  life.
• 2:12
  And
• 2:13
  the
• 2:13
  truth
• 2:13
  of
• 2:13
  the
• 2:13
  matter
• 2:13
  is
• 2:14
  it
• 2:14
  doesn't
• 2:14
  have
• 2:14
  anything
• 2:15
  to
• 2:15
  do
• 2:15
  with
• 2:16
  other
• 2:16
  people.
• 2:18
  So
• 2:19
  where
• 2:20
  I
• 2:20
  want
• 2:20
  to
• 2:20
  begin
• 2:21
  is
• 2:21
  talking
• 2:21
  about
• 2:22
  how
• 2:23
  we've
• 2:23
  really
• 2:24
  built
• 2:25
  our
• 2:25
  entire
• 2:26
  lives
• 2:27
  around
• 2:28
  other
• 2:28
  people's
• 2:28
  actions
• 2:29
  and
• 2:29
  reactions.
• 2:31
  Being
• 2:31
  a
• 2:31
  sensitive
• 2:32
  human,
• 2:33
  we
• 2:33
  have
• 2:33
  gotten
• 2:34
  very
• 2:34
  used
• 2:34
  to
• 2:35
  constantly
• 2:35
  adjusting,
• 2:37
  constantly
• 2:37
  managing,
• 2:39
  constantly
• 2:40
  waiting
• 2:40
  for
• 2:41
  something
• 2:41
  outside
• 2:42
  of
• 2:42
  us
• 2:42
  to
• 2:42
  change
• 2:43
  first.
• 2:43
  We
• 2:43
  are
• 2:43
  on
• 2:44
  the
• 2:44
  lookout
• 2:45
  for
• 2:45
  how
• 2:46
  others
• 2:47
  are
• 2:47
  acting
• 2:47
  and
• 2:48
  reacting.
• 2:49
  And
• 2:49
  we
• 2:49
  are
• 2:50
  adaptable.
• 2:51
  We
• 2:51
  adapt
• 2:51
  ourselves
• 2:52
  to
• 2:52
  this.
• 2:53
  And
• 2:53
  in
• 2:54
  doing
• 2:54
  so,
• 2:54
  what
• 2:55
  we
• 2:55
  don't
• 2:55
  realize
• 2:56
  is
• 2:56
  that
• 2:56
  we
• 2:56
  have
• 2:57
  jumped
• 2:57
  upon
• 2:58
  a
• 2:58
  hamster
• 2:58
  wheel.
• 3:00
  And
• 3:01
  we're
• 3:01
  on
• 3:01
  this
• 3:01
  hamster
• 3:02
  wheel
• 3:03
  really
• 3:03
  looking
• 3:04
  for
• 3:04
  how
• 3:04
  other
• 3:05
  people
• 3:05
  see
• 3:05
  us,
• 3:06
  how
• 3:06
  other
• 3:06
  people
• 3:06
  view
• 3:07
  us,
• 3:07
  how
• 3:07
  other
• 3:07
  people
• 3:08
  react
• 3:08
  to
• 3:08
  us.
• 3:09
  We're
• 3:09
  doing
• 3:09
  this
• 3:10
  so
• 3:10
  often
• 3:11
  and
• 3:11
  we're
• 3:12
  Doing
• 3:12
  this,
• 3:12
  even
• 3:12
  without
• 3:13
  oftentimes
• 3:14
  actually
• 3:14
  realizing
• 3:15
  that
• 3:15
  that's
• 3:15
  what
• 3:15
  we're
• 3:16
  doing
• 3:17
  in
• 3:17
  doing
• 3:18
  so.
• 3:18
  What
• 3:18
  we
• 3:18
  end
• 3:19
  up
• 3:19
  experiencing,
• 3:20
  because
• 3:21
  we
• 3:21
  are
• 3:21
  trying
• 3:22
  to
• 3:22
  ensure
• 3:23
  that
• 3:23
  other
• 3:23
  people
• 3:24
  are
• 3:24
  content
• 3:24
  with
• 3:25
  us,
• 3:26
  what
• 3:26
  we
• 3:26
  end
• 3:26
  up
• 3:26
  being
• 3:27
  on
• 3:27
  is
• 3:27
  this
• 3:27
  hamster
• 3:28
  wheel
• 3:28
  where
• 3:28
  we
• 3:28
  feel
• 3:29
  disappointed,
• 3:30
  where
• 3:30
  we
• 3:30
  feel
• 3:31
  frustrated,
• 3:31
  where
• 3:31
  we
• 3:32
  feel
• 3:32
  resentful.
• 3:33
  We
• 3:34
  are
• 3:34
  constantly
• 3:35
  running
• 3:36
  through
• 3:36
  these
• 3:36
  emotions
• 3:37
  and
• 3:38
  we
• 3:38
  can't
• 3:39
  figure
• 3:39
  out
• 3:39
  how
• 3:39
  to
• 3:39
  get
• 3:40
  off.
• 3:41
  And
• 3:41
  the
• 3:42
  reality
• 3:42
  is,
• 3:42
  is
• 3:43
  that
• 3:44
  the
• 3:44
  faster
• 3:44
  you
• 3:45
  run,
• 3:45
  the
• 3:45
  faster
• 3:46
  you
• 3:46
  go,
• 3:47
  but
• 3:47
  you're
• 3:47
  actually
• 3:48
  not
• 3:48
  getting
• 3:49
  anywhere.
• 3:50
  How
• 3:50
  I
• 3:51
  see
• 3:51
  this
• 3:51
  really
• 3:52
  showing
• 3:52
  up
• 3:53
  is
• 3:53
  women
• 3:54
  are
• 3:54
  getting
• 3:55
  more
• 3:55
  and
• 3:55
  more
• 3:56
  busy.
• 3:57
  Women
• 3:57
  that
• 3:58
  I
• 3:58
  help
• 3:58
  have
• 3:58
  all
• 3:59
  the
• 3:59
  plates
• 4:00
  spinning,
• 4:00
  and
• 4:00
  they
• 4:01
  work
• 4:01
  very
• 4:01
  hard
• 4:01
  to
• 4:02
  spin
• 4:02
  them.
• 4:03
  Because
• 4:03
  if
• 4:03
  you're
• 4:03
  busy
• 4:04
  spinning
• 4:04
  plates,
• 4:05
  if
• 4:05
  you're
• 4:05
  busy
• 4:06
  running
• 4:06
  as
• 4:06
  fast
• 4:07
  as
• 4:07
  you
• 4:07
  can,
• 4:09
  that
• 4:09
  at
• 4:09
  least
• 4:09
  feels
• 4:10
  like
• 4:10
  something.
• 4:11
  It
• 4:12
  feels
• 4:12
  productive.
• 4:13
  It
• 4:14
  feels
• 4:14
  like
• 4:14
  we're
• 4:14
  doing
• 4:15
  something,
• 4:15
  and
• 4:16
  that
• 4:16
  feels
• 4:17
  like
• 4:17
  maybe
• 4:18
  the
• 4:18
  place
• 4:18
  we
• 4:18
  want
• 4:18
  to
• 4:18
  be.
• 4:21
  But
• 4:22
  at
• 4:22
  the
• 4:23
  end
• 4:23
  of
• 4:23
  the
• 4:23
  day,
• 4:24
  it's
• 4:24
  not
• 4:25
  sustainable,
• 4:26
  number
• 4:27
  one.
• 4:27
  And
• 4:28
  number
• 4:28
  two,
• 4:28
  it
• 4:29
  doesn't
• 4:29
  really
• 4:29
  create
• 4:30
  anything
• 4:30
  that
• 4:30
  you
• 4:30
  want.
