Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / 240. Men… If You Want To Keep Her, Listen To This

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240. Men… If You Want To Keep Her, Listen To This · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Apodjay Production.
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: Quick little favor from us. If you've been loving the podcast,
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: can you please hit the follow button.
• 0:14
  Speaker 3: It might seem small, but it actually helps us so much.
• 0:16
  Speaker 3: This podcast is completely free, and every follow means that
• 0:19
  Speaker 3: we can keep showing up, keep having these real conversations,
• 0:21
  Speaker 3: and keep bringing you two episodes every single week.
• 0:24
  Speaker 2: It honestly means the absolute world to us, and we
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: don't take a single one of you for granted. So
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: if you're here, if you're loving it, come and join
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: us properly and hit that follow button.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: Let's get into it. Welcome to the She Rises Podcast.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: I'm Ashy and I'm Tiana.
• 0:37
  Speaker 3: This podcast is about female empowerment and encouraging you to
• 0:40
  Speaker 3: be your biggest, boldest, and most authentic version of yourself.
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: else is too afraid to talk about.
• 0:51
  Speaker 3: Get ready for your next level of self. Welcome back
• 0:55
  Speaker 3: to another episode of She Rises. My goodness, do we
• 0:58
  Speaker 3: have a different kind of episode for you today?
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: I'm excited and men, this one is for you.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: Yes, Actually, I.
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: Feel like if you're listening to this and you've got
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: a husband or boyfriend, send it on to them.
• 1:08
  Speaker 3: What we've got to say, forward that shit on, because men,
• 1:11
  Speaker 3: if you want to keep her, this is going to
• 1:12
  Speaker 3: be the episode Fear. We're going to give you the
• 1:14
  Speaker 3: ins and outs of what women really want when they
• 1:17
  Speaker 3: aren't direct, they don't openly communicate, and all of the
• 1:20
  Speaker 3: things that are going to help you keep her your heart.
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: And more intimacy in and outside the bedroom.
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: Trust me, because when a woman feels safe, she will
• 1:29
  Speaker 3: become a freak in the sheets.
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: That's right before we get started with do ourh chairs
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: of the week?
• 1:34
  Speaker 3: Yes, my share of the week is really random. Okay,
• 1:37
  Speaker 3: it's by a brand called Kooi. They're organic grass fed
• 1:40
  Speaker 3: beef sticks.
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: I like the flavored ones too.
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: They do.
• 1:44
  Speaker 3: They've got like pizza ye spicy ones, which I like. Yeah,
• 1:47
  Speaker 3: it's like seven grams of protein or something and just
• 1:50
  Speaker 3: random meat stick. But it's organic, so it makes me
• 1:51
  Speaker 3: feel better about eating them and even my natural paths.
• 1:54
  Speaker 3: She eats them as well and recommends them honestly, just
• 1:57
  Speaker 3: a really good snack. Yeah.
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I didn't love them at first, but now I've
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: kind of grown to like them more of a sweet
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: girl though I am more of a sweet girl, but
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: I'm all so like trying to focus more proteins. That's
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: good to find. Yeah, protein healthy alternatives, little hacks. Yeah,
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: so cool. It's yours, not protein filed another snack as well.
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: Though I recommended these, oh just on my social media
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: years and years ago, but I got into a hab
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: where I was having them wagh too much. So I
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: don't have them every day because it does have rice
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: bran oil in it, which isn't the best oil for you.
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: But they're gluten free, vegan chippies and they're made from cauliflower.
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: They're so yummy. I get them from a little shop
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: down the road from my house. But there's like kale
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: and pepper, lime and chili flavor sour cream, and there's
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: like original they're so Moorish. They're so yum, very savory. Yeah,
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: it kind of gets stuck in your teeth, but it's
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: fun to like get on.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: The flavor because it tastes good.
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: It is a full experience. So the brand is t
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: E m O l E Tmoli to Moley Coliflower puffs.
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: Let's get interest absolutely.
