Latest / The Art of Love With Lucia / Episode 641: The REAL Reason Women Can't Stand Nice Guys

Transcript

Episode 641: The REAL Reason Women Can't Stand Nice Guys · The Art of Love With Lucia

• 0:01
  All right, all right, calm down. If you're a guy, and especially
• 0:06
  if you call yourself a nice guy and you saw the title of this
• 0:10
  and it triggered you, then this video is definitely for you.
• 0:16
  You've probably been dumped and or friend zoned because of your
• 0:20
  niceness and I'm going to explain the real reason why
• 0:24
  women can't stand a nice guy and what you can do about it.
• 0:27
  Hi, this is Lucia with The Art of Love.
• 0:29
  I'm a dating and relationship expert specializing in helping
• 0:32
  you get your ex back or to get over your ex and welcome back no
• 0:36
  contact army. Have you been a good little
• 0:38
  soldier? If you have, then you've
• 0:40
  downloaded my app Silencio. The link is underneath every
• 0:43
  single video and podcast and if you too would like to join our
• 0:46
  No Contact army, all you have to do is hit the subscribe button
• 0:50
  and the bell notification and you're in.
• 0:54
  And to read our manual, go to nocontactsecrets.com where you
• 0:58
  can read 2 free chapters before you purchase the book.
• 1:02
  OK, so years ago I wrote an article which went viral titled
• 1:09
  12 Reasons Women Can't Stand Nice Guys.
• 1:14
  As of today it has over 26,000 shares, so I don't know how many
• 1:20
  people viewed it, but it's probably close to 1,000,000
• 1:23
  because people don't often share videos or articles.
• 1:29
  However, if you look for that article today, you're actually
• 1:31
  not going to find it on the site that I posted it on because they
• 1:35
  repurposed it and they changed the title to 12 Reasons, 12
• 1:42
  Brutally Honest Reasons. Nice Guys Finished last.
• 1:46
  Not quite the same article or not quite the same title.
• 1:50
  Plus they added stuff to the article.
• 1:52
  So that's not my original article.
• 1:54
  You can actually read it on my website, theartoflove.net and it
• 1:58
  had a huge reaction. Guys were not very happy with
• 2:02
  me. But hey, you know what I always
• 2:05
  say. The truth will set you free, but
• 2:08
  first it will piss you off. So when people, and namely
• 2:13
  women, talk about nice guys and the fact that they're not
• 2:17
  attracted to them, they usually use words like, well, they don't
• 2:21
  have boundaries. They're doormats, they're people
• 2:25
  pleasers. And that's all true.
• 2:29
  However, these are all secondary reasons as to women as to why
• 2:33
  women are not attracted to nice guys.
• 2:36
  There is one reason why guys behave like this and in turn
• 2:40
  women are turned off and that is because of their attachment
• 2:46
  style. Nice guys, also known as betas,
• 2:50
  have an anxious attachment style.
• 2:54
  That's what is driving their behavior.
• 2:57
  So I'm going to go over some of the points that I made in the
• 3:00
  original article and tie this into an anxious attachment
• 3:06
  style. I'm not going to give all 12
• 3:08
  reasons. If you want to read my original
• 3:10
  article, like I said, go to my website theartoflove.net.
• 3:14
  So first let's define what an anxious attachment style means,
• 3:19
  and I got this definition from Adam Lane Smith, who specializes
• 3:24
  in attachment styles. I highly recommend you check out
• 3:27
  his channel. I'll put the link below and he
• 3:29
  says it's the belief that there's something inherently
• 3:32
  wrong with you which makes you unlovable.
• 3:37
  So let's go over some of my reasons which I keep teasing you
• 3:42
  about. And let me preface this by
• 3:44
  saying that these reasons that I wrote, I wrote them
• 3:49
  instinctually as a woman looking at nice guys and why they turned
• 3:54
  me off. At that time I did not know
• 3:56
  anything about attachment styles.
• 4:00
  And now reading back on the reason I can see that they are
• 4:05
  all because the guys had an anxious attachment style.
• 4:10
  So reading my first point, I said not real.
• 4:16
  Nice guys are too nice. No one can always be that nice
• 4:20
  unless they're a St. they're busy being nice instead of being
• 4:24
  real. And women instinctually don't
• 4:27
  trust that bad boys keep it. Real Nice guys don't want to
• 4:31
  upset the apple cart, so they're not real because they feel
• 4:38
  unlovable and then they feel they need to earn approval and
• 4:43
  they will be over eager to please And they don't want to
• 4:47
  upset as I said, the applecart. So they'll tiptoe around and not
• 4:52
  be their true selves thinking that it's going to turn women
• 4:55
  off so they wear this mask. However, it's exhausting to
• 4:59
  constantly have this mask up. At some point, the mask comes
• 5:03
  down, and then the truth comes out, and women can feel the
• 5:06
  energy difference between someone who is being real and
• 5:09
  someone who's just trying to earn approval.
• 5:12
  That mask is not sustainable. And that's when things fall
• 5:16
  apart, if they haven't already fallen apart because the woman
• 5:19
  sensed that they weren't being authentic.
• 5:22
  Women want authenticity, not niceness, although you can
• 5:27
  certainly be nice while you're being authentic, but you cannot
• 5:31
  be authentic if your only goal is to be nice.
• 5:36
