Latest / Cage Match: A Roundabout Way of Meeting Nicolas Cage / The Death of "Superman Lives": What Happened?

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The Death of "Superman Lives": What Happened? · Cage Match: A Roundabout Way of Meeting Nicolas Cage

0:01
Oh, God. So you didn't have a big jersey, huh,
0:23
Sean? No. Couldn't be bothered to put on your
0:26
bowling shirt. I'd have to get. Are you doing
0:29
stand up? You'd have to do meth under the bed?
0:32
What? Yeah, that's where my bullet shirts live.
0:36
In the meth? In the meth. Just doused in meth.
0:41
Just doused in meth. Where do you think I got
0:43
them from? Well, that makes more sense. I like
0:46
to think that there's just some meth head like
0:48
subletting underneath Sean's bed. Oh, yeah. And
0:53
they won't give him certain items down there
0:55
unless he does meth with them. That's the shittiest
0:57
reboot of Parasite I've heard of. sounds terrific
1:02
i mean if you like having a meth head under your
1:06
bed i just i mean i mean like you know just claustrophobic
1:10
it feels like oh yeah i wouldn't do it no that
1:13
sounds terrible i don't think that's good oh
1:15
man i'd get so wiggly under there you'd be trying
1:20
to sleep and i'd just be stern about on meth
1:24
and shit we've we've talked about my friend back
1:27
back east oh yeah we know We remember the meth
1:30
friend. Yeah. The fastest skanker in the West.
1:33
Jesus. Good Lord. Oh, man. Well, fuck. Welcome
1:38
all to the the schnep zone. Schnep zone. Hold
1:44
on. I didn't see all of the animated titles and
1:46
everything. Schnep zone. Oh, my God. Cut that
1:51
shit out. Only the neighbor's dog. You're fine.
1:55
You're in here. I thought you were talking about
1:56
this. Yeah, I know. Hey, quit chastising me.
1:59
I don't care if it's the neighbor's dog or not.
2:00
Sean, there was a coyote. I had to bark at it.
2:04
We're in the Schnapp zone, after all. We're in
2:06
the Schnapp zone. God. Oh, my goodness. Yeah,
2:10
I loved that. Was that that guy's last name?
2:12
John Schnapp. John Schnapp. Yeah. Who apparently
2:15
crowdfunded the whole thing. That's kind of cool.
2:18
I was reading up on it. It's a documentary? Yeah.
2:21
He was the documentarian? Also the interviewer.
2:26
Or the guy that would just sit off to the side
2:28
and do this. No, he has the same active listening
2:32
skills that I have. For those listening, Josh
2:34
is nodding his head approvingly. Yeah. See, I
2:39
know how to do audio medium. Which is why we're
2:43
all wearing our finest jerseys. Exactly. We had
2:47
to channel our Kevin Smith. Oh, is that where
2:50
the joke came from? Kevin Smith? It's the Kevin
2:53
Smith of it all. Yeah, that's fair. Did you guys
2:56
wear shorts to go with him? I'm wearing my shortest
2:59
shorts, which is very not Kevin Smith. I'm not
3:01
wearing pants at all. Hey, there you go. Oh,
3:04
look at that Marty McThigh right there. I'm wearing
3:08
a skirt. And nothing else. Luckily, they're not
3:12
nearly flexible enough for that to have been
3:14
a problem. I'm not. Speaking of. Marty McSci.
3:25
Yeah, I went back in time. We're doing that episode
3:27
again. It's back to the Flash. I was going to
3:30
try and make a joke about how Nick Cage couldn't
3:32
move in the Superman costume, but I couldn't
3:35
get there. So we're talking about the death of
3:36
Superman lives. Also, this is Cage Magical. And
3:38
roundabout, we meet Nicolas Cage. I'm Sean. 10
3:43
for 10. Stuck that landing. You really pulled
3:46
it out. I'm Nick. I'm good at pulling it out.
3:49
I'm producer. Hi, all. Hey, we got. serious.
3:55
No, we got Josh here with us. yeah yeah um hi
3:59
what's up is this your fourth time no this is
4:02
my second time second time yeah i've only done
4:04
it this is my second time yeah so you're not
4:06
part of the fisters i'm not no i'm not sorry
4:09
i'm not but i am an inaugural sparkle buddy that
4:13
is true yeah um i just want to say um you guys
4:16
uh are shameful uh it sucks that you can't get
4:20
the title of this movie right it is the death
4:24
of superman lives colon what went wrong question
4:27
mark. Or yeah, what happened? Question mark.
4:30
You didn't even get it right. I got it closer
4:34
than you guys did. That's true. That wasn't Sean's
4:38
finest entry into this. Far from your worst.
4:42
Far from your worst, that is true. I did enjoy
4:44
the I'm good at pulling out joke. That was funny.
4:48
Very solid. Well, I was hoping we could get onto
4:52
something that I was hoping somewhere in this
4:55
like preamble someone would mention abortion
4:57
i was thinking and i was gonna say speaking of
4:59
things that should have been aborted this podcast
5:01
you just thought we were gonna randomly dance
5:03
our way into abortion i mean there's been weirder
5:07
things but oh my god that's a big gamble somebody
5:13
in this movie does describe superman lives as
5:16
tim burton's aborted superman film so i thought
5:19
that's true that's true that's a fair point this
5:23
is yeah but like you can abort a lot of things
5:26
without it having to refer to like an abortion
5:29
that's true a space launch can be aborted yeah
5:35
of the same magnitude as this podcast off the
5:39
top this movie not the not the documentary but
5:44
the superman lives would have been awful and
5:48
i'm sad we never got to see it yeah some of that
5:51
the artwork um just the the the obsession with
5:56
a like a skull spaceship yeah although that model
6:02
does look oh yeah no i do like that one of the
6:04
other production companies was super skull ship
6:06
incorporated for this and that model did fuck
6:10
it really did that was awesome yeah so i this
6:15
one's weird it's hard to talk about it so for
6:18
for the casual listener nick cage was going to
6:21
play superman and we talked about this for years
6:25
yeah and he was going to be in this movie directed
6:28
by tim burton kind of riding on the tail end
6:30
of like batman fame you know and it would have
6:36
been weird as fuck and probably bad but maybe
6:41
cool definitely cool two things can be true and
6:46
i don't know it it's just so this documentary
6:49
is just kind of detailing the the downfall of
6:52
this movie which i think it's interesting to
6:55
have josh on the podcast for this because you
6:57
you work in media production yeah and i don't
7:00
know if there's a direct correlation between
7:02
the type of stuff that you do and like a full
7:04
scale ass movie but like dealing with big companies
7:08
and dealing with multiple people with opinions
7:11
yes and what that can do to abort yep a creative
7:16
concept oh yeah yeah i was uh i was on a uh a
7:23
project for an unnamed company that was going
7:26
to be a promotional um commercial venture um
7:30
and um we was it sears yes yes yes yes um Yes,
7:37
it was. And we got like really deep into the
7:40
edit. And then I got a call and I had to take
7:43
it in the hallway. And then I walked back in
7:46
after that call. That call was we are canceling
7:48
the project. We're pulling all remaining funding.
