Latest / Becoming Anchored / Becoming Anchored S2E3: How to Support Your Body During the Postpartum Time with Emily Pardy

Transcript

Becoming Anchored S2E3: How to Support Your Body During the Postpartum Time with Emily Pardy · Becoming Anchored

0:05
Hi, everyone.
0:07
Welcome to the Becoming Anchored podcast.
0:10
My name is Laura Dineen, and I am so glad that you're here.
0:13
Lauren Jackson is not with us today, but we do have a lovely,
0:17
lovely guest, Emily Pardee.
0:19
Welcome, Emily.
0:20
Thank you.
0:21
Thank you for having me.
0:23
Of course, of course, when I was thinking about the people that I wanted
0:26
to have on this podcast, you were one of the first people that came to mind.
0:29
And so I'm just super grateful.
0:31
I know that your time is so valuable.
0:33
Emily will tell you all more about herself, but she is a mom too.
0:36
for girls and she also runs a group practice amongst many
0:40
other business endeavors.
0:41
So super grateful for your time today and I'm really glad that you
0:44
guys are listening today as I think this topic will pertain to a lot of
0:48
you and where you have been or maybe where you are going in your journeys.
0:51
So if you're new to the Becoming Anchored podcast, we really are just here to
0:56
ride the waves of life with you all.
0:58
We're here to talk about the pain, the sorrow, the grief, the joy, all of it.
1:02
And through that, we're first and foremost humans on this show, but
1:06
we do have the wonderful benefit of sitting with clients day in and day out.
1:11
And so this work is such Sacred work, um, for both Emily and myself and we
1:17
just, we love sitting with clients and we love that part of our work.
1:20
So Emily is a therapist as well.
1:22
Um, so yeah, that's really what the Becoming Anchored podcast is about.
1:25
So just to share about our real life lived experiences first and foremost and then
1:29
to offer some of our wisdom that we have gleaned over the years as therapists.
1:33
Um, so if you are local to Tennessee, reach out to Anchored Counseling Co.
1:38
or Emily's Practice Readiness Counseling, um, cannot recommend
1:42
her enough to you all as well.
1:44
And I'll let her share a little bit more about the work that she does.
1:47
But if you're local, um, Please reach out to us.
1:49
If not, um, please find someone local in your area as this is not therapy.
2:11
So I'm super excited to dive in today.
2:14
We are going to be talking about a super important topic, one that I think is not
2:20
talked about enough, but it's body image during the postpartum era, if you will.
2:26
Um, and I think this is, this can apply really for, for any human as
2:31
we all have a body, but we're going to be talking specifically about
2:33
body image in the postpartum era.
2:36
So Emily, I would love to hear a little bit more about.
2:39
The work that you do and, um, really your expertise on this topic.
2:45
Thank you so much.
2:47
I'm really, really blessed to be here today and I'm so grateful
2:50
for your friendship and our, just, As a professional colleague, you
2:54
know, recommending people, we, we've definitely swapped, uh,
2:57
clients referrals, both directions.
3:00
So I appreciate that.
3:01
And yeah, so I founded readiness counseling, uh, almost eight
3:05
years ago now, which is crazy.
3:08
And, you know, we specialize in perinatal mental health, which is a fancy way
3:13
of saying pregnancy, postpartum, infertility, loss, and early parenting.
3:17
And it really was, uh, one of those things that I needed, and it wasn't
3:22
around, you know, when I became a mother.
3:24
Um, as you mentioned, I am a mother of four girls.
3:28
And so now they are really my, like, why.
3:32
Of why I think I want to change the landscape of how we talk about maternal
3:37
mental health how motherhood changes you.
3:40
um And of course, you know, our our bodies are with us through it all right
3:46
and I think it's um, you know pregnancy and postpartum is one of those really
3:50
wild seasons that It, it happens to you, and, um, it's out, it's, you know, one
3:58
of the first major milestones where you really have no control over how that's
4:04
gonna be, you know, you can have ideas and expectations, um, but the reality
4:09
of how it feels for you and your own skin is very unique to every person.
