Latest / 🎙️ Rebuild & Fulfill Real conversations on burnout, rebuilding, and becoming stronger than before. / Show Up Scared: Turn Fear Into Courage and Build Confidence | Alexandra Silva Labarr | Episode 47
Transcript
- Kelsey Dunbar (Co-Founder): There are times when fear feels like proof that we're not ready. We wait for the confidence to show up. we wait until the uncertainty settles down. We wait until we can picture exactly how things will turn out. But what if fear isn't always telling us to stop? What if it's telling us something deserves our attention? Alexandra Silva Labar has built her work around helping people take action even when fear is still there. In this conversation, we'll talk about where that belief came from, what it means to show up scared, and how we listen to fear without letting it make every decision for us. Welcome back to Rebuild and Fulfill. I'm your host, Kelsey Dunbar, and I'm so glad you're here for this interview. Today I am joined by Alexandra Silva Labar, an author, speaker, Business and networking coach and founder of Xandra Marketing, soon celebrating her seventh year anniversary, and she also leads the TPN community. she's the author of The Power of Networking, also Show Up Scared, and then Show Up Scared, the Teen Edition. Her recent TEDx talk, Fear is Data, looks at how we can understand fear and keep moving forward with it present. Alexander, welcome to Rebuild and Fulfill. I am so glad we get to have this conversation today. Alexandra Silva Labarr: Thank you so much for having me and thank you for the warm welcome. As I'm hearing all the things, I'm like, wow, have a lot going on. Reflection. Kelsey Dunbar (Co-Founder): Yes, you do. And and you've definitely impressed me th thus far and gonna be more so after today, I'm sure. So just for the audience, Alexander and I had scheduled a 30-minute Zoom session a week ago that I think lasted about 90 minutes. So we are so well aligned. we could have talked shop for hours, but it gave me a chance to learn a lot about you and what things are most important to you. So I I thought that was great and I I really appreciated you giving me the time. So you're known now for helping people build relationships, speak up, and take action. I'd like to start before those titles and roles. So when you look back at the younger version of yourself, what do you think she was carrying that people around her may not have seen? Alexandra Silva Labarr: That's a a a very big question and wow, it she was carrying a lot of fear, a lot of doubt, a lot of just uncertainty, you know. She was full of a lot of emotions and grief and she's just knew she had to keep going, but it was not easy. Kelsey Dunbar (Co-Founder): Yeah. So what did you learn early about being strong or about what you were expected to handle on your own? Alexandra Silva Labarr: Yeah, so in my book, Show Up Scared, I I I'd write about losing my mom. I lost my mom when I was thirteen years old and that was just a huge change for my life. You wake up one morning and your mom is sick and she never comes back home and then you have to figure out how to live without her, right? At thirteen. So that taught me a lot. That taught me that number one, you have to keep living. Number two, that resilience came in quickly, right? Of just getting through life without having that type of guidance. But I think what I learned more is to really trust myself more than anything else. Cause at the end of the day, it's you, right? It's what you think. Your mind is so powerful. So I built myself and became very strong. And some of it didn't help, right? Because I hit a lot of the anxiety and Things that I was feeling and that's why show up scared, the movement is so important. But the other piece, it really built me. It built like who I became. You know, being able to just show up and make it happen and and just do it, even during scary moments that I thought I would break. Yeah. Kelsey Dunbar (Co-Founder): Yeah. Yeah. So a as you know, as you just pointed out, obviously that that early experience is connected to the message that you share now. People don't have to wait until they feel fearless before they begin. So when did you start to understand that fear could be present and yet you could still keep taking a step forward? Alexandra Silva Labarr: Well, it happened because I kept doing it, right? I was always scared. And I remember like, you know, talking to doctors, therapists, and they would tell me that it would go away one day. And it the truth is it never went away. I always felt scared. I always felt nervous. I always had anxiety. So I had to learn to accept that it's gonna be there, even though I was doing it scared, but the acceptance of the fear, I think that was the breakthrough, right? I was trying to hide that I was scared. I was trying to hide that I was nervous. I was trying to hide all the things I was feeling because I was embarrassed. And that's what most people do. And that's what we're told. Like, they'll go away one day. Just go through it. No, accept it. And when I started accepting the fact that I am scared, I am nervous. This is a big