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Listen to this if you feel stuck in life #12 · Free Therapy with Ben & Kevin

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: The world as free therapy. What's up keV?
• 0:04
  Speaker 2: What's up, Benny?
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: How you doing?
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: I am doing wonderful, and I'm so excited for this episode.
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: This was an idea that I had and I shared
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: with Ben while he was on his trip last week.
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: You know, there's been so much wisdom that you and
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: I have shared over the years with each other, from
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: people who have passed from like icons, from authors, from
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: people we've never met before, and it has been some
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: of the greatest therapy for me and I know for
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: you as well. And I just wanted to sit down
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  Speaker 2: and have us like share all of our favorite wisdom
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: with each other.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah. I remember when you told me the idea. I
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  Speaker 1: was like, huh, Yeah, I think that's good because there's
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: a lot of times in our lives and in our
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: relationship where were like, you'll say the quote or all
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  Speaker 1: think about the quote, and then it kind of just
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: brings a sense of calmness to the charged emotion which
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: can weigh on you, whether you're struggling with being overwhelmed
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  Speaker 1: with confusion and with grief, with feelings stuck in your life. Right,
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  Speaker 1: these quotes were said by people who live these exact feelings.
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and it's almost like a form of self therapy totally.
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: Even if you go to therapy, you need to have
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  Speaker 2: something that can keep you on course every day when
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: you shun fall off. So yeah, everybody enjoyed this really
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: fun episode where Ben and I dive into the wisdom
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  Speaker 2: that has changed our lives. And obviously this is not
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  Speaker 2: us sitting down with a therapist this week. We every
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: once in a while like doing something different where it's
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: us two talking about the stuff that we struggle with, Yeah,
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  Speaker 2: and that guys struggle with and don't talk about.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: Because when you have a best friend you can go
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: deep with It feels like re therapy. Enjoy the show,
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: kind of tell people why a were're here today? You
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: called me. I was traveling last week.
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: Was in Europe. I said, Benny, I have an idea
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  Speaker 2: for an episode. There's been so much wisdom that we've
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: shared with each other over the years DMS texts. It's really,
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: I think, been a form of therapy. We have had
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: an opportunity to have the best teachers in these people
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: who are alive and dead that we've never met before.
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  Speaker 2: And it's been huge for me and it's been huge
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  Speaker 2: for you, I know, as well, and I just thought,
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  Speaker 2: how fun would it be to sit down and share
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  Speaker 2: our favorite wisdom and then explore it, dissect it, talk
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: about it.
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  Speaker 1: Sounds great. Well, I'm also curious we'll share ours, But
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  Speaker 1: I feel like most people will not have heard any
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: of the things we're going to talk about because it's
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: so nuanced, right, like what connects with you? So in
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  Speaker 1: my mind, I'm like, well, what are other people's folder
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: read moments, quotes, movies, TV shows, actors, poets, musicians, right, Like,
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: there's a bajillion things out there.
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  Speaker 2: It'd be so fun to actually combine everyone's favorite wisdom
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  Speaker 2: into one book that's fun, Like into one piece of
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  Speaker 2: writing that you could like turn to yeah, and turn
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  Speaker 2: to any page.
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: And maybe it could be like one page like when
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  Speaker 1: you're feeling X, when you're feeling why yeah Z. You
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  Speaker 1: just list out and it's like a feeling wheel. When
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  Speaker 1: I'm angry, Oh, that's a great idea. When I'm sad,
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  Speaker 1: when I'm happy, when I'm frustrated, and we just have
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  Speaker 1: like I love that. It's interesting.
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  Speaker 2: It's a feeling wheel of wisdom.
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  Speaker 1: The free therapy feeling wheel, the free therapy feeling wheel
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  Speaker 1: of wisdom wheel of Wisdom, Free Therapy feeling the feel
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  Speaker 1: of wisdom, The free Therapy feeling wheel of wisdom, the
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  Speaker 1: caveat for the wisdom. Though it has to relate. You
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: have to tell us why you like it and when
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  Speaker 1: you like it. When you're feeling anxious, this is why
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  Speaker 1: you like this wisdom.
