Latest / Attention Copilot with Pranab / Toby Sola: How Can Meditation Make Us More Effective?
Transcript
- 0:00I'm here with Toby Sola, founder of the Brightmind app, longtime student of Shinzen Young, and recently thinking and talking a lot about the role of meditation and responsibility, ~
- 0:14practicality of meditation practice, and lots of other things that we're gonna dive into.
- 0:20So Toby, welcome.
- 0:22hi, Pranab.
- 0:23Really excited to be here.
- 0:24I'm excited for a conversation.
- 0:26Yeah.
- 0:26So ~ a few of the things that when I reach out to you, the initial idea was to talk about and understand how Shin Zhen Young, ~ famous meditation teacher, has influenced many of
- 0:36us, especially you, has said that I think in a YouTube video, ~ even after decades of meditation practice, ~ procrastination was still something he struggled with and that he
- 0:48needed to work on, ~ needed to have therapy to sort of sufficiently work through it.
- 0:53so we'll get into that.
- 0:54~ but I'm curious how you view sort of ~ meditation.
- 1:00And the title of a lecture you did recently is Meditation is unnecessary and insufficient.
- 1:06So I I'd love for you to just riff on that idea.
- 1:09Yeah, yeah, exactly.
- 1:10Right.
- 1:10It's like it's it's it's
- 1:11it's like crazy for for for meditators ~ and for people interested in the benefits.
- 1:17So would love if you could just talk about that.
- 1:19~ and eventually
- 1:19we can get into Shinzen stuff.
- 1:21Sounds good.
- 1:22So yeah, I recently offered a a week long retreat and I gave a series of lectures which was a really fun exercise, creative exercise in fleshing out some of these ideas.
- 1:33~ I'll try to summarize what I went over in those lectures as succinctly as I can.
- 1:41That first lecture meditation is unnecessary and insufficient.
- 1:45~
- 1:47It starts with kind of framing the discussion, which is
- 1:52There's a lot of ways of talking about meditation.
- 1:54For example, the modern secular mindfulness movement is very much interested.
- 1:58It frames it as stress reduction, right?
- 2:00MBSR, etc.
- 2:03Another way of framing it is that's common these days is the Jhana movement and framing meditation as ecstatic states.
- 2:10~ so there are various movements that we see in the world, different emphases, way of framing meditation.
- 2:18And one of my main
- 2:21Goals right now is to set up a framework that the North Star, the real frame of the practice, is to develop a feedback loop between your practice and your ability to be
- 2:34effective in the world.
- 2:35So that the deeper your meditation practice becomes, the more effective you are in the world.
- 2:40And the more effective you are in the world, the deeper your meditation practice becomes.
- 2:43So it's mutually supportive, mutually beneficial feedback loop.
- 2:46And that's the North Star that we aim towards.
- 2:50All of the practical theoretical decisions and ways of doing things are really just in service of that North Star.
- 2:56So it's a it's an orientation.
- 2:58Importantly, I don't think I disagree with anything fundamental that other meditation camps are saying.
- 3:05Like, I think if I were to listen to a teacher that was talking about the Jhanas I would agree with everything they say.
- 3:11If I were to listen to a lecture from John Cabot Zinn,
- 3:15The founder of MBSR, I would agree with everything they say.
- 3:18And I think that they would probably agree with everything I say.
- 3:20So really all I'm pointing to, at least the way I see it, is we're emphasizing stuff differently, which I think that's important to understand.
- 3:28Like there's a bunch of truths, and I'm choosing to emphasize one truth over some other truths for various reasons.
- 3:36So that's the context.
- 3:39And so where I get to the fiery title for this talk is.
- 3:47Basically starting out with kind of a make clear what I'm not saying.
- 3:54So
- 3:57What I am saying is you can create a feedback loop between meditation and responsibility.
- 4:07What I'm not saying is that it always happens, or that you need meditation in order to be effective, or that you need to be effective in order to be good at meditation.
- 4:23So there's like a few different like corollaries logically of stuff that I want to make clear that I'm not saying.
- 4:30And the reason is like think about it for a moment.
- 4:34There are lots of yogi yogis who are incredibly ineffective in the world.
- 4:38What that means is meditation by itself doesn't necessarily lead to effectiveness.
- 4:45There are also a lot of incredibly powerful people who are not awakened.
- 4:54So what that means is you don't necessarily need meditation to be effective, which I think a lot of meditators need to hear.
- 5:00Like there are other ways up this mountain of being effective in the world.
- 5:03It's not all about calming your mind or whatever.
- 5:06So it's important to understand that what I'm really excited about is not a given and it's not necessary, it's not sufficient.
- 5:18but it's possible.
- 5:21So this really great thing is possible.
- 5:23The only thing that I'm asserting is that it's possible, not that it's necess not that it's necessary or that it's even sufficient.
- 5:30Does that make sense as a starting point?
- 5:32Yeah.
- 5:33Mm-hmm.
- 5:35hearing that, what makes it important or even useful at all to think about meditation as ~ increasing or altering our ability to be capable of doing things in the
- 5:48Great question.
- 5:53I think it, if set up skillfully, it is an incredibly effective and optimal way to work.
- 6:03Talk to a lot of meditators and ask them, you know, how helpful has your practice been in your relationships?
- 6:11And some some of them will say it's been extremely helpful.
- 6:14Like so I'll just start giving some examples.
- 6:17Maybe that is a good way to bring it down to earth.
- 6:19Like
- 6:21For example, you can use concentration that you develop in meditation to focus on sounds in your environment, right?
- 6:31It's a basic focus strategy.
- 6:34You can then use that when you're having a conversation with someone to focus on the sound of their voice as an object of meditation.
- 6:42So while the other person's talking, you're highly focused, which is inherently pleasant and relaxing and calming, and you could say joyous.
- 6:52And you also you don't miss anything they say because you're highly focused on every single word, but each one even when every word begins and ends, ~ lot of clarity there.
- 7:03So you could see how this simple practice, you know, when they're done talking and it's your turn to respond, practically speaking, you've haven't missed anything they've said.
- 7:16You're hyper aware of the meaning, the content of what they're talking about.
- 7:22And because you've been highly focused, you're really like relaxed and present.
