Latest / The Dr. Psych Mom Show with clinical psychologist Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten / Infidelity: Doesn't Happen As Often Or For The Reasons You Think

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Infidelity: Doesn't Happen As Often Or For The Reasons You Think · The Dr. Psych Mom Show with clinical psychologist Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten

• 0:05
  Hi everybody, and welcome to the doctor.
• 0:07
  Psych mom show today. I'll be discussing infidelity,
• 0:11
  just an overview of a couple questions that I got and there's
• 0:15
  a whole section of my blog devoted to infidelity and
• 0:18
  actually did A continuing ed for other clinicians on infidelity,
• 0:22
  which is huge power point. That took me three hours, I
• 0:26
  presented that at my state organization Association years
• 0:30
  ago and most recently for a private C company.
• 0:33
  Tzk seminars, If there is somebody who wants to hear me
• 0:38
  talk for three hours on infidelity straight, then you
• 0:42
  can message me and I'll link you to where you can purchase that
• 0:45
  for $65 for this company. But anyway, otherwise I'll just
• 0:49
  give you more of a brief overview here.
• 0:52
  And before I do that, please do subscribe because I have loads
• 0:56
  and loads of great episodes. Most recently was how your child
• 0:59
  is watching? How you treat your significant
• 1:01
  other? Your partner.
• 1:02
  So be careful. All right, so infidelity
• 1:07
  infidelity is, you know, it's a Hot Topic because people think
• 1:12
  that there's more infidelity than there is particularly a lot
• 1:16
  of the guys who come to me through various manosphere
• 1:20
  channels, think that women are just cheating all the time.
• 1:23
  They're not women have low rates of cheating compared to men.
• 1:26
  I tried to say this on Tick-Tock and I got all these dudes who
• 1:30
  were like, no way women are like cheating at rates of 95%.
• 1:34
  No, that's not true. I'm sorry that happened to you
• 1:37
  but it isn't it unusual. Women have lower sex drives
• 1:41
  there more often with small children you know they don't
• 1:44
  usually cheat. The rates are about twenty
• 1:47
  percent for men and 13 percent for women that's across the
• 1:51
  whole lifespan. So not most women are not
• 1:55
  cheating 87% or not cheating, who does cheat?
• 2:00
  Well, it doesn't really have to do as much as people think with
• 2:03
  whether you're happy in your relationship.
• 2:04
  And Chip 56 percent of men. The cheat are in happy
• 2:07
  relationships and 24% a woman. So, it seems like women do cheat
• 2:11
  at much, lower rates, but they may do it because they are more
• 2:16
  unhappy, that would give them the push.
• 2:19
  Like, they don't have that natural testosterone.
• 2:21
  Walking around in monogamy, as I say all the time, they don't
• 2:24
  walk around. Once they're in a serious
• 2:26
  relationship, like, aroused all the time, you know, like a guy
• 2:29
  might, you know? So therefore they have to
• 2:32
  actually be pretty unhappy. Be in the relationship to cheat,
• 2:36
  but, you know, 24% of them, the cheetah quarter are still happy.
• 2:40
  So, that's something to be said. So, then, why do people cheat?
• 2:43
  Because they want to feel alive, I said this in another podcast
• 2:46
  and it's in the Esther perel State of Affairs book which you
• 2:49
  should read that's a great book on Affairs.
• 2:52
  And you, you would think that in our culture, there's like, you
• 2:57
  know, people act like people who cheat or like the devil in our
• 3:01
  culture. This is only a real recent sort
• 3:03
  of thing. It used to be A given that men
• 3:05
  would cheat you specially if they were traveling or they were
• 3:08
  traveling for extended periods. It was kind of known that men
• 3:12
  had like workplace Affairs and things like that and the only
• 3:15
  time that that would be so horrible would be if the wife
• 3:19
  was humiliated and found out about it.
• 3:21
  And you could see some of this, if you watch The Sopranos with
• 3:25
  Tony Soprano and Carmela, how he cheats on her.
• 3:27
  But it really only gets humiliating if he somehow, I
• 3:32
  mean, you know, obviously she doesn't love it, but it It's
• 3:35
  considered something that they that is going to happen.
• 3:38
  But if it were to come back and bite her some way, and she were
• 3:41
  to be publicly humiliated, that would be the very bad part.
• 3:45
  But nowadays, as I've talked all the time about how marriage is
• 3:49
  supposed to be everything. People are supposed to be each.
