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Respecting Your Friend's Savings Goals · She's On The Money

0:00
Speaker 1: Hello.
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Speaker 2: My name's Santasha Nabananga Bamblet. I'm a proud yor the
0:05
Speaker 2: Order Kerney Whoalbury and a waddery woman. And before we
0:08
Speaker 2: get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would
0:11
Speaker 2: like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of
0:14
Speaker 2: which this podcast is recorded on a wondery country, acknowledging
0:18
Speaker 2: the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through.
0:23
Speaker 2: As this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and
0:27
Speaker 2: the storytelling of you to make a difference for today
0:31
Speaker 2: and lasting impact for tomorrow.
0:33
Speaker 1: Let's get into it. She's on the Money. She's on
0:37
Speaker 1: the Money. Hello and welcome.
0:59
Speaker 3: She's on the Money podcast for millennials who want financial freedom.
1:02
Speaker 3: My name is Beck Syed and with me today as
1:06
Speaker 3: always is Victoria Divide Victoria.
1:09
Speaker 1: Look you damn its kidding? Well, thank you for having me.
1:13
Speaker 1: I'm very grateful. Of course, as personal as your money
1:16
Speaker 1: story in Savings Journey is the people we surround ourselves with,
1:20
Speaker 1: Beck actually have a really big impact on how we
1:22
Speaker 1: feel about money and how we spend and save. So
1:26
Speaker 1: I decided, I don't know if you're in for this,
1:28
Speaker 1: but you're going to want to be sit down today.
1:31
Speaker 1: We're going to be talking all about how to respect
1:34
Speaker 1: your friends' savings and financial goals.
1:37
Speaker 3: I'm really excited about this one, to be honest with you,
1:39
Speaker 3: because I feel like it's going to be useful for
1:40
Speaker 3: a lot of people, including myself, I agree, including my friends.
1:44
Speaker 1: Do you know what, I watch a lot of tiktoks.
1:46
Speaker 1: We've talked about this on the show six million times before,
1:49
Speaker 1: but I've just seen so many tiktoks recently where you know,
1:53
Speaker 1: you know, how you can stitch a video so someone's
1:55
Speaker 1: video starts and then somebody else jumps in with their opinion.
1:58
Speaker 1: And I've just sin so many of those recently because
2:01
Speaker 1: I'm obviously on the money side of TikTok of people essentially,
2:05
Speaker 1: And I don't think if you called them ount and
2:07
Speaker 1: said you're shaming somebody else's financial goals, they'd agree with you.
2:11
Speaker 1: But your personal opinion should not come into play when
2:15
Speaker 1: we're talking about Beck's financial goals. Yes, like Beck, you
2:18
Speaker 1: could ask me how I think and how I feel
2:20
Speaker 1: and what that means, and we can have an open,
2:22
Speaker 1: honest conversation. But if you say, hey, V I'm saving
2:25
Speaker 1: for X and I'm really excited about it. I have
2:27
Speaker 1: no right to turn around and be like, ah, that's
2:29
Speaker 1: not worth it. So we're going to talk about it
2:32
Speaker 1: today because I just think that people don't necessarily need
2:34
Speaker 1: to be put back in their boxes totally. It's not
2:37
Speaker 1: like you're doing the wrong thing. But I think sometimes
2:40
Speaker 1: we can accidentally, like you know, not respect our friends
2:44
Speaker 1: savings or financial goals by accident. And this is just
2:47
Speaker 1: a really good reminder and conversation that I think can
2:50
Speaker 1: make people feel a lot more empowered when it comes
2:53
Speaker 1: to money conversation. Totally.
2:55
Speaker 3: And we do get asked this all the time in
2:56
Speaker 3: our money dilemmas and get dms about this. It manifests
2:59
Speaker 3: usually bill splitting, gift expectations. It's all these little things
3:02
Speaker 3: in life that calls conflict and awkwardness. To be honest
3:06
Speaker 3: with your nearest and dearest, your friends, your family, it's
3:08
Speaker 3: exactly very awkward. We are not going to delve into
3:12
Speaker 3: this right now, but after the break we are going
3:14
Speaker 3: to go into the top signs you may be in
3:16
Speaker 3: a financially toxic friendship.
3:18
Speaker 1: Red smags, red friend bags.
3:20
Speaker 3: But before that, I want to ask you about your
3:22
Speaker 3: experience in your own life.
3:24
Speaker 1: I had it a lot when I was Yeah, do
3:26
Speaker 1: you know what, I still have it now, and it's
3:29
Speaker 1: not a bad thing. I would say that I'm surrounded
3:32
Speaker 1: by beautiful friends and family who all respect my financial
3:36
Speaker 1: goals and what's going on. But I feel like I
3:39
Speaker 1: do just have these like really ingrained memories of me
3:44
Speaker 1: saying no to things and having to like work myself
3:46
Speaker 1: up to tell a friend like, oh, no, sorry, I
3:49
Speaker 1: can't come to that weekend festival because I can't afford
3:52
Speaker 1: it or whatever it is, and then then being like, oh,
3:54
Speaker 1: why not, It's only three hundred dollars a ticket or whatever,
3:58
Speaker 1: and it just made me feel so icky and awkward,
4:00
Speaker 1: and like, I totally get that, my friend, they weren't
4:03
Speaker 1: trying to shame me or be rude or be mean.
4:05
Speaker 1: They were just trying to like involve me because they
4:07
Speaker 1: wanted me there, and that's so nice and so kind
4:09
Speaker 1: and all of that, and you try to see both
4:10
Speaker 1: sides of the story totally. But I think that that underlying,
4:14
Speaker 1: I guess anxiety that I got was because I was
4:16
Speaker 1: scared of being shamed and scared of people telling me
4:19
Speaker 1: that my financial goal wasn't as important as this thing
4:22
Speaker 1: that they were going to do. And even now, as
4:26
Speaker 1: you know, a financially secure adult, some of the you know,
4:31
Speaker 1: financial decisions I make get looked upon by some people
4:35
Speaker 1: that we know and they go, why would you do that? Like,
4:38
Speaker 1: you know, we bought a house, that's fantastic, But then
4:41
Speaker 1: financial decisions after that, people are like, oh really, but
4:43
Speaker 1: don't you have a mortgage? And you're like wow, like
4:45
Speaker 1: you don't know the breadth of our financial situation or
4:48
Speaker 1: how much we've saved for that holiday or done whatever.
4:51
Speaker 1: So I don't think it's exclusive to not having enough money.
