Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / 301. New motherhood, unwanted opinions and a partner who doesn't quite see it: How do I make him understand?

Transcript

301. New motherhood, unwanted opinions and a partner who doesn't quite see it: How do I make him understand? · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:06
  Speaker 1: I need your advice.
• 0:11
  Speaker 2: Are you okay?
• 0:12
  Speaker 3: What happened?
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: Promise it won't be too much. Bring it in.
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: Welcome to our bestie segment. This is the place for you.
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: Hello and welcome back to She Rises. This is our
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: bestie segment. Now, if you are new here, this is
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: where we read out anonymous submissions from you and from
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: our beautiful audience who have some situations that they maybe
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: don't want to bring into their intimate circle, or maybe
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: they don't feel ready yet to talk about with the
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: people that they love. Now, this is where you bring
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: it into us for some unsolicited advice and some real, raw,
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: honest opinions of how we would navigate it if we
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: were sharing this problem, challenge, or sticky situation with each other.
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: So Ashley, what have we got for the week?
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: All righty.
• 0:54
  Speaker 3: Episode name is New Motherhood, Unwanted Opinions, and a Partner
• 0:57
  Speaker 3: Who Doesn't Quite See It.
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: How Do I Make Him Understand? Hey, girls.
• 1:01
  Speaker 3: I love the podcast and it would really mean so
• 1:03
  Speaker 3: much to me if you would give me some raw, real,
• 1:05
  Speaker 3: and unfiltered advice.
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: We got you.
• 1:08
  Speaker 3: All right. So the situation is I've given birth to
• 1:10
  Speaker 3: my first son six months ago. He is everything to
• 1:13
  Speaker 3: me and my husband. Now, prior to having my son,
• 1:15
  Speaker 3: I had a really loving relationship with my mother-in-law. I
• 1:18
  Speaker 3: had nothing bad to say ever about her. However, since
• 1:21
  Speaker 3: having my son, everything has changed. I feel so protective
• 1:24
  Speaker 3: of her and since my son was born, I just
• 1:26
  Speaker 3: feel like she has been so overbearing. I haven't ever
• 1:29
  Speaker 3: felt this from my side of the family. I had
• 1:31
  Speaker 3: my husband's family come over from South Africa two weeks
• 1:34
  Speaker 3: after I gave birth and literally two weeks postpartum was
• 1:36
  Speaker 3: having them come over every day to see the baby.
• 1:38
  Speaker 3: I allow this and then once they had left, my
• 1:41
  Speaker 3: mother-in-law continued asking to come over every other day and
• 1:44
  Speaker 3: for me, this felt so suffocating. Now, everything she does
• 1:47
  Speaker 3: annoys me and she's obsessed over my child, but to
• 1:50
  Speaker 3: like another level and constantly wants to be involved in
• 1:53
  Speaker 3: every aspect and every milestone, making us feel like we
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: can't create family memories of our own. We are new
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: parents still trying to learn how to be parents. And
• 2:01
  Speaker 3: it's always unsolicited advice and constant nagging on when she
• 2:04
  Speaker 3: can babysit, when she can take her here, there and everywhere.
• 2:07
  Speaker 3: It just feels like every milestone needs to be a
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: family affair. We voiced this and asked her to pick
• 2:12
  Speaker 3: one day of the week she can come over to
• 2:13
  Speaker 3: which she did not like that. I just feel so
• 2:15
  Speaker 3: protective of my son and it feels awful to say,
• 2:18
  Speaker 3: but at the better of times, I just don't want
• 2:19
  Speaker 3: her around. I'm unsure if this is just postpartum hormones,
• 2:23
  Speaker 3: but I'm feeling very suffocated by her. I'm really unsure
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: how to go about it. My husband is very supportive,
• 2:27
  Speaker 3: but sometimes doesn't always see what I see. Any advice
• 2:30
  Speaker 3: or thoughts would be appreciated. Oh, tricky mother-in-laws.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: That's tough. I mean, I haven't been in your position.
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: So again, take this with a grain of salt, but also-
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: I can understand you wanting more space and privacy and
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: wanting to create this beautiful little dynamic with you, your
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: husband and your son, but also like to have help
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: and support like that is like a blessing.
