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How to Get Pregnant (and enjoy it!) if Your Libido is Low with Dr. Susan Fox · Libido Lounge

• 0:11
  Hey, everybody.
• 0:12
  Welcome back to another episode on the lounge.
• 0:15
  I'm your libido expert, Doctor.
• 0:17
  Diane Mueller.
• 0:18
  I'm so excited about my guest, dear friend, Doctor.
• 0:22
  Susan Fox, who is a fertility expert.
• 0:26
  And you might be initially wondering why are we talking about fertility on a libido show, but
• 0:33
  you're going to see why, because these things are so innately connected.
• 0:37
  And one of the things I tend to talk about a lot of these vicious cycles we get into with
• 0:42
  libido, with stress and medicine and fertility and infertility is a really good example of
• 0:48
  this cycle because we're going to talk about how we go through baby making in a way where
• 0:54
  we're using our libido to keep us relaxed and to keep us less stressed because that's a
• 1:00
  vicious cycle we can get into, right?
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  We're, we're excited to have kids.
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  We go through this process of fertility and a lot of stress can kick in And that's not good
• 1:10
  for our libido.
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  We can get in this vicious, vicious cycle.
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  So that's what we're going to explore today and more.
• 1:15
  Welcome, welcome, welcome, Doctor.
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  Susan.
• 1:21
  Thank you, doctor doctor Diane.
• 1:23
  I'm so happy to be here with you.
• 1:25
  It's such a pleasure.
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  And let's jump right in.
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  So let's talk about, you know, this this cycle I'm talking about.
• 1:31
  So you coach a lot of women.
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  You work with a lot of different women and couples.
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  How do you help them during this really, you know, emotional time, during this exciting but
• 1:41
  emotional and scary time?
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  How do you help them stay connected?
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  How do you help them keep their libido healthy when oftentimes it's like, okay, well, we have
• 1:51
  to make sure we're making love at this exact time and, you know, all those things that can
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  come up in in baby making.
• 1:57
  Exactly.
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  Well, thank thank you.
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  Thank you.
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  It's a perfect question.
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  And it is a question that happened comes up all the time because what if we weren't thinking
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  about it, as you know, you know, our, our natural rise in estrogen, as we get close to
• 2:10
  ovulation is what makes us juicy and horny.
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  And yet when we're on the clock, because we said this month is a month we wanna try, we
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  sort of get out of our bodies and into our heads and we start to schedule it.
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  And so even though the estrogen is climbing, our our cortisol, our our, you know, stress
• 2:30
  hormones are a little bit more elevated.
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  And so we're just kind of not, you know, paying attention to our natural rhythms.
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  So I will tell women to think about women and people to think about, you know, before it's
• 2:44
  bedtime, you know, before this, they say, okay, you know, let's let's go make, make love and
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  see if we can get lucky this month, you know, begin by maybe touching yourself, setting the
• 2:57
  room.
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  So most people are hopping in into bed around, you know, ten, eleven, something like that.
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  I'll say, you know, start at 07:00.
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  And here's where my Chinese medicine sort of background comes in.
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  Because 07:00 is the time where our pericardium, the wrapping around our heart.
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  And we mean it metaphorically, even though it's also physiologically and physically true as
• 3:18
  well.
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  So start softening that sort of wrapping around our heart around the 7PM time.
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  Maybe that's lighting a candle.
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  Maybe it's, you know, just having something, something nourishing or a delicious cup of tea
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  that really feels sensuous.
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  Maybe it's beginning to talk sexy with your partner or touching your partner or touching
• 3:39
  yourself so that you can start to really connect with your body at the right time so
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  that, you know, it's either in the 7PM time or later, you'd begun to literally stroke the,
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  the, the, the, the fire, stroke, the fire, stroke, the fire.
• 3:56
  Yeah.
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  I love that.
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  Yes.
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  Stroke the fires that the virus really good.
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  And I think it's so true.
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  Right?
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  We get into these these moments where it's like, especially as women.
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  And and I just say this intentionally to women because we have a longer time oftentimes to
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  arousal than our male counterparts.