• 2:56
  Speaker 3: So we've created kind of like a little bit of
• 2:58
  Speaker 3: a list where we've both added to the list of
• 3:00
  Speaker 3: things that we think that will help you keep your
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: woman because we know what it's like for what we
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: want when we're in that position, and what has really
• 3:08
  Speaker 3: helped us and been really good for us, made us
• 3:10
  Speaker 3: feel really special and made us want to lean in
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: even more to our partners, and just.
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: Even experience with our single girlfriends of things that are
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: experiencing with men that it's absolutely not it. I'm like,
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: when I hear stories of the single girl diaries, I'm like,
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: oh my god, you're joking, right, it didn't happen, but
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: it does happen, and I'm like truly shocked. So I
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: just I want men to listen to this so they
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: can take some notes or change up what they're doing,
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: because it might think what they're doing is really nice
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: in the bedroom outside the bedroom, and it's actually not.
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  Speaker 2: It's not. So let's get started, let's get into it.
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: Let's waste no time.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: So Number one, I just think touch her more, even
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: if she's not a fully physical touch girlie doesn't have
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: to always be super sexual. It's like hold her hand
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  Speaker 2: in the car, put your hands in a lap in
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: the kitchen, just like grab a shoulder and give a
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: little massage when you kiss her, grab her face, like
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: just much more little moments of just micro modes of connection.
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  Speaker 2: I think the touch is so nice and the more
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: you do it, the more she just feel seen and
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: held and acknowledged by you. It's like touch can speak
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  Speaker 2: louder than a lot of words. And it's little effort.
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: It doesn't take much to grab her hand, to touch her.
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: It's very little effort. You're right, and it stops you
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: being just roommates. You're together, you're a couple. You're in love. Like,
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: keep that love there. That's a way to connect.
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  Speaker 3: I think on a deeper level as well, it makes
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  Speaker 3: women feel desired. Yes, well, I mean speaking for myself really,
• 4:26
  Speaker 3: it makes me feel desired and it is it's like
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: in that moment you're like, oh wow, he thought about me.
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: Oh like, and just knowing that your partner wants to
• 4:32
  Speaker 3: be close to you, it makes you feel so special
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: and then that makes you want to do more for
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: your partner as well. So what you put in, you'll
• 4:40
  Speaker 3: get out and tenfold.
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: And when expand everything, Oh they do, don't they. It's
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: like if you give them shit, they will give you
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: a fire if you.
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: Give them creative, baby, that's weird.
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  Speaker 3: And if you give them lots of love and attention,
• 4:50
  Speaker 3: they will be a porn star in the bedroom.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: We'll get to that Leada, well, that's funny.
• 4:57
  Speaker 3: Appreciate her, just let her know more, more, more, more,
• 5:03
  Speaker 3: appreciation more words.
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: Women.
• 5:06
  Speaker 3: Mostly, I'm not speaking for everyone, but this is a
• 5:07
  Speaker 3: huge generalization. Most women love to feel appreciated, love to
• 5:12
  Speaker 3: hear what they're doing right, and love to hear what
• 5:15
  Speaker 3: really lands for you. So if there's something that she
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: does where you just really appreciate it and you don't
• 5:19
  Speaker 3: think it's going to be a big deal, tell her
• 5:21
  Speaker 3: that's right in detail, tell her why it impacts you,
• 5:24
  Speaker 3: tell her why it feels good. Tell her exactly what
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: it is that she did in the way that she
• 5:28
  Speaker 3: did and the way she cooked your favorite meal, what
• 5:30
  Speaker 3: it does for you, and how important that is for her.
• 5:32
  Speaker 3: She will love on you so hard if you appreciate her.
• 5:35
  Speaker 3: And again, the more that you pour into her, the
• 5:37
  Speaker 3: more that she's going to pour into you.
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  Speaker 2: Definitely, I think this is both men and women. We
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: love to feel appreciated. But even to speak from a
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: mum's point of view, like we carry such a big
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: mental load, and there's so much we do every single
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: day and every single week that maybe you forget about.
