Latest / Bomb Life / Girlology: The Mirror Effect with Dr. Melisa Holmes |282

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Girlology: The Mirror Effect with Dr. Melisa Holmes |282 · Bomb Life

0:00
[SPEAKER_01]: pregnancy and the postpartum period are huge and caring than a pause is huge.
0:05
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, we are going to go through these times in our life where our body, we don't even recognize our body, we don't know how to care for our body, but if we stay focused on caring for our body with true, like,
0:18
[SPEAKER_01]: intention to for wellness and being in our body.
0:22
[SPEAKER_01]: It's so much better than trying to care for our body to be skinny again, or to, you know, to look a certain way the society thinks we should look.
0:31
[SPEAKER_01]: But just knowing that we have these transition, it's just a part of life.
0:35
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
0:35
[SPEAKER_01]: We've all been through it.
0:51
[SPEAKER_00]: Welcome to the Bond Life Podcast where fitness, vines, and real talk collide.
0:55
[SPEAKER_00]: This is it just about workouts.
0:56
[SPEAKER_00]: It's about transforming your body, mind, and life.
0:59
[SPEAKER_00]: Get ready for unfiltered conversations, expert advice, and the motivation you need to level up in every way.
1:19
[SPEAKER_00]: Hey everyone, welcome to the Bomb Life podcast.
1:22
[SPEAKER_00]: I am Melissa Volgle, your host.
1:24
[SPEAKER_00]: Welcome to the show.
1:26
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, this episode is going to just make you feel all of the feelings inside, especially if you have younger girls in your life, whether that's a daughter, a niece, a neighbor, and anyone that you impact and possibly could be a role model for you're going to love this episode.
1:44
[SPEAKER_00]: And if you're a mom that has a daughter or son, it honestly doesn't matter.
1:49
[SPEAKER_00]: You're really going to feel this.
1:50
[SPEAKER_00]: And I know we have a lot of parents that listen.
1:52
[SPEAKER_00]: So you guys are going to love this episode.
1:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Couple of housekeeping things.
1:54
[SPEAKER_00]: First, please don't forget to write and review this podcast.
1:58
[SPEAKER_00]: Five stars if you feel appropriate.
1:59
[SPEAKER_00]: And then leave us a review because everything helps.
2:01
[SPEAKER_00]: I've said this before in a couple of other episodes that we have changed platforms, just like our distributor.
2:07
[SPEAKER_00]: And so any ranking and stars and reviews, it helps like just a ton on all of the different, you know, Spotify.
2:14
[SPEAKER_00]: And I don't know what they're called.
2:16
[SPEAKER_00]: YouTube, not YouTube.
2:17
[SPEAKER_00]: I too, and it's coming up the name.
2:19
[SPEAKER_00]: All of it matters, so please do that.
2:20
[SPEAKER_00]: You guys, and of course, it's like leaving me a huge, huge tip in my tip chart.
2:25
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to dive right into this episode and this topic, because our guest is phenomenal, and it's just a topic that's very near and dear to my heart, and I'm just going to say this up front.
2:33
[SPEAKER_00]: Right here, here we go.
2:34
[SPEAKER_00]: If you are a parent and you are struggling with your own self love, yourself worth yourself confidence, all of the things and you are living a life that you're like, oh my God, what happened to my body?
2:45
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, like your questioning things and you're just not like there, your kids are going to feel it and that's what you're passing on to them.
2:51
[SPEAKER_00]: We have to change the generational cycle of
2:56
[SPEAKER_00]: lack of self-love and confidence because this day and age and everything that our kids are dealing with with social media, bullying, cell phones and tablets and everything they're exposed to, it's making the journey worse.
3:08
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, we know it was like before all of that, they don't.
3:13
[SPEAKER_00]: We're experiencing life now in a whole different way.
3:16
[SPEAKER_00]: And you guys, if you are guiding these people and it doesn't matter if your daughter is eight or twenty eight, if you are guiding or a part of their life and helping them live life, which we are, you need to work on you.
3:29
[SPEAKER_00]: How can you possibly be there for them and give them guidance and suggestions and be someone that they look up to if you don't even like yourself?
3:39
[SPEAKER_00]: Right?
3:39
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, it's so hard to, like, say that and swallow that and trust me you guys, I have been in this position.
3:45
[SPEAKER_00]: I have done and said and lived things that I'm like, oh my God, like, I am so embarrassed and ashamed of that.
3:52
[SPEAKER_00]: How am I affecting my kids?
3:54
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm learning and I'm living through that.
3:56
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's what's going to make me a better mom and a partner and everything.
4:00
[SPEAKER_00]: I can't hold shame and I don't want you guys to hold shame for yourself if you're like, I'm overweight.
4:07
[SPEAKER_00]: I hate the way I look in pictures.
4:09
[SPEAKER_00]: I hide.
4:10
[SPEAKER_00]: My kid actually hasn't even seen me in a bathing suit in four years.
4:13
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, we have to let go of that shame.
4:15
[SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't serve us and we need to move forward from it.
4:17
[SPEAKER_00]: And again, I can completely relate to this.
4:20
[SPEAKER_00]: And today's episode is all about this.
4:23
[SPEAKER_00]: It's all about taking charge and changing and empowering yourself and
4:30
[SPEAKER_00]: The females in your life.
4:32
[SPEAKER_00]: And as moms, as parents, as leaders, as grandmas, as ants, and whatever, we can't do that if we're not taking care of ourselves.
4:41
[SPEAKER_00]: It's the same thing.
4:42
[SPEAKER_00]: You guys have heard me say this on the podcast a million times.
4:44
[SPEAKER_00]: When the oxygen mask comes down, you need to put yours on first so you can help others.
4:49
[SPEAKER_00]: And if you're not taking care of yourself in your life, you can't help others.
4:53
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, you can try.
4:54
[SPEAKER_00]: You can hope it helps.
4:56
[SPEAKER_00]: But is it really going to?
4:57
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know.
4:58
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know.
5:00
[SPEAKER_00]: I think the answer is no.
5:01
[SPEAKER_00]: So I want you guys to start with you.
5:05
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's what I do.
5:06
[SPEAKER_00]: That's the barrier in the generational cycles that I'm trying to break.
5:09
[SPEAKER_00]: I want you guys to be able to help you because you love yourself enough.
5:12
[SPEAKER_00]: And then, oh my God, just think how powerful you can be to help your kids.
5:17
[SPEAKER_00]: Right?
5:17
[SPEAKER_00]: We have Melissa Holmes on today.
5:19
[SPEAKER_00]: And she is the co-founder of Gralogy.
5:21
[SPEAKER_00]: She's an adolescent health expert, author, keynote speaker.
5:24
[SPEAKER_00]: She's a board certified OBGYN.
5:26
[SPEAKER_00]: She's nationally recognized for a voice in transforming young women's health.