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  So I but I mean this inclusively, but just because we see that so we can need oftentimes
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  more time to get in the mood.
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  Right.
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  So in some of what you're talking about then is like, okay, if we are getting into this point
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  of we're ready to make babies, then some of it is like we need to get out of kind of thinking
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  about this is like this baby making thing happens between this particular hour and is
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  more around, you know, making a baby is like really part of our lives.
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  Right?
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  It's something that we're orienting our entire, you know, much more of our day to than just
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  that, like, moment of sexual intimacy.
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  Right?
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  Right.
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  Right.
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  It's much more than the rub rub ejaculate moment.
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  Although I do advise to the best of one's ability and also that's a reason to to really
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  stroke the fire.
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  Stroke the fire is that a woman's, orgasm is very helpful in an unnatural conception of
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  bringing that sperm right on up the vaginal canal so that she can, you know, get the the
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  good ones past the cervix and into meet the egg.
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  Yeah.
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  Yeah.
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  There's so much like, we talk so much about all the pleasure with orgasm, but, obviously, we
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  have orgasms also for a very functional reason too.
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  Is there anything because I I know some of our listeners might be thinking like, oh my gosh.
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  Like, but I I have a hard time orgasming, so I'm never gonna be able to make a baby now.
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  Is there anything you would say to people if they're worried about that because orgasms can
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  be difficult for someone?
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  That's a very good question.
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  Thanks for raising it.
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  No.
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  When it it is not required, it's obviously delightful.
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  And if that is something that that is accessible to you, then, then it, it is an
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  enhancement, if you will, because the muscles of the vagina will draw up.
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  But, but really, you know, enjoy, be relaxed, begin, begin by really feeling your sensual
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  nature.
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  That's, you know, really it's the intimacy of a partnership of intercourse.
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  That is the true spark that brings sperm to egg.
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  It does, an orgasm is not required.
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  Yeah.
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  Yeah.
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  Thank you.
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  Thank you.
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  I think it's really important.
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  I just like like to normalize this so much, especially because of, you know, what we even
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  know anatomically around like, some women anatomically just based upon erectile tissue or
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  the location of the clitoris, it's, like, can be a lot more challenging to orgasm than other
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  women.
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  And we never we always wanna make sure there's so much inclusivity in the process.
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  Right?
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  This is nonperformance.
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  This is everything but performance.
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  Yeah.
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  It's really just enjoying the act of intimacy.
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  Yes.
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  Yes.
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  Yes.
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  And so then let's take that enjoyment into the day.
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  Right?
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  So it's like, okay, to get out of that stress and to really just get into the enjoyment of
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  that pericardial space and that love and that connection and everything that we get by heart
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  opening and and that intimacy through heart opening.
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  What about, like, the rest of the day?
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  Is there anything that you would advise from, like, the moment we we started talking about
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  7PM, like, candles are lit?
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  What about the rest of the day?
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  Is there anything else that we should be thinking about throughout the day to really get
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  our libido juiced up, to get ready for baby making time?
• 7:28
  Mhmm.
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  Well, certainly, you know, as as we wake, so do we sleep.
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  As we sleep, so do we wake.
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  So get, you know, getting yourself into, you know, sort of the morning light upon awakening,
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  really getting your face to the sun, starting to set your circadian rhythm.
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  So once again, that that stress hormone isn't overriding and that by the time dusk approaches
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  our melatonin, our natural antioxidant and feel good hormone and sleep hormone after after we
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  want when we're ready to sleep is is at the ready.
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  I would certainly say, you know, it's the basics.
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  Right?
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  Be hydrated.
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  You know, I know people will say, have a glass of wine and you'll have a baby.
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  So maybe, maybe, but, you know, take good care of yourself, be hydrated, eat well.
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  You know, really, it's that sense of self.
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  I mean, that is pleasure as well, right?
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  Nourishment.
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  So I would say to the best of your ability, you know, those are things we can place earlier in
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  the day.
