Latest / Callum Walker | Figuring It Out / Episode 57: Why Fear Holds You Back And How to Break Free [Pt 1]

Transcript

Episode 57: Why Fear Holds You Back And How to Break Free [Pt 1] · Callum Walker | Figuring It Out

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: If fear is the only thing stopping us from achieving our dreams and we only fear what we don't understand, then the antidote to fear is knowledge.
• 0:11
  Speaker 2: All we have to do is find out who
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: has the knowledge that we need to conquer our fears and achieve our entrepreneurial dreams. My name is Callum Walker, and welcome to the podcast that will help you figure it out and conquer this lonely entrepreneurial journey.
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: Hello, everybody, and welcome to the podcast. We've got an exciting drive at the moment. Me and my best friend are going to Wales for the next few days. So Friday, Saturday, Sunday, but it's a bit more of a different journey. So, normally, from Birmingham, it's only about, like, it's only about an hour and a half from Birmingham.
• 0:52
  But if you listen to the last episode, you know I have recently moved house. I have become a southerner. What previously would have been an hour and a half journey is now a three and a half hour journey. But but there's positives because it means I get to do multiple things. This morning, I started off my day excellently listening to my favorite book, Think and Grow Rich, which has had such an important impact on my own life.
• 1:20
  I had some wonderful coffee. And now, I've got two hours left in my journey. So I was like, do you know what I'm gonna do? I am gonna record some podcast episodes because I've got a fair few things to talk to you about actually to So you lovely what is the purpose of today? Well, if if you kinda listen to the the intro of every single one of these podcast episodes, I you know, it starts off with if fear is the only thing stopping us from achieving our dreams.
• 1:55
  That is such an important concept and something to really really you know understand if we really want to achieve whatever it is we're looking to achieve in life. So right now you may have a maybe not a specific goal, but you have an idea that you want to achieve something. I think that there's an incredible amount of pressure in the personal development, the self development world to have this super, super, super crystal clear goal. And and if you don't have this crystal clear goal, then you're never going to have success. But I think the thing that they should really kind of talk to you more about is almost like how to be able to get clear on this specific goal.
• 2:38
  Because I I a 100% agree that, yeah, you do have to have a very, very clear goal because if you don't know what you're actually trying to achieve, then how how do you know what the actions are that you need to take? But if you don't have that clear goal in mind, that doesn't mean you're a failure. I think that there's almost kind of like periods and processes that you have to go through to get to that place where, you know, if you are kind of in a place where you're, you know, you you know that you want to achieve something, that there is something that is just pulling you in one direction, it's just tugging you in a specific way, but you can't quite put your finger on it and you don't have that absolute clarity and certainty as to what it is that you really really want, that's not a problem. Because I think that as long as you keep going on that specific journey and just walking a little bit further down the path towards making that that goal clearer and effectively crystallizing it into something that is tangible and you're like, okay, right.
• 3:51
  I know what that looks like, then that's what's important. Because I think that the first journey you have to go through is really kind of getting clear on asking yourself the question, what is it that I actually want? And that's a really, really challenging question to ask yourself because society never actually really kinda tells us that we can do that. And, you know, whether it's kinda like straight from school, it's very much like this is what you're going to learn. And and I think that's such a shame because really school should be a instead of this is all of the things you have to do, it should be more set up as an opportunity to expose you to multiple things.
• 4:28
  So to expose you to maths, to expose you to science, to expose you to PE, to discover what your unique place in this world actually is, to discover what the things are that actually set you on fire and allow you to get clear on the overall purpose of your life, and therefore then crystallize your goals off the back of it. That's what the school system should be set up to do. So if you don't, you know, have absolute clarity and certainty on what it is that you're really trying to achieve in your life right now and you have absolute certainty on your goal, don't worry. Just keep moving forward along that path and keep asking yourself the question, what is it that I want? What is it that I want?
• 5:08
  And eventually, your brain will reveal you what the answer actually is. But let's say that that answer has been revealed. It may not be absolute certainty and clarity in terms of, like, right, I want to earn this amount of money by this date, and this is how I'm going to do it. That's if your goal is a monetary thing. Or, you know, say for example, I I mentioned in the last episode, one of the main goals and driving thing, forces that I have right now is to really expand this podcast, because I want to.
