Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / 174. 🕯All Is Calm? All Is Fake: The Truth About Your Confidence

Transcript

174. 🕯All Is Calm? All Is Fake: The Truth About Your Confidence · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Apolgie production.
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: She rises Twelve Days of Christmas.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: Hello everybody, welcome back to Twelve Days of Christmas.
• 0:20
  Speaker 3: Day four.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, going so far it is type you
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: guys are absolutely loving it. Today's is all about confidence
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: and faking it and not being able to sit in
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: your own thoughts and in silence.
• 0:31
  Speaker 3: It's going to go deep into that.
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: Today, absolutely, And where is your insecurity disguised as confidence?
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: There have been many times in my life where I
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: have pretended to be more confident than what I actually
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: felt me true, like Josue, I was an anxious mess.
• 0:44
  Speaker 3: Thank it to you make it?
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely spiraling mentally while sitting in the back of
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: a social setting, or you know, while it's like confident,
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: I'm in my head thinking and having a conversation with myself.
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: This especially used to play out in my first relationship
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: with my ex Matt. We were together for like three
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: to four years, and I remember it got to a
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: point in our relation and where we had just spent
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: so much time together. We were working together, we were
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: going to the gym together, he was staying at my
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: house all the time or vice versa, and so we
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: just like always were with each other Obviously, I don't
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: think this happens with everybody, but with him and I especially,
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: I got to the point where we would go for
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: a romantic dinner and we would just sit there and
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: like not say anything to each other.
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: I suppose when you're with each other all the time,
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: you might run out of things to talk about.
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: Something not us, but yeah, that's true, not us. But
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: with him it was we didn't have that necessarily like
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: that friendship aspect. It was more romantic intimacy, like the chemistry.
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: It was more of that in that relationship than anything.
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: And so I think when we were in dynamics or
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: environments where it was just romantic, just us two connecting,
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: it was a little bit off, felt a little bit off.
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: So I'd be sitting there in front of him thinking
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: in my head, how do I feel the space right now?
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: Like I couldn't just sit in silence with him because
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: it just felt so uncomfortable. I thought like, oh my god,
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: if I'm not talking, or if I'm not doing or
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: if I'm not entertaining enough, like maybe he'll leave me.
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you know.
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: And so it was like this insecurity that I had
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: that I masked as confidence with always having a topic
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: to talk about. Yeah, and always feeling like I could
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: feel the space so easily because I could talk about
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: anything and talk underwater. But it was like fueled from
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: a place of insecurity.
• 2:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: And so that was a really confronting time in my life.
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: And I also recognized it's not because of him. It
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: actually I had more to do with myself than anything,
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: because at the time I wasn't a very secure version
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: of myself, and I was also in a relationship that
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: brought out insecurity in me. You know, I was constantly
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: feeling jealous all the time, constantly worrying about what he
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: was doing and all that. Like, I definitely wasn't the
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: best partner in that relationship.
• 2:42
  Speaker 3: I'll tell you that right now.
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: But this behavior and this need to like feel silence
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: or to prove my worth or to prove that I
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: was interesting enough to stay with was bizarre to think
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: that it, you know, a nineteen years.
• 2:55
  Speaker 3: Old It's sad, isn't it? And a poor reflection.
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: Now, if you were to go into a relationship now,
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: would you be okay to sit in silence or do
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: you still feel like you need to feel that like
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: gaps that something's wrong.
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: I feel sitting in silence.
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: No. Absolutely, I feel like it's different now because I've
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: met myself on a much deeper levels. When I am
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: by myself, actually enjoy being by myself, like I enjoy
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: my own time. I enjoy sitting and quiet.
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: I'm the first difference to being quiet with someone you love.
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: But I think it leaks into yeah, you know what
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: I mean. So like me, whereas when I was nineteen,
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: could not sit in silence, could not be by myself,
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: hated being alone. I was so terrified of because I
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: was terrified of my own thoughts, whereas like now, I'm
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: not scared of what's going to come up in my
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: head for the most part, For the most thoughts are real,
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: they are real. And so when I am with loved ones,
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, this feels so nice. Yeah, it's like thing,
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: It's like, oh, we don't have to be on. We
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: can just be with each other and it doesn't have
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: to be on and lit up and high vibe all
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: the time. It's like, no, we can just enjoy this silence.
