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Mojo Monday - Finding Balance in Goal Setting and Living In the Moment with Carly Taylor · Hardiness with Dr Paul Taylor

• 0:09
  Speaker 1: Hi, everyone, Carlie Taylor here for this week's Mojo Monday.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: And before I start, I just wanted to say I
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and looking forward to
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: the new year. And I guess this episode is relevant
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: to heading into twenty twenty five when we are looking
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: with anticipation to the year ahead and a lot of
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  Speaker 1: people setting intentions and well what we traditionally call resolutions.
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  Speaker 1: But I've actually been reading a book by doctor Brian Ogawa,
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  Speaker 1: who is an expert in Japanese psychology or in Marita therapy,
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  Speaker 1: and it's called A River to Live By, Twelve Principles
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: of Marita Therapy, and it's given me some very powerful
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  Speaker 1: insights that I would love to share with you today.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: And as we do approach the new year, there's certainly
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  Speaker 1: no shortage of podcasts and conversations about reflecting on the
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: past and setting goals for twenty twenty five. And while
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  Speaker 1: these practices are undoubtedly valuable, we are certainly doing that
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: as a family.
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  Speaker 2: We do that every year together.
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  Speaker 1: We reflect on our achievements, the things we're most proud
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: of for the previous year, and then we look at
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  Speaker 1: our intentions and set some goals for the year ahead,
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  Speaker 1: and that there also is an equally important perspective on
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  Speaker 1: heading into the new year, and that is about accepting
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: where we are right now and living fully in the
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: present moment. And this idea stems from one of the
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  Speaker 1: key principles in Marita therapy and also in Buddhism, recognizing
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  Speaker 1: that all we truly have is in the here and now.
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  Speaker 1: Life unfolds in moments, and if we don't fully embrace
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  Speaker 1: an except where we are, we risk falling into that
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  Speaker 1: tyranny of the shoulds and the coulds, that endless loop
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  Speaker 1: of wishing things were different or dwelling on what could
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  Speaker 1: have been. It drains what Marita refers to as say
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  Speaker 1: no yukobel, which is our life energy. It's that fuel
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  Speaker 1: that drives us to live well because we all want
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  Speaker 1: to live well and we all want to have meaningful connections,
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  Speaker 1: and also we innately want to find safety and purpose
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  Speaker 1: in our lives, and of course being motivated to.
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  Speaker 2: Grow and improve is super important.
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  Speaker 1: Setting goals can inspire, hope and push us forward. And
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  Speaker 1: the thing is this is really crucial. There must be
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  Speaker 1: a balance if we become overly focused on future outcomes
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: like losing weight or getting a.
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  Speaker 2: Degree, which is what I'm trying to do at the moment, or.
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  Speaker 1: Finding a partner, undermining who we are right now. Respecting
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  Speaker 1: who you are in this moment must take precedence over
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  Speaker 1: what you're striving to become. When we're too focused on
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  Speaker 1: the future, we miss the empowerment that comes from the
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  Speaker 1: choices and actions that we take today. So living fully
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  Speaker 1: now isn't just about mindfulness. And we've all heard of
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  Speaker 1: mindfulness and there's so much science behind it now, but
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  Speaker 1: it's also about honoring the value and the dignity of
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  Speaker 1: your current self while still holding that space for growth
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  Speaker 1: and aspiration. So as you do reflect on the year
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  Speaker 1: that's passed and then look ahead to twenty twenty five
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  Speaker 1: to set your goals, set your intentions, I encourage you
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  Speaker 1: to embrace this dual mindset. So set those goals, yes,
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  Speaker 1: but don't let them overshadow the importance of being present
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  Speaker 1: and accepting your self as you are. You know, this
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  Speaker 1: balance between striving and accepting is what empowers us to
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  Speaker 1: live a rich and full life. And in the book,
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  Speaker 1: Agawa references a nineteen ninety eight Japanese film called After
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  Speaker 1: Life and I really love this concept and wanted to
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  Speaker 1: share it with you. So in the movie, people have
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  Speaker 1: passed away and they arrive at an office where there's
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  Speaker 1: this case worker, and the case worker asks them to
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  Speaker 1: choose one single meaningful life moment, and this moment is
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  Speaker 1: then recreated on film, and then they get to carry
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  Speaker 1: that memory into eternity. And alternatively, they can opt to
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  Speaker 1: raise all memories, losing both the joy and the pain
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  Speaker 1: that came with their lives. So at first, many of
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  Speaker 1: the deceased recall moments of excitement or pleasure, or of
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  Speaker 1: course they went into that negative bias of all the
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  Speaker 1: things that went in their life. But as they reflected
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: more deeply, the memories that they chose were often the
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  Speaker 1: simplest yet most meaningful. So for example, a warm hug
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  Speaker 1: between a mother and a child, giving away a daughter
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  Speaker 1: at a wedding, or a quiet conversation on a park bench.