• 5:39
  I love delivering my podcast. It is something that I feel really good when I'm delivering, and it really excites me. And and a goal is to make it a high quality podcast that I can really kinda get out there. And let's say that you do have this goal. What you'll find is that straight away, as soon as you set a big goal, your mind will kinda like drift straight to, but I couldn't achieve that because I couldn't do that.
• 6:12
  As much as I would like to do that, there is a but. I don't know how or I'm not good enough or whatever. And it yields itself and it yields itself in the form of fear. We're scared. Whether we're scared of, you know, the failure in itself, so that fear of it failing and therefore we then identify as a failure, or whether we're scared of the criticism that will come off the back of really unleashing yourself and putting yourself out there, whether you're someone who may want to start a new career, you may want to start a business, or you may want to get into the fitness industry, for example.
• 6:51
  And you're scared because you have a job right now. It pays you the bills. You know, you're you're good at what you do. It's not particularly challenging, and you've got comfortable where you're at. But to take a leap to go forward into entrepreneurship, that is very, very scary because what if it doesn't work out?
• 7:09
  Then I've got rid of a very high quality pay package and then I would be a failure. That will reveal itself. So it's amazing that almost kind of the price that we have to pay to achieve our real deepest desires, the things that we know would really set us on fire is fear, and and that fear can manifest itself in so many different ways. It can manifest itself in the form of procrastination, so stopping you from taking that action. So almost kind of like putting distractions in the way or giving you alibis and reasons as to why it's not gonna work and pull you away from the direction that you want to kind of plow forward with.
• 7:52
  But let's say that you do go and take that step. You take that step, you put yourself out there, and you begin to manifest this thing and and begin to make it happen. It will start to kinda yield itself in more of a physical sort of form of fear and a physical form of anxiety. So how can I really kinda share this? Well, I think that ever since I started this business, you know, I started my business eight years ago.
• 8:21
  Do know what's interesting actually because I I originally had my original idea was actually to start up a gym. I wanted a gym where people could come to, well, not necessarily a gym, but more of like a facility and a complex that someone could come to, learn how to actually train correctly, learn how to actually eat correctly, learn how to look after yourself correctly, how to cook properly, and that's what I wanted. And it's amazing how you really kinda go on this journey and almost like get away from that because I couldn't I actually don't I definitely don't want that now. But that drive and that desire, it got me started. And if I'd have never got started, then I wouldn't be talking to you right now.
• 9:08
  But the one thing that I do have absolute certainty and clarity on that is the one thing I have always wanted, especially within this business, if I've wanted to be a speaker. I really have. I've always wanted to have a platform to be able to really kind of share my own unique message, my own unique talents and skills that I've been given, and we all have a unique set of talent and skills that we've been given. And I've always wanted to have a platform that I can share that with, and I guess that's probably why I connect so much with this podcast. But the one thing I have always wanted is to be a speaker.
• 9:50
  Now what's really interesting is that I remember when I first attended an event called the ECA Summit. I remember going there and sitting in the audience and just seeing all of these speakers and being like that. That is what I want. That's what I want to do. I want to be a speaker, and specifically, wanna speak at this event.
• 10:14
  I want to speak at this event. And it's amazing because I I kind of I was very, clear on that being the specific goal that I was going after. And what happened was that I kind of approached it with ultimate pig headed discipline. My good friend, MJ Lennon, he was on the podcast actually very recently, a couple of episodes ago. He says I have a PhD, but not an academic PhD.
• 10:41
  I have a PhD referred to as pig headed discipline. And I approached that. I approached that goal and approached that drive with pig headed discipline. And I did absolutely everything to make sure that I could get on that stage. And it's amazing because I was then gifted the opportunity to go and stand on that stage.
• 11:01
  Do know what's really fucked up? As soon as I got gifted that opportunity for about an hour or so, I was so excited. Like, I had this ultimate, like, level of excitement. I'm like, yes. Yes.
• 11:16
  Finally. And this pure accomplishment. And then it kinda dawned on me that, shit, I'm gonna be speaking on a stage in front of 200 plus people. And my mind went straight to what if I fail? What if I fuck up?