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: Absolutely.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: And I'm not taking away from your experience whatsoever, but
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: I think, you know, how you see things is what
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: you're going to get.
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: You know, how you choose to perceive them. If you
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: think the worst, you're going to get the worst. If
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: you think the best, you're going to get the best.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: And that's the choice on how you get to perceive
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: the situation. And it also doesn't take away from the
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: fact that maybe it feels a little bit overbearing. Yeah.
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: That can be true. That can be true. And maybe
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: this is a conversation for yourself around setting some boundaries
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: with her of what that does look like and where
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: your line exists for what you want versus what you
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: don't want. Like what you want and then how much
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: is too much. But also the fact that she does
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: want to take your son away and like take him
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: out and, you know, go on little play dates and
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: give you guys some time if you and your husband
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: can spend time together. Like I don't see that necessarily
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: as a bad thing. But the enmeshment part, I understand.
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I agree. I see all of it. What you're
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: feeling is totally valid.
• 3:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah. I haven't experienced that. I've almost experienced like the opposite.
• 3:42
  Speaker 3: I wish my mom was around more. She was for Taj,
• 3:44
  Speaker 3: but then she moved away for Talon and what I
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: would have done to have her around. And then also
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: I think the connection you have with your mom compared
• 3:50
  Speaker 3: to your mother-in-law can sometimes be different.
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 3:52
  Speaker 3: So I understand you'd probably prefer that was your mom.
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: But yeah, I just think there needs to be boundaries here. Yeah.
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: I think it's beautiful she wants to be involved and
• 3:58
  Speaker 3: like to have grandparents want to be so connected to
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: your children is so beautiful.
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 4:02
  Speaker 3: Think about when you get older, you're living for your
• 4:04
  Speaker 3: kids and your grandkids. You realize what's actually important in life.
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: It's not about what people think of you. It's not
• 4:10
  Speaker 3: about money. It's not about how much you own. It's
• 4:13
  Speaker 3: not about anything but love, connection. You just want to
• 4:15
  Speaker 3: be around your family. So I think it's really beautiful
• 4:17
  Speaker 3: that she wants that. Does she just pop over or
• 4:19
  Speaker 3: does she ask to come over? Because I think, I
• 4:21
  Speaker 3: don't know, maybe this is where some little white lies
• 4:23
  Speaker 3: is like, I'm going to have a nap now. And
• 4:25
  Speaker 3: you might just want to have some time by yourself.
• 4:27
  Speaker 3: But I think there needs to be some boundaries to
• 4:29
  Speaker 3: create some separation. But I also think it's really beautiful
• 4:33
  Speaker 3: and be nice for you to embrace that. Like when
• 4:34
  Speaker 3: she does come around, like is that a chance you
• 4:36
  Speaker 3: can go have a shower or pop out and get
• 4:38
  Speaker 3: the groceries or like is there things you'd like to do?
• 4:40
  Speaker 3: Or yeah, go on a date night or something. How
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: can you make this work where she gets to spend
• 4:46
  Speaker 3: time with her grandchild because she desperately wants to and
• 4:48
  Speaker 3: you can also make it work for you where it
• 4:51
  Speaker 3: feels good. And you're also allowed to set boundaries. I
• 4:53
  Speaker 3: know she's your mother-in-law, but this is your baby. So
• 4:56
  Speaker 3: you're allowed to put those in place. I think it's
• 4:57
  Speaker 3: a lesson a lot of mums learn from baby one
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: to baby two. Baby one, it's like you're kind of
• 5:02
  Speaker 3: overwhelmed and everyone's coming to visit. And then after eight weeks,
• 5:04
  Speaker 3: it's crickets. Whereas baby two, I think a lot of
• 5:07
  Speaker 3: mums are like, okay.
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: The first couple of weeks is really overbearing. It's a lot.
• 5:11
  Speaker 3: I actually want to be in my bubble and just
• 5:12
  Speaker 3: spend time with my baby and have skin to skin,
• 5:14
  Speaker 3: not everyone coming around and touching them. And I think, yeah,
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: first time you learn all those lessons as to what
• 5:19
  Speaker 3: feels good and what doesn't. So you're just going through
• 5:22
  Speaker 3: this as being a first time mum. And the only
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: way you know is by going through and learning. and
• 5:26
  Speaker 3: going through the process. And now you've learned you want
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: more boundaries. You're allowed to put those in place.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 5:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: Like what you said as well, like even though she
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: is the mother-in-law, at the end of the day, you
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: make the decision.