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: It feels really nice. And so now I don't really
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: kind of get that head noise. But because I also
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: have secure relationships and people in my life.
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: It's a cool reflection, isn't it. I've definitely done that,
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: and I still guilty do that now. If I'm going
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: to meet someone for an interview and I put them
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: on a pedestal, yeah, as really smart or really intelligent,
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: or they know so much about a topic, and I
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: feel like I have nothing to contribute, Yeah, I'll avoid them. Yeah,
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: And it's sad because it ruins opportunities and connection and
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: they just want to chat, you know. But I definitely
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: have fear around if I can't contribute and add to
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: the conversation, that they're going to be bored with me
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: or not want to interview me, or I don't know,
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: I get way in my.
• 4:29
  Speaker 3: Head about it. Yeah.
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's scary. But with loved ones, I don't feel
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: like that anymore.
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: I think when I have safe relationships, it doesn't come
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: up as much. Yes, which are like when I think
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: of the people who like in my life and I
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: know I can lean on, and I'm just like, oh,
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: I can be myself, Like, of course I'm going to
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: feel safe in that dynamic. But whether if I'm seeing
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: somebody new or have a new partner in my life,
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: do I feel that way.
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: I don't know in a relationship, Yeah, I wonder if
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: it's a new part, if you will feel like you
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: need to feel the space.
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: I definitely felt like I needed to fill space with
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: my last relationship.
• 4:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah, But I also was.
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: Quite anxious in that relationship as well. I was more
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: anxious than what I am on my baseline. Yeah, And
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: so I wonder if that was the accumulation of the
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: negative headspace and the negative self talk, yeah, feeling like oh.
• 5:10
  Speaker 3: Oh my god, like is he having a good time?
• 5:11
  Speaker 3: Is he not?
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: Like yeah, I remember when we were at an event
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: in Brisbane, Yeah, and you saw someone that you had
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: been with before and his partner was there, and I
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: noticed you go into this over like I was like, what.
• 5:24
  Speaker 3: Is she doing?
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: But afterwards I understand. So Tiana went into this like
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: almost over talking really fast, really nervous, like over commensating,
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: like complimenting her life, your dress, and like it was
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: a lot. Yeah. And then afterwards when you told me,
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I used to date her partner. I
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: don't want her to feel uncomfortable, and I don't know
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: if she knows about us, And I just got anxious
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: and I want to make sure she's okay, it's so interesting.
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: How and I would I've done similar things too, Like
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: new people I meet, I want to impress.
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: Them, Yeah, mask on right, Absolutely I do.
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: That is the nice girl, the funny girl, you want
• 5:54
  Speaker 3: the cool girl.
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: You want them to walk away and be like, oh
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: my god, she was the best vibe. Yes, if you're
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: in a low vibe, you amp it up because you
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: don't want them thinking that of you.
• 6:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, I want them to leave feeling good. Yeah, feeling
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: good and feeling like it's first impression, accept it, or
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: like I was welcomed into the conversation, because I never
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: want abody to feel like, oh, she didn't talk to me,
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: or she was rude or whatever.
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: Make an assumption that your snobby or that you think
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: you're too cold to yeah, when you could have just
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: been having a bad day.
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: And also I didn't realize that I did that until
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: you called me out on that. And because in that moment,
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: I was like, oh my gosh, I have to make
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: sure she knows that I'm including her in the conversation
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: on her partner, because I don't really beautiful I ever
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: want to make anyone feel that way. For sure, women
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: because she already has like a very strong demeanor. Yes,
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: And I was like, oh, okay, Like I did, I
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: went into proving. I was like, I have to prove
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: that I'm not here to steal your man.
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah. No, and it's from a beautiful place. I think
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: most women would really appreciate that, because if you just
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: engage in conversation with him, she's gonna be like, who
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: the fuck was that? Why was she not talking to me?
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: Have you been with her? Like?
• 6:48
  Speaker 3: Why would she have a problem with me?
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: And I guess in the back of my head, I think, Okay,
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: if I were in a relationship and I saw somebody
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: that I had previously slept with, I would tell my
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: partner at a courtesy yes, to be like, just so
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: you know, you're not gonna make besties with the person.
