Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / 210. How “The really nice girls” have some work to do

Transcript

210. How “The really nice girls” have some work to do · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Apoge Production. Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashy
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana. This podcast is about female empowerment.
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: And encouraging you to be your biggest, boldest, and most
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: authentic version of yourself.
• 0:21
  Speaker 3: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.
• 0:23
  Speaker 3: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone
• 0:26
  Speaker 3: else is too afraid to talk about.
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: Get ready for your next level of self.
• 0:32
  Speaker 3: Welcome back to sher Rises. If you are new here,
• 0:34
  Speaker 3: welcome to the fan. We are your two online besties.
• 0:37
  Speaker 3: We come out every Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. And today's
• 0:40
  Speaker 3: episode it's all about how nice girls really had a
• 0:43
  Speaker 3: lot of internal work to do, and we're going to
• 0:46
  Speaker 3: talk about why absolute very common in today's society.
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: It is, and you.
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: Know, it's funny, like a lot of people get like
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: the misconception around nice girls is that, oh my.
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: Gosh, she's so sweet and she's so lovely and she's
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: so this.
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: But also there is duality to everything, right, so what
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: is nice can also be very fiery. And the interesting
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: thing is like when we present one way, it's like
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: where do all the other parts of ourselves go?
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: Nowhere? They're inside nowhere.
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: They're inside and they boil and they boil and they
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: build to the top, and then all of a sudden
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: you're getting daggers from like, you know, passive aggressive hints
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: and all the things. And it's interesting because we have
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: I really do believe this comes from a lot of
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: our conditioning.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: We are taught as women to be the nice girl
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: and to present ourselves a certain way and not rock
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: the boat and don't have an opinion, and don't be
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: too loud, and you know, don't have too much emotion
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: or too much fire because we want to contain that.
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: And so the nice girl mold keeps us in this
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: contained way that we can kind of be almost controlled
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: a little bit. Yeah, but it also keeps us very
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: disconnected from ourselves too.
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: And inter relationships. Absolutely. So who is the nice girl?
• 1:49
  Speaker 3: Because I'm sure you all know one, or maybe as
• 1:51
  Speaker 3: you're listening to this, you're the nice girl. It's the
• 1:54
  Speaker 3: girl that always says yes, it's those girls.
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: It's like, Hi, how you going, no problems, don't worry
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: about me, Oh my gosh, yes, yes, yes, I agree,
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: I agree. No opinions.
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: You don't stand up for what you're believing, Like you said,
• 2:04
  Speaker 3: you don't want to rock the boat. And at the
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: end of the day, this will never create deep connected relationships.
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: In fact, it actually does a complete opposite. It's like
• 2:11
  Speaker 3: this invisible wall of people actually seeing who you are,
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: and you're doing this probably from a good place, like
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: you actually want to be the nice girl you'd be
• 2:18
  Speaker 3: when people talk about you. You want people to say,
• 2:20
  Speaker 3: oh my gosh, she's so nice, like she's so cruisy,
• 2:24
  Speaker 3: she goes along with anything like, oh my gosh, yes,
• 2:26
  Speaker 3: she's just a really lovely person. But at the end
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: of the day, we always talk about how every single
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: person has so many sides to them. Yes, you can
• 2:33
  Speaker 3: be nice, you can be kind, but you can also
• 2:35
  Speaker 3: be bitchy and brady. And it's like, when you don't
• 2:38
  Speaker 3: allow yourself to be all of those things and actually
• 2:40
  Speaker 3: be authentic with how you're feeling in your life, it's
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: going to come out later on. It's going to blow up.
• 2:45
  Speaker 3: It's going to break down relationships. It's going to come
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: out in snappiness or passive aggressiveness, just ways that are
• 2:50
  Speaker 3: really unproductive and really damaging to your relationships. And we're
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: all about preventing relationship breakdowns, which requires you to be
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: your authentic self from the very beginning.
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, And this is also a conversation as well, Like
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: I wanted to first say as well, Like, the reason
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: why we want to have this conversation is because, like
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: I used to be that girl, you know, I used
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: to be the nice girl who would overcompensate and try
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: to be overly selfless because I thought it made me
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: look better and I get more love and I get
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: more love. Yeah, it was about preserving the way that
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: other people saw me.
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: No, it's gonna be bit angry at you.
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: No, and always making sure that I could prevent conflict
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: and things like that, and make sure that I was
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: never threatening my relationship with people so that people wouldn't leave.
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: But the reality of that is it actually works backwards.