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  And then, you know, you, maybe it is light a candle, maybe it is put on some of your
• 8:29
  favorite music, maybe it is, you know, applying maybe a second layer of, of oil or lotion to
• 8:34
  your body.
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  So you're literally touching, touching your skin.
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  You know, really just feeling the pleasure of being a human being, and all of that what that
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  sense of touch will give us.
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  Yeah, I think there's so much that happens, you know, throughout the day, it's like our body
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  like, I've heard I haven't actually met anybody yet, but I've heard of people having elbow
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  orgasms, you know, because there's so much, like, erotic tissue all over our body.
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  And so all of these different erogenous zones.
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  And so as we go through the day, we start to wake, you know, awaken the body up.
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  And but what if, like, so how do you how do you respond to women when they feel and I mean, all
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  humans, but it is a lot of women that listen to the show.
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  So how do you respond to humans when they feel like, oh my gosh.
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  I just don't feel in my own body and, like, okay.
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  I listen to this podcast.
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  I try to, like, turn myself on.
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  I'm trying to get into the mood.
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  I want my libido good.
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  I want my stress down.
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  I'm ready to make babies.
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  But yet I ate too much for dinner or I'm having indigestion or, like, even, like, post
• 9:38
  pregnancy when we start to have our body change, but we still wanna keep that that
• 9:43
  passion alive with our partner.
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  And we're starting to feel like, oh, I don't feel comfortable in my own body.
• 9:48
  Like, how do we keep that libido going in the flame alive?
• 9:52
  Well, that's an interesting question.
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  I mean, it's actually a really valid point and an interesting question, because if we're
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  feeling like we don't love our own bodies, if we don't love ourselves, it's harder to evoke
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  the you know, we're magnetic beings, it's harder to evoke that that sensation, you know,
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  externally in the environment.
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  So I would say, you know, maybe even if they get to you, make it sometimes because, you
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  know, we really can also be disciplined and conditioned to like, oh, all of a sudden I was,
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  you know, kind of just applying the lotion, but today I can feel it.
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  So I would say, you know, give yourself permission, give yourself a wide birth to just
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  try it, try, try whatever, whatever evokes your passion.
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  And sometimes I'll say, you know, when you were a teenager, did you love to sing?
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  Did you love to dance?
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  Did you know what what were the things that would evoke an alivening of you?
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  And and it does, you know, this is not performance art.
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  So what whatever you like to do, if you're coming out of the shower and you just wanna
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  shake it off, shake it off, you know, forget the towel, just shake it off.
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  But yeah, I think that that's probably the the best I can say because it breaks my heart and
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  certainly, I am guilty of of guilty.
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  I have experienced in having, you know, had negative self talk, but all that is going to do
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  is repeat itself, right?
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  So catch yourself when you can.
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  And and then shift the shift the conversation a little bit like oof, oh, my heart.
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  What did I, you know, oh, my pericardium.
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  What did I just hear myself say to myself?
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  You know, because if I don't like my hips, how about my eyes?
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  How about my cheeks?
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  How about my breasts?
• 11:32
  How about my hands?
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  You know, there that's where we are not just the one body part, and you know, I think
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  sensualizing versus sexualizing ourselves is what will help get us to the place where we
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  really love ourselves and can be in love and be making love.
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  Yeah.
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  I really think that's so important.
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  And I I talk sometimes about that Rosemary Basson's, model of arousal.
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  Right?
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  Where it's like, it's for men, it's very linear, the arousal.
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  But for women, it's like, oh, sometimes we actually start having to start engaging
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  sensually, sexually.
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  And it's not until we're engaged in it, like, the arousal comes later.
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  It's like Exactly.
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  You know, twenty minutes into whatever intimate action.
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  It's like, oh,
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  that's not, I'm doing this, but it's sometimes right.
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  So to the extent, since we're work, you know, live and work in a time space continuum to it,
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  to the extent that if your planned time together, your expected time together is later
• 12:28
  in the evening, begin by yourself with yourself, appreciating yourself, literally
• 12:34
  feeling yourself either by touch or just from the inside out.