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  Speaker 2: There has to be some When I'm feeling black, when.
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  Speaker 1: I'm feeling blank, I read blank.
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  Speaker 2: The free therapy.
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  Speaker 1: Feeling whizm all right.
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: One of my favorites. And I know one of Ben's
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  Speaker 2: favorites that I have told him time and time again.
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  Speaker 2: It's in one of my favorite books, be Here Now
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  Speaker 2: by ram Das, And I turned to this piece of
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  Speaker 2: wisdom when I feel like life is a struggle, when
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  Speaker 2: I'm struggling, Yeah, and this has been such an amazing
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  Speaker 2: guide for me. Ram Das says, either you do it
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  Speaker 2: like it's a big weight on you, or you do
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  Speaker 2: it as part of the dance, because you can dance
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  Speaker 2: through anything.
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  Speaker 1: You really can. That quote is amazing, amazing. Why do
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  Speaker 1: you like it so much?
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  Speaker 2: I saw so many people in my life growing up
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  Speaker 2: doing life as a big weight, yeah, and I just
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  Speaker 2: didn't understand. It bothered me so much because when you're
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  Speaker 2: a kid, it's really easy to understand how you can
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  Speaker 2: just dance through life. But then as you grow up,
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  Speaker 2: the weight starts to build up and accumulate, and then
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  Speaker 2: you feel it and you start living with that weight.
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  Speaker 2: And there's a part of me, you know when memories
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  Speaker 2: are just like engraved in you, that I saw so
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  Speaker 2: much of that growing up that I just decided I
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  Speaker 2: can't live with a big weight.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's funny, we I do that all these little
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  Speaker 1: problems like they're so big, right, Or you go through
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  Speaker 1: life and you're feeling so agitated, you're like, wait, you
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  Speaker 1: don't have to let those things weigh you down like that.
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  Speaker 1: But I think it's really hard. You can do it
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  Speaker 1: like it's a great weight, yeah, Or you can do
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  Speaker 1: it like it's part of the dance.
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  Speaker 2: How do you dance through life? A little more to do?
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  Speaker 1: You? What song are you dancing to? You? When you dance?
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  Speaker 2: Don't stop? Don't stop for me, don't stop, don't stop?
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  Speaker 1: The bee so.
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  Speaker 2: Done on everybody and beat? I feel united?
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  Speaker 1: Whoa what am I I'm thinking like some Whitney Houston caigo.
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  Speaker 2: Okay, oh nice?
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  Speaker 1: All right? Benny, what did you got Okay. When I
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: was like eighteen and I got sick, I watched Steve
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  Speaker 1: Jobs give a speech in front of Stanford Stanford commence
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  Speaker 1: speech in two thousand and seven. He had just beat
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: pancreatic cancer. She's gonna eventually dilator from it again, but
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  Speaker 1: he had. He had talked about the lessons of life.
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  Speaker 1: And I watched this and I was like, oh my god,
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: speech was amazing. I still watch it. I watched it again,
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  Speaker 1: like six months ago. I watched it every year. He said,
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  Speaker 1: you can't connect the dots looking forward, you can only
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  Speaker 1: connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that
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  Speaker 1: the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: to trust in something, your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever.
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  Speaker 1: This approach has never let me down, and it has
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  Speaker 1: made all the difference in my life, right because when
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  Speaker 1: I'm feeling afraid of the future and overwhelmed by decisions,
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  Speaker 1: I sit back and I go, yeah, it's going to
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  Speaker 1: make sense, but in the moment, you can't see it.
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  Speaker 1: And I've even used that quote and then waited five
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: or ten years, and remember when I told myself the
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  Speaker 1: quote and saw the dots connect. So even when I'm
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  Speaker 1: unsure about the dots connecting in the present moment, I
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  Speaker 1: remind myself that they've already connected in other ways, and
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: so that gives me a lot of a comfort, a
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: lot of security, right struggle with that uncertainty thing, so
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  Speaker 1: it gives me some secure.