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: It does the opposite effect because when you're connecting with
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: people and you're being somebody who is not true to
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: what you actually think, feel and believe, you were going
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: to get a very different outcome because when you are
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: not yourself, you're actually building an inauthentic relationship with somebody
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: who thinks you are one way, and then all of
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: a sudden, you start to show different sides to yourself
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: and they get a shock. Yeah, they're like a prime
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: is this whoa, You're a bit more fiery than I thought. Yeah,
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: but it's because you were scared to show that part
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: of yourself in the beginning. And I think what's cool
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: about when you can, I say, for me, when I
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: can recognize this in myself, I can see this in
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: other people. And I think that's the beauty of this
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: work is whatever you have and whatever wounds you have,
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: you can actually see them in other people, so you
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: can have a lot more compassion for when other people
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: do understanding. And so the beautiful thing about this is
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: we want to kind of help you understand where this
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: is showing up for you and where it's coming out
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: for you, so that you can kind of clock those
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: behaviors and start actually building more authentic relationships, because at
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: the end of the day, you cannot build the kind
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: of connections that you want and crave if you are
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: not being yourself. Definitely, and that means sometimes being okay
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: rocking the boat, and it means being okay sharing your opinion,
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: disappointing people, absolutely standing up for yourself, putting yourself first,
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: putting your own needs first, being willing to be quote
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: unquote selfish in a healthy way so that you can
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: be true to yourself and actually preserve that relationship. Because
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: we both here can sit here and tell you that
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: anytime that we have abandoned ourselves, it has not made
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: the relationship better. It has actually damaged the relationship because
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: we aren't showing up in our true selves. That person
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: is seeing a part of us that they think is true. Yeah,
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: and then it just falls and it collapses.
• 5:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah, potentially being okay with people saying like, oh, she's
• 5:18
  Speaker 3: a bit braddy or gosh's a bit bitchy, or she's
• 5:20
  Speaker 3: a bit that, and they're gonna a bit strict. Yeah,
• 5:22
  Speaker 3: they're gonna say those things. And this doesn't just show
• 5:24
  Speaker 3: up in your intermer relationships either. This can happen at work,
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: in your friendships, in your partnerships. But I remember how
• 5:31
  Speaker 3: this in a working dynamic before, this girl was like
• 5:34
  Speaker 3: super nice, Like that's how people describe her. I described
• 5:36
  Speaker 3: her as that she's just so nice, and in a
• 5:39
  Speaker 3: working relationship, it's also her friendship as well. It was
• 5:41
  Speaker 3: like I would offer to do things and she was like,
• 5:43
  Speaker 3: oh no, I'll just do that. I'm like, well, I
• 5:44
  Speaker 3: can share the load, why don't you do it this time,
• 5:46
  Speaker 3: I do it next time. No, No, I'll just do that.
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: I'll just do that.
• 5:48
  Speaker 3: And she just wanted to overly please and she would
• 5:51
  Speaker 3: have need met because she felt like she was contributing.
• 5:54
  Speaker 3: But over time, when the friendship broke down and the
• 5:57
  Speaker 3: working relationship broke down and it got thrown back in
• 5:59
  Speaker 3: my face, I always had to do all of that,
• 6:01
  Speaker 3: Like you never helped me with this. I had to
• 6:03
  Speaker 3: take on all that load. And I was like, I
• 6:05
  Speaker 3: was more than happy to, but you want to take
• 6:06
  Speaker 3: that on board. But because you wanted to be the
• 6:08
  Speaker 3: nice girl and overgive when you really wanted some help
• 6:12
  Speaker 3: with that, then later on that blew up and doesn't
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: feel good for her or for me.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: Yes, absolutely, And.
• 6:17
  Speaker 3: See how the breakdowns happen when you're not being your
• 6:19
  Speaker 3: authentic itself and actually voicing this is what I do
• 6:22
  Speaker 3: and don't want to do. And that's what we're really
• 6:24
  Speaker 3: really prioritizing. We have from the get goal. It's like,
• 6:27
  Speaker 3: what ever doesn't feel good for us in our working
• 6:28
  Speaker 3: relationship and our friendship we bring forward before it turns
• 6:31
  Speaker 3: into something big. An example for that was I said
• 6:34
  Speaker 3: to Tiana straight away and we were planning all these
• 6:36
  Speaker 3: big goals, so she rises at that moment.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I don't want to manage a team.
• 6:40
  Speaker 3: I really don't want to go back to being the
• 6:42
  Speaker 3: team leader or someone that the point of contact for everyone.
• 6:44
  Speaker 3: I'm happy to contribute, but I just I've done that
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: many times before, and I really don't enjoy that role.
• 6:49
  Speaker 3: Is that something that you'd be willing to take on
• 6:51
  Speaker 3: because I don't want to do it. And if I
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: was to say yes and just do it like I've
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: done it before, yeah, it's all good, I'd be lying
• 6:56
  Speaker 3: to myself. I'm abanning myself in that moment, and I
• 6:58
  Speaker 3: guarantee that it would come up later and it would
• 7:00
  Speaker 3: blow up and it probably end up like cracking wanting
• 7:02
  Speaker 3: to walk away because it would just feel get too much. Yeah,
• 7:05
  Speaker 3: So I wanted to prevent that from happening. And they
• 7:07
  Speaker 3: can be hard conversations to have and scary, because I
• 7:09
  Speaker 3: was scared in that moment that you would feel like
• 7:11
  Speaker 3: it's all on you, or maybe you don't want to
• 7:13
  Speaker 3: do that, or maybe you'd be disappointed that I didn't
• 7:15
  Speaker 3: want to take lead in that because I've got experience. Yeah,
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: all those emotions come up but I'd rather have that
• 7:19
  Speaker 3: hard conversation, get clarity on it, yeah, and preserve our
• 7:23
  Speaker 3: friendship then potentially something happening later on.
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, I love that and it was beautiful.