thing. Wow. And then feeling it and saying, okay. I'm gonna do it anyway. That to me is the biggest breakthrough anyone could have in their life. And that's the secret. That's the secret no one tells you. That you can do it scared. Kelsey Dunbar (Co-Founder): Yeah, I absolutely love that. Was there any particular moment where you kind of had that that aha, like you can remember back to a time where you were like, okay, I am gonna be stuck with this fear for life, and that's okay, and I'm still going to keep making those moves. Was it a particular time or just something that just happened gradually and you were like, I guess this is just how it is? Alexandra Silva Labarr: Yeah, I know. There's many, many times, but I can give you a recent time, seven years ago, right? Because we're always evolving, always growing, where I decided to bet on myself and I launched my marketing firm. I was in corporate America for 20 years and I decided it's time. And during that time it was 2019, and we all can go back to that date because a few months later, COVID happened. So here I am leaving corporate America, going into my on my own, leaving, of course, my Well-paying job and all the perks that you get with that. And betting on myself, and then the world shuts down. I remember just sitting there like, Alexandra, what did you do? Right? And then I had to go back, immediately go back to who I am and all the things that I had gone through in my life and how I was gonna be okay. And I was scared, but then I I remembered all the things that I overcame. And I'm like, I could do this. There's a reason why I'm here. All the different times in my life took me to this moment. And this is when I really needed a shop for myself. And I'll never forget that. I was just like, I even spoke to my kids about it. My kids were like, Mom, you got this. In fact, my son is the one that helped me come up with my name, Xandra Marketing, my my my company name. He's at first I was gonna have it La Barra, and he goes, No, mom, that's dad's last name. Do something that's yours, right? And he goes, take the X out of your name. It's so powerful. It's so you. You're so edgy. Starts telling me all these things about me. And I'm like, okay. And then just put the A N D R A. And that's how it came to life. So yeah, that that was a moment that was really hard for me. But listen, I I don't think I've ever worked so hard than I did during COVID. Because it was like, not only did I have to prove That I could do this because here I am betting on myself, but I had to really transform my entire like life. Like I had to really bet on myself on another level of like I have to do this. And I got really smart and created programs where people were scared and they were just like, I don't, I don't know what I'm gonna do with my company. I was going in, I was helping businesses with all my background of marketing and getting them to do newsletters, reach out to clients without even having to be in person. That was my I'm the networking queen, right? So I all my years of years of experience, I just poured it right into it. And it was it was beautiful. And I'll never forget that. Yeah. Kelsey Dunbar (Co-Founder): Yeah, I I love that. And and obviously our kids motivate us so much, but hearing that you had that extra motivation of my son believes in me so much that he's actually becoming a marketing advisor for me because he wants to make sure that I believe in myself as much as he believes in me. So that is such a cool story. I love that. So I do want to talk about this whole concept of of show up scared. So it's obviously a memorable phrase, but people can hear it and just hear We're just supposed to push through, right? So I'm curious how exactly you define it. Alexandra Silva Labarr: Find showing up scared with everything I've gone through. So this is not, you know, it's it. I think you and I talked about it how people have titles, people have experiences in terms of like, okay, this is my coaching program. But they sometimes really don't have the experience or lived experience. And that to me is what separates the show of scared movement because I actually can share stories that I've lived it, right? So, what it means to me is my whole life, right? Every chapter of no matter what happened, I just kept showing up. That perseverance, that resilience, it means to me that everyone could do it, right? It means that I want to help as many people as possible because you can go through life. And not understanding the importance of showing up even when you're scared. There's so many dreams that people leave on the table. There's so many passions and things that they have, but unfortunately, they're just too scared to do it. And they're waiting for time. They're waiting for, you know, everything to be okay in their life. They're waiting for confidence, which I hear the most. And none of those things really are going to happen unless you do it scared. You just gotta show up. And that doing it scared really is courage, right? it takes courage to do it scared. It's being that courageous. And I always my my famous quote that I say a lot on stage and even