• 3:51
  Other's complete soul, mate. Best friend co-parent, you know,
• 3:54
  on the same page with every value now, it's thought of as,
• 3:58
  as really very terrible and that's okay, culture changes,
• 4:02
  you know, and now There's like, post and Fidelity, betrayal and
• 4:07
  all sorts of things where people experience real PTSD symptoms
• 4:10
  from infidelity. And that is because the culture
• 4:13
  has changed, you know, I mean, so, yes.
• 4:16
  Now it is it is a trauma to find that out more.
• 4:19
  So for some people than for others but especially people who
• 4:22
  have been betrayed and treated badly and their childhoods.
• 4:25
  If they have another, you know, trauma of any sort relationally,
• 4:30
  it's going to feel worse than it will further people.
• 4:32
  But the majority of people nowadays, take it extremely
• 4:34
  Extremely bad. And there's a lot of interesting
• 4:37
  books on how different this is and those are all in the
• 4:41
  bibliography of my continuing ed presentation.
• 4:45
  So the one that I always cite because the title is so great.
• 4:49
  Is the erotic Silence of the American Wife.
• 4:51
  That's a pretty good one too. To read if you're looking for
• 4:55
  kind of, why do women cheat that?
• 4:57
  Isn't that they're unhappy? It's this feeling of, is this
• 5:01
  all, there is in my life. And now when you find somebody
• 5:04
  That you're attracted to that's attracted to you back, you feel
• 5:07
  young again, you feel like there's possibilities, you feel
• 5:10
  a sense of adventure, you feel basically?
• 5:13
  Like you're not half sleepwalking anymore.
• 5:16
  You feel alert and alive and very different than you do when
• 5:21
  you're just kind of going through your life.
• 5:23
  And of course there are multiple kinds of Affairs, but emotional
• 5:30
  Affairs happen. A lot more now than they ever
• 5:32
  did because of the And, you know, because of texting and
• 5:36
  social media and everything. A lot of the people that I see
• 5:39
  are people who had emotional Affairs, some of them went
• 5:41
  physical, some didn't, but the majority of Affairs especially
• 5:44
  that women have turned out to be emotional Affairs where they
• 5:47
  were really close to somebody. Let's say at work, work is a
• 5:50
  real common one and they're talking to them on slack then
• 5:53
  there's talking to them on text and they're talking to them and
• 5:55
  talking to them and talking to them then they start talking
• 5:57
  about their relationship and they're not happy and you know
• 6:00
  it goes from there. So this is why I counsel people
• 6:05
  in the aftermath of infidelity you if you really want to stay
• 6:08
  focused on your relationship and you know, you're somebody that's
• 6:11
  already done this once before don't have any opposite-sex
• 6:15
  friends, just don't you know do not get together with people of
• 6:18
  the opposite sex that you may be attracted to because if you
• 6:22
  start talking to them about things, individually one-on-one
• 6:27
  and the topics of become increasingly more intimate than
• 6:30
  you already know. Once before it happened, that
• 6:33
  you got involved with somebody, where you were Supposed to so
• 6:35
  keep your boundaries very strong.
• 6:38
  You know this is sometimes people don't like this advice
• 6:42
  but I mean if you want to if you're in the aftermath of
• 6:44
  infidelity and you still are saying that you ought to have
• 6:48
  all the same friends and all the same leeway as before then you
• 6:50
  really want to work on your relationship.
• 6:52
  Probably not, because you're still putting yourself In Harm's
• 6:54
  Way. So some the person who asked me
• 6:58
  to do the infidelity thing, the subscriber also asked, are there
• 7:01
  any times when having an affair is like a good idea?
• 7:04
  So, For a good idea. I mean, I could make some
• 7:06
  Lifetime movie stuff up, like I don't know.
• 7:09
  Your wife is in a coma, you know, and like you've been
• 7:13
  faithful for 20 years and then you know, but like that's not
• 7:17
  the sort of situation that people are in.
• 7:19
  It's really never a good idea to cheat on somebody pragmatically.
• 7:22
  It's a terrible idea. Your kids, if they find out
• 7:25
  you're going to hate you. Your divorce is going to be
• 7:28
  acrimonious on horrible. Your if you reconcile with your
• 7:31
  spouse, they're never going to talk to you on the truck.