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: No, I do remember you feeling a bit nervous to
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: bring that in actually, but no, it was so fine.
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: I was so scared in the moment as well, Like
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: it was something I was like, Babe, that's so fine, Like.
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: I actually want to learn how to do this. Yeah,
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: I'm like, it's.
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: Something that I've obviously I haven't had experience running a
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: team of more than like three people, but I've always
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: wanted to learn the skills that come with being a
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: team leader.
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: So I was like, Babe, that's fine, I'll do it. Yeah,
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: but that's cool. Yeah, you know cool.
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: And it is like we're very big and a lot
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: of what we represent actually rises, and also in our
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: personal lives too, is about prevention. Yeah, and when you're
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: trying to be just the nice person all the time,
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: you're not taken into consideration the long term effects of
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: being that, because what you're thinking about is right now,
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: you're thinking about how can I preserve myself in this moment,
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: keep the peace, How can I keep the peace. How
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: can I keep this person happy right now? But not
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: taken into consideration if that happens a hundred times from now,
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: what's going to happen aft the breakdown, because there will
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: be a blow up. It'll be like preserve, preserve, suppress,
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: suppress or press blow up. You know, That's why we
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: think about this and we think about prevention because if
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: we are just now in this moment, our authentic selves,
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: and we go, okay, this is what's truly coming up
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: for us, this is what we truly think, This is
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: our opinion, this is how we feel.
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: Okay, cool. No resentment is going.
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: To build from here because we're all clear, we're honest,
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: and we both also respect each other for being honest
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: and open in the moment, even if even if it's hard,
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: even if it's hard to hold, even if it feels
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: uncomfortable or it creates a little bit of rockiness. In
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: that moment, we know we're not thinking about right now.
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: We're thinking about the future exactly. And that's the biggest
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: thing in this because there's a huge difference between you know,
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: the conditioning of being a nice girl and action just
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: being a kind human.
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I love the way you explain this. I wanted to.
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: Bring this to life because I think sometimes we get
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: it confused.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: We think being a nice girl is being kind.
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: We think it is, but it's not, because when you're nice,
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: you're trying to please.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: You're trying to preserve and control the way that people
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: see you. Yes, we're trying to resolve conflict.
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: You're trying to make sure that person likes you still,
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: you know, make sure that person has a good opinion
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: of you, versus being a kind person, which.
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: Is just anything that I do.
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: I'm going to be kind as I do it, and
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: I'm still going to have respect for myself. It's like
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna be kind whilst I also share with you
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: that this is a boundary for me. I'm going to
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: be respectful in the way that I deliver this when
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: I tell you that I don't like what you did,
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: or I'm going to be respectful of you when I
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: share that this is my opinion and this is what
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: I believe about the world. There's a very big difference
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: between trying to be nice and please versus just being
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: a kind hearted human who has respect for yourself and others.
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: And that's the difference it comes from a very different place.
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: And when you are trying to be so nice all
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: the time, the assumption is that being nice is a
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: selfless thing, but it's actually not. Being kind is a
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: way to control. It's a way to control the way
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: that people view you, how people perceive you, what they
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: think of you, how highly they think of you. And
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: it's about creating this perfect persona so that nobody ever
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: has anything bad to say about you. It's a fear
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: of judgment. It's a fear of being ridiculed. It's a
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: fear of being exiled from our.
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: Tribe, people labeling you as a certain way. Yeah.
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, And so we kind of wanted to just break
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: it down because I think there's a certain level, a
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: healthy level of selfishness that we have to learn how
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: to come into as women and be able to hold
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: and be able to hold. And that comes with disappointing people.
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: It comes with not putting everyone above us. It's like
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: that hierarchy that you have. You have to learn how
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: to put yourself at the top without feeling guilty about
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: it and without thinking that you're doing something wrong. Because
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: selfishness is not a bad thing. It's actually just the
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: way that you associate with the word. You might think,
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: oh my god, why a you're so selfish. You know
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: you're in a fight with your partner. Oh my god,
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: you're so selfish. There's a negative connotation around it, when
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: in actual fact, like selfishness is what allows you to
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: prioritize yourself, your mental health, your energy levels, how much
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: you can pour into others, how much more that you
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: have to give, and all of the overflow things that
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: come from you and pour into your loved ones. And
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: I think that's what we need to learn how to
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: do as women, is learn how to hold a healthy
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: amount of selfishness. And that means completely stripping yourself of
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: the nice girl and going, you know what, I'm not
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: just nice. There are other things of me. I'm fiery,
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: I'm braddy, I can be bitchy, I can be demanding
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: at times, I can be opinionated at times, I can
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: be loud at times, the strict, all of the things
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: when not just one thing. And when we try to
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: box ourselves, I promise you you will feel like a
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: watered down version of you. And because you feel like
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: a watered down version of you, you will so hard
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: to find people that you genuinely want to connect with.
• 12:09
  Speaker 3: I love that you brought up all those different traits
• 12:10
  Speaker 3: because I'm sure, as you've said that right now in
• 12:13
  Speaker 3: your life you can think of someone like I can
• 12:14
  Speaker 3: think of people now, like say, my girlfriend Da Dean.