- 7:27And so energetically you're coming from a really nice place.
- 7:30And so this simple strategy can greatly increase the skillfulness the skillfulness with which we respond during conversations.
- 7:41So that's just one example.
- 7:42There are a million examples that we could get into.
- 7:46~ and there's some frameworks that I could present too that are that attempt to be comprehensive, but
- 7:51~ the the reason to be excited about it is the the potential is great.
- 7:56The sky is the limit in terms of how how meditation can help you be more effective.
- 8:02The sky is really the limit.
- 8:03This is a very awesome way to work.
- 8:06It's just ~
- 8:10it it can sometimes be hard to set up this feedback and you need to do it skillfully, you need to do it healthily, and there are dead ends that you can run into.
- 8:19Yeah, I love to get into those loops.
- 8:21before we do that, just to reflect back, I think how that lands for me is oftentimes I think meditation is one of the few sort of categories of things where you actually can
- 8:32tractably increase skills in a certain way.
- 8:35I think a lot of other ways to be effective or sort of boil down to just do it, and there's not much of a progression or much of a sort of ~
- 8:45Certain thing.
- 8:45And there are, but the thing I like a lot about meditation is that there are sort of paths to actually like
- 8:51notice your skills getting built over time.
- 8:55and I think back in the mid 2010s when I was getting into meditation, thinking to Tim Ferris and sort of the popularization of mindfulness, ~ sort of in the productivity space
- 9:05and all that, ~ it was pretty obvious that like a little bit of meditation really does help.
- 9:09But there's something where like think getting into the deep end of practice where
- 9:13Once I realized there was a deep end, you know, we're talking about things like awakening, Jhanas all this sort of cool stuff.
- 9:18Weirdly, this sort of like quote unquote practical benefit kind of falters.
- 9:23And in some ways, people sort of de-emphasize practicality there because of getting into the
- 9:28deep end stuff.
- 9:29There's sort of an it's actually important in some ways to de-emphasize practicality.
- 9:32So I'd be curious if could talk about that.
- 9:34And I just want to we'll we'll do that and then we'll get into some of those loops that are really important on how to increase practice.
- 9:39that's a really great question.
- 9:47I think ultimately what I'm proposing is you don't ever really de-emphasize the practicality or the way in which even a deep practice influences how you show up in the
- 10:03world.
- 10:04Now, that's not to say that.
- 10:09Part of the way I think about the path is that there can be seasons in the path.
- 10:14So you very well, it may be appropriate for someone to spend several years even in a monastery, not really interacting with the world very much.
- 10:23That still fits within my paradigm, right?
- 10:24There can be seasons of practice where you're focused on transcendence or the deep end of the path.
- 10:33But ultimately, if you back up and zoom out and look at your whole life, there is.
- 10:38An integration happening.
- 10:40~ ultimately, that depth is in service of meeting the world and interacting with the world and positively impacting the world.
- 10:51And so that you trust yourself and you have you are because being a positive force in the world isn't just an end of itself.
- 11:03And this is kind of part of where I'm going.
- 11:04Being a positive force in the world is going to then fuel your awakening.
- 11:09Right.
- 11:09It's not that that goes back into it because there's a deep sense of trust in your mind, in your integrity.
- 11:17And then when you go to meditate, you can actually let go of the mind.
- 11:22Which I think, if you're not engaged in the world, at least periodically, it becomes very hard to let go of the mind because you don't trust yourself at a deep level.
- 11:33And so there's that.
- 11:36The other thing I would say is.
- 11:42You know, what I described with that example of focusing on what the other person is saying and the sound of their voice, that's a relatively simple surface-level description
- 11:53of how meditation can help you be more effective.
- 11:56But there are much more subtle and profound ways that the deep end of practice starts allowing you to be more effective.
- 12:03For example, ~
- 12:07Spontaneity is a flavor that's very common in the deep end of practice where thoughts, actions, speech begin to arise spontaneously, and plug that into a leader who needs to
- 12:20give public talks or someone who's doing creative work to solve creative problems in the real world of housing or education or whatever, and you start to get really helpful
- 12:35improvements.
- 12:36And so there are
- 12:41The deep end of the practice
- 12:45expresses itself in s in subtle ways, but you could even argue more powerful ways in the productivity space, but not a lot of people are talking about that, you know.
- 12:58As yeah.
- 12:59like that's really sort of the thing I think I'm ~ quite intellectually, personally, and sort of ~ in a service-oriented lens, just deeply interested in.
- 13:09~ I think over the last several years we've had a deepening of awareness of the deep end of practice.
- 13:15You have Dr.
- 13:17Matthew Saket's lab at Harvard, Sarah Lazarus' lab at Harvard, like a bunch of people in the consciousness study space talking about cessation and jhana and awakening and
- 13:27~ that's just becoming stuff you can talk about now, you know.
- 13:31And there's there are papers and institutions that show credibility there.
- 13:35~ and I think, you know, in some ways this is a bit more boring than all that fun stuff, but in some ways just more, much more practical and applicable.
- 13:44And I really liked your emphasis of self-trust and integrity with all that.
- 13:49yeah, that I mean, I think you could make the argument that it it's more interesting because cessation, no self, transcendence.
- 13:56~ I mean, at least to someone who's inexperienced with the space, it just sounds kind of weird and dead and dry.
- 14:08Whereas being able to integrate that into like the joy of human connection and the impact of
- 14:18Creativity in your work.
- 14:20~ in a way it's more interesting because it's that it's the manifestation of the insight.
- 14:27Like insights are kind of by definition archetypal and transcendent.
- 14:32Whereas if you can chan if you can if you can maintain contact with an insight while doing stuff in the world, it's like it's like the flower is blossoming.
- 14:42It's like it's not just the insight is actually connected and expressing itself.
- 14:48Yeah, I love that.
- 14:50I would love for you to get into some of those loops.
- 14:52So ~ that's something you bring up in that lecture series of like loops to set up to actually make meditation something that can make you more effective and responsible.
- 15:02~ assuming that one has a practice and it's sort of a thing that's already there.
- 15:06Yeah, so it's a little hard to do only with audio.
- 15:10Like there's a there's a table of happiness elements that Shinzen is known for.