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: Like I speak to a lot of mum friends and
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: maybe it's like, well, even lately, I've been doing all
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: the washing. And then stick he did a load on
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: the weekend. He was like, gosh, that's so much washing.
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: I'm like, yeah, no shit, And see its a very
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: hands on partner. We do a lot of things fifty fifty.
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: It's just one of the jobs that I've taken on.
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: But like it's like that little moment of just like
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  Speaker 2: feeling appreciated that I do all the washing. That means
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  Speaker 2: the world to me, and it makes me continue to
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: do the washing. And I want you to do the washing. Yeah,
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: I do it all the time. He never notices and appreciates.
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: I'd be like, fuck, sake this washing. Yeah, you know,
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  Speaker 2: it's just like little moments. If she's cooking every night
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: for you, or she's putting the kids to bed every
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: night while you're doing whatever whatever she's doing, just take
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: note and let her know express to her. I mean
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: a text message, face to face. Those little messages go
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: such a long way, and vice versa. Like I'm something
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  Speaker 2: I'm very conscious off with Steve as well.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, and it's the little things as well. Like you
• 6:35
  Speaker 3: think the little things don't add up, but they do do,
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  Speaker 3: They really do.
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  Speaker 2: And it's usually the little moments.
• 6:39
  Speaker 3: That people appreciate because it's like you took the time
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  Speaker 3: to notice. I think that's a big thing. We move
• 6:44
  Speaker 3: so fast in this world and we can miss a
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: lot of things when it comes to our partners because
• 6:49
  Speaker 3: we're both living busy, full lives most of the time.
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: Plus if you have children, you've got another layer of
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: responsibility there, so acknowledging the little things goes a really
• 6:58
  Speaker 3: long way.
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: I agree. All right, up next, spice, spice and more spice.
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: Men in the bedroom, take your fucking time. Slow is better,
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: Slow down everything everything. Literally a fact that it takes
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: most women, and not every single time, because some spontaneous
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: sex sometimes a great thing, but most times, especially if
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: women are strung out they've been mothering all day or
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: working all day, minimum twenty minutes for their body to relax.
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: Twenty minutes of you touching them, kissing them, massaging them,
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: putting music on, making a beautiful experience. It takes that
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: long for us to like actually take a breath and
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: open up like emotionally and physically and even long. It's
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: even better. I remember it. But I was a part
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: of the Tony Robins platinum membership. We're on a relationship
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: trip in Hawaii, and I remember learning this from him. Wow.
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: He literally sent us home at that night and he's like,
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: when you guys go back to your room tonight, Oh wow, men,
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: twenty minutes of touch and do not touch her vagina. Wow,
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: twenty minutes everywhere else. I love minimum. And he's like,
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: forty minutes. Even better. You watch you give her forty
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: minutes of touch without going there. She will be like
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: begging for it to be ready. Yeah, so ready her body,
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: she's out of her head. She's like just so soft.
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: And I've always remembered that, and it's so true, really true.
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: So just take your time.
• 8:15
  Speaker 3: Honestly, the anticipation is everything when it comes to the bedroom.
• 8:18
  Speaker 3: And you know, especially in a world where you know
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: there are unhealthy ways of representing the bedroom, like things
• 8:25
  Speaker 3: like porn and things like that, obviously very unhealthy, very
• 8:28
  Speaker 3: unrealistic ways of what the bedroom looks like. And majority
• 8:31
  Speaker 3: of men learn from that or they watch that or
• 8:34
  Speaker 3: have seen it or have experienced it at some point
• 8:36
  Speaker 3: in their life.
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 8:37
  Speaker 3: You may not watch it, but you may have experienced it.
• 8:39
  Speaker 3: And the reality is like what women want is so
• 8:42
  Speaker 3: far away from what they portray on porn, so far away.
• 8:45
  Speaker 3: So things like anticipation and leading up and slowing down
• 8:49
  Speaker 3: on the build up is everything for a woman. A
• 8:52
  Speaker 3: woman is very visual people, right, So for us, when
• 8:56
  Speaker 3: we're thinking about the journey and we're thinking about the
• 8:59
  Speaker 3: lead up and the anticipation, that completely turns our body
• 9:02
  Speaker 3: on from our mind all the way down into our bodies.