5:31
[SPEAKER_00]: She co-founded Gralogy to transform how we support girls and parents navigating the physical and emotional changes of girlhood and drawing on her experience as a clinical medicine research and parent
5:43
[SPEAKER_00]: Melissa brings unmatched empathy, science back insight, and a relatable voice to tough conversations, helping parents, girls, and help providers solve costly challenges around puberty, menstrual health, body image, confidence, and adolescent sexuality.
5:59
[SPEAKER_00]: This episode is
6:02
[SPEAKER_00]: There I said it.
6:03
[SPEAKER_00]: It is so bomb.
6:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Melissa is just phenomenal.
6:05
[SPEAKER_00]: Go to the show notes, check out her links, give her a follow, and really take in this message you guys.
6:11
[SPEAKER_00]: It is, it's an episode that will make you just sit back and be like, wow, I really do need to create change.
6:18
[SPEAKER_00]: How can I lead if I am not in love with myself and have the confidence that I know I deserve?
6:25
[SPEAKER_00]: All right, everyone.
6:26
[SPEAKER_00]: Enjoy the show.
6:33
[SPEAKER_00]: Hey everyone, welcome to the bomb life podcast.
6:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Today we have Dr. Melissa Holmes on the show.
6:40
[SPEAKER_00]: Welcome to the show, Dr. Melissa.
6:41
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you, Melissa.
6:43
[SPEAKER_00]: It's so great to be here with you.
6:45
[SPEAKER_00]: I hope they get double Melissa power today.
6:47
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, Melissa squared.
6:49
[SPEAKER_00]: That's right.
6:50
[SPEAKER_00]: That's right.
6:50
[SPEAKER_00]: Look out.
6:51
[SPEAKER_00]: I am so excited to have you on today.
6:53
[SPEAKER_00]: And I have to give like a big shout out to interview Valle because they're the people that hooked us up.
6:59
[SPEAKER_00]: I love Karen Schwab over there.
7:00
[SPEAKER_00]: Like she is just incredible.
7:02
[SPEAKER_00]: And they bring like the best guess.
7:04
[SPEAKER_00]: So major shout out to interview Valle.
7:06
[SPEAKER_00]: We love them over here on the podcast.
7:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Melissa, you are a board certified OBGYN author, nationally recognized voice in transforming young women's health.
7:16
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, like what, what don't you do?
7:18
[SPEAKER_00]: You are a powerhouse for women.
7:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh thank you.
7:22
[SPEAKER_01]: It's just been a long career in raising three daughters, myself.
7:26
[SPEAKER_01]: It's made this like a necessity, right?
7:28
[SPEAKER_01]: And I guess you how spaced out are your girls in age.
7:32
[SPEAKER_01]: Mine are twenty, twenty, eight and thirty at the moment.
7:36
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
7:36
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, so you have a little bit of a, I got a gap.
7:38
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I got a ten year gap.
7:41
[SPEAKER_00]: Very cool.
7:41
[SPEAKER_00]: Yep.
7:42
[SPEAKER_00]: Mother of three girls too.
7:43
[SPEAKER_00]: Everyone on the podcast already knows that, but yeah, there are a handful.
7:47
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's been very interesting raising girls.
7:51
[SPEAKER_01]: It is, it is.
7:52
[SPEAKER_01]: There's a lot to think about.
7:53
[SPEAKER_01]: We want to empower them, but we want to protect them.
7:55
[SPEAKER_01]: We got, you know, it's like that's typing that balance of giving them the independence, but also just making sure that we keep them safe.
8:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
8:04
[SPEAKER_00]: And we can dive into this more too, but social media, like we didn't grow up with that.
8:10
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, this is new.
8:11
[SPEAKER_00]: This is new to this generation.
8:13
[SPEAKER_00]: and just navigating that for me and what the swiping and the comparison and the filters are doing to these young girls.
8:24
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh my God, it is like the conversation that we have to have all the time about what's real, what's not protecting yourself, you know, being very aware of that filtered life and that's not reality.
8:37
[SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely.
8:37
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's such a tough thing for them because with my girls, my older two did not grow up with a cell phone in there.
8:44
[SPEAKER_00]: That's true.
8:45
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
8:45
[SPEAKER_01]: Lip foam.
8:46
[SPEAKER_01]: And then my youngest is a true digital native.
8:49
[SPEAKER_01]: And the difference in raising those two has been remarkable.
8:53
[SPEAKER_01]: So my youngest has really caught me the most.
8:55
[SPEAKER_01]: Just when you think you have it all down with your third child, it's like, oh, God, that youngest one comes through and you learn so many new things.
9:03
[SPEAKER_01]: So yeah, social media has definitely been
9:05
[SPEAKER_01]: a big learning space for me as a physician with my patients coming into the office with questions that they've seen from the media, misinformation they've gotten from TikTok and you know things that they believe so wholeheartedly because they trust these people that are seeing them I know and having to help them back pedal through some of that.
9:26
[SPEAKER_00]: I know.
9:26
[SPEAKER_00]: In my space with like health and fitness, they see so many trends of like what to eat, how to eat, you know, they're, they're running and like always doing cardio and they're like, oh, well, this influencer, you know, she runs like five miles a day and that's how she has a six pack and blah, and I'm, I'm very big on weightlifting and I have my daughters doing that with me.
9:49
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, all my workouts this week is my oldest at home.
9:52
[SPEAKER_00]: We have been training together and that
9:55
[SPEAKER_00]: It's ingrained in their head.
9:56
[SPEAKER_00]: That's how you stay strong.
9:58
[SPEAKER_00]: That's how you stay healthy.
9:59
[SPEAKER_00]: But it is a battle, especially with my youngest one.
10:02
[SPEAKER_00]: And she's just being introduced to like social media and stuff in YouTube.
10:05
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's like, no, no, no, no.
10:08
[SPEAKER_00]: This is how we, I always say this saying, and it's not my saying, but in this home, we train and we eat.
10:14
[SPEAKER_00]: We don't exercise and die it.
10:17
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you so much for saying that and for putting that out in your space because I get asked all the time, like, what's the best diet for my daughter?
10:25
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, like, God, there is no diet for your daughter.
10:28
[SPEAKER_01]: She needs to fuel her body for fun and for fierceness.
10:33
[SPEAKER_01]: That is when I want them how I want them to eat.
10:36
[SPEAKER_01]: I want them to enjoy food.
10:37
[SPEAKER_01]: I also want them to fuel their body for strength and endurance so they can, you know, so they can run far and fast, right?
10:45
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
10:45
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
10:46
[SPEAKER_00]: So I got to know how did you get into this?
10:48
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I know you're an OBGYN and women's health and that space is like what you do.
10:54
[SPEAKER_00]: But how did you dive in where to this with body image and self care and really focusing on, you know,
11:01
[SPEAKER_00]: girl allergy.
11:02
[SPEAKER_01]: I love I love that word and what do we call it a program a class like yeah I kind of platform a platform yeah yeah so I mean as an OBGYN I have seen women my entire career who don't
11:17
[SPEAKER_01]: feel comfortable talking about their body.