• 4:32
  The
• 4:32
  other
• 4:32
  part
• 4:33
  that
• 4:33
  I
• 4:33
  think
• 4:33
  we
• 4:33
  really
• 4:34
  need
• 4:34
  to
• 4:34
  look
• 4:34
  at
• 4:35
  is
• 4:35
  that
• 4:36
  when
• 4:36
  we're
• 4:36
  scanning,
• 4:38
  when
• 4:38
  we're
• 4:38
  doing
• 4:38
  that,
• 4:39
  we're
• 4:39
  not
• 4:39
  just,
• 4:41
  sorry,
• 4:42
  let's
• 4:42
  start
• 4:42
  over.
• 4:43
  The
• 4:43
  part
• 4:43
  that
• 4:43
  nobody
• 4:44
  really
• 4:44
  talks
• 4:44
  about
• 4:45
  is
• 4:46
  that
• 4:46
  we're
• 4:46
  not
• 4:46
  just
• 4:47
  managing
• 4:48
  everyone's
• 4:48
  needs.
• 4:49
  That's
• 4:49
  not
• 4:50
  just
• 4:50
  what
• 4:50
  we're
• 4:50
  doing.
• 4:51
  We're
• 4:51
  not
• 4:51
  just
• 4:51
  managing
• 4:52
  everyone's
• 4:52
  needs.
• 4:53
  We're
• 4:54
  scanning
• 4:54
  for
• 4:54
  them.
• 4:55
  We're
• 4:55
  walking
• 4:56
  into
• 4:56
  rooms
• 4:56
  and
• 4:57
  we're
• 4:57
  reading
• 4:57
  the
• 4:58
  energy,
• 4:58
  we're
• 4:59
  watching
• 4:59
  faces,
• 5:00
  we're
• 5:01
  monitoring
• 5:01
  tone,
• 5:02
  and
• 5:02
  we
• 5:03
  are
• 5:03
  adjusting
• 5:03
  ourselves
• 5:04
  in
• 5:05
  real
• 5:05
  time.
• 5:06
  And
• 5:07
  we've
• 5:07
  done
• 5:07
  it
• 5:07
  for
• 5:08
  so
• 5:08
  long
• 5:09
  that
• 5:09
  it
• 5:09
  just
• 5:10
  feels
• 5:10
  like
• 5:11
  our
• 5:11
  personality,
• 5:12
  this
• 5:12
  is
• 5:12
  just
• 5:13
  who
• 5:13
  we
• 5:13
  are.
• 5:13
  This
• 5:14
  is
• 5:14
  just
• 5:14
  how
• 5:14
  we
• 5:14
  are.
• 5:16
  And
• 5:16
  what
• 5:16
  that
• 5:16
  really
• 5:17
  is
• 5:17
  is
• 5:17
  what
• 5:18
  I
• 5:18
  call
• 5:18
  hyper
• 5:19
  vigilance.
• 5:20
  Hyper
• 5:20
  vigilance
• 5:21
  of
• 5:21
  how
• 5:21
  everyone
• 5:22
  else
• 5:22
  is
• 5:22
  doing.
• 5:22
  Perpetually
• 5:23
  being
• 5:23
  on
• 5:23
  alert
• 5:24
  for
• 5:24
  if
• 5:24
  everybody
• 5:25
  else
• 5:25
  is
• 5:25
  okay.
• 5:27
  And
• 5:27
  that
• 5:28
  hypervigilance,
• 5:30
  it
• 5:30
  really
• 5:30
  costs
• 5:31
  us
• 5:31
  everything.
• 5:33
  Because
• 5:33
  when
• 5:33
  our
• 5:33
  attention
• 5:34
  is
• 5:34
  pointed
• 5:35
  outward
• 5:35
  at
• 5:35
  other
• 5:36
  people,
• 5:38
  nothing
• 5:38
  is
• 5:38
  pointed
• 5:39
  at
• 5:39
  yourself.
• 5:41
  And
• 5:41
  what
• 5:41
  happens
• 5:42
  is
• 5:42
  we're
• 5:42
  so
• 5:43
  burned
• 5:44
  out.
• 5:45
  Not
• 5:45
  from
• 5:46
  the
• 5:46
  doing,
• 5:46
  not
• 5:47
  from
• 5:47
  the
• 5:47
  actual
• 5:48
  things
• 5:48
  that
• 5:49
  we're
• 5:49
  doing
• 5:49
  in
• 5:50
  life.
• 5:50
  We're
• 5:51
  burned
• 5:51
  out
• 5:52
  from
• 5:52
  never
• 5:52
  once
• 5:53
  being
• 5:53
  a
• 5:53
  consideration,
• 5:55
  not
• 5:55
  even
• 5:56
  to
• 5:56
  ourselves.
• 5:59
  Now,
• 5:59
  what
• 5:59
  I
• 5:59
  want
• 5:59
  you
• 5:59
  to
• 6:00
  know
• 6:00
  is
• 6:00
  that
• 6:00
  this
• 6:00
  isn't
• 6:01
  a
• 6:01
  character
• 6:01
  flaw,
• 6:02
  right?
• 6:02
  It
• 6:03
  makes
• 6:03
  complete
• 6:04
  sense.
• 6:05
  Sensitive.
• 6:06
  When
• 6:06
  sensitive
• 6:07
  women
• 6:07
  have
• 6:07
  been
• 6:07
  told
• 6:08
  their
• 6:08
  whole
• 6:08
  lives
• 6:08
  that
• 6:09
  they're
• 6:09
  too
• 6:09
  much,
• 6:10
  they
• 6:11
  have
• 6:11
  been
• 6:11
  told
• 6:11
  they
• 6:11
  are
• 6:12
  too
• 6:12
  emotional,
• 6:12
  they
• 6:12
  have
• 6:13
  been
• 6:13
  told
• 6:13
  they're
• 6:13
  too
• 6:13
  sensitive,
• 6:14
  they
• 6:14
  have
• 6:15
  been
• 6:15
  told
• 6:15
  to
• 6:15
  Toughen
• 6:16
  up.
• 6:17
  And
• 6:18
  a
• 6:18
  lot
• 6:18
  of
• 6:19
  times
• 6:19
  our
• 6:20
  sensitivity
• 6:22
  makes
• 6:23
  mistreatment
• 6:24
  very
• 6:24
  difficult
• 6:24
  on
• 6:24
  us.
• 6:25
  We
• 6:26
  have
• 6:26
  a
• 6:26
  hard
• 6:26
  time
• 6:27
  bouncing
• 6:27
  up
• 6:27
  from
• 6:27
  it.
• 6:28
  We
• 6:28
  personalize
• 6:29
  it,
• 6:29
  we
• 6:29
  internalize
• 6:30
  it.
• 6:31
  So
• 6:31
  what
• 6:31
  happens
• 6:31
  is
• 6:32
  when
• 6:32
  we're
• 6:32
  out
• 6:32
  in
• 6:32
  the
• 6:32
  world
• 6:33
  and
• 6:33
  it's
• 6:33
  being
• 6:33
  reflected
• 6:34
  back
• 6:34
  to
• 6:34
  us,
• 6:35
  that
• 6:35
  somebody
• 6:35
  doesn't
• 6:35
  like
• 6:36
  something
• 6:36
  that
• 6:36
  we've
• 6:36
  said
• 6:37
  or
• 6:37
  something
• 6:37
  that
• 6:37
  we've
• 6:37
  done,
• 6:38
  or
• 6:38
  maybe
• 6:38
  this
• 6:38
  has
• 6:39
  happened
• 6:39
  in
• 6:39
  the
• 6:39
  past
• 6:39
  and
• 6:40
  somebody
• 6:40
  has
• 6:40
  actually
• 6:40
  mistreated
• 6:41
  us.
• 6:41
  Because
• 6:42
  of
• 6:42
  something
• 6:42
  like
• 6:42
  this,
• 6:43
  we
• 6:43
  learn
• 6:44
  to
• 6:44
  override
• 6:45
  ourselves.
• 6:47
  We
• 6:47
  are
• 6:47
  so
• 6:48
  good
• 6:48
  at
• 6:49
  managing
• 6:49
  everyone
• 6:50
  else
• 6:51
  that
• 6:51
  we
• 6:51
  honestly
• 6:52
  forget
• 6:52
  that
• 6:52
  we.
