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The Power of Proactive Kindness · Doing Marriage Well

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  Doing Marriage Well for October 19, 2026 The Power of Proactive Kindness Of
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  late, I've had some online discussions with a few incels.
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  If you're unaware, incel stands for involuntary celibate.
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  The term has come to be used primarily by young men who say they can't get a
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  woman because society is rigged to favor rich and handsome men.
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  Rather than viewing their situation as something they can change,
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  they blame feminism, society, and women themselves.
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  They become something that scares away a woman with a clue.
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  I have suggested to these guys that if they treated women like people and were
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  kind and decent to them, they would find a woman who wants to be with them.
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  I was told this does not work. I explain it's why I'm married,
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  but I'm told I'm a lucky anomaly.
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  Nothing anyone says will change their minds. The trap of external blame tells
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  them they drew a short straw, and that's that.
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  Sometimes husbands and wives fall into the same exact trap, blaming their spouse,
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  kids, work, or their routine for their dissatisfaction rather than looking at what they can control.
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  I've always tried to find some part of the problem that I can change.
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  If I can change anything about it, then I have the power to change the situation.
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  I've applied this to my marriage and encouraged others to do the same,
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  and I've seen some amazing changes happen.
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  I do want you to consider this concept. If there is something you dislike about
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  your relationship with your spouse, what could you change?
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  Where do you have the power to change the situation? Beyond that,
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  I want to discuss the idea of being kind and decent to our spouses.
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  It should be our default setting, but as life gets busy and hectic, we can slip.
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  If our relationship is not what we would like, we may stop doing what we should for our spouse.
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  Perhaps we have unconsciously decided being nice is not providing a good return on investment.
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  I won't be warm until they change first poisons a marriage. Kindness is proactive, not conditional.
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  I will look at some ways being kind and decent should play out in our relationship.
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  I hope you'll examine yourself as I do this And be honest with yourself about
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  places where you may be falling short This is Paul And kindness is the start of doing marriage well.