• 12:39
  Yeah.
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  I think there's so much there.
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  Like, the the concept I like about that is, like, ultimately, we are responsible for
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  turning ourselves on.
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  Right?
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  Like, I love when, you know, partners get to turn us on and all that is amazing.
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  But, ultimately, the more we can, as human beings, turn ourselves on and take that own
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  responsibility, it can it can just get deeper and juicier.
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  And then we get to have all those good hormones and feelings regardless of, you know, what
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  comes next.
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  Right?
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  Exactly.
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  And and and I I I'm gonna be a little biased here, but I but it it is my experience and all
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  of these years walking on the earth and my and my perception that, you know, that those of us
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  who have the, the feminine, you know, partnership aspect really do create the
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  environment.
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  So it's almost like that's our, that's our CEO opportunity to say, okay, this is what it's
• 13:33
  gonna look like this time.
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  This is what I want.
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  And it really does also help us get in touch with, you know, who am I and what do I want to
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  today?
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  This time, this month, this ovulation ovulation cycle, I want to have, I don't know, pink
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  sheets or satin sheets or fur on the, you know, on the, the bed or wherever we're going to be,
• 13:53
  or I wanna have lavender, or I wanna have geranium as as the scent in the background or
• 13:59
  something like that so that we really are creating the the the
• 14:04
  central experience before we step into the room.
• 14:07
  I you're giving me so many good content ideas on this because I think there's you know, one
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  of the things in some of the work I do is, like, around archetypes.
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  Right?
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  And it's like there's all these parts of ourselves.
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  There's, like, the CEO part.
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  There's, like, the tiny, meek, timid part.
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  There's the part that's the teaser.
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  There's the part that's like really owning her sexuality.
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  Absolutely.
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  Different parts.
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  I love me a slut.
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  Yes.
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  So, you know, who who who's coming out and who's coming, hopefully the, this, this time,
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  especially here again, if this is the time that you want to be baby making, try to get out of
• 14:46
  your head and, and really back into your body and your spirit.
• 14:50
  And in Chinese medicine, again, as you know, doctor Diane, you know, red is the color of the
• 14:56
  heart.
• 14:56
  And so, you know, maybe it's eating and we really do ascribe to that.
• 15:00
  It is holistic.
• 15:02
  So you know, maybe wearing red, maybe eating red, you know, it's, is it raspberry or
• 15:07
  strawberry time or is it, oh, I don't know, lobster time.
• 15:12
  If you're going with the proteins, you know, look for the things that really say, oh, yes.
• 15:17
  That because we're reminding ourselves, we're remembering that part of ourselves that is
• 15:23
  sexy, juicy, sensuous, and wanting to connect because that ultimately that's it.
• 15:27
  Right?
• 15:27
  It's the ultimate.
• 15:28
  The beat is connection.
• 15:31
  Yep.
• 15:31
  That's that's why I do this as my number one core value is connection.
• 15:34
  Exactly right.
• 15:35
  Exactly right.
• 15:37
  Yeah.
• 15:37
  So then in women you work with and in couples you work with, you guide them right through the
• 15:42
  process of physical, mental, interrelational ways of supporting them with fertility?
• 15:47
  Is that really what your work is involving?
• 15:50
  That's true.
• 15:50
  Yes.
• 15:50
  I mean, oftentimes when they come to me, they're, they are about to begin an IVF cycle.
• 15:55
  They've, they've kind of, you know, gone through their journey and they're kind of a
• 15:59
  little bit feeling at the, a little desperate, shall we say, a little, little, which means a
• 16:04
  little bit more in their head.
• 16:05
  They know they're also about to undergo injections and, you know, and and things are
• 16:11
  more timed than than one might expect in a in a cycle or a month where you might be trying to
• 16:18
  conceive naturally.
• 16:19
  So all the more I'm trying to help them just, just take, take a step back, go up to 30,000
• 16:26
  feet or 3,000 feet even and say, oh, right.
• 16:30
  I want to have this baby because I love this person.