11:19
[SPEAKER_01]: They don't take care of their body and they frankly don't know a lot about it.
11:23
[SPEAKER_01]: And so early in my career, I would have these moms ask me like, we talked to my daughter about her periods for sex or whatever.
11:31
[SPEAKER_01]: And I finally realized like the moms wanted their girls to get the best information, but they didn't go for care and because they didn't get it themselves.
11:38
[SPEAKER_01]: So my real goal has been just breaking this generational gap in helping and reducing state generational stigma in our bodies.
11:48
[SPEAKER_01]: One of the things that's just always blew my mind is I see women delivering babies is one of the most amazing things anyone.
11:55
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm so privileged to get to do it and it's like the most powerful thing you'll ever see a woman do.
12:00
[SPEAKER_01]: But I've never heard a woman
12:02
[SPEAKER_01]: During a delivery say, oh my god, my body is so amazing and strong.
12:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Look at what I did.
12:07
[SPEAKER_01]: They're always apologizing for something or saying, oh my god, I don't want to, you know, I don't want to pass the action front of you or I don't want me to see this or oh my god, I don't look, I didn't shave.
12:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Like they're always ashamed.
12:20
[SPEAKER_01]: So anyway, my goal as an OVGYN has been really to just break that because I realized that most girls in her womanhood just unprepared and ashamed of their bodies.
12:30
[SPEAKER_00]: Mm-hmm.
12:31
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
12:31
[SPEAKER_00]: And then when the grandma thinks that, then the past is on the mom, the mom's asking that end of the daughter.
12:36
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, yeah.
12:37
[SPEAKER_01]: And we, we hide our, our tampons and our pads and we talk about those things and whispers.
12:42
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, come on.
12:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Seriously.
12:44
[SPEAKER_00]: Seriously.
12:45
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I, to tell my girls all the time, every female, like, that you see is having a period or did have a period, you know, at one point or, you know, or, or has that pattern on?
12:56
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
12:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Why do you have to hide it and they're always laughing at me because like if we stop at the store and like we're on our period at the same time I'm just like tampons pads put them up there and it's always a guy checking me out and they're like no like this is why are we hiding that we have a period like that's there's nothing new shameful like I'll grab my tampon and walk to the bathroom in the middle of the gym.
13:19
[SPEAKER_00]: They're like oh my god mom.
13:20
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm like no own it
13:22
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, our body, this is what we do.
13:23
[SPEAKER_00]: We don't need to hide that we menstruate.
13:25
[SPEAKER_00]: Come on now.
13:26
[SPEAKER_00]: Please, right?
13:27
[SPEAKER_01]: Like keep modeling that behavior and every time I grow a lot of that behavior and trying to do their kids, it's so true.
13:33
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's one of the boys too.
13:35
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, yeah, it's a period.
13:36
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
13:37
[SPEAKER_01]: Luckily, we have one because that's how human population continues.
13:40
[SPEAKER_01]: You're welcome.
13:42
[SPEAKER_00]: Exactly.
13:45
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
13:45
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, yeah, it just it blows my mind that, you know, my girls have me as a mom and I'm very out there and whatever, and it's still there, like ingrained.
13:55
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
13:56
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, my girls too.
13:57
[SPEAKER_01]: My husband is also an OBGYN and so I mean, they got a double dose.
14:01
[SPEAKER_01]: of gynecology and talk at the dinner table and still sometimes they'll say something like, oh, Mom, are we going to talk about penises again?
14:09
[SPEAKER_01]: Are we going to talk about this?
14:11
[SPEAKER_01]: What are we doing here?
14:12
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, you know, there's just no shame in it.
14:14
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
14:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, that's, you know, that it just shows how important it is to help guide them in society and how impactful that is.
14:23
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, because our kids have us as parents in their face every single day in what we do and it still influences them.
14:30
[SPEAKER_00]: So breaking that cycle.
14:32
[SPEAKER_01]: And you know, I will say having the twenty eight thirty year old.
14:35
[SPEAKER_01]: They're very confident now.
14:36
[SPEAKER_01]: They are comfortable talking about that.
14:38
[SPEAKER_01]: They talk at their partners about it.
14:40
[SPEAKER_01]: And so that's, you know, all I could hope for, right?
14:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
14:43
[SPEAKER_01]: I love it.
14:44
[SPEAKER_01]: And they're comfortable in their bodies.
14:46
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
14:46
[SPEAKER_00]: So you guys have classes now.
14:49
[SPEAKER_00]: We were talking about this before we hit record everyone.
14:52
[SPEAKER_00]: And she was telling me about neurology and these classes that they have.
14:56
[SPEAKER_00]: And I want you to tell me all the details on that, too.
14:58
[SPEAKER_00]: But the biggest thing that striked me was how you, and, and wordy diving into it, right, with like, changing this, this generational stigma.
15:07
[SPEAKER_00]: And these classes, how they address body image working with the girls.
15:12
[SPEAKER_00]: But the focus is also on the moms.
15:15
[UNKNOWN]: Yeah.
15:16
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, when you said that, I got like chills.
15:18
[SPEAKER_00]: I kind of start sweating a little bit like you triggered something in me because she's jailed in your body.
15:23
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, it's so important.
15:25
[SPEAKER_00]: So tell us about these and then we'll riff off that.
15:27
[SPEAKER_00]: We'll go back and forth.
15:29
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, so neurology is a digital platform and we have classes for girls.
15:33
[SPEAKER_01]: And free parenting information for moms.
15:37
[SPEAKER_01]: And one of the most common requests we got from moms in our community was can you please help my daughter with body image.
15:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, we talk about security and periods in skin care and mental health.
15:47
[SPEAKER_01]: All of that is in our platform.
15:48
[SPEAKER_01]: But the most common request we get is can you help my daughter's body image.
15:52
[SPEAKER_01]: And I don't know what to say or do.
15:54
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know if I'm harming her.
15:56
[SPEAKER_01]: So we looked at what was out there, all the things that are out there.
16:00
[SPEAKER_01]: And you know, job has done the campaign for real beauty, which was great to have super full act.
16:05
[SPEAKER_01]: It raises awareness that there is no tool that's really.
16:09
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, moving the needle and helping people become less critical of their own body.
16:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
16:15
[SPEAKER_01]: So we dove into the research brought in a psychologist who's brilliant and she really did a deep dive into the research and the therapeutic models and what works.
16:25
[SPEAKER_01]: And we built a class.
16:26
[SPEAKER_01]: We simplified all that complicated science into a very simple class for girls.
16:31
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's targeted towards middle school and high school girls.
16:33
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's like ten short videos.
16:35
[SPEAKER_01]: It's led by some college girls that are just very inspirational and fun.
16:40
[SPEAKER_01]: And so as we started to release that class, the girls kept commenting, like, oh, I wish my mom could take this class.
16:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, I wish you would say this to my mom.