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: How do you experience faith? Like? Is that faith for you?
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  Speaker 1: Yes? Trust is faith? Right? Faith is trusting that you
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  Speaker 1: know there is this something someone taking care of me.
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  Speaker 1: And I don't think I had that kind of faith
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  Speaker 1: when I was younger. I think as I've gotten older,
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  Speaker 1: some more things have happened that I've started to understand
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  Speaker 1: it more as faith.
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  Speaker 2: Right When did you start to have faith?
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  Speaker 1: I think I started to have faith when I started
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  Speaker 1: to remove my control over certain situations and I started
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  Speaker 1: to sit back and let things unfold in the natural
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  Speaker 1: order whatever that means, right like, and then I was like, oh, okay, cool,
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  Speaker 1: Like things are working out. And I think the perspective
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: from the experience, the perspective from cancer, or the perspective
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  Speaker 1: from you know, bad situations in my life after they
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  Speaker 1: happened and then life moving forward was able to maybe
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  Speaker 1: let me guide that faith experience has helped me see
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  Speaker 1: that differently.
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  Speaker 2: I just love how if you took the name off
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  Speaker 2: that that could be a religious text, it could be
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  Speaker 2: a secular text. And I think that's beautiful, the fact
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  Speaker 2: that it can live in any person's voice, and it
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  Speaker 2: just shows you how true it is, just based off
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: of the fact that humans have adopted that idea. Like,
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  Speaker 2: you're not choosing the truth based on do you believe
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  Speaker 2: that it is true based on your own lived experience.
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  Speaker 2: You're choosing that it's true because for centuries and centuries
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  Speaker 2: human beings have decided that this is an idea that
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  Speaker 2: they should live by. That's a great way to consider
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  Speaker 2: if something is a truth. Has this idea been adopted
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  Speaker 2: over and over and over and over in different cultures,
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  Speaker 2: in different peoples, in different religions.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's true. Yeah, and this is that's an idea one.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, Like Steve Jobs is saying this as a businessman.
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  Speaker 1: For sure, But which which which which profit? Which leader
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  Speaker 1: in a free which Bible?
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  Speaker 2: Which Torah? Which Koran has the exact idea.
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  Speaker 1: That's a good idea. That's interesting. I'm sure it exists totally.
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  Speaker 1: And I'm sure there's another quote from somebody who's listening
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  Speaker 1: to this who says, oh, that's kind of reminds me
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  Speaker 1: of Yeah. Interesting, that's a good point. Okay, what else
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  Speaker 1: you got?
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  Speaker 2: Oh? I love this one. I love this one. As
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  Speaker 2: is a Persian poet. He was like a predecessor to Rumy.
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: He wrote this in maybe the eleven hundreds, so a
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: thousand years ago. Yeah, he said, admit something. Everyone you see,
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  Speaker 2: you say to them love me. Of course you don't
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: do this out loud, otherwise someone would call the police. Still,
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  Speaker 2: think about this, this great pull in us to connect.
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  Speaker 2: Why not become the one who lives with a full
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  Speaker 2: moon in each eye that is always saying, with that
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  Speaker 2: sweet moon language what every other eye in this world
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  Speaker 2: is dying to hear.
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  Speaker 1: That's great and I love.
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  Speaker 2: That everyone who just wants to hear I love you.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, accepted and loved.
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  Speaker 2: All people are looking for, and you're looking for that
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  Speaker 2: everywhere you go. So I think the more you can
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: tell yourself that I love you, to yourself, to yourself first,
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  Speaker 2: then you have more of a capacity to give it
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: to everybody else. Because if you love you, then you
• 11:41
  Speaker 2: can be like, I love you too, and I love you,
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: and I love you stranger who just like cut me
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: off or I love you person who looked at me
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  Speaker 2: and give me a weird look, or I love you
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: person who smiled at me in the supermarket.