- 15:17Maybe we could include that in the sh a link to it in the show notes or something.
- 15:20~ Okay, great.
- 15:23partially describe it.
- 15:24maybe in the video I could probably put a little thing
- 15:27Okay, cool.
- 15:28~ and is your podcast only YouTube or is it also on podcast players?
- 15:35Also players.
- 15:36Okay, all right.
- 15:37So Shinzen Young, who's my main influence, my main teacher, is wonderful.
- 15:44And one of the things he's well known for is being very comprehensive in the way that he teaches.
- 15:49~ he kind of tries to show students the options and lets them choose their path as opposed to giving us a specific technique.
- 16:02It's like, here are the different ways to meditate and to think about this path and
- 16:06It's up to you to decide how how you really want to manifest that.
- 16:10So instead of just saying that, you know, meditation is about achieving enlightenment, Shin Zhen has this awesome like twenty, I guess it's five by four.
- 16:24Yeah.
- 16:24So it's twenty box grid of what he calls the happiness elements.
- 16:30And so this is why you meditate.
- 16:33Yeah, do you wanna like maybe just read off some of the boxes or describe what you're seeing?
- 16:37Yeah, so on the top it's five categories, and there are four levels for each category.
- 16:42So the five categories are relief, fulfillment, insight, mastery, service.
- 16:49And going into those, relief is minify minimizing suffering, fulfillment is maximizing satisfaction, insight is understanding yourself, mastery is acting skillfully, and service
- 17:01is serving from love.
- 17:03And in the notes you sent me, you sort of boxed
- 17:05relief fulfillment insight levels three and four.
- 17:09Yeah, so I mean well let's put a pin in that box.
- 17:14I can come back to that the the way that I separate that out.
- 17:17But the basic idea is this table is attempting to be more comprehensive in terms of what people really mean when they say the goal of this path or enlightenment.
- 17:29And it it includes everything from you understand yourself as primordial perfection, something like you know, that sounds a lot like what a lot of people associate with the
- 17:39Word enlightened, but but it also includes things like you are able to eliminate undesirable objective situations in your life.
- 17:47And you are able to have desirable objective situations in your life.
- 17:51So it's a very holistic conception of what the the pat what this path can lead to.
- 17:57To be clear, Shinzhen nor I are subscribing to magical thinking in this regard.
- 18:05It's not like we're
- 18:07Saying that if you believe it, it will come true.
- 18:09This is way more loose and broad, like basically the law of the law of karma that we've all seen in our lives.
- 18:14That if you in general, most people most of the time, if you have really good intentions and you do good work, it c it tends to come back to you.
- 18:22And of course there are structural issues in society.
- 18:26~ I'm not we're not trying to say that that doesn't exist, but we're we're pointing at a truth, something that does seem to happen, right?
- 18:33but it also includes stuff like
- 18:35Performance skills like like sports skills, ~ useful skills that you can use for your job.
- 18:41~ deriving deep fulfillment from subtle service, which is like positively influencing others by vibe and example.
- 18:50Like that's kind of that's interesting, you know.
- 18:51That's kind of related to what we were talking about before about this isn't just about being calm and being more creative.
- 18:57It's like you can positively influence people by your vibe.
- 19:01so yeah, I don't want to get too nitty gritty, but
- 19:05I think the important part is we're just there's this cool table of 20 different elements, which breaks out all of the different it does a really comprehensive good job at breaking
- 19:17out all of the different ways that meditation can impact your life.
- 19:20And so taking that and bringing in my idea of awakening and responsibility and kind of creating loops between these two things, you can basically
- 19:35make loops between any of the boxes.
- 19:37So you can take, okay, I understand myself as primordial perfection.
- 19:43And you can tie that to you are able to eliminate undesirable objective situations.
- 19:51And you can that can be a theme of your practice.
- 19:54So how does my insight into the fact that I'm primordial perfection allow me to achieve the elimination of undesirable objective situations?
- 20:04And vice versa.
- 20:05Maybe that's not the best example, but you get the idea.
- 20:07You can tie boxes together with with loops.
- 20:10~
- 20:11I'm curious about getting more into the loop exactly.
- 20:14So, so on that
- 20:15example, or maybe a different even other example, so it sounds like a loop is basically taking two aspects that may seem dissimilar, but are actually just happening somewhat in
- 20:24parallel and tying them together and sort of creating a way in which they're emphasized and ~ sort of more related than they may would be otherwise.
- 20:35~ how does that seem right?
- 20:37And what does that actually look like?
- 20:38And what makes it so that doesn't
- 20:40often happen on its own spontaneously.
- 20:43question.
- 20:44So maybe let's pick another example to flesh it out a little bit.
- 20:47~
- 20:51So one box in the table is you understand yourself as a sensory system.
- 20:57Which is an insight that a lot of meditators achieve, especially if you're doing like noting style practice.
- 21:02There is an insight where you realize that the entirety of experience is made up of some combination of mental image, mental talk, emotional body sensation, and the exterior
- 21:16senses of like sight, sound, and physical body sensation.
- 21:19And you know, this is a version of no-self where it's like there isn't really some kind of
- 21:26permanent self, although I could I could lecture about that for a half an hour, but let's put a pin in that for a second.
- 21:34Most of or one way to conceive of experience is as is just a it's just a combination of those six elements, of these six sensory experiences that are happening.
- 21:45You can track it all in real time.
- 21:48Right?
- 21:48That's an insight.
- 21:49And then let's say you have a character skill that you're working on, like procrastination.
- 21:56Let's bring in procrastination.
- 21:58Okay.
- 21:58So working on procrastination would fit into the following box.
- 22:02You attain character skills.
- 22:04That's how Shenzhen would would classify procrastination.
- 22:06These are yeah, there it's it's a character skill that you can work on.
- 22:11So
- 22:16One experience of procrastination is you know you need to do something, but you don't want to do it.
- 22:24you can in the moment implement a meditation technique and that emphasizes this insight of understanding yourself as a sensory system.
- 22:40So that instead of experiencing I really don't want to do that, you break it up into what what am I experiencing that's mental images, my imagination, what talk am I hearing in my
- 22:58mind, met mental dialogue, and what am I feeling in the body?
