Latest / The Art of Love With Lucia / Episode 696: Yes, Your Ex Wants To Talk!

Transcript

Episode 696: Yes, Your Ex Wants To Talk! · The Art of Love With Lucia

• 0:01
  Yes, your ex wants to talk to you.
• 0:04
  Most dumpers do want to talk to the dumpy after the breakup and
• 0:09
  I know that may be hard to believe, especially if you
• 0:11
  haven't heard from your ex in months or weeks.
• 0:15
  Why would they want to talk to you?
• 0:16
  Well, stay tuned and you'll find out.
• 0:19
  Hi, this is Lucia with the Art of Love.
• 0:22
  I'm a dating and relationship expert specializing in helping
• 0:24
  you get your ex back or to get over your ex.
• 0:27
  And welcome back my beautiful no contact Army.
• 0:30
  Have you been a good little soldier and stayed in no
• 0:32
  contact? Well if you need help with that,
• 0:35
  be sure to download my app Silencio.
• 0:38
  And the link for that is underneath every single video
• 0:40
  and podcast. And if you too would like to
• 0:43
  join our no contact army, all you have to do is subscribe and
• 0:48
  hit the bell notification. And to read our manual, go to
• 0:52
  nocontactsecrets.com where you can read 2 free chapters before
• 0:56
  you purchase the book. And the link to that is also
• 0:58
  underneath every single video and podcast.
• 1:01
  OK, so I just want to establish that just because I'm telling
• 1:05
  you that your ex wants to talk to you, I am not giving you
• 1:08
  permission to break no contact. No, no, no.
• 1:12
  They want to talk to you when they feel like it, not when you
• 1:17
  feel like it. Otherwise, you may end up
• 1:20
  catching them on a day when everything's going well for them
• 1:22
  and they're happy about the breakup, as opposed to catching
• 1:25
  them on a day when they miss you.
• 1:27
  You don't know how they're feeling before you contact them,
• 1:30
  right? And then you'll get rejected all
• 1:32
  over again and have to start no contact all over again.
• 1:36
  And that's not fun. So why would an ex want to talk
• 1:40
  to you after they dumped you? Many reasons.
• 1:45
  One is because the dumper is often ambivalent.
• 1:49
  They may still want you in their life somehow, but they do not
• 1:55
  want to talk about the relationship and they don't want
• 1:59
  to feel pressured to talk about the relationship, which is what
• 2:02
  the person who's been dumped often wants to do.
• 2:06
  And that's why I say that if for some reason you need to be in
• 2:11
  contact with your ex or if you happen to run into them,
• 2:15
  absolutely do not, do not bring up the relationship or the
• 2:21
  breakup. That's what they're going to be
• 2:23
  expecting you to do. And when you don't do that, they
• 2:27
  will feel relieved and that will make them more likely to reach
• 2:31
  out in the future because they know they won't be ambushed with
• 2:36
  questions about possibly getting back together.
• 2:39
  Now, people are often surprised that their ex is still watching
• 2:44
  their stories or following them on social media.
• 2:48
  You know, just because they broke up with you, it doesn't
• 2:50
  mean that they totally hate you. Unless of course they do because
• 2:54
  you did something to make them hate you or they've got mental
• 2:57
  health issues. But usually that's not the case.
• 2:59
  So they may still like you as a person, but it's just gotten to
• 3:05
  a point where they figured they would be happier without you in
• 3:09
  their life as a romantic partner.
• 3:12
  Does it mean they're not curious about what's going on with you
• 3:15
  or want to speak with you at some point?
• 3:17
  Often just to catch up? But if you're trying to get your
• 3:21
  ex back, I strongly suggest you don't have those catch up
• 3:24
  conversations because they will not lead to getting back
• 3:28
  together. And yes, this applies to
• 3:31
  avoidance too. People think that if their ex is
• 3:34
  an avoidant that they're not going to watch their stories or
• 3:37
  want to speak with them, and that's just not true.
• 3:41
  Avoidance avoid feelings and relationships.
• 3:44
  They don't avoid watching stories and talking.
• 3:49
  And in my video from a few weeks ago titled 3 Biggest Mistakes
• 3:53
  that Ruin Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Back, I told the
• 3:57
  story of the woman who broke up with the guy because he didn't
• 4:00
  want to be in a committed relationship.
• 4:03
  And when she contacted him about getting back something that she
• 4:06
  had left at his house, he was the one who suggested bringing
• 4:09
  it over. And when he got there they
• 4:12
  talked for two hours. They both been in no contact for
• 4:19
  many months, I can't remember how many, probably at least 6 to
• 4:21
  8. And he had not tried to contact
