Latest / Beyond the Facade with Choose Recovery Services and Blueprint Institute / 53: Coping Isn't Optional--But It Can Be Intentional

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53: Coping Isn't Optional--But It Can Be Intentional · Beyond the Facade with Choose Recovery Services and Blueprint Institute

• 0:00
  OK, guys, so excited to have you here today.
• 0:03
  I have a question for you and more of my maybe an opening
• 0:06
  thought than anything. So whether you're dealing with
• 0:09
  betrayal, you're one of the people that are listening here
• 0:11
  because you've been hurt and you've been betrayed, or whether
• 0:14
  you're trying to rebuild trust. What we want to talk about today
• 0:17
  is just managing the stressors with recovery and just life and
• 0:23
  the fact that it isn't optional. And really the question is, how
• 0:28
  are you doing it right now? What do you know it or not?
• 0:31
  Are you aware of how you cope and how you handle it or are you
• 0:35
  not? And Stacy's going to be joining
• 0:36
  me, so I'm really excited about that.
• 0:38
  So that's what we're going to talk about today.
• 0:43
  Welcome to Beyond the Facade podcast.
• 0:44
  I'm your host, Luke Gordon, and I'm thrilled to have you join me
• 0:47
  in this space today. What we're going to be doing is
• 0:49
  diving deep into the trials and triumphs and truths of seeking
• 0:53
  authenticity. Becoming your true self isn't
• 0:56
  about a single action or a moment.
• 0:58
  It's a relentless pursuit, a commitment to self that reveals
• 1:01
  a rich connection and meaning that our life has to offer.
• 1:04
  So whether this is your first time tuning in or you're a
• 1:07
  regular listener and know this, what you're building here goes
• 1:10
  beyond a conversation. You're here to challenge, to
• 1:12
  change, and to celebrate the incredible journey of becoming
• 1:16
  your authentic self. Because when you dare to show up
• 1:18
  fully, the rewards are immeasurable.
• 1:21
  So welcome to Beyond the Facade. Let's get started.
• 1:25
  OK, so let's jump into it. But before I do, Stacy, this is
• 1:29
  the first time I've had you here.
• 1:30
  So thank you so much for being willing to come here.
• 1:31
  I will introduce you briefly, but tell people what they should
• 1:35
  know about you after I shared what I want to share about you,
• 1:38
  which is Stacy's one of our therapist slash coaches that
• 1:42
  choose recovery services. She's been with us for a bit
• 1:44
  now. Has it been like a couple years?
• 1:45
  How long has it been? Yeah, I think it's been about 3.
• 1:47
  Yes, yeah, Time goes by really fast.
• 1:50
  Yeah, she spends a lot of time specifically with our the
• 1:53
  betrayed partners that come in. And she does such fantastic
• 1:57
  work. And I was excited for her to
• 1:58
  join us today because of her level of expertise and also the
• 2:01
  certain subject we're going to be talking about, which is
• 2:03
  coping. And I'm going to be, we'll be
• 2:06
  referencing both sides of whether you're the individual,
• 2:10
  but obviously Stacy's the expert on the betrayed partner.
• 2:14
  So anyway, we're going to jump at that today.
• 2:15
  But Stacy, what do you want people to know about you?
• 2:18
  Yeah, I'm a coach, a therapist in the state of Idaho.
• 2:22
  I love what I do. I love working with lots of
• 2:26
  betrayed partners. I'm divorced, remarried and have
• 2:31
  a big blended family and that's what keeps me busy, those work
• 2:35
  and family. It's busy, huh?
• 2:37
  Yeah, it is very. Good.
• 2:39
  Yeah, it's very cool. And then, yeah, just to note on
• 2:42
  that real quick, that's one of the things when we originally
• 2:45
  found each other, you had your story include a divorce in it.
• 2:48
  And that was really inspirational to hear how you
• 2:52
  navigated that and just encourage people to learn more
• 2:55
  about Stacy, if that's a part that you're navigating, which is
• 2:58
  some amazing work. OK, so let's jump into this
• 3:01
  coping mechanism, the coping stuff.
• 3:03
  All right, So Stacy, what do you notice that made you think that
• 3:07
  this might be a useful topic today?