you know all over social media is confidence is the gift that you receive for being courageous. I believe that showing up scared and doing it scared is how you build confidence. Waiting for it to come first, you're just waiting and waiting and you're you know it you're wasting time that we can never get back. So yeah it I'm sorry there's so it's so much. Show up scared is so dear to me. And not just because of what I've gone through, but the opportunity that I have today to be able to help so many people with my story and helping them understand that they don't have to hide that they're scared. Be honest. You're scared. All right let's let's go do it. Let's go make it happen because nothing Bad's gonna happen to you. And like we said, it's just data. A lot of time, times is that you're what you're scared of is just downloads that you've had in your life. So when you build a different relationship with fear and you start understanding that it's not something that's against you, it's information that you can actually dial into and say, okay, what's going on? Why why am I scared to open up a business, right? With me. Why was I so afraid? Yes, COVID was there, but then I for a minute I forgot about my capabilities. For a minute, I forgot that I can make it happen, that I work really hard, that I am so, you know, focused. I forgot all those things that I built for years because of old data that was in me. guys, something bad's happening again, Alexandra. Here you go again. Something really bad. What are gonna do? It brought me back to that little girl and I had to undo it. and say, wait, no, that I'm not that girl anymore. I've built myself. I can do this. So and that's what we have to do when it comes to fear. That's what we have to do when we have a dream or we have something happen in our lives. You have to really stop and say, Where is this coming from? Kelsey Dunbar (Co-Founder): so someone you're working with, if you were to advise them, how can someone tell the difference between fear that's giving them useful information versus fear that's just repeating an old story? Alexandra Silva Labarr: I mean it's patterns, right? I feel like, you know, the reason why that fear is repeating an old story is because you never dealt with it. You know, I think fear, all fear tells you a story. You know, I was talking to someone the other day and I'm like, it's so crazy how we don't look at our brains like we look at like our phones, right? I did the phone analogy on my TEDx talk for a reason. Even computers, we're downloading things, we're dealing with things every day emotionally. It could be work, it could be your past, it could be Current relationship, everything is a download. But our phones, when we download things, we're very intentional. Like we both, I don't know what kind of phone you have. I have an iPhone, and we can take both of our iPhones, right? And we can put it together side by side. And that iPhone looks exactly the same. But what's in the iPhone is you, meaning you chose those apps or things that you deal with every single day, is why. You wanted to download those, you know, those apps or make your phone functional for you. That's how our brains is, right? Everything we go through, we're downloading things that life lessons. The way I think and the way I walk, the way I talk, the way I perceive things, it's different in you because it's life experience. However, we're so quick to go into our phones and delete an app that no longer serves us. But then we sit here. And keep the same patterns happening over and over and over again. And we don't stop to say, wait, I'm doing this again. Does this even align with my life today? I'm not 23 anymore. Right? We don't stop to look at decisions that we're making based on what's happening in front of us, right? Because the brain doesn't know the difference between a memory or a possibility. It's Only referencing the data, right? So it's up to you, and that is the biggest message here. So the person that you're describing, that person, if you're seeing that pattern, it's time to sit down and say, What am I doing here? I same downloads over and over. It's time to delete this pattern because it does not serve me anymore. Every time I keep repeating this, I'm getting the same results. So to me, that is how I help others see that pattern, see that wait, this is real, this is real data. This is what you're doing in every situation. And the outcome continues to be the same, if not worse. Because now you're entering into new things. And they're like, wow, I never thought of that. I'm like, yeah, it's just your brain is just bringing you where it's comfortable because that's what you gave it. Yeah. It's it's really it it's one of those things that you're like, Wow, it all it this is easy stuff, right? If you think about it, like this is if you compare it to your phone, we're doing it every day to our phones, but we don't do it to ourselves. And a another phone analogy is we're always constantly going, going, going, and our batteries run out because of just A lot of work, a lot of stress, a lot of things you have in your life, but you