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Note 41: At This Big Age? Absolutely Not. · Notes to Her

• 0:17
  Hey,
• 0:17
  girl.
• 0:17
  Hey.
• 0:17
  Welcome
• 0:18
  back
• 0:18
  to
• 0:18
  Notes
• 0:18
  to
• 0:18
  her,
• 0:19
  the
• 0:19
  daily
• 0:19
  pep
• 0:19
  talk.
• 0:20
  I'm
• 0:20
  Yaya,
• 0:20
  your
• 0:21
  confidence
• 0:21
  and
• 0:21
  mindset
• 0:22
  coach.
• 0:22
  And
• 0:22
  today's
• 0:23
  note
• 0:23
  is
• 0:23
  a
• 0:23
  special
• 0:24
  one.
• 0:25
  As
• 0:25
  my
• 0:25
  birthday
• 0:26
  approaches,
• 0:26
  I
• 0:26
  always
• 0:27
  like
• 0:27
  to
• 0:27
  take
• 0:27
  a
• 0:27
  moment
• 0:28
  to
• 0:28
  reflect.
• 0:29
  I
• 0:29
  like
• 0:29
  to
• 0:29
  look
• 0:29
  at
• 0:30
  what
• 0:30
  I've
• 0:30
  accomplished,
• 0:31
  what
• 0:31
  I've
• 0:31
  survived,
• 0:32
  what
• 0:32
  I've
• 0:33
  released,
• 0:33
  and
• 0:33
  who
• 0:34
  I
• 0:34
  am
• 0:34
  still
• 0:35
  becoming.
• 0:36
  Because
• 0:36
  getting
• 0:36
  older
• 0:37
  isn't
• 0:37
  about
• 0:37
  the
• 0:37
  numbers.
• 0:38
  It's
• 0:38
  about
• 0:38
  clarity.
• 0:39
  It's
• 0:40
  about
• 0:40
  deciding
• 0:41
  what
• 0:41
  you're
• 0:41
  no
• 0:41
  longer
• 0:42
  going
• 0:42
  to
• 0:42
  tolerate,
• 0:43
  what
• 0:43
  you
• 0:43
  finally
• 0:44
  protect,
• 0:44
  and
• 0:45
  the
• 0:45
  peace
• 0:45
  you
• 0:46
  refuse
• 0:46
  to
• 0:47
  negotiate.
• 0:48
  So
• 0:48
  this
• 0:48
  is
• 0:49
  part
• 0:49
  reflection,
• 0:50
  part
• 0:50
  truth
• 0:51
  telling,
• 0:52
  part
• 0:52
  permission
• 0:52
  slip.
• 0:53
  Not
• 0:53
  just
• 0:54
  for
• 0:54
  me,
• 0:54
  but
• 0:55
  for
• 0:55
  you,
• 0:55
  too.
• 0:56
  Because
• 0:56
  if
• 0:56
  you're
• 0:57
  listening
• 0:57
  to
• 0:57
  this
• 0:57
  and
• 0:58
  something
• 0:58
  inside
• 0:58
  you
• 0:58
  feels
• 0:59
  tired
• 1:00
  of
• 1:00
  shrinking,
• 1:01
  tired
• 1:01
  of
• 1:01
  explaining
• 1:02
  yourself,
• 1:03
  tired
• 1:04
  of
• 1:04
  settling.
• 1:05
  Come
• 1:06
  sit
• 1:06
  with
• 1:06
  me.
• 1:17
  Now.
• 1:17
  One
• 1:17
  thing
• 1:18
  getting
• 1:18
  older
• 1:18
  has
• 1:18
  taught
• 1:19
  me
• 1:19
  is
• 1:19
  that
• 1:19
  outgrowing
• 1:20
  yourself
• 1:20
  can
• 1:21
  feel
• 1:21
  terrifying.
• 1:23
  Because
• 1:23
  who
• 1:23
  you
• 1:23
  were
• 1:23
  is
• 1:24
  tied
• 1:24
  to
• 1:24
  places
• 1:25
  and
• 1:25
  people
• 1:25
  and
• 1:26
  habits
• 1:26
  and
• 1:26
  versions
• 1:27
  of
• 1:27
  yourself
• 1:27
  that
• 1:28
  once
• 1:28
  kept
• 1:28
  you
• 1:28
  safe.