• 12:17
  Speaker 3: She's so fiery, she's so opinionated and so honest, Like,
• 12:20
  Speaker 3: you don't go to her if you're a sensitive Sally
• 12:22
  Speaker 3: like She's going to tell you the absolute truth, exactly
• 12:24
  Speaker 3: what she thinks. She's a truth arees like a fire sign.
• 12:27
  Speaker 3: I love that about her. She is so authentically herself
• 12:30
  Speaker 3: compared to someone that's just like pretending to be nice
• 12:33
  Speaker 3: all the time. You can have those parts about you
• 12:36
  Speaker 3: and the right people will still love every bit about
• 12:38
  Speaker 3: you like it's honestly. What I love about her the
• 12:40
  Speaker 3: most is there is no bullshit I'm going to get
• 12:42
  Speaker 3: exactly authentically in a Dean that so I've been friends
• 12:44
  Speaker 3: for twenty years. If she'd tried to be that nice girl,
• 12:46
  Speaker 3: I don't think our friendship would have last. Like she
• 12:48
  Speaker 3: is who she is at her court, and she never
• 12:50
  Speaker 3: apologizes for it.
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: Oh I'm psylogenetic about it. Truth yeah, yeah, So just.
• 12:54
  Speaker 3: Know that if you're bitchy braddy, loud, strict, bold, opinionated,
• 12:58
  Speaker 3: whatever it is like. You can be all of that
• 13:01
  Speaker 3: and doesn't mean you're a disrespectful person. It doesn't mean
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: you're a mean girl. Doesn't mean you you can't have
• 13:06
  Speaker 3: beautiful friendships. In fact, it's the opposite. You can have
• 13:08
  Speaker 3: all of that and know that you're being loved for
• 13:09
  Speaker 3: who you actually are, not a fake version that you're
• 13:12
  Speaker 3: like putting forward as being just a nice.
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: Girl and when you're pretending like love that you said that,
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: because it feels like you have to limit yourself.
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: Literally, imagine the nice girl. Imagine feeling warring. Oh my god,
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: that's exhausting.
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: Do you know how much energy it takes to pretend
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: not to be something then to just be who you are.
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's exclaesting.
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: You have to exert energy pretend to not be those things.
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: Imagine sitting in an airbnb with your girlfriends and putting
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: a mask on thank you, Oh my god, so much
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: data and not like actually saying what you fucking think,
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: or being a little bit of a bitch sometimes, or
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: like having something to say and just knowing you can
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: be all of who you are and know that you
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: just won't get canceled. Yes, Like, imagine how it would
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: feel when you have to preserve all of those parts
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: of you.
• 13:55
  Speaker 3: It's like what you just said there, when you are
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: with your girlfriends, how good does it feel? And what
• 13:59
  Speaker 3: a release it is emotionally. So you're going through a
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: really hard time in your relationship with a group of
• 14:04
  Speaker 3: girlfriends or at work, and you just like have this
• 14:06
  Speaker 3: massive bitch, this massive event. You're like, oh my fucking god,
• 14:10
  Speaker 3: she said this and I felt this, and then this
• 14:12
  Speaker 3: happened and and in the end.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: You're like, I feel better.
• 14:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah, actually feels so good because you've actually been able
• 14:17
  Speaker 3: to be your authentic self with how you're feeling in
• 14:20
  Speaker 3: that moment. And just because you're having a little bitch
• 14:22
  Speaker 3: to your girlfriend's in a safe container, you're not disrespecting
• 14:25
  Speaker 3: anyone else in this safe container. You're allowing that to
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: just be there. Now it's dissolved. Now you can go
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: back doing what you're doing. But if you're holding all
• 14:33
  Speaker 3: that in all the time, just saying yes being that
• 14:35
  Speaker 3: nice girl, you are gonna feel like you're gonna explode
• 14:38
  Speaker 3: at any moment.
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: It's like a ticking time bomb. It really is.
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: It really is what you feel like when you're pretending
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: to be the nice girl, you're always dismissing your own experience.
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: If you're dismissing your emotions, you're dismissing your experience. You're
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: always like justifying other people's behaviors and going, oh, it's okay,
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: it's fine.
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: It's not okay. Yeah, it's not okay.
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, don't act like it is, because inside you're literally
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: learning how to boil inside. And one day someone that
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: you love is going to cop the front end of
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: that and be your punching bag to all of the
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: things that you were suppressing and pretending that you don't
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: give a fuck about, and when in actual fact you
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: give lots of fuck, you give lots right. So true,
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: it is right because it's always our loved ones who
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: cop it. They're always the ones in the front line
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: who are around us the most, who cop or catch
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: the little glimpses of things that we miss and that
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: we don't address within it.
• 15:25
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it comes out in little moments too, Like you know,
• 15:29
  Speaker 3: if you're like going out for dinner with a group
• 15:30
  Speaker 3: of friends and it's like, oh, what would you like to.
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: I'm easy, I'm easy. Yeah, it's like, actually, tell me,
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: what you want to eat? Yeah? What do you like?
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: You're like, Toya, sure, I'm like, would you like steak? Yeah?
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: What do you fucking like? I think I've did that
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: the other day? What do you like? I did that
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: with the accommodation. I was like, I don't care, baby,
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: an easy way I stay. And you're like, I know
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: she likes to stay in good accommodation. You're not gonna
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: like what am I gonna pick's? She's like anxious no, but.
