Latest / Inner Work With MaryAnn Walker: Life Coach for People Pleasers / 146: From Empathy Overload to Self Empowerment

Transcript

146: From Empathy Overload to Self Empowerment · Inner Work With MaryAnn Walker: Life Coach for People Pleasers

• 0:21
  Well, hello and welcome back.
• 0:22
  My name is MaryAnn Walker and I'm the life coach for empaths and highly sensitive people.
• 0:26
  And right now the U.S.
• 0:29
  And by extension the world at large is kind of going through a lot.
• 0:33
  I know that we addressed a lot of that last week.
• 0:35
  Um, I've been looking at my statistics and roughly 25 to 30% of my listeners come from outside of the U S.
• 0:41
  I want you to know that I do see the impact and the ripple effect that this has on you as well.
• 0:48
  Um, we have been experiencing a lot of changes lately.
• 0:50
  And today I want to talk about first of all, why you're feeling things so deeply right now, as well as like how to shift.
• 0:56
  The empathy overload that many of us are experiencing right now into self empowerment.
• 1:01
  So first let's talk about why you are feeling so much right now.
• 1:06
  Highly sensitive people.
• 1:07
  Then they process emotions on a deeper level, and this can make it harder to turn off the weight of the world.
• 1:14
  So while other people, they might just opt out of watching the news.
• 1:17
  Many of my highly sensitive listeners feel a duty and obligation to know and understand what is happening in the world around them to better understand the impact that these different policies and procedures are having on not just their local community, but on individual communities around them, as well as the world at large, it's just kind of built into us to want to care for and want to nurture the entire world.
• 1:41
  And while these individual policies and actions might have a different level of impact on each of you.
• 1:46
  Then I think that underneath all of these individual things, then there's also kind of a collective injustice wound.
• 1:52
  So, what do I mean by injustice wound?
• 1:55
  An injustice wound is a really deep end emotional response to witnessing unfairness, suffering, and harm.
• 2:02
  So, if you are experiencing an injustice wound, then you might be feeling angry or frustrated with what's happening right now, feeling like, Hey, something here just isn't quite right.
• 2:12
  Something is feeling off right now.
• 2:14
  Maybe you're feeling heartbroken for other people that are suffering.
• 2:18
  Maybe you're feeling conflicted inside because you're seeing that there's something happening that's out of alignment with your values, but you aren't quite sure how to help.
• 2:27
  You just don't know what to do.
• 2:28
  And maybe you're even feeling a little bit guilty because you have peace and security while other people are struggling.
• 2:35
  And you might view that as an injustice.
• 2:38
  So why current events feels so overwhelming is because, I mean, number one, there's a lot happening right now.
• 2:44
  Things are coming out in such rapid fire succession.
• 2:48
  That there's not a lot of recovery time for deep feelers, because it's just one thing after another to process so we're processing this we're processing that we're calling to check on our friend who's impacted by this.
• 2:59
  We're calling on our family member who's impacted by that.
• 3:01
  And so there's just a lot all at once.
• 3:04
  So even people that have worked really hard to develop their emotional maturity and increase their capacity for emotional processing, sheer Succession of events really creates a lot of overwhelm right now.
• 3:17
  So again, I know a lot of you are already aware of what is happening in the world, but a few of the injustices that I've been hearing about that's really been weighing on people is worry and fear for families facing deportation and uncertainty at the border.
• 3:31
  There's a lot of injustice for people, uh, regarding how things are being navigated with our allies, Canada, Mexico, Greenland, as well as hearing more about what might be happening in Gaza soon.
• 3:42
  So a lot of people are concerned about our international affairs and the impact there.
• 3:46
  There's also a lot of economic stress noticing the rising cost of things like eggs and coffee and things that are just making everyday life more expensive for people when we're already feeling financially strained, maybe you are injustice wound is around seeing what's happening in the LGBTQ community.
• 4:04
  Specifically with the T part of that community.
• 4:07
  Maybe the injustice is seeing these seemingly arbitrary cuts for government employees.
• 4:12
  Uh, or comments blaming DEI for the tragic plane crash that took place over the Patomic or it may be it's just information overload that you're feeling like, Hey, this is an injustice wound.
• 4:22
  Just give me a break.
• 4:24
  Just let me breathe a little bit.
• 4:27
  It might be an injustice around not knowing what's true and what isn't, because the information is so different depending on what news source you are listening to.
• 4:37
  And all of this can just feel so overwhelming.
• 4:42
  Now I want to remind you that your brain has a negativity bias.
