Latest / New Manager Conversations with Fexingo: First 90 Days, Managing Former Peers, and Leadership Basics / The First 90 Days Of Leading Your Own Team
Transcript
- Lucas: There is a specific kind of panic that hits people in their first ninety days as a manager. It starts around week four. You have the title, you have the badge, but you also have a team that remembers you as the person who sat next to them and complained about the same things they do. And suddenly, you are expected to have answers. Luna: Right. And most people try to fill that silence with noise. They schedule twelve meetings in the first week and promise immediate changes to prove they are in charge. Lucas: Exactly. But here is the thing. The people who actually succeed in those first ninety days are the ones who resist that urge. I want to talk about the difference between managing for visibility and managing for velocity. Because if you spend your first month trying to be seen as a leader, you lose the chance to be heard as one. Luna: So you are saying the goal isn't to change things immediately, but to understand the system before you touch it? Lucas: Precisely. Let me give you a concrete example from a client I worked with last year. She was a senior product marketer promoted to director. On day one, she announced a new reporting structure. By day twenty, three key team members were disengaged because they felt their expertise was being bypassed. She had traded credibility for control. Luna: That is such a common trap. People think promotion means they have to fix everything right away. Lucas: It does not. In fact, acting too fast is usually a sign of insecurity. The best framework I have seen for this is the thirty-sixty-ninety rule, but let us refine it. The first thirty days should be purely observational. No decisions. Just questions. Ask every direct report: what is working? What is broken? What would you change if you had my job? Luna: And then you just listen? You don't even offer your own opinion during those first conversations? Lucas: You listen harder than you ever have in your career. You take notes. You map the informal power structures. Who does everyone go to for advice? Who is the unofficial gatekeeper of information? That data is gold. If you skip that phase, you are flying blind while pretending to have a map. Luna: It sounds almost too passive. How do you keep the team from thinking you are weak or indecisive? Lucas: That is the fear, isn't it? That silence looks like weakness. But it is actually strength. When you withhold judgment, you create psychological safety. People tell you the truth when they know you are not going to shoot back immediately. I saw this with a software engineering lead who spent his first month just shadowing code reviews. He didn't say much. But by day forty-five, he could point out a specific bottleneck that had been costing the team twenty hours a week. Luna: Because he understood the context first. So the sixty-day mark is where you start making moves? Lucas: Yes. Sixty days is when you make your first public win. But it has to be small. It has to be something you identified during your listening phase. Maybe it is fixing a broken approval process. Maybe it is clearing a roadblock that has been annoying everyone for months. You show them you were listening, and now you are acting. Luna: That feels much more sustainable than the big overhaul approach. What about the ninetieth day? Lucas: Ninety days is when you set the vision. Now that you have the trust and the data, you can propose a new direction. You say, based on what I learned, here is where we are going. The team buys in because they helped build the foundation. They feel ownership in the plan. Luna: It really flips the script on traditional management advice. Usually, they tell you to hit the ground running. Lucas: They do. And that is why so many new managers fail. They run into a wall before they even see the building. There is also the social aspect. You have to navigate those former peer relationships carefully. You cannot treat them exactly the same, but you cannot be cold either. Luna: That boundary setting is always the hardest part. How do you suggest handling lunch breaks or casual chats? Lucas: Keep them, but change the topic. You can still grab coffee. But stop complaining about upper management. Start talking about work goals. It signals the shift without being awkward. If you keep venting, you are still one of them. If you only talk about strategy, you are leading them. The transition happens in the conversation. Luna: I love that. It is subtle, but it defines your new role instantly. Lucas: It does. And here is a hard truth. Some of those friends will leave you. They might resent the change. That is okay. You are not responsible for their comfort. You are responsible for the team's performance. If you try to please everyone, you end up pleasing no one. Luna: So it is about accepting that some relationships will evolve, even if they drift apart. Lucas: Exactly. Focus on the people who want to grow with you. The ones who respect the clarity you bring. Those are your core team. Build that relationship first. The rest is just noise. Luna: Speaking of clarity, I know you both put a lot of heart into these episodes. A couple of dollars a month is genuinely what keeps these going. If you've gotten something out of them, check out buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. Lucas: It helps cover the costs and keeps the content ad-free. Thank you for supporting the work. Luna: Back to the ninety days. What about the one-on-one meetings themselves? Are there specific questions that work better than others? Lucas: Skip the status update. Everyone can do that via email. Use the first one-on-one to ask: what does success look like for you in six months? Where do you feel stuck? What resources do you need that you don't currently have? Luna: Those are great because they focus on their growth, not just your demands. Lucas: Right. It shifts the dynamic from boss-employee to coach-player. Even if you are not their official coach, that mindset changes how you interact. You become a partner in their career. That builds loyalty faster than any bonus. Luna: I wonder how many managers realize that loyalty is cheaper than turnover. Lucas: Probably none. Because they are too busy trying to prove they deserve the title. But retention is a numbers game. If you keep your top performers engaged, you save thousands in recruiting and training costs. That is a tangible return on investment for being a good listener. Luna: So the ROI of listening is actually higher than the ROI of dictating. Lucas: In the short term, yes. Dictating feels fast. Listening feels slow. But slow is smooth, and smooth is fast. You avoid reworking mistakes later. You get it right the first time because you had the full picture. Luna: That is a useful reframing. It takes the pressure off having all the answers immediately. Lucas: It should. You are not hired to have all the answers. You are hired to ask the right questions and remove obstacles. That is the job. Everything else is just ego. Luna: Ego is definitely the enemy of good management. It blinds you to what the team actually needs. Lucas: Agreed. So, if you are in those first ninety days, I would challenge you to do nothing for the first two weeks. Just observe. Take notes. Talk to people. Then, when you finally speak, you will sound like you know what you are talking about. Because you will. Luna: A powerful exercise. Silence before speech. It seems counterintuitive but makes total sense. Lucas: It is. And it separates the managers who want to be liked from the managers who want to be effective. Which one are you trying to be? Luna: Ideally, both. But effectiveness usually brings respect, which leads to being liked. Lucas: Exactly. Respect is the currency. Likability is just interest. Don't confuse the two. Lead with respect, and the rest follows. Luna: That is a good note to end on. Respect over likability. It changes the entire game. Lucas: It does. And next time you step into a new role, remember: your first move is not to act. It is to learn. The rest is just execution. Luna: Learning first, leading second. A simple sequence that solves most new-manager problems. Lucas: If you follow that sequence, you might just find that the ninety days fly by. And you will be ready for the next challenge. Luna: Here is to smooth transitions and clear communication. See you next time.