4:15
Um, and I think that, yeah, we, we're doing a little bit better job of just
4:19
being able to talk about these things, but I think there's still a lot of stigma and
4:22
taboo around, like, how it should feel and what it should look like, um, as opposed
4:29
to, like, the actual lived experiences that so many women are, um, are living
4:33
out, and couples are living out in, in isolation, really, um, because they, their
4:38
feelings don't match those shoulds, right?
4:41
And they don't know who to turn to, where to bring that, um, and so
4:46
myself and our wonderful counselors here have the privilege of holding
4:50
space for that, um, in those unique windows that those milestones.
4:56
Um, while thrilling and, and even when they go well are extremely stressful
5:01
and changes your life forever.
5:04
Um, and, and often comes with detours or bumps along the way, right?
5:09
So, uh, we are here for all of that and I think it's just been a privilege
5:15
and a gift to be able to watch, um, people journey through that and
5:20
all the different milestones that, that come with that season of life.
5:24
Absolutely.
5:25
Gosh.
5:25
And there's like 10 different things that you said that I want
5:28
to pick your brain on today.
5:30
Um, but yeah, I mean that word wild really stood out to me because I'm
5:34
like, yes, I have a little 16 month old at home, almost 17 month old now.
5:39
And they're really, it's hard.
5:42
I've done a lot of therapy around my own birthing experience, my own
5:46
pregnancy, postpartum, all of it.
5:48
And it's really hard to put words to that, but yeah, I mean, it is a wild world.
5:53
Right, and that stigma that you mentioned as well, that piece stood out to me.
5:58
I'm just curious, like, what do you see in your practice that
6:03
maybe is perpetuating stigma?
6:05
You mentioned that word should, like, what are clients coming to you with that maybe
6:10
you're working on debunking with them?
6:13
Yeah, you know, it's interesting because while postpartum body images is, you
6:20
know, everyone can kind of relate to that, like, oh, getting back to a certain
6:24
idea of who you feel like you are in your own body, your own skin, of course.
6:29
But I think that journey, that that's kind of the the landing
6:33
zone of what starts way, way back.
6:36
And I would say, and even raising girls now, you know, back in the puberty era
6:42
where you first get your period, you can't really talk too much about that.
6:46
You know, we're getting a little bit better about that now.
6:48
Um, but I think what I see is the expectations start then, right?
6:54
Our ideas of motherhood of the capability of getting pregnant.
7:00
of, uh, the fears and hopes around that whole idea and life
7:05
phase, we start shaping that then.
7:09
Um, and if we aren't able to talk about infertility or, you know, just
7:14
the, the differences, the illnesses that, that can conflict, you know, can
7:18
inflict on people or the toll it takes on your career or your relationships.
7:24
Um, then women are finding themselves really lost in their twenties,
7:29
thirties, and older, feeling like, nobody told me I had to choose
7:34
between a career and a family, right?
7:36
Um, nobody told me I had to, um, take paid time off to be able to go to my
7:44
IVF clinic, you know, or go get, you know, it's like all these avenues that
7:48
are actually very, very common now.
7:51
Um, we didn't set any tracks down for that route early in our
7:58
conceptualization of what it would look like to become a mother.
8:02
So I think that, um, you know, we're, again, we're getting a little bit better
8:08
about this, but when we start with informing and educating girls that like,
8:13
you have a 28 day period and this is when you ovulate and this is the end.
8:16
And like, if they even get that much information.
8:20
Then anything outside of that is like, well, I guess I'm the problem.
8:23
I guess my body doesn't work that way.
8:25
Right.
8:26
Which is actually the majority of women, um, are, are, you know, off a
8:31
little bit or a little longer, a little short, you know, all these things.