• 3:11
  I would say that this topic pertains to everyone, all of my
• 3:18
  clients that I see. And I feel like one of the
• 3:22
  things, especially with betrayed partners, is we lose touch with
• 3:26
  who we are, who we were, and a lot of what falls to the wayside
• 3:30
  is how we show up for ourselves. And so that's really why I like
• 3:35
  to go over this with the clients that I meet with.
• 3:37
  But honest to goodness, it works with everyone.
• 3:39
  I will admit that I have this conversation with my children a
• 3:42
  lot. Life is hard and we are all
• 3:45
  dealing with lots of stress and so we need to know how we can
• 3:48
  show up for ourselves in the healthiest way possible and get
• 3:52
  back in touch with maybe who we forgot who we were.
• 3:55
  Yeah, absolutely. So let's introduce the concept
• 3:59
  of a coping spectrum. Some coping might be like over
• 4:03
  functioning and some might be like under functioning, but want
• 4:06
  to highlight the fact that everybody has some level of how
• 4:10
  they handle their hard. Stacey, what do you notice about
• 4:12
  clients in general, like their awareness level of this?
• 4:16
  What's missed here or not known that would be useful to know?
• 4:20
  I would say what is known First off is what's easy, what is the
• 4:26
  quick way to stop feeling all of these big feelings?
• 4:29
  And so I think it's easy for everyone to identify with where
• 4:33
  they go when they need the quick Band-Aid.
• 4:36
  And this is where we see lots of things.
• 4:39
  This is where the acting out takes place.
• 4:41
  But this is also where we're oversleeping or not sleeping at
• 4:44
  all, we're overeating or we're not eating at all.
• 4:47
  We're overdoing even good things.
• 4:49
  Some clients will clean their entire house from top to bottom,
• 4:54
  thinking that this is a really helpful way of coping.
• 4:57
  And in some ways it is. But what am I doing?
• 4:59
  Am I trying to run from something?
• 5:01
  Am I trying to ignore a lot of these feelings and thoughts that
• 5:04
  I'm having? And so I think that's where I
• 5:07
  like to slow things down with my clients and recognize what are
• 5:11
  the things that I'm doing that really aren't helping in the
• 5:15
  Grand Slam of things. That's cool, that's cool.
• 5:18
  And I love that you label that as like, OK, cleaning and then
• 5:21
  you said over cleaning, it's really easy for some things.
• 5:24
  And I'll talk to the I'll talk to the individual seeking
• 5:28
  recovery, the person that betrayed somebody.
• 5:31
  What's not easily seen as a coping mechanism and the only
• 5:34
  reason I'm bringing this up is not for you to check a list and
• 5:36
  go like, oh, I think that's my partner.
• 5:39
  I think that's them as it is just a notice.
• 5:41
  This so often work. Work is a coping mechanism.
• 5:46
  Like it's an excellent distracting the mechanism.
• 5:49
  I can think about parts of my journey when my partner got busy
• 5:53
  and then I had to fall in and do things and handle things that
• 5:56
  she had on her plate. I would all the sudden get busy
• 5:59
  at work like all of a sudden I had a lot to do, right.
• 6:02
  And it's really because I the type of activities that I needed
• 6:06
  to pull from her were overwhelming for me.
• 6:09
  And I know pity party over here, right?
• 6:11
  That's ridiculous, right? And I would go, OK, I have got
• 6:15
  to work. And that was a coping mechanism
• 6:17
  for me to handle hard as I can find structure in that in places
• 6:20
  that have less structure. Thoughts on that?
• 6:22
  Yeah, I see this on my side of things with with recovery work.
• 6:28
  Recovery work is so good and it is so helpful, but sometimes
• 6:32
  clients will take it to the NTH degree.
• 6:35
  They won't listen to anything else other than recovery
• 6:38
  podcasts or read books. And I understand that it's kind
• 6:42
  of bald to the wound to get all of this information and want to
• 6:45
  know more and more and more. It's validating and empowering,
• 6:49
  but I remember my own personal journey.
• 6:52
  I got to a point where I was like, it's been years since I've
• 6:55
  read a book that I just wanted to read for enjoyment.
• 6:59
  I have overdone this a little bit and I would have to check in
• 7:02
  with myself and I asked my clients to do this as well.
