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Mojo Monday - Do You Second Guess Yourself? Here's What to Do With Carly Taylor · Hardiness with Dr Paul Taylor

• 0:09
  Speaker 1: Hi, everyone, It's Carlie Taylor here for this week's My
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: Joe Monday. I am a little frazzled right now because
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: I've been having so many problems with the sound quality.
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  Speaker 1: So hope this is the final take and the sound
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  Speaker 1: quality is up to standard, but I apologize if it's not.
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  Speaker 1: So yeah, I'm having to use my own tools here.
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  Speaker 1: Just getting a bit frazzled. Anyway, Today we're going to
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: talk about second guessing yourself, and maybe that's I'm doing
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: a bit of that myself right now, feeling when you
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  Speaker 1: need to make a decision and then you start doubting
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  Speaker 1: yourself and these questions come up in your mind, like
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  Speaker 1: am I doing the right thing? Maybe I shouldn't be
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  Speaker 1: doing this, or maybe I should ask somebody if it's
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  Speaker 1: the right thing. You know, you kind of need that validation.
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  Speaker 1: This happens to me a lot, and it always has
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  Speaker 1: a second Guessing yourself can be really exhausting because it
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  Speaker 1: can keep you stuck, it can drain you of confidence,
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  Speaker 1: and it can even make really small decisions feel overwhelming.
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  Speaker 1: So today we are going to talk about how to
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  Speaker 1: stop second guessing yourself. It's just how to manage it.
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  Speaker 1: So you can start moving forward, because if you're constantly
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  Speaker 1: questioning yourself and hesitating, there's a huge risk that you're
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  Speaker 1: going to miss out on a whole lot of life.
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  Speaker 1: And what I mean by that is missing out on
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  Speaker 1: all the wonderful good things that can happen, but also
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  Speaker 1: missing out on a chance to learn from mistakes if
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  Speaker 1: their outcome isn't what we was hoping it was going
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  Speaker 1: to be. And at its core, second guessing comes from
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  Speaker 1: that part of us that craves certainty and wants everything
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  Speaker 1: to be perfect. It's that internal tug of war. It's
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  Speaker 1: like one part of you is ready to move forward
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  Speaker 1: and do what's important and to take that risk or
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  Speaker 1: while the other one hesitates, fixating on the risks, and
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  Speaker 1: that part of your mind is the one that can
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  Speaker 1: stop you and keep you in your comfort zone. And
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  Speaker 1: this can happen on our own, but it also happens
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  Speaker 1: when other people get involved and they plant that seed
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  Speaker 1: of doubt in our minds. But certainty and perfection are
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  Speaker 1: illusions because the outcome of any decision is always, to
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  Speaker 1: some extent, always beyond our control. And acceptance commitment therapy,
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  Speaker 1: which is act we can get stuck in analysis paralysis
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  Speaker 1: because we treat our thoughts as facts. We assume that
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  Speaker 1: if a thought pops into our heads, I'm not sure
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  Speaker 1: if this is right, Maybe I'll get up, maybe I'll
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  Speaker 1: upset that person if I say wait, or what if
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  Speaker 1: I regret this? Yah yah yah yea, then it means something.
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  Speaker 1: But thoughts are just thoughts, and it's just your mind
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  Speaker 1: doing its job. It's so normal because what your mind
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  Speaker 1: is trying to do is protect you from danger. Your
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  Speaker 1: mind really doesn't care about your goal or success and
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  Speaker 1: your well being. It just wants to keep you safe.
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  Speaker 1: And that sounds really helpful, but a lot of the
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  Speaker 1: time it's not helpful. It's like a really unhelpful friend
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  Speaker 1: offering you some really unhelpful advice. And here's the thing.
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  Speaker 1: You'll need to dictate your actions, and maybe the thoughts
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  Speaker 1: can help with the process. Of course, we have amazing minds,
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  Speaker 1: So for example, if you need to have a difficult
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  Speaker 1: conversation with somebody and you're worried that it's going to
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  Speaker 1: upset them, then you can really prepare you and prepare
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  Speaker 1: your language, your word so you get your point across
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  Speaker 1: with empathy and respect. So these thoughts can be helpful
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  Speaker 1: if you're aware of what they can offer. But they
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  Speaker 1: can also cause us to freeze because we start second
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  Speaker 1: guessing ourselves. And then with the doubt, the more you
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  Speaker 1: try and silence it, the louder it, paying so much
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  Speaker 1: attention to it, and the more you analyze it, the
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  Speaker 1: less chance you're going to take action because you just
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  Speaker 1: stay in your head and its action, not over thinking,
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  Speaker 1: is what builds confidence. And I've talked about confidence in
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  Speaker 1: previous episodes and it means with trust. So we want
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  Speaker 1: to build that trust in ourselves. We want to trust
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  Speaker 1: the process and then learn if things don't go as planned.
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  Speaker 1: So a really good question to ask ourselves is this
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  Speaker 1: thought helpful? And this has been a game changer for
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  Speaker 1: me in how I respond to my th, a sort
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  Speaker 1: of believing thoughts to be true or false, or right
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  Speaker 1: or wrong. We ask ourselves, is this thought helpful for me?
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  Speaker 1: Is it helping me? Are the worried thoughts, the over
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  Speaker 1: analyzing over this decision? Are they moving me forward or
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  Speaker 1: are they keeping me back? Because if they want to
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  Speaker 1: do is rather spend time debating with ourselves about the
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  Speaker 1: thoughts or trying to get rid of them, what we
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  Speaker 1: want to do is stop the struggle with them, because
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  Speaker 1: it's like playing tug of war with that part of
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  Speaker 1: our mind, and the only way we can stop the
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  Speaker 1: struggle is to rope. And then once we've dropped the rope,
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  Speaker 1: we are free to turn around and take action on
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  Speaker 1: the things that are important to us. And so that
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  Speaker 1: brings me to values. Your values, not your emotions, are
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  Speaker 1: your compass. So you can what a person do I
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  Speaker 1: want to be? What sort of character traits do I
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  Speaker 1: want to have here, and then use those as your comforts,
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  Speaker 1: not your fleeting emotions, and whatever happens, you can put
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  Speaker 1: your hand on your heart and you know that you've
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  Speaker 1: acted according to your values, because yourself keeps you stuck.
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  Speaker 1: Clarity and confidence comes from action, not from overthinking. So
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  Speaker 1: you've got to trust yourself and the process and move forward.
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  Speaker 1: And you move forward even if you don't fill one
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  Speaker 1: hundred percent confident, even if doubt is screaming in your head,
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  Speaker 1: because remember that you wait for it's something that you
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  Speaker 1: build through action. And the more you do this, the
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  Speaker 1: more confidence and trust you will have. And you will
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  Speaker 1: never gain confidence by not taking action. You won't gain
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  Speaker 1: confidence by staying small and by seeking comfort or avoiding
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  Speaker 1: you have to move through that. And on the other
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  Speaker 1: side is that confidence. So this week, when doubt creeps
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  Speaker 1: in on any decision that you are making, big or small,
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  Speaker 1: try this. Just notice it, label it. Ask is this,
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  Speaker 1: Clarify your values, clarify what is important to you, and
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  Speaker 1: then take action using those values as your compass. So
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  Speaker 1: thank you for joining me, and if you have made
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  Speaker 1: it this far, thank you for your patience. I know
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  Speaker 1: the sound was cutting out sort of in and out
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  Speaker 1: through it. Hopefully we will have it fixed up next week.
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  Speaker 1: Tech problems are always very frustrating. But have a good
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  Speaker 1: week everybody, and I will catch you next week. See yep.