16:50
[SPEAKER_01]: And so that's when we realized we've got to do this for the moms.
16:54
[SPEAKER_01]: So we know that moms are not as good at taking time for themselves to do or quite bad.
17:00
[SPEAKER_01]: So we created a coaching series.
17:02
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like one simple thing to do every week that will guide you toward being more embodied.
17:08
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, this whole class is based on the theory of embodiment, which is being the subject, your body is the subject of your life, what you live through, what you experience things through, what you fun with and less as the object.
17:21
[SPEAKER_01]: to be engaged upon, to be critiqued, to be judged.
17:24
[SPEAKER_01]: And I mean, that's kind of the essence of embodiment being in your body.
17:27
[SPEAKER_01]: And so we created these based on therapy, based on scientific research, what works in helping people become more embodying.
17:37
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's one simple thing to do every week.
17:39
[SPEAKER_01]: We release a new video every week.
17:41
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a few minutes.
17:42
[SPEAKER_01]: We can watch it in cartoon line.
17:44
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's how we're helping.
17:45
[SPEAKER_00]: That's cool.
17:47
[SPEAKER_00]: That is so cool.
17:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh my god, Melissa, I have so much to say on this and just stop me and interject like because in the work that I do and working with health and working out and fitness and self-love and confidence and I work with the moms.
18:02
[SPEAKER_00]: And one of the biggest things that I am always talking about is like, yes, yes.
18:06
[SPEAKER_00]: This is for you, Mama.
18:07
[SPEAKER_00]: Like this is for you.
18:09
[SPEAKER_00]: We're gonna get you strong, but also this is so not for you.
18:13
[SPEAKER_00]: You are the role model and you are guiding your children on how to love themselves and people get mad at me Melissa all the time when I say, your daughter is going to learn herself confidence in herself love through you and absolutely don't have it.
18:29
[SPEAKER_00]: It's going to impact her.
18:31
[SPEAKER_00]: How do you ever expect her to have it?
18:33
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
18:33
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, we also know from research in the extreme case, which is eating disorders, we know that the biggest influencer on that is the mother's session about food and dieting and exercise.
18:46
[SPEAKER_01]: And so we always say that you are her biggest influencer.
18:50
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, social media has a huge impact.
18:52
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, there are social and cultural factors that influence the way we all feel about our bodies, but mothers are the biggest influencer.
19:00
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
19:00
[SPEAKER_00]: And I want that to be a part of everyone's why, like because we're talking about like, what's your vision?
19:07
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, who do you truly want to become?
19:08
[SPEAKER_00]: Because usually as a mom, you have no idea.
19:10
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, you're like, I don't know, I want to lose thirty pounds.
19:13
[SPEAKER_00]: That's not enough.
19:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
19:15
[SPEAKER_00]: It was not enough.
19:16
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to who you want to become and focus on her.
19:18
[SPEAKER_00]: But then why?
19:19
[SPEAKER_00]: And I really push on your children, especially girls to be a huge part of your why.
19:25
[SPEAKER_00]: And I was just just yesterday I was doing this.
19:28
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm thinking of putting like a reel together.
19:30
[SPEAKER_00]: And I know it's going to ruffle a lot of feathers.
19:32
[SPEAKER_00]: You'll love this.
19:32
[SPEAKER_00]: But
19:33
[SPEAKER_00]: I was doing sled work with my daughters.
19:36
[SPEAKER_00]: So like I said, we've been working out a lot together because I'm just trying to like maximize that time, you know, and teaching my daughters how to lift and my daughter will go back to college and she needs these tools.
19:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Like her knowing how to properly lift and eat and take care of herself.
19:51
[SPEAKER_00]: That is a skill I need her to go off with and we're working on it.
19:54
[SPEAKER_00]: She's doing really good.
19:56
[SPEAKER_00]: But we had two sleds going because my other one is smaller and little and she had less weight.
20:01
[SPEAKER_00]: And we would push a sled and then we would do walking lunches back.
20:05
[SPEAKER_00]: And mean, my oldest could push more weight.
20:08
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, you're going to push up my own pushes.
20:09
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm just sitting here thinking this, taking this in and like, people watch us.
20:14
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, I can tell people were watching us because we're not stopping.
20:18
[SPEAKER_00]: And my younger one kept right up.
20:20
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm sitting here going,
20:22
[SPEAKER_00]: How many other moms do this with their kids?
20:25
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
20:25
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
20:26
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm strength training is such an important thing to teach girls.
20:31
[SPEAKER_01]: Because it is a lifetime.
20:33
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I'm in a causal and I strength trained twice a week.
20:37
[SPEAKER_01]: You a trainer will fix.
20:39
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I'm I'm an old lady, but it is important.
20:42
[SPEAKER_01]: It is so important.
20:43
[SPEAKER_01]: And doing that with your daughters is again, and just role modeling what matters to you and you're not
20:49
[SPEAKER_01]: in the gym, you know, trying to look at yourself and all that you are working hard and you are sweating and you are doing the thing.
20:56
[SPEAKER_01]: I love that.
20:57
[SPEAKER_01]: And we can push back sometimes in our community because we actually have some videos on why your daughter should be strengthening.
21:05
[SPEAKER_01]: And you know, parents or parents are like, oh, they're too young or oh, it'll hurt their reproductive tract.
21:10
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know.
21:11
[SPEAKER_01]: It will not.
21:13
[SPEAKER_01]: But it is so important.
21:15
[SPEAKER_01]: And I love that you do that with your daughters.
21:17
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, what a great way to spend time together.
21:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Quality time is one of those, the most protective factors for risk taking.
21:25
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, this is a whole different topic.
21:26
[SPEAKER_01]: But just that kind of quality time is setting your daughters up to take less dangerous risk in the future.
21:32
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, that's all this cycle of research.
21:35
[SPEAKER_01]: It's important.
21:36
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's a great way to spend time with them.
21:39
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and if we're not modeling that as the mom kids will seek out role models.
21:45
[SPEAKER_00]: It's just how it is.
21:46
[SPEAKER_00]: They need someone to be like, who am I going to be like, you know, who am I going to look and it'll end up it'll be a Kardashian.
21:52
[SPEAKER_00]: It will be so.
21:53
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you know, that like, but I also say that there are plenty of months out there who don't do things like that and they're like, I can never do that, but you know,
22:02
[SPEAKER_01]: What I want to say is that there is no shame in starting right and there's no there's no right or wrong time like today just just try something your daughters don't need you to be perfect and let's need to see you try they just need to hear you say I'm doing this because I want to be strong not I'm doing this because I want to fit in my skinny jeans
22:24
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
22:24
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that that verbiage is so key.
22:28
[SPEAKER_00]: Everything is about power and strength.
22:30
[SPEAKER_00]: We're doing a power and strength, not for a skinny waist and a big butt.
22:33
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
22:34
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, and I think they're so much power in a woman.
22:40
[SPEAKER_00]: starting a journey and kind of feeling and then getting back up.