4:54
Speaker 1: I think that in general, people love to have opinions
4:58
Speaker 1: on your life and what's going on, and that doesn't
5:01
Speaker 1: necessarily make them right. But I think that in a
5:04
Speaker 1: way we do need to sometimes put blinkers on and
5:06
Speaker 1: just go, well, what is important to me? Like what
5:08
Speaker 1: are the things that are going to make me flourish
5:10
Speaker 1: and thrive and feel like my best self? And we
5:12
Speaker 1: need to put ourselves first.
5:14
Speaker 3: Yes, I completely agree, and I had very similar experiences
5:18
Speaker 3: with this kind of thing as well, Like I think
5:20
Speaker 3: for me, I just get a little fomo. I also
5:22
Speaker 3: find oh, I used to get heaps just so much fomo,
5:25
Speaker 3: and I don't know if this is like at all relevant,
5:28
Speaker 3: But back in the day when my friends would want
5:30
Speaker 3: to go out and do things, I didn't have enough
5:31
Speaker 3: money to even go and do the things that they
5:33
Speaker 3: wanted to do. But also just going out every day
5:36
Speaker 3: with like a new outfit. I couldn't afford new clothes,
5:39
Speaker 3: I couldn't afford different things to wear, sort of go
5:40
Speaker 3: out in the same clothes, and I'd feel insecure about that.
5:43
Speaker 3: I'd feel insecure about not being able to go out
5:44
Speaker 3: and spend big money, like all these little things. And
5:47
Speaker 3: I'm like, you know, sometimes it's easiest just don't tell your.
5:51
Speaker 1: Friends don't care about unique clothes. And I think the
5:55
Speaker 1: most important thing to remember is that true friends they
5:58
Speaker 1: want to see you succeed. They want to see you
6:00
Speaker 1: be your best self, even if it means adjusting their
6:03
Speaker 1: ways in which they spend time with you, totally right, Like,
6:07
Speaker 1: I just think that a true friend is somebody who
6:11
Speaker 1: is able to go, Oh, I see it from your perspective,
6:14
Speaker 1: How can I help you with that goal or how
6:16
Speaker 1: can I help you along the way, not someone who's like, oh,
6:19
Speaker 1: got believe that wouldn't come Like I don't want to
6:21
Speaker 1: be your friend totally. That's not the type of friend
6:23
Speaker 1: behavior I accept. Neither should you, beck, thank you so much.
6:28
Speaker 3: One totally relatable experience, and I think we can all
6:30
Speaker 3: Really this is when a friend suggests a restaurant or
6:33
Speaker 3: an outing that's out of your budget.
6:35
Speaker 1: But exactly as I was saying, do you have fomo,
6:37
Speaker 1: I still want to go.
6:38
Speaker 3: We'll end up going and we'll spend more than when
6:40
Speaker 3: comfortable with and really bad.
6:43
Speaker 1: But here are a few stats. If you would, you
6:46
Speaker 1: are stat skilled today. I love it. What have you got?
6:48
Speaker 3: Okay, so a find A survey of Australians from last
6:51
Speaker 3: year found that one in five people that's twenty two
6:54
Speaker 3: percent have gone into debt or spend more than they
6:56
Speaker 3: can afford because of the pressure to spend. That is
6:59
Speaker 3: equivalent to four point three million people.
7:02
Speaker 1: So you're saying, in I guess a roundabout way, yes,
7:06
Speaker 1: so we're not alone. Everybody does it. Four point three
7:09
Speaker 1: million Other people also get for homo and also spend
7:12
Speaker 1: more than they should. Exactly, so it's not uncommon. Exactly.
7:15
Speaker 3: The stone also more than a quarter of assies, it's
7:19
Speaker 3: twenty eight percent.
7:20
Speaker 1: He's more than a quarter. Here's more than a quarter have.
7:22
Speaker 3: Felt forced into splitting a restaurant bill evenly, even if
7:25
Speaker 3: they have ordered less food than others.
7:27
Speaker 2: No.
7:27
Speaker 1: Absolutely not awkward when this happens. Absolutely not. No, it's
7:31
Speaker 1: how do you deal with it? When you go to
7:32
Speaker 1: a restaurant. How does that happen? Like, let's say we
7:34
Speaker 1: haven't been out for dinner together before, or you should
7:36
Speaker 1: go out for dinner. We should ill pay so we
7:38
Speaker 1: don't have to split the bill. But if we were
7:40
Speaker 1: going to split the bill, how do we do that?
7:41
Speaker 3: It does get a bit award because I don't really drink.
7:44
Speaker 3: Especially that's going to be a really terrible dinner. I'm
7:48
Speaker 3: saying that I can't.
7:50
Speaker 1: Use that lubricant of social interaction one out of ten.
7:54
Speaker 3: I mean, you can, everyone around me can. But this
7:56
Speaker 3: is where it gets a bit awkward for me. It
7:57
Speaker 3: depends who I'm going out with. Usually I'm going over
7:59
Speaker 3: my nearest and dearest, so there's no pressure to do
8:02
Speaker 3: that at all. I'm just like, hey, I actually didn't
8:04
Speaker 3: buy twenty bottles of wine.
8:05
Speaker 1: I had an entrey and you guys are boost exactly.
8:09
Speaker 3: So it ends up being super easy, and we tend
8:11
Speaker 3: to just get one person to pay, get the receipt.
8:13
Speaker 1: Pay what we bought. Yeah, that's stunning. But if it
8:16
Speaker 1: does come to that, god, it's awkward.
8:18
Speaker 3: Sometimes I just pay it because I'm like, I don't
8:19
Speaker 3: want to have a conversation about it.
8:22
Speaker 1: I just pay evenly even if it's not so do
8:24
Speaker 1: you reckon? The advice would be like, jump on it
8:27
Speaker 1: first and be like, oh, hey, we should grab the
8:30
Speaker 1: bill and work out what everyone knows. Yes, is that
8:32
Speaker 1: a better way to do it? That's a way. Yeah.
8:34
Speaker 1: I feel like getting on it early and being like
8:36
Speaker 1: the instigator of it, and you know, caring about everybody else,
8:39
Speaker 1: being like, oh, beck, I'm just gonna grab the bill
8:41
Speaker 1: so we can split it based on whateveryone's spent. Yeah, alright, worries,
8:44
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna grab it. Do you have a pen?
8:46
Speaker 1: I think it's so less awkward than someone being like yep,
8:49
Speaker 1: so we'll just split it even then go no, probably
8:52
Speaker 1: not as.
8:54
Speaker 3: Soon as you get to the restaurant, like take garld,
8:56
Speaker 3: I'm going to be this guy tonight, I'm not ordering
8:58
Speaker 3: blah blah blah blahlah, and then have that conceation as
9:00
Speaker 3: early as you can. Yeah.