• 6:52
  We
• 6:53
  were
• 6:54
  doing
• 6:54
  it.
• 6:55
  We
• 6:55
  are
• 6:56
  so
• 6:56
  good
• 6:56
  at
• 6:56
  it,
• 6:56
  we
• 6:56
  don't
• 6:57
  even
• 6:57
  know
• 6:57
  we're
• 6:57
  doing
• 6:57
  it.
• 6:59
  Our
• 6:59
  brains
• 7:00
  essentially
• 7:00
  have
• 7:01
  been
• 7:01
  programmed
• 7:02
  to
• 7:02
  learn
• 7:03
  that
• 7:03
  other
• 7:04
  people's
• 7:04
  needs
• 7:04
  are
• 7:05
  urgent
• 7:06
  and
• 7:06
  that
• 7:07
  our
• 7:07
  own
• 7:07
  needs
• 7:07
  are
• 7:08
  optional.
• 7:10
  So
• 7:10
  what
• 7:11
  happens
• 7:11
  when
• 7:12
  this
• 7:12
  goes
• 7:12
  on
• 7:13
  again
• 7:13
  and
• 7:13
  again
• 7:13
  and
• 7:14
  again
• 7:14
  over
• 7:15
  years
• 7:15
  and
• 7:15
  years
• 7:15
  and
• 7:16
  years
• 7:17
  is
• 7:17
  our
• 7:17
  brain
• 7:18
  doesn't
• 7:18
  even
• 7:18
  offer
• 7:19
  the
• 7:19
  question,
• 7:20
  what
• 7:20
  do
• 7:21
  I
• 7:21
  want?
• 7:22
  It
• 7:22
  skips
• 7:23
  it
• 7:23
  entirely.
• 7:25
  And
• 7:25
  so
• 7:25
  what
• 7:25
  happens
• 7:26
  is
• 7:26
  we
• 7:27
  feel
• 7:27
  lost,
• 7:29
  we
• 7:29
  feel
• 7:29
  purposeless.
• 7:30
  We
• 7:30
  feel
• 7:30
  like
• 7:31
  we're
• 7:31
  going
• 7:31
  through
• 7:31
  the
• 7:31
  motions
• 7:32
  of
• 7:33
  a
• 7:33
  life
• 7:33
  that
• 7:33
  doesn't
• 7:34
  quite
• 7:34
  fit
• 7:35
  and
• 7:35
  we
• 7:36
  can't
• 7:36
  figure
• 7:37
  out
• 7:37
  why.
• 7:38
  And
• 7:38
  I
• 7:39
  need
• 7:39
  you
• 7:39
  to
• 7:39
  know
• 7:40
  that
• 7:41
  this
• 7:41
  is
• 7:42
  why.
• 7:42
  This
• 7:42
  is
• 7:43
  where
• 7:43
  this
• 7:43
  is
• 7:43
  coming
• 7:44
  from.
• 7:46
  A
• 7:46
  fuck
• 7:46
  yes.
• 7:47
  Life
• 7:48
  isn't
• 7:48
  about
• 7:49
  other
• 7:49
  people
• 7:50
  finally
• 7:50
  showing
• 7:51
  up
• 7:51
  differently.
• 7:52
  We
• 7:52
  don't
• 7:52
  need
• 7:53
  that.
• 7:54
  What
• 7:55
  it
• 7:55
  actually
• 7:55
  is,
• 7:55
  is
• 7:55
  it's
• 7:56
  about
• 7:56
  stopping
• 7:56
  the
• 7:57
  whole
• 7:57
  frame.
• 7:59
  It's
• 7:59
  about
• 7:59
  completely
• 8:00
  dismantling
• 8:01
  it.
• 8:02
  The
• 8:02
  one
• 8:02
  where
• 8:03
  we
• 8:03
  revolve
• 8:04
  entirely
• 8:04
  around
• 8:05
  everyone
• 8:06
  else's
• 8:06
  actions
• 8:06
  and
• 8:07
  reactions.
• 8:09
  And
• 8:09
  we
• 8:09
  must
• 8:10
  learn
• 8:10
  that
• 8:10
  skill.
• 8:12
  And
• 8:12
  here's
• 8:12
  the
• 8:12
  hard
• 8:13
  part,
• 8:13
  in
• 8:14
  all
• 8:14
  honesty,
• 8:15
  is
• 8:15
  that
• 8:15
  it's
• 8:16
  going
• 8:16
  to
• 8:16
  feel
• 8:17
  wrong
• 8:17
  at
• 8:17
  first
• 8:18
  to
• 8:18
  do
• 8:18
  this.
• 8:18
  It's
• 8:19
  going
• 8:19
  to
• 8:19
  feel
• 8:19
  like
• 8:19
  you're
• 8:20
  doing
• 8:20
  something
• 8:20
  wrong.
• 8:21
  Your
• 8:22
  brain
• 8:22
  is
• 8:22
  going
• 8:23
  to
• 8:23
  call
• 8:23
  it
• 8:23
  selfish.
• 8:25
  Your
• 8:25
  brain
• 8:25
  is
• 8:25
  going
• 8:25
  to
• 8:26
  say
• 8:26
  that
• 8:26
  you're
• 8:26
  making
• 8:26
  things
• 8:27
  harder.
• 8:28
  It's
• 8:28
  not
• 8:29
  going
• 8:29
  to
• 8:29
  like
• 8:29
  it
• 8:29
  at
• 8:29
  all.
• 8:29
  It's
• 8:30
  going
• 8:30
  to
• 8:30
  say
• 8:30
  that
• 8:30
  other
• 8:30
  people
• 8:31
  aren't
• 8:31
  going
• 8:31
  to
• 8:31
  like
• 8:31
  you,
• 8:32
  that
• 8:32
  you're
• 8:33
  going
• 8:33
  to
• 8:33
  be
• 8:33
  alone,
• 8:34
  that
• 8:34
  this
• 8:34
  isn't
• 8:34
  appropriate,
• 8:35
  that
• 8:35
  we're
• 8:36
  supposed
• 8:36
  to
• 8:36
  be
• 8:36
  kind,
• 8:37
  that
• 8:37
  we're
• 8:37
  supposed
• 8:37
  to
• 8:37
  be
• 8:38
  giving,
• 8:38
  that
• 8:38
  we're
• 8:38
  supposed
• 8:39
  to
• 8:39
  care
• 8:39
  about
• 8:39
  what
• 8:40
  other
• 8:40
  people
• 8:40
  think.
• 8:41
  But
• 8:41
  the
• 8:42
  truth
• 8:42
  is
• 8:42
  that
• 8:43
  guilt
• 8:43
  isn't
• 8:43
  telling
• 8:44
  you
• 8:45
  the
• 8:45
  facts.
• 8:47
  The
• 8:47
  feeling
• 8:47
  of
• 8:48
  the
• 8:48
  wrongness,
• 8:49
  of
• 8:50
  really
• 8:51
  deciding.
• 8:51
  I'm
• 8:52
  going
• 8:52
  to
• 8:52
  change
• 8:53
  how
• 8:53
  I
• 8:54
  approach
• 8:55
  my
• 8:55
  life,
• 8:56
  myself,
• 8:56
  my
• 8:57
  relationships.
• 8:58
  And
• 8:58
  it's
• 8:58
  going
• 8:58
  to
• 8:59
  start
• 8:59
  with
• 8:59
  caring
• 9:00
  about
• 9:00
  what
• 9:00
  I
• 9:01
  want.
• 9:02
  That
• 9:02
  feeling
• 9:03
  of
• 9:03
  wrongness
• 9:03
  is
• 9:04
  just
• 9:04
  how
• 9:04
  Unfamiliar
• 9:05
  feels.
• 9:06
  It's
• 9:06
  not
• 9:07
  a
• 9:07
  sign
• 9:07
  that
• 9:08
  you're
• 9:08
  doing
• 9:08
  it
• 9:08
  wrong.