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: This is a person of my past. And so in
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: my head I was thinking, they're gonna have a conversation
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: about me later. I need to make sure that this
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: is not awkward.
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: And she's like she can be like, oh, at least
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: she was nice and respectful to Yeah, she's not a threat.
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: She's not Yeah, she's not a threat, or she's not
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: here to do anything shady or anything.
• 7:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah, So it's just cool.
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: I hope when we are sharing these personal stories that
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: it helps you reflect and go, oh, I can see
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: where I do that. Maybe I don't have to do that.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: Maybe I can just be myself, or maybe I can
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: be honest and we like, fuck, I'm normally a high
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: vibe here, but I'm just having.
• 7:29
  Speaker 3: A shit day.
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 7:29
  Speaker 3: Who I do this with?
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: Actually, people I find to have more reserved demeanor. Yeah,
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: you know when people are like more reserved, me too open.
• 7:37
  Speaker 3: I do that.
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: It's like I feel like with you and I, we
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: were like we met each other in the openness. Yeah,
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: like hey, and You're like hey, and I was like
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: and then we just kind of built from there. Whereas
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: like somebody who's a little bit more quiet or a
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: little bit more reserved keeps to themselves a little bit
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: more and they're not as like you feel like.
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: You need to almost take up more yeah, to make
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: them feel comfortable, like they don't have to overcompensate a bit.
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah, almost like I feel like I have to try
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: a little bit harder to get their approval. Yes, you know,
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: there's been a couple of people just to get them
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: to talk. Yeah, yeah, I mean like, oh no, I'm
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: coolant to be friends.
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so interesting, isn't it.
• 8:09
  Speaker 3: They're reflection of all of this.
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: I think it comes up with different people for sure,
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: but yeah, anyway, I'm banging on about all the times
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: it has come up, but it loved the personal story.
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: It's cool. It's cool to reflect on because you know,
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: I think your level of confidence interchanges with different people.
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: How you feel in yourself and how you feel with
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: other people's sometimes dependent on how safe that person feels. Yes,
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: because naturally you are yourself, but how much of yourself
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: are you with new people or people you don't trust
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: or don't yet know how to trust. So it's a
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: really interesting thing.
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: I even say Steve do it because he's quite reserved
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: and he's definitely introverted. He's not super social. So I
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: notice if there's someone new that comes in, he's like,
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: overdoes it? And I'm like that was the beginning to
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: feel He's like, yeah, I'm fucking drying. Ah, But he
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: feels like if he doesn't that people think he's cold
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: or not friendly or not welcoming. And even in the workspace,
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: I think he turns on a little bit because he
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: doesn't want anyone to feel like he's not enjoying them
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: or they're not doing a great job. But yeah, his
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: personality is just naturally more gentle and more quiet. So
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: I noticed that in him, and I think that's why
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: he also doesn't love a lot of social outings. It's
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: quite draining for him.
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: Feels like you have to put it off.
• 9:16
  Speaker 3: It feels like it has to put it on.
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: It's around me, he knows it can just be in
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: full self and we can be in complete silence, just
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: cuddling and it's a nice time. Yes, doesn't have to
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: be anyone or do anything, and we're just enjoying each
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: other's company.
• 9:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, it's interesting. The closer you are with them,
• 9:28
  Speaker 3: the safer you are. Yeah, do that absolutely.
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: So it's like, how do we get that energy of
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: feeling comfortable or feeling confident in ourselves enough to be
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: all of who we are, regardless of how close we are.
• 9:38
  Speaker 3: With that person?
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: Yes, you know, and if people assume something of you,
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: let them, Yes, that'd let them. Theory if they want
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: to assume that you're a bitch because you didn't say
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: X y Z, or you weren't super high vibe and bubbly,
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: like let them think that of you. It's not your
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: responsibility to manage their emotions or their thoughts about you.
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: You hope you meet people that are open to just
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: get to know the real you, and if they're not,
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: they're not your people and you're.
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: So right to it. Or it is about controlling the
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: way that people perceive us you are, you're manipulating. Yeah,
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: when I think about times, i'd be hard to do that.
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: It's like, I want this person to like me, so
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: I'm going to behave this way because I think that
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: that's what we'll get this person to like me. Yeah,
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: but that's not being authentic.
• 10:11
  Speaker 3: You're wearing a mask. Yeah, yeah, it is. It's manipulation.
