Latest / Confident and Empowered Women / Overthinking But You’re the X Factor | EP 324

Transcript

Overthinking But You’re the X Factor | EP 324 · Confident and Empowered Women

• 0:05
  Can we talk about the lie overthinking tells you?
• 0:09
  It tells you it's keeping you safe, that if you just think about it a little longer, run through every single scenario, and have three backup plans just one more time, ask one more person, make one more pros and
• 0:23
  cons list, that you'll finally be prepared enough, protected enough, ready enough to take on what's next.
• 0:32
  When in all actuality, overthinking is a facade.
• 0:36
  It gives you a false sense of security.
• 0:39
  It was sold to you as preparation to give the appearance that you have it all figured out, when really it's just your old identity still on duty.
• 0:50
  Survival mode never got the memo that the war is over, so it's still standing at the door at 2:00 AM doing a head count and checking the locks twice for a threat that isn't even there anymore.
• 1:04
  Well, friend, today I expose overthinking for what it is and show you why, whole time, you are the X factor.
• 1:14
  So let's get into it Hey, if you're new here, I'm Letitia, and this is Confident and Empowered Women, where we talk about the stuff you think about at 10 o'clock at night when the house is finally quiet.
• 1:29
  We're having the conversations you may not be having anywhere else.
• 1:33
  So hit subscribe right now so you never miss out Hey, hey, hey, friend.
• 1:40
  Okay, let's be real about how you even got here.
• 1:44
  Somewhere between managing the kids' schedules like Kris Jenner, running a media empire, and jogging from one meeting straight into carpool line with your blazer barely buttoned.
• 1:57
  Listen, you became the one who everything depended on And when everything depends on you, you don't get to be present.
• 2:05
  You have to stay on guard.
• 2:07
  That's it right there.
• 2:09
  That's overthinking.
• 2:11
  It's what on guard looks like when there's no actual emergency to respond to, just a decision about whether to text him back or hit reply all on that email.
• 2:23
  An on guard has a cycle just like your favorite setting on your washing machine.
• 2:30
  Okay, because as adults, you already know we get excited about these kind of things.
• 2:36
  So here's what it actually looks like, and I want you to see where this is showing up for you.
• 2:41
  First, it starts with a trigger.
• 2:44
  A decision shows up.
• 2:45
  It could be big, small, it doesn't even matter.
• 2:47
  It could be a new job offer, a hard conversation you've been avoiding, an ex who loves to try and spin the block as soon as they sense you are happy, or maybe it's just what you say back in
• 3:02
  the group chat.
• 3:03
  And then you over-correct.
• 3:06
  You spiral.
• 3:08
  70, 11 browser tabs are currently open, a poll to the group chat, and replaying the conversation you haven't even had yet and asking everyone else for their opinion except for your own, which gives you temporary relief.
• 3:25
  You finally make the safe choice, or you avoid choosing altogether.
• 3:30
  Either way, the pressure drops.
• 3:33
  you breathe, and then you think, "Okay, I survived that."
• 3:37
  the operative word here is survival, okay?
• 3:41
  But here's the plot twist you don't actually trust the decision you made because you didn't make it from self-trust.
• 3:48
  You made it from exhaustion, fear, and worry.
• 3:52
  So the second the next decision shows up, you go right back to the top of the loop The trigger happens and it starts all over again.
• 4:02
  So you see, it was never about indecision.
• 4:06
  It's just a cycle, and it's been running so long, you think it's just who you are.
• 4:12
  So let's put a name to what's happening plainly, because I want you to recognize this when it comes up again, because friend, you already know that it will Contrary to popular belief, you are not trying to find the
• 4:28
  right answer.
• 4:29
  You are gathering proof that you won't be wrong.
• 4:33
  And this is where we insert the GIF of Angela saying, "Boom," in Why Did I Get Married?
• 4:42
  There are two completely different missions that you're trying to run the same play for.
• 4:48
  One is about the decision, the other is about protecting an identity, the one that doesn't mess up, doesn't get caught off guard, doesn't need saving because she will wear herself out trying to do it all on her own.
• 5:06
  Overthinking is how you defend her in real time.
• 5:09
  But friend, she is tired, honey.
• 5:13
  And she was never the truth about you anyway.
• 5:17
  So let's slow this thing down because I can already see your mind racing and putting it all together in your own life.
• 5:25
  That same cycle you go through with your baby daddy, the friend you've outgrown, the coworker you get stuck with for every group project, but you end up doing all the work.
• 5:38
  Or even just raising the kids and being their superwoman.
• 5:43
  Okay?
• 5:44
  Alexa, you better play that Karen White.
• 5:50
  But you're not actually overthinking the decision.
• 5:53
  You're trying to control the outcome Because there's some part of you that believes if I stop controlling it, it's gonna fall apart, and that belief probably made sense once.
• 6:05
  Maybe there was a season in your life where you were the thing holding it all together, where if you didn't think of everybody, nobody did.
• 6:14
  That belief might not be true anymore, but nobody sent your nervous system the update.
• 6:22
  So the shift isn't just to think less because let's face it, that's real cute advice that just doesn't work.
• 6:31
  We've all tried it at 1:00 AM scrolling Instagram trying to think your way out of thinking.