• 9:04
  Speaker 3: And I think that's a really powerful thing to remember
• 9:07
  Speaker 3: because you know, men can get turned on quite quickly,
• 9:09
  Speaker 3: but they're ready, they're on.
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: Women were just a little bit differently.
• 9:12
  Speaker 3: So if you can cater for that, you'll have a
• 9:15
  Speaker 3: very different experience in the ten way.
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: Another thing to slow down, and we presently had a
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: girlfriend who had some fun with a man that she
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: just met and he was fast in everything. I'm talking
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: with his fingers when they actually had sex, and it
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: just sounded awful and she literally bled, Yeah, It's like
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: fast is not always good, especially with your fingers. It
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: is delicate down there. Yeah, soft and slow, and if
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: you're trying to hit that G spot. It's just like
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: a very soft two fingers one finger, like coming motion,
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: I come here e motion.
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: You guys could see right now. It's not a finger.
• 9:46
  Speaker 3: Jab no, and it's not in and out really fad.
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: DJ that you have to like, you know what I mean,
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: just slid the fuck down. When she was telling me,
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: I was like, oh my goodness. And even when you're yes,
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: there's a time and place for hard and rough and
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: everyone's in different things. I guarantee you nine out of
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: ten times your woman would love to be loved upon.
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: You're taking care of her body and it's slow and
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: essential and you're taking your time and you're checking in
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: how things feel. She'll let you know if she wants
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: you to go faster, that's right, she will tell you,
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: and you will love it great. But to start off
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: slow and easy away in.
• 10:18
  Speaker 3: There and with that slowness, it's the anticipation in the
• 10:21
  Speaker 3: building exactly. I mean, at least just from personal experience,
• 10:25
  Speaker 3: it's like when you go slower, it's actually more intense.
• 10:28
  Speaker 3: It is, and because you're not trying to force her
• 10:31
  Speaker 3: to an orgasm, you're just trying to get her aroused
• 10:34
  Speaker 3: and get her to a place that feels really good
• 10:36
  Speaker 3: so that she can breathe into an orgasm eventually. Yeah,
• 10:40
  Speaker 3: but the slower that you go, the more sensual it is,
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: the more she's going to get not in her head
• 10:44
  Speaker 3: but in her body, and she's going to feel through
• 10:46
  Speaker 3: this experience and yeah, like what you said, Like she'll
• 10:49
  Speaker 3: be able to tell you if she wants faster, but
• 10:50
  Speaker 3: nine times out of ten she's going to be like.
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: This is perfect.
• 10:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah, Oh my gosh, this is so much more intense
• 10:55
  Speaker 3: because it is.
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: Slower, and even when at the peak of going really
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: there at the moment, but I love like edging getting
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: to the point of an orgasm and then they Steve
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: pauls back. It's like that once again, that anticipation, but
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: it draws it out. It's slower, and your orgasm is
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: ten times more impactful and powerful and incredible if you
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: can do that rather than just like jabbing it in
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: there and hoping for the best and then like trying
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: to force her or get her to come fast. It's
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: just not the same.
• 11:20
  Speaker 3: No, you're so right about the edging. It's definitely a
• 11:22
  Speaker 3: next level experience. And you know, if we learn anything
• 11:25
  Speaker 3: from smart books, Yes, is that women love to hear things.
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: Talk to your woman, Yeah, talk her through it, talk
• 11:34
  Speaker 3: to her about how she's feeling, ask her questions, tell
• 11:37
  Speaker 3: her that you appreciate her. Find ways and think about
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: who your woman is and like what she likes to
• 11:43
  Speaker 3: hear and what's important to her, and talk to her
• 11:45
  Speaker 3: based off that something that like, my partner has said
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: to me in the bedrooms that she's like, I appreciate you,
• 11:51
  Speaker 3: I'll keep you safe or take care of you, like
• 11:53
  Speaker 3: things like that, and things where I felt really unsafe
• 11:56
  Speaker 3: in the past. So to me to do that in
• 11:57
  Speaker 3: an area where I feel really intimate, where I've had
• 12:00
  Speaker 3: a lot of sexual shame in the past, for me
• 12:02
  Speaker 3: makes me totally soften.