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: It is. It's manipulation, for sure.
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: Manipulation last as confidence. Literally and everyone does it.
• 10:20
  Speaker 3: We all do it.
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: But we're also not sitting here saying we're perfecting him now.
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: So I literally will tell you I still do it
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: with people that I'm intimidated by or very very smart
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: because I'm feeling like my smartness isn't up to their
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: smartness and I'm not going to have any to contribute. Yeah,
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: leave I was a huge one for me with that Yeah,
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: we worked together for fifteen years and we're like brother
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: and sister now super super close. But I felt like
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: for the first half our working relationship and friendship, we
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: could never really connect because I put him on such
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: a pedestal. Yeah, that I would avoid conversations with him
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: because I thought I was so fucking dumb, and I
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: thought he was looking at me, like, You're so fucking dumb.
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: In our working relationship, he was the brains. He was
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: the natch path, the nutritionists, the qualified personal trainer of
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: fifteen years, and I was this new person just come
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: in and just got qualified. But we all had our strengths,
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: but just like this energy, and it was I don't know,
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: just working in myself and being more comfortable within myself
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: and also seeing what I brought to the table. Once
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: those walls went down, I just like treated him like
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: a normal fucking human being.
• 11:17
  Speaker 3: We got so close.
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: They have the banter and talk, and I could also
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: like compliment and lift him up without putting myself down.
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: And it's a really really cool thing to realize. It
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: was really impact in connection. Yeah, absolutely, Yeah, everyone can feel.
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: And also cool when you are able to drop that
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: perception of like them on a pedestal, so it's like, oh,
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: this is just another human.
• 11:37
  Speaker 3: He's just another human.
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: It's just another human. And then you can actually connect
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: on the level you want to connect on.
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: And everyone's got their strength and their weaknesses, and you
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: can help lead each other and guide each other and
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: be there for each other in whatever that is.
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: Absolutely and like it's yours has shown up in that area,
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: I'm like might have shown up in intimate relationships, yes,
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: where some maybe some relationships I feel super confident because
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: they're secure and it's a great relationship. But then in
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: other ones where I don't feel fully safe or it's
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: not maybe a right fit or whatever. But then in
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: those moments, wounds are coming up for me of like
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: this person is superior than me, and it's shout up.
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: In business, You've pulled me up on this many times
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: of me pedestaling men that I've been with or men
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: that I've dated because they're really great business men. And
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: then I would like squash my business ideas because like,
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: but they know more, but they've been in this for longer,
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: they've had more experience than me. And then I immediately
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: make the man like the pedestal and like better than me,
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: and then I'm like, oh my gosh, where's.
• 12:26
  Speaker 3: My self worth?
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: Gone, Yes, definitely, it's definitely shown up.
• 12:30
  Speaker 3: It has zero I has shown up in business view
• 12:31
  Speaker 3: with that sense.
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: But then it's cool because as you've grown, you've then gone, oh, yeah,
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: they might do that for their business, but I'm a female,
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: I'm feminine, and their business is not my business. Absolutely,
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: I'm doing X, y Z. They're in a completely different
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: feel to me, So why would I do the same
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: as them.
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: Well, it's like when I doubted my own ability, I
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: was like, oh, but it makes sense to listen to them.
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: But now I'm like, I can trust myself my intuition more,
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: and I also know more than anybody what I want
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: out of business. So yes, their advice, I'm super grateful
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: for it always, but whether I take it with a
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: grain of salt or not is totally up to me
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: of like, Okay, does this actually fit for where I'm
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: trying to go, and if not, like, that's okay, I
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: respect your opinion. I respect that you want to help me. Yeah,
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: but also I don't need to take it. It's God No,
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: it's like anything, you can take everything with the grain
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: of salt. Yeah, and a lot of time people are
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: they're giving advice based on their experiences, their beliefs, what's
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: happened to them, what's worked for them, what hasn't worked
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: for them, and like, oh, you've got to do this because.
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: If you don't, this will happen. Well maybe not maybe
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: it happened to you, but something that's.
• 13:24
  Speaker 3: Going to happen for me.
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: And also based on the assumption that you're going to
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: want the same outcome as them, Yes, because that's a
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: big thing, isn't it. Yeah, everybody wants the same outcome. No,
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: exactly right, even just like the whole point of this
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: conversation as well, is like you don't need.