22:44
[SPEAKER_00]: I am constantly telling my clients that there is no shame in bumps in the road and falling off track because your kids are going to see, oh, wow.
22:54
[SPEAKER_00]: Mom's not giving up.
22:55
[SPEAKER_00]: We had a really rough summer or, you know, we had a lot of camping or mom didn't stick to that thing that she was going to do, but look, oh, she's doing it again.
23:02
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, doing it again, mom.
23:03
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, and like let this guy know what, where's human?
23:06
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, thank you.
23:07
[SPEAKER_00]: It's going to be happening.
23:09
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not going to be perfect.
23:10
[SPEAKER_00]: My kids, I mean, they were younger, but they have seen me transform from fat to fit and fit to fat a couple times.
23:17
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
23:17
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, that's the way our bodies are.
23:19
[SPEAKER_01]: That's the other thing that's important in this embodiment journey is just recognizing that your body transition still many times in your life.
23:26
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, yes, puberty and adolescents, if they huge one, and that's a tough one to adjust to.
23:30
[SPEAKER_01]: pregnancy and the postpartum period are huge.
23:34
[SPEAKER_01]: And pairing them up is huge.
23:36
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, we are going to go through these times in our life where our body, we don't even recognize our body, we don't know how to care for our body.
23:43
[SPEAKER_01]: But if we stay focused on caring for our body with true, like,
23:49
[SPEAKER_01]: intention to for wellness and being in our body.
23:53
[SPEAKER_01]: It's so much better than trying to care for our body to be skinny again, or to, you know, to look a certain way the society thinks we should look.
24:01
[SPEAKER_01]: But just knowing that we have these transition, it's just a part of life.
24:05
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
24:06
[SPEAKER_01]: We've all been through it.
24:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Hey, bomb life fam.
24:10
[SPEAKER_00]: I have a question for you.
24:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Are you the kind of person who crushes it at work shows up for your family checks off every to do list?
24:16
[SPEAKER_00]: But when it comes to your fitness, your energy and your confidence.
24:19
[SPEAKER_00]: It feels like something's missing.
24:20
[SPEAKER_00]: You might be doing the workouts listening to all the right podcasts.
24:23
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, you are listening to this one.
24:24
[SPEAKER_00]: But deep down, you know you're just kind of going through the motions and you're done playing small in this area of life.
24:29
[SPEAKER_00]: That's exactly why I created FitMine Coaching.
24:32
[SPEAKER_00]: My private one-on-one program for high-achieving women and men who are ready to level up.
24:37
[SPEAKER_00]: This isn't just another fitness plan.
24:38
[SPEAKER_00]: This is about building the body and the mindset to match the life you're working so damn hard for.
24:43
[SPEAKER_00]: Because success in business means nothing if you're hiding in hoodies, avoiding mirrors, or dragging through your day with your energy.
24:50
[SPEAKER_00]: Or, showing up on Zoom meetings, feeling good from the chest up, but praying no one ever sees what's going on below the screen.
24:56
[SPEAKER_00]: We're talking about fat loss, muscle building, and real confidence that bleeds into every area of your life.
25:01
[SPEAKER_00]: Your boredom, your bedroom, and your parenting.
25:03
[SPEAKER_00]: You want it all?
25:04
[SPEAKER_00]: Good.
25:05
[SPEAKER_00]: You should have it all.
25:06
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's go.
25:07
[SPEAKER_00]: Click the link in the show notes and book your free call with me today.
25:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's build the strongest, most confident version of you inside and out.
25:13
[SPEAKER_00]: You're ready for more, and I'm ready to show you how back to the show.
25:19
[SPEAKER_00]: We have to let go of the shame.
25:20
[SPEAKER_00]: There's women carry so much shame around embarrassed.
25:23
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm embarrassed that I got this big, or I'm embarrassed that my kids see me this way, or I was with a client this weekend in Utah, and we went to the gym, and we were training in our daughter came.
25:34
[SPEAKER_00]: She said, do you care?
25:35
[SPEAKER_00]: She comes with me.
25:35
[SPEAKER_00]: No, let her come.
25:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Like we can hook her up with baby weights and but she's going to be in the environment.
25:41
[SPEAKER_00]: She's going to see us and I was over on a machine at one point.
25:44
[SPEAKER_00]: I turn and she was like, you're a beast mom.
25:47
[SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, I love it.
25:48
[SPEAKER_00]: I just got chills up my arm.
25:50
[SPEAKER_00]: I was like, I love it.
25:51
[SPEAKER_00]: And I didn't say anything.
25:53
[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't say like, did you hear that?
25:54
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I didn't make a big deal.
25:55
[SPEAKER_00]: I just let it be there little, you know, thing going on.
25:57
[SPEAKER_00]: And then later I brought up in the car to her.
25:59
[SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, your daughter just called you a beast in the gym.
26:04
[SPEAKER_00]: on a pride.
26:05
[SPEAKER_00]: That was freaking cool.
26:07
[SPEAKER_01]: That's magical because, you know, we coming back to just the way mothers and daughters influence each other.
26:13
[SPEAKER_01]: We treated, we did the mothers class so they could help their daughters body image, but get flat.
26:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Their daughters learn the same language and they
26:21
[SPEAKER_01]: They learn how to change the critic in their head, and they reflect that back to their mothers, and they help their mothers.
26:29
[SPEAKER_01]: And that is a beautiful thing when your daughters.
26:33
[SPEAKER_01]: I had an experience recently.
26:34
[SPEAKER_01]: I drew menopause, I developed a frozen shoulder, which is very common, despite the fact that I was on menopausal hormones, which helps reduce that.
26:42
[SPEAKER_01]: But anyway, I'm a water skier, and I couldn't water ski for two summers.
26:46
[SPEAKER_01]: And I went back to the gym with the soul focus of being able to water see it again.
26:50
[SPEAKER_01]: And that was my whole goal.
26:52
[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, I want to work my shoulders.
26:53
[SPEAKER_01]: I want to make sure I can get up on a slalom ski and I did just well two summers ago when I got back up on a ball on my girls were like.
27:02
[SPEAKER_01]: You did it.
27:03
[SPEAKER_01]: You did it.
27:03
[SPEAKER_01]: You're stuck.
27:04
[SPEAKER_01]: And they said the same thing.
27:05
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, you're such a badass mom.
27:07
[SPEAKER_01]: And you know, it's just like, that gave me more confidence.
27:10
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'll tell you, like, go through and pause.
27:11
[SPEAKER_01]: My confidence dropped tremendously because I definitely had somebody shifting.
27:15
[SPEAKER_01]: And that was the first time I was like, I feel really strong.
27:19
[SPEAKER_01]: And my girls recognized it.
27:21
[SPEAKER_01]: And it just was so special to me to hear them say that.
27:25
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
27:25
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's what they're going to remember.
27:27
[SPEAKER_00]: And when they hit your age, they're going to know that this is possible.
27:31
[SPEAKER_00]: There's going to be ups and downs.