• 1:30
  Silence
• 1:30
  protected
• 1:31
  you.
• 1:31
  People
• 1:32
  pleasing
• 1:32
  kept
• 1:32
  the
• 1:33
  peace.
• 1:34
  Settling
• 1:34
  felt
• 1:35
  easier
• 1:35
  sometimes
• 1:35
  than
• 1:36
  starting
• 1:36
  over.
• 1:36
  But
• 1:37
  sometimes
• 1:37
  the
• 1:38
  only
• 1:38
  way
• 1:38
  to
• 1:38
  move
• 1:39
  forward
• 1:39
  is
• 1:39
  to
• 1:39
  become
• 1:40
  someone
• 1:40
  new.
• 1:41
  I
• 1:41
  like
• 1:42
  to
• 1:42
  think
• 1:42
  about
• 1:42
  it
• 1:42
  like
• 1:42
  a
• 1:43
  butterfly.
• 1:44
  Who
• 1:44
  you
• 1:44
  were
• 1:44
  wasn't
• 1:45
  wrong.
• 1:45
  She
• 1:45
  protected
• 1:46
  you.
• 1:47
  She
• 1:47
  got
• 1:47
  through
• 1:47
  what
• 1:47
  you
• 1:48
  needed
• 1:48
  to
• 1:48
  survive.
• 1:50
  But
• 1:50
  eventually,
• 1:50
  staying
• 1:51
  the
• 1:51
  same
• 1:51
  becomes
• 1:52
  more
• 1:52
  painful
• 1:52
  than
• 1:53
  evolving.
• 1:54
  And
• 1:54
  growth
• 1:55
  requires
• 1:55
  detachment
• 1:56
  from
• 1:57
  old
• 1:57
  identities,
• 1:58
  from
• 1:58
  outdated
• 1:58
  relationships,
• 1:59
  from
• 2:00
  versions
• 2:00
  of
• 2:00
  yourself
• 2:01
  that
• 2:01
  no
• 2:01
  longer
• 2:02
  fit.
• 2:03
  Getting
• 2:03
  older
• 2:03
  has
• 2:04
  truly
• 2:04
  taught
• 2:04
  me
• 2:04
  that
• 2:04
  evolution
• 2:05
  isn't
• 2:06
  betrayal.
• 2:06
  It's
• 2:07
  survival.
• 2:07
  Upgraded
• 2:10
  now.
• 2:10
  Another
• 2:10
  thing
• 2:11
  that
• 2:11
  I've
• 2:11
  learned
• 2:11
  is
• 2:12
  waiting.
• 2:12
  To
• 2:12
  feel
• 2:13
  ready
• 2:13
  is
• 2:13
  a
• 2:14
  trap.
• 2:15
  There
• 2:15
  were
• 2:15
  so
• 2:16
  many
• 2:16
  moments
• 2:16
  in
• 2:16
  my
• 2:17
  life
• 2:17
  where
• 2:17
  I
• 2:17
  was
• 2:17
  scared.
• 2:19
  Scared
• 2:19
  to
• 2:19
  try,
• 2:20
  scared
• 2:21
  to
• 2:21
  fail.
• 2:22
  Scared
• 2:23
  to
• 2:23
  want
• 2:23
  more
• 2:24
  and
• 2:24
  not
• 2:24
  get
• 2:24
  it.
• 2:25
  But
• 2:25
  here's
• 2:26
  what
• 2:26
  I
• 2:26
  know
• 2:26
  now.
• 2:27
  Doing
• 2:27
  it
• 2:27
  scared
• 2:28
  still
• 2:29
  counts.
• 2:30
  Not
• 2:30
  everything
• 2:31
  worked
• 2:31
  out.
• 2:32
  Some
• 2:32
  things
• 2:32
  failed.