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: Like it comes out in those little moments too, like
• 15:54
  Speaker 3: it's also frustrating for the people you're around. So it's
• 15:57
  Speaker 3: like they actually care about what you want. So true,
• 15:59
  Speaker 3: we care about what you want to eat, we care
• 16:00
  Speaker 3: about where you want to stay. We care about whether
• 16:02
  Speaker 3: you happy with the decisions we're making as a even like.
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: Traveling or something. It's like, you know, we did that
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: value your opinion.
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: You know, Meg and I did that with Ash when
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: we were over a season Bali and we were as
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: she was like, so when do we want to go
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: for dinner? And me and Meg were both like, oh no, no,
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: I don't care. Wherever it's easy, and She's like, pick
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: a fucking place.
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: I think, like that I do.
• 16:23
  Speaker 3: Love choosing food places and the girls know that, and
• 16:25
  Speaker 3: I'd picked a lot of places, so I think i'd
• 16:26
  Speaker 3: already set that up that I was picking the food places.
• 16:29
  Speaker 3: But just that one particular day, I was just kind
• 16:30
  Speaker 3: of tapped out, a bit tired. I think I was
• 16:32
  Speaker 3: feeling a little under the weather. It's the day I've
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: got the ivy ivy, I think, yeah. And then we
• 16:36
  Speaker 3: were getting out go Jackson and I was like, what
• 16:38
  Speaker 3: do you guys want to eat? And they both like, oh,
• 16:40
  Speaker 3: I'm easy, I'm easy. I'm like, well, i'm easy, but
• 16:42
  Speaker 3: it does make a decision. I don't want to go
• 16:44
  Speaker 3: in age, no sausty moment. I'm like, I'm sorry.
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: Girls.
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: It was just one of those moments where you're like,
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: I don't feel like leading today. I don't feel like
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: I want to be led today. But I didn't know
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: how to communicate, but we just said, can you guys
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: please pick somewhere because I'm tapped.
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: But also that was a human moment.
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: I feel like ever since then, you've learned how to
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: be like I don't want to lead.
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: I'm fucking pasting on the baton. I don't want to
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: lead today. Somebody else do it.
• 17:02
  Speaker 3: We say that to comm at each other often like
• 17:05
  Speaker 3: whether it's content even Yeah, we've had a moment with
• 17:07
  Speaker 3: that too.
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: It's like just actually communicat if you don't have the
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: energy to.
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: Lean like cool, I'll take the lead, ye, and not
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: assuming that like we know what the other person is
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: thinking as well, you know, it's like okay, cool, Like
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: if we feel in a certain way, let's voice it
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: so we can figure out how to work as a
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: team to then make it easier for us.
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: Yes, or sometimes it can happen. I don't know.
• 17:22
  Speaker 3: I keep coming back to food, but it's like, yeah,
• 17:24
  Speaker 3: I don't mind when we go and then someone will
• 17:25
  Speaker 3: suggest something.
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: It's like I don't really feel like that. Yes, It's like,
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: well you just said you're easy. Yes, are you easier?
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: Do you want to pick the cafe? Yes? Fair? Cool? Steve,
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: you could do this? Yeah, do that with Steve.
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: Sometimes I'm like, oh, I don't mind. He's like cool,
• 17:39
  Speaker 3: we'll go here. I'm like, oh, I'm not eating that.
• 17:40
  Speaker 3: I protein. It's so funny, You're like, hi, I really yeah,
• 17:44
  Speaker 3: I don't eat Italian out totally.
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: And then it's like me with the accommodation I'm like, oh,
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: that one's a bit old, but I'm like, no, that
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: looks smine. I really like the first one wink wink.
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: But I preferred that because once she said you like
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: the first one, I'm like done, yeah, cool, I like
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: this last one too, funny. I think it comes down
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: to not wanting to feel like a burden.
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: Oh, you know, guilty of it all the time. I say,
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: it still.
• 18:06
  Speaker 3: Comes up for us this morning. Yeah, but filming this
• 18:09
  Speaker 3: like funny video, I'm like, I feel like such a
• 18:11
  Speaker 3: burden right now.
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: You should the okay? Yeah, I know.
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: Because she was like, oh, but there's so many to
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: feel me. I'm like, honestly, babe, I'm here, I'm having
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: a good time, Like, don't even worry about me, Like
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: I'm sweet.
• 18:18
  Speaker 3: I think we all deep down want to be the
• 18:21
  Speaker 3: nice girl and perceived to be nice and not a burden.
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but it just can't last.
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: And to be like the easy going I think what
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: it is in the past when I've had friends who
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: have been really easy going, I think I've tried to
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: almost emulate that same, you know.
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: I wish I could be as.
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: Like carefree and easygoing as them, And I want to
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: see that version of myself. Yeah. But then when I
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: look at it, I'm like, is that actually my personality?
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: Like? Am I actually?
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: Like?
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: I'm like sometimes i think I'm like, am I too much? Oh?
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: I think?
• 18:47
  Speaker 3: You know any how calm and soft they are, And
• 18:49
  Speaker 3: I'm like, ah, I would eat here.
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: And you know it's funny too.