• 4:45
  And this means that it's naturally going to focus on the negative.
• 4:49
  This is kind of a survival instinct.
• 4:52
  It's intended to keep us safe, because if we can identify, what's not safe for us, then we can create that safety for ourselves.
• 5:00
  Right.
• 5:00
  So it's going to focus on what's wrong so we can fix it.
• 5:03
  And also that can be so exhausting.
• 5:07
  So notice if you're feeling that burnout, if you're feeling that empathy overload.
• 5:13
  And just kind of notice it and acknowledge it that, okay, this is what's coming up for me.
• 5:18
  And I'm just going to be honest about it.
• 5:19
  I mean, most of us are having a hard time, not being honest about it.
• 5:22
  Right.
• 5:22
  We're kind of stuck in that place.
• 5:25
  So acknowledge the empathy overload and what it is.
• 5:28
  So this empathy overload is when you are absorbing so much pain from the world around you, that it can become almost paralyzing.
• 5:37
  Some signs of empathy overload are feeling emotionally drained or even numb.
• 5:42
  Maybe you're feeling completely shut down day to day.
• 5:44
  Tasks just feel so much harder because you are carrying the weight of the world.
• 5:50
  It might look like avoiding news or even conversations because it just feels too painful.
• 5:55
  It might look like withdrawing from certain relationships because you weren't sure if you're going to get the support there, because maybe you view things differently.
• 6:03
  It might look like struggling with guilt over your own stability and your own blessings feeling like, well, geez, everything is fine for me, but everybody else is struggling.
• 6:12
  I feel so guilty about that could be another symptom of empathy overload.
• 6:18
  Or it might just be feeling completely powerless.
• 6:21
  And having that deep desire to create real change, but feeling powerless to do so.
• 6:27
  Now I want to remind you that.
• 6:29
  Guess what, when you're feeling this way, it is a hundred percent.
• 6:31
  Okay.
• 6:32
  And highly encouraged for you to just stop and take care of yourself.
• 6:36
  You cannot pour from an empty cup.
• 6:39
  And I know that many of you are working really hard to support other people, and it's almost easier to support other people.
• 6:46
  And you know what, for many of you serving others is the way that you get out of it.
• 6:50
  So keep it up.
• 6:51
  Keep doing what you're doing, keep loving, keep serving.
• 6:54
  And also if you are traditionally someone who shows up for others in love and service, but you're feeling burned out, tend to yourself like you would to your friend, give yourself some time, give yourself those reminders to place limits around your consumption of news and media.
• 7:12
  Um, but just take that time to tend to yourself just like you would your friends.
• 7:16
  Taking care of your own nervous system.
• 7:18
  It doesn't mean that you don't care.
• 7:20
  If you need to take a break from the news, it doesn't mean that you don't care about what is going on in the world around you.
• 7:27
  It means that you're taking some time to rebuild your strength and to tend to self and increase your own resilience so that you can continue to be informed.
• 7:37
  And you can continue to show up in the ways that you would like to.
• 7:40
  For other people.
• 7:42
  So some self-care practices that can help you to regulate your emotions.
• 7:46
  I'm just going to share a few of them, but do some grounding techniques for yourself, whatever it is that resonates with you.
• 7:50
  This might be breath work.
• 7:52
  It might mean meditation or spending time in nature, but take some time to ground and center yourself.
• 7:58
  It might look like limiting social media and news exposure when it just becomes too much.
• 8:02
  It might look like surrounding yourself with supportive and understanding people.
• 8:07
  It might look like setting limits on how much you are talking about what's going on.
• 8:11
  For example, me and my husband, we've just kind of decided that from six o'clock on, we're not talking politics because it's not good for our nervous systems.
• 8:18
  It doesn't help us to sleep.
• 8:20
  So we're trying to honor and respect that boundary.
• 8:23
  It might also look like being willing to speak up when you're talking with your friends and let them know, Hey, I really care about this and I really want to hold space for you, but I'm going to need a little minute.
• 8:34
  To ground and center myself before I can hear anymore.
• 8:37
  It might look like muting the feed of that friend or family member that you're just having a hard time seeing their feed because they're feeling very passionate about something right now.
• 8:46
  And it's negatively impacting you.
• 8:48
  It's a hundred percent okay.
• 8:49
  To just mute their feed for a little while.
• 8:51
  It's okay.
• 8:52
  So you do what it is that you need to do in order to find that self-regulation and take that time for yourself.
• 8:59
  I know that you are someone who traditionally reaches out in love and service to other people.