• 16:33
  And we have decided to do this together because, it is sometimes it can even almost get
• 16:39
  to a place of, conflict or, or, you know, contentiousness while, while one is feeling a
• 16:46
  little bit more cerebral about it and the other is feeling a little bit more left out.
• 16:52
  And again, in the, in the, aspect of IVF, you know, there's a third partner in the room, so
• 16:59
  to speak.
• 16:59
  It's, it's, you know, it's the doctor who's helping to administer, observe, it can, can
• 17:04
  feel very clinical.
• 17:06
  And yet, even though injections are causing, you know, more eggs to grow and more follicles,
• 17:12
  it's still in your body.
• 17:15
  It is still nature and and you want to nurture your nature of your body.
• 17:22
  Yeah.
• 17:22
  I I am really liking that, you know, kind of that awareness, right, of like this is really
• 17:27
  clinical, but yet how do we actually honor that?
• 17:31
  How do we acknowledge that because it has to be, but also how do we keep it where it's still
• 17:36
  embodied, where we're still honoring all the other components of this that are noncerebral?
• 17:41
  So I hope everybody that is also.
• 17:45
  I mean, there are times that I'll just say, oh, IVF that.
• 17:48
  Oh, IVF off.
• 17:52
  That's really
• 17:53
  Or IVF'd up.
• 17:54
  So just just as a way to kind of go, oh, right.
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  This is this is occurring.
• 18:00
  And yet this, you know, it's not happening to me.
• 18:03
  It's happening with me.
• 18:04
  I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm driving this, this ship, so to speak.
• 18:08
  Absolutely.
• 18:09
  Absolutely.
• 18:10
  Well, I'm so glad we got to have this conversation today and wanna make sure
• 18:15
  everybody knows how to get ahold of you because I think you're definitely an amazing resource
• 18:19
  that anybody that needs support with fertility should really know about.
• 18:23
  So how do people get ahold of you?
• 18:24
  Thank you.
• 18:25
  Well, if you're in the San Francisco Bay area and within a geographic, zip code, that
• 18:30
  website, if you will, to get in touch with me in person is doctor.
• 18:33
  Susan fox dot com.
• 18:36
  If you want to, to discuss this sort of outside state lines and more coaching environment, that
• 18:42
  is healthuniversity.co and university is spelled y o u.
• 18:47
  So the universityofu.co.com.
• 18:51
  And we also, if if fertility is a question of for yourself or someone you love, we start with
• 18:56
  a quiz so that we can get into that sort of Chinese medicine, five element model.
• 19:00
  And that site is yourfertilityquiz.com.
• 19:04
  So doctor.
• 19:05
  Susan fox dot com, health university dot co or yourfertilityquiz.com.
• 19:10
  All of them will get you to me.
• 19:12
  Perfect.
• 19:12
  And we'll have all those links in the show notes for you guys.
• 19:15
  And I just want to thank you so much for being here with me today.
• 19:19
  Doctor.
• 19:19
  Susan has been really fun.
• 19:21
  I feel like we should have a longer conversation about Chinese medicine at some
• 19:25
  point, and there's other there's other fun, juicy questions I have going through my head
• 19:28
  for a number.
• 19:30
  So TBD.
• 19:33
  No.
• 19:33
  To be continued, not too big to turn.
• 19:35
  Yes.
• 19:35
  Yes.
• 19:35
  Yes.
• 19:36
  I I look forward to it.
• 19:37
  Thank you so much for having me.
• 19:39
  Oh, wonderful.
• 19:40
  And thank you everybody for tuning in to another episode of the libido lounge.
• 19:45
  Remember, you'll find all of doctor Susan's notes and all of her links in the show notes.
• 19:50
  This is doctor Diane, your libido expert, reminding you to always stay classy, always
• 19:54
  stay sexy, and always be a little badass y.
• 19:58
  We'll see you next time.
• 19:59
  Thank you for listening to the libido lounge.
• 20:02
  Please don't keep me a secret.
• 20:04
  Please share this with your friends.
• 20:05
  You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, as well as how to work with me at mylibido.com.