Latest / The Dr. Psych Mom Show with clinical psychologist Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten / Intimacy Porn On Social Media: Male Vs Female

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Intimacy Porn On Social Media: Male Vs Female · The Dr. Psych Mom Show with clinical psychologist Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten

• 0:05
  Hi everybody, and welcome to the dr.
• 0:07
  Psych mom, show, today, I'm going to talk about what I call
• 0:10
  intimacy porn, and you'll find out what that means when I start
• 0:15
  to talk about it. But before that, please do
• 0:18
  subscribe, tomorrow's episode is going to be on something that a
• 0:22
  lot of guys say about their wives, which is that, as soon as
• 0:26
  there is something off their plate, they replace it.
• 0:29
  So they're always saying they're overwhelmed, but then when they
• 0:33
  stop being overwhelmed, then they find something.
• 0:35
  Else to overwhelm them such as getting a pet or starting a home
• 0:39
  renovation or some other sort of project such that they can never
• 0:43
  actually work on the relationship because they never
• 0:45
  have time. And so what is the origin of
• 0:48
  acting like this? And how to think about it and
• 0:52
  deal with it? That's going to be tomorrow's
• 0:54
  subscriber episode. But here you got one more free
• 0:57
  one on intimacy porn. So what do I mean by intimacy
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  porn? Well, if you've been listening
• 1:03
  to me, you have known that. I've Not to take talk.
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  So I'm looking at Tick-Tock a lot because clients always told
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  me about Tick-Tock and so I like to see what's around right and
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  what's influencing my people. And now I'm on Tick-Tock to.
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  So what I do see is that this thing which I'm calling intimacy
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  porn, which is so interesting to me.
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  So it's like like for example, there's like a guy who is like,
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  you know, showing how hot his wife is.
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  So I understand, wife hasn't only fans.
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  I'm sure that you both do and he's trying to market, right?
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  He's trying to Market his wife being hot and they make some
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  money cool. This is getting more and more
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  acceptable. Now, which is fine.
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  I mean, make money, however, you want, I don't care.
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  You know, I mean, that sounds like a good business if
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  everybody's on board, but I mean, the, the point here is so
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  they can't do actual porn on Tick-Tock, right?
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  I mean I'm can barely say sex on it without getting, you know, my
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  videos on able to be uploaded even though I'm Really trying to
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  educate but whatever. And so what do they do?
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  They do something really interesting and it's like the
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  guy follows his wife around with a camera.
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  This is like, you know, thousands of accounts, this
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  isn't like one dude. You know, follow the wife around
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  with a camera, of course, she knows what's happening but the
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  conceit is that it's candid and that she doesn't know what's
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  going on. And she just like wearing like a
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  big T-shirt with like, you know, you you can see that she's not
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  wearing anything, you know, she's wearing Her panties, or
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  whatever. Underneath.
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  And so, it's just like, she's just hanging out in this like
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  cute, but casual way. And then he'll like, come over
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  and like, either pick up the shirt and some way, or he'll
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  make some kind of joke and she'll laugh and you'll, and
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  she'll like relaxed or whatever it is.
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  It's kind of like this, this idea of this woman who's always
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  kind of responsive and receptive to the guy coming over and
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  hanging out and talking and making some kind of like sexual
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  Overture laughs at his jokes. She's making eye contact with,
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  at least the phone. You know, that he's holding up
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  and she's just around to be intimate and welcoming of it at
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  all times. Of course, there's no children
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  around in these and, and, you know, she's just like the
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  perfect woman and so many guys are congratulating themselves as
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  intrinsically, you know, subconsciously for thinking that
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  these women are the perfect woman because they don't look
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  like models. They are just quote average
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  which they're not really, they're pretty but you know how
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  guys think. Think your guys listening to
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  this? It's like you got like a hot
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  woman. You put glasses on her at every
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  guy's like man I go for the smart chicks like I'm not like
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  those douchebags, you know, and what they need is like the same
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  hot woman except like she doesn't have, you know, as much
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  makeup on or something. But anyway, so we see these cute
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  women and they are just the Classic fantasy for the married,
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  man. It's a domestic acidity fantasy.
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  A woman who's always responsive and then in some of them for the
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  guys I really, really want to like feel good about themselves.
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  The woman is actually like clever or has a retort or has
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  her own joke to counter the guys joke or something.