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: Did you always love yourself?
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: It's like an hour by hour thing. I did always
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: at the core. And if you ask me if I
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: love myself, yes, yeah, I did always love myself. Is
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: it easy for you to love yourself?
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  Speaker 1: No? No, bro?
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  Speaker 2: Do you love yourself?
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  Speaker 1: Yes? Huh for sure?
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  Speaker 2: Why why is it so hard for us to say, yeah,
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: it's easy to love ourselves, but we love ourselves.
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: No, we say it's hard to love ourselves. Yes, not everybody.
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  Speaker 1: You love yourself, of course, but not everybody. Not everyone
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  Speaker 1: fucking loves themselves, that's for sure. And two, I think
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  Speaker 1: it's very hard for people to get to that self compassion.
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: I accept myself for who I am because you constantly
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: compare yourself to other people. You constantly see your flaws,
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  Speaker 1: You constantly wish you had what someone else had, So
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: then you look at yourself from a sense of I
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: don't have, And that's that negative talk makes you feel
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: less than. So if you're a guy in his early
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: twenties where I was at once in the job or
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: the girl or the you name it, do you love yourself?
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: I don't know. You wish you had something else, and
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  Speaker 1: then that feels like disdaining for yourself. Maybe you which
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: you were taller, you had better qualities. So then you
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: then you are like, wait, but what about me makes
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: me special? And then you have to like really dig
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: into that, and then you have to find people in
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  Speaker 1: your life that brings out those special qualities, and then
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: you start to remind yourself, Oh, I can love myself
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  Speaker 1: unconditionally the way my parents love myself unconditionally.
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: It's a practice though, telling yourself I love it, yes,
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: and practicing gratitude yes, yeah, yes, And you always say
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: gratitude is hard for you. Yeah, I heard a great
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: gratitude prayer is let it not be taken away everything
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  Speaker 2: that I've been given? Mm like meditate on that.
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  Speaker 1: Yeh, that's nice.
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  Speaker 2: Let it not be taken away everything that I have
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  Speaker 2: been given?
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  Speaker 1: Mm hmm mhm. Like you can find things there, Oh yeah, totally.
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: You just point your your just shining the light on
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, what if I lost everything that I have?
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: But you're not pointing toe. Yeah, but you're not pointing
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: to the thing. You're maybe forcing yourself to appreciate. It
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: reminds me of what I remember what I told you
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: a couple of days ago about that I saw a
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: post where it was like, if you think your problems
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: are bad, wait till you hear this. Write your problem
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: on a piece of paper. Everyone in the world writes
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: a problem on a piece of paper and puts it
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: in the middle of a bucket. Would you rather pull
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: out your problem or a random problem? Yeah? Right, you
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: have so much you want, you want you to pick
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: your problems over anybody else's. I'm gonna go to my
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: next one because it feeds off this really well. This
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: is by Brene Brown. I just she's like, I think
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: she's to go down in history as like one of
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: the best authors. Like five hundred years from now, we're
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: going to read. We have the book right there, rising strong,
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: We're going to read.
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: You know, just all speak's incredible.
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, all of it. She's researcher. Like, if you haven't
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: read her book, just go read any book that she's written.
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: She goes. Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: of who we think we're supposed to be and embracing
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  Speaker 1: who we are.
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: Hmm.
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: Because that's how you get to love yourself.
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: I love that we feel like we're.
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: Supposed to be somebody else, either from what you were
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: told you have to be growing up, what social media deems,
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: what you deem is successful insert whatever here. But what
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: makes you authentic to yourself, what attracts other people to you,
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: what makes you feel loved and love yourself, is finding
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: the spark within you that people love. And I think
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: what's interesting about you and me is we have found
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: our friends in this world today, in our thirties that
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: actually love us for the goofy, quirky, deep types of
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: people that we are. But it takes so much time
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: to find that. And then when you find that, you're like,
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: give me more of it, give me more of the Wait.
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: I want to feel authentic all the time.