• 2:33
  Some
• 2:34
  things
• 2:34
  taught
• 2:34
  me
• 2:34
  lessons
• 2:34
  that
• 2:35
  I
• 2:35
  did
• 2:35
  not
• 2:35
  ask
• 2:35
  for
• 2:36
  truthfully.
• 2:37
  But
• 2:37
  every
• 2:38
  time
• 2:38
  I
• 2:38
  showed
• 2:38
  up
• 2:39
  anyway,
• 2:39
  I
• 2:40
  kept
• 2:40
  a
• 2:40
  promise
• 2:40
  to
• 2:40
  myself.
• 2:42
  And
• 2:42
  every
• 2:42
  promise
• 2:43
  that
• 2:43
  you
• 2:44
  keep
• 2:44
  tells
• 2:44
  your
• 2:45
  nervous
• 2:45
  system
• 2:46
  I
• 2:46
  can
• 2:46
  trust
• 2:46
  my
• 2:47
  words.
• 2:48
  Confidence
• 2:48
  doesn't
• 2:49
  come
• 2:49
  from
• 2:49
  perfection.
• 2:50
  It
• 2:50
  comes
• 2:51
  from
• 2:51
  follow
• 2:52
  through.
• 2:54
  Now,
• 2:54
  let
• 2:54
  me
• 2:55
  say
• 2:55
  this
• 2:55
  gently
• 2:56
  but
• 2:57
  honestly.
• 2:58
  In
• 2:59
  my
• 2:59
  20s,
• 3:00
  potential
• 3:00
  was
• 3:01
  cute.
• 3:01
  Potential
• 3:02
  was
• 3:02
  exciting.
• 3:03
  Potential
• 3:04
  was
• 3:04
  hopeful.
• 3:06
  But
• 3:06
  at
• 3:06
  this
• 3:06
  big
• 3:07
  age,
• 3:07
  I
• 3:07
  don't
• 3:08
  date,
• 3:09
  work
• 3:09
  with,
• 3:09
  or
• 3:10
  build
• 3:10
  with
• 3:11
  potential.
• 3:12
  I
• 3:12
  meet
• 3:12
  people
• 3:13
  where
• 3:13
  they
• 3:13
  are.
• 3:14
  I
• 3:14
  need
• 3:15
  emotional
• 3:16
  availability,
• 3:18
  emotional
• 3:19
  intelligence,
• 3:20
  consistency,
• 3:22
  reciprocity,
• 3:24
  consideration.
• 3:26
  I'm
• 3:26
  not
• 3:26
  waiting
• 3:26
  for
• 3:27
  somebody
• 3:27
  to
• 3:27
  become
• 3:28
  who
• 3:28
  they
• 3:28
  could
• 3:29
  be.
• 3:29
  I
• 3:30
  need
• 3:30
  to
• 3:30
  see
• 3:30
  who
• 3:30
  they
• 3:31
  already
• 3:31
  are.
• 3:32
  Because
• 3:33
  peace
• 3:33
  requires
• 3:34
  reality,
• 3:35
  not
• 3:35
  fantasy.
• 3:38
  Now,
• 3:38
  one
• 3:38
  of
• 3:38
  the
• 3:38
  biggest
• 3:39
  gifts
• 3:39
  that
• 3:39
  I've
• 3:40
  given
• 3:40
  to
• 3:40
  myself
• 3:40
  as
• 3:40
  I've
• 3:41
  gotten
• 3:41
  older
• 3:41
  is
• 3:42
  Self
• 3:42
  trust.
• 3:43
  I
• 3:43
  don't
• 3:44
  need
• 3:44
  approval
• 3:44
  before
• 3:45
  making
• 3:46
  decisions
• 3:47
  and
• 3:47
  that
• 3:47
  is
• 3:48
  so
• 3:48
  freeing.
• 3:49
  I
• 3:49
  don't
• 3:50
  crowd
• 3:50
  trust
• 3:50
  my
• 3:50
  worth.
• 3:52
  I
• 3:52
  don't
• 3:52
  explain
• 3:52
  my
• 3:53
  boundaries
• 3:53
  to
• 3:53
  death.