7:51
Please have your editor stop work, save their
7:54
progress and then leave the studio. And I wonder
8:00
what happened to the director that put together
8:02
this series of ads. uh it's uh really really
8:07
interesting yeah so like i i've lived through
8:09
that um i wouldn't say that i've been in 500
8:13
fights or know the taste of someone else's blood
8:15
like john peters but have you licked the sweat
8:18
off of a man a man's back before that guy that
8:21
guy was uh something else yeah i mean that's
8:24
really the the whole reason this project came
8:28
to fruition and ultimately the reason this project
8:31
fucking died was this producer john peters is
8:36
an insane person yeah oh wait hold on i forgot
8:38
to do this hold on oh yeah you should have been
8:42
just picturing imagine in your mind's eye on
8:45
the ceiling yeah i've got my hands up i'm looking
8:47
at my brain movie theater yeah all right now
8:50
keep talking so like clearly he he's like the
8:56
two sides to every story whatever there's a billion
8:58
sides to every story but very clearly this guy
9:00
seems like a fucking lunatic and he managed to
9:03
get the rights for superman like kind of accidentally
9:06
it's like it's just sort of like basically fell
9:09
off of a from the salkins which is crazy because
9:11
do you know the like history of the salkins with
9:13
the superman franchise they were trying to make
9:16
this superman franchise throughout the entire
9:18
70s to the point that they would constantly rent
9:20
um a plane with a banner and fly it over con
9:26
uh can film festival every year saying superman
9:30
coming soon and this was like in 1972 or 73 and
9:35
that movie didn't come out until 78 like they
9:39
they were pretty protective of the franchise
9:41
too up into the point of of the last one with
9:45
christopher reeve in it right that was i'm glad
9:48
we got to see some of the uh some of the uh footage
9:50
from the epk in that one um like superman putting
9:54
the didn't have the same you know weight to it
10:01
when he was in a wheelchair really trying to
10:09
get josh to spit up his beer you almost got a
10:11
full spit take yeah no i didn't want to no i
10:13
don't want to ruin the equipment yeah yeah the
10:16
equipment these are the real podcast mics that's
10:19
right Can you like in three sentences or like
10:23
give me five sentences, describe that last Superman
10:26
movie you were talking about? Cause I don't,
10:28
I don't know that I've seen it before, but I
10:30
just want a quick recap on that one. I've never
10:32
seen it. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. No, the, um, the quest
10:35
for peace. Yeah. Yeah. What happens? Oh no, that's
10:39
the one where he flies back in time around the
10:41
planet. No, that's the first one. That's the
10:43
very first one. Oh yeah. Is this the one where
10:46
he takes nukes away from people? yes okay how
10:49
does he do that hold on the nukes one is superman
10:51
3 right oh my god yeah it's not even the quest
10:53
for peace superman 4 is the one where he's still
10:56
trying to make peace fighting a guy that's also
10:59
powered by the sun i think right okay that tracks
11:02
like that looks vaguely like dolph lundgren is
11:06
he -man and masters of the universe right it
11:09
is you know it is off -brand dolph lundgren yeah
11:11
yeah 100 which dolph lundgren already sounds
11:15
like a name of an off -brand toy it does you
11:19
know what um this is oh man it's like a turtle's
11:23
like adjacent thing and he's actually a dolphin
11:26
just so you guys know um um he's also a coug
11:35
he went to grad school at washington state yeah
11:38
no apparently like he's a math and science genius
11:40
it's nuts yeah dolphin yeah dolphins are smart
11:46
man That's true. Yeah. All right. Here's the
11:49
log line. With the world on the brink of a nuclear
11:51
war, Superman takes it upon himself to destroy
11:55
all nuclear weapons. Oh, Nick was right. However,
11:58
Lex Luthor creates Nuclear Man, a force strong
12:01
enough to take down Superman. Jesus Christ. Oh,
12:04
man. Okay. And we could get a Nicolas Cage Superman.
12:10
Yeah. If we got a job. Yeah. If we got a job.
12:14
What kind of job? I don't know. Handjob? Handjob.
12:17
Nice. I didn't realize that they were just that
12:21
him with the long hair was not intentional. They
12:25
were just trying to get a wig look that they
12:28
were going to trim back. Right. And then like
12:31
he was like, no, I kind of like it. Well, and
12:34
also, as we talked about last episode, they did
12:37
have that like 90s era long hair Superman. You
12:40
know, it was kind of. And they bring it up in
12:42
this movie. Yeah. Yeah. I was going to say. John
12:45
Peter's fucking weirdo, but this movie kind of
12:48
starts with people talking about how fucking,
12:51
what's, did the X -Men movies, did Superman Returns?
12:55
Oh, Bryan Singer. Bryan Singer. Got it first.
12:58
Famous pedophile, Bryan Singer. Yes. Correct.
13:02
How he would just walk around with a folder and
13:04
anytime anyone would like question a decision
13:07
he'd made, he would show them a picture of Nicolas
13:09
Cage's Superman and be like, we're not making
13:11
this. Oh yeah. Yeah, no, he's a catty bitch.
13:14
Yeah. And this is the person who has made the
13:18
most forgettable Superman movie. Yeah, for sure.
13:22
For sure. OK, wait, I kind of think I know which
13:26
one that is, but I only kind of remember watching
13:28
it once. Sean, can you refresh me on that Superman
13:32
movie? What it was? Superman had at one point
13:37
consensual sense with Lois Lane, but then erased
13:40
from memory. So then she had his child, but.
13:43
Did not remember it. And Lex Luthor's trying
13:47
to do something with like making like beachfront
13:49
property. Making land. Oh yeah, I kind of remember
13:53
that. What's his face? Who was Lex Luthor? Kevin
14:01
Spacey. Yeah, that's right. Of course, that guy.
14:03
And Cal Penn, famously funny, talky face guy,
14:08
Cal Penn is a silent henchman the entire film.
14:12
Sick. Yeah. I think his only line in the film
14:15
is a Wilhelm scream. Oh, that's pretty incredible.
14:21
Well, that sounds terrible. Yeah, it's got Brandon
14:23
Routh in it, who does fine because they don't
14:26
give him much to do. But it does have that sick
14:28
ass scene of the bullet hitting Superman's eye.
14:30
Yep. Superman sounds like more of the villain,
14:33
though, in this film. Like if I had to think
14:35
of like man creates land versus. man erases lady's
14:41
memory to have his child yeah with no knowledge
14:45
of it yeah like what does she just wake up and
14:49
be like uh what's this going on in me i think
14:52
i have to shit giant singer was obsessed with
14:56
doing a sequel to donner's director's cut of
15:01
superman 2 but at the time nobody had seen that
15:05
movie because it hadn't been released it was
15:07
just like astute like insider studio thing so
15:10
like no one knew what the fuck was going on yeah
15:13
and that that's why it has the tone and like
15:15
even used like the john williams score and everything
15:18
like that and brandon routh kind of vaguely resembling
15:22
a young christopher reeves you know um so yeah
15:27
no it's kind of kind of interesting also like
15:29
making land out of kryptonite yeah you know It's
15:33
ugly. Once you get into the details, it doesn't
15:37
sound a lot better than what Superman was doing.