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: Right yeah. Paula Couela has this line. He says, maybe
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: the journey isn't about becoming anything. Maybe it's just about
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: unbecoming everything that isn't really you, so you can be
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: who you were meant to be in the first place.
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: I love that same idea. It's like, I'm not enough,
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  Speaker 2: and let me become something that I'm not. It's how
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  Speaker 2: do I shed all the identities, all the expectations, all
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: the bullshit that the societal pressures that I've put on myself.
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: How do I shed all of that? How I let
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: it all go so I can be who I really am?
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah? And that again is a daily practice. Yeah, right, Like,
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: do you find yourself in situations where you're proving yourself?
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: Do you find yourself in situations where you're trying to
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: fit in? Because I think a growing up like we're
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: all we're trying to do is fit in. But then
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: you're like, wait, am I just being myself? And am
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: I accepted? And then you're like, wait, this is this
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: is the Jois de Ville. This is the good stuff? Okay?
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: As a as a phrase is my favorite. It is
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: such a good It's the pure enjoyment bliss of the
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: every day, of the flower, of the person, of the friend,
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: of the moment of the sun. Like, how do we
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: live more in that every day?
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: I love that throw our phones in the ocean and run. Yes, yes,
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: but you can pull out your phone to like and
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: subscribe and all that good stuff.
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: Yes, yes, first follow and then throw your phone in
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: the ocean. This next one relates actually to the same concept,
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: but in relationships, and it's shel Silverstein, and he said
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: she had blueskin, and so did he. He kept it hid,
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: and so did she. They searched for blue their whole
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: life through then passed right by and never knew. It's like,
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: how do you be you? If you keep putting the
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: societal expectations and pressures of what you think you're supposed
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: to be on yourself throughout your whole life, you can
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: never be yourself. And then that person that you're looking for,
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: who's actually looking for you because they have all their
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: own bullshit. Also, they're not that imaginary perfect. Their inside
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: is also like I have trouble loving myself and all
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: of a sudden, now they're looking at an imaginary you,
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: and they're going, that's not my person, but maybe you
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: are their person. You just haven't shed all the bullshit.
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: That's interesting, just got caught up in a thought when
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: you read that too. What that It's just like the
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: comfortability it takes to be yourself with somebody, and how
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: long it takes to learn how to do that for yourself,
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: to let the other person see the best version of you. Yeah,
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: it's so hard if your blue skin, but to know
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: that that blue skin is okay, it's just takes so
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: much growth. That doesn't happen alone. It happens in relationship.
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: It happens with us, it happens with a girlfriend, happens
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: with your parent, it happens over time. But it's so
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: fucking hard.
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: But it happens in every part of your life. It
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: doesn't mean you have to be in a relationship to
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: start doing it. Yeah, I think you start doing it
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: in your everyday life. Like, how do I become more
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: comfortable being me?
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: Judging me? Who I am?
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: All that? It's hard? Yeah, it's really hard, dude.
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: There's this amazing line by Seneca who lived two thousand
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: years ago, and it's about escapism really, and he says,
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: do you suppose that you alone have had this experience?
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: Are you surprised as if it were a novelty that
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: after such long travel and so many changes of scene,
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: that you have not been able to shake off the
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: gloom and heaviness of your mind? You need a change
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: of soul rather than a change of climate.
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: That's deep.
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: This is before airplanes, cars.
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: Crazy.
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: This guy was writing about something that I think a
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: lot of people do right now, which is they're really
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: struggling and they go I need a vacation, or I'm
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: just gonna go on go on this trip, and it's
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: just escaping the problems rather than actually like looking inside
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: you and being like, what's the change of soul that
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: I need?
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: Was there a period in your life where you felt
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: that way? And what did you do? Did you run?
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: Did you dig?
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah? There was for sure. You remember I was in
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: a relationship where I didn't feel like myself. Fully, I
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: was in a job where I really didn't feel like myself.
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: I was working on like a on the twenty third
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: floor of a Century City high rise, cold calling. I
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: remember one afternoon when evening it was like post work.
