Latest / Adult Child of Dysfunction / E 354: Tammy's Takes #37: Why Trauma Hijacks Your Attention (And How to Reclaim It)

Transcript

E 354: Tammy's Takes #37: Why Trauma Hijacks Your Attention (And How to Reclaim It) · Adult Child of Dysfunction

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  hello, everybody.
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  Welcome back to another episode of Tammy's Takes, where we take powerful conversations and turn them into practical strategies you can use right here, right now.
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  So if you haven't had a chance to listen to yesterday's episode, I encourage you to go back and check it out, because I had the privilege of speaking with Kira Shishkin, the CEO of Informed Now, a unique news
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  platform that's changing the way people consume information.
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  Kira is a four-time entrepreneur, a Forbes 30 Under 30 recipient, and someone whose life was forever changed after surviving a devastating car accident as a child that left him in a coma with a traumatic brain injury.
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  During our conversation, he shared his incredible story of resilience and recovery, but what really caught my attention was something that he said.
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  He said that attention is one of our greatest superpowers.
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  I couldn't stop thinking about that.
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  Because while I absolutely agree with him, I also believe attention is something else for many people.
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  I think attention is information.
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  In fact, I believe your attention is one of the greatest clues your nervous system gives you about what's happening beneath the surface.
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  So many people come to me saying things like, "Oh my God, Tammy, I can't focus.
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  My mind never shuts off.
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  I'm constantly distracted.
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  I overthink everything.
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  I can't stay present."
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  And the list goes on.
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  And I don't believe that attention is actually the real problem.
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  I think it's pointing us to something much, much deeper than that.
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  if you grew up in a dysfunctional family like many of us did, your attention wasn't designed for peace.
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  It was designed for survival.
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  Your attention learned to scan a room before you walked into it.
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  It learned to notice change in someone's voice, the way the cupboard slam, the sighs, the silence, the tension.
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  Honestly, many of us became very good at reading everyone else because somewhere along the way, your nervous system learned a message that if I can predict what's coming, maybe I can stay safe.
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  And that's not a character flaw, it's survival.
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  But the problem is that many of us are still using that same survival strategy decades later.
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  So today, your attention might bounce from an email to social media, to worrying about your finances, to replaying a conversation, to wondering if someone is upset with you.
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  And then what do you tell yourself?
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  You, of course, immediately beat yourself up and you question, "What's wrong with me?
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  Why can't I just focus?"
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  Let's rethink this for a minute.
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  Maybe nothing's wrong with you.
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  Maybe your nervous system is simply doing exactly what it learned to do years ago.
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  One of the thing I loved about Kira's interview was the exercise he shared called the attention audit.
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  He encourages people to simply notice where their attention goes throughout the day.
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  I love that exercise because awareness is always the first step.
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  You can't change what you don't notice, obviously.
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  But I'd like to build on Kira's idea and take it one step deeper.
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  I call it the attention breadcrumb exercise, and I know you're thinking, "Oh my gosh, Tammy, here we go, another exercise."
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  But I like you to be able to practice things.
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  I like you to be able to put them into a tangible exercise that you can do to see if you can shift just a tiny bit what's been going on and the patterns that you have.
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  So I don't just want you to notice where your attention goes for this.
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  I want you to discover where it first learned to go, and here's how it works.
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  The next time you catch yourself worrying, overthinking, replaying the conversation, or getting distracted, or spiraling into worst-case scenarios, I want you to just pause.
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  You know there is so much power in the pause.
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  Don't criticize yourself.
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  Don't try to fix it.
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  Just ask yourself, "Where did my attention just go?"
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  Maybe it went to fear.
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  Maybe it went to money.
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  Maybe it went to thinking about your health.
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  Maybe it went to thinking about your children.
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  Maybe it went to someone else's opinion of you.
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  Who cares?
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  Just name it.
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  Now ask yourself a second most important question: When have I felt this before?
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  Not yesterday, not last week, but just go all the way back.