27:32
[SPEAKER_00]: Sure.
27:33
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
27:34
[SPEAKER_00]: But yeah, you're going to show them and remind them and teach them that you can end up on top.
27:39
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't have to succumb to aging and metaphors and hormones and, like, just fall apart.
27:44
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
27:45
[SPEAKER_00]: To eighty pounds overweight, just because you're older.
27:47
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, no, screw that.
27:49
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
27:50
[SPEAKER_00]: All right, it's just it's so important to do this for you and to do it for them.
27:55
[SPEAKER_00]: And I love that you have these classes and this platform to help to help us because if we don't do these things, if we don't create tools like this, if women like you and I don't talk about this, it will never stop.
28:06
[SPEAKER_00]: It's going to keep going.
28:08
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and I'll tell you the other thing is this is more than just feeling good about ourselves and making our daughters feel good about themselves.
28:14
[SPEAKER_01]: It truly has some health implications.
28:16
[SPEAKER_01]: And to me, when you learn to really get into with your body and feel the sensations in your body, like, oh, I'm feeling tingley here.
28:28
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm feeling a pain here.
28:29
[SPEAKER_01]: We are so taught to dissociate from our bodies and be in our heads as children.
28:34
[SPEAKER_01]: Like for our children, when they say, I'm hungry, you're like, oh, no, you're not.
28:37
[SPEAKER_01]: You can wait till dinner.
28:38
[SPEAKER_01]: You're teaching them to ignore their body signals.
28:41
[SPEAKER_01]: And so when you, and that's taught, so it can be unlearned.
28:45
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's one of the things that we do in this class, like unlearning, staying in your head and learning how to connect the mind and body.
28:51
[SPEAKER_01]: For me, as a physician, why this is so important is that when you are more connected to your body and you send signals, you don't ignore that little pain you've been having in your right side.
29:01
[SPEAKER_01]: It just comes and goes and it's just a little nuisance and you're too busy to go to the doctor.
29:07
[SPEAKER_01]: We diagnose things more timely.
29:09
[SPEAKER_01]: Things aren't missed.
29:11
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, girls recognize their menstrual symptoms more.
29:14
[SPEAKER_01]: They come in earlier.
29:16
[SPEAKER_01]: We diagnose intermediaries this earlier.
29:18
[SPEAKER_01]: We diagnose PCOS earlier.
29:20
[SPEAKER_01]: We diagnose PNDD earlier.
29:23
[SPEAKER_01]: So being in tune with your body.
29:25
[SPEAKER_01]: also helps you learn where the other things we talk about is your voice, learning to advocate for yourself, so learning how to speak up and say, I'm not feeling well, this isn't right, and learning how to take that to your healthcare provider.
29:39
[SPEAKER_01]: So for me, there's this secondary and gain in helping people be healthier.
29:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, closing some of these gaps in women's health care, so it doesn't take an average of seven years to diagnose and to nutritious.
29:50
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
29:51
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
29:51
[SPEAKER_01]: So those are the things that are also really important to me.
29:55
[SPEAKER_01]: So having a physician and a psychologist pulled us together.
29:58
[SPEAKER_01]: I think both just brought ourselfish needs and the why but it's been it's just been one of the most exciting things I've worked on in a long time because I really do think it can change the future for women.
30:12
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, we raise our next generation to be strong and to know their body and to feel comfortable, their body and have no shame.
30:19
[SPEAKER_00]: Where do you think that started?
30:21
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, what is your thoughts on that dissociation?
30:24
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, why do you think that's such a thing?
30:27
[SPEAKER_01]: And we know, I think our society has gotten so busy that we're in our heads a lot, you know?
30:34
[SPEAKER_01]: And when things are going on in our body, it's like, like,
30:38
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm feeling a little hungry right now, but I'm not going to get up and go eat.
30:42
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not going to respond right now to that exact body sensation.
30:47
[SPEAKER_01]: I think it's Todd.
30:48
[SPEAKER_01]: We teach our kids like in a car ride.
30:50
[SPEAKER_01]: Mom, I have to pee.
30:52
[SPEAKER_01]: You can hold it a little longer.
30:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
30:55
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, we do it all the time.
30:56
[SPEAKER_01]: And sometimes we have to do it, but we need to we need to.
31:01
[SPEAKER_01]: help our kids not to associate from their bodies when they feel something children are very embodied.
31:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Like think about your four year old self or your four year old daughters.
31:10
[SPEAKER_01]: They were running around goofy, not caring about what people look like, what people were looking at them.
31:15
[SPEAKER_01]: They were just having fun in their body.
31:17
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
31:18
[SPEAKER_01]: And then they are taught that, oh, as they get to adolescent, and their brain is changing.
31:23
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, so some of this is biological.
31:26
[SPEAKER_01]: They become a little more concerned about what other people are thinking.
31:29
[SPEAKER_01]: They become a little more self-judgmental.
31:31
[SPEAKER_01]: And society has put so many pressures on us that they start criticizing and being embarrassed and judging themselves.
31:39
[SPEAKER_01]: And they stop.
31:42
[SPEAKER_01]: being embodied.
31:43
[SPEAKER_01]: They just unlearn it and they learned it to dissociate.
31:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Like the fact that sometimes when you're in the shower, you know, we're so busy all the time and you're in the shower, you're rushing here, you think that you're to do list for the day and you're rinsing off and then I'll send you like, how did I even wash my hair?
31:58
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, so we just, we just don't pay attention.
32:02
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a lot of it's mindfulness too, right?
32:04
[SPEAKER_01]: It's just learning to be more mindful.
32:06
[SPEAKER_00]: Right, I can't believe how many women don't know where they're at in their cycle, and they don't know the phases and stages of like when to become.
32:18
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't make crucial decisions or have crucial conversations, you know, that before your period and that is not the week to train hard into PR and they don't know the time they're cycle where they do feel more
32:31
[SPEAKER_00]: energized, energized and and powerated Jim and how much of a small window we truly do have to make gains like in the gym and into lift heavy and stuff like we ride this roller coaster and women don't know when their peaks are and when to like go for it and it blows my mind yeah
32:54
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, and there's a lot of women who those peaks and valleys are so disrupted to their life.
32:59
[SPEAKER_01]: They say also need medical attention to help through those out.
33:05
[SPEAKER_01]: And there's no one way that works for everyone.
33:07
[SPEAKER_01]: And there is some really interesting evidence coming out on, you know, the mystery cycle and working out.
33:13
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm eager.
33:14
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm so happy that there is more research happening in this area, because I think we're getting we're learning a lot.
33:20
[SPEAKER_01]: And like learning how to tailor your workout to your menstrual cycle is super cool for athlete.
33:27
[SPEAKER_01]: I love that the US National Women's soccer team all track their cycles and look at their self in relation.
33:33
[SPEAKER_01]: It's so cool.
33:33
[SPEAKER_01]: And so we're learning a lot from that.