8:34
So the story of like what I should be doing and what should
8:40
go in a certain direction.
8:42
Um, then it's really challenging to wrap your head around when that time
8:47
comes and you're like, okay, I'm ready.
8:49
I'm ready to be pregnant and it's like everybody I know, by the time
8:54
you hit that point, you're ready to be pregnant yesterday, like you want it.
9:00
And then you realize, I don't really know how this works maybe, and some of us
9:05
get lucky and we, you know, are able to.
9:09
conceive easily and have healthy pregnancies that are
9:12
uneventful, which is awesome.
9:14
But many, many are not, and I think when you don't, when we've called that the
9:19
norm, and that's not your story, and it actually isn't the norm, um, Then it,
9:26
you feel like it's a you problem, right?
9:28
And so that's what I see in a lot of clients is this kind of unraveling of
9:33
like, Oh, this goes actually way back into your beliefs about who you are and
9:38
how you felt about yourself way before you met this new child in your life.
9:45
Absolutely.
9:46
Yeah.
9:46
And just to kind of piggyback off on what you're saying.
9:50
Yeah.
9:50
I mean, those expectations are something, especially that are
9:54
placed on our bodies, right?
9:55
We're talking about body image today, postpartum, those expectations are
9:59
something that we are talking to clients about really on a daily
10:02
basis in my practice and looking at where those expectations come from.
10:07
Came from, come from.
10:09
Um, is that self-imposed?
10:11
Is it imposed?
10:12
Well, we live in a problematic culture, right?
10:14
So I would argue that everyone lives in this diet culture, and so some of it
10:18
is imposed by other people, but really looking at where those expectations
10:23
that you're putting on your body to look a certain way are coming from.
10:27
Is that helping your mental health?
10:29
Is it harming you?
10:30
And then, yeah, the should piece, like there's something wrong with my body, I
10:34
think is, is really the narrative that we see oftentimes in art practice as well.
10:39
And I think the postpartum kind of time can be especially vulnerable for,
10:44
um, women and that, that process of that internalized shame oftentimes
10:51
shows up of like, you know, there's something wrong with me or, um, you
10:55
know, whatever it might be, and you're right, typically it is linked to
10:59
earlier messages in our formative years.
11:02
So when I say that word formative, for those of you that are listening, that's
11:05
that kind of childhood, adolescent, when our brains are really, um,
11:09
growing and building neural pathways that can just be really helpful
11:12
to unpack in the therapy space.
11:15
It's like, hey, where does this expectation that you're Putting
11:17
on yourself come from, um, and so I hear you saying that as well.
11:21
Yeah.
11:23
What do you think, in your opinion, I certainly have some thoughts, and
11:26
I'm not the expert that you are, but around what makes that postpartum kind
11:33
of time especially vulnerable to, for women experiencing negative body image,
11:40
what do you think it is about that time that is so vulnerable for people?
11:44
I'll
11:46
Oh, yeah, there's, it's so multifaceted, you know, it's, um, I'm, I'm
11:51
certified in perinatal mental health.
11:52
So when we talk about like perinatal mood disorders, we're, we're talking
11:56
about postpartum depression, of course, it's kind of the popular one, but also
11:59
postpartum anxiety, postpartum OCD.
12:02
Um, and even before any of that, there is the very typical, like we're
12:07
talking 80 to 100 percent because I, we think it's like pretty much
12:11
everyone has baby blues, right?
12:13
That right after.
12:15
You give birth, your hormones are regulating, like it is, it is not
12:20
unusual or inappropriate at all to be overly emotional or crying a lot
12:25
or, you know, it, it, it kind of runs the spectrum and as long as it
12:29
isn't harmful to yourself or someone else, it's pretty, um, normal, right?
12:35
So it, it is okay.
12:37
And that usually regulates.