• 7:06
  Is it stealing you? Is it empowering you or is it
• 7:09
  draining you? Are you walking away with your
• 7:11
  cup empty? Got to check in with that.
• 7:14
  Sometimes overdoing recovery work can be a way of coping and
• 7:19
  that we just have to check in and find where the balance ends.
• 7:22
  OK, so let's talk about that through the lens of, OK, this
• 7:25
  lens too much, too little or just enough.
• 7:27
  OK, so let's highlight some and then Stacey, yeah, please share
• 7:32
  what sticks out to you here. But let's talk about the too
• 7:34
  much coping, what that might look like.
• 7:36
  So things I've noticed and I'm I think of like over controlling
• 7:41
  as a part of a coping. I think about excessiveness like
• 7:46
  doing a lot to avoid feeling. We've talked about that before
• 7:51
  and we've talked about the working and maybe another part
• 7:53
  of the coping is this people pleasing.
• 7:55
  Like I cope through being what somebody else wants to be.
• 7:59
  That's how I handle my heart is what do I, what do you need to
• 8:01
  do? Make sure people are OK.
• 8:02
  So I'm OK. Think about that too much.
• 8:05
  That's a big one. Definitely people pleasing and
• 8:09
  not having boundaries. This is where we say yes and say
• 8:15
  yes and say yes when we don't want to.
• 8:17
  And at the end of the day we have nothing to give or we're
• 8:19
  full of resentment and lots of other feelings.
• 8:23
  And that's, yeah, this is another great example of, yeah,
• 8:29
  we'll cope by just saying yes. We'll cope by trying to get
• 8:32
  people to like us more, see us more, find out validation from
• 8:36
  outside sources instead of from ourselves.
• 8:40
  Good thing to be aware of. Yeah, I think about the 2 little
• 8:43
  coping, if we go on the opposite of the spectrum that might look
• 8:45
  like, and I notice from the guys that I work with, this is where
• 8:48
  numbing comes in. This is where checking outcomes
• 8:50
  in. This is where denial comes in.
• 8:52
  There's not a healthy level of coping and then or there's not a
• 8:57
  healthy way of coping. So you they end up letting other
• 8:59
  people take over, making decisions.
• 9:01
  And this is where it's no longer their recovery because they're
• 9:04
  not moving. And this is where it's a lack of
• 9:06
  emotional connection with the other people.
• 9:10
  So they're disengaging emotionally because there's no
• 9:12
  coping mechanisms. Like they can't, they can't
• 9:15
  engage emotionally because there's no healthy level of
• 9:17
  coping. And I see this with women who
• 9:21
  isolate themselves. They'll put those walls up
• 9:24
  around them because they think fight wide.
• 9:28
  It feels safe back here. So there are people who need
• 9:33
  time to recharge and be alone. That can be healthy to a point,
• 9:37
  but if you are closing yourself off, if you are tapping into
• 9:41
  feelings of shame because of this experience, I think that's
• 9:44
  where you have to become aware that this isn't actually
• 9:48
  helpful. We're we are human beings.
• 9:50
  We are wired for that connection.
• 9:52
  And when we shut ourselves off from everyone, that's not going
• 9:56
  to put us in a healthy mindset. Yeah, I love that.
• 10:00
  OK, so what's the middle look like?
• 10:02
  I think about the just enough, the what just enough looks like.
• 10:06
  So coping in the healthy ways, which is it's more of regulating
• 10:10
  compared to like reacting. So it's a proactive approach.
• 10:14
  And I think about, I think about me and my ADHD and my anxiety,
• 10:18
  the things that I have to really treat and manage.
• 10:20
  It's like if I'm react to that, I'm in trouble, like I'm not OK.
• 10:24
  I have to regulate that proactively before it becomes
• 10:27
  problematic. So I have to find healthy ways
• 10:29
  to cope, mindfulness, that stuff.
• 10:31
  And then just noticing what I'm experiencing because my body
• 10:34
  will tell me everything that I need to know, right?
• 10:36
  I just had to pay attention before it's in charge and
• 10:39
  controlling everything. So there, there's some
• 10:41
  strategies. We're going to take a quick
• 10:44
  break for a moment. I want to let you know of some
• 10:45
  things that we have coming up with Choose Recovery Services.