9:02
Speaker 1: I feel like on a money podcast, we arguably should
9:04
Speaker 1: be more aggressive and be like, oh, it's so awkward,
9:07
Speaker 1: Like no, just bring it up. It's fine. But also like,
9:09
Speaker 1: we are women who exist in the real world, and like,
9:12
Speaker 1: I don't care how financially literate, I amost still get
9:15
Speaker 1: awkward having confronting conversations in social settings. So sometimes it's
9:20
Speaker 1: nice to have a little tool in your toolkit to
9:22
Speaker 1: use instead of having to have that confronting conversation. We're
9:25
Speaker 1: only human exactly, Like I'm still going to apologize for
9:28
Speaker 1: things even the way. No, I'm not sorry.
9:30
Speaker 3: You know, yes, good thing you mentioned that. Actually because
9:33
Speaker 3: we are women, but I haven't stat about men. Men
9:36
Speaker 3: have overspent substantially more than women to keep up with
9:39
Speaker 3: friends and families. Did you want the figure, I obviously
9:42
Speaker 3: want the figure, but I'm pretty sure that's because they
9:43
Speaker 3: earn more than us.
9:44
Speaker 1: This is what I was thinking as well, they've got
9:46
Speaker 1: more disposable income.
9:47
Speaker 3: Yeah, and also you know what they say, like guys
9:49
Speaker 3: take risks and all that kind of stuff, But how
9:52
Speaker 3: much more do men spend than women? So an average figure, yeah,
9:55
Speaker 3: fifteen hundred and sixty dollars, Yeah.
9:58
Speaker 1: Is nine hundred and twelve. That's significant. Yeah, it's like
10:01
Speaker 1: six hundred bucks more than women. It's almost double. Makes
10:05
Speaker 1: sense when they earn much more than we do, sure
10:08
Speaker 1: how much it may not makes sense to earn more
10:10
Speaker 1: for the same job. Yeah, that's true, so kind of
10:12
Speaker 1: like evens itself. And then lastly, yeah, millennials are the
10:16
Speaker 1: most vulnerable to financial peer pressure, with sixty nine percent
10:19
Speaker 1: having spent money because of social influence and relating to
10:23
Speaker 1: six percent admitting they've gone beyond their financial limits to
10:26
Speaker 1: do so. Nola, See this is where I want to
10:29
Speaker 1: pick people up and be like, we don't have to
10:31
Speaker 1: do it this way. Yes, exactly.
10:33
Speaker 3: But this brings me to the question, how would you
10:35
Speaker 3: manage a conversation with a friend if you were skin
10:37
Speaker 3: and they wanted to spend time with skint skint skint bones.
10:43
Speaker 2: Yeah.
10:43
Speaker 1: I feel like, as we said before, open and honest
10:46
Speaker 1: is the key to success in every successful relationship, right,
10:50
Speaker 1: And that's where I don't know. There's obviously so many
10:53
Speaker 1: good like know your value, know your worth, all of
10:56
Speaker 1: these things where we say, you know, just set clear
10:59
Speaker 1: financial goals and be clear about articulating them to your friends.
11:03
Speaker 1: But again, then I think we need to balance it
11:05
Speaker 1: with the real world, and that doesn't mean you need
11:07
Speaker 1: to overspend, but having a few like tips and tricks
11:09
Speaker 1: in your pockets, so you know, before you go out
11:12
Speaker 1: for the dinner, maybe you go, oh my gosh, guys,
11:15
Speaker 1: I'm going to be coming from a friend's barbecue and
11:17
Speaker 1: I will have already eaten. I'm probably just going to
11:20
Speaker 1: get a non trade. Just to clue you up on that.
11:23
Speaker 1: I just feel really awful when I say things like
11:26
Speaker 1: this because I think in this day and age, people
11:29
Speaker 1: expect more from me. They're like, no, no, no, you should
11:31
Speaker 1: be more aggressive about it. I'm like, yes, but that
11:33
Speaker 1: doesn't convert to people actually using these tips and tricks.
11:37
Speaker 1: Like Beck, you're not going to walk in and be like,
11:39
Speaker 1: oh well, Victoria told me to be more confident when
11:41
Speaker 1: talking about my money goals, so therefore I am like,
11:44
Speaker 1: that doesn't happen. So you know me going, oh well, Beck, actually,
11:48
Speaker 1: when it comes closer to the end of the night,
11:49
Speaker 1: why don't you be the one that suggests that we
11:52
Speaker 1: get the bill and work out what each person owes,
11:55
Speaker 1: Because then instead of someone saying, oh, well, actually, let's
11:59
Speaker 1: just split the bill, you're on the front foot and
12:02
Speaker 1: you can be like, oh no, actually, just think this
12:03
Speaker 1: is more fair for everybody involved, and it's not really
12:06
Speaker 1: a conversation as you're just putting down on the table.
12:08
Speaker 1: This is kind of how it's going to happen, because
12:11
Speaker 1: like if you have to have the awkward conversation like
12:13
Speaker 1: let's say Sally down the road or Sally on the
12:16
Speaker 1: other side of the tables, like, oh, no, Beck will
12:17
Speaker 1: just split it evenly, it's so much easier. You go, well, actually, Sally,
12:21
Speaker 1: that's not fair because like you know, one of us
12:24
Speaker 1: doesn't drink and this and that the other get lost.
12:26
Speaker 1: Sally get lost. But like you're the one leading that
12:29
Speaker 1: conversation in a way instead of having to like put
12:32
Speaker 1: your hand up to Sally who said, let's just split
12:35
Speaker 1: it evenly, and you go, oh, it's a bit awkward.
12:37
Speaker 1: It's not fair. It's this Like I just think that
12:39
Speaker 1: leading can often be something that gives you automatic confidence. Sure, right,
12:45
Speaker 1: And then it's also about setting expectations up front. As
12:47
Speaker 1: we've said before, there's no such thing as a friend
12:50
Speaker 1: that doesn't want to see you succeed. And if somebody
12:52
Speaker 1: doesn't want to see you succeed, they're a really terrible friend.
12:54
Speaker 1: Then we should be eating them out anyway, get out, Sally. Bye, Sally, Sally.
13:00
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, we've be so mean. What if there's
13:01
Speaker 1: somebody in our community listening right now and their name
13:03
Speaker 1: is Sally and they're like that the most wholesome, kind
13:06
Speaker 1: human being, and Sally's like they I would never do
13:08
Speaker 1: that Toime. Sorry, Sally, We're very Sally. I'm putting dirt
13:11
Speaker 1: on your name. Yeah, but we used your name because
13:12
Speaker 1: we liked it. We do you like it. It's a
13:14
Speaker 1: nice name. We do like it. But I think it's
13:16
Speaker 1: just about, you know, actually having a chat with your friend.