12:39
Um, and I think that, um, We have to be able to give some air for that,
12:45
you know, that I think that it starts right away, that if I'm crying, but I'm
12:49
looking at my baby, I'm doing it wrong.
12:51
Right.
12:52
That I'm like, Oh no, there's a lot of fear in our culture about like,
12:57
well, does that mean I'm not bonding?
12:59
Okay.
12:59
What if I choose to breastfeed or not?
13:01
You know, and there's a lot of shame around.
13:04
Not being able to produce enough milk for your baby.
13:06
Um, I think the whole breastfeeding piece just is difficult.
13:13
You know, I think there's a, a huge struggle in feeding.
13:16
I don't think there's enough lactation support that's offered or encouraged.
13:22
Um, And then also if you don't choose to breastfeed, you
13:26
know, it's still challenging.
13:28
Like you're still having to feed the baby and make bottles
13:31
and keep up with all that.
13:32
Like it's not a, there's no easy route here, you know.
13:36
Um, but I think that because of that link to your own body in
13:41
postpartum, like we are biologically designed to feel viscerally
13:48
reactive when our baby cries, right?
13:51
It's like the cave woman lizard brain part of us doesn't know the difference
13:54
between hungry baby that's fine and no, and the bottle is warming up and
13:59
they're crying and it's going to be a minute or baby getting eaten by a tiger.
14:04
Right.
14:05
And so our bodies react to that.
14:08
And so we We, we already struggle with that kind of like internal external
14:13
conflict of those mixed messages, right?
14:16
So that's just on a like fundamental level and then we, we put ourselves
14:22
in a context where Um, apparently some people can have a flat stomach
14:29
in four weeks after a baby, right?
14:31
It's like, and we've been shown, and again and again and again, Wow, look at the,
14:37
look what was attainable for this baby.
14:41
Human.
14:42
And it's not, it's not wrong until we make that the
14:47
expectation for all humans, right?
14:50
That it's like, oh, if she looks like that, good for her.
14:55
She, but she alone in her body who was able to, you know, and we,
15:01
and we make it something that's like, she achieved that, right?
15:05
And it's like, well, that actually, we're meriting something
15:09
that doesn't necessarily.
15:12
Like need acknowledgement, like maybe, maybe she's struggling.
15:17
Is she okay?
15:18
You know, the, or that's just how her body reacted,
15:21
right?
15:21
Yeah.
15:22
Yeah, exactly.
15:23
Yeah.
15:24
And that's something that we talk a lot to clients about in the
15:26
practice as well is really this piece around like, Hey, we can't tell if
15:33
someone is okay by looking at them.
15:36
And that's part of that diet culture piece.
15:38
Right.
15:38
So I love what you said of like, Hey, yeah, somebody, um, may, their body may
15:44
change a lot in pregnancy and someone else may not, and I think at the end of
15:48
the day, it's really important to focus with clients on how are you taking care
15:52
of your body, and really, like you talked about, right, like, This kind of primal
15:58
response to some of these hormonal changes and vulnerabilities through that, how
16:03
are you taking care of your body, right?
16:05
Like, are you getting enough sleep?
16:06
Are you getting enough rest?
16:07
Are you nourishing yourself well enough?
16:10
Um, are you getting adequate nutrition?
16:12
Because that's also such a vulnerable time for our bodies.
16:15
They're trying to repair and there's blood loss and all these other
16:17
things that are going into it.
16:19
And so one thing that we like to do at Anchored is really shifting from
16:22
like, What does my body look like to, hey, can we care for our bodies?
16:27
And hopefully this is beyond just postpartum, right?
16:29
Hopefully it's like, yeah.
16:32
Always.
16:32
Yeah.
16:33
I think you're right.
16:35
It's that vulnerability that like, you know, we are also fed in our
16:40
culture that if we're not suffering or sacrificing, we're doing motherhood wrong.
16:46
And so right from the get go, we aren't getting enough rest.