• 10:49
  Hey friends, it's Hallie Roderick here and I wanted to
• 10:51
  personally invite you to an incredible opportunity coming up
• 10:54
  this summer. From July 8th to 11th, Luke
• 10:57
  Gordon and I will be Co facilitating a help her heal
• 11:00
  intensive for men in Spanish Fork, UT.
• 11:03
  And if you're a man who's serious about rebuilding trust,
• 11:05
  creating emotional safety and doing the deep work of repair
• 11:08
  after betrayal, this space is created specifically for you.
• 11:13
  This four day intensive is not a lecture series.
• 11:15
  It's a deeply experiential process designed to help you
• 11:18
  feel the shift, not just understand it intellectually.
• 11:22
  Together, we'll explore powerful tools and practices to help you
• 11:26
  develop real empathy, shame, resiliency, and a clear
• 11:30
  understanding of betrayal trauma so you can begin to show up as a
• 11:33
  safe, trustworthy partner again. You'll also have the opportunity
• 11:37
  to connect with other men who are on the same path.
• 11:40
  Men also committed to growth their integrity, doing the hard
• 11:44
  work and the beautiful work of relationship repair.
• 11:47
  So whether you're just beginning this process or you're well on
• 11:50
  your way, this intensive can be a powerful next step in your
• 11:53
  journey towards healing. So if you're ready to move
• 11:56
  forward, we'd love to have you join us.
• 11:59
  So to learn more or to reserve your spot, check out the show
• 12:02
  notes where you'll find a link to reach out to our office.
• 12:05
  So let's do this work together. Hope to see you in Utah.
• 12:08
  Well. Let's get back to our episode.
• 12:12
  I figured it might make sense to talk about foundationally
• 12:16
  textbook coping strategies. So what I'd like to do is take a
• 12:20
  moment and go through, if it's just enough, what are some
• 12:25
  textbook kind of almost foundationally for the
• 12:29
  individual's skin recovery that are healthy coping mechanism
• 12:33
  that you just run with right away?
• 12:34
  And I can think of three. And they hit on the parts of the
• 12:38
  brain that are going to need to be worked through and worked
• 12:41
  with, which is dopamine. And that's going to be exercise
• 12:46
  because that's going to regulate your dopamine.
• 12:48
  It is going to give you access to dopamine.
• 12:50
  That's the right kind. That's one really, really
• 12:53
  important part of coping. I could think about the
• 12:55
  oxytocin, which is the connection piece.
• 12:58
  This is where healthy coping is consistent routine, on purpose,
• 13:03
  connection with other men and with partner, intentionally
• 13:07
  going. And that's a healthy way of
• 13:09
  coping. And I think of the serotonin
• 13:11
  piece, which is this is the mindfulness.
• 13:14
  This is I can get peace and calm inside of me, myself
• 13:17
  proactively. So there's a strategy there
• 13:20
  where I connect with myself so I can get that peace and calm.
• 13:24
  So I think of those coping that's healthy.
• 13:27
  And it has to be it's, it has to be in there.
• 13:29
  Yeah. Oh I agree 100%.
• 13:31
  I remember years ago being at some kind of continuing
• 13:36
  education course where they talked about self-care and I was
• 13:42
  kind of rolling my eyes because I was hearing the same things
• 13:44
  that I hear over and over again. But they are so important.
• 13:48
  And one of them is movement that you talked about.
• 13:52
  It doesn't have to be like a full on kickboxing session, but
• 13:56
  as long as we're continuing to move our bodies, that's really
• 13:59
  important. And he also mentioned that
• 14:02
  continuing education class that we have to be eating and not
• 14:06
  just a bunch of sugar and not just once a day, but trying to
• 14:10
  keep our blood sugar regulated. When we're in this mess and
• 14:14
  we're trying to make really healthy decisions for ourselves
• 14:17
  moving forward, we need to be at functioning from a healthy
• 14:22
  baseline. And so that's why eating is so
• 14:25
  important. I tell my clients all the time,
• 14:27
  if eating is a challenge for you right now, you need to put some
• 14:31
  reminders in your phone. And you know that you don't even
• 14:34
  have to use your brain, but have that phone remind you that six
• 14:37
  times a day you need to at least have a snack.