• 6:40
  the real shift is this, trust your capacity to handle whatever shows up instead of needing to engineer the outcome in advance.
• 6:52
  That's a completely different skill than the one that you've been practicing, dare I say, forever I had a client, brilliant woman, the kind of overthinker who could outstrategize a chess grandmaster but never knew what to say in a
• 7:10
  text message.
• 7:11
  And we did the reframe together, overthinking as control, not diligence, not being thorough, control.
• 7:21
  And I asked her, "When's the last time something hard happened that you didn't see coming?"
• 7:28
  She thought about it, and she realized she's never once had a plan for the actual hard things, the layoffs, the breakup, the diagnosis.
• 7:38
  contingenc- none of it came with a contingency plan.
• 7:40
  She just handled it every time.
• 7:42
  And I told her, "You better go check your resume, friend, and not the one on LinkedIn."
• 7:50
  Your actual real-life resume, The one made of every hard thing you've already survived without a script.
• 7:59
  The relief on her face was almost instant because she realized all she ever had to do was remember she's capable of handling whatever comes her way.
• 8:11
  She'd been trying to outplan her life when whole time she was the plan And listen, this one hit close to home for me too, because I live this out as a single mom on duty, okay?
• 8:27
  I'm talking about top flight security of the world, Craig.
• 8:34
  You know that always on everything depending on me.
• 8:38
  And listen, that was not a metaphor.
• 8:41
  That was me on call 24/7, 365 days.
• 8:47
  Basically every day that ended in a Y, okay?
• 8:51
  I remember talking with my coach one day and I just wanted to skip the part where I spiraled or expected somebody to show up or at least do their part and just get right to the part where I
• 9:07
  knew I could depend on me and everything would be okay.
• 9:11
  Because truth be told, I was the proof.
• 9:14
  Proof that I showed up, that I figured it out even when, actually especially when, I didn't have it all mapped out in advance.
• 9:25
  And friend, you are the proof too If this episode found something in you today, I don't want you to just sit with it and let it live in your ears and then disappear by the time you're back in
• 9:41
  the carpool line.
• 9:43
  Grab the Main Character Energy journal prompts.
• 9:46
  They're linked in the show notes.
• 9:47
  This is where you stop replaying that same conversation in the shower every night And start seeing your solutions in your own handwriting, in your own words, clear enough that you can take the next step with confidence knowing you're
• 10:05
  doing exactly what's best for you Okay, friend, and now it's time for our favorite, the self-love two-step with the remix.
• 10:19
  Okay, so let's get into it.
• 10:21
  Step one, notice the grip.
• 10:23
  The next time you catch yourself spiraling on a decision, pause and ask, "Am I trying to think of the right answer, or am I trying to control what happens next?"
• 10:37
  And listen, just naming it loosens it Step two, check your resume.
• 10:43
  Think of one hard thing you survived without a plan for it.
• 10:48
  Let that be your evidence, not motivation, just evidence to remind you of exactly what you're capable of.
• 10:58
  And step three, the you step.
• 11:00
  You get still, you get quiet, and you ask yourself, "What is my heart telling me to do next?"
• 11:08
  Because whatever comes up, that is your next right aligned step.
• 11:13
  Not the whole plan, just the next move.
• 11:16
  And trust her, friend, she already knows Now let me pour into you right quick.
• 11:23
  You are not behind because you haven't figured it all out yet.
• 11:27
  You just might get it wrong, and that's okay because you will always recover and better than ever.
• 11:35
  You were never supposed to have it all figured out in advance.
• 11:39
  That was never the assignment.
• 11:41
  You have survived every single hard thing That has ever come for you, 100% of it.
• 11:49
  Not because you had a plan for everything, because you are resourceful and strong even when you don't wanna be, and even when you feel like your strength don't need to be built any more than it already has.
• 12:05
  Hear me with your whole heart when I say this.
• 12:09
  Something in you knows how to rise even when you didn't know it was in you until you needed it.
• 12:17
  You don't need a tighter grip to control every single variable or to be in constant survival mode.
• 12:25
  You need to remember your own track record.
• 12:28
  You have never once been left without a way through, not once, and you won't be this time either.
• 12:38
  You are not the girl who needs a contingency plan for her whole entire life.
• 12:43
  You are the woman who has always been the contingency plan.
• 12:48
  You are the X factor.
• 12:50
  You always have been, so own it.
• 12:54
  Let go of the grip.
• 12:56
  You got it.
• 12:58
  You've always had you Ooh, friend, now that's what I'm talking about because the whole time you've been the solution.
• 13:07
  This is the part where you trust yourself because you really do know what's best for you, and I couldn't be more proud of you for being here and doing your work today And remember, you deserve to fall in
• 13:23
  love with yourself, your days, and your life.
• 13:27
  Not someday, but right now.
• 13:30
  This conversation, this work that you just showed up for, this is how it happens, one layer at a time And I'm gonna keep showing up for you just as you are showing up with me here.
• 13:44
  Sending you big virtual hugs.
• 13:47
  And no matter what comes your way, together we can encourage over everything, and I'll see you soon