- 23:03A lot of people aren't aware of the ways in which it's not always affecting the body, but a lot of people aren't aware that ~
- 23:12something like procrastination absolutely or often exists in the body and like Shinzhen describes it as like
- 23:19your body's.
- 23:20I I'm gonna be, I'm gonna take some agency here in terms of how he describes it, but it's something like your body's like kind of covered in a molasses and it's like kind of hard
- 23:29to move.
- 23:31You know, there's some kind of it seems as though there's something physically blocking your body.
- 23:36Or that's something that some people report.
- 23:38So importantly, procrastination exists in the body as some kind of felt sensation.
- 23:43~ and you could imagine.
- 23:47If you implement a mindfulness technique that allows you to see those parts as parts and distinguish them, it becomes a lot more manageable.
- 23:58The experience
- 23:59of procrastination becomes simply, ~ I'm experiencing a mental image of this.
- 24:06I experience some mental talk that is jabbering away about this, and it begins and ends, and it seems to be up in my head.
- 24:13And then I have this like kind of icky feeling in the body.
- 24:17That's it.
- 24:18There isn't some kind of like divine abstract thing that's preventing me from doing something.
- 24:24I'm experiencing sensory experiences, but I have a lot more agency and I'm all this is a lot more manageable.
- 24:33And so you're able to
- 24:37decrease the impact that that has on your decision and you're able to just do what you need to do.
- 24:44You're able to overcome the procrastination
- 24:50More easily.
- 24:51And so, and then okay, we'll just complete the loop here.
- 24:56Let's say you're able to get done what you're able to get done, which means you actually have some free time in the evening, and therefore you can meditate more.
- 25:04You have 20 minutes free in the evening because you got done what you needed to get done.
- 25:08And so your ability to be effective in the world in this case is then supporting your awakening practice.
- 25:17And here there's the loop.
- 25:18We just did a full loop.
- 25:19We did a walk around the f the full block.
- 25:21that's the that's the loop.
- 25:22It's like great, you
- 25:24you're applying it.
- 25:24And then the loop aspect is that then with that extra benefit, whether it's more time or maybe less stress, there's less like self-negative self-talk that sort of, you know, then
- 25:35reverberates into more challenging mind states in the future.
- 25:37Instead you have more positive mind states.
- 25:40You can cultivate more mind states that then sort of lead to more virtuous cycles.
- 25:43So it's this idea
- 25:44of how to build virtuous cycles and how they all sort of fit in together.
- 25:48Yeah, and making sure to making sure to tie them together because it takes some intention.
- 25:54So this is, I think, to answer your question directly, what I just described is kind of subtle and you might need to be coached through it.
- 26:05Yes.
- 26:05And that's that's why this doesn't always happen.
- 26:09Right?
- 26:09Like a lot of people meditate, but they don't know how to apply it to their procrastination, and they certainly don't know how to
- 26:18let the pride and joy that comes from these character changes, you know, fuel a meditation practice.
- 26:24These are subtle things that h need to be pointed out, working with a coach or something.
- 26:29~ so
- 26:34It doesn't always happen because it's subtle and you need to be coached on specific strategies.
- 26:40And even just bringing the intention of I I think having the intention of creating these loops and noticing these loops and appreciating these loops is motivating and helpful.
- 26:53Mm-hmm.
- 26:53a lot.
- 26:53I think there's an interesting thing where for some people this may happen spontaneously.
- 26:57They may just for whatever reason actually just do
- 27:00it and they sort of say, I spontaneously happened.
- 27:03And then for many others, for reasons of conditioning, for reasons of whatever it is, ~ it may just not happen as readily.
- 27:11So it's helpful to sort of point out these aspects and show that this is actually trainable, coachable, teachable.
- 27:17Like there's actually ways to really get in.
- 27:19It's just in some ways I just see it as just better pedagogy of getting really into
- 27:23the details of
- 27:24Yeah, exactly.
- 27:25Yeah, it definitely
- 27:27happens spontaneously sometimes.
- 27:29And for most people it's helpful to have some framework for what we're doing here, you know.
- 27:35Yeah.
- 27:36I'm curious to see or hear how ~ to me this feels it's it's like it's all deeply part of like integration, liberate.
- 27:46You know, some traditions call it liberation practice, other people call it ~ showing up or sort of cleaning up practice in a way.
- 27:52So, but it's really sort of this aspect of bringing practice and bringing the skills of meditation to more things in life, ~ to more sort of situations.
- 28:02But I really like the the use of that term character skill where it's ~ it's a thing where, you know, we're all sort of give you know, based on roll of the dice or life
- 28:11circumstances, we all have just various ~ skills, thinking of it as a video game maybe in in these different areas.
- 28:17~ but it's cool to see that certain areas can be improved upon or sort of altered based on the way practice goes.
- 28:24Yeah, a hundred percent.
- 28:26~
- 28:30Yeah, and I think I yeah, I'm not I'm not sure where else to go with that.
- 28:34I just agree.
- 28:35Yeah,
- 28:35nice.
- 28:36Sweet.
- 28:36So I'm curious if you're open kind of doing a little bit of a branch, ~ just into Shenzhen Young's experience ~ of procrastination.
- 28:42And I'll
- 28:44preface by ~ so so I think I really enjoyed that description of procrastination as sort of feeling into the body sensations, you know, maybe it feels like molasses and that you once
- 28:53it's broken down into this various subcomponents, one can realize, I thought it was this whole thing that I'm a bad person, what's going on?
- 29:00It actually that's just th that separation can reduce the weight of it and make it
- 29:05Less challenging and eventually you can kind of do a thing, ~ work and actually get the thing done.
- 29:10One thing that I've noticed as well is procrastination can actually be a lot of different things.
- 29:14So there's like wanting to do a thing and then not doing it.
- 29:20There's sort of the external aspect of commitment of like, I committed to doing this thing, even though I didn't really want to, or maybe, you know, there's various, and then
- 29:28there's maybe like, do I actually even want to do a thing?
- 29:31But I should, but actually I
- 29:32I don't actually just want to do it.
- 29:33I'm just choosing to not do this.
- 29:35~ and there's various th there may be more that all could be sort of discussed as this pro procrastination.
- 29:41~ that's sort of my understanding.