• 11:36
  I'm not gonna be good enough. What if I freeze on stage? And I freeze on stage and then everyone reveals like everyone can see that I'm not good enough. And and when I first kinda got that opportunity, I probably didn't have the same level of mental strength that I have now, but I definitely didn't because it really took me. It really overtook me.
• 11:57
  I was kind of fine for, like, a couple of months, but within the almost, like, four week run up to that event, For anyone, this event is the like, you know, it it for me, it's it's the opportunity that I've always asked for. I've always asked for the opportunity to be a speaker, and it's the thing that I've asked for. I've finally been given that opportunity to go and do it, and I've started to approach it with an ultimate amount of fear, anxiety, and worry. And and I was kind of fine until I practiced my lines. And and it was interesting because I I was practicing my practicing my talk, and I froze.
• 12:35
  And I froze. And as soon as I froze, I just went into pure panic mode. I was like, oh my god. No. No.
• 12:43
  This can't happen. No. No. No. And and I will be forever indebted to my brother.
• 12:49
  And also the book, The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, that this absolute fear and anxiety just manifested itself immensely. And this pure panic, And it really kind of like just just sat in my chest. It felt like someone was always standing or almost like standing on my chest. And I was just panicking immense ly around this thing. And then I was almost kinda like hoping that it wasn't going to happen.
• 13:21
  And and the thing that I'm trying to kinda bring up with you here and why am I sharing this, I'm gonna split this into a two part episode because I wanted to first of all share that, like, you know, maybe you've kinda maybe you listened to this and you saw me speak at that event or maybe you see me speak previously and you're like, oh my god. Like, you know, you just seemed so relaxed and calm and you you performed really well. Like, I didn't expect that. Was like, no. Honestly, like, the day before the event at the summit, this was two years ago, I was like, oh my god.
• 13:54
  I was just relentlessly full of anxiety, fear, doubt. I wasn't sleeping. You know that kind of feeling that it's almost like this overwhelming sensation where your body is tingling and you're almost kind of, like, out of your body, whether you've done some form of public speaking before and and this just feeling of just pure panic. It it hit me. So I think that the first thing I want to say is that that is normal.
• 14:22
  It is completely normal. Whenever you you are presented with a new opportunity that will allow you to get what you want, I think just before you are about to go and realize that thing, that it will be the most challenging and the most testing time. When it is dying. So if you've ever done like a marathon or a half marathon or something where you've really kind of like, you know, pushed your physiological goals and you've really kind of got you know, you're you're doing that thing. And what is the hardest part of that?
• 15:18
  It's the last mile. Like, recently, I just did a half marathon trail run-in the Peak District and the last mile, my knees were absolutely battered and that last mile was the hardest, was the most painful. I remember I did, you know, a half marathon a few years ago as well, like, probably about five years ago. It was the first time I'd done one. And, like, the last mile was the hardest.
• 15:46
  And, again, like, you know, just before I was about to get onto stage at the summit, that last mile was sorry. That that last day was the most painful and crippling one. And I think that the way we need to kind of see it is what that pain is, is almost like your final test. Your final test of you need to overcome this hurdle in order to become the person capable of being able to pull off that goal. So that realization for me was one of the the main things that allowed me to overcome that hurdle.
• 16:30
  If you did see me speak the summit, whether it's 2023 or 2024, you'll see I was very, very relaxed. I just had so much fun up there. But the first time, probably within like, you know, the the morning of the morning of I was I was kinda cool and I was kinda calm, but the day beforehand was when I was at my utmost peak of of just pure anxiety. And what was kind of the lesson that I had to learn? I was the final hurdle I had to overcome in order to go and be someone capable of achieving that specific goal?
• 17:14
  Well, it was how to deal with fear and how to deal with anxiety. And that was very, very abundantly clear to me across all areas of my life of really kind of becoming the person who is in charge of my mind and in charge of my brain that even though I'm experiencing this fear, even though I'm experiencing this anxiety, this ultimate doubt, I'm not gonna let it stop me. Now why was that my test? Because previously, I had let it stop me. And to get to the next level, you have to become the person who is the next level version of yourself.