16:50
We are putting the baby first, you know, um, we, we aren't
16:54
eating enough or staying hydrated.
16:57
You know, it's like we are so focused on this new baby, which is a good
17:01
thing, but we have to allow for.
17:03
You know, there's kind of what we call an appropriate imbalance, where it's like,
17:08
okay, now all of our energy is going to be consumed by this new little human.
17:13
But that means that then there should be an appropriate re rebalance, right?
17:20
That it's like, at some point, okay, I am asking for help.
17:24
I am making sure I'm getting sleep.
17:26
someone else can help with the baby, you know, and so we really want to teach
17:31
new parents to kind of help each other recalibrate that, um, and to be able to
17:37
find the support they need, you know, if that is feeding support, or if it is an
17:41
overnight nurse, or if it is asking for help from your friends or family, um, and
17:47
I think that we just, we haven't enabled.
17:51
the asking for help mechanism enough in humans, you know, we're a very individual
17:58
Society and I think that I mean truly when we say like it takes a village
18:02
like it really does And so like get your village and find that community that
18:07
can actually Not just show up for you, but like encourage you to reach out.
18:12
Yeah.
18:13
Yeah, absolutely Yeah, and I love I love what you're talking about I read
18:17
a post the other day just talking about how oftentimes especially in
18:20
the postpartum You know, period.
18:23
The moms are the ones that are lost.
18:27
Um, and this might actually have been a post that your practice
18:29
made, now that I'm thinking of it.
18:31
But it was something along those lines of, like, what you're talking
18:33
about, this, like, recalibration.
18:36
Of, yeah, baby is important, of course, and there's this precious new life,
18:39
and Mom's important as well, whether it's, um, her mental health or physical
18:45
health and making sure that she has appropriate care and, um, just all
18:50
these pieces, I think, that are really important in the postpartum period.
18:55
Um, one thing that I'm thinking about my own postpartum journey, I, I do
18:59
have quite a few friends who have had babies and had babies before me
19:03
and, um, I was more career focused and then decided to have postpartum.
19:08
But I feel like one of the pieces that I wasn't prepared for was the physical
19:13
pain that I was in postpartum and there were some things so I did have a friend
19:18
who did warn me about the tears and she was like, Hey, Laura, you are going to
19:21
cry and you're not going to know why.
19:23
So when that happened, I was like, Okay, thank goodness for this
19:26
friend that told me about that.
19:28
But I was not prepared for my own recovery and yeah, There were times when I slipped
19:34
into shame or guilt or just anger towards my body and I really had to work through
19:39
that and get support from the people that were in my safe community, um, and
19:44
my therapist, and I did all the things to be able to work through that, but I
19:48
think, I mean, that's related to body image because I felt this assumption,
19:53
like we were talking about, or this expectation that I should be recovering
19:56
faster, and I'm a doer, you know this, but Like, it didn't fit my plan.
20:00
You know, I'm like,
20:21
That was just something that stood out to me as you were talking.
20:24
great point because it, it, it feels very defeating and you just did
20:29
something amazing, you know, like you should feel, like, so proud
20:34
of yourself and your body, right?
20:35
So, that's where it feels almost like backwards because you can go into the
20:41
expectation of feeling like empowered and like I am woman, you know, and
20:45
like, yeah, it's maternal and shouldn't that power like kick in and make me
20:49
feel like I'm on top of the world.
20:52
And you know, a lot of times, sometimes the birth story doesn't
20:56
pan out the way we had hoped.
20:58
Um, that's its own trauma that is worthy of, you know, Doing the work.
21:03
Um, you know, sometimes a lot of times we gloss over like as long as
21:08
baby and mom are healthy and okay.
21:10
That shouldn't matter quote unquote, you know, and it's like it absolutely
21:14
matters and I've seen many many women get you know just struggle with the
21:21
trauma of that expectation or that loss of you know, It just didn't go the way
21:27
they planned or it became very scary and traumatic um And so, you know, if
21:32
you're out there and you, you survived a birth, but you are still very, um,
21:37
perplexed as to why it matters to you, you get hung up on these things, definitely
21:42
talking through that because your body keeps the score on that too, right?