- 29:43I'd be curious on sort of your ex with your experience of Chin Zen Young, his experience of procrastination and how he related to it and how it changed over the years.
- 29:51Yeah, so I've heard him talk publicly about his experience.
- 29:56So everything I say here is is basically I've just heard him talk publicly.
- 30:01I don't have any an an inside scoop, as they say.
- 30:05but as you say, you know, he's a very well respected meditation teacher who spent decades practicing.
- 30:12And still he was struggling a lot with procrastination.
- 30:15And so
- 30:16He worked with a psychiatrist that I believe was trained in cognitive behavioral therapy.
- 30:23And so he used that approach specifically.
- 30:25~ and I think something about, I would imagine something about, you know, the rapport and you know, going and meeting with a psychiatrist in person regularly, some something about
- 30:37like the social accountability was also probably helpful for him.
- 30:39~ but even as a very deep practitioner.
- 30:46He still needed the support of a therapist working with cognitive behavioral therapy, which, you know, cognitive behavioral therapy certainly has a meditative component in that
- 30:58you're recognizing thoughts and feelings as distinct entities almost.
- 31:06~ but ~ whatever.
- 31:10It's it's it's this established approach in in modern therapy.
- 31:13And
- 31:14Only through that was he able to
- 31:19at least somewhat get a h get the get a handle on this character trait.
- 31:25But it didn't solve all the problems.
- 31:27Like I know that even since then, like he met with a therapist dec probably like twenty years ago.
- 31:32~ since then he's still struggled.
- 31:35So it wasn't even ~ a clear and total solution.
- 31:43It's an ongoing struggle for him.
- 31:45~
- 31:49So I think maybe what this gets to is
- 31:57It's one thing to understand that you can develop loops between your awakening practice and your ability to be effective in the world, which we've been talking about.
- 32:10~ as I was saying just now, there are a lot of dead ends and it can be tricky to set up these loops.
- 32:22And so the question becomes: what kind of support do we need in order to set up healthy loops that work?
- 32:30And in this example of Shinzhen, he needed the support of a CBT therapist.
- 32:37So I think this opens up an interesting question, which is realistically, for most people, you need other forms of support and other systems to be in place.
- 32:52in order for these loops to grow healthily.
- 32:55The way I another way to put it is that
- 33:00I don't think in most cases you can rely on meditation instruction alone in order to set up these loops.
- 33:11They're it's too subtle, it's too complicated, it's too easy to make mistakes.
- 33:15So we need other modalities.
- 33:18Therapy is probably one of the best modalities ~ that can complement a meditation practice and make it increase the chances that you'll be able to establish these loops.
- 33:28But there are a lot of other
- 33:32modalities or or ways of working.
- 33:34And this is part of what I go into.
- 33:36I give a long list in this in this lecture series that I went to, I kind of talked about a long list of other practices, modalities that are that help us establish these loops
- 33:48healthily.
- 33:49I'll just talk about a few examples.
- 33:51One example is like giving and receiving feedback just among peers and colleagues.
- 33:56Like this is a practice that
- 33:59Is I think probably the most helpful or one of the mo most helpful things you can do to help you set up all these loops.
- 34:08it's so hard to see clearly within your own mind, and giving and receiving feedback with other people is just a way to tap the collective ~ intelligence of your community.
- 34:19And another example is ~
- 34:30The Serenity Prayer, I think, is another really good example.
- 34:32It's not necessarily a modality, it's just a a framework that you can keep in mind.
- 34:36It's a question that you can ask yourself.
- 34:38As you may or may not know, the serenity prayer is like it's very popular in in AA communities, alcoholic anonymous communities, but like may I have the courage to change
- 34:48the things that I can and the openness to let things be that I can't change and the wisdom to know the difference.
- 34:56So, like that leads to if you're if you're in a situation, ask yourself what elements of the situation can I change and what elements can I not change?
- 35:04Okay, that's very helpful.
- 35:07For the stuff that I can't change, the only tool I have is meditation.
- 35:10The only tool I have is transcendence.
- 35:13So that's good to know.
- 35:14I'm not gonna waste
- 35:15energy trying to change something I I can't change.
- 35:18For the stuff that you do you can change, you best not only be using meditation.
- 35:24You you you really should be thinking about this rationally, imaginatively, getting advice from mentors and doing stuff to objectively make the situation better.
- 35:35Right.
- 35:35So ~ yeah, those are just some examples of like additional angles that are necessary in order to get these loops to thrive.
- 35:46Yeah.
- 35:46And I think there's there's a whole thread there I want to dive into.
- 35:49~ and that sort of I think the word for that would just be discernment, or that's the word that sort of emerges that comes up
- 35:56as a big theme your talk.
- 35:58~ putting a bookmark just for a moment, I think that to reflect back on the Shinzen stuff, it seems like a thing that I'm taking away is the value of external structures in the
- 36:08sense like, ~ let's stop trying to do this by ourselves only.
- 36:13Like you know.
- 36:16Like the value of a, you know, meeting with someone and also sort of the value of what I'm hearing is norms, ~ community, ~ in some ways, structure, expectations, sort of ~ rules,
- 36:28like all that sort of stuff actually can be quite helpful and useful.
- 36:32Being in a community of people who give each give give each other feedback from a certain lens of frameworks and from a certain view seem to be seems to be really valuable and
- 36:40useful compared to just, you know, spending the equivalent time by yourself meditating in a room.
- 36:45Trying to figure it out yourself just reading books.
- 36:47While of course that's
- 36:48all valuable and that can be ~ bootstrapped to a lot, ~ it shows to me the value of just finding other people that sort of can support, ~ which then gets into the lack of how many
- 36:59of those exist.
- 37:00Like there aren't actually that many healthy organizations and structures that can support this, which is ~ quite sad, ~ but also helpful in the sense that maybe a hundred years
- 37:09from now, we can have many, many more of those that
- 37:13make it easier for people to do this training.
- 37:15And skill development.
- 37:16Yeah.
- 37:17~ t two things.
- 37:19One is Shin Zhen has a term for what you're describing.
- 37:25Or at least a more one one version of the thing that you're describing.
- 37:28He calls them behaviorally oriented accountability and support structures.
- 37:35Shin Zhen's such a nerd.
