Latest / Dr. Derek H. Suite MD - The SuiteSpot / The Search 1/7: Fear Doesn't Stop You — It Just Dresses Up as Reason #MakingMovesMonday

Transcript

The Search 1/7: Fear Doesn't Stop You — It Just Dresses Up as Reason #MakingMovesMonday · Dr. Derek H. Suite MD - The SuiteSpot

• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: Greetings and welcome.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back, sweet spotter.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to Making Moves Monday.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: Are you ready to have a powerful week with me?
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you are.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: Because I'm ready to rock and roll with you all week long.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: Here on the Sweet Spot, where science, soul, and success come together every single day to make sure you and I have a shot at winning in the game of life.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: And as you know, here on The Sweet Spot, I am your host, Dr.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: Derek Sweet, your partner, your teammate in the game of life.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm so proud to be your teammate, and I want to make you proud, and I definitely will pass the ball to you.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: You pass the ball to me.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: Let's strategize and let's win.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: Are you ready?
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: I am.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: So look, this week on The Sweet Spot, we're going to spend some time, Sweet Spotter, looking at some phrases or some quotes that caught my attention over the last couple of months, and I've been saving them.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: I've been trying to figure out how to bring these quotes and sayings to you, and I finally put them together in a series that we're gonna call The Search.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: Because in life we're always searching for something, we're always searching for meaning.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: And these phrases, I hope when I share them with you, we can unpack them together and let them make sense.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: So, what do I have for you today making moves Monday?
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: I want to drop something on you that stopped me in my tracks the first time I heard it.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: And here it is.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: If you're looking for reasons not to do it, do it.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: If you're looking for reasons to do it, don't do it.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: Hmm.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I heard a guy say this on the internet and it was really cool.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: If you are looking for reasons not to do it, then you should do it.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: But if you're looking for reasons to do it, don't do it.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: Let that land for a second.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: Just think about what I just said.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: I know it sounds at first like it's some kind of riddle or play on words, and it kind of is.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: But stay with me on this because you see, if we pay attention to what this is saying, it helps us to see our own patterns.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: Our very it helps us to see our real patterns.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: And once you grasp what this phrase is saying, you start to understand this is not really a riddle, this is a mirror.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: This is a mirror to us.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: If you're looking for reasons not to do something, hmm, if you're really looking for reasons not to do it, a lot of times that means that you should do it.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're looking for reasons and you find yourself digging for reasons to do it, maybe then that's when you don't do it.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: Because here's what's happening in the brain when you're searching for these kinds of answers.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: And remember, this series is called The Search.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: Uh on a Making Moves Monday, if you find yourself building a case against something, like you're listing the risks, you're counting the obstacles, you're running the math.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: You've ever been in that situation where you're running the math in your head on why this is not the right time, you know what's going on?
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: You almost never are being strategic in those moments.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: What you really are doing is being protective.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: Because the first half of that statement that I mentioned at the top of this is if you're looking for reasons not to do it, do it.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: This right here, this is that moment when you find yourself justifying, figuring out all the reasons, and trying to talk yourself out of it.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: Your nervous system, your nervous system is actually, you know what it's doing?
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's doing exactly what it's designed, designed to do, honestly.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: It's just being a nervous system.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: It you know the amygdala.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: We talk about the amygdala all the time here on the sweet spot.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: I hate to bring it up, but yes, your threat detection center and mine, what does it want to do?
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: It wants to keep things predictable, it wants to minimize threats, it wants to hold the line and keep everything okay.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why you find yourself listing the risks, counting the obstacles, running the math 15 different ways, uh trying to figure out why this is not the right time.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I should, you know, all that.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: Neuroscientists call this the brain's default towards threat detection over opportunity recognition.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you will stay in threat detection mode, you will not recognize opportunities, you'll only see threats.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: And your amygdala and my amygdala, it doesn't care about our dreams.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: Honestly, it doesn't give a you know what about your dreams.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: You know what it wants to do, it cares about your survival.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: And on Linky Moose Monday, if you have to make a new move, let have a hard conversation, make a bold decision, change how you work out, or take a leap into something you've never done before, take a risk of some kind, that registers in the brain, in the amygdala, in the threat detection area, as a dangerous thing to do.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: And so, yeah, you'll be looking for reasons not to do it for real.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: So when you feel that pull towards something, the quiet knowing, and then almost immediately you start finding reasons to puff the brakes.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of times, that's not wisdom talking, that's your fear.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's your fear sitting in the armchair with a pipe in his mouth, you know, just puffing the pipe and telling you, hey, don't do that.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you're looking for reasons not to do it, then fear is gonna give you those reasons.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why the statement is if you're looking for reasons not to do it, do it.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because the list you're building against doing it, that's not strategy, that's your nervous system asking you to play small, to stay small.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: And that's worth sitting with for a second.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: If you're looking for reasons and you keep digging up reasons, not and you've been there, like uh this is not the right time, I'll do it when I'm ready, uh, if I if I do this, if I do that, that kind of thing.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: And then there's the so we got that part of it.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: Then the flip side is also true, okay?