just keep going and people get burned out because they're not taking a moment to say, my goodness, it's time to recharge my battery because I can't show up for people that I need to because I'm not feeling good. But your phone goes on 15%. You're ready to shut down the house and you're ready to knock Kelsey Dunbar (Co-Founder): Yeah. Alexandra Silva Labarr: your kids out and be like, Where is my charger? And you're going Kelsey Dunbar (Co-Founder): Great. Alexandra Silva Labarr: crazy. And everyone's like, what's wrong, Dad? Or what I can't, I didn't have it. And you're not stopping until you get that charger because that phone is important to you. But why can't we be just as important as our phones, if not more? Right? We're the vehicle that takes us through life. So yeah, it's a lot of like the same kind of analogy. Kelsey Dunbar (Co-Founder): Yeah. And and she has lots of analogies like this in her TEDx talk. She's got the storage full framework. she's got check, delete, update, and increase. so definitely I highly recommend you go back and watch her TEDx talk. It's all the talks that were from that evening are only eight minutes long and they're eight minutes of power. So definitely go and check that out for sure. So Alexandra, your work also centers on networking and building relationships. That can be exciting for some people and really uncomfortable for others. So what do people often misunderstand about networking and what does an authentic connection look like to you? Alexandra Silva Labarr: Yeah, so most people think networking is about going to an event and handing out business cards and also collecting business cards. And we're all guilty for this, where your desk is full of business cards that a lot of them don't even have a face. Why? Because you never took the time to get to know someone. You're just c a business card collector. So I try to coach and and help people look at networking differently because networking is about quality, not quantity. We were taught different. We're The more business cards you get, that's not how you become successful. That's not how you connect with people. So I always try to encourage people to slow down. You know, when you're in an event or you're networking, get to know someone because you're one person away from changing your entire life. You know, the more you move through that room or the more you move through a conference and try to meet as many people as possible, you're missing out on an opportunity with that person right in front of you. So I always say, you know, like I said, quality. is more important because if you go back and you have 10 contacts, let's say those 10 people, you had a conversation. Now you get to follow up with them. And most likely they're going to want to have a coffee date with you or a Zoom meeting because you connected. There's something there. And I call it continue the conversation, right? That's what you want to always have is that continue the conversation when you leave someone that you just met, because you almost want them to feel like there's more about me and there's more about you than I want to know. So yeah, that's how people tore you know really feel about networking. And that's why when people don't get results from networking, they say networking doesn't work. And I'm like, no, you're not working, right? You're not working the network that you have. So I try to get people to change that mindset in a sense of how they look at networking. When you start looking at it in a way of like, let me just go and and and meet five people today, your mindset changes, your expectations changes. And then all of a sudden it becomes more of like five here, five here, ten here. And you start building real relationships that turn into connections and hopefully convert into some sales, or if not immediately, but it's an opportunity to get referrals from that person you met. So I look at everyone as a potential client because maybe they're not gonna buy from me, but They could send me an opportunity that I never thought I was gonna get, right? Kelsey Dunbar (Co-Founder): Yeah, for sure. I've I've got kind of a funny analogy that I use when I talk about networking and then I say that networking is a lot like when you're a kid and you do double dutch jump rope and you've got Alexandra Silva Labarr: Right. Kelsey Dunbar (Co-Founder): one person holding on to one end of the rope and another person holding on to the other end of the rope and the rope is coming around and you're waiting for the opportunity to jump in. So there might be like a conversation that's happening around three or four people and you're like, All right, I I'm coming in, like I I don't wanna interrupt, but I I coming in here wait, I'm coming in and like two hours later you're like, yeah, okay, I missed my opportunity. So it's Alexandra Silva Labarr: Yeah, yeah. Kelsey Dunbar (Co-Founder): like double dutch, is what I like to say. So for someone who feels awkward walking into a room where they don't know anyone, what's one manageable way for them to begin? Alexandra Silva Labarr: I would say first, before you walk into any room, make