- 37:36~ I'll say that again.
- 37:38Behaviorally oriented accountability and support structures.
- 37:41So
- 37:44And he sees this as a as very, very helpful in the path, right?
- 37:48So you need structures that are behavi behaviorally oriented.
- 37:53This isn't about what you what your intentions were.
- 37:56This is let's it's where the rubber meets the road.
- 37:59How are you behaving?
- 38:01So there's no way to fake it, right?
- 38:04And it's accountability in that there's expectations, but this the structures also have to support you.
- 38:11Because
- 38:13Realistically, we can't do this alone, as you say.
- 38:18So ~ absolutely we need behaviorally oriented accountability and support structures.
- 38:25The other thing I would say is it is optimal or important if these structures
- 38:39Or are that these communities have meditation as a central theme, but it's not necessary.
- 38:47You can rely on your good old circle of friends that may or may not meditate to do at least some of this work.
- 38:56So it's also just a return to the simplicity of being engaged with your immediate community, regardless of how interested they are in meditation.
- 39:06~
- 39:07you can still do a lot of work, even with just your family and your friends.
- 39:12Because there really is a wisdom in crowds.
- 39:15And maybe to flesh that out a little bit more, like if one person gives you feedback about something, you don't necessarily know if it's helpful feedback or not.
- 39:24Because as we all know, people project a lot and it might be their own
- 39:30their own problem more than your problem.
- 39:32But one of the things when you get feedback from a variety of people, you can start to notice patterns.
- 39:38And that's really what we're interested in is a variety of people are giving me the same feedback.
- 39:45Therefore there probably is something there.
- 39:48That's a real data point.
- 39:49~ so the you don't need to be in contact with a sage or even a spiritual community.
- 39:56You can be in contact with the everyday person.
- 39:59Because you're because you're taking your relationships seriously, ~ many of them, ~ you'll still get truth because you'll be looking for patterns.
- 40:12You get sage like wisdom just by listening to a variety of people.
- 40:16I guess is kinda what I'm
- 40:17Yeah, that makes sense.
- 40:18And I this this sort of naturally segues into that bookmark of discernment and view.
- 40:24And I'm
- 40:24curious ~ how you sort of think about discernment in sort of the way that loops are and and just if you could talk more about the role of discernment and how to build that.
- 40:38Yeah, so we've been we've been circling this question of okay Toby, you can set up a loop, but how do you make sure to do that?
- 40:50How do you make sure to set up a loop correctly and healthily?
- 40:55Briefly, my answer to that is discernment.
- 40:59So this is a a somewhat distinct skill ~ that you can develop systematically.
- 41:06So
- 41:08You know, the dictionary definition of discernment is something like the ability to understand and perceive things that aren't obvious.
- 41:18And so the two important things there.
- 41:21One is there's an element of perception.
- 41:26So it's an ability to perceive very subtle phenomena, what is often subtle phenomena.
- 41:34So
- 41:35You know, if things are obviously wrong, most people can see that.
- 41:39Where discernment helps is if it's a little unclear how you should act, right?
- 41:46And then, yeah, the second piece of that definition, which I think is important, is ~ things that are not that are things that are not obvious.
- 41:54So if you can develop the ability to notice subtle information that helps you make
- 42:03calls when things aren't obvious.
- 42:06That's one way to define what you need in order to set up these loops because
- 42:16That's where a lot of the personal development goes awry, is you know, it seems like I really just need to do more meditation practice.
- 42:27And I really need to just figure this out in my own mind.
- 42:31That seems like a good direction.
- 42:33Let's just go do that.
- 42:34Whereas, in fact, if you were aware of subtle phenomena, you might notice, you know what I really need is to practice being in relationship with people.
- 42:44That's going to be a much more beneficial practice for me right now.
- 42:48So that's just an example of noticing something subtle.
- 42:52And if you can't notice that, then you're just gonna, you don't have discernment, you're just gonna land, your loop isn't gonna develop properly.
- 42:59So ~ so discernment, I propose, is kind of a crucial skill.
- 43:10And
- 43:14So one way to talk about this is so what are the practices, what are the frameworks that we can work on to systematically develop discernment so that it's not just random, so that
- 43:28we can really see our discernment building and growing and getting better.
- 43:34And that's kind of that whole list of practices that we we started exploring.
- 43:38So that's how I I think about the term discernment.
- 43:42I love that.
- 43:43And it it feels inclusive of both practical or sort of more mundane views of discernment of, you know, someone who's more senior than you at your job, or you sort of ~ let's say
- 43:54you're a software engineer.
- 43:55A senior software engineer tends to find things that can go wrong more than a junior software engineer.
- 44:00~ and
- 44:00you don't have to meditate to do that.
- 44:02That just comes from experience.
- 44:04And at the same time, what does it mean to build that experience?
- 44:08It's likely harder if you're sort of
- 44:11not open to new information, or if you're really sort of ~ rigid about the concepts in your head, or if you're sort of not actually listening to people in conversations and
- 44:22meditation training and all the stuff that we talked about so far could be really helpful for those things that then lead you to becoming better at acquiring skill and better at
- 44:30acquiring discernment in that sort of more mundane way.
- 44:33~
- 44:34and yeah.
- 44:36Yeah, no, exactly.
- 44:37And so you can already start to see how meditation and it's and how meditation increases like the resolution of your experience.
- 44:50helps you see more clearly, that is a really important part of discernment.
- 44:54So that yeah, there's a lot of interrelated skills here.
- 44:58And discernment is something that's really simple.
- 45:03It shows up, as you say, in software development.
- 45:07But it also is this profound, it can also be a profound like intuition almost.
- 45:13Yes.
- 45:13And that's where it sort of gets into more
- 45:15sensing into what needs to happen in a major decision where you don't have full information.
- 45:21Yes.
- 45:22And this is where I think ~ in my own experience and just from seeing sort of wise coaches or therapists or people that we typically see as as wise or, you know, sage like in our
- 45:33society, they tend to have a deep understanding of human psychology, emotions, the nature of things.
- 45:40And this seems to be where ~ meditation is extra helpful at being able to really understand and discern.
- 45:48Yeah, exactly.
- 45:49Yep.
- 45:50Yeah.