13:19
Speaker 1: I think I've said this before on the podcast, Like
13:22
Speaker 1: reframe it. I'd be like, oh my gosh, you're in
13:24
Speaker 1: a cost of living crisis. All of my friends are
13:27
Speaker 1: struggling at the moment. How about we just grab a
13:28
Speaker 1: coffee instead of brunch and go for a walk and
13:31
Speaker 1: like kind of reframe it. You don't have to open
13:33
Speaker 1: up about like oh, I don't actually have any money
13:36
Speaker 1: in my account right now, or oh I'm really trying
13:38
Speaker 1: to say for this if you're not comfortable with that,
13:40
Speaker 1: but like reframe it and be like, oh my gosh,
13:42
Speaker 1: you're probably feeling the pressure as much as I am,
13:45
Speaker 1: how about we xyz or why don't you come to
13:47
Speaker 1: my place and we'll make homemade pizzas. I actually have
13:50
Speaker 1: so much stuff in the fridge at the moment. Like,
13:52
Speaker 1: reframe it in a way that makes you comfortable while
13:55
Speaker 1: still outlining the boundaries that you have, and then if
13:58
Speaker 1: your friends still goes but I really wanted to try
14:01
Speaker 1: this fancy restaurant, you can say. And I think that
14:04
Speaker 1: saying oh, Beck, I can't afford that is very different
14:08
Speaker 1: to oh, I haven't allocated money in my budget for
14:10
Speaker 1: that this month because I'm working towards something else, Like
14:13
Speaker 1: to your mind, if we do something else because I
14:15
Speaker 1: really want to achieve that goal, doesn't matter if you
14:17
Speaker 1: have clarity on that goal or not. Yeah, Like you're
14:20
Speaker 1: setting a boundary and articulating it clearly. I don't care
14:23
Speaker 1: if you don't know what you're saving for. It could
14:25
Speaker 1: just be my goal is I couldn't even care if
14:27
Speaker 1: you just want to more cash in your account.
14:29
Speaker 3: Yeah, my goal is to be able to eat at
14:31
Speaker 3: the end of the base like.
14:32
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly, Like when there's two months month left for
14:36
Speaker 1: the money that you have. Yes, I think being able
14:38
Speaker 1: to say, oh, Beck, actually I've just got a lot
14:41
Speaker 1: of things that I'm you know, working towards at the
14:43
Speaker 1: moment that's not in my budget. Reframing your whole way
14:46
Speaker 1: of articulating money is really powerful, because if you're saying, beck,
14:51
Speaker 1: I can't afford it, that's you being like, oh, I
14:55
Speaker 1: can't afford something. No, no, no, do you know what
14:57
Speaker 1: we can all afford it at the cost of something
15:00
Speaker 1: else better? Yes, at the cost of eating at the
15:03
Speaker 1: end of the month, at the cost of going on
15:05
Speaker 1: that holiday that you've been planning, at the cost of
15:08
Speaker 1: buying your friend a birthday present. There's a cost involved.
15:11
Speaker 1: What it is is going to depend on the circumstance
15:14
Speaker 1: you're in. But I think it's very powerful to turn
15:16
Speaker 1: around and say, well, actually, we don't use the term
15:19
Speaker 1: I can't afford it. Use the term like I haven't
15:21
Speaker 1: budgeted for that this month, sure, or you know it's
15:23
Speaker 1: not in the budget, or you know I'm actually working
15:25
Speaker 1: towards something else, and any good friend will respect that
15:29
Speaker 1: and actually suggest something else that makes a lot more sense. True.
15:32
Speaker 3: Now, this actually does bring me to the next one.
15:34
Speaker 3: I was going to say, let's imagine the shoes on
15:36
Speaker 3: the other foot, and you want to hang out with
15:38
Speaker 3: someone who can't afford to maybe do whatever you want
15:42
Speaker 3: to do.
15:42
Speaker 1: Like, there are so many free activities. What would you Yeah,
15:45
Speaker 1: how would you do? You want to go for a walk,
15:46
Speaker 1: then go for walk. We can go for a walk
15:48
Speaker 1: around the Tan. Actually, I have these really cool takeaway cups,
15:52
Speaker 1: and I'm really good at making an espresso martini. Don't
15:54
Speaker 1: sneak one of those into the cup. Perfect, I'll bring
15:56
Speaker 1: it to the Tan and everyone will think we're drinking
15:58
Speaker 1: real coffee.
15:59
Speaker 2: Yet.
15:59
Speaker 1: How good is that for a Friday afternoon? Does sound fun? Actually, Beck,
16:02
Speaker 1: it's Saturday morning. I have so much bread in the freezer.
16:05
Speaker 1: How about we have a little picnic. I am going
16:08
Speaker 1: to make a little toast buffet. I'm going to bring
16:10
Speaker 1: the whole heap of different gems and spreads. I have
16:12
Speaker 1: an awesome flask. Yeah, I'm gonna put tea in there.
16:14
Speaker 1: What's your favorite tea?
16:15
Speaker 2: Oh?
16:15
Speaker 1: You want jasmine tea? Oh my gosh, We're gonna have
16:17
Speaker 1: jasmine tea and toast in the park. And I think
16:19
Speaker 1: that's gonna be cute. Do you want to bring the blanket?
16:21
Speaker 1: That's cutey? I like, do you want to go? Do
16:23
Speaker 1: you have a speaker. Can you be in charge of
16:25
Speaker 1: the music. It's so cheap.
16:27
Speaker 3: Free in free speaker is free ones you've made for it,
16:30
Speaker 3: but could.
16:31
Speaker 1: You please make sure it's charged though? Don't want to
16:33
Speaker 1: get to the park and then have to pay it off.
16:36
Speaker 1: Don't ruin it for everyone, Bet, put your phone in
16:38
Speaker 1: a glass or a cup. Yeah, we've all been there,
16:41
Speaker 1: we've all been there. We've all been there. But like,
16:43
Speaker 1: there are so many things that you can do, And
16:45
Speaker 1: to be honest, I could reframe that and be like
16:48
Speaker 1: Beck and I couldn't afford to go out for breakfast,
16:51
Speaker 1: so we ate cold toast in the park. Yeah sounds terrible,
16:55
Speaker 1: but like, why can't we embrace things and make them
16:58
Speaker 1: a little bit more fun? Sure, you don't necessarily have to,
17:02
Speaker 1: you know, have my frozen toast that I already had
17:04
Speaker 1: and have a fun time with it. Beck, we could
17:07
Speaker 1: swing past coals and get some fresh croissants, like you
17:10
Speaker 1: know how you can buy them in like a three
17:11
Speaker 1: or four pack, real cheap. And why don't we get whatever?