• 5:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: It's your baby.
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: And give yourself permission to like have that. And don't
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: let like, I know you said you feel like you
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: can't have special times or create special moments without her.
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: You absolutely can. And you know what? She's not going
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: to like it in the beginning. And she's obviously a
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: strong woman. So she's probably going to push back a
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: little bit. But if you can sit through the pushback,
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: you will teach her what's acceptable, what's not, what's allowed,
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: what's not. And I think that's really important. I think
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: we have to teach people around us how we want
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: them to behave when they're around us. And there's nothing
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: wrong with setting healthy boundaries. Although people do make you
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: feel like that sometimes, but it's just, that's not your problem.
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: It's your responsibility to do what feels good for you
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: and to honor this season of your life, which is
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: obviously a really special time of your life.
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah. The white lies thing.
• 6:15
  Speaker 3: It's probably not the right way to word it, but
• 6:17
  Speaker 3: If you feel like you can't make any memories, just
• 6:19
  Speaker 3: the three of you, are you telling her.
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: Everything you're doing?
• 6:21
  Speaker 3: You don't have to tell her and report to her, oh,
• 6:24
  Speaker 3: tomorrow we're going to the park and here we're doing this.
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: You guys can just go do that by yourself.
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: Yes, that's a good point.
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean? How does she know what
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: you're doing every moment.
• 6:30
  Speaker 3: Of the day?
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: I know what you mean about the white lies thing.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: It's like if you're not feeling strong enough right now
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: to set the boundary, it's like a cage.
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: I think it's a bridge.
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's definitely a bridge. Yeah. 100%.
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: You're not doing it to hurt them.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: No.
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: But you're just learning how to use your voice a
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: little bit more.
• 6:42
  Speaker 3: Yes. And you also don't want to have– if you're
• 6:44
  Speaker 3: a new postpartum mom, maybe you don't have capacity for
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: the pushback that you want to get. So a white
• 6:47
  Speaker 3: lie is kind of protecting your own peace. Yeah.
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: You're choosing your battles.
• 6:51
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: You're choosing your battles kind of thing.
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: I wouldn't judge someone for telling a white lie.
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah.
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: Like we all do them.
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: 100%.
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: Let's not play innocent here.
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: 100%.
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: We all do them sometimes. It's true. I sometimes do
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: it for social events.
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, I can't get a babysitter. I'm sorry.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: I do. I'd rather be with my kids is what
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: I'm actually saying.
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: And also as well, if there's a point where, you know,
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: say you have some event thing, again, you don't have
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: to fully disclose where you're going. Yes. Or you could
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: be like, oh, actually, you know what, this time doesn't work,
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: but you know what would work like the next day
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: at this time between.
• 7:19
  Speaker 3: Exactly.
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: You know, for two hours and give her an opportunity,
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: like give her another option.
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a really good point. I think that's cool.
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: And that's also like setting boundaries, right? It's like, hey,
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: I can't do this. I can't support you in this way.
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: But what I can do is this and that would
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: feel really good for me. And that's where I can
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: meet you in the middle.
• 7:33
  Speaker 3: So she's like, I'm going to come over tomorrow. It's like,
• 7:35
  Speaker 3: oh my gosh, like I would love to see you.
• 7:36
  Speaker 3: And I know, let's say his name's Billy. Billy would
• 7:38
  Speaker 3: love to spend time with you, but I'm feeling so exhausted.
• 7:41
  Speaker 3: So when he naps, I'm going to have a nap
• 7:42
  Speaker 3: and I also have to go out and get a
• 7:43
  Speaker 3: few things. But how does Wednesday at 12 o'clock from
• 7:46
  Speaker 3: 12 till 2 sound for you? Because I'd love to
• 7:48
  Speaker 3: see you. Then she feels love to her. She's got
• 7:50
  Speaker 3: something to look forward to. You can get your washing down,
• 7:53
  Speaker 3: have a shower, whatever you need to do and make it.