• 9:09
  It's
• 9:09
  not
• 9:09
  a
• 9:09
  sign
• 9:10
  that
• 9:10
  you
• 9:10
  shouldn't
• 9:10
  be
• 9:11
  doing
• 9:11
  it.
• 9:11
  It's
• 9:12
  a
• 9:12
  sign
• 9:12
  that
• 9:12
  you're
• 9:13
  something
• 9:13
  new.
• 9:15
  If
• 9:15
  you
• 9:15
  think
• 9:15
  about
• 9:16
  muscle
• 9:16
  memory,
• 9:17
  right?
• 9:17
  If
• 9:18
  you
• 9:18
  drive
• 9:18
  the
• 9:18
  same
• 9:18
  way
• 9:19
  to
• 9:19
  your
• 9:19
  house
• 9:19
  every
• 9:20
  day
• 9:20
  from
• 9:20
  work
• 9:20
  for
• 9:21
  five
• 9:21
  years,
• 9:23
  when
• 9:23
  you
• 9:23
  move
• 9:24
  houses
• 9:24
  and
• 9:24
  you
• 9:25
  go
• 9:25
  to
• 9:25
  drive
• 9:26
  to
• 9:26
  a
• 9:26
  new
• 9:26
  house,
• 9:27
  lots
• 9:28
  of
• 9:28
  times
• 9:28
  you'll
• 9:28
  find
• 9:28
  yourself
• 9:29
  driving
• 9:29
  to
• 9:30
  the
• 9:30
  old
• 9:30
  house.
• 9:30
  It
• 9:31
  will
• 9:31
  feel
• 9:31
  unfamiliar,
• 9:32
  disconnected,
• 9:33
  weird
• 9:34
  to
• 9:34
  drive
• 9:34
  to
• 9:34
  the
• 9:35
  new
• 9:35
  house.
• 9:35
  Does
• 9:35
  that
• 9:35
  mean
• 9:35
  that
• 9:36
  you
• 9:36
  don't
• 9:36
  want
• 9:36
  to
• 9:36
  go
• 9:36
  to
• 9:36
  the
• 9:37
  new
• 9:37
  house?
• 9:38
  Of
• 9:38
  course
• 9:38
  not.
• 9:42
  The
• 9:42
  question
• 9:43
  that
• 9:43
  I
• 9:43
  feel
• 9:45
  starts
• 9:45
  everything
• 9:46
  is
• 9:47
  when
• 9:47
  was
• 9:47
  the
• 9:48
  last
• 9:48
  time
• 9:49
  you
• 9:49
  actually
• 9:50
  took
• 9:50
  care
• 9:51
  of
• 9:51
  your
• 9:51
  own
• 9:52
  needs
• 9:53
  and
• 9:53
  wants?
• 9:56
  Not
• 9:56
  just
• 9:56
  food
• 9:57
  and
• 9:57
  water
• 9:57
  and
• 9:58
  sleep,
• 9:59
  but
• 9:59
  something
• 10:00
  that
• 10:00
  is
• 10:01
  fun,
• 10:01
  something
• 10:02
  that
• 10:02
  is
• 10:02
  frivolous,
• 10:03
  or
• 10:03
  maybe
• 10:04
  even
• 10:04
  something
• 10:04
  that
• 10:04
  is
• 10:05
  hard,
• 10:06
  that
• 10:06
  other
• 10:06
  people
• 10:06
  disagreed
• 10:07
  with,
• 10:07
  and
• 10:07
  you
• 10:08
  did
• 10:08
  it
• 10:08
  anyways.
• 10:10
  When
• 10:10
  was
• 10:10
  the
• 10:10
  last
• 10:11
  time
• 10:11
  you
• 10:11
  did
• 10:11
  that?
• 10:13
  Or
• 10:13
  have
• 10:13
  you
• 10:14
  ever
• 10:14
  done
• 10:14
  that?
• 10:18
  For
• 10:18
  myself,
• 10:18
  you
• 10:19
  know,
• 10:19
  I
• 10:19
  remember
• 10:19
  when
• 10:20
  I
• 10:20
  moved
• 10:20
  here,
• 10:20
  so
• 10:21
  I
• 10:21
  live
• 10:21
  in
• 10:21
  Kamloops,
• 10:22
  British
• 10:22
  Columbia,
• 10:22
  in
• 10:23
  Canada.
• 10:23
  We
• 10:24
  moved
• 10:24
  here
• 10:24
  in
• 10:24
  2020,
• 10:26
  and
• 10:27
  it
• 10:27
  was
• 10:27
  a
• 10:27
  selfish
• 10:28
  move.
• 10:30
  I
• 10:30
  had
• 10:30
  this
• 10:31
  desire
• 10:31
  to
• 10:32
  live
• 10:32
  in
• 10:32
  the
• 10:32
  mountains
• 10:33
  with
• 10:33
  my
• 10:33
  family,
• 10:34
  to
• 10:34
  have
• 10:34
  a
• 10:34
  different
• 10:35
  lifestyle.
• 10:36
  And
• 10:36
  it
• 10:37
  felt
• 10:37
  in
• 10:38
  opposition
• 10:38
  of
• 10:39
  what
• 10:39
  my
• 10:39
  family
• 10:40
  would
• 10:40
  want
• 10:40
  and
• 10:40
  of
• 10:41
  what
• 10:41
  my
• 10:41
  friends
• 10:41
  would
• 10:41
  want.
• 10:42
  And
• 10:42
  also,
• 10:42
  I
• 10:42
  didn't
• 10:42
  know
• 10:43
  how
• 10:43
  we
• 10:43
  would
• 10:43
  do
• 10:43
  it
• 10:43
  or
• 10:44
  what
• 10:44
  that
• 10:44
  would
• 10:44
  look
• 10:44
  like.
• 10:45
  But
• 10:46
  what
• 10:46
  I
• 10:46
  will
• 10:46
  tell
• 10:46
  you
• 10:46
  is
• 10:47
  that
• 10:47
  that
• 10:47
  unfamiliarness
• 10:48
  turned
• 10:48
  into
• 10:49
  adventure
• 10:49
  and
• 10:50
  that
• 10:50
  adventure
• 10:51
  has
• 10:51
  turned
• 10:51
  into
• 10:51
  a
• 10:51
  life
• 10:52
  I
• 10:52
  deeply
• 10:53
  love.
• 10:55
  We
• 10:55
  can
• 10:55
  do
• 10:55
  fun
• 10:56
  things,
• 10:56
  we
• 10:56
  can
• 10:56
  do
• 10:56
  different
• 10:57
  things.
• 10:57
  We
• 10:57
  can
• 10:57
  do
• 10:57
  frivolous
• 10:58
  things.
• 10:58
  All
• 10:58
  of
• 10:59
  them
• 10:59
  are
• 10:59
  needs,
• 10:59
  in
• 11:00
  my
• 11:00
  opinion.
• 11:02
  Sometimes
• 11:02
  I
• 11:02
  think
• 11:02
  as
• 11:03
  women,
• 11:03
  we
• 11:03
  are
• 11:03
  told
• 11:04
  that
• 11:05
  our
• 11:05
  need
• 11:05
  for
• 11:05
  beauty
• 11:06
  or
• 11:07
  fun
• 11:07
  or
• 11:07
  lightness
• 11:09
  or
• 11:10
  pleasure,
• 11:10
  that
• 11:10
  those
• 11:11
  aren't
• 11:11
  needs.
• 11:11
  What
• 11:11
  I
• 11:11
  need
• 11:12
  you
• 11:12
  to
• 11:12
  know
• 11:12
  is
• 11:12
  they
• 11:12
  are
• 11:12
  needs.
• 11:14
  They're
• 11:14
  needs.
• 11:15
  And
• 11:15
  they
• 11:15
  need
• 11:15
  to
• 11:15
  be
• 11:15
  elevated.
• 11:16
  They're
• 11:16
  being
• 11:16
  treated
• 11:17
  as
• 11:17
  afterthoughts.