- 45:51Nice.
- 45:51Cool.
- 45:52Well, I'm curious about sort of ~ sort of rounding out the sort of loops and discernment idea.
- 45:57~ how do you typically close the lecture series of sort of creating a North Star between awakening practices and responsibility?
- 46:07~ and I'm curious sort of how ~ they can be fragile and how they can be more healthy.
- 46:18Well, I'm not can you I'm not sure what you're asking.
- 46:21Can you ask it in a different way?
- 46:23So so I I think I want to emphasize ~ the fragility versus health aspect of this.
- 46:27It sounds like there's ways to set
- 46:29up these loops and sort of build discernment in a more robust way.
- 46:32And there are ways to do it that maybe not as ~ standing up to cruft, ~ standing up to to to to spec over time.
- 46:42Yeah, I mean
- 46:46The
- 46:49My answer to how do you do that is the best answer that I have right now is a long list of practices.
- 47:00And maybe that is the best answer.
- 47:02And I could list some of them out, but I think that's kind of where
- 47:10I think some of these ideas are somewhat nascent.
- 47:12~ I'm interested in developing some kind of framework or some kind of conceptual diagram so that I can give a simple answer to that question.
- 47:25Because right now all I have is like here's 20 things you can do.
- 47:28~ so one way to answer your question is it's a it's an open question and I'm I'm still kind of figuring that out.
- 47:40Another way to answer your question is, you know, Buddhism has the eightfold path.
- 47:47I think that's one answer.
- 47:48~ so study and practice the eightfold path, which includes things like right view and right thought and right speech.
- 48:02Another answer is or another example of techniques is like I I teach a lot of what I call blurry meditation techniques.
- 48:10The reason I call them blurry is they blur the line between like
- 48:14your life and meditation, like for example, a decision-making meditation, where you are developing concentration and you're definitely meditating, but you're really unpacking and
- 48:24spending time with a decision and the content of that decision in your life.
- 48:29So there's a there's a whole variety of I would call blurry meditation techniques that really weave these two worlds together.
- 48:37mentorship is another thing that you can do.
- 48:39~
- 48:42So yeah, those are that those are my two answers, is is that like I'm working on it and right now I have a list
- 48:47of like twenty things.
- 48:48And I'm curious, like, I don't know, how might you structure an answer to that question?
- 48:55Or like how would you answer that question?
- 48:57How do you do this?
- 48:57Do you have any type of like conceptual framework or internal trick of the trade that you're using in your own life?
- 49:03it's I think it's something around reminding myself that this is important.
- 49:11Is just how strong the inertia of ignorance is.
- 49:15And I think in some ways that's what a lot of meditation fights against.
- 49:19So it's definitely not comprehensive, but I think ~ I'm struck by how important sort of
- 49:26keeping momentum on these emphases.
- 49:29Mm.
- 49:30a theme that's come up throughout the conversation is that, you know, there's a there's so many different truths.
- 49:33There's lots of ways to do it.
- 49:35And you would be doing
- 49:35it quote unquote right.
- 49:37And to actually sort of have it morph in this way where it you get these loops and sort of showing up to life and, you know, improving in responsibility does require a certain
- 49:47emphasis that requires a certain form of mindfulness or sort of re remembering.
- 49:51~ and that's just it's easy to sort of drift inside of, you know,
- 49:56move away from that in a very valid way.
- 49:59and
- 50:00it in some ways it's sort of choosing between various good options, which I think is harder than in sort of choosing between mindfulness where you're sort of mindful of
- 50:08something versus restless.
- 50:10It's like actually you could kind of emphasize a different way, but then realize later that, I actually kind of want to be more into life, it seems like.
- 50:19Yeah, that's a good point.
- 50:20~ that is a good point.
- 50:23I like that.
- 50:24That that and then that matches my experience.
- 50:27I think I'll I'll go I'll go I'll kind of coast for a bit and then you know some of my relationships will have tension and I just have to kind of like take a breath, remind
- 50:37myself like, okay, like I need to think of this as a training.
- 50:43I need to like
- 50:47Like how is my meditation practice gonna help me grow through this as opposed to just suffer through this?
- 50:54~
- 50:57Yeah, and it definitely is i yeah, it's a constant reminding.
- 51:02And and it's interesting because I think like it's it's ~ part of what makes me so interested about this is ~ seeing how ~ while like very much worth it, in some ways the
- 51:17deep end of practice and sort of getting a lot of these benefits can make life in some way a little bit more complicated.
- 51:23A little in a little bit of just like, I could kind of go in this direction or could go in the direction,
- 51:28could go in the direction of my own.
- 51:30Deepening and awakening and understanding these things.
- 51:32I
- 51:32could go in the direction of showing up in these relationships or sort of doing this thing.
- 51:37I I think it's almost like this is maybe more of this is more exploratory, but you know, like I think there's often the famous there's the there's a saying of happiness
- 51:47independent of conditions.
- 51:50and you know, and there's which is which is there's and there's clearly a truth there ~ that Shenzhen talks about and sort of ~ really gets into.
- 51:58Yes, yes.
- 52:00And I'm I I'm hearing how in some ways it's like, well, aren't all these relationships and mentoring and therapy aren't those all conditions?
- 52:09~ and I'm curious if you could ~ I think there's a sort of a sort of there's maybe a trap in that view that yeah, I would love for you to talk.
- 52:15a great, great point.
- 52:17So
- 52:20Personally, I think Xin Zen and many meditation teachers, in a way, this is kind of the main point that I'm making.
- 52:28~ they overemphasize happiness independent of conditions in a way that's not practically helpful for most students.
- 52:38It's inspiring to hear about it, it is true, it can be achieved, it works.
- 52:45But practically speaking, for most people,
- 52:48~ it can i when it's overemphasized it can lead to confusion and suffering.
- 52:52So and especially with Shinzen, it's interesting because, you know, he's the one that maps out the periodic table of happiness.
- 53:00~ which is really impressive.
- 53:04I mean, I think it's it's by far the most comprehensive mapping of the goal of the meditative path that I've ever encountered.
- 53:13~
- 53:15So he gets it, at least on one level, Shinzen absolutely gets that happiness independent of condition is not the whole shebang.