sure you know what room you're walking into, right? That's first and foremost. People are just walking around town or driving around, going to these events, and they have no idea who's gonna be there. And that's where the fear comes in. Like, where are you going? Like, who are the people that are gonna be? What kind of groups of people? So you're mentally prepared, you have your 30-second commercial ready if when you approach someone. So preparation is key. If you're prepared to go into an event, then most likely you may still be a little scared. But the nerves kind of go down because you know who's in the room. You know there are people that may be in your circle or do the same, you know, professionally as you, where you can have these conversation starters. But to me, it's do your research first, and then when you enter the room, you're gonna check in. And usually there's someone that is running the event. Have a conversation with them if you're really, really nervous. Hey, it's my first time here. Who should I meet today? Can you introduce me to someone? People love that, right? You have to raise your hands. If you're just walking in, standing in a corner to me, why are you there? You just drove from where I don't know how many miles to get there. It's probably an evening event. You're leaving your family. You've worked all day. Go make an impact. Make go make sure it counts. You know, walk in, meet three, five people, and then at least go home and say, wow, I have three or five new contacts that I want to follow up with. And they can have, you know, lunch or coffee or an opportunity to connect with them. So yeah, I would do those two things. Research first, where are you going? And then ask the person at the door that let know you're new and say, who can I who can I who can you intro introduce me to? And introduce yourself to them and they'll bring you right over. Yeah. Kelsey Dunbar (Co-Founder): Yeah. I I love that. It it kind of reminds me when you go to a restaurant and the server says, Sorry, I'm new, but I'm gonna do my best to take care of you today. You're gonna have Alexandra Silva Labarr: Yeah. Kelsey Dunbar (Co-Founder): so much more grace for that server knowing that they're new, that pretty much they could do anything to screw up and you'd be like, well, they're new, it's okay. So I I love that idea. Yeah. Alexandra Silva Labarr: Right. Mm-hmm. Yeah, be yourself for sure. Kelsey Dunbar (Co-Founder): Yeah. so the next thing I want to talk about is you've taken all this stuff that you've done on the TEDx stage and in your coaching and in your networking, and you've taken these ideas into books for both adults and teens. The teen edition is written for the younger version of you who may have needed to hear those words. So, what did writing the teen edition bring up for you? And what do you most hope a young reader would take from it? Alexandra Silva Labarr: Whew, yeah, so that I would say that was one of my best work. I really enjoyed writing Show Up Scared the Teen edition because I got to write the things that I knew I needed as a teen, right? And I didn't have. And of course, with the loss of my mom, that's a whole other thing. But there's situations that teens are dealing with with parents, right? There. So The way I wrote the book is I became their big s big sister. So I never had a big sister. And it was really cool to have you know, to write as if I'm their big sister through the entire, entire book where they could come to me for like, you know, almost like, I got you. You know, I'm your big sister. I know you're going through this in the hallways, I know you're going through this in in school or you're even w I talk about parents and you're I I mean, I go into deep of what it it looks like to be a, you know, the book is really for thirteen through nineteen years old, what that looks like, all the different, you know, emotional development and all the things that you just go through as a a teenager you're thinking. And I did write it for young girls. Okay. I do have a lot of young boys that are reading it because it's it's for the girl, but it's the same thing you're going through in maybe a little different ways. But a lot came up when I was writing it. It it was it was another like healing moment in a sense, right? Cause the more you write like my first my my show up scared book, my memoir, that was healing, like there's no tomorrow. But this one was like healing the little girl in me, which was so therapeutic, so beautiful. And you know, at my age, I'm fifty-two now, and to be able to have done that. I feel so good. I feel like I've arrived. You know, I'm here. This is how I show up. This is what I this is how I serve. This is what I give back to my community. And I just love all things about me. Yes, I'm always growing and surrounding myself with incredible people like yourself to always, you know, our conversation was so amazing. I walked away with such good stuff, right? Because that's what that's that's what life's about. You don't know everything. But But you still need to be secure with who you are. And I feel like what a gift you can give