• 11:19
  So
• 11:20
  let's
• 11:21
  talk
• 11:21
  about
• 11:21
  what
• 11:22
  making
• 11:22
  yourself
• 11:23
  a
• 11:23
  fuck
• 11:23
  yes
• 11:24
  actually
• 11:24
  looks
• 11:24
  like.
• 11:25
  Because
• 11:25
  what
• 11:26
  I
• 11:26
  believe
• 11:27
  I've
• 11:27
  shown
• 11:27
  you
• 11:27
  here
• 11:27
  is
• 11:28
  that
• 11:28
  probably
• 11:28
  for
• 11:29
  a
• 11:29
  long
• 11:29
  period
• 11:29
  in
• 11:30
  your
• 11:30
  life,
• 11:31
  you
• 11:32
  haven't
• 11:32
  been
• 11:32
  one
• 11:34
  and
• 11:34
  you're
• 11:34
  waiting
• 11:35
  for
• 11:35
  somebody
• 11:35
  to
• 11:36
  give
• 11:36
  you
• 11:36
  permission.
• 11:36
  You're
• 11:37
  waiting
• 11:37
  for
• 11:37
  somebody
• 11:37
  to
• 11:38
  say
• 11:38
  it's
• 11:38
  okay.
• 11:38
  You're
• 11:39
  waiting
• 11:39
  for
• 11:39
  someone
• 11:39
  to
• 11:40
  give
• 11:40
  it
• 11:41
  to
• 11:41
  you,
• 11:41
  but
• 11:42
  you
• 11:42
  actually
• 11:42
  have
• 11:43
  to
• 11:43
  take
• 11:43
  it.
• 11:45
  What
• 11:45
  making
• 11:45
  yourself
• 11:46
  a
• 11:46
  fuck
• 11:46
  yes
• 11:47
  actually
• 11:47
  looks
• 11:47
  like
• 11:48
  is
• 11:49
  not.
• 11:49
  It's
• 11:50
  not
• 11:50
  a
• 11:50
  big
• 11:50
  dramatic
• 11:51
  life
• 11:52
  overhaul.
• 11:53
  You
• 11:53
  don't
• 11:53
  need
• 11:53
  to
• 11:53
  become
• 11:54
  a
• 11:54
  different
• 11:54
  person.
• 11:56
  It's
• 11:56
  actually
• 11:57
  just
• 11:57
  asking
• 11:57
  yourself
• 11:58
  what
• 11:58
  you
• 11:58
  actually
• 11:58
  want
• 12:00
  and
• 12:01
  letting
• 12:01
  yourself
• 12:01
  sit
• 12:01
  in
• 12:02
  the
• 12:02
  discomfort
• 12:02
  of
• 12:02
  not
• 12:03
  knowing
• 12:03
  the
• 12:03
  answer.
• 12:05
  It's
• 12:06
  not
• 12:06
  editing
• 12:06
  yourself
• 12:07
  before
• 12:07
  you
• 12:08
  even
• 12:08
  open
• 12:08
  your
• 12:09
  mouth.
• 12:10
  It's
• 12:10
  not
• 12:11
  waiting
• 12:11
  for
• 12:12
  someone
• 12:12
  to
• 12:12
  give
• 12:12
  you
• 12:13
  permission,
• 12:13
  even
• 12:13
  if
• 12:14
  it
• 12:14
  is
• 12:14
  just
• 12:14
  with
• 12:15
  their
• 12:15
  expression.
• 12:16
  It's
• 12:17
  letting
• 12:17
  yourself
• 12:17
  be
• 12:18
  a
• 12:18
  priority.
• 12:19
  It's
• 12:19
  letting
• 12:20
  yourself
• 12:20
  be
• 12:20
  a
• 12:20
  priority
• 12:21
  before
• 12:22
  there's
• 12:22
  a
• 12:22
  crisis
• 12:23
  that
• 12:23
  actually
• 12:24
  forces
• 12:24
  it.
• 12:26
  It's
• 12:26
  deciding
• 12:26
  that
• 12:27
  your
• 12:27
  opinion
• 12:27
  of
• 12:28
  yourself
• 12:29
  is
• 12:29
  the
• 12:29
  one
• 12:30
  that
• 12:30
  counts.
• 12:31
  Not
• 12:31
  your
• 12:32
  mom's,
• 12:32
  not
• 12:33
  your
• 12:33
  partners,
• 12:34
  not
• 12:34
  the
• 12:34
  Internet,
• 12:35
  yours.
• 12:37
  You
• 12:38
  don't
• 12:38
  get
• 12:38
  a
• 12:38
  fuck
• 12:39
  yes
• 12:39
  life
• 12:40
  and
• 12:40
  then
• 12:40
  start
• 12:41
  counting
• 12:42
  on
• 12:42
  yourself.
• 12:44
  Okay,
• 12:45
  it
• 12:45
  goes
• 12:46
  the
• 12:46
  other
• 12:46
  way.
• 12:48
  We
• 12:48
  actually
• 12:48
  need
• 12:49
  to
• 12:49
  make
• 12:49
  ourselves
• 12:50
  a
• 12:50
  fuck
• 12:50
  yes
• 12:51
  to
• 12:52
  be
• 12:52
  able
• 12:52
  to
• 12:52
  create
• 12:53
  that
• 12:53
  fuck
• 12:53
  yes
• 12:53
  life.
• 12:56
  Here
• 12:56
  are
• 12:56
  a
• 12:56
  few
• 12:56
  questions
• 12:57
  for
• 12:57
  you
• 12:57
  that
• 12:57
  you
• 12:58
  could
• 12:58
  answer
• 12:58
  that
• 12:58
  I
• 12:58
  think
• 12:59
  could
• 12:59
  really
• 12:59
  help
• 12:59
  you.
• 12:59
  Number
• 13:00
  one,
• 13:01
  what
• 13:02
  would
• 13:02
  change
• 13:03
  if
• 13:03
  you
• 13:04
  stopped
• 13:04
  waiting
• 13:04
  for
• 13:05
  everyone
• 13:05
  else
• 13:06
  to
• 13:06
  agree
• 13:07
  that
• 13:07
  you
• 13:07
  are
• 13:08
  a
• 13:08
  person
• 13:09
  worthy
• 13:09
  of
• 13:09
  rest
• 13:11
  or
• 13:11
  love
• 13:12
  or
• 13:13
  excitement
• 13:13
  or
• 13:14
  fun?
• 13:17
  What
• 13:17
  would
• 13:17
  you
• 13:17
  do
• 13:18
  more
• 13:18
  of
• 13:18
  if
• 13:18
  you
• 13:19
  didn't
• 13:19
  have
• 13:19
  to
• 13:19
  manage
• 13:20
  everyone's
• 13:21
  reactions
• 13:22
  and
• 13:23
  instead
• 13:23
  could
• 13:24
  just
• 13:24
  be
• 13:24
  with
• 13:25
  yourself
• 13:25
  emotionally
• 13:26
  and
• 13:26
  move
• 13:27
  through
• 13:27
  to
• 13:27
  the
• 13:27
  things
• 13:27
  you
• 13:28
  really
• 13:28
  want
• 13:28
  to
• 13:28
  do?
• 13:30
  What
• 13:30
  is
• 13:30
  one
• 13:31
  thing
• 13:31
  you
• 13:31
  would
• 13:31
  do
• 13:31
  today
• 13:32
  if
• 13:32
  you
• 13:32
  didn't
• 13:32
  have
• 13:33
  to
• 13:33
  worry
• 13:34
  about
• 13:34
  somebody
• 13:34
  else
• 13:35
  being
• 13:35
  mad?