• 7:34
  In the same way, again, it's never a good idea and you could
• 7:37
  get an STD, that's happened to some of my my clients who've had
• 7:42
  multiple Affairs because I work with a lot of guys with sex
• 7:44
  addiction, they get an STD then they have to tell their wife and
• 7:47
  it's a whole fucking thing. So, know you should really never
• 7:50
  have an affair. If you find yourself drawn to
• 7:53
  having an affair, you should quickly go into therapy and try
• 7:56
  to work through whatever this attraction is and figure out
• 7:59
  what you want the thousand times better to get out of the
• 8:02
  relationship, if you really are dissatisfied.
• 8:04
  As fide or nowadays? Holy shit.
• 8:07
  Look, there's a loophole that a lot of people have, which is
• 8:10
  poly, you know, if people try Polly and this is what everybody
• 8:15
  was saying, on my tic tocs, it's a very different demographic.
• 8:17
  I'll take talks a lot younger people.
• 8:19
  So everybody was like, oh, did you never hear about Polly?
• 8:22
  I'm like, yeah, I fucking did. Hear about Polly, okay, I have a
• 8:25
  lot of poly clients now, more and more and more, but if you
• 8:29
  really cannot exist in your marriage without screwing other
• 8:32
  people, well, then, at least do it.
• 8:34
  SLI and say that you want to have an open marriage, I had a
• 8:37
  podcast on Polly for anybody that cares.
• 8:40
  I should have linked. Those Tick-Tock people to that,
• 8:43
  didn't even think about it. But anyway, yeah, you can't
• 8:46
  really lie to your spouse and think anything good is going to
• 8:49
  happen because you never slick as you think, and you're
• 8:52
  probably going to get found out and even if not, you're going to
• 8:55
  feel like a piece of shit. So like, you know, the guilt,
• 8:58
  you know, she's not going to be a good scene.
• 9:00
  So, because this is not the Madmen or Sopranos sort of
• 9:04
  Society where most men can just do that.
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  And then, it doesn't, you know, bite them in the ass and it
• 9:10
  doesn't make them feel guilty or anything, because this is just
• 9:13
  what we do, it's not just what we do.
• 9:14
  So you would be the guy with a huge secret, and I'll tell you
• 9:17
  nowadays, even other guys are not cool with hearing this.
• 9:20
  Like, if you say it used to be. If you're a guy, you say to
• 9:23
  another guy, I'm having an affair.
• 9:25
  They're like, okay, now we will be like, oh my God, man.
• 9:28
  What's wrong? Are you sure you want to risk
• 9:30
  everything bla bla? I mean half of them.
• 9:32
  Probably tell your wife. I mean just like Don't have an
• 9:35
  affair like not that listening to this podcast, going to make
• 9:38
  anybody stop. If they're really good about to
• 9:40
  have an affair but it can fuck you up.
• 9:43
  And the your divorce will be a thousand times worse than your
• 9:46
  partner. Hates you etcetera.
• 9:48
  But what if somebody is asking, is it a good idea to have an
• 9:52
  affair with the question probably is is if I am
• 9:54
  incredibly dissatisfaction with in my relationship but I do not
• 9:58
  want to end my relationship. Is there any way to have a free
• 10:00
  lunch? And y'all know what I think
• 10:02
  about free lunches already. You can't have any there's no
• 10:05
  free lunch. So in this case it should
• 10:08
  mobilize you to say. Since there's no free lunch, I
• 10:11
  got to get out of my relationship or I have to work
• 10:13
  on making it better. Those are really my only options
• 10:16
  having an escape Affair is not an ethical option.
• 10:20
  In terms of who has Affairs, that was another component of
• 10:23
  the question. I was asked people with insecure
• 10:25
  attachment have affairs more that should come as no surprise
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  to any of you who have been listening people.
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  It's interesting men with avoidant attachment so And that
• 10:34
  are like, you know, no constrictions on me.
• 10:37
  I Want to Be Free, are more likely to have a fair.
• 10:40
  Is that one's pretty fucking obvious, right and women with
• 10:42
  preoccupied attachment. So not the avoidant attachment
• 10:45
  women, they are more. So the avoidant wives and the
• 10:48
  avoidant wife podcast is so funny.
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  Actually I should like, you know, put this data on a blimp
• 10:55
  for all the guys that come to me that are super preoccupied
• 10:58
  attachment with avoidant wives and they're like, oh my God,
• 11:00
  she's cheating on me and I'm like, no she just want to fuck
• 11:03
  you like that's different. You know, it doesn't mean she's
• 11:05
  fucking someone else. It means she's fucking no one,
• 11:07
  you know, because she is so irritated by you and your
• 11:10
  neediness that she doesn't want to fuck anyone.