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: It was like summer, seven pm, seven point thirty. I
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: want to play volleyball after a long day of work.
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: And I remember like after playing, like walking to the beach,
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: to the shore and just like crying for no reason.
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: For a lot of reasons. It was the first time
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: that had happened that I was just sad just because
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: of my life. When things happened, I would it get sad,
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: of course, but just like my life was just sad
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: to me.
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: I remember that time I didn't recognize you. It was
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: really hard to watch but what's interesting is you fucking
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: recognized the things that were taking your soul were taking
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: apart your soul. You're like, wait, and then you made
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: some big decisions with faith, totally with a lot of faith,
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: which is which was inspiring to watch right, it's hard
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: to do that.
• 22:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And a big part of that, like post relationship,
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: post that job. I remember thinking like if if that
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: all didn't work, it wasn't about the job of the
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: person the relationship. It was who do I need to
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: become to be the person that is bringing in the relationship,
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: the job, the life that I want Because I wasn't
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: being that person that really changed everything.
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: It's so funny. During that period of time, we were
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: spending a lot of time together post New York, and
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: it was it was like this this version of you
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: that I did not recognize, and I and you were
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: reluctant to even share why you weren't feeling well, you
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: were not opening up to me, And I'm like, I've
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: known this guy for such a long time, why isn't
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: he opening up to me? But then at the time
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: I realized that you just weren't opening up to many people, right,
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: I think you had just started seeing Kuroche and all
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: these things, right, Like it was like new and we
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: were sitting in the car after we work. We're just
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: like sitting there talking. We talked about the job, talked
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: about work, talked about family, and all of a sudden,
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: you just started the cry in the car. You just
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: shed a tear and my my happy, superhuman positive friend
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: was human. And it was like, first of all, my
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: heart fucking broke because never seen that before. Was was tough.
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: And then within a few months you were like, why
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: do I feel this way? What do I need to change?
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: New job, new relationship, new apartment all in one.
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, the next year, yeah, next year, yeah yeah.
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: Okay. So there's like quotes and wisdom, but I thought
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: it'd be interesting for me to like share, you know,
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: like there's these like tropes of life that people always
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: like say to you where it's like on the Fortune Cookie, right,
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: and sometimes you're like, nah, I don't I don't like that. Okay,
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: So the one that I really really hate, I really
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: hate is everything happens for a reason, Like fuck man,
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: because you're gonna tell me that, like the atrocities of
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: the world happen for a reason, like you deserved that
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: I'm not saying they why they happened, or they shouldn't
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: have happened, whatever it, but like for a reason just
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: like gets at me. So I think, like five or
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: six years ago, someone would say everything happens for a reason,
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: and I would respond, Okay, maybe the way I said that,
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: say that is everything falls into place, just like it
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: just makes it a little bit easier for the person
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: that has had some really hard shit happened to them.
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: Right, so instead of everything that's how that's how you
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: rewrote it.
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, not everything happens for a reason. Everything falls into place.
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: It's a little bit less charged for the bad things
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: that happen. That's my take.
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: Do you have more of those?
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: What else?
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: I have five? No, but I'll read a couple. Uh.
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: Everyone's live every day like it's your last. The fuck
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: is that supposed to mean? I right, live every day
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: like it's your first.
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: Nice, like go after it like you just born. You're
• 25:31
  Speaker 2: just just see a girl for the first time.
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: And you're just eating food like like it's your first.
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: I love that, live with wonder and awe curiosity. It's
• 25:40
  Speaker 2: your first child doing this the first time. I love that. Yes,
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: good one man?
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: Okay. You know, you go like, you make a plan.
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: God laughs, that one. I feel like it should be
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: added more. Okay, you're like, you make a plan. God laughs,
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: But then he says, great job. Making a plan is
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: really hard, but just go make another one.
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: Like that.
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: You gotta like it's hard. Go to another one. It's
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: like a Jewish mother. God, do another one. You can
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: do it. Okay.