21:47
And it, and it really does matter, um, especially then in your
21:51
expectations of how you're healing.
21:53
Um, and I guarantee you, like, every, everybody's birth story is so different.
22:00
I've probably heard, you Hundreds of thousands of birth stories by now and
22:05
it's like, um, everyone is unique, right, and it really is remarkable, um, how,
22:14
you know, one can experience something and another woman can be like, that was
22:19
not at all my experience, you know, and it could even be Have the same facts,
22:24
you know of like I pushed for an hour or I had a c section or whatever So,
22:29
you know, and I just think we're not Preparing your as you mentioned like
22:35
enough Mentally to be able to say like, oh, I actually need my whole body my
22:41
spirit my mind everything to recover.
22:45
This is not just my vagina, you know, like this is like inside and out.
22:50
My whole being has shifted.
22:53
And so that takes time that and, and time is an element we very easily
22:59
dismiss, you know, we just like, Oh, I don't have time for this.
23:02
We're a very busy culture.
23:03
And it's like, no, it literally just will take time for your body to heal.
23:09
And you have to be able to be open to it.
23:12
Um, because it, it can be very frustrating, especially if you
23:16
are not able to like physically move in the way that you want to.
23:21
And mentally you can have the need to go outside and have a walk,
23:25
but maybe that's not what your body is capable of in that moment.
23:29
And so it can feel very, um, defeating in that, in your own skin, you know,
23:36
and you're supposed to have, you know, um, feel empowered and instead you
23:40
feel left out and kind of, um, behind.
23:45
Yeah.
23:46
And I think what we talk to clients about a lot in our practice, and I'm sure
23:50
you can relate to this on some level is some of the grief that is there, right?
23:55
Whether you're, you know, you're a first time mom or some of these
23:59
expectations or grief around your birth story or infertility and almost feeling
24:04
like, um, a distrust in our bodies.
24:07
And so part of the work that we do here is asking clients how we
24:12
build that trust back in our bodies.
24:15
And I think, um, doing the therapy work and reaching out for
24:19
support, like you're talking about with people that truly get it.
24:22
Um, is so pivotal because it's also countercultural, right?
24:26
We're sold these messages back to those messages that we can't trust
24:29
our bodies and that we should always be changing or that we should always
24:32
be comparing our bodies to you know, Jane's body or whatever it might be.
24:36
And I think the postpartum time is a very vulnerable time for all of those things.
24:41
And so one thing that we're talking to clients about, whether they've just had
24:44
a baby or not, is, is really like, hey, how do we help you trust your body?
24:50
Even if maybe we need to work on the trauma of it not showing up for you,
24:54
or you think that when it, when you gave birth, um, and how do we rebuild
24:58
trust in our bodies and, you know, And it's so unique for everyone like
25:02
you talked about, but I think that can just be such a great question if you're
25:04
listening today to ask yourself maybe what takes away from trust in my body
25:09
and then what helps me trust my body.
25:12
Um, so if I'm hungry, giving it, giving it food.
25:16
If I'm thirsty, giving it some water.
25:18
If I need to go to the bathroom, using the restroom, like asking for help.
25:22
If I'm overwhelmed, that's like men, you know, trusting that I can reach
25:25
out when I'm struggling mentally.
25:27
So.
25:28
That's one piece that we really love to do, work around with clients in our
25:32
practice, and I'm sure that you do quite extensive work around that as well.
25:36
We do.
25:36
Yeah.
25:36
It's, it's beautiful work.
25:38
It is beautiful work.
25:39
And it is, it, it should, you know, it can be so empowering
25:44
on the other side of it, right?
25:45
So if you are feeling defeated.