15:40
Also responsible for the death of Cyclops in
15:44
the worst X -Men movie in the original trilogy,
15:47
because Marsden went over to do Superman and
15:51
got fucking shit -canned from X -Men, so they
15:55
killed him off. Oklahoma boy as well. But yes,
16:00
so going back to the movie that could have been.
16:04
So the movie starts out, or this documentary
16:08
starts out really talking about the fact that
16:09
this movie is split with like three script writers
16:12
to start with. The whole thing is, and the reason
16:15
we're wearing these fucking jerseys and I'm hot,
16:17
is Kevin Smith was the first screenwriter for
16:20
this movie. Second. Second, sorry. The original
16:24
movie was like Superman. reborn yeah so sorry
16:28
there's like three that are relevant for this
16:31
yeah you know he kind of got pulled into it um
16:34
and his version is like a dork version right
16:38
like it's it's super comic book heavy you know
16:41
you have to know all the shit it's the flash
16:43
you know it's like the movie doesn't work if
16:45
you don't know all the fucking lore right what
16:47
were the three rules he was given when he was
16:49
given the job i don't want to see him fly i don't
16:52
want to see the suit and what was the third one
16:55
um giant spider giant spider that's right giant
16:58
spider yeah just a little thing we like to call
17:01
the giant spider yeah but what is it the thanagarian
17:04
thanagarian snatch beast snare beast snare beast
17:09
better though some of those illustrations of
17:12
the of the snare beast had a snatch beast they
17:15
were definitely snatch beasts there for sure
17:19
yeah i don't know why he was so so he like loved
17:22
ninjas he really wanted a bunch of fucking street
17:24
brawls no john peters of course i love that he
17:27
wanted superman to fight ninjas yeah yeah i mean
17:32
like what's the fucking point cocaine's a hell
17:34
of a drug man like oh man he sounds like the
17:37
worst possible producer you could ever get it's
17:40
like he he brings his kids into the studio to
17:42
be like we hate that and then he and then he
17:45
takes a phone call in the middle of the interview
17:47
of the documentary that's being filmed and and
17:50
and poor jeff jeff schnapp john john schnapp
17:53
just sits back and is just like chugging bottles
17:56
of arrowhead water yeah i'm like oh my god That's
18:01
what it's like in this schnep zone. I mean, like
18:04
he made the decision also to cut cut to him drinking
18:07
the water. And I'm like, yeah, OK, cool. All
18:09
right. All right. Like John Peters not only would
18:11
bring his kids in to kids and multiple wives
18:16
and or like affairs or baby mamas, but then would
18:21
also like just start like physically assaulting.
18:25
Yep. The cast or the people working on the film?
18:29
Yeah, the crews mostly. I don't think he would
18:31
assault cast members. Well, we never got to a
18:34
movie, so. Yeah. It's a real David O. Russell,
18:37
George Clooney situation also at that point.
18:41
fighting on like three kings or whatever um but
18:45
yeah so i hate to say but i've never seen three
18:47
kings oh that's now it's it's pretty good it's
18:50
pretty good it's pretty good can you tell me
18:52
in three sentences why i should watch it uh yeah
18:55
king two king three king yeah i mean like it's
18:57
guts those aren't sentences so king green king
19:00
what is it george clooney marky mark in spike
19:05
jones right i don't watch anything with marky
19:08
mark in it oh yeah you'll have a good time it
19:11
are are in uh desert storm they recover some
19:16
some sort of valuable some money like a thing
19:19
of money or whatever in kuwait and they're going
19:22
to like fuck off with it um but then they come
19:26
across all of these refugees that are displaced
19:28
and so it becomes a situation where are they
19:31
going to do the right thing or are they going
19:32
to have you know fuck off with the money whatever
19:34
yada yada yada it's it's pretty good at what
19:37
point does superman stop them though oh that's
19:40
a good question it's when they get the nukes
19:41
yes yeah oh that's where it's a direct sequel
19:44
to superman 4 yeah it's like 3 .5 that would
19:48
be a prequel well you give them the whole story
19:51
and then at the end superman steals the nukes
19:53
okay gotcha okay just he time traveled he just
19:55
flew around the earth real fast so he did that
19:58
again it's a special trick there was okay there
20:02
was a terrible show where it was set in an office
20:05
but in metropolis like in the dc universe and
20:09
uh it had ron franches and it had danny pootie
20:11
and there was like an episode where i saw this
20:15
like yeah everyone's it started off someone right
20:17
on the news like Lois Lane died and everyone's
20:19
like, sweet, free day. And like the new guy's
20:22
like, what? And then like Ron Funcher just throws
20:24
someone out a window. It's like, what the fuck
20:26
are you doing? He's like, Superman's about to
20:27
turn the shit around. We can do whatever we want.
20:32
Yeah, I vaguely recall seeing an episode of that
20:34
one day. Yeah, I think I watched one or two of
20:36
those. It was bad. Yeah, I think that's why I
20:40
ended at one. Alan Tudyk played like Bruce Wayne's
20:44
like second cousin. Oh my God. um so yeah the
20:48
death of superman returns colon what happened
20:50
yeah what happened what happened what happened
20:54
i feel like i'm asking what happened a lot today
20:57
already so it's it's it's crazy so like you know
21:02
you have the you have kevin smith um then they
21:04
replace him with um uh the screenwriter for uh
21:09
batman returns that worked with um tim burton
21:12
on it wesley strick yeah wesley strick um i didn't
21:15
know anything about superman yeah doesn't know
21:17
anything about superman isn't really big on superhero
21:21
movies somehow wrote batman returns just a tim
21:25
burton yeah just yeah just a tim burton mouthpiece
21:28
and then like meets him in the lobby of the chateau
21:32
marmont had to name drop where they met um and
21:35
it's like so i read the kevin smith script i
21:38
don't even want to talk about it says tim burton
21:41
um and then they start diving down delving into
21:45
whatever story they're going to tell whatever
21:47
they're going to concoct and what they pull together
21:51
is pretty weird it's a you know like there's
21:55
a lot of um a lot of illuminated healing suits
21:59
and uh And like a space baby robot, a space baby
22:04
robot that like latches on to Superman's back
22:07
and looks like a cat that slowly grows into the
22:10
size of Superman to hold him and nurture him
22:13
back to health. And then at some point would
22:16
maybe turn into Jor -El or something like that.
22:20
Yeah. Like the idea was to do the death of Superman,
22:24
death and resurrection of Superman, which, you
22:27
know, fucking big swing worked in the comics
22:29
in the nineties. And just kind of, they were
22:31
going to have like multiple suits, including
22:33
one that like had like bioluminescent stuff.
22:35
And like all the photos we've, the famous photos
22:39
of Nick Cage, like in that suit that we've seen,
22:42
they point out that was only going to be a two
22:44
minute scene. The final suit that they did like
22:47
wind up like putting in and looks pretty solid.