17:14
Speaker 1: You know, fruit is on sale and like a little
17:16
Speaker 1: thing of jam that could be really cute too, So like,
17:19
Speaker 1: it doesn't necessarily mean that you spend money, Like I
17:23
Speaker 1: feel like I'm doing this all the time with my
17:25
Speaker 1: friends as well, Like I obviously get Marley Spoon, and
17:27
Speaker 1: I love Marley Spoon, and I don't know how impressed
17:30
Speaker 1: they're going to be with me sharing this tip. But
17:32
Speaker 1: often when I get a Marley Spoon, I can look
17:35
Speaker 1: at the ingredients and say, ah, what would it take
17:38
Speaker 1: to scale this meal. Let's say it's like a curry
17:40
Speaker 1: with rice. All right, Well, I already have some extra
17:43
Speaker 1: rice in the pantry. I could make more rice, all right,
17:46
Speaker 1: Well this curry I could add like an extra zucchinian,
17:49
Speaker 1: extra carrot. We're good to go, Beck, do you want
17:51
Speaker 1: to cove dinner? I'm having curry. You're gonna be you?
17:55
Speaker 2: Yeah?
17:55
Speaker 1: I do it to Gabby all but it's one of
17:59
Speaker 1: those that like, why can't we just make the catch
18:03
Speaker 1: up a little bit more wholesome? House, Why don't we
18:06
Speaker 1: play a board game? I'm so lame, though, so I'm
18:08
Speaker 1: really happy with these things. Katan. We can play Katan together,
18:12
Speaker 1: and my husband's at home, and you need a minimum
18:14
Speaker 1: of three players to have a good game of Katan.
18:16
Speaker 1: You can't just have the two of us, And we
18:18
Speaker 1: do need him to come in and he's gonna play.
18:19
Speaker 1: He's going to play, whether relax it or not. He's
18:21
Speaker 1: good at it though, Oh no, it's really bad. But
18:25
Speaker 1: it's one of those things where what can we do
18:27
Speaker 1: that doesn't cost any money? And I mean it's coming
18:30
Speaker 1: into springing summer now, feel like it's so much easier
18:34
Speaker 1: to use outdoor spaces without freezing outlets off. Yeah, I
18:37
Speaker 1: love like that's helpful.
18:38
Speaker 3: That is a great place.
18:40
Speaker 1: To quickly absorb and go on a little break. I'll
18:43
Speaker 1: make you some toast. Thank you please.
18:51
Speaker 3: Okay, V we are back and we're talking about respecting
18:53
Speaker 3: your savings goals. And now I want to know what
18:54
Speaker 3: are some signs you're in a financially toxic friendship?
18:58
Speaker 2: Oh?
18:58
Speaker 1: Can we call them like red flags to make it
19:00
Speaker 1: more clear. Yes, here are some red flags for your
19:02
Speaker 1: toxic relationships. Yeah, toxic. Really toxic is like a keyword
19:07
Speaker 1: of twenty two, the word of the year. All right,
19:10
Speaker 1: So here are five things I've written down that are
19:12
Speaker 1: red flags to identify potentially toxic friends. First, their idea
19:19
Speaker 1: of having fun always invariably involves spending a lot of money.
19:24
Speaker 1: So when was the last time you hung out with
19:25
Speaker 1: a friend And didn't spend any money. What did that look?
19:29
Speaker 2: Like?
19:29
Speaker 1: How did that work? Or do you have a budget?
19:32
Speaker 1: And they just keep pushing beyond that and then either
19:35
Speaker 1: embarrass you for not keeping up or not socialized with
19:38
Speaker 1: you because you're not willing to spend it, And like,
19:40
Speaker 1: no point catching up with Beck if she doesn't want
19:42
Speaker 1: to go to that restaurant that I suggested. Beck never
19:45
Speaker 1: wants to catch up. She always says no, this is
19:50
Speaker 1: so anxiety and juicy, toxic, toxic. All right, do you
19:54
Speaker 1: want to know the next red flag?
19:56
Speaker 2: Yes?
19:56
Speaker 1: Please? All right? So you're always paying for things or
19:59
Speaker 1: loaning the money? No, toxic, toxic. If a friend is
20:02
Speaker 1: consistently asking you for money, is that friendship really worth
20:06
Speaker 1: the cost you're paying for a friend? Bet? Yeah, I
20:10
Speaker 1: see what you mean. I see what you mean. Like, yes,
20:12
Speaker 1: it is obviously very important to help friends, and we
20:14
Speaker 1: are not talking about friends who need the help, like
20:18
Speaker 1: that's a very different thing totally. But it's very important
20:21
Speaker 1: to also take care of your own financial help. And
20:24
Speaker 1: although it might feel embarrassing to bring up, you're not
20:27
Speaker 1: being selfish, Beck, Like, at the end of the day,
20:29
Speaker 1: that is not selfish at all. That friend is obviously
20:31
Speaker 1: using you and taking advantage of you. And oh, it's
20:37
Speaker 1: funny because I have lost friends over there. Sure it's
20:40
Speaker 1: one of those things. I'm going to use you as
20:42
Speaker 1: an example, okay, because like you're one of my favorite
20:44
Speaker 1: humans and I'm so lucky to get to work for you.
20:46
Speaker 1: But oh my gosh, I could give you a stick
20:48
Speaker 1: and be like, Beck, I got you this stick, and
20:50
Speaker 1: you're like, oh my gosh, this is the best stick
20:53
Speaker 1: in the entire world. I would like this morning before recording,
20:57
Speaker 1: or did I gift you? Oh, you're gifted with Donald's cookies.
21:00
Speaker 1: I gave you McDonald's cookies. You are over the moon
21:04
Speaker 1: for that, Like you are so excited. Right, I have
21:08
Speaker 1: lost friends recently because I just got over it. I
21:12
Speaker 1: got over being the one where if I go, hey, Beck,
21:14
Speaker 1: do you want to go out for brunch? And then
21:15
Speaker 1: the bill comes and they kind of just look at
21:17
Speaker 1: me because like they know I'm a higher income earner
21:19
Speaker 1: than them, and like it's okay because often I'm quite
21:24
Speaker 1: aware of that. I don't know how to tell you this,
21:26
Speaker 1: but like I do a lot of research into money.