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: Work for you.
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: And then she's not being shut down either. Yeah. Because
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: I imagine as a mother-in-law, and I'm just trying to
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: put myself in her shoes, if it's like constantly being like,
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: oh no, no, no, no, then it'd be like, okay, cool.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: When can I see my grandson?
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: But if you're offering up another opportunity for her to
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: do that, I'm sure she would take it.
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 8:10
  Speaker 3: I think so many moms listening that don't have any
• 8:12
  Speaker 3: support around them, they would be like, oh my gosh,
• 8:14
  Speaker 3: I would die for that. To have someone that wants
• 8:16
  Speaker 3: to come and spend time with my baby, like It's
• 8:18
  Speaker 3: so true. I see so many reels at the moment
• 8:19
  Speaker 3: about everyone wants to meet the newborn and when they
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: grow up, no one comes and visits. To have someone
• 8:24
  Speaker 3: that actually genuinely wants to spend time with your children
• 8:26
  Speaker 3: is so special.
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: It's so special.
• 8:28
  Speaker 3: My mom doesn't live here and if she did, I
• 8:30
  Speaker 3: think she would be around all the time. But even
• 8:31
  Speaker 3: Steve's mom, she lives an hour and a half away
• 8:33
  Speaker 3: and there was not one time she said no to
• 8:35
  Speaker 3: come down and help and be around them. She's 75 now,
• 8:38
  Speaker 3: so we don't ask often. It's only if we're really desperate,
• 8:41
  Speaker 3: but just to know that she genuinely wants to hang
• 8:43
  Speaker 3: out with our kids is so special. And she wishes
• 8:46
  Speaker 3: she lived around the corner. Like she hates where she lives.
• 8:48
  Speaker 3: She wants to be closer to us to spend more
• 8:49
  Speaker 3: time with them and with us. Because she says to
• 8:52
  Speaker 3: us like, oh, this is what I live for. My family,
• 8:54
  Speaker 3: my kids, my grandkids, like I'm not going to be
• 8:56
  Speaker 3: here forever. I want to spend as much time with
• 8:58
  Speaker 3: them as I can.
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: So it's really, really special.
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: And I, yeah, I don't want to take away from
• 9:02
  Speaker 3: what you're saying, but I also think it'd be nice
• 9:03
  Speaker 3: if you could Turn it into knowing that you're very.
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: Lucky to have that as well.
• 9:08
  Speaker 3: It's very special to have family around and the fact
• 9:10
  Speaker 3: that your mother-in-law is still here and gets to experience
• 9:12
  Speaker 3: all of that.
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's true.
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: Like we know a fair few people who don't have
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: any support.
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: Oh, my gosh. It's so hard for them.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: And this is a balance, this conversation around like not
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: taking away from what you're experiencing but just acknowledging that
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: there are people who have a different experience than you.
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: So it's like this fine balance of sitting in the
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: middle of that and knowing that like, you know, in
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: anything in life, we spoke about this earlier just between
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: Ashley and I, Of like people who have like a
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: glass half full versus a glass half empty kind of conversation.
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: And it's like, where do you sit on that scale?
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 9:41
  Speaker 3: You know?
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: And everything that you're feeling is valid. I'm just putting
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: something to you to challenge a different perspective and to
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: challenge a different thought process as well. Because I know
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: over the years, I've definitely had moments like that where
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: I'd be like, oh, like this. Say, for example, this
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: is a silly example, not related to children. But, you know,
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: there was a point where I have quite a big family.
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: And we have a huge family group chat and it
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: goes off.
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: All the time. It does.
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: It actually has seen it. started becoming friends, she was like,
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: oh my God, is that the group chat?
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: You'd be like on your thing in your car and
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: it's like ding, ding, ding. I'm like, holy shit. On
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: the opposite, I have a really small family. So I'm like,
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: that's so cool.
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: But then when you explained that it's overwhelming, I was like, yeah,
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: that actually would be. Right.
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: So it's like interesting.