• 9:04
  And now is the perfect time to take that time and dedicate it to loving and nurturing self.
• 9:11
  So now that we've talked a bit about empathy overload and what that might look like, let's kind of talk a bit about how to shift that empathy overload into self-empowerment.
• 9:21
  And one way to do this.
• 9:23
  That's just super simple as noticing the difference between empathy and compassion.
• 9:28
  So empathy is really feeling what it is that another person feels.
• 9:32
  And that's a very beneficial thing.
• 9:34
  Empathy can be a very beneficial thing when it comes to understanding another person's experience.
• 9:39
  And also it's compassion that moves us forward.
• 9:43
  So yes, continue to love, continue to empathize.
• 9:47
  And also it's that compassion that is going to help you to see what is going on and move it into action.
• 9:53
  It's going to help you to essentially recognize the injustice wound so that we can tend to the injustice wound.
• 10:01
  It is compassion that asks what can I do today in my own way, in order to increase love and kindness and understanding.
• 10:08
  So here are a few small ways that you can really step into action.
• 10:12
  This might look like supporting businesses that align with your personal values.
• 10:16
  It might look like writing letters to peacefully advocate, to the causes that you believe in.
• 10:21
  It might look like making phone calls to your elected officials to let them know what is going on and how you feel about it.
• 10:27
  It might look like starting small initiatives.
• 10:29
  So for example, me and my kids have been talking about starting a little t-shirt business to just promote kindness, to put it on t-shirts and spread it out into the world.
• 10:37
  So anyone who sees me wearing a shirt will know where it is that I stand and be able to see that, okay, I'm safe with this person.
• 10:45
  So it might look like something like that.
• 10:47
  Maybe it might look like volunteering at your local homeless shelter warming center or food bank.
• 10:52
  Maybe it looks like attending fundraising events with causes that align with your personal values.
• 10:57
  And this can do two things.
• 10:58
  Not only can it help you to feel like you're part of a group because you can literally look around the room and see who else supports this cause, but it can also help you to feel like, okay.
• 11:07
  And I can also show up and represent and feel like I am contributing in this way by attending this fundraising event.
• 11:16
  Another small thing you can do is just focus on the kindnesses in everyday life.
• 11:20
  I recently attended a workshop with Kellyn Legath.
• 11:23
  She was doing a.
• 11:24
  Uh, group class on creating community.
• 11:27
  And one of the things that she shared was, Hey, I really want you to just spend two minutes a day looking for ways to increase love and kindness in this world.
• 11:35
  And so I'm going to just share that challenge with you as well.
• 11:37
  See if you can, just for two minutes, a day, dedicate it to loving kindness.
• 11:41
  This might be writing somebody a note of encouragement.
• 11:44
  It might look like dropping off muffins or flowers to a neighbor.
• 11:47
  I received muffins and flowers last week and it absolutely made my day.
• 11:50
  It might look like showing up in just small and meaningful ways for another person texting them and asking them how they're doing.
• 11:57
  So I encourage you to just try it out for two minutes a day and see what kind of change you can create in the world.
• 12:04
  This not only helps you to create change in the world, but it helps you to feel a bit more empowered when there's so many things going on around us, that we might feel helpless to change.
• 12:13
  The world is really heavy right now.
• 12:15
  But it's also full of so much goodness.
• 12:18
  Remember that your brain wants to fixate on what is wrong.
• 12:22
  And we can know that that's our default setting, and also try to remember to actively look for what is right.
• 12:29
  When I was scrolling on social media the other day, I was feeling super overwhelmed.
• 12:34
  And then this artist popped up in my feed and they were singing the most joyful song.
• 12:38
  Absolutely spoke to my heart.
• 12:40
  And I found myself smiling, looking at the screen, which hadn't happened for a few minutes.
• 12:45
  So that scrolling, right.
• 12:46
  The doom scrolling is very real.
• 12:48
  And I decided in that moment, this song brought me so much joy.
• 12:51
  I'm going to intentionally follow that artist on every single platform.
• 12:56
  So I did exactly that.
• 12:57
  I went and followed them everywhere so that now, no matter what platform I'm on, I can expect to see them pop up in my feed every now and then just spreading joy.
• 13:06
  So I encourage you to do two things.
• 13:08
  Okay.
• 13:08
  Intentionally find someone or something to follow on social media that uplifts and inspires.
• 13:15
  And the second thing I want you to do is intentionally block or unfollow.
• 13:19
  Anything on social media that is pulling you down.
