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Mojo Monday - Judging Others: Why Curiosity Is Often the Wiser Choice With Carly Taylor · Hardiness with Dr Paul Taylor

• 0:09
  Speaker 1: Everyone, it's Cully here for this week's Mojo Monday. I've
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: talked a lot on Mojo Monday about our inner critic,
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: but today I want to explore a different voice that
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: lives inside all of us, and that is the voice
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: that judges others. So before I get into it, I
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: just want to say very clearly that judging others is normal.
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: I don't think anybody who is listening to this will
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  Speaker 1: say that they've never judged anybody. It's really built into
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: the human brain, and from an evolutionary perspective, quick assessments
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  Speaker 1: helped us survive. So we needed to know who we
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  Speaker 1: could trust, who contributed to the tribe, or who might
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: be a threat. So judgment was information and it was
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: about survival. But I'm going to talk about the unhelpful
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  Speaker 1: kind of judgment here, kind that can be really harsh.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: It's a kind of judgment that fuels gossip and criticism
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  Speaker 1: or self righteousness. And we all know someone who does
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  Speaker 1: this chronically, and sometimes, if we're really honest with ourselves,
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  Speaker 1: that someone has been us. And I know it has
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  Speaker 1: been me at times, and when I look back, I
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  Speaker 1: can see that in those moments, what I lacked was
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  Speaker 1: that stoic virtue of wisdom. I didn't pause, I didn't
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  Speaker 1: reflect on my choices. I just reacted. And this is
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  Speaker 1: where curiosity can become really powerful. So instead of snapping
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: into judgment mode, what if we paused long enough to ask,
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  Speaker 1: I wonder why they see it that way? Or I
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  Speaker 1: wonder what it feels like to be them right now?
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  Speaker 1: This simple shift moves us from a narrow view to
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: a wider one, And there's actual research that backs this up.
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: So studies from Stanford and UC Berkeley show that taking
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: a moment to adopt another person's perspective reduces emotional reactivity,
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  Speaker 1: it lowers stress, and it also increases compassion. It doesn't
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  Speaker 1: mean that we have to agree with anything, but what
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  Speaker 1: we can do is understand, and that tiny widening of
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  Speaker 1: perspective can change everything because curiosity softens that in a judge,
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  Speaker 1: It gives your nervous system breathing room. You become more
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  Speaker 1: grounded and less triggered, and more capable of responding wisely.
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  Speaker 1: So you may not agree with what that person is
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  Speaker 1: saying or doing, and that's okay. You may even think
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  Speaker 1: that they're completely wrong, But when you imagine standing in
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  Speaker 1: their shoes for a moment, so their upbringing, their stresses,
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  Speaker 1: their blind spots, their fears, something really interesting can happen.
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: The judgment loses its intensity. You see a human rather
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: than a problem. And you might also recognize something that
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  Speaker 1: the Stoics understood deeply, and that is that some people
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  Speaker 1: simply haven't developed the wisdom to pause before reacting, and
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  Speaker 1: sometimes neither have we. So either way, curiosity opens the
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: door to compassion rather than conflict. So Marcus Cyrilius, the
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: Stoic philosopher, he wrote in his journal to himself, So
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: I find that fascinating. With all the lessons and the
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: quotes of Marcus Aurelius, he is actually talking to himself.
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: And he wrote, you always have the power to have
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: no opinion, so that means you don't have to voice
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  Speaker 1: every thought that your mind produces. And he also said
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: things are not asking to be judged by you, lee
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: them alone. I think that's really really good advice that
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: he gave for himself. And Epictetis, the Stoic philosopher, said,
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  Speaker 1: it's not things that upset us, but our opinions about things.
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  Speaker 1: So next time someone's political beliefs irritate you, or their
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: behavior feels wrong, or their choices don't match yours. Try
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  Speaker 1: this pause, get curious, ask what might this look like
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  Speaker 1: from their perspective, and ask yourself, is voicing my judgment
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  Speaker 1: wise or will it create unnecessarily suffering? Because most of
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  Speaker 1: the time, what people think and feel and do is
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  Speaker 1: outside of your control, but how you interpret it and
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  Speaker 1: how you respond is completely within yours. And sometimes choosing
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: not to express your opinion is a better long term
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  Speaker 1: option than potentially creating conflict that may not end well.
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: And maybe this is actually really good advice in the
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: lead up to Christmas. So here's a beautiful surprising part.
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  Speaker 1: When you move from judgment to curiosity, you actually suffer less.
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  Speaker 1: Your nervous system comes, your relationships soften, You become steadier
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  Speaker 1: and a kind of version of yourself. So this week
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  Speaker 1: and maybe on Christmas Day, try a little stoic experiment.
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  Speaker 1: When judgment rises, pause, choose not to voice your opinion.
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  Speaker 1: Instead shift it to curiosity, because you might find that
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  Speaker 1: curiosity feels a lot better than being right. Have a
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: great week, everyone, and I'll catch you next week. Thea