21:29
Speaker 1: I talk about money all the time, and I know
21:32
Speaker 1: the privileged position I'm in. So if I'm at brunch
21:35
Speaker 1: and I'm in the financial position where I can go, oh, Beck,
21:37
Speaker 1: this is on me. I know that if I did
21:40
Speaker 1: that with you, Beck, you'd be like, oh my god,
21:41
Speaker 1: V are you sure like you? Okay, that's so nice.
21:44
Speaker 1: Like we'll have a whole conversation, you'll say thankful, you
21:46
Speaker 1: will genuinely be grateful for that interaction, and I go,
21:50
Speaker 1: I'm grateful that I could do that. I know that
21:52
Speaker 1: I've taken the financial pressure off you. Makes me feel good, right,
21:55
Speaker 1: And like, not everyone has to do that. Not everybody
21:58
Speaker 1: thrives on that. Right. My love language is gift giving,
22:02
Speaker 1: so like that really leans into who I am. And
22:04
Speaker 1: that's fine, But when somebody just fully expects it, it's
22:08
Speaker 1: kind of like, well, or they pick really expensive places
22:13
Speaker 1: and then don't offer to split the bill, and you're
22:15
Speaker 1: like this at is And if you're listening to this
22:17
Speaker 1: and you know that you're that friend, well ah, sorry,
22:21
Speaker 1: because that's why we don't catch up anymore because it
22:23
Speaker 1: was always me and I just didn't like it. And
22:26
Speaker 1: I think the irrespective of who you are, or where
22:28
Speaker 1: you are, or what your financial circumstances are, no one
22:31
Speaker 1: likes to feel used. No one likes to feel like
22:34
Speaker 1: they're being taken advantage of, right, And that generosity for me,
22:38
Speaker 1: I don't think ends so like, I hope I'm always
22:41
Speaker 1: that person, even beck when I was UNI, I would
22:44
Speaker 1: always want to take the pressure off my friends, even
22:47
Speaker 1: if I didn't have a lot, right, Like, I've always
22:50
Speaker 1: been that person who's like, no, no, no, I've got the coffee,
22:52
Speaker 1: Like I want to do that, and that's okay. I mean,
22:55
Speaker 1: it was always the best financial decision for me, but
22:57
Speaker 1: that's another story. But I think and once it becomes expected,
23:01
Speaker 1: you're kind of like, yeah, ill, no, absolutely not. And
23:05
Speaker 1: I think that's a red flag to someone who doesn't
23:07
Speaker 1: genuinely care about you or your circumstances, regardless of how
23:12
Speaker 1: much money you have totally, so you're either always paying
23:16
Speaker 1: for things or you're always loaning the money. Yeah, red flag,
23:19
Speaker 1: red flag.
23:21
Speaker 3: I did just want to quickly say, I do do
23:22
Speaker 3: this with my best friendly if I literally always borrow
23:24
Speaker 3: money from her and she always pays for everything.
23:26
Speaker 1: But it's different, And that's.
23:27
Speaker 3: What I wanted to say, because justs caase she's listening,
23:29
Speaker 3: I love you, but it's one of those things where
23:32
Speaker 3: that might be part of the relationship that you have
23:36
Speaker 3: and like she might go, oh beg, she always pays me.
23:39
Speaker 1: It's all goods exactly. It comes out in the water.
23:41
Speaker 1: It's one of those things that works for you in
23:43
Speaker 1: your relationship, and that doesn't necessarily make it a toxic relationship.
23:47
Speaker 1: I think it's where you start to feel used totally
23:50
Speaker 1: and you start to feel like that's maybe a very
23:52
Speaker 1: one way relationship and that's not okay, all right, sorry,
23:56
Speaker 1: another thing stabbing myself? Are you ready? I'm so excited?
24:01
Speaker 1: Red Flag. They're excessively generous. Interesting, Okay, here we go,
24:06
Speaker 1: especially after that ran all right, So excessive generosity could
24:10
Speaker 1: potentially have hidden undertones to it. Oh why are they
24:13
Speaker 1: doing that? What do they want?
24:15
Speaker 3: Makes sense?
24:16
Speaker 1: Do I want something from new Beck? So generosity could
24:20
Speaker 1: be and can be divided into subcategories.
24:23
Speaker 2: Beck.
24:23
Speaker 1: So you've got unrelenting, begrudging, fluctuating, controlling, and beguiling generosity.
24:30
Speaker 1: So the last two are particularly intriguing because they are
24:33
Speaker 1: rooted in selfishness. Beguiling, beguiling. Okay, introducing big words into
24:39
Speaker 1: cheese on the money and we've rebranded We're smarter now,
24:42
Speaker 1: Bigger words that's how it works. That's how it works.
24:45
Speaker 1: So your friend could be secretly wishing that you're paying
24:48
Speaker 1: them back sure, like either in money or favors or
24:51
Speaker 1: like ioe yous. Like you know that person where they're like, oh,
24:54
Speaker 1: but I bought you a coffee, so you owe me.
24:56
Speaker 1: Ill if you're going to buy something for somebody, there
24:59
Speaker 1: should be absolutely no expectation that that is returned. So,
25:03
Speaker 1: like you gave the example of your friend live before, right,
25:06
Speaker 1: you said at the end, it all comes out in
25:09
Speaker 1: the wash totally, and I'm assuming that means like sometimes
25:12
Speaker 1: you're like I need to borrow some cash and she's
25:14
Speaker 1: like yeah, no worries. And then other times you're like, oh,
25:17
Speaker 1: i'll pick up dinner, I'll grab your coffee. Like it
25:20
Speaker 1: all comes out in the wash. This is a relationship
25:22
Speaker 1: where it might not all come out in the wash,
25:24
Speaker 1: or what they want to come out in the wash.
25:26
Speaker 1: It's got some ulterior motives and that's a bit ick.
25:29
Speaker 1: So you can't help but feel that you owe that
25:32
Speaker 1: person who is always trying to foot the bill. It
25:35
Speaker 1: might make it harder to disagree with them, or you
25:38
Speaker 1: might end up just feeling more like a sidekick than
25:40
Speaker 1: a friend which is ick, that is sick, and I
25:42
Speaker 1: think it's worth calling out, especially after I'm like, oh,
25:44
Speaker 1: I love being generous. I think it's important to really
25:48
Speaker 1: understand if you're a generous person, why, And like, I've
25:52
Speaker 1: had to do a lot of inner work, even on myself,
25:55
Speaker 1: to go, well why am I like this? Because for
25:57
Speaker 1: a long period of time, I'm like, am I trying
25:59
Speaker 1: to buy their love? Am I trying to overcompensate for
26:01
Speaker 1: feeling like I don't have enough to offer? No, it's
26:04
Speaker 1: actually just like I get a lot of joy out
26:06
Speaker 1: of that. But I think you do need to look
26:07
Speaker 1: at yourself and go, well, why would that be the
26:09
Speaker 1: case and what does that mean? And I think we've
26:12
Speaker 1: all had at some point a friend that wants that
26:14
Speaker 1: one up. Yes, I don't want a one up friend. No,
26:17
Speaker 1: friends don't one up friends, even with like stories, regardless
26:20
Speaker 1: of money. Like if you say, oh my gosh, I
26:22
Speaker 1: had the worst weekend and then your friend turns around's like,
26:25
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I had a worse weekend. Yeah, terrible friend,
26:29
Speaker 1: terrible terrible friends. But we don't want that one out
26:31
Speaker 1: of ten, So that to me red flag? Yes, Okay,
26:35
Speaker 1: I agree, were you confused about it at the start. Yeah,
26:37
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, I thought this is this gonna
26:40
Speaker 1: be Righttice makes sense. Red Flag number four. They judge
26:42
Speaker 1: your spending habits. Ck, I do not agree with that.