33:35
[SPEAKER_01]: But yeah, that's all about paying attention to your body and what works for you.
33:38
[SPEAKER_01]: Can you tailor your workout to your mental cycle or is your mental cycle so disruptive that you can't even get out of bed for a week before and you just need a better method.
33:46
[SPEAKER_01]: So there's no shame in anything going on hormones to stop your cycle if you need to.
33:51
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, that has been life-saving for some people really using the power of your hormonal fluctuations to enhance your life.
33:58
[SPEAKER_01]: That has been life-changing for some people.
34:00
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that it's all about knowing yourself and that is why we have to pay attention to our bodies.
34:06
[SPEAKER_00]: Right, right, which like brings everything that we're talking about together and that self-awareness and self-love.
34:12
[SPEAKER_00]: And because it does go back to a self-love of like loving yourself enough to make you a priority to pay attention to those things, to make it not be a thing that you're like, I don't have time for that.
34:22
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't matter.
34:23
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
34:24
[SPEAKER_01]: And we do that as not there is a lot.
34:26
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
34:27
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, like, especially early, like in the early childhood years, we ignore our need so much.
34:33
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's again, one of those cycles that we go through and know where our bodies may not be great.
34:38
[SPEAKER_00]: I think that's probably one of the biggest stages that sets women off down the wrong path is that early childhood time, you know, when you have little ones and you have three under the age of five.
34:51
[SPEAKER_00]: And yeah.
34:52
[SPEAKER_00]: you get so wrapped up in that and so lost and people aren't talking and then, you know, before you know it, your five year old is now fifteen.
35:00
[SPEAKER_00]: And you're still ignoring yourself.
35:02
[SPEAKER_00]: We're still ignoring ourselves, but now they're older and they're more self-sufficient.
35:07
[SPEAKER_00]: And so now you do have that space to be a little bit more aware of yourself and women are going, holy God, what happened to me?
35:14
[SPEAKER_00]: What happened to me?
35:15
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't even know who I am.
35:16
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't even recognize myself.
35:17
[SPEAKER_00]: And now they're not asking me for snacks every ten minutes.
35:20
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm just more of a show for her.
35:21
[SPEAKER_00]: And they've lost their identity.
35:23
[SPEAKER_00]: They're so lost and confused.
35:24
[SPEAKER_01]: That's so true.
35:26
[SPEAKER_01]: But you know, you're right.
35:27
[SPEAKER_01]: People aren't talking about that enough.
35:29
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think the more we talk about it, the more we give you to their permission to say, yeah, you know what, that was a tough season.
35:35
[SPEAKER_01]: But now watch me.
35:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
35:37
[SPEAKER_01]: Let me start stepping back into myself and taking care of myself.
35:42
[SPEAKER_01]: And if those kids get more independent, it is a perfect time to find a new hobby, establish a new workout, take care of yourself, spend more time with your partner.
35:50
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, it's a great time in life.
35:53
[SPEAKER_01]: If you let it be, then you get out of that little cycle.
35:56
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
35:57
[SPEAKER_00]: So tell me like, what are some like essential things that will help us
36:02
[SPEAKER_00]: that we can start like today having conversations with our daughters that's going to like help them like protect their health for the rest of their life.
36:09
[SPEAKER_00]: What are a couple things that we can start doing with our daughters?
36:12
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I mean, obviously depends on the age of your daughter.
36:15
[SPEAKER_01]: But I think there are conversations you can have at every age and stage that get layered onto each other.
36:21
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
36:21
[SPEAKER_01]: So like you don't need to tell your four-year-old all the details about let's say periods, but the fact that they see you changing a pattern or something in the
36:30
[SPEAKER_01]: bathroom normalizes it.
36:32
[SPEAKER_01]: So one of the first things I say is body literacy is super important.
36:37
[SPEAKER_01]: They need to know their body.
36:38
[SPEAKER_01]: They need to know the names of all their body parts and not have a, you know, silly names for their parts because and again, just coming from the medical background, that is one of the most protected factors against sexual abuse.
36:50
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's not just about giving them language to talk about paying for protecting them.
36:55
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
36:56
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, kids who use silly names, then I'll tell you, it's just a really sad story.
37:00
[SPEAKER_01]: I practice pediatric and adolescent gynecology is one of my specialties.
37:04
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
37:04
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I did a lot of work in sexual abuse.
37:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, there was a little girl that was brought to me one time.
37:09
[SPEAKER_01]: And she kept telling her parents that her uncle was playing in your pocketbook.
37:13
[SPEAKER_01]: And she was using the term pocketbook for her vulva.
37:16
[SPEAKER_01]: That was what she had been taught.
37:20
[SPEAKER_01]: But her, whoever she had told, and I don't remember the details because these years ago, but whoever she had told didn't realize that that's what she was telling them.
37:27
[SPEAKER_01]: And when she came to my office, we finally had a conversation where we got that information out.
37:33
[SPEAKER_01]: So using those silly names is not helpful for anything.
37:36
[SPEAKER_00]: Interesting.
37:37
[SPEAKER_01]: So teach them from the very start.
37:39
[SPEAKER_01]: They learn eyes, nose, ears, right?
37:41
[SPEAKER_01]: They need to learn vulva, right?
37:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, I know.
37:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Clitoris, things like that.
37:45
[SPEAKER_01]: So body literacy is really important.
37:48
[SPEAKER_01]: And then consent is another one of those things that is you can start when their children and continue to layer as they age because what that teaches is about healthy relationships.
37:59
[SPEAKER_01]: And one of one of the biggest health problems for women in the United States is
38:05
[SPEAKER_01]: intimate partner violence or relationship violence.
38:08
[SPEAKER_01]: And so teaching kids can set out a negotiate in relationship is a really powerful tool for raising competent daughters.
38:16
[SPEAKER_01]: And then teaching them to advocate for themselves to find their voice to speak up to learn to say things that they want to say without fear of being judged or criminal.
38:26
[SPEAKER_01]: And then of course, learning to be in body, be in their body, learning in bodyment.
38:31
[SPEAKER_01]: I think we'll protect their health.
38:33
[SPEAKER_01]: because they'll recognize.
38:35
[SPEAKER_01]: Instead of running on an injured knee for three months and then having a messed up hip, they will learn to get attention and do that self care.
38:42
[SPEAKER_01]: That's required.
38:43
[SPEAKER_01]: So I think those are like, they're very big bucket of advice, but I think those are things that are really important in raising competent girls.
38:50
[SPEAKER_01]: If we raise them with those things, self advocacy, understanding healthy relationships, understanding their body and advocating for their body, that covers almost all the other things that are the biggest health
39:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and just that like I love this.
39:06
[SPEAKER_00]: That was great.
39:07
[SPEAKER_00]: Like in your right, it just leads to so much more, but just like using their voice.
39:12
[SPEAKER_00]: Everything that you just said like is summarized into like using your voice and being okay with that.
39:18
[SPEAKER_00]: Our episode that comes out today.