• 3:54
  And
• 3:55
  yes,
• 3:55
  I
• 3:55
  might
• 3:55
  still
• 3:55
  talk
• 3:56
  to
• 3:56
  a
• 3:56
  trusted
• 3:56
  friend.
• 3:56
  I
• 3:57
  might
• 3:57
  talk
• 3:57
  things
• 3:57
  out
• 3:57
  with
• 3:58
  them.
• 3:58
  But
• 3:58
  I'm
• 3:58
  not
• 3:59
  looking
• 3:59
  for
• 3:59
  somebody
• 3:59
  to
• 4:00
  decide
• 4:00
  for
• 4:01
  me.
• 4:02
  Trusting
• 4:02
  myself
• 4:03
  has
• 4:03
  helped
• 4:03
  me
• 4:04
  set
• 4:04
  boundaries
• 4:05
  without
• 4:05
  guilt.
• 4:07
  Protect
• 4:08
  my
• 4:08
  peace,
• 4:10
  walk
• 4:10
  away
• 4:10
  sooner.
• 4:12
  Go
• 4:12
  after
• 4:12
  opportunities,
• 4:14
  even
• 4:14
  if
• 4:14
  they're
• 4:15
  scary.
• 4:16
  Be
• 4:16
  myself
• 4:17
  fully,
• 4:18
  even
• 4:18
  when
• 4:18
  not
• 4:18
  everyone
• 4:19
  likes
• 4:19
  it.
• 4:20
  And
• 4:20
  here's
• 4:21
  the
• 4:21
  thing,
• 4:21
  not
• 4:22
  everyone
• 4:22
  will
• 4:22
  like
• 4:23
  you.
• 4:24
  Some
• 4:24
  people
• 4:25
  will
• 4:25
  misunderstand
• 4:26
  you,
• 4:26
  others
• 4:27
  will
• 4:27
  fall
• 4:27
  away.
• 4:28
  But
• 4:28
  I
• 4:28
  sleep
• 4:29
  well
• 4:29
  at
• 4:29
  night
• 4:29
  knowing
• 4:30
  that
• 4:30
  I
• 4:30
  did
• 4:30
  not
• 4:30
  abandon
• 4:31
  myself
• 4:32
  to
• 4:32
  be
• 4:32
  accepted.
• 4:34
  Getting
• 4:35
  older
• 4:35
  also
• 4:36
  means
• 4:36
  zero
• 4:37
  tolerance
• 4:37
  for
• 4:38
  inconsistency,
• 4:39
  poor
• 4:40
  communication,
• 4:41
  emotional
• 4:42
  unavailability,
• 4:44
  apologies
• 4:45
  without
• 4:45
  change,
• 4:46
  having
• 4:47
  to
• 4:47
  explain
• 4:47
  my
• 4:47
  work
• 4:48
  when
• 4:48
  not
• 4:48
  doing
• 4:48
  that,
• 4:49
  judgment
• 4:50
  disguised
• 4:50
  as
• 4:51
  concern
• 4:52
  and
• 4:52
  victim
• 4:53
  mentality
• 4:53
  with
• 4:54
  no
• 4:54
  accountability.
• 4:56
  If
• 4:56
  you
• 4:56
  disrupt
• 4:57
  my
• 4:57
  peace,
• 4:57
  your
• 4:58
  access
• 4:58
  to
• 4:58
  me
• 4:59
  will
• 4:59
  be
• 4:59
  limited
• 5:00
  or
• 5:00
  revoked.
• 5:01
  Not
• 5:01
  out
• 5:02
  of
• 5:02
  bitterness,
• 5:03
  out
• 5:03
  of
• 5:03
  self
• 5:04
  respect.
• 5:05
  Because
• 5:05
  my
• 5:05
  peace
• 5:06
  truly
• 5:07
  is
• 5:07
  priceless
• 5:08
  and
• 5:09
  boundaries
• 5:09
  are
• 5:10
  how
• 5:10
  I
• 5:10
  protect
• 5:11
  it.