- 53:23But still in in com in just in terms of emphasis, like I've been saying, in a lot of his Dharma talks and a lot of his interviews, he's just, you know, often hammering away at the
- 53:33importance of happiness independent of conditions.
- 53:35And I'm I'm painting in a pretty broad brush and ~
- 53:41My point isn't to well, whatever, you get what I'm saying.
- 53:45Mm-hmm.
- 53:49Yeah, I I mean I I ultimately think happiness independent of conditions, that goal is only helpful within the context of a larger framework that recognizes the importance of
- 54:02conditions.
- 54:04It has to be part
- 54:05of that larger holistic framework.
- 54:08And
- 54:10that's not to diminish happiness independent of conditions.
- 54:13Like again, I'm trying to accelerate that.
- 54:17Like I think that's part of what is kind of tricky about what I'm suggesting.
- 54:21Like if you pay attention to conditions, you will transcend conditions more.
- 54:28This isn't a zero game zero sum game.
- 54:33Right?
- 54:34If you if you
- 54:35invest in your relationships, you will be supported in such a way that you will awaken more.
- 54:41You know?
- 54:42And that's somewhat somewhat seen in traditional monasteries where
- 54:47the Sangha and the community is a very important part of practice and the way in which people support each other emotionally, physically, relationally.
- 54:56~ that really does play an important role in some traditional settings.
- 55:02So there's even, you know, traditional precedent for what I'm pointing to.
- 55:05~ yeah.
- 55:08Yeah.
- 55:08And I think an interesting thing is, this is my interpretation as well, ~ and in response to a lot of what you said as well, you can have or sort of experience happiness
- 55:18independent of conditions as a way of being in a way that's actually quite deep, as I imagine it was for Shinzen, and still choose to do other things or emphasize other things
- 55:28or want other things or
- 55:30not just go after happiness, but you know, choose to have conditions for other reasons, you know, conditions
- 55:35that sort of cause.
- 55:36ups and downs and things like that.
- 55:38~ to get, you know, to spread things into the world.
- 55:41~ it reminds me of
- 55:42sort of, you know, the Bodhisattva vow or even the yeah.
- 55:46Exactly, exactly.
- 55:47re you recognize that like, okay, happiness independent independent of conditions is real, but I'm gonna choose to keep my hands dirty and keep interacting with these this world of
- 55:59conditions because it's important.
- 56:02Right.
- 56:02ways I think that's where it just ~ it's quite fascinating how it just feels even deeper, more mysterious and curious ~ of how one chooses these things.
- 56:13~
- 56:14Mm.
- 56:14and it's which is which is ~ might be a good way to end this conversation.
- 56:18hmm.
- 56:20Yeah.
- 56:22Well, one of the things I was talking about earlier is like
- 56:28r ~ there are seasons.
- 56:30So it's not like anyone ever really makes a choice one way or the other.
- 56:34There can be themes, but I would encourage people to experiment and have seasons and emphasize one or the other and go back and forth.
- 56:44And s I mean in a way that that is walking the path.
- 56:50I'll maybe this may this might be a nice inspirational way to end it.
- 56:53~ when I was
- 56:56When I told my teacher that I was leaving the monastery, he said, Don't think of it as you're leaving a practice or you're switching directions.
- 57:07Think about it as another step on the same path.
- 57:12So, like what this path looks like is you spend time training in a monastery.
- 57:17That's that's walking, that's taking a step forward with your left foot, and then you re-enter the world.
- 57:22That's taking a step forward with your right foot.
- 57:24And then you train in the monastery, that's taking a step forward with your left foot.
- 57:27And then you re-enter the world, that's taking a step forward with your right foot.
- 57:29So this path really is fundamentally alternating between seasons of transcendence and imminence and weaving in the insights that you make in the practice into your life and how
- 57:41you show up.
- 57:43Awesome.
- 57:44Thank you, Toby.
- 57:45~ what are a few links or ways that people can find you if they're excited about this conversation?
- 57:54So I run a meditation app called Bright Mind Meditation.
- 57:58And pretty much all of my teaching, guided meditations, QA, lectures, stuff is all on the app.
- 58:04So it's it's pretty, it's like a one-stop shop.
- 58:07So you can download it in the Apple App Store, the Google Play Store, Brightmind.
- 58:13and another like related thing is I I am gonna do a, I don't know when you're gonna release this, but I'm gonna do
- 58:21A virtual four-day retreat in September, ~ well, we'll explore a lot of these themes.
- 58:29And I yeah, I regularly host like fully online retreats, some in-person retreats too, actually.
- 58:34But I regularly host online retreats.
- 58:35But the best way to find out about all that is to just and create a bright mind account, and then I'll just you'll be on my email list.
- 58:44And recently, we'll see how long this lasts.
- 58:48Recently, aka like
- 58:50Two weeks ago, I started to post weekly on Instagram reels.
- 58:55So you can follow me on Instagram, Toby or not to be three thousand.
- 59:02But it's like it's all my name, Toby, you know, Toby or not Toby 3000, T-O-B-Y.
- 59:08Pretty funny.
- 59:08Pretty funny handle.
- 59:09~
- 59:12yeah, without the number it was taken, so I had to add 3000, which I think is kind of funny because it makes me sound like a vacuum cleaner, you know?
- 59:18Like,
- 59:19Yes.
- 59:19or not Toby, 3000.
- 59:22get it today while supplies last.
- 59:23So yeah, I'm excited about that.
- 59:25We'll see.
- 59:25~ I'm just, I just want to like share in real time the perspectives, the skills, the techniques that are actually helpful for me in my real life.
- 59:35I just want to share it like immediately on social media.
- 59:38So that's another good way to just get like bike-size chunks.
- 59:41And it absolutely is like I mentioned earlier in the discussion that some of these ideas are nascent, and I'm kind of trying to
- 59:48wrestle with them and figure them out.
- 59:50Hopefully this practice of sharing weekly videos is gonna help me do some of that.
- 59:56So it'll be a very creative process and I'm excited to to produce those videos.
- 1:00:01Awesome.
- 1:00:02Thank you, Toby.
- 1:00:03Thank you, Pranam.
- 1:00:04This has been ~ really epically mega super fun.
- 1:00:06Thank you.