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  Like he says, some kind of joke about women to her and instead
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  of laughing she shoots one back about men.
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  Well, this would appeal to The Men Who the same been, I like
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  the smart chicks, you know, the smart hot chicks who always want
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  to have sex. Anyway Hey, so what this is is
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  it's really intimacy porn and this is the male version of it
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  and I don't think there was this as much before social media
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  because there was either the magazines which were obviously
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  porn or they were just regular, you know, stuff that everybody
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  consume, that wasn't really targeted toward men.
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  There were novels and movies and stuff like that but that
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  everybody could see and read the same things, these things,
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  especially if you're on social media a lot, they become curated
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  to your preferences because of How because the contents of my
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  videos, I think it thinks I'm a 40 year old man.
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  So is given me all of these like hot women.
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  And all of this stuff that men would like to see which then I
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  click on because I want to understand the men.
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  And so it gives me more and more in the algorithm.
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  So, I'm seeing kind of what it's like to be a dude on social
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  media and it is more. It's harder for the marriage
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  than even the porn for Christ's sake.
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  And you know what, I think of the porn, the pouring gives it.
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  Huff's you up artificially? I just talked about this.
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  I don't have to talk about this again.
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  I just did one on this to on porn.
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  I'll probably do it again in a couple months, but for right
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  now, go back and listen to the poor, and you said marriage
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  podcast. But this intimacy porn as I'm
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  calling it, is, is no better. In fact, it may even be worse
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  because the guy doesn't even think he's looking at porn.
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  But what he's looking at is a woman who's always responsive.
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  It's like, it's, like Leave it to Beaver with how, like, the
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  mom defers to the dad, except she's also And some cute little
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  lingerie, you know, I mean, how could you tear yourself away
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  from that if you're a lonely man and you start to think that
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  there's all these women that actually act like this and you
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  forget that they're monetizing this account you know I like and
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  and the women are trying to act in a way that men would love as
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  much as a hooker would write button and the guys on board
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  because this is their business. So you know it's even more More
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  pernicious than porn because you don't think you're looking at
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  ports. You don't have your guard up and
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  so guys think that there's these women that are just hanging out
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  stress-free, you know, just always down for like a funny
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  sexual joke and you know, that, that they are, they are the ones
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  who are losing out because their wives, you know, we're close
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  around the house and seem kind of irritated.
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  If the guy like comes up and grabs them because, you know,
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  they're in the middle of getting the kids out to school.
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  All or what have you and so of course, what's good for?
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  The goose is good for the gander.
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  So what's the female equivalent of this?
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  Well, shit, that was on social media since its Inception,
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  really. That's all the guy's acting
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  super romantic in these little videos and what women really
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  monetizes women following the couple and the couple story and
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  getting little, you know, interviews with the couple and
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  like what are the couple, you know, think about each other
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  where they going, are they going to have a baby like following
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  the hole? Course, of the couple's romantic
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  trajectory that more appeals to women.
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  There's no only fans of these people to be monetized, you
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  know? But the entire account is
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  monetized because the more followers you have, the more ads
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  you get etcetera. So what do women like to look at
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  these men that say these things that are basically porn for
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  women. So like in like the guy comes
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  over and he wakes up the woman so lovingly and he's like
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  there's the most beautiful girl in the world.
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  I mean this is real. I'm not making this up, he comes
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  over and So there's the most beautiful girl in the world.
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  She looks even more beautiful without makeup and she's like,
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  oh, stop it. And then he's like, oh no,
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  here's the love of my life and then she's giggling.
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  And then she's like, I love you and they kiss and it like cuts
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  out, you know? Because now one is to imagine
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  that, that they embarked on some sort of splendiferous
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  Otherworldly lovemaking, so that would be the female equivalent
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  or not, even don't even have to think they're having sex.
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  If you're a woman who doesn't like sex, Sex.
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  You're like man. That's the only guy.
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  That is an upper pant, you know, isn't into her pants instead.
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  He's just saying these wonderful romantic things, which, of
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  course, if you use your brain, it's it's for it's a show.
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  But it's real hard to use your brain and to think about this as
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  a business and as these people's livelihood, when you're watching
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  it, and when you're watching real, after real of it, it has
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  the same effect on the brain as porn.
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  It creates a Counterpoint a comparison Point, your own Life
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  that makes your life see more upsetting and dull and and
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  Lovelace in in comparison, right?