26:46
Speaker 1: So they will judge how much you spend on things
26:48
Speaker 1: that make you happy. Actually doesn't concern anybody but you,
26:52
Speaker 1: unless we're talking about gambling or any other addiction, in
26:54
Speaker 1: which case you're impacting a lot of people and you
26:57
Speaker 1: need to get help. Flat that's a different story. But like,
27:00
Speaker 1: if somebody wants to judge me for my two lattes
27:03
Speaker 1: that I get every day, sit down, if someone wants
27:06
Speaker 1: to judge you for your five oat lattes, they're well
27:08
Speaker 1: within their rights because that's a SESSI ef bec sure
27:12
Speaker 1: that's actually where we draw the lot. Yeah, that's not
27:14
Speaker 1: draw the line right. But do you have a I'd
27:17
Speaker 1: never spend that much money kind of friend who silently
27:20
Speaker 1: or maybe loudly judges your spending habits. They'll often do
27:24
Speaker 1: in arguably a lack passive, aggressive way, with the goal
27:27
Speaker 1: of making you feel like trash. Like they want to
27:29
Speaker 1: make you feel guilty. They want to make you feel
27:31
Speaker 1: like you're less than them because they're never do that.
27:34
Speaker 1: We don't like that. At the base of this judgmental
27:37
Speaker 1: behavior actually lies a really irrational urge to contrast one's
27:40
Speaker 1: own spending habits with somebody else's without seeing the whole picture,
27:44
Speaker 1: in order for them to feel better about themselves. It
27:47
Speaker 1: has nothing to do with you, Beck, that's good to know.
27:49
Speaker 1: It has nothing to do with you, and everything to
27:52
Speaker 1: do with their own insecurities. Ah, they're the problem. They're
27:55
Speaker 1: the problem. They don't know that though I see and
27:58
Speaker 1: your that's unsatisfying to cut the friendship, then try and
28:01
Speaker 1: explain that, sure, because they'll probably try and cut the
28:03
Speaker 1: friendship if you did try to explain that. But essentially,
28:06
Speaker 1: we all have things that we prioritize our spending on,
28:10
Speaker 1: and it's actually nobody else's business what we prioritize, and
28:13
Speaker 1: if you choose to share that business with them, they
28:15
Speaker 1: should respect it and feel really privileged that you felt
28:18
Speaker 1: like they were a safe enough person to talk about
28:20
Speaker 1: money with a men exactly. All right, last red flag?
28:26
Speaker 1: Are you ready? They make fun of your income?
28:29
Speaker 2: Oh?
28:30
Speaker 1: No, that's not okay. People do it though? Really? Yeah,
28:33
Speaker 1: have you had someone laugh about the money that you make?
28:36
Speaker 1: Doesn't matter? If it's too little or too much. But
28:38
Speaker 1: laughing at someone's livelihood is honestly just blame disrespectful and
28:42
Speaker 1: really flipping rude. I don't think i've experienced it to
28:44
Speaker 1: be home. I'm so glad because I have, whether I
28:47
Speaker 1: earned a lot or a little, it has happened numerous times.
28:51
Speaker 1: But if a joke comes up regularly between you, sure
28:54
Speaker 1: your friends might actually be using humor to escape the
28:57
Speaker 1: responsibility for being malicious. They're just being rude, okay, they
29:03
Speaker 1: fruit flies, right, yeah, and that is not acceptable. And
29:08
Speaker 1: I find it interesting because it might not be them
29:10
Speaker 1: being like ha ha ha beck you earn x y
29:14
Speaker 1: Z Like it's often not as blatant as that. Yeah, like,
29:17
Speaker 1: oh bet can't come. She kin'd of thought that, right,
29:20
Speaker 1: all that kind of soul. That's do you know what
29:22
Speaker 1: I mean? Yeah, that makes sense. I think it's interesting.
29:25
Speaker 1: We can actually do everything, we just can't do everything
29:28
Speaker 1: at once. And how many times have we seen people
29:32
Speaker 1: who have lower incomes do these really cool things because
29:35
Speaker 1: it's in line with their values, whereas someone with a
29:38
Speaker 1: hired income Michael, who, oh my gosh, that is not
29:40
Speaker 1: worth my time. Like I know a lot of people
29:42
Speaker 1: who have really high incomes who are like Europe, absolute
29:46
Speaker 1: waste of money. I'm absolutely not going to be traveling
29:48
Speaker 1: to Europe Italy. What a waste of time. I can
29:51
Speaker 1: drink aperol home Beck, And then you know, when I
29:55
Speaker 1: was at university couldn't afford to travel. When was I traveling,
29:57
Speaker 1: then it was in line with my golds and values.
30:00
Speaker 1: Those people might not have had those same values. It's
30:02
Speaker 1: literally just the fact that your values are different from theirs.
30:06
Speaker 1: And to me, this is a massive red flag that
30:08
Speaker 1: they don't respect your wishes and your values and what
30:11
Speaker 1: you respect. Because I don't care what you earn well.
30:13
Speaker 1: I do because I pay you and I want to
30:15
Speaker 1: make sure that that's fair. But I also don't care
30:17
Speaker 1: what you spend personally. What I care about is that
30:20
Speaker 1: you have every single tool and resource at your disposal
30:24
Speaker 1: to make the right decision for you. I care a
30:26
Speaker 1: lot when you make a financial decision because you didn't
30:29
Speaker 1: know any better. I see it as my responsibility to
30:32
Speaker 1: be like, oh, Beck, like that decision. I don't care
30:35
Speaker 1: that you've made it. It's not a good or a
30:37
Speaker 1: bad decision. It doesn't actually matter. But did you know
30:39
Speaker 1: ABC and D exists and you could be like far out. No,
30:42
Speaker 1: I didn't. I didn't know I could do that, Or
30:44
Speaker 1: I didn't know that an emergency fund could make me
30:47
Speaker 1: feel so much more, you know, financially secure, even if
30:50
Speaker 1: it's only a little amount of money. That's why she is.