39:19
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, today, today's Thursday, we launched a new one and it's actually with my sixteen year old daughter and it's she was on before and it's it's a part two.
39:27
[SPEAKER_00]: So that'll be cool that they'll have the people will be able to listen to this and go back and listen to that one too and kind of make more connections because we talk about in that episode of making choices for you and for your life regardless of how that's going to make someone else feel.
39:42
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
39:43
[SPEAKER_00]: and she had a lot of life changing decisions to make and I had to keep asking her like well why wouldn't you what's holding you back in every single reason that she wasn't moving forward with something and making decisions because while this person will fill this way or what if this person is mad and it just it needed an episode and a name and I'm so glad we did it and now we're talking about this because you know
40:05
[SPEAKER_00]: how many women do you see seriously that got stuck into a situation or a sexual situation and turned into abuse because they were like, I didn't want to say anything.
40:15
[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't want to speak up.
40:16
[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't want to hurt his feelings.
40:18
[SPEAKER_00]: So I just let hate.
40:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
40:20
[SPEAKER_01]: It's powerful.
40:22
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think like you said, even as a four year old learning the proper words, using your voice, saying things that's going to carry that little four year old when she's twelve and fifteen and be like, no, I have learned boundaries since I was four.
40:36
[SPEAKER_01]: Exactly.
40:37
[SPEAKER_01]: Exactly.
40:38
[SPEAKER_01]: And I've been shown that my boundaries matter has my parents recognized that when I said no, they stop even if it was tickling, right?
40:46
[SPEAKER_01]: There's so many ways to teach those lessons.
40:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh my god, Melissa, you're so fabulous.
40:50
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, this is such a fun conversation.
40:53
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, it makes my heart warm.
40:56
[SPEAKER_01]: It's platform and you are just, you know, modeling this and talking about this and putting this out for women.
41:01
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm sure man too, but yeah, I just think it's so important.
41:05
[SPEAKER_00]: Can we hit that just really quick?
41:06
[SPEAKER_00]: I know we're almost out of time because we do have a lot of male listeners.
41:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
41:10
[SPEAKER_00]: And the number one guy that will probably listen to this episode is a single dad.
41:15
[SPEAKER_00]: go on.
41:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, maybe I should listen to something about and there there's a lot of health there right now raising kids on their own or at least you know, splitting the time and during that time, they have these daughters and they're like, I don't know what to do or like how to talk.
41:28
[SPEAKER_00]: Do any tips or advice for a, you know, a dad that's got younger girls and he's going, I don't know what to do with this or how to talk to him about their body, like an, I don't want to screw him up.
41:39
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I think dads have such a wonderful way of bringing kind of fun and a little silliness and a little just like bro energy into these conversations.
41:51
[SPEAKER_01]: Because as moms, we, you know, we've lived it and we have some emotional baggage attached to a lot of these conversations.
41:58
[SPEAKER_01]: And dads can just enter them like matter of fact.
42:01
[SPEAKER_01]: Like this is the deal.
42:02
[SPEAKER_01]: You have a body.
42:03
[SPEAKER_01]: I have a body.
42:04
[SPEAKER_01]: We all have body parts.
42:05
[SPEAKER_01]: things like that, but being willing to talk about it.
42:08
[SPEAKER_01]: And if they get out of their comfort zone, and we've had a lot of single stats in the global opportunity community as well.
42:13
[SPEAKER_01]: And, you know, many of them have said, like the best thing that I ever did was to find a surrogate for, you know, a woman that might, I trust for my daughter to tone to, who has our same family values, who I know will get lead her well, but they should not fear away from talking about your experience.
42:30
[SPEAKER_01]: they should not stay away from talking about healthy relationship.
42:35
[SPEAKER_01]: And I know for my own husband with three daughters.
42:38
[SPEAKER_01]: He's told them a lot of things about the way dudes are.
42:41
[SPEAKER_01]: And I mean, unfortunately, we have raised men in our current culture, not the best way.
42:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
42:48
[SPEAKER_01]: They're not in their ambitions, always say.
42:50
[SPEAKER_01]: And so it's just really nice sometimes for girls to hear what guys really think sometimes and learn how to counter that.
42:58
[SPEAKER_01]: I love a necessary.
42:59
[SPEAKER_00]: That is so perfect.
43:01
[SPEAKER_00]: I was like a perfect response to that.
43:02
[SPEAKER_00]: That was great.
43:04
[SPEAKER_00]: Melissa, how can people find you?
43:06
[SPEAKER_00]: What is your social media?
43:07
[SPEAKER_00]: We'll put everything in the show notes too.
43:09
[SPEAKER_00]: But what's your social media?
43:10
[SPEAKER_00]: How can people find these classes like give us the lowdown?
43:13
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, they can just go to girlology.com.
43:16
[SPEAKER_01]: There's a website or the girlology app is free Google Play and the Apple Store.
43:21
[SPEAKER_01]: And they can access.
43:22
[SPEAKER_01]: They can see everything that we have in our platform through both of those.
43:25
[SPEAKER_01]: And we're also on Instagram and our handle with at girlology.
43:28
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh my god, I love it.
43:30
[SPEAKER_00]: I love it.
43:30
[SPEAKER_00]: Melissa, keep doing what you're doing because it matters.
43:35
[SPEAKER_00]: It matters.
43:36
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm so happy that we got connected and that we get to like share this power, just make unicorn magic everywhere.
43:46
[SPEAKER_00]: This is perfect.
43:47
[SPEAKER_00]: This is exactly what this podcast needed and you are such a blessing to have on.
43:51
[SPEAKER_00]: So thank you so much.
43:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Your platform is important too.
43:54
[SPEAKER_00]: So thank you for the work that you're doing.
43:56
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm appreciate you taking out the time.
44:02
[SPEAKER_00]: She's a busy woman, and she took time to be here.
44:05
[SPEAKER_00]: So thank you.
44:05
[SPEAKER_00]: Everyone, check out the show notes.
44:07
[SPEAKER_00]: Go look up this information, start taking action steps today.
44:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Again, this is one of those episodes that I think could be life-changing.
44:13
[SPEAKER_00]: A mom, a dad is listening to this going, ooh, I gotta make some changes here.
44:18
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, thank you for being a part of that.
44:19
[SPEAKER_01]: I think I have to start.
44:21
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you so much, Melissa.
44:22
[SPEAKER_00]: Everyone, stay safe, stay healthy, until next time.
44:29
[SPEAKER_00]: The bottom-life podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only.
44:32
[SPEAKER_00]: The content shared here is not intended as medical, legal, or professional advice.
44:35
[SPEAKER_00]: Always consult with the qualified professionals before making any health fitness, financial, or legal decisions.
44:39
[SPEAKER_00]: The opinions shared on this podcast are personal experiences and insight.
44:43
[SPEAKER_00]: So if you need expert guidance, go find the right professional for you.
44:47
[SPEAKER_00]: Thanks for listening.