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  And it's not real. So this stuff isn't real.
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  So it's interesting to think about the differences to because
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  what women want are the words of affirmation, sometimes gifts
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  that's like all over, especially for younger women.
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  It's like showing like that. The guy gives them money to get
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  their nails done and their hair done, and then he gets them, you
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  know. A great car and whatever.
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  And with older women, it's more like he helps around the house
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  and we're a team, and he's a partner and basically, like look
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  how he does. This funny Tick Tock dance
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  because I tell him to basically and he's such a good teammate.
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  So it varies, you know, but whenever people are giving you a
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  window into their relationship on social media, particularly if
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  they have, you know, millions of followers and this is their job,
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  you got to think about what they're selling and Thing, Lee.
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  And I think this will be a wonderful dissertation for
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  somebody. You know, would that I were in
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  Academia, just kidding. I don't want to be in Academia,
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  again, it on intimacy porn and how its skyrocketed with the
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  general disconnection felt in society.
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  You know, like people do not have as close relationships
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  rates of sex in marriages and overall are going down.
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  Fewer people are having sex overall, you know fewer people.
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  I would imagine perceive themselves Elves to be really
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  embedded in a social network. I mean, this is kind of a known
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  thing. We're getting more and more
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  disconnected, just alone in our rooms with our phones and
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  everything. And within marriages, you know
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  there there's quite a bit of lack of intimacy that I see in
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  the also is observed in general by by other people.
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  And so you don't get it in your marriage but then you're getting
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  it online. But which came first the chicken
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  or the egg, because who's going to want to engage with their,
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  you know, pretty. Annoying spouse that never says
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  cute little recordable things. If you could just kind of almost
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  get yourself into this, this fake World almost virtual
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  reality where you're imagining that you're married to somebody
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  else. It's interesting because there
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  was this book years ago that I thought was so funny like
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  probably 15 years ago is called porn for women.
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  And it was its you get it off Amazon and it's this little book
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  where it shows like a man vacuuming and Like the catch.
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  He's like they're all these hot men, right?
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  Like half-naked. And so, one of them is like
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  vacuuming and he's like, I like to do these things before.
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  I'm asked, or like things like that, you know, or like I always
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  like to keep chocolate in the house, like things that are just
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  funny and I would appeal to women, but the the proliferation
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  of social media in years subsequent to that, that it made
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  this into a reality and like a video reality.
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  So like you actually have the Porn for women which is the
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  intimacy porn of like an attractive man, doing everything
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  that a woman would ever want. And then the corollary which is,
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  you know, this sweet like, you know, loving relax delighted
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  woman who is just, you know, lounging around and her cute
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  little clothes and that just wants to cuddle and and look at
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  you and laugh, you know, and so you you don't have your guard up
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  because Cuz you don't think that it's something Insidious.
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  Where's women would know? Okay, I'm watching a romantic
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  movie, I guess he's not going to act like a romantic movie
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  protagonist, you know. But if you're just looking out
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  social media and the way that the phone is held, it looks like
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  it's casual. It looks like people are just
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  recording their daily life, you know, and that this is just how
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  how their life goes and that is much more Insidious because you
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  think that you are missing out on something that They're people
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  had whereas, you know, that you're not living in a romantic
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  movie you know, but you you think why would my life not be
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  like with these other real quote?
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  Real people's lives look like? So it's interesting to think
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  about it. Even if you're not somebody that
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  led really looks at Tick-Tock, if you're a guy who doesn't look
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  at social media and doesn't look at porn, I mean, you are a rare
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  breed, but if you do look at, if you don't look at social media,
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  but you do look at porn, but the type of porn that you look at is
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  the married couples or the amateur stuff or anything that
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  isn't, you know, porn Starlet, you know, in extremely porn, you
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  know, the stereotypical scenarios.
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  So it's more like the married people than you, may be getting
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  a hint of the intimacy porn as well.
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  And it may be a large component of what you're attracted to the
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  idea that there are couples where where there is this Is
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  free and easy open, you know, delighted constantly responsive
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  dialogue and communication. And, you know, that that's not,
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  that's not real, you know, that is for the screen and a lot of
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  people forget this, the more amateur e and quote, real
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  things, look, the more Insidious they are in terms of burrowing
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  into your brain and telling you that you're missing out on
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  something that everybody else has or that like Joe average had
• 14:34
  soul. Like in these situations of the
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  tick tocks with the guys, you're, you're thinking of this
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  dude as just like kind of a guy like you has his dumb jokes and
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  like he just wants to kind of grow / and he's just following
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  her around and the phone's going blah blah, blah blah blah.