• 14:40
  And this is kind of early on recovery, but I still feel like
• 14:43
  it's important to remember. And then sleep.
• 14:46
  Sleep is a big one for the same reasons.
• 14:49
  And how are we doing checking in with maybe what are some things
• 14:52
  that aren't really helping or we scrolling mindlessly on our
• 14:56
  phones before we go to bed? Are we going down rabbit holes
• 14:59
  with reels and things? What are we doing to calm down
• 15:01
  and calming our minds so that we can at least at night?
• 15:04
  And if this becomes a continual problem, sometimes we need to
• 15:07
  take it a step further and go talk to our doctors if
• 15:10
  necessary. Yeah.
• 15:12
  I like that. What?
• 15:13
  So what would you do? What do you do when you help
• 15:17
  clients identify coping mechanisms?
• 15:21
  Like if we give people here today, like if you were sitting
• 15:23
  in session with Stacy, what Rd. would she take me down?
• 15:26
  How would I know if I'm struggling to go?
• 15:28
  I don't know if got healthy coping mechanisms or not.
• 15:30
  What would you say? The first thing I would ask is
• 15:34
  what has worked for you in the past?
• 15:37
  Has anything worked for you in the past?
• 15:39
  Let's dive into whether or not are you a journaler?
• 15:42
  Have you ever journaled? Is that something that's helped
• 15:44
  you through a hard time before? If not, let's talk about it.
• 15:48
  I also like to have the clients identify some things that maybe
• 15:54
  they've even heard that help that they have not tried.
• 15:57
  For me personally, I had never been a meditator.
• 16:01
  I have a really short attention span.
• 16:03
  And people kept saying, oh, meditation and grounding and all
• 16:07
  of these things. And I thought, I don't think
• 16:09
  that's for me. I'm not sure, but I've never
• 16:11
  tried it. And so with some guidance, I was
• 16:15
  encouraged to just give it a try for one minute first thing in
• 16:18
  the morning when I woke up, roll over, hit the button and do a
• 16:22
  one minute meditation. I found that really was helpful
• 16:25
  for me. I enjoyed starting the day off
• 16:28
  on my terms. That was really empowering, even
• 16:30
  though it was just one minute. So that was something that I
• 16:34
  wanted to try and found out that it was actually helpful.
• 16:36
  So with my clients, yeah, I like to see what has been helpful.
• 16:40
  Do you have a way that you connect to a higher power?
• 16:43
  Yes. No.
• 16:44
  Let's explore that. What does that look like for
• 16:46
  you? How's that going?
• 16:49
  Or what about gratitude? How does gratitude play a role
• 16:52
  in your life? Have you ever really focused on
• 16:54
  it? Have you ever made it more of a
• 16:56
  something in the forefront of your mind or not?
• 16:59
  Maybe we could explore that. So I really like them to lead
• 17:01
  it. I want them to be excited about
• 17:04
  the things that they want to try because this is their first aid
• 17:07
  kit. This is what they need to tap
• 17:09
  into that's going to work for them.
• 17:11
  And something that maybe works for one client might not work
• 17:14
  for another, but it's about figuring out what works for you.
• 17:18
  Yeah, that's awesome. That's awesome.
• 17:21
  One of the things that you said to me outside of this podcast
• 17:24
  that I really liked is people identifying their stressors.
• 17:28
  Can you speak to what you do to identify those?
• 17:31
  And maybe it's maybe I'm oversimplifying it and it's
• 17:34
  right there in front of us, but what kind of questions do you
• 17:36
  ask? MO, I love to just say, hey, I'm
• 17:39
  let's take 3 minutes and you just tell me everything that's
• 17:43
  weighing heavily on your mind and your heart today.
• 17:46
  And man comes barreling out at me.
• 17:50
  And a lot of the things that my clients identify are similar.
• 17:54
  They're struggling with their relationships and wondering
• 17:57
  where this is going to go. A lot of them are worried about
• 17:59
  their kids parents, can we overcome this?
• 18:03
  Just a lot of fear, a lot of ruminations, things like that.