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: I remember in a specific dynamic way back when I
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: used to think that I was easygoing one yeah, and
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: then I learned that I wasn't the easy going one.
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: She was easygoing one yeah, And I was like, interesting, I.
• 19:02
  Speaker 3: Think deep down we all want to be perceived as nice, caring, generous.
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: She's the cool girl.
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, doesn't mine even in like I haven't
• 19:09
  Speaker 3: had this, would have heard you talk about it before,
• 19:10
  Speaker 3: Like the nonchalong Girlfriend. We did an episode on it
• 19:12
  Speaker 3: of like I'm gonna be out the.
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: Boys yet no worry to go out with the boys.
• 19:15
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna hope you hope for I am Yeah cool,
• 19:17
  Speaker 3: You're sitting at home, stress as fark by yourself while
• 19:20
  Speaker 3: your man comes home drunk at four. I am like,
• 19:22
  Speaker 3: I'm going to tell you in two three years time
• 19:24
  Speaker 3: that's not gonna be okay. Tell her now, that that's
• 19:26
  Speaker 3: not okay, you don't like that.
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: I could never. I could never, nah.
• 19:29
  Speaker 3: But like just start to think about where you are
• 19:31
  Speaker 3: being the nice girl or maybe where your friends are
• 19:33
  Speaker 3: and actually like inviting this conversation and you're like, what do.
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: You really want?
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: And I think you want that. You know it's funny too.
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: This actually came up for me over Christmas. So I
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: was with the man that I'm seeing, my sister and
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: like a friend of hers, and we all went golfing
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: and my brother and stuff. We went and did top golf,
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: and I had just done so many social things, Like
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: I was sick for like five days and then I
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: came really good, and within that span like maybe three
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: or four days after that, I did a fair few
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: social things over those years. Yeah, and throughout that time
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: I was super tired already, Like I was just like, oh,
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: I only have so much capacit for social stuff anyway.
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: So we went golfing and stuff, and then I started
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: to crash towards the afternoon, and I noticed that part
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: of me that wanted to be like the easy going one,
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: the high energy girl, the you know, laughing and playing
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: and being all these things. But like I had crashed
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: so much that all I wanted to do was go home.
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: And I felt guilty because everyone wanted to go and
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: like meet back up at one person's house and play
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: card games and stuff, and I was the only one
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: who didn't want to go.
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah.
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: And then I felt guilty because I was saying to
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: the man that I'm seeing, like I was saying, like,
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: I'm tired, I'm feeling really I'm feeling really drained. I'm
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: like tapped out capacity wise, Like I actually don't want
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: to go, And as much as I wanted to go
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: and enjoy, I was like, you know, justifying with my head.
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: You know, I was like, oh, but they're only here
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: for a couple more days, and you know, this is
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: the only time we're going to see with them. But
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: then at the end, I was just like, you know what,
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: like I just want to go home.
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: And so I think it even shows up in moments
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: like that, where when you're surrounded by all these people,
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: you want to show up in that good energy, but
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: it's like you also have to honor yourself too.
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: It's hard, isn't that. And it's how you prevent resentment.
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: Imagine if I had gone and then done that and
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: then felt like, now I'm not showing up as my
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: best self. All of you are copying the energy from
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: me that I don't want to be here.
• 21:08
  Speaker 3: And the next day, because you think enough sleep, you'd
• 21:10
  Speaker 3: be tired, snappy, moody and not enjoying their company then anyway.
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: Absolutely so, I think even when it comes to doing
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: things that you don't want to do, We've had this
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: conversation recently. Is like learning when to know when to
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: tap out of social things when you need solo time
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: or you need to be in your own energy, when
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: your energy is coming down and when you feel like
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: you're starting to get real triggered and you need to
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: take that time away. Is learning where your limit lies
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: of when you need to remove yourself.
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: From the vine.
• 21:36
  Speaker 3: And this can also show up in mum life, and
• 21:37
  Speaker 3: it shows up with me and Steve all the time,
• 21:39
  Speaker 3: Like he's quite good at knowing when I'm like hitting
• 21:42
  Speaker 3: a limit, if the kids are fighting, orf I'm really tired,
• 21:43
  Speaker 3: I'm good in my period and it often encourages me,
• 21:46
  Speaker 3: like go get a massage, babe, like and call a
• 21:47
  Speaker 3: book or go to your room, like shut the door
• 21:49
  Speaker 3: and just read a book or watch TV or just chill,
• 21:51
  Speaker 3: go on the sauna, and then that like mum guilt
• 21:54
  Speaker 3: of like I want to be the present mom that's
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: there all the time. Yeah, it's like if I'm not
• 21:58
  Speaker 3: at work, I'm with my children, and I think a
• 22:00
  Speaker 3: lot of moms feel that pressure, so like feel the guilt.
• 22:02
  Speaker 3: But it's also I have to have that internal conversation
• 22:05
  Speaker 3: of like if I just go and sit out for
• 22:07
  Speaker 3: ten minutes and like reregulate, I'm gonna be a much
• 22:10
  Speaker 3: better mum. If I don't, then I snap, then I'm
• 22:12
  Speaker 3: gonna feel like eve more guilty, or I'm just I'm
• 22:14
  Speaker 3: going a shitty tired energy anyway, Like my kids don't
• 22:17
  Speaker 3: deserve this side of me. They're just trying to have fun.