• 11:12
  She just like done, she's monogamous, she's done, she's
• 11:15
  focusing on her friends, her career, her kids, that's what
• 11:18
  she's doing like, for you to think that because she's not
• 11:20
  fucking you mean she's talking to someone else is stupid.
• 11:23
  It's not real. And in obviously, at least
• 11:26
  eighty, seven percent of cases, it's not real.
• 11:29
  But the women who do cheat more, interestingly, are the
• 11:32
  preoccupied woman with and this LED research Bears out with
• 11:36
  avoidant men who are coupled with avoidant men?
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  Why? Cuz they are not getting their
• 11:40
  closeness needs met. So the guys at work, the guys at
• 11:44
  golf, the guys at fishing, the guys doing all these things, he
• 11:46
  doesn't give much of a shit. And so what does she do?
• 11:49
  During that time she talks to her ex-boyfriend on Facebook or
• 11:52
  whoever else? And so moral of the story is if
• 11:56
  you are preoccupied attachment die, which is most of the guys
• 11:58
  who are going to be listening, you're avoiding wife, probably
• 12:01
  not cheating on you, you probably already installed
• 12:03
  trackers on you. Others phones and you probably
• 12:06
  know she's not cheating on you but don't go down a rabbit hole
• 12:09
  of. If she's not fucking me she must
• 12:10
  be fucking somebody. That's not real.
• 12:13
  People say that about men, it's not even real about men.
• 12:16
  As you all know, every man is soliciting does not having sex,
• 12:19
  you're not having sex with anyone else, either the great
• 12:21
  majority of you but some of you are most of you aren't so.
• 12:25
  The way that marriage goes currently is, if unfortunately,
• 12:30
  is if you're not fucking your spouse, you're not having sex.
• 12:33
  I mean, like that's how it goes. The majority of people are not
• 12:36
  having Affairs. Let's and the incidence of
• 12:38
  infidelity goes lower and lower and lower with education level
• 12:42
  income, Etc. So there's that as well.
• 12:46
  So a lot of the people, the women that are cheating are
• 12:49
  women with, like, you know, who are like 18 years old, because
• 12:52
  it goes from all adults. So, you know, and also, by the
• 12:56
  way, it's interesting, there's women that are cheating that are
• 12:58
  older again. This is out of a very small
• 13:01
  sample size of women that are cheating.
• 13:03
  But the years, We're Men think they're cheating, which is like
• 13:07
  the years of having small kids, barely any women are cheating in
• 13:09
  those years. They got to be really unhappy
• 13:12
  and or really emotionally disregulated to be that kind of
• 13:17
  volatile and kind of to risk to risk a divorce to risk being
• 13:22
  found out to risk. Not having full custody of their
• 13:25
  kids. If they were to get found out
• 13:26
  it's like a whole thing. So most women with small kids
• 13:29
  which is when you know they start not having sex with their
• 13:32
  husbands, they're not having sex with Body.
• 13:35
  So that's just the reality. But, um, the people that are
• 13:39
  more likely are the people with insecure attachment, they don't
• 13:41
  trust others. They did not learn stable
• 13:43
  templates of relationships growing up so that you have
• 13:47
  trust issues and people with trust issues or intimacy issues
• 13:50
  are not going to be trusting. And it's a bit within their
• 13:52
  primary relationship at the same rates as people who did have
• 13:56
  secure attachment growing up in terms of the the statistics
• 14:02
  behind. Like, I don't know.
• 14:04
  How many somebody has to? How many Affairs?
• 14:07
  Not the same person? Somebody asked, how many Affairs
• 14:09
  actually get found out? I don't know.
• 14:12
  Like, there's not statistics like that, but that I could find
• 14:16
  at least, but from what I see, you know, a lot, a lot of people
• 14:20
  get caught, I mean, that's just the truth and people get caught,
• 14:23
  especially with long-term things.
• 14:25
  Do I know if everybody gets caught that sleeps with a
• 14:27
  stripper at their friend's bachelor party, I don't know
• 14:29
  those statistics. But from what I observe
• 14:32
  generally the longer that an affair goes on.
• 14:34
  The more evidence you're leaving.
• 14:36
  So you know, that's how it is. I had this years ago somebody
• 14:39
  wrote in and asked about their husband had a one-night stand
• 14:43
  years ago. Do I think that the marriage
• 14:45
  could be solved? He actually came to her and
• 14:47
  admitted it was years later? Yes, I think the marriage can be
• 14:50
  worked on and be resolved. I do of course I work with many
• 14:53
  couples in the aftermath of infidelity.