• 18:06
  And so it's pretty humbling after just three minutes to read
• 18:12
  that list back to my clients. I got to say there are many
• 18:16
  times that tears come to their eyes when I say look at what you
• 18:21
  are carrying right now. It's kind of overwhelming to
• 18:25
  just put it all down like that. And if we had more time, I'm
• 18:28
  sure they could probably fill a whole side of a page, you know?
• 18:31
  For sure. Yeah.
• 18:33
  OK, so I'm going to give you or we're going to give you a little
• 18:36
  mini assessment here, which is just to we're self reflect.
• 18:40
  So maybe if you pause, you're right.
• 18:43
  If you're not driving down the road or you can pause and pull
• 18:46
  over somewhere safe and just write some notes down here to
• 18:48
  yourself. So here's the questions I have.
• 18:50
  You have 5 questions. And as I read through these five
• 18:52
  questions, I want you to just answer honestly in your mind.
• 18:55
  And we all answer like often, sometimes rarely.
• 18:59
  OK, think about the coping that we've talked about today.
• 19:02
  Do I cope in ways that leave me feeling more grounded
• 19:05
  afterwards? Is my answer often, sometimes or
• 19:08
  rarely? The next one is do I tend to
• 19:11
  avoid feelings by numbing out? So that's like scrolling or
• 19:15
  overeating or shutting down or the things we've mentioned
• 19:17
  today, the numbing out stuff. So is that often, sometimes or
• 19:21
  rarely? Exactly if the quick fixes
• 19:23
  right. The third one is do I ever ask
• 19:25
  for support when I'm stressed or do I isolate?
• 19:29
  So just notice that. And again, this isn't about
• 19:31
  getting the answer right, this is just about noticing where I'm
• 19:34
  at with coping. OK.
• 19:37
  The 4th one, a fourth out of five is a do I often feel worse
• 19:40
  after I've coped? Do I feel more guilty, ashamed,
• 19:44
  or more overwhelmed? Do I feel worse after I've
• 19:47
  coped? And the fifth one is do I take
• 19:50
  time to notice what I'm feeling before reacting?
• 19:54
  So just notice that often, sometimes rarely.
• 19:57
  So, you know, you just recognize that if mostly often the is that
• 20:02
  this is can be used to identify and point us in a direction of
• 20:06
  going more awareness. Because that's what man, I'm
• 20:08
  telling you, Stacy, I feel like this journey really is just
• 20:11
  about me becoming more aware of myself.
• 20:13
  So many things. If I'm not, if I'm not riddled
• 20:17
  by shame, most of the journey is just to becoming aware of what
• 20:21
  I'm experiencing and being willing to sit with it and be
• 20:23
  with it. And a lot of the action will
• 20:25
  flow naturally after that. I agree.
• 20:29
  Yeah. And a lot of those feelings tell
• 20:32
  us things like we it, it really doesn't manifest.
• 20:35
  It comes up into our bodies. We can feel all of those
• 20:37
  emotions in lots of different ways, in our shoulders, back,
• 20:41
  stomach, grinding, teeth, headaches, all of those things.
• 20:45
  But it also leads us to say things to ourselves, some pretty
• 20:50
  horrifically mean things that we would probably never say to
• 20:54
  anyone else. If our best friend or our sister
• 20:57
  was going through something like this, we would never say these
• 21:00
  things. But it is very important to be
• 21:03
  aware of the dialogue that we are telling ourselves.
• 21:08
  And so there's a lot of power that comes when we become aware
• 21:12
  of the things that we say over and over and over.
• 21:17
  And so that's one of the reasons why I like this discussion so
• 21:21
  much, is it really does help us bring awareness and connecting.
• 21:25
  When I feel this way, I tell myself something and then I
• 21:28
  choose. I choose how I'm going to cope.
• 21:32
  Your power is within you. You get to decide.
• 21:36
  Yeah, yeah. And that wow, when I can sit and
• 21:40
  notice there's a choice and notice that in my patterns and
• 21:45
  what I choose really can disrupt those patterns.
• 21:49
  OK, so I have a final thought. And then anything you have,
• 21:51
  anything you have, Stacy, would be amazing.