• 5:12
  As
• 5:13
  you
• 5:13
  get
• 5:13
  older,
• 5:14
  I
• 5:14
  hope
• 5:14
  that
• 5:14
  you
• 5:14
  learn
• 5:15
  this
• 5:15
  sooner
• 5:16
  rather
• 5:16
  than
• 5:16
  later.
• 5:18
  Life
• 5:18
  doesn't
• 5:19
  always
• 5:19
  go
• 5:19
  as
• 5:19
  planned,
• 5:20
  and
• 5:20
  that's
• 5:20
  okay.
• 5:22
  But
• 5:22
  never,
• 5:23
  never
• 5:24
  give
• 5:24
  up
• 5:24
  on
• 5:24
  yourself.
• 5:25
  Never
• 5:26
  abandon
• 5:26
  your
• 5:26
  dreams.
• 5:28
  Never
• 5:28
  shrink
• 5:28
  to
• 5:28
  make
• 5:29
  other
• 5:29
  people
• 5:29
  feel
• 5:29
  comfortable.
• 5:30
  Give
• 5:31
  yourself
• 5:31
  grace,
• 5:32
  pause
• 5:33
  when
• 5:33
  you
• 5:33
  need
• 5:33
  to
• 5:34
  re
• 5:35
  evaluate,
• 5:36
  pivot.
• 5:38
  But
• 5:38
  whatever
• 5:38
  you
• 5:39
  do,
• 5:39
  keep
• 5:40
  choosing
• 5:40
  yourself.
• 5:42
  I
• 5:43
  hope
• 5:43
  this
• 5:43
  episode
• 5:43
  serves
• 5:44
  something
• 5:44
  in
• 5:44
  you,
• 5:44
  and
• 5:45
  if
• 5:45
  it
• 5:45
  did,
• 5:45
  I
• 5:45
  hope
• 5:46
  that
• 5:46
  you
• 5:46
  are
• 5:46
  realizing
• 5:47
  that
• 5:47
  you
• 5:47
  want
• 5:47
  stronger
• 5:48
  boundaries,
• 5:49
  deeper
• 5:50
  confidence,
• 5:50
  and
• 5:50
  a
• 5:51
  life
• 5:51
  that
• 5:51
  actually
• 5:52
  feels
• 5:52
  aligned.
• 5:53
  And
• 5:53
  that
• 5:53
  is
• 5:54
  the
• 5:54
  exact
• 5:54
  work
• 5:54
  that
• 5:55
  we
• 5:55
  do
• 5:55
  in
• 5:55
  Journey
• 5:56
  to
• 5:56
  Confidence.
• 5:57
  It's
• 5:57
  for
• 5:57
  the
• 5:57
  woman
• 5:58
  who
• 5:58
  is
• 5:58
  tired
• 5:59
  of
• 5:59
  talking
• 5:59
  herself
• 6:00
  out
• 6:00
  of
• 6:00
  what
• 6:00
  she
• 6:00
  deserves
• 6:01
  and
• 6:02
  ready
• 6:02
  to
• 6:02
  start
• 6:03
  living
• 6:03
  like
• 6:03
  she
• 6:04
  believes
• 6:04
  it.
• 6:05
  The
• 6:05
  link
• 6:05
  is
• 6:05
  in
• 6:05
  the
• 6:06
  show
• 6:06
  notes.
• 6:07
  And
• 6:07
  if
• 6:08
  this
• 6:08
  note
• 6:08
  resonated
• 6:09
  with
• 6:09
  you,
• 6:10
  save
• 6:10
  it.
• 6:10
  Or
• 6:10
  share
• 6:11
  it
• 6:11
  with
• 6:11
  a
• 6:11
  woman
• 6:11
  who's
• 6:12
  ready
• 6:12
  to
• 6:12
  raise
• 6:13
  her
• 6:13
  standards
• 6:14
  too.
• 6:15
  Because
• 6:15
  getting
• 6:15
  older
• 6:15
  does
• 6:16
  not
• 6:16
  look
• 6:16
  like
• 6:16
  fear.
• 6:17
  It
• 6:17
  looks
• 6:18
  like
• 6:18
  peace,
• 6:19
  boundaries
• 6:20
  and
• 6:20
  zero
• 6:20
  tolerance.