22:50
like the one where he has the short hair and
22:52
he's doing the punch toward the camera yeah yeah
22:54
that one yeah like the final suit was actually
22:56
pretty solid yeah watching all of the iterations
22:59
of the suit and how like much effort they put
23:03
into it and when they had to like start like
23:05
vacuum forming like clear plastic and just have
23:09
it like armadillo shell around itself and it
23:11
was just built of all these pieces like fucking
23:14
cool like this is really neat actually yeah the
23:17
work that they're doing with like trying to figure
23:18
out the cape dynamics and everything it's like
23:20
this is actually pretty cool yeah like it was
23:22
nice to see like the the test footage that they
23:25
shot and everything like that you know i um i
23:28
appreciated seeing that i appreciated seeing
23:30
the art i could have lived without the reenactments
23:33
that would have been part of the movie yeah that
23:35
was weird yeah this movie like throughout when
23:39
they're describing scenes they have like Live
23:42
action and animated reenactments of these scenes
23:45
with people who, if you were very drunk and squinted
23:49
and looking in the opposite direction, kind of
23:52
resemble Nick Cage. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean,
23:57
like, I'm like, I. So like obviously had access
24:02
to some some elements of the production, then
24:05
created whole cloth new things to fill it. I'm
24:08
wondering, like, I want to see this budget from
24:11
this crowdsourcing campaign so I can tell where
24:15
the money went. Also, I mean, like nitpicking
24:19
and everything like that, getting microphones
24:21
that work, especially when you're talking to
24:23
Tim Burton. Oh, my God. That was driving me fucking
24:27
crazy. Yeah. what happened what happened i don't
24:32
know what happened what happened wait hold on
24:35
are we saying that we're now talking about the
24:37
death of superman lives colon what happened question
24:40
mark with microphone what happened yeah specifically
24:44
guys seriously that microphone the thing i mean
24:49
as a former illustrator and someone who wanted
24:51
to like go into comic art my entire life i did
24:53
love seeing all of the all of the artists they
24:57
brought together like they had such an amazing
24:59
team of artists so varied um so insane um like
25:04
the first guy we're introduced to in the film
25:05
i wish i could remember his name um when he's
25:08
talking about he's like so the day before i was
25:11
hired uh on to uh do the matrix and then i got
25:14
a call from tim burton that uh we're gonna do
25:16
superman and i called up the matrix and i'm like
25:19
i quit i'm gonna go to superman he was the one
25:22
that that was like why were you he was the one
25:24
that was like at first going like why are there
25:28
ninjas i remember him saying that in the documentary
25:31
and then and then schnapp like comes in and it's
25:34
like well maybe they just watch the matrix and
25:37
i'm like oh buddy you just don't bring that up
25:39
when he was talking about how he quit the matrix
25:41
to do this movie they're sensitive it's a sensitive
25:43
topic yep oh well also just like when brainiac
25:49
shows up at uh the fortress of solace is like
25:51
where's the fight it's like what fight like it's
25:54
like it's the fortress of solitude no one's there
25:55
where's superman's guard why would superman need
25:57
guards i did love the animation of like zapping
26:02
the polar bear to death like what the fuck i
26:05
like that there was just a secondary script with
26:08
a statue of the polar bear yeah yeah not everyone
26:12
just statutes there well i love kevin smith talking
26:15
kevin smith's talking about that And his response
26:18
was like, why would Superman have guards? Like
26:20
I was telling my friend about it and he was just
26:23
like, why would Superman need guards? Like I
26:24
fucking know. I mean, like I know that there's
26:27
always like two versions of the truth whenever
26:29
something breaks down and everything like that.
26:32
Like just based on on this documentary alone,
26:36
I'm leaning more to the Kevin Smith side of everything.
26:40
Yeah. Yeah. It seems reasonable that John Peters
26:44
is a total fucking lunatic. Yeah. Yeah. gotta
26:47
have a giant spider giant spider yeah it's just
26:49
fucking crazy i did love all the tim burton interview
26:52
stuff where john schnapp is just sitting next
26:55
to a skeleton on the couch yeah like tim burton
26:57
has like a creepy puppet behind yeah like a creepy
26:59
creepy uh seahorse it was what the hell is yeah
27:03
no um yeah no this movie um is this documentary
27:07
is interesting i kind of do wish that they could
27:10
have made that movie but like unfortunately warner
27:15
brothers was going through like a real real bad
27:18
time oh man when they go through that rogues
27:21
gallery of all the movies that oh yeah gift it
27:23
oh yeah steal it's like here's the budget here's
27:27
this yeah here's the box office oh man maybe
27:31
five percent of their money back terrible it's
27:34
just awful well i also loved how at the end of
27:37
this thing um John Peters was just like, I was
27:40
going to make this movie no matter what. But
27:42
then we made Wild Wild West and I just kind of
27:44
got distracted. Yeah. I was like, well, let me
27:47
take that thing I really wanted. This was all
27:50
just a pet project for a giant spider. Yeah.
27:53
He got his spider. He did get his spider. Did
27:57
you guys watch Wild Wild West? Oh, yeah. That
28:00
movie sucks. That movie sucks out loud. I'm pretty
28:03
sure I've seen it, but I don't remember anything
28:05
about it. It's terrible. maybe i've only seen
28:08
the spiders yeah i mean you've definitely seen
28:11
is it kenneth brada yeah he's the bad guy yeah
28:14
yeah is he like a train conductor you get spider
28:17
you get spiderized yep oh you get he's got like
28:20
a spider body spidered yeah and then he also
28:23
has a giant spider he's got spider legs oh okay
28:26
no i remember the clip of him being like basically
28:29
like a wheelchair spider yeah yeah basically
28:32
the brainiac of it all yeah yeah God, it's great.
28:36
He got all the shit that he wanted. John Peters.
28:39
You know what? He got his three things. He didn't
28:42
see him fly, he didn't see the Superman suit,
28:45
and he got a giant spider. Those motherfuckers
28:48
fly in that movie. They've got a fucking ship.
28:50
But it's not Superman flying. I remember at one
28:55
point early on in the thing when they're talking
28:58
about the initial script and the initial concept
29:01
of Lex Luthor finding clark's ship and like clark
29:07
realizing as an adult that he's an alien that
29:09
he's an alien yeah yeah and having to cope with
29:12
that yeah so like there was going to be this
29:14
entire like like mopey nick cage coping with
29:18
the fact that he's an alien in his adulthood
29:20
and then like the weird um idea that clark kent's
29:24
more of the weird presence than superman is and
29:28
everything like that you know i kind of I wish
29:31
we could have explored that more and seen anything
29:33
of that. You know, there was no script that they
29:35
were working off of. You know, it was just him
29:37
being like, could I wear it? Could I wear a Mickey
29:39
Mouse T -shirt? Yeah, man, fucking put it on,
29:43
you weirdo. Just all of the costume tests that
29:45
they were doing in that one hotel room and just
29:47
like all the half -assed jokes that they were
29:49
making to one another and like laughing at that
29:52
are not really funny. No. Yeah, but it was like
29:55
the 90s and you were in a room with Nicolas Cage
29:59
and Tim Burton. Yeah, that was something else.
30:05
Just Nick Cage is standing kind of like looked
30:09
like me a little bit when I first started college.
30:12
Long hair, glasses, you know, I was like, OK,
30:14
yeah, it was really skinny at that time, too.