25:48
If you are questioning, like, oh, this is just me, I feel this way because I'm that
25:53
way, you know, it's, you are not alone.
25:56
Yeah.
25:57
We, you know, I built a whole business around it, you know, it's
26:00
like it's, you are not the only one.
26:03
And there is a through, you know, you can get through this.
26:08
Um, and I think that a lot of times we, in the postpartum period, you
26:13
know, we've, we have never seen our bodies in that state before, right?
26:19
It's like, well, you, you have, um, months of becoming larger as
26:24
your pregnancy, you know, grows.
26:26
Um, and it's kind of this gradual thing, but then all of a sudden,
26:30
It's done, and it's like, what?
26:33
You birthed a baby.
26:34
Yep.
26:35
Where's the baby?
26:36
What is all this skin about?
26:38
What is all this jiggling about?
26:40
You know, and, and, you know, many, many women haven't, they've never seen their
26:46
body look even remotely like that, right?
26:49
It's not meant to until that happens, right?
26:52
So it's just very unfamiliar, and it's very weird.
26:57
It can feel, again, kind of.
26:59
out of control, um, like it's foreign to you.
27:02
And so I, I think we forget too, that like we, we do all
27:07
live in aging, changing bodies.
27:10
Um, and so a lot of times women will say like, Oh, it's because I had a
27:15
baby that I don't like my body anymore.
27:18
Or it's because, you know, it's like, This thing, I, if I wanted to have
27:23
kids, this was what I had to do, you know, and, and I get that and it's,
27:28
and somehow we turn that narrative into like resenting ourselves.
27:32
I don't know why it's messy, but, um, But we, we are changing anyway, right?
27:39
And I try to kind of take them out of that here and now, like, this is
27:44
only because I chose to have children.
27:46
It's like, no, actually, like, I don't know what your body would look like
27:50
today, but I know it won't look the same in 10 years or 20 years or 30 years.
27:56
And, and so I think that's so much deeper than just, okay, I'll
27:59
accept my postpartum body because it brought my kid into the world.
28:05
I think you're worthy of accepting your body in its changing,
28:10
growing state at all stages.
28:13
I love this.
28:14
And I completely agree.
28:16
And even this, you know, this culture that we live in, like we've talked about today,
28:20
um, Yeah, I mean, there is this pressure to stay young and stay looking a certain
28:26
way and back to that appearance thing.
28:28
This is where it can be really helpful for clients to shift
28:31
back to their value system.
28:33
So this is from Acceptance Commitment Therapy, for those of
28:35
you that are listening, if you're familiar with the therapy world.
28:38
But this is really shifting back to our values instead of our appearance.
28:43
And also, we don't want to invalidate a client, right?
28:45
Like you're saying, like, sure, I get that that's, you know, You're
28:48
what you're coming into therapy with and are you open to a different
28:52
perspective or a new perspective?
28:55
Like you talked about of like, hey, our bodies may look different
28:57
tomorrow, ten years from now, etc.
28:59
And how do we embrace that versus this more shame based response
29:04
that often shows up for clients?
29:06
And really shifting that response, I think, to our bodies, especially in the
29:10
postpartum kind of era, is really helpful.
29:15
Yeah, I think In motherhood, we have such a gift, too, of being able to
29:19
look at, you know, something I'll, I'll say often to new mothers is, you
29:23
know, look, look at this new baby.
29:25
Like, is this baby perfect?
29:28
And they're like, yes, absolutely.
29:30
I'm like, yes, we all agree.
29:32
This creature is adorable and perfect.
29:35
He or she is absolutely perfect.
29:37
And then I'll say, Do, does the baby know they're perfect?
29:42
Is there an awareness of how pure and good and innocent and lovely they are?
29:48
No, she has no idea.
29:50
He has no idea, right?
29:51
The no, no awareness, just a newborn helpless.
29:55
Does that take away?