• 22:19
  Speaker 3: Let you have fun with their dad for a little bit.
• 22:21
  Speaker 3: I'll go over here and chill.
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 22:23
  Speaker 3: But it's like you constantly have to coach yourself have
• 22:26
  Speaker 3: the internal conversations. That's the best thing I love about
• 22:28
  Speaker 3: being conscious. It's not that when you do all the
• 22:31
  Speaker 3: self development and all this internal healing that you get
• 22:33
  Speaker 3: to a point where it's like oh it just it's
• 22:34
  Speaker 3: fixed and it goes away. Absolutely not. It comes up
• 22:37
  Speaker 3: probably even.
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: More because you're aware of it.
• 22:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah, your triggers come up, your wounds are showing, you
• 22:42
  Speaker 3: see it a lot quicker. But you can have those
• 22:44
  Speaker 3: conversations with you and just like honor what you need
• 22:47
  Speaker 3: in those moments, and that once again prevents the build up,
• 22:50
  Speaker 3: prevents the snappy, passive aggressiveness, prevents the resentment, all the
• 22:54
  Speaker 3: things that you do not want in your relationships, your kids,
• 22:57
  Speaker 3: for your partner, your friends. It's it's just such an
• 22:59
  Speaker 3: important conversation. But I've never heard anyone talk about this,
• 23:02
  Speaker 3: and it actually came up.
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: Remember, started talking about it.
• 23:04
  Speaker 3: From some one that we know that was playing this role,
• 23:07
  Speaker 3: and I said to you, I just don't trust her.
• 23:09
  Speaker 3: There's something inside me that just doesn't trust her. And
• 23:12
  Speaker 3: that's when you said, yeah, she's the nice girl, and
• 23:14
  Speaker 3: you started to teach me about it, and I was like, wow,
• 23:17
  Speaker 3: I never quite understood all of this. So thank you
• 23:20
  Speaker 3: for teaching me this. And that's why I asked Tianna
• 23:22
  Speaker 3: to come on to talk about it, because I'm like,
• 23:23
  Speaker 3: this is really cool and I've never heard anyone teach
• 23:25
  Speaker 3: this before.
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: Oh I love that. Yeah, So it.
• 23:28
  Speaker 3: Really helped me learn a lot about myself and about
• 23:30
  Speaker 3: showingmen and there's no judgment. Yeah, I can see why
• 23:33
  Speaker 3: they are the way are. I've played that role as well.
• 23:35
  Speaker 3: It still shows up for me, but it's just cool
• 23:37
  Speaker 3: to learn about it, to be like, ah, okay, how
• 23:39
  Speaker 3: can I do that differently?
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: Definitely I love that.
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: I still think even now having this conversation, I still
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: feel like it comes up for me, but I'm much
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: quicker to clock it.
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I know that it doesn't benefit me.
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: So it's like, even if I catch myself doing that behavior,
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, I can just bring myself back to
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: baseline and then I can just continue showing up as
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: my authentic self. It's like I might have little moments
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: where it shows up because that anxiousness in me comes out,
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: but then I'm like, oh, you know what, Like this
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: isn't going to benefit me long time. This is not
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: how this person wants me to show up either, you know.
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: So it's really trying to clock those parts. And also
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: the reason why I want to bring this up is
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: because when I felt like the most nice and when
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: I identified with a nice girl, I was probably the most aggressive.
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: I was literally the most aggressive.
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: I have lost friendships over it because of my passive aggressiveness.
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: When I thought I was the very kind and nice girl,
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: and I was also the most combative, the most chaotic,
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: the most passive aggressive, when I really identified with being
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: nice because I never thought that I was someone who
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: was angry. I never got angry. I didn't even associate
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: with that anger. I thought I didn't have an angry
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: bone in my body.
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: I was very wrong.
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: She's a fiery girl, right, And so it's just cool
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: because the more you're aware of it, the more you'll
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: stop showing up like that. Right, Because when we think
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: about unconscious behavior, which is what we're talking about, you
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: identify with somebody who is nice, which means anything that
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: isn't nice. You don't identify with anger, passive aggressiveness, fiery nature, writing, nature, rebellion, opinionated,
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: none of those things.
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: And so because you're unaware of it, you don't actually.
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: See the way that you're being perceived when you're showing
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: up in that way, because in your head, you're like,
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: but I'm the nice girl, but I'm kind all the time.
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: I'm always kind, I'm always nice, I'm always considerate, I'm
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: always selfless and.
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: Putting people first.
• 25:25
  Speaker 2: You're going to miss all the ways that those little
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: moments pop out, and the people that you love are
• 25:30
  Speaker 2: really copying those little moments of you know.
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: That cand of comment. Yeah, they're not nice to receipt. No,
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: that kind of common. It's just like, I don't know,
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: is this true.
• 25:37
  Speaker 3: It's like a way that you're communicating what you're actually wanting,
• 25:40
  Speaker 3: but you're not being fully truthful about it, going about
• 25:43
  Speaker 3: it around about way.
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: Absolutely, Yeah, absolutely to receive it. I've done that.