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  Speaker 1: So think about it, what moment in your life would
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  Speaker 1: you choose to take with you. So when I reflected
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  Speaker 1: on this, a memory popped into my head, and it
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  Speaker 1: was my mother and I laughing together in the kitchen
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  Speaker 1: when I was a teenager. And I have like this
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  Speaker 1: beautiful visual memory of this, we laughed so hard that
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  Speaker 1: we actually cried, and I don't even remember what we
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  Speaker 1: were laughing about, but that connection that we shared in
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  Speaker 1: that moment, it just has stayed with me forever. And
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  Speaker 1: another cherish memory that I have is walking with my
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  Speaker 1: son so Oscar during that challenging period when he wasn't well.
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  Speaker 2: We would go for a lot of walks.
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  Speaker 1: And we would talk and it was these moments of connection,
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  Speaker 1: and they are certainly ones that I am going to
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  Speaker 1: cherish forever. So have a think about what moments you
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  Speaker 1: would choose, because you might find that they're not the
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  Speaker 1: big things, they're not the big successes. Maybe they are,
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  Speaker 1: but the real meaningful moments come with often the simplest
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  Speaker 1: of moments. And that's why it is so important that
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  Speaker 1: we do live in the here and now, because if
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  Speaker 1: we are constantly looking to the future or dwelling on
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  Speaker 1: the past, we can miss these beautiful moments that happen
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  Speaker 1: right in front of us. And these memories that were
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  Speaker 1: in the film and the memories that came up for me,
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  Speaker 1: they are a reminder of the important of living in
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  Speaker 1: the moment rather than living for the moment. So living
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  Speaker 1: for the moment often leads to more impulsive or reckless
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  Speaker 1: behavior that lacks that deeper meaning. It's almost like, oh,
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  Speaker 1: well tomorrow, it doesn't matter. But living in the moment
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  Speaker 1: allows us to be fully present, finding purpose and connection
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  Speaker 1: even in the most mundane stuff. So Agawa emphasizes that
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  Speaker 1: the past and the future do matter, and of course
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  Speaker 1: they do matter, but their meaning comes from the present.
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  Speaker 1: The past can lose its grip on us when we
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  Speaker 1: shift our perspective, and the future is built by the
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  Speaker 1: moments in the here and now. So, as Marita said,
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  Speaker 1: every day is a new day, and our control over
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  Speaker 1: how we live exists only right now. And to experience
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  Speaker 1: your own life force, which is what Marita referred to
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  Speaker 1: as that say no you, Cobol invite you to pause
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  Speaker 1: for a moment. So stand tall with your arms by
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  Speaker 1: your sides, palms facing out, and feet hip with the part.
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  Speaker 1: This is tanasana or mountain pose in yoga. It's one
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  Speaker 1: of my favorite poses. And just notice your breath. Notice
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  Speaker 1: the cool inhale and the warm exhale. Now notice your
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  Speaker 1: heart beating. Your heartbeat is a reminder that you are
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  Speaker 1: alive and grounded in the present moment. This is tapping
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  Speaker 1: into your life energy, and your breath is the best
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  Speaker 1: way to tap into this because it's always there. We
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  Speaker 1: have these monkey minds that are going here, there and everywhere,
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  Speaker 1: but our breath is always steady, it's consistent, and it's reliable.
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  Speaker 1: All you have to do is just notice it, and
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  Speaker 1: that is a way we can then ground ourselves into
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  Speaker 1: the present moment. So doctor Ogawa writes, we are not
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  Speaker 1: meant to be demure wallflowers waiting only for sunrise moments
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  Speaker 1: to choreograph our life spirit. So this new year sets
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  Speaker 1: your intentions and goals, but balance them with living fully
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  Speaker 1: in each moment, because that's where life truly happens. So
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  Speaker 1: I wish you all a happy new year everyone, and
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  Speaker 1: I will catch you in twenty twenty five.
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  Speaker 2: See you