30:17
So, yeah, just like, OK, no, that was that was.
30:22
Yeah, I relate. Those those pieces, the screen
30:25
test pieces, I think, were what were most interesting.
30:28
Oh, for sure. I mean, some of the interview stuff
30:30
is good with Burton and any of the artists. I
30:32
think all those are pretty good. You know, just
30:34
talking about like crazy concept art that they
30:37
were just working on. But that that was like
30:39
the most charming bit of it, even though it's
30:41
like super rinky dink. Yeah. You know, and maybe
30:44
it's because we're doing this podcast and we
30:46
like Nick Cage. But like that definitely is the
30:48
stuff that like stood out the most to me. Yeah.
30:51
But there's only so much of that archival footage
30:53
to go around. And you really couldn't make a
30:55
whole movie off of that. No. And they really
30:57
tried. Yeah. Tried really hard. This whole movie
31:01
could have been summed up in like five minutes
31:03
of archival footage. Yeah. And maybe 13 minutes
31:07
of just getting through the story. And just dogging
31:10
on John Peters. Yeah. Yeah. You could have a
31:12
blooper reel that was all just John Peters after
31:15
credits roll. You could do that. I mean, the
31:16
part of it that drove me crazy is as you get
31:19
through like. most of this fucking movie it's
31:21
an hour and 45 something like that 45 yeah like
31:25
an hour and 20 they're like so then we were gonna
31:27
we're gonna talk about one of the three main
31:29
villains it's like yeah who gives a shit seriously
31:33
the movie's dead already at this point yeah no
31:35
one fucking cares about i don't even remember
31:37
who the the big bad they were talking about there's
31:39
gonna be no brainiacs brainiac lex luther and
31:42
at one point they were gonna like emerge yeah
31:44
i did like and be like a manny head situation
31:47
something like yeah luthiac what do they call
31:49
it luthiac yeah dumb Yeah, this whole documentary
31:53
could have been summed up in a series of vines,
31:56
I feel like. Oh, absolutely. As long as they
31:58
keep the clip of Nick Cage looking at himself
32:01
in the mirror in the suit and waxing poetic about
32:05
sparkle dust. Oh, yeah. I do like the idea that
32:11
Nick Cage just sometimes looks at himself and
32:14
recites poetry. He probably does. Just catches
32:18
himself in a mirror. Talks about sparkle dust
32:21
in his eyes. And the Inuit clapped. Inuit clapped.
32:26
I was really worried at the start of the thing,
32:30
at the start of the documentary, because like
32:32
all the initial like people he was like talking
32:35
to at the convention, it was just like Joseph
32:38
Johnson, Superman fan. Sarah Bumfuck, Superman
32:43
fan. Yeah. Yeah, it was. also with uh mics that
32:49
didn't work oh yeah yeah uh the real question
32:52
though what do you guys classify nerd geek or
32:55
sweaty right now right now definitely sweaty
33:02
i really wish he could have gotten an interview
33:05
with the guy who did those uh those pictures
33:09
behind magic the gathering players like with
33:12
their butt cracks you know i'm talking about
33:15
that guy if he could have gotten an interview
33:18
with him about this nicholas cage superman movie
33:21
yeah would have tied it all together they could
33:24
have done it like squatted behind some dude's
33:27
butt crack beautiful art i do wish this movie
33:31
existed yeah yeah i think i would have hated
33:34
it yeah But I think I would have. I mean, it
33:38
definitely would have hit some type of cult status
33:39
eventually. I don't think it wouldn't have worked.
33:42
Fucking Chris Rock as Jimmy Olsen. As Jimmy Olsen.
33:45
And then coming to set of Dogbine bragging about
33:48
it. Well, and also Christopher Walken as Brainiac
33:50
would have been fucking awesome. That would have
33:53
been great. Yeah, that would have been great.
33:55
Who did who were they talking about for Lex Luthor
33:57
again? I think it was Kevin Spacey. Oh, you know
34:03
what? I. here's here's where i'm like maybe maybe
34:07
john peters doesn't have the best judgment because
34:09
he was talking about and he's really great at
34:11
impressions and it cuts to kevin spacey doing
34:13
like the worst walking god it was so bad at an
34:16
award or no at a like a like a roaster or not
34:20
a roast but like it was some sort of awards yeah
34:22
yeah it was an award ceremony christopher couldn't
34:24
be here you would say this and it's like oh my
34:26
god it was like okay you know you sound like
34:28
just anybody hanging out with friends doing a
34:31
bad christopher walken I also liked how John
34:34
Peters just straight up says, I don't read so
34:36
good. Like he has the script writer come in to
34:43
his home. He lays on a couch, puts his hands
34:46
up so he can like visualize the screen in front
34:47
of him and has the writer read the script to
34:50
him. Yeah. Which I will agree with him. You get
34:54
more intonation. If you have the person who wrote
34:57
it, read it to you. Yeah, for sure. That's still
35:00
an insane thing to do. It is an insane thing
35:02
to do. Yeah. I did pull up his filmography. You
35:06
know, he was producer on Star is Born, Man of
35:10
Steel. You know, he was an executive producer
35:12
on the Snyderverse, Man of Steel. I mean, does
35:16
he still own some of the rights to it? Yeah,
35:20
so he was an EP on that one. He was a producer
35:23
on Superman Returns, producer on Ali, Wild Wild
35:26
West. I mean, this dude does work with honors.
35:30
The one where Joe Pesci is Walt Whitman's ghost
35:35
in the library at Harvard. Oh, my God. Bonfire
35:39
of the Van. Is that the plot for the next National
35:43
Treasure movie? Oh, my God. National Treasure
35:47
3 on its way. The one thing I kept, you know,
35:51
this movie really made me think of like Jodorowsky's
35:55
Dune, but like worse. Oh, yeah. In terms of like
35:58
what this film is, as opposed to that film. But
36:02
with the same and. the same coming to the same
36:05
conclusion at the end is like this never would
36:07
have worked this would have been bad yeah yeah
36:10
yeah i think it definitely would have been a
36:12
failure just look at that mad genius go i i cannot
36:17
imagine the real thing that would have come out
36:19
of this like if you could make it now with nick
36:21
cage yeah like yeah old superman oh yeah like
36:25
i don't know it could maybe work but tim burton
36:28
now i don't think so no but tim burton in the
36:31
heyday and old nick cage now yeah i could oh
36:34
man can you imagine if after logan somebody was
36:37
like we need to do that but we need nicholas
36:39
cage as superman and just do old man clark yes
36:43
and yeah i'm into it yeah still a secret identity
36:47
maybe the world's gone to shit that could be
36:50
cool yeah yeah should we make a superman movie
36:53
we probably should yeah yeah for sure Or maybe
36:56
he's just, you know, 60, 60 some year old Nicolas
37:00
Cage, 60 some year old Clark Kent, who just finds
37:03
out he's an alien. Yeah, exactly. Oh my God.
37:06
I'm an alien. I'm an alien. Fucking ice takes
37:09
him out. Oh Jesus. It's edgy. Oh, social commentary.