yourself. I think the greatest gift you can ever give yourself is feeling joy, feeling whole, loving yourself, the good, the bad, the ugly, and just loving yourself and all different versions of you through all these the journey that you go through. And I will tell you, like I I look back and and writing that book about my little teenage years, which I forgot a lot because when you go through trauma, you forget, right? So it had to remember and it it brought me back into places where I didn't want to go, right? But I needed to heal that version of me because how can I be where I'm at today and be able to coach and help and consult individuals to be great when I'm a little broken. And I've seen that, right, through coaches where maybe they're not coaching in ways where They're really themselves. And I love that I can show up and and help so many people through saying, Hey, I I've been there. I've done it. It's painful. Ooh, yeah, it's I hid it for years. And I I was afraid of judgment. I was afraid I wasn't good enough. Been there and I can coach you through it because one day I want you to sit and be exactly where I'm at today, where you're like, Yeah, I did it. And and guess what? Healing continues, right? I'm not done yet. I've arrived in in a way of like, okay. I did the work, but I'm sure more things will come up. The difference is that now I'm excited about healing through those things versus looking at it as like, I don't want to deal with that right now. It's too painful. Now I'm like, yes, I know what it looks like when you heal through those emotions because you just become a better version of you that you can give to the world. You give to your kids, give to your husband, give to your wife. You know, you just show up and just feel so good about who you are every day. And that to me is beautiful. Kelsey Dunbar (Co-Founder): Yep. Well said. And this is one of those times where I feel like we're so well aligned. And even it's kind of funny, I think that there's genuinely an opportunity for us, whether it's a webinar, workshop, something like that. But your book that you wrote for children was from thirteen to nineteen, whereas the book that I wrote for children is for children from eight to thirteen. So I think there's something in that. But it was based on The experiences that I had as a youngster and where I struggled the most. And so I very much relate to what you were saying there. And the name of our book is You're Not Broken. So when you were talking about there's something must be broken in me, it's the all that aligns. So, I I totally get that and how that can be so personal to you. And it's interesting that you talk about when you were writing it that you had to relive trauma because we actually had adults that read our book. that came to us and said this book was amazing and we're like, does that mean you you think it's gonna help your kid or or it did help your kid? And they're like, no, it helped us. Cause they had this trauma that they never dealt with that by reading that book, thinking it was they're they were reading it to see if they thought it would be appropriate for their children, and they realized that it helped them heal. So I I love how you can make a book with a a sweet spot or a prime age for that book. But yet people of all different ages would look at it and go, This feels just as much for me as that 13 to 19 year old or that eight to thirteen year old. So I I've lived that experience as well. So I know how much that means to you because I know how much mine meant to me. So pretty cool. Yep. Alexandra Silva Labarr: So good. So good. Kelsey Dunbar (Co-Founder): So about the adults of the children that read your book. What can adults do when a young person is scared or overwhelmed without dismissing what they're feeling? What would you guide the adults who are leading the girls that are reading your book that are trying to heal themselves? How can they help? Alexandra Silva Labarr: Yeah, so a lot of people that I, you know, that reach out to me, the moms or the dads, they're reading like Show Up Scared, especially the moms, my memoir, and then they're they're reading it with their children, which is amazing. I love how they're both reading it together. But in both books I talk about the feel forward method that I created. I designed the feel forward method is designed to help your peer you know, parents, even the teen go back. to into that method when they're feeling stressed out because it's it's feel it, right? Face it, build mom momentum, and then move through it. So I talk about that in a book. I go through each section, what it means. And I also have a workbook on Amazon that you can just buy the workbook. It's called Feel Forward Method from the book Show Up Scared and you could just go through exercise. But as you continue to master it, the method, no matter what you're going through, You get through it because number one is feeling it, right? And that's what they tell you not to do. They tell you to hide it. Imagine your your mom and your daughter comes up to you and tells you they're going through all these things. And instead of