Latest / Dr. Derek H. Suite MD - The SuiteSpot / Seven Blocks to Breakthroughs 6/7: Reaching Out is Not Weakness: It's How Your Brain Finds Safety" #SelfCareSaturday

Transcript

Seven Blocks to Breakthroughs 6/7: Reaching Out is Not Weakness: It's How Your Brain Finds Safety" #SelfCareSaturday · Dr. Derek H. Suite MD - The SuiteSpot

• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: Blessings, blessings, and welcome.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to the sweet spot.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for joining me.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Dr.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Derek Sweet.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: I've been on a journey with you this week, haven't we?
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: Dealing with the seven blocks to breakthroughs here on day six of seven, self-care Saturday.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: All right now.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: For those of you who might be new, I'm a board certified performance psychiatrist.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: I work with sports teams, I work with individuals who are in high performance positions.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: More than that, I love partnering with you on this journey, this mystery we call life.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: So we've been in a seven blocks to breakthrough series.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's been amazing.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: We're in day six.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: And look, we've had seven days of telling the truth about your life so that the spirit can finally breathe again.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: On Monday, we faced ourselves.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: That was the first block.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: On Tuesday, we named the block.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: On Wednesday, we said, what do I truly want to remove a block?
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: On Thursday, we took a small brave step, understanding that that is sometimes the key to getting rid of blocks.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: If you oh, and on Friday, we faced what had been quietly exhausting us.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if you haven't had a chance, and I know you've been busy, if you haven't had a chance to listen to any one of these, I invite you to go back, check it out, because there are several little insights that might speak directly to your spirit if you have a block somewhere.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: And today, today is self-care Saturday, the day we stop carrying everything alone.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: So let me slow down for a second.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: Think about the last time someone asked you, how were you doing?
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: And you said, I'm fine.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: I know I'm guilty of it.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: Even though your chest might be tight, your mind is in a million places, you're not feeling so great, you're just not in that space.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: The minute we get the question, almost reflexively, we're like, I'm fine, I'm good.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: That moment, that quiet private heaviness that you're feeling inside, even though you're saying you're fine, that's where most of our breakthroughs, that's where they die.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: That's where they die.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: Not because you're weak, my friend, but because you've been alone too long.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: Your brain knows when you're carrying too much.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: That's what our brains do.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: They our brains are always listening to us.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: When you hold everything yourself, your amygdala, the brain's alarm center, the threat detection center, it stays activated.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: We've talked about this ad nauseum here on the sweet spot.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: Your mind gets foggy, your sleep gets thin, your patience gets shorter, and your confidence gets lighter.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: You're not failing, you're just in a nervous system overload.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: We walk around like this, so many of us all the time, just on the edge.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: We don't even know what's going on.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: But here's the beautiful part.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: Here's the good part.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: The moment you let someone in, even just for a conversation, somebody like me or a friend or somebody, the minute you do that, did you know there's a neurological correlate to this?
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: There's something that happens in your brain when you talk to people, the right people, okay?
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: Your brain releases something called oxytocin.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: It's the chemistry of your safety, it's the love uh uh hormone, it it's it's a wonderful uh uh transmitter in the body that lowers your cortisol, the stress hormone, it quiets the alarm bells inside, it lets your thinking come back online.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: And it's really well known in the research that when you secrete oxytocin, you have better bonding with other people.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: So getting support is not about being weak, it's it's it's a way you regulate yourself, it's a part of your self-care.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: This is self-care Saturday.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, aroma candles are good, yes, the bubble bath is nice, yes, uh, the spa is wonderful, but sometimes we don't have time for all that.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes a conversation with the right person in the right way and the right time, pick up the phone and call somebody, or let somebody in who wants to talk to you, spend a moment with that.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: That self-care too, and for many of us, especially in our community, we were raised on strength, quiet, so strong, silent type, raised on silence, raised to push through, to grind through.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: We've been raised to carry on without complaining.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: Our grandparents, our great-grandparents, they carried more than we'll ever know, and they did it quietly.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: But you know what they were good at?