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  You know like it's moving, it's not good camera work.
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  Do you think this is like an average Joe that just happens to
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  have this like, you know, really cute, sweet loving wife.
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  Who's always down to Chad and look at him and and be Older
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  like whatever. Like it did, it did sort of
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  thing that he wants and of course, this isn't real, the
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  percent of women who are willing to kind of create a business
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  like this. That is based on them like
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  having these little scenes that they have to act out, you know,
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  and monetize. And then have on there and
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  everybody in their lives knows that they have a social media
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  account based on them, like, showing glimpses of their ass,
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  you know, This is not the usual woman and honestly, like you may
• 15:38
  not want to be married to that woman.
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  There are not like like this isn't real life with this is, is
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  the very very small subset of women that will make this their
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  life, you know. And the women that will do that,
• 15:53
  you know, are not who you married.
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  And that's probably for a reason because when you went on the
• 15:58
  first date, if your wife, who's a lawyer, let's say, or a doctor
• 16:03
  or a teacher or a nurse, I had said to you or stay at home.
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  Mom had said to, you know what, I really want to do most of my
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  life. What my career goals are our to
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  have like a super big following of dudes, you know, who pay to
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  pretend that they're married to me and we give them various
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  levels of of semi to really pornographic glimpses of me.
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  And that's how we make our money.
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  You would have been horrified, you know.
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  So so let's be Real and for the ones you that aren't horrified,
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  you should probably leave, you know, your marriage.
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  If if that is, your goal is to get a woman who wants to make an
• 16:44
  only fans account with you, then you are probably, you know, not
• 16:49
  super motivated to work on your current marriage but for the 99%
• 16:54
  of guys listening to this, who would be pretty fucking weirded
• 16:58
  out if that was the direction that their wife's career.
• 17:00
  Now took then, you know, you gotta understand that these
• 17:04
  women And that you may be conceiving of is just super open
• 17:08
  and chillaxed are really, you know, business women who are
• 17:13
  using their body to make money. And when the camera is off, they
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  are not acting like this. With the guy, they're like, how
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  many views did we get? What do you think?
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  What do you think we should do? Do you think that that one work?
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  Do you think that we should have more little glimpses of my ass?
• 17:28
  You know, and like that is not sexy to think about, you know,
• 17:32
  let's be real. So anyway, I hope that This was
• 17:35
  an interesting thought experiment, for you, like are
• 17:39
  you viewing whatever media you consume with a critical and
• 17:43
  objective eye? Or are you letting it become?
• 17:47
  A comparison point, that isn't real because it isn't something
• 17:51
  that's happening in the real world that you're not getting,
• 17:54
  it's not something happening in the real world at all.
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  It's the same as watching a romantic movie, it's just
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  curated in a way that more insidiously, makes you think
• 18:04
  that it's reality. So discuss with your spouse if
• 18:07
  you're both like, really into tick-tocks.
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  And and I'm not saying these people don't love each other.
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  By the way, they could certainly love each other.
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  If they're doing these couple tick-tocks in, this is their
• 18:18
  business. But their discussions about this
• 18:21
  business are probably not a lot different from like me and my
• 18:24
  husband figuring out how to Market best life Behavioral
• 18:27
  Health, you know, and that's not the stuff of people being like,
• 18:32
  wow, like that is so arousing. I'm like, you know, if you've
• 18:36
  ever been a business with your spouse, you know that like like
• 18:39
  it's a business. It's not like, you know, like
• 18:42
  like you then you just start having sex in the middle of that
• 18:46
  discussion, right? That's not the sort of
• 18:48
  discussion that is, you know, in a rousing discussion and you got
• 18:51
  to really think about the other side of whether it's the amateur
• 18:55
  porn couples or The Tick Tock couples or the only fan couples
• 18:59
  or whatever it is that you consume.
• 19:01
  They are looking at their QuickBooks and they are and
• 19:04
  she's putting a smile on for the camera and it is not what
• 19:09
  they're did their day-to-day lives.
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  Probably look a lot more like yours than you realize.
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  All right, I'll talk to you soon.
• 19:14
  Have a great day.