37:16
Oh, what was the one thing about it where it's
37:19
like. lois lane breaks up with him or something
37:22
or he like he's getting real or he's gonna propose
37:23
he's getting real antsy and to like burn off
37:25
the energy like goes he flies around the building
37:27
but all his like clothes burn off yeah yeah so
37:30
i just have to imagine like because it's not
37:32
a cloth suit i just have to imagine clark kent
37:35
just walking around all this big just oversized
37:41
like small head big suit david burn David Byrne,
37:46
big David Byrne suit, but with just like the
37:48
the plated Superman armor underneath it. Yeah.
37:51
Yeah. Like he's just got a goose suit. Yeah.
37:54
Yeah. His head did look really small in that
37:58
costume. It is with the way he was padded up.
38:00
Yeah. Yeah. He's like pauldron shoulders. Yeah.
38:05
I do like how they were going to weaponize the
38:06
S again after the great Donner like cellophane
38:10
S. Oh, yeah. The cellophane S. It was going to
38:12
be a boomerang. Yep. Oh, God. You know what?
38:16
They were going to do that. And then and then
38:19
Tim Burton like dunks on Marlon Brando and then
38:23
Jiffy Pot Jarrell uniform or outfit. And I'm
38:26
like, oh, you. But that was the part that fucking
38:30
pissed me off. Like Tim Burton clearly doesn't
38:33
have any. Does not care about this character.
38:37
No, no, no. Just like, yeah, shitting on like
38:40
any of the original Donner film in that sense
38:43
is like that shitty. I did like that Burton was
38:47
like, OK, I work in the dark. All my shit is
38:49
in the dark. You know, this is kind of me challenging
38:51
myself to do something opposite. Right. It's
38:53
all about the fucking light, you know. And I
38:55
like the idea of him playing in a space that
38:57
he wouldn't have been like comfortable in or
38:59
as familiar with. But obviously we didn't get
39:02
that. No, no. and well and like even even like
39:06
the uh the the all of the stuff that they did
39:08
make in the drawings and art for mood and everything
39:12
like that i mean like none of it really was going
39:14
to be a light space no yeah and he was going
39:17
to die in it and then be resurrected with like
39:21
a magic dark suit with a magic dark suit yeah
39:24
so like he wasn't even going to be in the space
39:25
where he said he wanted to challenge himself
39:27
i was like yeah yeah that's true What happened,
39:31
Tim Burton? What happened, Tim Burton? Remember
39:32
the concept for Doomsday, though? Like a big
39:35
old mass of faces that would just like turned
39:38
into the faces of people. Yeah, but that came
39:42
way too late in the movie. But yeah, that was
39:44
great. Yeah, that would have been badass. Yeah,
39:47
that's a good villain. That's not Doomsday. But
39:49
yeah, you're right. It's not Doomsday. One of
39:52
the pieces that was driving me crazy. There was.
39:55
the third script writer that got pulled in, Dan
39:57
Gilroy. Oh, yeah. He was like a Tom Noonan looking
40:00
motherfucker. And he had like, I don't know if
40:03
it was just the microphone or his voice, but
40:05
he was so goddamn loud. He talked like this all
40:09
the time. And this is what happened. And then
40:12
John Peters kind of did this. I couldn't stand
40:18
that fucking guy. I don't remember anything he
40:21
said because I was just like, shut the fuck up,
40:24
shut the fuck up. He was the last guy to work
40:27
on a movie that got canceled. Yeah, I mean, you
40:30
were handed the turdiest turd at that point.
40:33
And the one art guy was talking about, like,
40:36
these are big budget movies and people that have
40:39
made big movies. And that's how you wind up spending
40:42
two years working on something and polishing
40:45
a turd. And I'm like, oh, man, dude, you are
40:47
so right about that. I can't imagine if they
40:50
had tried to make this movie in the Internet
40:53
era. Oh, yeah. um they talk about the uh internet
40:56
not existing when michael keaton was batman still
41:00
people were bitching and bitching and moaning
41:03
i do like kevin smith's uh kevin smith's line
41:05
uh which is just like the internet didn't exist
41:08
but the internet was pissed yeah for sure for
41:11
sure i mean it's true i mean like you and you
41:12
kind of saw that when when they cast heath ledger
41:15
as a joker right and that the internet was pissed
41:17
about that and then slowly retracted that and
41:21
everything right um hindsight 2020 i do like
41:25
the reasoning behind keaton's casting there's
41:28
just like he has an insane person's eyes He looks
41:35
like a crazy guy. Yeah. It's like, and John Peters
41:38
is also like, that's why I wanted Nick Cage.
41:39
He has the same eyes. Yeah. Right. It's like,
41:42
these are, these are not traditionally handsome
41:44
dudes who have something like, I don't know what
41:46
it is. They got some sort of weird lightning
41:48
in a bottle. They look like they could kill me.
41:51
Oh yeah. I like that. The clip they use, I think
41:54
it was right there to show Nick Cage's pizzazz
41:56
was just him drunkenly dancing down. Oh yeah.
41:59
Oh yeah. Pulling booze off the shelves. Meanwhile,
42:03
they were showing Michael Keaton's crazy eyes
42:05
as the, you want to get nuts? Let's get nuts
42:08
scene from Batman, which dope. That's great.
42:10
And then also like, oh, Mr. Mom. I thought that
42:13
was from The Flash. Huh? No. Oh, now, come on.
42:20
He said the line. oh nick confused what happened
42:26
what happened what happened oh my god so god
42:31
all right this movie this documentary is not
42:33
very good right no like it's structured pretty
42:36
poorly yeah like it's not done extremely well
42:39
yep like schnapp is not a great host he's pretty
42:42
uncharismatic yeah he made me laugh a couple
42:45
of times where i was like all right you're winning
42:46
me over yeah but like for the most part he's
42:48
just like a lump but he got to talk to all of
42:51
those people which is amazing right like i don't
42:54
know who john schnapp is and i probably should
42:56
have done some research into it but i didn't
42:58
i think he wrote on or was an animator on space
43:01
coast coast to coast i mean like he sweet he
43:04
sadly passed away i hope to joyously pass away
43:07
but i was sad that uh you know we start off like
43:12
right away with grant morrison and then we talked
43:15
to grant morrison for like a second And then
43:18
there's not a single person, Kevin Smith aside,
43:21
from like the comic book industry at all. Right.
43:24
Also, Graham Morrison's voice is fucking awesome.
43:27
Oh, yeah. Like he started talking. I was like,
43:29
I've never bothered to learn that you were. english
43:33
he's got a great voice i think it was kind of
43:36
scottish yeah like it like and they have him
43:39
like speaking off the top and it sounds like
43:41
you know ewan mcgregor is renton at the beginning
43:44
of train spotting and it was like just in my
43:46
i put my my hands up looked at my ceiling and
43:50
i started picturing this being train spotting
43:53
so documentary bad yep um movie interesting concept
43:59
right yes like I kind of wish we'd had it. Yeah,
44:05
sure. I'm kind of glad we don't. Absolutely.
44:08
I don't know what I want from this. Like, I want
44:11
something else. Like, I was left like unsatisfied
44:16
by this documentary. Exactly. I think that's
44:19
the word I've been trying to figure out for myself
44:22
in this. It's just like you watch it. And like
44:25
I said, it's nothing. There's nothing there.