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: And even Ashley's offered me a really cool perspective around
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: that sometimes in the moments where I feel super stretched
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: and maybe I don't have the capacity to read 62
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: messages in one day. Like, you know, it's not always
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: like that. And I love them so freaking much. But
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: it was offering a different perspective of like glass half full. Like,
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: you know, my dad sends me all of these really
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: cool like crypto and YouTube videos and stuff like that.
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: And the group chat's going off. And I remember thinking
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: and talking with Ashley one day and being like, you
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: know what? One day those YouTube videos aren't going to
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: be coming in. One day the group chat's not going
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: to be going off. And it's like seeing life from
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: a glass half full kind of perspective of like, yeah,
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: on the days where I feel really stretched, maybe I
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: don't feel like I have the capacity to But I
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: have a family who loves me and is so active
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: and intertwined with everyone's lives and updating each other on
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: everybody's lives.
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: I've never had a group chat.
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: And how beautiful is that? I remember saying to you,
• 11:04
  Speaker 3: you're so lucky you've got this group chat and to
• 11:07
  Speaker 3: have a dad, one, but to have a dad that
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: cares for you, thinks about you, checks in on you,
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: loves on you daily.
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: For me, that's like, oh, my God, that's so foreign.
• 11:14
  Speaker 3: Mm-hmm. And then I think it like helped you just
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: appreciate it when you already appreciated it. You never not
• 11:18
  Speaker 3: appreciated it. And also there's days where you're like, fuck,
• 11:20
  Speaker 3: I'm going to give Ashley a group chat later. Yeah.
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: But it is really beautiful.
• 11:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: Like on a client call day, my phone's on do
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: not disturb. Yes, absolutely.
• 11:26
  Speaker 3: You're like, I'm not getting back to anyone until after
• 11:28
  Speaker 3: four o'clock.
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: But it does. You offered me a different perspective and
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: I think I offered you a different perspective. And like
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: seeing how other people operate their lives really puts things
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: into a different context.
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 11:38
  Speaker 3: Because it was the same vice versa. Because I was like, Oh, wow,
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: it's so cool. You go to this big family and
• 11:42
  Speaker 3: you're like, yeah, it's really exhausting. I thought about it
• 11:44
  Speaker 3: one day. You had everyone visit. It was just this
• 11:46
  Speaker 3: whole jam-packed day. And I was like, fuck, that sounds exhausting.
• 11:49
  Speaker 3: My Sunday is so chill. It's my two kids and
• 11:51
  Speaker 3: my husband. I don't have to worry about anyone else.
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: It's so chill. And you had a day where it
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: was hectic.
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: I'm like, yeah.
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: That'd be a lot sometimes, but then vice versa. It's like, oh,
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: it's so beautiful.
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: But it's like the duality of both, right? It's like
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: the same thing with your situation. It's like the mother-in-law
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: can be overwhelming, but also you can be grateful for
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: it too. It's like the same thing for us and
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: our situations too.
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: Absolutely.
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: So yeah, just to challenge you on how you're feeling
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: and thinking, because you never know what you can find
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: from the situation. If you can think about it, see it,
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: view it from a perspective that's going to benefit you,
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: why would you not?
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: Definitely. Make it work for you. Appreciate it.
• 12:21
  Speaker 3: And also have some boundaries. This is the chance you
• 12:23
  Speaker 3: get to set some boundaries that feel good for you.
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: And you know what? If you need some sexy time
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: with your husband, like go do a staycation and tell
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: her to come over.
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: She's not going to say no. Lap it up. Girl,
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: do you know how expensive babysitters are?
• 12:34
  Speaker 3: For Steph and I to go away.
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: Oh my God. They're on an hourly rate until like
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: 6 p.m. And then it's a nighttime rate.
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: It's like.
• 12:42
  Speaker 3: Probably $ 500 just for you to have one night away
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: just on your babysitter.
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: You leverage her.
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: Holy shit. Leverage the fuck out of her.
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: Go get a nice steak, okay?
• 12:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: Oh, my gosh.
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: It's a lot. It's expensive.
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: Oh, sending you so much love.
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: We hope that helps.
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: In this season of your life. And, yeah, it's all valid. But, yeah,
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: you get to choose what you do and see moving forward.
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: I love that. We hope that helps. We'll see you
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: guys in the next episode.
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: Bye, lovely.
• 13:05
  Speaker 3: Bye.