• 14:55
  The only couples where it's not resolved or the people that are
• 14:58
  literally actively in the affair.
• 15:00
  While they're coming to see me because they refused to give up
• 15:03
  on it because they love that person.
• 15:04
  So that's obviously, you know, doesn't doesn't take a licensed
• 15:08
  psychologist to say, that's not a very good sign.
• 15:10
  But people who people, of course, get through Affairs,
• 15:13
  they recover from infidelity, I've written about this on my
• 15:16
  site and of course what predicted if you have a stronger
• 15:20
  relationship more motivation, often children are very good
• 15:24
  motivator and if you can both understand each other sides.
• 15:28
  So the one who got cheated on can understand, kind of why.
• 15:32
  They don't love it. They don't even like it.
• 15:33
  They're very Add. But at least they understand how
• 15:36
  the other one felt that the other one, you know, felt that
• 15:39
  they got this attention and then they got kind of drunk on the
• 15:41
  attention. They made these bad choices and
• 15:44
  meanwhile, you know, we weren't having sex like they can put it
• 15:46
  together like pieces of a puzzle and then the betraying partner
• 15:51
  first in the order of operations also.
• 15:54
  But first has to empathize with the Betrayed partner, I mean
• 15:57
  they got to be really, really apologetic and get past that
• 16:00
  defensiveness and then the marriage can be worked on.
• 16:03
  And as a Apparel says in State of Affairs can move on to
• 16:06
  marriage 2.0. Meaning like it's never going to
• 16:09
  be the first marriage in the wake of infidelity, but with
• 16:12
  work, it can be an even stronger marriage if you because it can
• 16:15
  lead to conversations where your deeply understand one another
• 16:19
  for the first time and in fact there's usually a hysterical
• 16:21
  bonding phase which means that people have a bunch of sex in
• 16:25
  the Discover in the aftermath of the discovery because they are
• 16:30
  very dysregulated by the news. Everything is new A partner even
• 16:35
  though he did something terrible least, he did something new, you
• 16:38
  know, or she and and you're trying to make guard them.
• 16:43
  And you're also kind of like you're competing.
• 16:46
  So made guarding means you're competing against the potential
• 16:49
  of their party. By engaging in this hysterical
• 16:53
  bonding, this very sharp uptick in the amount of sex that you're
• 16:57
  having. So, on the one hand, there is
• 16:59
  one upside that usually transpires, which is that people
• 17:02
  start having sex. So, Some people if we're talking
• 17:06
  about Mister missus divorced in spirit, you know, my couples you
• 17:09
  meet in counseling, number three, in the Loveless marriage,
• 17:12
  if there's an affair. Well, then it's bye-bye, you
• 17:15
  know, like it's like not even a it's not even a thing that could
• 17:20
  potentially lead to reconciliation.
• 17:22
  Because there's so divorced from one, another really in spirit,
• 17:25
  as I say, but for couples that have more engagement with one.
• 17:30
  Another, if Anna Faris found out frequently there is this Time
• 17:34
  where the maid is trying to get you away from your Affair
• 17:37
  partner, which leads to this uptick in Sex and interest Etc.
• 17:42
  And of course there's also like horrible, horrible, things that
• 17:45
  happen lasting betrayal, trust issues, forever conversations,
• 17:50
  till 4:00 in the morning. Going through everything that
• 17:53
  you did. You'll have to give access to
• 17:54
  your phone in many cases. I mean, it's just a world of
• 17:58
  shit, so, you know, don't do don't have an affair in order to
• 18:01
  get the hysterical bonding face because frequently people break.
• 18:04
  Up. Anyway, after the hysterical
• 18:05
  bonding phase is done. But you know, this is something
• 18:08
  that happens when you're thinking about how things go.
• 18:11
  But, yes, couples can definitely work on repairing after
• 18:15
  infidelity. They do that all the time.
• 18:17
  That's what loads and loads of couples counselors work on with
• 18:20
  clients. I mean, infidelity is a really
• 18:22
  big one nowadays. It's like if you find out that
• 18:25
  your spouse is having an affair, it's like almost the first thing
• 18:27
  you do is call a couple's counselor.
• 18:29
  So we see lots of it. And if the couple is committed
• 18:34
  and Strong and wants to work through, you know, the hard work
• 18:38
  and the person is committed to understanding this was a mistake
• 18:41
  and they want to be done with the affair.