• 13:37
  What
• 13:37
  would
• 13:37
  your
• 13:38
  life
• 13:38
  look
• 13:38
  like
• 13:39
  if
• 13:39
  you
• 13:39
  started
• 13:40
  building
• 13:40
  it
• 13:40
  around
• 13:40
  the
• 13:41
  things
• 13:41
  you
• 13:41
  deeply
• 13:41
  desire
• 13:42
  rather
• 13:43
  than
• 13:43
  what
• 13:43
  other
• 13:44
  people
• 13:44
  supposedly
• 13:45
  need
• 13:45
  to
• 13:46
  be?
• 13:46
  Okay,
• 13:49
  these
• 13:49
  are
• 13:49
  big
• 13:49
  questions
• 13:50
  and
• 13:50
  what
• 13:50
  I
• 13:51
  want
• 13:51
  you
• 13:51
  to
• 13:51
  know
• 13:51
  is
• 13:51
  it
• 13:52
  might
• 13:52
  be
• 13:52
  really
• 13:52
  challenging
• 13:53
  to
• 13:53
  answer
• 13:54
  them,
• 13:54
  but
• 13:55
  it
• 13:55
  doesn't
• 13:55
  mean
• 13:55
  that
• 13:56
  anything's
• 13:56
  gone
• 13:57
  wrong.
• 13:58
  I
• 13:58
  was
• 13:58
  coaching
• 13:59
  several
• 13:59
  clients
• 13:59
  today
• 14:00
  and
• 14:00
  this
• 14:00
  was
• 14:01
  kind
• 14:01
  of
• 14:01
  a
• 14:01
  theme
• 14:02
  that
• 14:02
  we
• 14:02
  were
• 14:03
  discussing
• 14:04
  was
• 14:04
  the
• 14:05
  hyper
• 14:05
  vigilance,
• 14:06
  the
• 14:06
  noticing
• 14:07
  of
• 14:07
  other
• 14:07
  people,
• 14:08
  checking
• 14:08
  to
• 14:09
  see
• 14:09
  if
• 14:09
  they're
• 14:09
  okay,
• 14:10
  checking
• 14:10
  to
• 14:10
  see
• 14:10
  if
• 14:10
  they
• 14:11
  like
• 14:11
  us,
• 14:11
  checking
• 14:12
  to
• 14:12
  see
• 14:12
  if
• 14:12
  they
• 14:12
  feel
• 14:12
  weird
• 14:13
  about
• 14:13
  something
• 14:13
  we've
• 14:14
  said.
• 14:14
  And
• 14:14
  if
• 14:14
  we
• 14:15
  clock
• 14:15
  that
• 14:16
  reaction,
• 14:18
  then
• 14:19
  we
• 14:19
  can
• 14:19
  change
• 14:20
  how
• 14:20
  we
• 14:21
  show
• 14:21
  up.
• 14:22
  The
• 14:22
  thing
• 14:23
  that
• 14:23
  we
• 14:23
  don't
• 14:23
  realize
• 14:24
  when
• 14:24
  we're
• 14:25
  doing
• 14:25
  that
• 14:26
  is
• 14:26
  that
• 14:27
  we
• 14:27
  are
• 14:27
  essentially
• 14:28
  shutting
• 14:29
  ourselves
• 14:29
  down.
• 14:30
  And
• 14:30
  what
• 14:30
  we
• 14:31
  don't
• 14:31
  realize
• 14:31
  is
• 14:31
  that's
• 14:32
  fear.
• 14:33
  All
• 14:33
  that
• 14:33
  is
• 14:33
  is
• 14:34
  fear.
• 14:35
  We
• 14:35
  are
• 14:35
  afraid
• 14:36
  of
• 14:36
  how
• 14:36
  we're
• 14:37
  going
• 14:37
  to
• 14:37
  feel
• 14:37
  if
• 14:38
  the
• 14:38
  other
• 14:38
  person
• 14:39
  rejects
• 14:39
  us.
• 14:41
  So
• 14:41
  we
• 14:41
  will
• 14:41
  instead
• 14:44
  amend
• 14:45
  the
• 14:45
  way
• 14:45
  that
• 14:46
  we
• 14:46
  are
• 14:46
  going
• 14:46
  to
• 14:46
  show
• 14:46
  up
• 14:47
  Now.
• 14:48
  This
• 14:48
  creates
• 14:48
  a
• 14:48
  whole
• 14:48
  lot
• 14:49
  of
• 14:49
  dissonance
• 14:49
  because
• 14:50
  we'll
• 14:50
  do
• 14:50
  that
• 14:51
  in
• 14:51
  the
• 14:51
  presence
• 14:51
  of
• 14:51
  that
• 14:52
  person
• 14:53
  and
• 14:53
  then
• 14:53
  we
• 14:53
  will
• 14:53
  be
• 14:54
  frustrated
• 14:54
  because
• 14:55
  we
• 14:55
  didn't
• 14:55
  speak
• 14:55
  up.
• 14:55
  And
• 14:56
  then
• 14:56
  a
• 14:56
  lot
• 14:56
  of
• 14:56
  times
• 14:57
  what
• 14:57
  we
• 14:57
  will
• 14:57
  do
• 14:58
  is
• 14:58
  we
• 14:58
  will
• 14:59
  make
• 14:59
  it
• 14:59
  their
• 15:00
  fault.
• 15:01
  Well,
• 15:01
  you
• 15:02
  don't
• 15:02
  ask
• 15:02
  me
• 15:02
  what
• 15:02
  I
• 15:02
  want.
• 15:03
  You
• 15:03
  don't
• 15:03
  ask
• 15:03
  me
• 15:04
  what
• 15:04
  I
• 15:04
  need.
• 15:04
  You
• 15:04
  interrupted
• 15:05
  me
• 15:05
  when
• 15:05
  I
• 15:06
  was
• 15:06
  speaking.
• 15:07
  But
• 15:07
  the
• 15:07
  truth
• 15:08
  is,
• 15:08
  actually,
• 15:10
  if
• 15:10
  you
• 15:10
  believed
• 15:11
  that
• 15:12
  you
• 15:12
  were
• 15:12
  worthy
• 15:12
  of
• 15:13
  attention
• 15:14
  and
• 15:14
  respect
• 15:14
  and
• 15:15
  love
• 15:16
  and
• 15:16
  that
• 15:16
  the
• 15:17
  other
• 15:17
  person
• 15:17
  wants
• 15:18
  to
• 15:18
  be
• 15:18
  there
• 15:18
  with
• 15:18
  you
• 15:19
  and
• 15:19
  actually,
• 15:20
  really
• 15:20
  and
• 15:21
  truly
• 15:21
  is
• 15:21
  interested
• 15:22
  in
• 15:22
  you
• 15:22
  because
• 15:22
  they
• 15:23
  are
• 15:23
  there
• 15:24
  and
• 15:24
  you
• 15:25
  believe
• 15:25
  that
• 15:25
  you
• 15:26
  were
• 15:26
  worthy
• 15:26
  of
• 15:27
  all
• 15:27
  of
• 15:27
  those
• 15:27
  things,
• 15:29
  you
• 15:29
  would
• 15:29
  show
• 15:29
  up
• 15:30
  differently.
• 15:32
  You,
• 15:33
  if
• 15:33
  you
• 15:33
  believe
• 15:33
  that
• 15:34
  you
• 15:34
  were
• 15:34
  a
• 15:34
  fuck,
• 15:35
  yes.
• 15:36
  You're
• 15:36
  not
• 15:36
  defending
• 15:37
  that,
• 15:38
  you're
• 15:38
  just
• 15:39
  embodying
• 15:39
  it.
• 15:40
  When
• 15:41
  you
• 15:41
  decide
• 15:41
  you're
• 15:41
  a
• 15:41
  fuck,
• 15:42
  yes,
• 15:43
  you
• 15:43
  do
• 15:44
  not
• 15:44
  need
• 15:44
  to
• 15:44
  prove
• 15:45
  yourself
• 15:45
  to
• 15:45
  anyone,
• 15:46
  including
• 15:47
  yourself.