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: The flip side is also true, right?
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: The second half of this statement is kind of true.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, if you're looking for reasons to do it, and you have to dig for reasons to do it, and you find yourself going with all the reasons to do it, then maybe don't do it.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: Stay with me on this because this one cuts a little deeper than the first one.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: When you are searching for reasons to do something, and you find yourself searching for reasons to do something, building the case for it, collecting permission slips wherever you can, convincing yourself over and over again, trying to talk yourself and everybody around you into it.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: When you gotta do all that kind of work, that's a signal too.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: That in itself is a signal.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: If you have to go through all this, okay, to do this, it's a signal, but it's a different, you know, it's a different kind of signal.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: Think about things in your life that were truly right for you.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: The relationship that felt like home, the work that lit you up, the decisions, even though they were scary, that you knew were absolutely right, did you have to keep convincing yourself to do those things?
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: Probably not.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you might have had to manage fear, but the knowing that this was right for you was already there.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: There wasn't all this searching and digging and trying to figure it out.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: So when you notice that you keep returning to something, not because you were drawn to it, but because you were working to want it.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: It was working for you, you trust that.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: So the right move is if you find yourself and you're sort of in this world, it is constantly searching, searching for reasons to do something, that's a signal, that's a problem.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: Shouldn't have to search that deep, shouldn't have to search that hard, shouldn't have to build up that much courage.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're looking for reasons to do it, don't do it.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: If you gotta find that many reasons, just don't do it.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, yeah, just don't.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you if you have to keep selling it to yourself, if you keep reopening the that case file, hoping that the answer changes, that's exhausting.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: And it's also data, it's information.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: And it might be the most important data you collect this week.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes this applies to like a relationship, like you know you shouldn't be with that person, or you know you, you know, you want to be with that person, you want to get with this whole situation, and you're looking for all the reasons, and you find yourself trying to justify, but this, but that, maybe this will change all that.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: Like, that's what I'm talking about, right?
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: So, Rumi, the poet, had this amazing phrase.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: He said, Sell your cleverness, sell your smartness, sell all that clever stuff you do, and buy bewilderment, buy confusion a little bit, buy a little riskiness, you know, because your cleverness and the analyzing and the searching uh on both sides of the equation sometimes is the very thing that's standing between you and the move you need to make here on Making Moves Monday.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes a little bewilderment isn't a bad idea.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: The real move lives in that.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: The moment when you don't have to have it all figured out to make the move is probably the right move.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: When you find yourself searching on both ends of it, maybe it's time to do the opposite.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because the searching and the constant searching is the thing that you have to be worried about because it maybe that's deep inside of you, trying to either hold you back or push you forward, and you have to understand what to trust.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: So here's your Monday assignment, sweet spotter, and I want you to actually do this, not just nod along while I'm you know talking to you.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: Take an inventory of two things.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: First, what is one move you've been building a case against?
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: Not because it's wrong, but because it scares you.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: Because your nervous system has been working over time to keep you exactly where you are and not make this move.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: That's your move.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: The one fear has dressed up as reasons.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: The second thing.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: What is one thing you've been working to convince yourself to do?
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: Returning to it over and over again, hoping that you'll build up enough enthusiasm, but you're collecting reasons like they're going on on sale or something, as you keep building up reasons, trying to figure out how to do it and what to do.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you know what?
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: This might be the time you let that go.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: This might be the time to release it.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe that cleverness is dressed up as desire and you're going after something that you know and you have to figure out all these reasons for it, let it go.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: Write both of these things down and see what you find.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: And when we go back to the beginning, if you're looking for reasons not to do it, do it.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: If you're looking for reasons to do it, don't do it.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's not a contradiction, it's a compass.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and and and you've had access to this compass the whole time.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: You just haven't paid attention to the fact that you're searching for reasons in either direction.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: And if you pay attention to the fact that you're searching, it'll tell you what you have to do or not do.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: You just needed somebody like me to come by here on the Sweet Spot and tell you how to read this stuff.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: Because you're a sweet spotter.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: You were built for this.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: And this week, I want you to stop collecting reasons and start collecting evidence of what you're capable of, right?
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: So that's the idea.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: This Making Moves Monday.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to tell me if you're looking for reasons not to do something and then do it.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: And then I want you to also tell me if you're looking for reasons to do something and then because you're looking so hard, don't do it.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: I'll see you tomorrow for Take Action Tuesday.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna stick with these sayings, we're gonna unpack them, we're gonna work through them, and uh listen, I gotta tell you, if you're looking for a reason not to subscribe, I want you to subscribe.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll talk to you tomorrow.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: God bless you.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: This is the sweet spot, and I'm Dr.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: Derek Sweet for science, for soul, and for success.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: Take care.