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: Finding what your partner wants and likes and trialing a
• 12:07
  Speaker 3: couple of different sayings.
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: It's not like.
• 12:10
  Speaker 3: Dirty talk where you're like, you know, it's not hard
• 12:12
  Speaker 3: and rough and you know derogatory. It's actually soft and
• 12:15
  Speaker 3: gentle and really nurturing. And watch how she kind of
• 12:18
  Speaker 3: like opens up like a little flower.
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: Like a little flower. That's true, that's cute.
• 12:23
  Speaker 3: When she feels over stimulated, just hug her, Yeah, just
• 12:28
  Speaker 3: hug her sometimes. Talking through it or like going back
• 12:32
  Speaker 3: and forth. Like sometimes like she just needs a place
• 12:34
  Speaker 3: to crumble. When somebody is feeling over stimulated, they're not present,
• 12:37
  Speaker 3: they're not there in the moment.
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: They're in their head.
• 12:39
  Speaker 3: They're off with the fairies, thinking about the big to
• 12:41
  Speaker 3: do list, feeling over stimulated because there's three noises going
• 12:44
  Speaker 3: at once. Yeah, sometimes you just needs a safe place
• 12:47
  Speaker 3: to crumble where she doesn't have to be the strong
• 12:49
  Speaker 3: one for everyone else. And if you can be the
• 12:52
  Speaker 3: safe place where she can do that, you will always
• 12:55
  Speaker 3: be the person that she goes to when she needs
• 12:57
  Speaker 3: to crumble, which means she trusts you, yes, and that's
• 12:59
  Speaker 3: something honorable.
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: It really for a woman to feel.
• 13:02
  Speaker 3: Safe with the man that you are the person she
• 13:04
  Speaker 3: comes to when she has problem or she needs to
• 13:06
  Speaker 3: feel safe, and that's huge.
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: If you've got that trust there, that trust outside the
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: bedroom then leads into trust in the bedroom. Once again,
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: you'll see a different side of her. If she doesn't
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: feel safe to be herself outside the bedroom, you know,
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: way you're going to see that other side to her.
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: No way to get that dark feminine energy out, Like
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: she has to be fully safe Yeah, with you within
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: the relationship, within the energy, and that happens outside the bedroom.
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: It's like four play Hay, it all just starts outside
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: the bedroom. Yeah. Yeah.
• 13:31
  Speaker 3: And to add to that, women feel safe with a
• 13:34
  Speaker 3: man when they see that he is a man of
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: his word.
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 13:38
  Speaker 3: So if there's trust there and there's safety, and there's
• 13:42
  Speaker 3: evidence of you being somebody who shows up, does what
• 13:44
  Speaker 3: he says that he's going to do, leads her efficiently
• 13:47
  Speaker 3: without her needing to ask or to take over, Yeah,
• 13:50
  Speaker 3: you will get the softest version of her.
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and the horniest version. And just to add on
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: to that, when she does come to you with any
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: type of feedback, do not get defensive. It will shut
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: her down so freakin fast. Once again, it means she
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: doesn't feel safe to come you. You get defensive and
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: don't hear what she says and are there to prove
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: that you're right. You've lost her and good luck getting
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: herself in the bedroom, and you've lost he outside the
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: bedroom with that defensiveness is just such a relationship killer
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: and energy killer. It's just and I'm guilty of it too.
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: So with Steve, it's something we're actively working on at
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: the moment, is getting defensive, and it's a lot to
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: do without in a child wanting to be heard. But
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: it's just it's not nice. Take a breath, pause, Remember
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: you're on the same team. Just hear what she's saying.
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: Even if you've both got different experiences. It's remembering that
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: both of them can be true and just like wanting
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: to hold that space for each other. I love that
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: so much.