• 25:46
  Speaker 3: I think it's definitely impacted of different relationships for me. Yeah,
• 25:49
  Speaker 3: it's like try to I don't know how to communicate
• 25:51
  Speaker 3: what I want, So do it in a way where
• 25:53
  Speaker 3: they can kind of get the hint. Yes, and hopefully
• 25:55
  Speaker 3: they hear me and they change their behavior, do what
• 25:56
  Speaker 3: I control, do what I actually want, instead of just
• 25:59
  Speaker 3: saying this is what I require without having to say it.
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, without being responsible for creating a problem that we
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: don't want to.
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: Yes, that's the thing. Yeah, it's not nice.
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: No, but it's hard, right because every word that is
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: unsaid is felt.
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: Yes, it's felt, exactly.
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: Every word that is unsaid is felt. Whether you think
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: that it is or not. You can think that you're
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: masking how you truly feel that that person will feel
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: your energy and they may not know why, but they
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: can feel something is off with your energy.
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: Very intuitive.
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and so this is why it's just even more
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: of a reason. If you are here to build really
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: deep connections and you want that, you want to take
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: your connections to the next level of depth, you have
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: to be willing to address all of these things. Yeah,
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: so that you can be somebody that is worth being
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: around all the time.
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: Yes, right, it's big.
• 26:44
  Speaker 3: That's why we put a whole month in Rise and
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: Side about communication and boundaries, and there's also months six
• 26:49
  Speaker 3: which is going to be thriving Relationships, because this is
• 26:51
  Speaker 3: all things that we have not only learned from coaches
• 26:54
  Speaker 3: and courses and stuff that we've actually recognized within ourselves
• 26:57
  Speaker 3: and see how it's negatively impacted people that we care
• 27:00
  Speaker 3: about and how we've lost relationships. Why we're preventing that
• 27:03
  Speaker 3: from happening again, because we know what that feels like
• 27:05
  Speaker 3: to receive and to give out to the world, and.
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: It's likely we can do better, we can know.
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think as well, why I love this
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: topic so much is that everyone always wants better people.
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: In their life. Yeah, they say that, Hey.
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: But not many people are willing to become a better person.
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: And so I'm like, the way that you create and
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: attract better people is by becoming better. Is by becoming better.
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: So instead of going oh my god and feeling in
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: lack of like where are my people? And I can't
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: find them and there are no good people in my life,
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: let's focus on becoming a better person first, so that
• 27:37
  Speaker 2: you create a beautiful garden for people to come to.
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 27:41
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like anything. I want the world to be
• 27:43
  Speaker 3: more raw and more honest. How raw and honest are
• 27:45
  Speaker 3: you being?
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah? I want the world to be more transparent. How
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: transparent that you being? Yeah, it's like a mirror reflection
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: back absolutely the shop of my life.
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you want more trustworthy people in your life? Are
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: you a trustworthy person actually attract Are you someone who
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: is loyal, committed and consistent in other people's lives?
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah? It's so powerful, such a good conversation.
• 28:02
  Speaker 3: Oh we hope you guys got a lot out of this,
• 28:04
  Speaker 3: because I got a lot out of having this conversation
• 28:07
  Speaker 3: with Town, and even more just talking about today, I've
• 28:08
  Speaker 3: had lots of realizations.
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: It's really cool. That's been cool, and I like, where
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: else does this show up in my life? Definitely?
• 28:13
  Speaker 3: It's like, we'll continue this conversation and once again, like
• 28:16
  Speaker 3: we always say, this is not brought forward to shame you.
• 28:19
  Speaker 3: If you've had moments today, we're like, oh that's where
• 28:21
  Speaker 3: I do that. Oh my gosh, like that, that's okay.
• 28:23
  Speaker 3: We're all human, like we are saying, we've done all
• 28:25
  Speaker 3: of that as well. Yeah, but once you understand it,
• 28:28
  Speaker 3: you have the knowledge, you have the awareness you can
• 28:29
  Speaker 3: start to create change. And the more awareness you have
• 28:32
  Speaker 3: and the more you start to practice this, the more
• 28:34
  Speaker 3: it's going to become unconsciously conscious and you have to
• 28:37
  Speaker 3: think about it. You get to become that person without
• 28:38
  Speaker 3: even thinking about it, second nature, but for now, while
• 28:41
  Speaker 3: you're catching it, you have to be very conscious to
• 28:43
  Speaker 3: make the changes.
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: Beautifully said. Yeah, all right, well, we will see you
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: on the next one. If this comes up.
• 28:49
  Speaker 2: For you or that you relate to this in any way,
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: please send us a DM or post on the forum.
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: Let us know where you're at, and let us know
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: what you've learned about yourself from this episode, because we
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: really love to hear it and we can relate to
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: it entirely. But other than that, we will see you
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: on our next episode.
• 29:03
  Speaker 3: Yes, we'd love to feedback to and if there's feedback
• 29:05
  Speaker 3: that you want to give to. We've also got our
• 29:06
  Speaker 3: reviews of the Apple podcast and Spotify. You can go
• 29:09
  Speaker 3: down there and leave us some feedback, which is always
• 29:11
  Speaker 3: really beautiful to read. And otherwise we'll see you on Monday.
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: Bye bye