trying to solve the problem for them, you start listening to them and it's okay, honey, you could feel it. Feel it. I want you to, I want now you ask questions around feeling it. So how do you feel? Why do you feel this way? What do you think is gonna happen? So you go through this, feel it. Where you give them permission to just really feel. And it's a you know, we all know what that looks like when somebody allows you to feel, right? And then we're gonna face it. Okay. What you're feeling, let's face it now. What what what is it telling you? What what's gonna what do you think could happen if you did do this? What you know, so you ask questions around it, and then you start building the momentum, right? And the you know, movement towards it of getting it done. So it's Four steps, but the parents can now have a different conversation with their child versus Trying to solve their problem. And that's not how it works. And I was that parent. I'm gonna be completely honest with you. And I remember my son in college calling me, and he's like 18, across the country in California, and he's telling me he's going through something, and here I was just trying to solve his problem. And he said, Mom, sometimes I just need you to hear me. And that day really shook me. And to this day, I always asked my questions like, I know you're venting right now, or I know you're going through something. Do you want me to tell you or give you an advice, or you just want me to listen? Because that is what changes the relationship between a child and their parent, is because parents, we want to protect our children. So we go into protection and we go into problem solving. But they don't need that. They need you to listen. You can help them through it, but they need to own it because one day you're not gonna be here, like my mom, my parents, right? And what is that child going to do? They gotta feel it. They gotta face it. Right? They have to because that's how you're gonna get through that situation. So that's where I developed that feel forward method from, and that's to help even a teacher, a a dad get Help that individual get through whatever it is that they're going through. But first, is you gotta face it. Yeah. Kelsey Dunbar (Co-Founder): Yeah, you know you know the expression, I couldn't have said that better myself. In this case, I wouldn't have come close. So that was fantastic. Love it. So all right, so as you talk about, people often imagine growth as a point where fear disappears, and obviously your message leaves room for fear to still be there. So for you personally, what does moving forward look like for you in this season of your life, especially when you're facing a moment of uncertainty? Alexandra Silva Labarr: Yeah. I believe that everything that you go through, I believe every level of your life, right? Just think of it like floors, as you continue to climb to different floors in your life, there's gonna be a different type of fear that's gonna show up. So what it means for me is that as I enter. my new chapter and we're always going into different chapters. Chapter I look at chapters as your age. I'm on chapter fifty-two. What does that look like? And how will I deal with situations? Number one is looking back that I came this far. We forget you didn't come this far just to come this far. You see you know what I'm saying? Right? You didn't come this far just to come this far. So reminding yourself of that is important. And how do I deal with I mean it it's it I'm open to just receiving what's next for me from a spiritual standpoint, from just proven track record of no matter what comes to me, I deal with it. And that's where you have to trust yourself. Trust yourself that you got this. And be open to learning, growing, and transforming. Because I'm not the same person I was two years ago. And I hope not, right? If we're not growing, what are you doing? Kelsey Dunbar (Co-Founder): So what's one small step someone could take this week while they still feel afraid? Alexandra Silva Labarr: First is give yourself permission to understand why you're afraid of that thing. because that's that's step one. Like what what why why are you afraid? And then do one little thing. And I'm talking about little thing going towards that thing, right? Whatever it looks like. Tiny little thing. I don't want you to disrupt your life. I don't want you to start making changes. I want you to do one little tiny thing. This week. It could be, let's give you an example. Say you want to write a book. Research what it takes to write a book. That's one thing towards your goal. You're scared, or you want to open up a business. Well, I want you to research one little thing in that industry what that looks like. So those are little little moments of things. you want to have a better nutrition? Well, remove sugar. That could be one little thing this week. You're not gonna die, right? Right? Remove sugar or remove carbs. You know, you you feel like you need to drink more water. Well, guess what? Give yourself an extra, yeah, walk around with a bottle or say this week I'm gonna drink an extra, you know, three