• 13:23
  This might mean a news outlet, or it might mean a friend or family member that you just really need to mute their feed.
• 13:28
  That's okay.
• 13:29
  But find one thing to intentionally add to your feed and one thing to intentionally remove from your feed in order to create that personal peace.
• 13:39
  Another thing you might want to try is just taking a moment to notice the small and beautiful moments that happen throughout the day.
• 13:46
  So this might mean observing a sunrise or sunset.
• 13:49
  It might mean noticing people, helping other people.
• 13:52
  It might be.
• 13:54
  Paying attention when neighbors are showing up for neighbors.
• 13:57
  And seeing those small acts of kindness, even if it's just holding the door for somebody.
• 14:01
  Now I really get it that the initial wave of all of these changes, it really does seem to skew perspective a little bit, and sometimes it can be easy to just get stuck in the doom and the gloom and the overwhelmed.
• 14:13
  And so I encourage you to just intentionally seek it out, know that your brain is trying to keep you safe.
• 14:19
  Thank your brain for trying to keep you safe.
• 14:22
  And also intentionally look for the good, this is different from toxic positivity.
• 14:27
  Toxic positivity is choosing to ignore the negative and only focus on the good that's not what I'm telling you to do here.
• 14:34
  I'm encouraging you to acknowledge that yes, there are hard things happening in this world.
• 14:39
  And also there is so much good and choosing to invest and it turn up the volume a bit on the things that are going well.
• 14:49
  We can't do everything.
• 14:51
  We cannot fix every problem, but we can all do something.
• 14:56
  You do not have to fix the whole world, even though it feels like it at times that's not your job.
• 15:01
  It's not your responsibility to fix the whole world.
• 15:03
  But your small actions and your small acts of kindness, they really do make a difference.
• 15:08
  And they really do have a ripple effect that can truly change the world.
• 15:13
  Sometimes things feel overwhelming because part of us is feeling helpless.
• 15:17
  We want to create change, but we don't know how.
• 15:20
  Again, it is not our responsibility to do it all.
• 15:24
  And it's okay to pick one cause to focus on.
• 15:28
  And trust that there will be others in this world that will pick up other causes that we're passionate about.
• 15:33
  Pick one thing to invest your energy into and trust the others will pick up where you are unable to.
• 15:41
  You are not alone.
• 15:42
  Your heart and your compassion matter.
• 15:45
  Your empathy is a gift.
• 15:47
  And as we move that empathy into compassion, we can step out of that empathy overload and step into self empowerment.
• 15:56
  And that truly can change the world when we're choosing intentionally to invest in those small ways and create that bit of good.
• 16:04
  If you are in need of help and support right now, come and work with me.
• 16:08
  So many people are really struggling right now.
• 16:10
  If you've been directly impacted by the changes being made, come and work with me, I can offer you a discounted rate.
• 16:16
  There are also sponsorships available.
• 16:18
  And if you are able to, and you would like to help out and sponsor someone's coaching call, I'll put a link in the show notes where you can make a donation, and that will go towards helping to make payments for someone else as they're working through all of these life challenges.
• 16:33
  Also something I've been feeling really passionate about lately is I want to engage with you more and I want to engage with you in a live setting.
• 16:42
  Now, I don't know if you know this because I haven't been utilizing it to its full capacity, but I do in fact, have a private Facebook group.
• 16:48
  So the private Facebook group is also called inner work with MaryAnn Walker.
• 16:53
  I confess I have not been using it very much, but I do want to work to more intentionally use that.
• 16:59
  I want to be able to engage with you in a more personal level.
• 17:02
  And I think that a private group could be the platform to make that happen.
• 17:07
  And so if you would like to come and join that group, I would like to do live calls, occasionally see where you're at, so that I can support you and offer free help during all of these challenging times.
• 17:18
  And also, it gives me a better idea as to what's going on for you so I can also offer more support here on the podcast.
• 17:24
  My own personal act of resistance is I am dedicated to making this podcast a space for positivity, for self-empowerment for reminding you of what it is that you do have control over and helping you to process the things that you don't have control over.
• 17:39
  You are not alone.
• 17:40
  We are in this together and we can make a difference.
• 17:43
  Thank you so much for being here.
• 17:45
  Again, check out the show notes.
• 17:47
  If you, if you'd like to come and work with me, if you would like to sponsor someone to come and work with me, check out the show notes for that and come and find me on my private Facebook group.
• 17:56
  I would love to see you there.
• 17:58
  All right.
• 17:58
  I hope you have a great week and let's talk soon.
• 18:00
  Bye now.