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: If it's meant to be, it's meant to be.
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: Add to it. If it's meant to be, it's meant
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: to be. But you also have to show up every
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: day and give it one hundred percent no matter what. Yeah,
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: you have to add to that. If it's meant to be,
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: it's meant to be. And then you sit back and
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: don't do anything. Yeah, no, show up.
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: Relationships if it's meant to be. No, no, no, give it
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: everything you have. Yes, give all your love, Yes, give
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: all your your communication, Yes, your all of it.
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: Yes, this podcast is gonna work. It's meant to be,
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: it's meant to be. No, if it's meant to be,
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: it's meant to be, and we're gonna work really hard
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: at it. And then if it does, you know what
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: I mean, those are.
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: Mine love that. Carl Jong had this line. He said,
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life,
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: and you will call it fate.
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: Oh, fate, that's fun. That's a good one.
• 27:12
  Speaker 2: Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life,
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: and you will call it fate. So he's pretty much
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: saying everything that you call fate is unconscious patterns that
• 27:25
  Speaker 2: you continue to show up in your.
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: Life, and they're probably destructive in some capacity. Yes, there's
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: until you acknowledge those.
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: Until you make them conscious, you will think it's just God.
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: You will think it's just chance when it's really just
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: your unconscious patterns. That continues to see every relationship as bad?
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: Can you see every friend as selfish? That continues to
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: see every work opportunity as like someone who's there's something
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: that's draining you. There's another Jerry Kolona quote that changed
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: my life. How have I been complicit in creating the
• 28:03
  Speaker 2: conditions I say I don't want?
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: Wow?
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: How have I been complicit in creating the situations I
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: say I don't want?
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah? You have to really sit back and look at
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: the situations you're in and think about the things that
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: got you to that point.
• 28:25
  Speaker 2: You could meditate on that sentence for hours, like, how
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: have I been a part of creating the things that
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: I'd say I don't want in my life?
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: Well, it starts by picking out one situation that you're
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: struggling with.
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, something you say you don't want right now, that's
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: happening in your life?
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: Why is this happening to me?
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah? Something we're going why is this happening in my life? Great? Yeah,
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: and there may be factors that have nothing to do
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: with you, Yeah, but the question is forcing you to
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: also ask, how have I been a part of creating
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: the situation?
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: Good one, it'll take you down.
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a good one.
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: Oh you're gonna like this, ready, Yeah, ready, this is
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: young Pabla poet.
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, he said.
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: It's easier to let go of someone's opinion of you
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: when you understand that others see you through a combination
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: of their past conditioning and their current emotional state without
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: realizing it. They see themselves first, then through that lens
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: they get an unclear picture of you. Yeah, if you
• 29:39
  Speaker 2: can remember that every argument you get into, every challenge
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: you have with somebody in your life, every judgment you have,
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: if you can realize that you're doing that too in
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: your opinions of other people that actually you're seeing them
• 29:57
  Speaker 2: through a combination of your past conditioning and you our
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: current emotional state.
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, this is fun. Yeah, it's fun.
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: I love sharing wisdom like that.
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that was good. I want I want to hear
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: other people's I'm curious. Yeah.
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: So okay, so this is our call to all of you, Yeah,
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: to help us create the free therapy feeling wheel of wisdom.
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: Free therapy, feeling, free therapy. Feel I like it, yeah, fits,
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: that'd be fun and uh, mail to us No, but
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: like really it would be cool to just hear Yeah, I'm.
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: Itt call send it to us. Thanks for playing a
• 30:29
  Speaker 2: long Benny. That was fun, great time, good idea until
• 30:33
  Speaker 2: next time. Love it, bro, Love you, bro. Hey, thanks
• 30:35
  Speaker 2: for listening. We appreciate you.
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: If you enjoyed this episode and us embarrassing ourselves and
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: talking about our feelings, you are definitely going to like
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: everything else.
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: Follow on on Instagram at free therapy and we'll see
• 30:47
  Speaker 2: you next time.