glasses. I don't know. I'm just giving you an example. My thing is this one little small move, you know what that ha what that does. It gives your brain evidence that you're about to do some hard things. And it's the brain is like, wait, did she just not eat sugar all week? What's going on here? And all of a sudden, next week you do one more, another thing, your brain's like, okay, here she goes again. She's doing something different again. So that's what happens when you start doing one tiny thing. So don't look at an entire stairway. Just do one little thing today. One tiny thing. And I know people say this all the time, just start, right? It is just start. And that start doesn't need to be the whole story. It just me needs to be one tiny thing. Because you know something? Sometimes we we're afraid of something that it's so big that we want to do. But then we do one, two, three little things, and then you're like, I don't even know if I want to do this anymore. Or it's it it takes you to another direction of like, wait, I could do it this way better. Because in the mess or in the Doing those small things, so much comes up. And it would never come up if you didn't start. So my thing is one little tiny thing. When I coach young girls at I I'm here in Curl Springs Parkland at Douglas, I t I I coach girls there and I give them like in 48 hours, I want you to do one tiny little thing. And they're like, my gosh, I'm like, yeah, one little thing. And then I leave the the the teachers. Held accountable to follow up in 48 hours to make sure they got it done. And it could be, I'm gonna apply for a job. I had one girl say. The other one said, I really want to be a dancer, but I'm scared. I was like, okay, now go look up dancing schools in your area, see what it costs, see what it entails, and go talk to your mom and see if that's a wow. See, that's a move. That doesn't mean you're gonna do it tomorrow, but that's a move towards something that scares you. But the reason why it scares you because you don't have information, you think you can't do it, might be a lot of money, my mom may not. Well, go find out and see what it could be. You know, another person wants to get a job, another one person wants to, you know, get into a college that don't she don't think she can get well, go do the research. So that's what I give to the audience that are listening today is one little tiny move can really change a lot. And it can help you get to to you know, get rid of some of that fear that you have. Right? Because you become courage you know, courageous to go after it. Don't let anything stop you. Kelsey Dunbar (Co-Founder): Yeah, I I love that. And honestly, I think videos of your inner monologue would beat most people's outer monologue. And I think you should think about maybe doing like a little video series of my inner monologue. I was talking to myself today and I said self. No, I I but I think that would be great for you. You would be incredible with that. So just food for Alexandra Silva Labarr: Wow, okay. All right. Kelsey Dunbar (Co-Founder): thought. So Alexander, I really appreciate you sharing your story and the way that you think about fear. And What I'm taking from this is that moving forward doesn't always begin with confidence. Sometimes it can begin by noticing what fear is telling us and deciding what we want to do with that information and then taking, as you've said, one step. So before we wrap up, where would you like listeners to find you, your books or the work that you're doing? How do people get involved with you? Alexandra Silva Labarr: I'll make it easy for everyone. So if you Google, right, there is this this is funny. So there's this thing on social media now that women are putting up. I want to work hard because I want my husband to say Google her. So Google me, I'm gonna say it. My husband's not here to say it, but Google me. No, I've it it's a joke. I know I g i I thought it was funny because people are like posting it everywhere saying, you know, picture of them and saying they want their husbands to say, just Google my wife. So go to Google and type in Alexandra Silva La Bar, and I kept my name the same for every single platform. So there's no weird names. It's Instagram, Facebook, TikTok. I'm on LinkedIn, of Kelsey Dunbar (Co-Founder): LinkedIn. Alexandra Silva Labarr: course. That's where we we connected. And YouTube. I so you know, my books, you type in Amazon, Alexandra Silva Labarr, all of them will pop up. So yeah, I try to keep it simple for everyone. Kelsey Dunbar (Co-Founder): That's awesome. So thanks again so much for being here, Alexandra. And to everybody listening, if fear has been showing up in your life, you don't have to pretend it isn't there. You can listen, learn from it, and decide what your next step will be. So thanks for spending this time with us on Rebuild and Fulfill. And if this conversation helped you, please share it with someone who might need it and follow the show so you can join us for the next episode. And remember, you're not broken. You may just be overloaded. So keep rebuilding and keep moving forward and take care. Bye bye.