  The second point I made was that no one respects a doormat.
• 5:41
  Nice guys don't set boundaries or make any real demands.
• 5:45
  A bad boy doesn't let a woman walk all over him or control
• 5:48
  him. Women can't respect a man they
• 5:51
  can control. No respect equals no attraction
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  equals friend zoned. So again, this try, this comes
• 6:00
  from trying to be safe and to please mommy.
• 6:03
  Otherwise, they fear they'll be abandoned.
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  And while being abandoned when they were a child would have led
• 6:09
  to dire consequences, possibly even death, that's no longer the
• 6:13
  case because you no longer have to rely on your parents 100% for
• 6:17
  your survival. But you're still stuck in that
• 6:20
  childhood mentality of thinking you'll be abandoned and
• 6:24
  therefore you won't survive, and therefore you must do whatever
• 6:27
  you can to keep this person around.
• 6:31
  And by the way, if you're finding this video helpful,
• 6:34
  please give it a like so we can help more people find the video
• 6:37
  and we can help more anxious slash nice guys become more
• 6:42
  secure. OK, The next point I made was
• 6:47
  called sperm wards. Women are designed to procreate
• 6:51
  with the strongest possible genes.
• 6:54
  Bad boys are sending an unconscious message that they
• 6:57
  have great genes so they're not afraid of losing the woman.
• 7:00
  By misbehaving nice guys are sending a message that they
• 7:04
  don't think their genes are good enough so they won't misbehave.
• 7:08
  So this one was quite clear and concise.
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  Women are looking for the best genes to reproduce with and if
• 7:15
  you're not being authentic and you're a doormat and you don't
• 7:18
  have boundaries, on a subconscious level it comes
• 7:21
  across as weak genes and women will not want to reproduce with
• 7:26
  you. So therefore why would they date
• 7:28
  you, right. OK, the next one is charm.
• 7:35
  Nice guys don't always know what to say and are sometimes at a
• 7:39
  loss for words. Bad boys can be very charming
• 7:42
  and know exactly what women want to hear.
• 7:44
  However, they eventually switch over to being selfish.
• 7:47
  By the time they reveal their true colors, the woman has
• 7:51
  fallen hard for them and had a hard time letting go.
• 7:54
  So first the bad boys attract them with their charm, and then
• 7:58
  when they drop the charm, the women are already attached and
• 8:02
  they have a hard time letting go, as I said.
• 8:04
  So this goes back to the fact that the nice guy is not being
• 8:07
  genuine and therefore they don't always know what to say because
• 8:11
  they're watching their every word and every action so that
• 8:14
  they won't be abandoned. Nice guys are seeking validation
• 8:17
  because they feel that if they get validation, that means
• 8:20
  they're lovable. So instead of being outward
• 8:22
  focused, which is what makes someone charming, they are
• 8:26
  inward focused in their attempt to get the validation they so
• 8:30
  desperately desire. Whereas the bad boys, they're
• 8:33
  not looking for validation, they they give it to themselves.
• 8:37
  And then one last one I'm going to mention is protection.
• 8:42
  And in the article I wrote, historically, men have protected
• 8:45
  women, physically and otherwise. Bad boys give the illusion of
• 8:50
  being able to protect women, while with nice guys, women
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  aren't so sure. So this comes down to
• 8:56
  confidence. Bad boys project an air of
• 8:59
  confidence and therefore the woman feels that this man will
• 9:03
  be able to protect. Whereas with the nice guy, since
• 9:06
  he's busy being a doormat and not establishing boundaries, he
• 9:10
  doesn't come across as being able to protect and therefore
• 9:13
  women are turned off. So I've given you five of the 12
• 9:19
  reasons you can. You can read the remaining 7, as
• 9:22
  I said on my website, theartoflove.net.
• 9:26
  So if you're listening to this and you're like, Oh no, what am
• 9:29
  I going to do? I'm a nice guy.
• 9:31
  I have an anxious attachment style.
• 9:33
  Well don't worry. Why not?
• 9:36
  Well, because it can be fixed. Since it's a learned behavior
• 9:40
  from your childhood, you're no longer a child.
• 9:43
  And while you're not responsible for the attachment style that
• 9:46
  you have as an adult, you are responsible for fixing it and
• 9:52
  becoming more secure. And for that, as I mentioned
• 9:55
  earlier, I would suggest checking out Adam Lane Smith's
• 10:00
  channel and I'll put the link below.
• 10:01
  So now I want to hear from you. Do you have an anxious
• 10:05
  attachment attachment style or have you dated someone with an
• 10:09
  anxious attachment style? And how did it turn out?
• 10:13
  And in the meantime, if you would like my help to get your
• 10:15
  ex back, you can contact me at theartoflove.net and we will
• 10:21
  send you the rates. The direct link is below every
• 10:23
  single video and podcast. If you found this video helpful,
• 10:26
  please like, subscribe and share.
• 10:28
  If you're listening to this as a podcast, please rate and review.
• 10:31
  And finally, remember that love inspires, empowers, uplifts and
• 10:36
  enlightens.