44:28
Right. And that's how I feel inside. Yeah. I
44:33
wanted it to give me more. I wanted to hate Peters
44:37
more or something. He's clearly the villain,
44:39
but he's also a doofus. I don't want that guy
44:43
to street fight me because he probably can lick
44:46
my back and eat my blood. I don't want that.
44:50
He's going to lick your back blood. I don't want
44:52
that. I don't want the back blood lick. I don't
44:55
need that. I want John Peters and Uwe Boll to
44:59
fight. Oh my God. And then they make a movie
45:01
together. it's mostly just them kissing yeah
45:04
probably yeah yeah they can get jason statham
45:07
in it oh absolutely hell yeah oh someone told
45:10
someone was telling me this the other day like
45:12
they saw an interview with jason statham where
45:13
and he was asked why do you always just play
45:15
the same guy and jason statham was like i'm not
45:17
an actor yeah i don't know he's like i don't
45:21
know how to act so i do one thing and i do it
45:24
well right pays my bills I can be a tough guy
45:28
who does a face sometimes. OK, I got a serious,
45:32
real question for you guys. Is it what happened?
45:35
No. Is it why happened? Maybe. If you could fight
45:42
one world class adult athlete, who would you
45:49
fight? I know this is you can get into morals
45:52
if you want. I don't know if I can list a bunch
45:55
of. elite athletes he didn't say elite he just
45:59
said world class yeah okay i mean okay don't
46:04
pick this one uh you could say ray gun she was
46:08
in the olympics and world class athlete that's
46:12
what i'm talking about yeah yeah there's gonna
46:14
be a whole lot of college kids playing flag football
46:16
in the next olympics in l .a preferably pick
46:18
an adult but i understand if you don't it's like
46:22
those chinese gymnasts are all 12 i could probably
46:24
okay so wait that's racist you know you know
46:29
who i want to fight who i want to fight and i
46:32
would lose is that guy the super old dude he's
46:35
probably dead now but he could like swim across
46:38
the fucking like ocean pulling a boat with his
46:42
yeah yeah junior i would fight that guy and i
46:48
would die yeah yeah but i would go down in glory
46:51
well no i would just be dead yeah you would just
46:55
be dead that's my pick yeah yeah that's a good
46:58
one who is that uh why can't i remember the name
47:01
of like fat baseball player yeah because all
47:05
i'd have to do is like lightly jog and he'd eventually
47:08
have a heart attack yeah that's true i suppose
47:11
yeah that is true duck and weave yeah come and
47:15
get me babe you you have to fight with like your
47:18
fists up turned into like an 1890s fisticuffs
47:21
but you're just moving backwards the whole time
47:23
yeah also i mean you guys see i see how how my
47:26
pants are these days i already have to look i
47:28
just need to rip the shirt off and i'm there
47:30
you were not wearing pants today so that's true
47:33
no clue Fair. Literally zero clue about your
47:37
pants, Josh. Does fighting with words count?
47:44
No. I don't know. I would probably want to just
47:49
beat the shit out of Curt Schilling. He's annoying.
47:52
Oh, yeah, that's kind of cool. He bankrupted
47:54
multiple companies, couldn't make video games,
47:58
was kind of a prima donna, also put ketchup on
48:02
his sock to make him look more heroic than he
48:04
was in the 2004 World Series. I'm not bitter
48:07
as a St. Louis Cardinals baseball fan about that
48:10
at all. I thought you were going to say put ketchup
48:11
on his hot dog and be like, fuck that guy. No,
48:14
no. That would have a line crossed. There's a
48:17
reason why he didn't play baseball in Chicago.
48:20
catch up on a hot dog i think i could really
48:24
beat the shit out of usain bolt see i was gonna
48:28
say usain bolt earlier i was like nah i'm not
48:30
gonna do that no no no i think it'd be easy like
48:33
it's the opposite of sean's like plan he's so
48:36
fast yeah they're just gonna come at me and then
48:39
they're malnourished i think so i'm just gonna
48:42
destroy them wait no what was that what was that
48:46
runner who killed his uh Killed his girlfriend.
48:48
Oscar Pistorius. The one with the blade. The
48:52
one with the blade legs. Yes, Oscar Pistorius.
48:54
Yeah, yeah. Sorry, I know exactly what you're
48:57
saying, but it sounds like such a wild timeline.
49:01
It does. The runner with the knife legs. The
49:04
blade legs. Wait, are they spider legs? Oh my
49:08
God. That was a villain in Kingsman. oh yes hey
49:14
i you know what i was gonna i should have uh
49:16
checked uh i don't think john peters has anything
49:19
to do with uh with uh darth maul coming back
49:22
but he came back as a spider he did yeah Maybe
49:25
there's something in Hollywood. It's just a timeless
49:27
idea. Yeah. People love fucking spiders. Filoni's
49:31
on the same. Has the same Coke dealer is what
49:36
I was going to say. Thanagarian snatch beast.
49:38
Yeah. I mean, did you see that fucking snatch?
49:41
I did. All right. Final thoughts on this documentary
49:48
or this movie that could have been. But what
49:51
happened? Man, see, like the I feel like if the
49:55
movie had been made, it would become a cult classic
49:58
that people watch because it's so bad. Absolutely.
50:02
You know, one of those movies. And I had an apartment.
50:06
you know, right after college with some people
50:08
and we used to have movie nights where it was
50:11
like, yeah, I know. I had a roof over my head,
50:13
everything like that. It was great. No, like
50:15
we're flex Josh. No, I would, we would do gainfully
50:18
employed to once a month we would have, once
50:24
a month we'd have movie nights and it was always
50:26
like bad movies that you would, you know, make
50:28
fun of as a group. So we'd all do the MST three
50:31
K sort of situation and everything like that.
50:33
What? mitchell yeah oh yeah and watch out for
50:36
snakes like there's a part of me that would absolutely
50:40
love to be able to watch this movie now i'm glad
50:45
it never came out though because i think this
50:48
would have been right before the ball started
50:51
rolling on x -men which really gave us what marvel's
50:54
doing and like the best spider -man movie that
50:57
just came out is like i think the amount of money
51:00
that would have been put behind this and the
51:02
immense failure that it would have been would
51:04
have really cooled a lot uh a lot of that early
51:07
aughts uh comic films that's a fair take yeah
51:10
yeah yeah because i mean like yeah the x -men
51:13
everybody fell in love with x2 it was really
51:16
good they loved the first toby mcguire spider
51:20
-man and then the second one like there were
51:22
a lot of people were like is this the best superhero
51:25
film ever made now i'll go back and watch it
51:27
i'm like yeah and then both both franchises had
51:30
dog shit third oh yeah for sure ones and now
51:34
we're what four movies into tom holland yep yeah
51:37
and they're all pretty good and he still hasn't
51:40
destroyed the nukes he hasn't what about his
51:44
his fight for peace yeah Quest for peace, Spider
51:48
-Man. We got to get that crossover, that DC Marvel
51:51
crossover going. The problem is Sony's involved.