• 21:53
  So I just want to share. Like coping is something that we
• 21:56
  all do every day, but I'm going to speak directly to the person
• 21:59
  that betrayed their partner or the person with compulsive
• 22:02
  behavior. The real question is, is it
• 22:03
  helping me heal or is it helping me hide?
• 22:07
  Is it keeping me away from other people?
• 22:08
  Or is it making me move towards other people and myself?
• 22:11
  So the more awareness I have to this, the more freedom I have to
• 22:14
  create something different. I think remembering what coping
• 22:18
  is supposed to do for you. Coping refers to the thoughts,
• 22:22
  the behaviors, the people, the behaviors that people use to
• 22:25
  manage stress or challenges or really difficult emotions that
• 22:30
  they face in life. How am I going to handle those
• 22:33
  things when my mental health is tested, when my emotional health
• 22:36
  is tested, when my physical health, my physical well-being
• 22:39
  is tested? And so I think it's important to
• 22:42
  also remember that there's a couple of different ways that we
• 22:46
  cope, one of which is a problem focused coping, that what can I
• 22:51
  do to tackle this issue directly or eliminate the stress?
• 22:54
  But then there's also the second one, which is the emotion
• 22:58
  focused coping. How can I manage my emotional
• 23:02
  responses rather than changing the situation?
• 23:04
  Because a lot of times we can't change some of these situations
• 23:08
  that we find ourselves in. So yeah, I think you're right.
• 23:11
  Asking that question, what's healthy and constructive, but
• 23:16
  what's harmful if it's overused, like we touched on earlier as
• 23:20
  well, is really, really powerful in getting back in in touch with
• 23:24
  who you are and what you know truly helps you.
• 23:29
  And honestly, once we identify these things, I feel like it's a
• 23:33
  hinge point moment in life where we can really take a turn for
• 23:37
  the better. It can be a catalyst for sure.
• 23:41
  Really. Can really can.
• 23:43
  Cool. Thanks so much for joining
• 23:44
  today, Stacey. It's so nice to have you.
• 23:46
  For having me. I hope you come backs again.
• 23:48
  Yeah, I'd love to I'd. Love to share with you what's
• 23:53
  upcoming and we have something really unique coming up in June.
• 23:58
  So for those of you who are in the healing profession, who is
• 24:03
  helping take care of other people, therapists, coaches
• 24:07
  especially. But even if you're a nurse
• 24:10
  working in the medical field, if you spend your time catering to
• 24:13
  everyone else and holding their pain and helping them through
• 24:17
  their heart, we have an intensive just for you.
• 24:20
  This is called heal the Healer and of Oh well, I love all my
• 24:25
  intensives, but this one holds such a special place in my heart
• 24:29
  because in Heal the Healer, it's where the healer gets to come
• 24:34
  and for a moment set everything down and let you be taken care
• 24:38
  of. And this isn't where you're
• 24:40
  going to come do a ton of workshops and lots of learning
• 24:43
  and have to stretch your brain. It's just where you get to come
• 24:46
  relax. You get to kick your feet up and
• 24:50
  have other professionals. They're ready to take care of
• 24:53
  you and cater to you. We have a gorgeous lodge, house,
• 24:59
  resort property that's all ours that has holes and saunas and
• 25:06
  ponds and paths and trails, and it's tucked in the Lost Edge
• 25:09
  Mountains. We have a gorgeous place to
• 25:11
  stay. All of your meals are included,
• 25:13
  activities are included. There'll be time for fun if you
• 25:17
  want to participate in that, and also time for downtime and rest.
• 25:20
  And best of all, you get that connection with other strong
• 25:24
  women who are holding it all together for somebody else and
• 25:28
  who are ready to be taken care of.
• 25:30
  So invest in you, take care of you.
• 25:33
  We would love to have you there. I would love to hang out with
• 25:36
  you and come with us in June to heal the healer.
• 25:43
  Hey, thanks for joining us today.
• 25:45
  If this is something that you connected with, I'd love to meet
• 25:47
  with you more and talk about it. So what you can do is go to
• 25:50
  chooserecoveryservices.com or check the show notes and there
• 25:54
  what we can do is set up a quick conversation we need.
• 25:57
  Thanks so much for listening to Beyond the Facade where we
• 25:59
  unmask the authentic self.