30:53
Speaker 1: All the money exists right because it's got nothing to
30:55
Speaker 1: do with judgment. I don't give a flip what you
30:57
Speaker 1: spend your money on, and you do what. I don't
30:58
Speaker 1: even care how you earn it, as long as it's
31:00
Speaker 1: legal and consenting, like that's all important. But I think
31:04
Speaker 1: if you choose to do anything and you're making that money,
31:07
Speaker 1: go get that bank, sis, go get that bank, Go
31:09
Speaker 1: get that bag. I care how you make it. I
31:11
Speaker 1: don't care what you make. All I care is that
31:12
Speaker 1: you are a happy, full stop end of story. And
31:14
Speaker 1: this is why I really appreciate you. Oh thanks, Now
31:18
Speaker 1: it's because I brought you Macus, It's because you brought
31:20
Speaker 1: me Maxis Coues. That's the main thing.
31:23
Speaker 3: So I guess, lastly, what should people do if they're
31:26
Speaker 3: listening to this and it does resonate.
31:28
Speaker 1: No, sorry that your friends are rich. Sorry, sorry, we
31:31
Speaker 1: can be your new friends. We can.
31:33
Speaker 3: Actually, I think the first step you should take is
31:35
Speaker 3: to reach out to us and we will be your friends.
31:36
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly ten out of ten. I think setting boundaries
31:39
Speaker 1: is really important. So it doesn't necessarily mean that you
31:42
Speaker 1: have to cancel the friendship. I am quite dramatic, so
31:45
Speaker 1: when I said that, oh, just immediately canceled. But I
31:48
Speaker 1: think just setting some boundaries, maybe taking a step back
31:50
Speaker 1: from that friendship, or even just being more critical when
31:52
Speaker 1: you're in those circumstances to be like, oh, what does
31:55
Speaker 1: this actually mean? Know that it's not you, Like it's
31:58
Speaker 1: always a reflection of their insecurity. Is it's actually a
32:01
Speaker 1: reflection of how they feel about you. Because any person
32:04
Speaker 1: that sees some other human being doing something that they
32:07
Speaker 1: don't agree with, they have no idea what the flip
32:09
Speaker 1: side looks like. So it's not actually their place to judge,
32:12
Speaker 1: and it's absolutely them reflecting their own insecurities onto you. Totally,
32:17
Speaker 1: so know that it's not you. But yeah, I think
32:19
Speaker 1: just taking a step back from that friendship for a
32:22
Speaker 1: hot minute. But also if it's something that you think
32:25
Speaker 1: that they're not privy to, ask them to respect your boundaries,
32:28
Speaker 1: ask them to respect you, call them out for their
32:32
Speaker 1: crappy jokes. If someone's making fun of you, be like,
32:35
Speaker 1: I hope you don't actually think that's funny. Yeah, because
32:38
Speaker 1: it's not. It's rude and it's mean and it's hurtful.
32:41
Speaker 1: And the amount of times you've said it it makes
32:44
Speaker 1: me think that it's not a joke, you're just being malicious. Yeah.
32:47
Speaker 1: My favorite question ever, this actually works really well on
32:50
Speaker 1: medio committle aged white men when they say something and
32:54
Speaker 1: you go, oh, pretend you don't understand it. Even if
32:57
Speaker 1: you do, what do you mean by that? Yes, Like
33:02
Speaker 1: at conferences when people would arguably have had too many
33:05
Speaker 1: drinks and they say something that's rather inappropriate, you'd be like,
33:08
Speaker 1: play dumb, Oh beck, what did you mean by that?
33:12
Speaker 1: Because then they have to explain their terrible comment because
33:16
Speaker 1: you didn't get it, did you, Yes, because you're dumb.
33:19
Speaker 1: You want them to dig their own grave. And if
33:20
Speaker 1: they're smart, they'll be like, oh, nothing, hah, and then
33:23
Speaker 1: they'll walk off. True. But if they double.
33:25
Speaker 3: Down, they have to repeat it and explain it and
33:29
Speaker 3: go into detail, deep dive into word.
33:31
Speaker 1: I said, that's a great idea. Dead pan, you look
33:34
Speaker 1: at them and go, oh, beck, did you mean to
33:36
Speaker 1: be helpful or hurtful with that? Oh my god, perfect,
33:40
Speaker 1: what did you mean? And then they have to be like, ah,
33:43
Speaker 1: because like they sure as hell weren't being helpful and
33:46
Speaker 1: they weren't being helpful one or the other. That's fly
33:48
Speaker 1: were you being helpful or helpful with that one? And
33:51
Speaker 1: then they have to go, oh, no, it's just a joke.
33:53
Speaker 1: I'll be like, oh, sorry, I didn't think it was
33:55
Speaker 1: a joke. Oh so so sorry. I just was a
33:58
Speaker 1: bit confused about your intention. God, she's good, helpful or hurtful?
34:03
Speaker 1: And oh what do you mean by that? Like they're
34:05
Speaker 1: my two favorite things to just acculably make people uncomfortable
34:09
Speaker 1: with their own words.
34:10
Speaker 3: People taking note, because if this happens to you, any
34:12
Speaker 3: of these five toxic traits, if you ever experienced in
34:16
Speaker 3: real life, use that.
34:18
Speaker 1: I think that's very funny because it's also like not
34:20
Speaker 1: that confrontational. You get to pretend to be dh it's
34:23
Speaker 1: get to pretend to be so silly, like you don't
34:26
Speaker 1: have to be like, oh hey, beck, that comment's really mean.
34:29
Speaker 1: And then they get to be like, oh, well, I
34:30
Speaker 1: don't think it's mean. Yeah, I don't know. Ask them
34:33
Speaker 1: their intention totally, don't give them a chance to know,
34:35
Speaker 1: no chance you explain yourself. Ah, don't be friends with
34:38
Speaker 1: people who have studied psychology, their psychopaths. Beck Oh true,
34:41
Speaker 1: I love that. Yeah, now that is a good place.
34:43
Speaker 1: That's a perfect place to leave it today. All right,
34:46
Speaker 1: we have loved hanging out with you this Wednesday. Obviously
34:49
Speaker 1: we'll see one Friday for a little Friday rap episode.
34:52
Speaker 1: But till then, have a beautiful week.
34:53
Speaker 3: We love you, Bye, guys.
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