• 15:47
  You
• 15:47
  don't
• 15:48
  need
• 15:48
  to
• 15:48
  prove
• 15:48
  yourself
• 15:48
  because
• 15:49
  none
• 15:49
  of
• 15:49
  this
• 15:49
  needs
• 15:49
  to
• 15:50
  be
• 15:50
  proven.
• 15:52
  The
• 15:52
  truth
• 15:52
  is,
• 15:53
  is
• 15:53
  that
• 15:53
  when
• 15:53
  we
• 15:54
  can
• 15:54
  lean
• 15:54
  in
• 15:55
  to
• 15:55
  our
• 15:55
  lovability,
• 15:56
  our
• 15:57
  worth,
• 15:58
  our
• 15:58
  ability
• 15:58
  to
• 15:59
  be
• 15:59
  present,
• 15:59
  if
• 16:00
  we
• 16:00
  can
• 16:00
  lean
• 16:00
  into
• 16:01
  I
• 16:02
  am
• 16:03
  an
• 16:03
  amazing,
• 16:04
  awesome,
• 16:05
  flawed,
• 16:05
  incredible,
• 16:07
  imperfect
• 16:07
  human
• 16:09
  and
• 16:09
  show
• 16:09
  up
• 16:10
  as
• 16:10
  that
• 16:10
  version
• 16:10
  of
• 16:10
  ourselves,
• 16:12
  you
• 16:12
  will
• 16:12
  ask
• 16:12
  for
• 16:13
  what
• 16:13
  you
• 16:13
  want.
• 16:14
  You
• 16:14
  will
• 16:14
  ask
• 16:14
  for
• 16:15
  what
• 16:15
  you
• 16:15
  need.
• 16:16
  But
• 16:16
  when
• 16:16
  we
• 16:17
  deny
• 16:17
  that
• 16:17
  from
• 16:18
  ourselves,
• 16:18
  when
• 16:18
  we
• 16:19
  tell
• 16:19
  ourselves
• 16:19
  that
• 16:19
  we're
• 16:20
  not
• 16:20
  worthy
• 16:20
  of
• 16:20
  what
• 16:20
  we
• 16:21
  want
• 16:21
  or
• 16:21
  that
• 16:21
  the
• 16:22
  world
• 16:22
  needs
• 16:22
  to
• 16:22
  tell
• 16:23
  us
• 16:23
  that
• 16:23
  we
• 16:23
  are
• 16:23
  allowed
• 16:24
  to
• 16:24
  have
• 16:24
  it,
• 16:25
  we
• 16:25
  will
• 16:26
  tiptoe
• 16:26
  around
• 16:28
  and
• 16:28
  then
• 16:28
  at
• 16:28
  the
• 16:28
  same
• 16:28
  time
• 16:29
  we'll
• 16:29
  be
• 16:29
  this
• 16:29
  reactive
• 16:30
  animal
• 16:31
  inside
• 16:31
  of
• 16:31
  it
• 16:31
  as
• 16:31
  well.
• 16:33
  Angry,
• 16:33
  defensive,
• 16:35
  lashing
• 16:36
  out,
• 16:36
  shutting
• 16:37
  down,
• 16:37
  being
• 16:37
  passive
• 16:38
  aggressive.
• 16:39
  What
• 16:39
  are
• 16:39
  those
• 16:39
  things?
• 16:40
  They're
• 16:40
  reactions.
• 16:41
  We're
• 16:41
  simply
• 16:42
  reacting
• 16:42
  to
• 16:42
  what's
• 16:43
  going
• 16:43
  on
• 16:43
  in
• 16:43
  our
• 16:43
  life
• 16:43
  and
• 16:44
  the
• 16:44
  way
• 16:44
  that
• 16:44
  we're
• 16:44
  experiencing
• 16:45
  it.
• 16:46
  But
• 16:46
  the
• 16:46
  truth
• 16:47
  is,
• 16:47
  it's
• 16:48
  because
• 16:49
  we
• 16:49
  have,
• 16:49
  without
• 16:50
  even
• 16:50
  realizing
• 16:51
  it,
• 16:51
  erected
• 16:52
  a
• 16:52
  filter.
• 16:54
  If
• 16:54
  you
• 16:54
  think
• 16:55
  about
• 16:55
  putting
• 16:55
  a
• 16:55
  filter
• 16:56
  over
• 16:56
  a
• 16:56
  light,
• 16:56
  it
• 16:57
  changes
• 16:57
  how
• 16:57
  we
• 16:57
  see
• 16:58
  everything.
• 16:58
  This
• 16:58
  is
• 16:59
  the
• 16:59
  filter.
• 16:59
  The
• 16:59
  filter
• 16:59
  of
• 17:00
  I'm
• 17:00
  not
• 17:00
  enough.
• 17:01
  The
• 17:01
  filter
• 17:01
  of
• 17:01
  I'm
• 17:02
  unlovable.
• 17:02
  The
• 17:02
  filter
• 17:03
  of
• 17:03
  I
• 17:03
  need
• 17:04
  other
• 17:04
  people
• 17:04
  to
• 17:05
  show
• 17:05
  me
• 17:05
  that
• 17:06
  I'm
• 17:06
  allowed
• 17:06
  to
• 17:06
  speak
• 17:07
  up
• 17:07
  before
• 17:07
  I
• 17:07
  can.
• 17:07
  The
• 17:08
  filter
• 17:08
  of
• 17:09
  I
• 17:09
  need
• 17:09
  somebody
• 17:10
  else
• 17:10
  to
• 17:10
  meet
• 17:10
  my
• 17:11
  needs.
• 17:11
  The
• 17:12
  filter
• 17:12
  of
• 17:12
  if
• 17:12
  you
• 17:13
  don't
• 17:13
  meet
• 17:13
  them
• 17:13
  without
• 17:13
  me
• 17:14
  asking,
• 17:14
  then
• 17:14
  something's
• 17:15
  gone
• 17:15
  wrong
• 17:16
  that
• 17:16
  shouldn't
• 17:16
  happen.
• 17:17
  I
• 17:18
  was
• 17:18
  joking
• 17:18
  with
• 17:18
  a
• 17:18
  client
• 17:19
  today
• 17:20
  that,
• 17:20
  you
• 17:20
  know,
• 17:20
  when
• 17:21
  we're
• 17:21
  in
• 17:21
  a
• 17:21
  relationship
• 17:21
  with
• 17:22
  somebody
• 17:23
  and
• 17:24
  we
• 17:24
  decide
• 17:25
  that
• 17:25
  we
• 17:26
  really
• 17:26
  want
• 17:26
  something
• 17:27
  from
• 17:27
  them,
• 17:28
  but
• 17:28
  then
• 17:28
  what
• 17:28
  we
• 17:29
  do
• 17:29
  is
• 17:29
  we
• 17:30
  write
• 17:30
  it
• 17:30
  in
• 17:30
  invisible
• 17:31
  ink
• 17:32
  and
• 17:32
  then
• 17:32
  we
• 17:33
  hide
• 17:33
  the
• 17:33
  key
• 17:33
  somewhere
• 17:34
  around
• 17:34
  the
• 17:34
  house
• 17:35
  and
• 17:36
  we
• 17:36
  don't
• 17:36
  even
• 17:36
  tell
• 17:36
  them
• 17:36
  that
• 17:37
  that's
• 17:37
  even
• 17:38
  in
• 17:38
  existence
• 17:39
  and
• 17:39
  they
• 17:40
  don't
• 17:40
  do
• 17:40
  it.
• 17:40
  And
• 17:40
  if
• 17:40
  they
• 17:40
  don't
• 17:41
  do
• 17:41
  it,
• 17:41
  that
• 17:41
  means
• 17:41
  that
• 17:42
  they
• 17:42
  don't
• 17:42
  love
• 17:42
  us.
• 17:44
  What
• 17:44
  is
• 17:44
  the
• 17:45
  purpose
• 17:45
  of
• 17:45
  that
• 17:47
  versus
• 17:48
  what
• 17:48
  if
• 17:48
  you
• 17:48
  just
• 17:48
  wrote
• 17:49
  it
• 17:49
  out?