• 14:41
  Speaker 3: Oh, let us squash something for you when your partner,
• 14:44
  Speaker 3: when she's coming to you with something, it actually is
• 14:47
  Speaker 3: because she feels safe enough to bring it in and
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: she cares. She cares, she's wanting to refine and make
• 14:52
  Speaker 3: it better. Not point the finger and say that you're
• 14:55
  Speaker 3: not doing enough or that what you're already doing isn't
• 14:57
  Speaker 3: good enough. And I know sometimes might come off that way,
• 15:01
  Speaker 3: But just if you can keep in the forefront of
• 15:02
  Speaker 3: your mind that you're a partner and assume the best
• 15:05
  Speaker 3: of her and that she has good intentions by bringing
• 15:07
  Speaker 3: this in, that she wants to make it better, I
• 15:09
  Speaker 3: think it'll make having those hard conversations much easier because
• 15:13
  Speaker 3: imagine if you both assumed that, oh my gosh, every
• 15:15
  Speaker 3: time we bring something in it's to refine the relationship. Yeah,
• 15:18
  Speaker 3: we're here to make it better not to make it
• 15:20
  Speaker 3: worse or to shit on everything we've built so far.
• 15:22
  Speaker 3: It's not that if she's bringing it to you, it's
• 15:24
  Speaker 3: because she feels you know what, I feel really safe
• 15:26
  Speaker 3: with him right now. I'm going to communicate something that's
• 15:28
  Speaker 3: really scary for me. Be gentle with that.
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And because she cares. If she's not coming to
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: you and trying to make things better, you've lost her.
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: She's maybe in a phase of numbed out, she's given up. Yeah,
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: you've given it evidence that she can't come to you
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: and eventually like that relationship is going to die. Yeah. Yeah,
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: So if she's coming to you, know, that's because she
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: still cares about you and the relationship and she wants
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: to make it work. I love that once women get
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: to that point where they're numb or they don't feel
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: safe anymore, it's like they're already long gone. Yeah. Therek
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: kind of takes married women three years to get to
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: the point of divorce before they actually take action. Wow. Yeah,
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: whereas it doesn't take men that long. And then men,
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: if they're oblivious to it, or they just push into
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: the side or they're like, oh, she'll be right, and
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: then when the women actually leave, Like.
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: What the fuck? Where'd this come from?
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, said blindside, Hang on, I've been greeting and going
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: through this the last three years. If you listen to
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: anything I've said all the time, I came to with feedback.
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: This is why I've given up, because you don't listen.
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: This is proof you haven't listened.
• 16:20
  Speaker 3: I've done now because women emotionally grieve their relationship before
• 16:23
  Speaker 3: they leave.
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, one hundred percent. And I listen and then neglected. Yeah,
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: I've watched your girlf and go through this, and it's
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: awful to watch. They'res like, not ready to leave, but
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: they're also just so over begging for the bare minimum.
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: You know, so sad. It's so sad. So just try
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: to drop the defensiveness and just hear her.
• 16:41
  Speaker 3: Be over the top with your compliments. Yes, over the top.
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: Excited to see her.
• 16:46
  Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, more, look at that sexy dress.
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: He looks so beautiful. Wow with that makeup.
• 16:52
  Speaker 3: Wow, you're so beautiful, Like be over the top, Like,
• 16:55
  Speaker 3: do you know how nice it is to be to
• 16:58
  Speaker 3: be noticed, well said, well said, to be loved on,
• 17:02
  Speaker 3: to be appreciated, to be boldly and open loved.
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: So beautiful it goes a long way.
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: She might resist.
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: I know when Steve sometimes gives the compliments no makeup,
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: I'm like, hmmm, I don't believe you, but like appreciate it.
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: Still give it to her. She still needs to hear it. Yeah.
• 17:17
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and every day compliments every day, yes, go such
• 17:21
  Speaker 3: a long way. It does the little micro moments of
• 17:23
  Speaker 3: effort that build up over time. It's not one big
• 17:27
  Speaker 3: grand gesture, it's what you do consistently every day.