51:55
That's... And they have... Sony loves nukes.
52:00
I'm just too into nukes. Well, Sony's owned by
52:05
Big Nuke. Yes, true. I would have enjoyed watching
52:09
a Nicolas Cage Superman movie more than watching
52:12
this documentary. Yeah. So I wish we could have
52:14
swapped it, but... Yeah. Aside from that, yeah,
52:17
I think Sean's got the right of it. It would
52:19
have fucked a lot of shit up. After that, what
52:24
was Nick Cage in? It could have messed up adaptation.
52:31
When did National Treasure come out? City of
52:34
Angels? City of Angels was the next one. National
52:36
Treasure was down the pipe. He may have not become
52:41
his megastar. If he had just absolutely eaten
52:44
shit on a bad Superman. Benjamin Franklin Gates
52:49
would be named Doodlemeister. My dog, Matt, the
52:53
character. Doodlemeister's a tight -ass name,
52:57
though. I know, I fucked up. He looks like a
53:01
Doodlemeister. Can you imagine if they reshot
53:03
National Treasure? but in a world where all movies
53:08
were done like Air Bud and it's just some dog
53:11
just running in and like stealing. No rule says
53:19
dog can't be an archaeologist. Ain't no rule
53:22
says dog can't be an archaeologist. Digging.
53:24
They love bones. Take the constitution out. They
53:27
named the dog Indiana. Holy shit. it's air bud
53:34
rules from now on all movies air bud style oh
53:36
man did you see that did you see the passion
53:41
of the christ it was weird the way that that
53:43
golden retriever carried the cross i thought
53:46
you were gonna say the way that golden retriever
53:48
biting that guy on the cross no no no just play
53:52
the romans will say in terms of the documentary
54:01
itself i'm not as cold on it as it seems like
54:03
you guys are it's not good um the guy's not a
54:07
great like he's not good at asking questions
54:09
the sounds awful um but as someone who absolutely
54:13
loves production design and just going down that
54:16
rabbit hole i was just so enthralled i loved
54:18
hearing stories about from the people who were
54:22
gonna make that film like i was so into their
54:25
stories so even though the film itself wasn't
54:27
great i was fucking and raptured the whole time
54:30
the the stories are all really good here we go
54:32
right back into this film again uh right at the
54:36
end of our episode just like i love good yeah
54:39
oh hit me with those sparkle you know what i
54:42
got a fucking bone to pick right here it just
54:46
it's it sets you up for that big like nothing
54:49
burger and then it's nothing yeah it's like okay
54:51
there's all these really cool stories And that's
54:53
just it. And all that happened is that he made
54:55
Wild Wild West. Yeah. And took his pet spider.
54:59
Which then bombed. Yeah. Which also lost like
55:02
40 million dollars. They were, what, three weeks
55:05
out from production when they canceled it. I
55:07
don't think they had their shit together. I think
55:09
it was very clear they didn't have their shit
55:10
together. And up to the point where Peters in
55:13
a in a moment of self -reflection, he was like,
55:16
would the movie have made as much money as we
55:19
needed it to? no probably not and i'm like there's
55:24
your reason there's your reason why it was canceled
55:27
you're a producer you should know you were not
55:29
going to make back your investment because you
55:32
were you were 200 million dollar budget plus
55:35
you know promotion on top of that all of that
55:37
shit like you know i mean like dude yeah there's
55:40
a reason why it wasn't made and it was that and
55:42
you kind of let that out and like I think it's
55:45
pretty clear that it was slapdash. There wasn't
55:49
anything appealing. I don't think that there
55:50
was going to be the stomach for anything that
55:54
was kind of a deconstructionist sort of take
55:58
on an icon. And like you even have like archival
56:02
clip of Nicolas Cage talking about like how Superman
56:06
is one of our main. like american icons right
56:10
so which is part of the reason why it's so hard
56:13
to capture him i think right so also he can fly
56:17
he can fly and he wears but you're not you're
56:20
not gonna see him fly in this movie no yeah so
56:22
i think that we need to do our own national treasure
56:25
three where we go steal the skull ship yes from
56:29
john peters yes oh my god wouldn't that be so
56:31
cool actual plot for the third oh my god that
56:36
would be incredible oh oh and then it's just
56:37
nicholas cage with a gopro it's like i just want
56:42
this fucking ship man john peters has to be the
56:45
villain years yeah and he has to fight nick cage
56:48
for real with ninjas with ninjas there's gonna
56:51
be john peters actually has ninja guards he needs
56:54
to get the fake person inches from the end of
56:56
uh he's gonna taste so much blood yeah it's gonna
57:00
be so gross he's gonna be really horny i don't
57:03
like take it all back i take it all back i don't
57:06
want to do this i'm not producing this movie
57:09
anymore too late you're producer peter it's all
57:12
you know it's all you do Oh, man. This was fun.
57:18
This was a fun episode. It was fun. So everyone,
57:20
put your eyes up to the ceiling and envision
57:23
Sparkle Buddies. Josh, you, our friend. Josh,
57:29
thank you for being here. Yes, absolutely. And
57:30
also supporting us. I can almost see him. Josie,
57:35
Matt, Adam, Bill. Stuart and Willow, and of course
57:39
our cage dancers, John, Freeman, Nathan, and
57:41
Cameron, and Bill Panks for our music. Imagine
57:44
those credits just rolling over your head and
57:47
passing you by as you listen to a beautiful John
57:51
Williams score. It's eloquent. It's uplifting.
57:55
And then there's just like a big fart sound at
57:59
the end. And that's how it was for this. Yeah.
58:05
I like how you went into the fucking Star Trek.
58:08
Like the original series. Yeah. All right. Goodbye,
58:14
everybody. Goodbye. Hold on that. So I got give
58:22
me some extra. I got a I got a plot like a three
58:27
sentence plot for our old man Clark. Oh, yeah.
58:31
Or just Clark. so major natural disaster or something
58:38
like superman wasn't able to stop it uh world
58:42
goes to shit kind of a so like a super volcano
58:45
in yeah yeah but he was like fucking waylaid
58:50
by i don't know fucking lois lane yeah lois lane
58:54
um he had to save her and couldn't stop the volcano
58:58
doesn't matter um society shit Everybody's living
59:03
in burned out buildings. Everything sucks. There's
59:07
a new Lex Luthor coming around. He's unearthed
59:11
some old Lex Corp tech or some shit. Superman's
59:15
old, doesn't have the power. Oh, there's too
59:17
many volcano clouds. He's not getting his yellow
59:21
sunlight. There we go. So he's weakened. He can't
59:24
do anything. But he can train a new Superman.
59:29
A new Man of Steel, in fact. Are you just talking
59:34
about Steele? John Henry Irons. And we bring
59:36
back Shaquille O 'Neal. Oh, wow. And we just
59:38
do like introduction. Oh, we digitally de -age
59:43
Shaq. Of course we would. Because we need a young
59:45
man to play Steele. And it's just Shaquille O
59:51
'Neal and Nicolas Cage as Superman. Wow. I'm
59:56
into it. Yeah. I hate that you did this. Wow.
1:00:00
that's a pretty good pitch i like it bye