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  This is to remind you of trying to keep the peace in your home, trying not to make a mistake, trying to avoid criticism, trying to earn someone's love.
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  We're talking about walking on eggshells here, and that is where your attention always went.
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  Did you feel like you always had to be perfect?
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  Because here's what I've learned.
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  Our attention rarely lives in the present.
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  It follows old trails or, in my case, breadcrumbs.
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  It follows old emotional memories.
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  It follows survival patterns our nervous system created years, sometimes honestly even decades ago.
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  Now, here's the most important part.
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  Close your eyes for just a moment.
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  Picture that younger version of yourself.
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  Maybe they were six, eight, 10, 15, whatever it was.
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  Just notice them.
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  Now ask that younger version of yourself one simple question: "What were you trying to protect me from?"
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  Then listen.
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  Just listen.
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  Don't force an answer.
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  Just be curious.
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  You might be surprised by what comes up, because that younger version of you wasn't trying to sabotage your life.
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  They were trying to help you survive it.
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  Now I want you to take a slow breath, deep breath, put your hand over your heart, look around the room, notice five things you can see, feel your feet on the floor, and quietly remind yourself, "That was then.
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  This is now.
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  I don't have to keep looking for danger.
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  Today, I get to choose where my attention goes."
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  healing isn't just about changing your thoughts.
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  It's about teaching your nervous system that life is different now, that you don't have to scan every single room you walk into.
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  You don't have to anticipate everybody's emotions.
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  You don't have to prepare for every single possible disaster that could possibly come your way.
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  You can finally begin paying attention to yourself, to your needs, to your joy, to your happiness, to your own peace.
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  Because after working with hundreds of people who grew up in dysfunctional homes, I've noticed something: Where your attention lives, your life follows.
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  So if your attention is always looking for danger, your nervous system never gets to rest.
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  If your attention is always focused on what everyone else thinks, you slowly lose sight of yourself.
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  And if your attention is always on what's missing, you'll miss what's already beautiful about your world.
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  So I wanna encourage you, begin intentionally bringing your attention back to the present, back to your body, back to your values, back to your own voice, back to what you should be cherishing all along.
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  And sometimes when you do this, incredible things begin to happen.
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  You begin rebuilding something that trauma often takes away, and that is self-trust.
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  You've heard me say it so many times.
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  Because every time you choose where your intention goes, instead of allowing your survival patterns to choose for you, you're telling your nervous system, "We're safe now.
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  I've got us."
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  And that is where the healing begins, my friends.
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  So this week, I'd encourage you to try both exercises.
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  Start with Kira's attention audit, and simply notice where your attention usually goes throughout the day.
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  Then use the attention breadcrumb exercise, and ask yourself, "Where did my attention go?
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  When have I felt this before?
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  And what was my younger self at that time trying to protect me from?"
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  Those are three questions that honestly alone can uncover patterns that have been running your life for years.
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  And if you're listening today and you're thinking, "Oh, I know my attention is trying to tell me something, I just don't know what it is," I'd love to help you discover it.
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  I offer a complimentary clarity and calm call, where we'll explore the hidden patterns behind your attention, your triggers, your nervous system, and the beliefs that may have been shaping your life-- since childhood.
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  Sometimes we simply can't see our patterns ourselves because we've been living inside of them for so long.
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  So together, we can look at them.
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  We'll begin connecting the dots so you can move forward from survival into genuine self-trust and lasting healing.
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  You can book your complimentary call using the link in today's show notes.
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  Until next time, remember, your attention isn't your enemy, it's a messenger.
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  And when you begin listening to it with curiosity instead of criticism, it might just lead you to the very place your healing has been waiting all along.
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  So until next time, my friends, I love you guys.
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  I will see you back, and I hope that helped just even the tiniest little bit.
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  Because tiny steps of healing is how it all happens.
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  Have a blessed day