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: To be perfect.
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: No, you don't need to get it right all of
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: the time. Like I think, if there's one thing that
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: I've learned is that this is forever work. Always. Whatever
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: your wounds are, they are always going to come up.
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: You just get better at dealing with them and better
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: at handling them when they do come up. And it's
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: not wrong that they do, but it's just about like
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: how we repair and like how we repair with ourselves
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: because confidence is literally just like essentially bravery to be
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: all of who you are and to also be able
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: to back it with evidence. Yes, you know, like what
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: we've both just shared experiences of our own. When we
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: have felt more confident in ourselves, it's because we've proven
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: to ourselves that we are the person that we say
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: that we are. And when you can show yourself that evidence,
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: you've got stuff to back yourself in. What you're saying
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: doesn't feel like you're lying. You're not trying to be like,
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: oh my gosh, I'm this most confident person. It's like, well,
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: I'm confident in this area because I put the hard
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: yards in, I did the work behind it. Or you know,
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: I've been working on loving my body and in the
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: gym and things like that for twelve years, So of
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: course I'm getting to the point right now. I'm grateful
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: for my body and I'm happy with where I am
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: right now.
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: Growing your confidence and like being able to sit in
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: silence and be all of you are. If you're not
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: confident that area, you might find too that not only
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: do you overgiven conversations and talk faster and not be
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: able to sit just in it. I find a lot
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: of people keep themselves really busy, and the Christmas period
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: is such a perfect time for that, because it is
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: so much going on, and it gets to January and
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: everyone's so burnt out and tired and feel dead inside
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: because you've just been so busy, you've distracted, you haven't
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: sat with yourself.
• 15:03
  Speaker 3: So encourage you over this really busy season.
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: Just make sure you're still finding moments of quiet to
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: sit with how you're feeling, and ask yourself what's coming
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: up for you in the conversations, in the scenarios, at
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: the big social events, what comes up for you?
• 15:15
  Speaker 3: How do you feel? And just sit with it, yeah,
• 15:18
  Speaker 3: so you can move through it.
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: Otherwise you're gonna keep running the same patterns in the
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: same cycles, and Janu comes around you feel like shit. Yeah,
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: because it all comes back to the service. You can
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: only push things down for so long.
• 15:27
  Speaker 3: That's so true. Yeah.
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, When you can sit with yourself in that silence,
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: you're getting familiar with yourself. Yes, you're getting to know yourself.
• 15:34
  Speaker 3: You learn so much about where you're at.
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: Oh, my grand god, because it's like, oh wow, there's
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: nothing to distract me. No shiny lights, no phones, no Netflix, no,
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: you know, constant busy schedule of social outings. You're like, whoa,
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: I actually have to sit with what's actually real for
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: me right now, what's coming up. And when you stop
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: being scared of what sits underneath, you can kind of
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: just like sit in the energy of it and not
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: need to hide it or shy away from it or
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: run from it.
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: You know, people say, oh, like I can't meditate, like
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: just my thoughts just get too busy, Like it's just
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: not for me. If that's how you feel, you need
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: it even more. Yeah, if you can't sit for five minutes,
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: you need to practice sitting for ten minutes.
• 16:08
  Speaker 3: Yeah, like double it. That's a good point.
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: It's so true that most you need it more than anyone.
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: You should be able to sit with your feelings. And
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: meditation isn't about just like oh, don't think, don't think,
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: just breathe, breathe, not.
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: Gonna have any thoughts.
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: I can let the thought be there, bring it up,
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: cry about it, breathe through it, evaluate it if you
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: need to, and then like breathe out and let it go,
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: like let them all arise. That's part of meditation is
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: to just like sit with all of yourself. It's okay
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: if it feels uncomfortable, feels messy, or feels emotional.
• 16:36
  Speaker 3: That's the point of it.
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: You're telling your body once you breathe and you get grounded,
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: you're telling your body you're safe to feel. You have
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: to distract and push it to the side any longer.
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: Give your body, your mind, and your heart that opportunity
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: to feel at all. Absolutely yeah, right, all right, guys,
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: thanks for joining us. I'll see you on the next
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: one day five tomorrow.
• 16:54
  Speaker 3: Bye.