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: They didn't carry things alone, they leaned on each other.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: Our church mothers, our barbershop wisdom, the front porch conversations, the gathering idea, your cousin's house for Thanksgiving.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: By the way, cuz I'll be coming.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: By your aunt's house, like the day after Christmas.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: Hey Auntie, I'm coming.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so I'm telling you, um, these prayer circles, the family tables, all those community events that we take for granted, that's where oxytocin is flowing in our brains and helping our nervous systems and helping us be better at whatever it is that we have to do.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: Isolation is where the devil can come in.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: Alright, so you've you can't isolate yourself.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: All right, in in the ancient wisdom, uh Ecclesiastes 4 12, it says this in the message Bible be yourself, if if not be yourself, by yourself, um you're protect you're unprotected.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: When you're by yourself, that's the essence of it.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: By yourself, you're unprotected.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: With a friend, you can face the worst.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: A three-stranded rope is not easily snapped.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: In the in the more classic biblical way, it's a what is it?
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: A three uh a threefold cord isn't easily broken.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so there's something about being together that the ancient wisdom, that our grandparents, that the older generation, they got that community.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's not a cute image, it's a survival strategy.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: That's God telling you you were never designed to do this life by yourself.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, Dr.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: Amir Amara Ellington um put it this way.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: She said um something that Maya Angelo uh also echoed.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody but nobody can make it out here alone.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: And when Maya says it, you feel the truth in your bones.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: That woman had a way of speaking that just got right to you.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: You could feel the lineage when she spoke and the generations of her strength.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: And one of my favorite singers, Nina Simone, put it this way: you've got to learn to leave the table when love no longer is being served.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes leaving the table is the self-care you need.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes asking for help is the self-care.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes resting is the self-care.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know how it's gonna look for you, but it isn't always aromatherapy, it isn't always the spa.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, that's a part.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, don't get me wrong.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: Love the spa, love all that, but there are many other ways.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: So, and if you're listening right now and you're thinking, hey, Doc, Dr.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: Sweet, hey, that's beautiful, but I don't have anybody.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: I'm living alone.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: I handle everything myself.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: Let me say this with love and compassion to you.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: Just because support isn't present right now doesn't mean you're unworthy of it.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: Support doesn't only come from your past.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's coming from your future, the person you haven't met yet.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: From a therapist like myself, a mentor, a pastor, a group, a space you didn't know.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we have to take the risk of just trying something new and letting it in just to see what's going on.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: And until that moment happens, until that new person or new group arrives, you have to become your first support system.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: I get it.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: You have to rest before you collapse, you have to speak very kindly to yourself, you're worthy.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: You have to not abandon yourself when you feel tired.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: Respect your tiredness.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: And you know what happens?
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: God becomes the third strand holding the rope.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: God becomes the second strand holding the rope.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: God becomes the rope until other strands arrive.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: That's the beauty of having a relationship with God.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: So here's your check-in for today, beautiful souls.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: Finish this one in your heart.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: The person who can help me this week is blank.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: If the name comes, reach out to that person.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: If no name comes, here's today's practice.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: The way I will help myself this week is, and both of those could work.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: Both of those are healing ways, and both of those are pathways to you.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so you can get a breakthrough either way.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: You're not um burned out because you're broken, you're burned out because you've been alone too long.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: Let today be the day that you stop carrying everything in silence, that you reach out, take a chance.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: Tomorrow, tomorrow, my friends, is slow down Sunday, our final breakthrough.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: And we have another question.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, another question.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: What's my one commitment after this week?
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: That's where transformation comes.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: It comes as a rhythm, not a moment, you know, and um we're gonna figure that out tomorrow together.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna work through it.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: So, this is Dr.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: Derek Sweet, and you've been listening to The Sweet Spot.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you're getting something out of this.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: I love speaking with you, I love connecting with you, and I'm looking forward to seeing you tomorrow for Slowdown Sunday.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: If today touched you, subscribe.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: If today touched you, share this episode, send it to someone who needs a reminder that strength grows faster with support, not without it.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: For science, for soul, success.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: This is Dr.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: Derek Sweet.