• 18:01
  And I had to become that next level version of myself and I'm going to share in the next episode what it is I did in order to do it because maybe you're at that exact same hurdle right now. Maybe you know what to do but you're scared to do it. That maybe you've even kind of taken those first steps and that fear is starting to manifest itself. It's starting to manifest itself in the form of that physical anxiety, that dread, that worry, that doubt, and maybe it's getting to a place where it's potentially overwhelming you.
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: If you are in that place,
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: then I will share with you the lesson that really kind of helped me in the next episode. But see it as that this is just the test I need to overcome to become the person capable and worthy of achieving that goal. And I think that if you haven't achieved whatever it is that you want to achieve right now, it's because you're not the person capable and worthy of achieving that. Now that's not me putting you down and saying it's not because you're it's because you're not good enough. Like, you can see it one of two ways.
• 19:12
  You can see it as, oh, I'm not good enough. I suck. I'm a suck. Shit. Or you can see it, I'm not good enough right now.
• 19:18
  So what is it that I need to do? Who is it that I need to become in order to be good enough, in order to be capable of achieving that specific goal, that specific desire. Who do I need to become? What are the hurdles that I need to overcome in order to get there? And that is a very, very exciting journey that you can go on because if you can identify what you want and what the key hurdle is that is getting in your way, then that's the only thing you need to do.
• 19:49
  And for me, the key thing that was getting in my way in my life was allowing fear, anxiety, and that voice telling me that I'm not good enough. I'm focusing on the potentiality for failure. That was the thing I had to overcome. Even within something as simple as my golf game. That I I I I'm a very good golfer, but I let my I have previously let myself down when it came to the crucial parts of the big putts.
• 20:17
  So if you've never played golf before, you probably won't understand what I'm talking about here. But for all of you golfers, effectively, there are many a time in a game of golf where it's come down to me that I have one very, very short and simple putt that I have done thousands and thousands and thousands of times. But when it has come to the moment when I need to put it in the hole that I had failed previously, I'd allowed fear, anxiety, and the worry of, oh my god, what if I miss to overwhelm me. And off the back of that, do know what happened? I missed.
• 20:50
  I kept missing. But you know what's interesting? It's so it's so amazing how how these sort of sort of of happened. I I had a I played golf with, a couple of my best friends on Wednesday, and we had a pretty important match on Wednesday. And there was a putt on the seventeenth hole which was a must make putt.
• 21:09
  It was a must make putt that I needed to make it because it was a very simple putt. And the only reason why I wouldn't make that putt would be if I allowed fear, anxiety, and the worry of missing that putt to overtake me and overwhelm me. And previously if I was the person who hadn't overcome the hurdle that I have over the past eighteen months, I'd have missed that putt. How do I know that? Because I've missed that putt thousands of times, but I'm a different person now and I have a different toolkit to overcome that and I know exactly what is happening.
• 21:45
  So I've been able to override the the worry, the feeling, and the fear of what if I miss. And you know what? I'm now the putt. Same with when I spoke at the summit this year. Yeah.
• 22:00
  I had that fear and that anxiety, but it wasn't as powerful anymore. I had power over it versus it having power over me. And I think that that is the ultimate journey you can go on because if you can if you can really do that, I really do believe that that is the way that you can write your own ticket in life as to what it is that I want. And that fear and that anxiety is going to come up, but if you can use it in a constructive way as opposed to a destructive way and have a very, clear toolkit to allow you to use it for the real purpose as to why it is there because it is not there to cripple you. It is there to aid you, but the problem is off the back of our old conditioning, what do I mean by our old conditioning?
• 22:50
  Our old past experiences, all of those words that people have said to you that you are not good enough, that it then has power over you and tears you down as opposed to builds you up. So the first step to overcoming that anxiety, that fear, that worry, that dread that can cripple you, that can break you down is to know that it is there for a reason to aid you, not pull you down. Having that awareness first up is the most important thing. And I'm gonna share with you why, and I'm gonna share with you in the next episode how you can use it to positively enhance your ability to achieve your goals so you can have power over it and you can use it. So never forget, if every single one of your clients gave you just one new client, you've doubled your business.