• 17:50
  What
• 17:50
  if
• 17:50
  you
• 17:51
  just
• 17:51
  said
• 17:51
  it
• 17:51
  out
• 17:51
  loud?
• 17:52
  What
• 17:53
  if
• 17:53
  you
• 17:53
  understood
• 17:53
  that
• 17:54
  I
• 17:54
  am
• 17:55
  worthy
• 17:55
  and
• 17:55
  lovable
• 17:56
  and
• 17:56
  an
• 17:57
  amazing
• 17:57
  human?
• 17:58
  And
• 17:59
  so
• 18:00
  I
• 18:00
  know
• 18:00
  that
• 18:00
  you
• 18:00
  think
• 18:01
  that
• 18:01
  about
• 18:01
  me
• 18:01
  too.
• 18:02
  I'm
• 18:02
  going
• 18:02
  to
• 18:02
  lead
• 18:02
  with
• 18:03
  that
• 18:03
  so
• 18:03
  I
• 18:03
  can
• 18:03
  show
• 18:03
  up
• 18:04
  just
• 18:04
  with
• 18:05
  love
• 18:05
  and
• 18:05
  warmth
• 18:06
  and
• 18:06
  openness.
• 18:07
  What
• 18:08
  will
• 18:08
  that
• 18:08
  create?
• 18:08
  Well,
• 18:09
  you're
• 18:09
  giving
• 18:09
  them
• 18:09
  a
• 18:10
  roadmap.
• 18:12
  They're
• 18:12
  giving
• 18:12
  you.
• 18:12
  You're
• 18:13
  giving
• 18:13
  them
• 18:13
  a
• 18:13
  roadmap
• 18:14
  of
• 18:14
  how
• 18:14
  you
• 18:14
  would
• 18:14
  like
• 18:15
  to
• 18:15
  be
• 18:15
  treated.
• 18:15
  And
• 18:15
  then
• 18:17
  more
• 18:17
  than
• 18:18
  likely,
• 18:18
  a
• 18:19
  lot
• 18:19
  of
• 18:19
  the
• 18:19
  times
• 18:20
  the
• 18:20
  people
• 18:20
  that
• 18:20
  we
• 18:20
  have
• 18:20
  in
• 18:21
  our
• 18:21
  life
• 18:21
  will
• 18:21
  rise
• 18:22
  up.
• 18:23
  Now,
• 18:23
  sometimes
• 18:23
  they
• 18:24
  won't.
• 18:24
  And
• 18:24
  maybe
• 18:24
  we
• 18:24
  do
• 18:25
  need
• 18:25
  to
• 18:25
  erect
• 18:25
  a
• 18:25
  boundary
• 18:26
  or
• 18:26
  maybe
• 18:26
  we
• 18:26
  do
• 18:27
  need
• 18:27
  to
• 18:27
  break
• 18:27
  up
• 18:27
  or
• 18:27
  whatever
• 18:28
  it
• 18:28
  is.
• 18:29
  But
• 18:29
  what
• 18:29
  I
• 18:29
  find
• 18:30
  is
• 18:30
  too
• 18:30
  often
• 18:31
  when
• 18:31
  we
• 18:32
  don't
• 18:32
  have
• 18:32
  a
• 18:32
  fuck
• 18:32
  yes
• 18:33
  life,
• 18:33
  we're
• 18:33
  looking
• 18:34
  outside
• 18:34
  ourselves
• 18:35
  because
• 18:35
  that's
• 18:35
  what
• 18:35
  we've
• 18:36
  been
• 18:36
  trained
• 18:36
  to
• 18:36
  do.
• 18:37
  And
• 18:37
  the
• 18:38
  real
• 18:38
  work
• 18:38
  is
• 18:38
  learning
• 18:39
  how
• 18:39
  to
• 18:39
  look
• 18:39
  inside
• 18:40
  and
• 18:40
  build
• 18:40
  up
• 18:40
  our
• 18:41
  own
• 18:41
  foundation
• 18:41
  so
• 18:42
  that
• 18:42
  we
• 18:42
  feel
• 18:42
  solid.
• 18:44
  A
• 18:44
  fuck
• 18:44
  yes
• 18:45
  life
• 18:45
  isn't
• 18:45
  problem
• 18:46
  free.
• 18:47
  It's
• 18:47
  not
• 18:47
  everyone
• 18:48
  finally
• 18:49
  showing
• 18:49
  up
• 18:49
  the
• 18:49
  way
• 18:49
  you
• 18:49
  need
• 18:50
  them
• 18:50
  to.
• 18:51
  It's
• 18:51
  learning
• 18:51
  how
• 18:52
  to
• 18:52
  truly
• 18:53
  show
• 18:53
  up
• 18:53
  for
• 18:53
  yourself
• 18:54
  finally.
• 18:55
  And
• 18:56
  that's
• 18:56
  what
• 18:56
  is
• 18:57
  going
• 18:57
  to
• 18:57
  change
• 18:58
  everything.
• 18:59
  So,
• 19:00
  my
• 19:00
  friend,
• 19:00
  if
• 19:01
  this
• 19:01
  speaks
• 19:01
  to
• 19:01
  you,
• 19:01
  if
• 19:02
  it's
• 19:02
  turned
• 19:02
  on
• 19:02
  the
• 19:02
  light
• 19:03
  bulb,
• 19:03
  if
• 19:03
  you're
• 19:03
  like,
• 19:03
  oh
• 19:03
  my
• 19:04
  God,
• 19:04
  yes,
• 19:05
  let's
• 19:05
  get
• 19:05
  on
• 19:06
  the
• 19:06
  discovery
• 19:06
  call.
• 19:07
  You
• 19:07
  can
• 19:07
  go
• 19:07
  over
• 19:08
  to
• 19:08
  amandahest
• 19:09
  ca
• 19:10
  bookacall.
• 19:11
  We
• 19:12
  can
• 19:12
  talk
• 19:12
  about
• 19:12
  this,
• 19:13
  we
• 19:13
  can
• 19:13
  talk
• 19:13
  about
• 19:14
  implementing
• 19:14
  in
• 19:15
  this,
• 19:15
  we
• 19:15
  can
• 19:15
  talk
• 19:16
  about
• 19:16
  implementing
• 19:16
  this
• 19:17
  in
• 19:17
  your
• 19:17
  life.
• 19:18
  I
• 19:18
  promise
• 19:19
  you,
• 19:19
  even
• 19:19
  that
• 19:20
  conversation
• 19:21
  could
• 19:21
  change
• 19:21
  everything.
• 19:22
  Bye
• 19:22
  for
• 19:22
  now.
• 19:26
  Thanks
• 19:26
  so
• 19:26
  much
• 19:26
  for
• 19:26
  listening
• 19:27
  today.
• 19:28
  If
• 19:28
  this
• 19:28
  podcast
• 19:29
  is
• 19:29
  helping
• 19:29
  you,
• 19:29
  please
• 19:30
  follow
• 19:30
  wherever
• 19:31
  you
• 19:31
  listen
• 19:31
  and
• 19:32
  consider
• 19:32
  leaving
• 19:32
  a
• 19:32
  review.
• 19:33
  It
• 19:33
  truly
• 19:34
  helps
• 19:34
  this
• 19:34
  community
• 19:35
  grow
• 19:35
  and
• 19:35
  allows
• 19:36
  me
• 19:36
  to
• 19:36
  support
• 19:37
  more
• 19:37
  women
• 19:38
  like
• 19:38
  you.
• 19:39
  I'm
• 19:39
  excited
• 19:40
  to
• 19:40
  see
• 19:40
  you
• 19:40
  back
• 19:40
  here
• 19:41
  next
• 19:41
  week
• 19:41
  with
• 19:41
  a
• 19:42
  brand
• 19:42
  new
• 19:42
  episode.
• 19:43
  Until
• 19:43
  then,
• 19:44
  take
• 19:44
  care,
• 19:45
  friend.