• 18:43
  That's pretty key. Then you can repair.
• 18:46
  Of course, there are situations where the person does not want
• 18:48
  to relinquish the affair partner.
• 18:50
  And then another question which I did not get but, you know, I'm
• 18:53
  here here. All night is, is the, is it ever
• 18:58
  the case? That people leave for their
• 19:00
  Affair partners and it works out.
• 19:02
  Yeah, I'm as hear this all the time.
• 19:04
  I'm I don't know how this became something that people don't
• 19:07
  think, I think it's like a tooth fairy kind of, you know, like
• 19:10
  it's reassuring thought that people have all.
• 19:12
  It's never going to work out. If you marry the affair partner,
• 19:15
  I see it. I mean, I see it having people
• 19:17
  will say to me. Oh yeah, my stepmother.
• 19:19
  That's the woman that my father cheated.
• 19:21
  But like, I mean, it just happens because the reality is,
• 19:24
  is that most people are monogamous in their heart and if
• 19:28
  they are, these are the people that are not happy.
• 19:31
  The people that end up leaving for the affair partner.
• 19:34
  So, In this ongoing love affair. Literally not just sex but A
• 19:38
  Love Affair and then eventually they can choose to leave.
• 19:41
  It doesn't usually happen that they are very ambivalent and
• 19:44
  then the spouse kicks them out. And then they go to the affair
• 19:46
  partner. But frequently people choose to
• 19:49
  leave for the affair partner that does happen.
• 19:51
  It doesn't happen like all the time or anything, but it also
• 19:55
  doesn't happen, none of the time.
• 19:56
  So, I mean, it is a thing that I hear and when I started out, I
• 20:00
  didn't think I would hear it as much as I did because I had
• 20:03
  thought, you know, the same as the lake.
• 20:04
  A person thinks that doesn't happen a lot, but it really you
• 20:07
  hear it more and more people stories about their parents and
• 20:10
  my parents are divorced and that, you know, one of them
• 20:12
  remarried, the person that they cheated with, so it does happen
• 20:15
  and it happens, I think because people love love and they fall
• 20:19
  in love frequently has not, you know, an affair.
• 20:23
  It's very hard for people of both genders to just put sex in
• 20:26
  a specific category. This is why when I have clients
• 20:29
  who are like on are going to go on Tinder because tinder's just
• 20:31
  for hooking up. Everything is for me.
• 20:34
  People. There's no man that's going to
• 20:36
  have awesome sex with you and gets along with your personality
• 20:40
  and then he's like, Matt. But you know what?
• 20:41
  I meant you on Tinder, so I'm not gonna pursue anything.
• 20:45
  People can click on a people, click on field.
• 20:48
  That's the one for just sex, like, literally just sex, I
• 20:52
  mean, people click and meet significant others in all kinds
• 20:55
  of ways. It's just if the two people
• 20:57
  click, you know, like there was a real housewives that she met
• 21:00
  her husband on a sex ad on Craigslist.
• 21:03
  I mean, this shit. It happens.
• 21:05
  So there's no such thing usually unless you're literally visiting
• 21:08
  a brothel you know where you are completely shut down to the idea
• 21:13
  of a sexual partner ever, no matter how awesome they are
• 21:18
  becoming love partner. I mean, you're not going into it
• 21:21
  with the same expectations, but love can always happen in any
• 21:24
  sort of situation, which is why nobody should have an affair if
• 21:28
  they're at all, committed to their relationship because you
• 21:30
  may think your wife doesn't have enough sex with you.
• 21:32
  So you're just going to go on the side.
• 21:34
  And fuck this girl at work. Yeah.
• 21:35
  Well, guess what, you may fall in love with the girl at work
• 21:38
  too. And then, you know, a hold, then
• 21:41
  first, you have problems, you know, and you going to leave and
• 21:45
  this and that. And then your kids May hate the
• 21:47
  girl at work, because they resent her, because she's the
• 21:49
  whore that took you away. From our mother.
• 21:51
  Don't get yourself down this Rabbit Hole of hell.
• 21:55
  So anyway, that is the overview of infidelity.
• 21:57
  If anybody dying to hear me talk for three hours on it just hit
• 22:02
  me up and I will Thank you to where you can do that or and you
• 22:06
  could also send me some more specific questions about
• 22:08
  infidelity and devils are written about it.
• 22:10
  Extensively on the infidelity section of dr.
• 22:13
  Psych mom and I will talk to you all soon.