29:57
Any value of how perfect and worthy they are.
30:02
No, so the reality is we don't have to be aware of how awesome
30:09
we are, of how worthy we are.
30:12
We just are, right?
30:14
And so I think when we separate out, you know, you're talking about
30:17
your, your value, that you intrinsic intrinsically have value and worth,
30:24
whether you feel like you do or not.
30:27
And I think that baseline.
30:29
Of, okay, I can accept that regardless of how I feel, regardless of how
30:35
I fit in my jeans, or how I look in the mirror today, that, okay,
30:40
that's true for my perfect baby.
30:45
It has to then also be true for me.
30:48
And that kind of motivation is so much easier for, uh, I mean, me, even as a
30:54
parent, I'll speak for myself, like to grasp and to know like, okay, like yes,
31:00
I, I will believe that because I can look at my child and know their worth.
31:05
Um, and sometimes that's an easier sidestep than just in and of myself.
31:10
I'm worthy, right?
31:12
And, and so absolutely, I like to use that.
31:15
Motivation that's already built into this new experience of motherhood.
31:20
Yeah.
31:21
Yeah.
31:22
Well, thank you, Emily, for your time.
31:23
I know that we could probably keep talking for minutes or hours.
31:27
Um, and we acknowledge here today, like, yeah, we're so grateful.
31:31
Um, you know, body image is complex.
31:34
And so, We acknowledge that, and there's so much that we did not even touch
31:39
on today, but if something about this episode spoke to you, please reach out.
31:44
We would love to hear from you.
31:45
Um, before we close, Emily, I would love to hear a little bit
31:49
more about how clients or people that are in the Nashville area
31:52
can find you and your practice.
31:56
Thank you.
31:57
Yes.
31:57
Well, we'll dump all the info in the show notes, but, um, readinessedcounseling.
32:01
com is our website.
32:03
You can follow us on Instagram at readiness counseling.
32:07
We have physical locations in Nashville, Franklin, Knoxville, and Charleston,
32:11
South Carolina, and are happy to do teletherapy of course, as well.
32:17
Um, and you can follow me at my professional account on Instagram at
32:21
emily.
32:21
party.
32:23
Amazing.
32:23
Thank you so much.
32:24
And yeah, we'll make sure to put those in the show notes.
32:27
So you all know this if you're listening to the podcast, but if you're new, we do
32:31
an affirmation and homework each time.
32:33
Um, we oftentimes give homework at our practice at Anchor, and I'm
32:37
sure that you all do that as well.
32:38
We'd like for clients to have a specific takeaway.
32:41
So Emily, would you like to close with one or both of those?
32:48
Absolutely.
32:49
So, um, a classic easy homework I give to new clients, a lot of times busy moms, is
32:58
just to set a reminder on your phone twice a day, maybe like 10 o'clock and 3 p.
33:03
m., something like that, that pops up and it just asks, what do I need?
33:08
And that's it.
33:09
And it could be anything.
33:11
It could be water, because I've had too much coffee.
33:13
It could be, I really need to call my friend back.
33:16
It could be, um, I haven't had a hot meal.
33:18
You know, it's like, and it doesn't mean you can meet that need immediately, but
33:23
it's just taking inventory that we're slowing down, we're checking in, and
33:28
actually worthy of asking ourselves.
33:30
What do we need?
33:33
Absolutely.
33:34
Yeah.
33:34
I love that.
33:35
I love that.
33:35
That intentional, um, pause, if you will.
33:39
Yeah.
33:40
So I will close with the affirmation.
33:42
So I want to leave you all with this idea that I am capable of taking care
33:50
of my body no matter what it looks like.
33:53
Um, so I want you to think more on what that means for you, but I'm capable
33:57
of taking care of my body today.
33:59
Thank you.
34:00
Thank you, Emily, for being here on the Becoming Anchored podcast.
34:04
We will see you all next time.
34:05
Take care.