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When You Have to Carry the Load: Grace and Sacrifice in Marriage · Doing Marriage Well

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  Doing Marriage Well for September 10th, 2026 When you have to carry the load,
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  grace and sacrifice in marriage.
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  Being an adult means stepping up and doing what needs to be done because it needs to be done.
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  It means taking responsibility for your words and your actions and managing your own life.
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  In marriage and family, it means stepping up when your spouse fails to do so.
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  It means carrying the extra load. And it means doing that without complaining or expecting thanks.
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  We all have times when we can't do what we should. Perhaps we're sick or emotionally
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  empty. We may be in a busy season or dealing with loss and grief.
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  When we're in these places, the adult thing to do is to take care of ourselves.
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  But we also have to consider the needs of our spouse and family.
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  When each spouse is quick to
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  step in when the other can't do all they normally do, it's not a problem.
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  If one does this and the other not so much, that can lead to resentment.
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  Ideally, you are able to talk about this as you go through it.
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  Among other things, please reassure your spouse when you have to pick up the
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  slack. No guilt trips or expectations.
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  Be all, I got this, and I got you.
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  Sometimes being an adult in your marriage means realizing your spouse is in
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  over their head and unable to see or admit that.
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  I tend to keep going until I am completely empty.
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  This is a combination of my personality and being taught to downplay my needs
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  and to see others is more important.
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  I've only gotten there a few times in our marriage, but it's a bad place to be.
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  Lori is getting better at feeling it and suggesting I back off.
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  Sometimes we don't judge ourselves well, and if our spouse sees us more clearly,
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  they can save us a lot of trouble.
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  When you have to carry extra weight because your spouse cannot,
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  it's not your job to tell them that they need to get over it.
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  If you do this, you can cause long-lasting harm to them and to your marriage,
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  especially if you misjudge.
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  It is, however, your job to say, I'm doing too much.
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  This lets your spouse know that they need to pick up whatever they can.
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  Do be sure the motivation is, I can't, not, I want you to do more.
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  Or perhaps you need to discuss what can be let go for the difficult season.
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  Doing extra when your spouse is overwhelmed is sacrificial love,
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  which is something the Lord calls us to.
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  When we do it right, it can have an amazing, lasting impact on our marriages.
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  Difficult times are no fun, but they can make us better people and result in
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  stronger, better marriages.
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  For those who love God, all things work together for good. Note,
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  if one spouse chronically exploits the other's willingness to sacrifice,
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  that is an issue which needs to be addressed.
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  A third party can help you see if that is happening.
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  This is Paul, and carrying your spouse is doing urge very well.