• 4:24
  her once. So for those of you who think,
• 4:27
  oh, I haven't heard from my ex in months, there's no way he
• 4:30
  wants to talk to me or she wants to talk to me, that's not true.
• 4:33
  Just because they're not reaching out doesn't mean they
• 4:35
  want to. They don't want to talk to you.
• 4:37
  Again, it doesn't mean they want to get back together, but they
• 4:42
  do want to talk to you, even if it's just to find out why you
• 4:46
  haven't reached out to them and try to get them back.
• 4:50
  So this is the part of the video or podcast where I let you know
• 4:54
  that, believe it or not, 65% of people who listen to me are not
• 4:59
  subscribed. I can't believe it.
• 5:02
  So if I could ask you a favor, it would be that if my videos
• 5:05
  have ever helped you in any way and you want to give back, just
• 5:09
  hit the subscribe button and I promise that I'll continue to
• 5:12
  work hard and put out interesting and helpful videos.
• 5:15
  Thank you. Another reason why your ex may
• 5:20
  want to talk to you but hasn't reached out is because they
• 5:23
  don't think anything's going to change and they don't want to
• 5:26
  feel frustrated and disappointed again, which was the reason they
• 5:30
  left in the first place. So why go back from more
• 5:33
  torture, right? They think that the problems
• 5:35
  can't be solved or that you've tried and it hasn't worked, so
• 5:39
  what's the point? So if that's their mindset, then
• 5:44
  the only way that that's going to change is if they start to
• 5:48
  miss you. And I've done several topics or
• 5:51
  several videos on the topic of missing you and I will post the
• 5:55
  link in the upper right hand corner on YouTube.
• 5:59
  That's why it's important that during no contact you're working
• 6:03
  on yourself. And people always ask, well, how
• 6:06
  will my ex know that I've changed?
• 6:08
  Great question. They're going to be able to tell
• 6:11
  from your energy, believe it or not, if you were very anxious
• 6:15
  before. And if for some reason you have
• 6:17
  contact with your ex, they're going to see that you're not
• 6:20
  behaving the same or asking the same questions, or they'll be
• 6:25
  able to see it through your social media.
• 6:27
  Your posts will be different. You may even start dressing
• 6:30
  differently or get a different haircut, which often means that
• 6:35
  something changed internally and that's why the person looks
• 6:40
  different externally. And the hair has a lot to do
• 6:42
  with it, interestingly enough. Or if you're in contact with
• 6:46
  them, you just tell them, hey, I'm working on myself, I'm going
• 6:48
  to therapy, etcetera, etcetera. And often they're going to be
• 6:52
  interested to find out what progress you're making in
• 6:55
  therapy. So that's a good sign.
• 6:57
  And then the final reason why your ex wants to talk to you but
• 7:01
  hasn't reached out is because they don't want to lead you on
• 7:05
  and have you thinking that they want to get back together.
• 7:08
  If they're not sure that they want to get back together or if
• 7:12
  they currently think that they don't want to get back together,
• 7:16
  especially if you didn't initially accept the breakup and
• 7:19
  you were chasing them. When you finally do go quiet,
• 7:23
  they don't want to open that can of worms again if they're not
• 7:27
  100% certain that they want to come back.
• 7:29
  That's why when someone breaks up with you, it's important that
• 7:34
  you accept a breakup sooner rather than later and make it
• 7:39
  seem as if you're moving on. That way they feel safe in
• 7:42
  approaching you if they start to change their mind.
• 7:45
  So you may think that your ex doesn't want to talk to you, but
• 7:48
  in many cases, they do 90% of people will hear from their ex.
• 7:54
  So if you haven't heard from yours yet, it may just be a
• 7:57
  matter of time. So hang in there.
• 8:01
  But right now, I want to hear from you.
• 8:03
  How long have you been in no contact and how is it going?
• 8:06
  Please comment below and you may not be able to talk to your ex
• 8:10
  right now, right this minute, but hey, you can talk to me.
• 8:13
  I'm the second best choice. So if you want my help in
• 8:17
  getting your ex back, you can contact me at
• 8:19
  theartoflove.net/coaching and we will send you the rates.
• 8:24
  They're not on the page and the direct link to that is
• 8:27
  underneath every single video and podcast.
• 8:30
  If you found this video helpful, please like, subscribe, and
• 8:33
  share. If you're listening to this as a
• 8:35
  podcast and you want to help the show, then please download this
• 8:39
  episode. And finally, remember, love
• 8:41
  inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.