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: True. Yeah, I love that. Up. Next, don't expect to
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: do all of the housework. I know this might be
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: rouffle some feathers, especially if you're a man listening and
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: be like, well, I go to work all day. Like
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: she's just a home or she's home with the kids,
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: she's got the time to do it. Yeah, So being
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: a mum is a full time job and it's hard
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: to keep up with it all. I think it should
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: always be a team effort. And most couples I know
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: these days, moms aren't at home. They can't afford to
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: be at home anymore. Both parents are working really hard. Yeah,
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: so both parents need to parent, and both parents need
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: to help with the household chaws. Yeah, it's a team effort,
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: even if you've worked all day. Sorry, but get over it.
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: Come home and cook, Come home.
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: And clean, Come home and help her, run a bath
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: for her, Like, allow her to soften.
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, take care of her. You know you want her happy,
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: you wanted to be soft. You don't want her feeling
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: stress and on edge all the time. You got to
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: help take some of that load. Yeah, little things go
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: a long way, they really do.
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: And also as well, like I don't I don't mean
• 18:24
  Speaker 3: this offensively, but you're a grown man. Yes, if a woman,
• 18:28
  Speaker 3: let's say your partner has children, Like she's already got
• 18:30
  Speaker 3: kids to look after. Yeah, she doesn't never want a
• 18:33
  Speaker 3: grown child to look after. And I say that, I
• 18:36
  Speaker 3: say that with respect, like when I think about him,
• 18:38
  Speaker 3: like I would never want my partner to pick up
• 18:40
  Speaker 3: after me and like leave my under on the floor
• 18:42
  Speaker 3: for him to clean up just because he was at home.
• 18:44
  Speaker 3: It's like, No, just have that little bit of respect
• 18:46
  Speaker 3: where it's like when you put it like that, I
• 18:48
  Speaker 3: would never I would never leave my dirty nies on
• 18:50
  Speaker 3: the phone.
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: No, do you know what I mean?
• 18:52
  Speaker 3: Just take that little bit into consideration of like you
• 18:55
  Speaker 3: were still a self sufficient human being and your partner
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: is not your maid.
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: I was just going to say things they're not your maid.
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: That's the same thing like put your clothes.
• 19:03
  Speaker 3: In the basket, chuck them into the washing machine instead
• 19:06
  Speaker 3: of on the floor or whatever. But you dish away
• 19:09
  Speaker 3: like it's not hard. And I think that's where things
• 19:11
  Speaker 3: start to break down from what I've seen and experienced,
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: friends and also you know, family and stuff like that
• 19:16
  Speaker 3: go through where it's this expectation to then now show
• 19:19
  Speaker 3: up in that way because they did it once or
• 19:20
  Speaker 3: two times where they were like, I really want to
• 19:22
  Speaker 3: do this to you, and then it became an expectation.
• 19:24
  Speaker 3: It doesn't feel nice. And when that expectation is put on,
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: it's like then you start to build resentment. And it's like,
• 19:30
  Speaker 3: what can you do in the relationship dynamic to support
• 19:33
  Speaker 3: each other growing and becoming better, not ending up like
• 19:36
  Speaker 3: butting heads exactly.
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: And if you've got kids too, and you feel like
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: you're both working, you're both doing all. Like a conversation
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: Steve and I had after we had Taralor's like because
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: where you didn't communicate very well when we had Taj
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: both stretched and didn't know how to communicate very well
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: when it caused a lot of conflict. It was hard.
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: The second time we're around, are like, Okay, what are
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: your strengths, what are your weaknesses? What do you enjoy
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: doing in the household? So good to you say I
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: can hate doing like for me for example, like I
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: actually love cleaning the kitchen. I love tidying, hate mopping,
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: hate mopping. Steve doesn't mind. Yeah, we've got our chores
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: that we like. Or you know, we will alternate nights.
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: It's like who's going to bath the kids tonight? Who's
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: going to cook? I don't feel like cooking tonight. I'll
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: go Batham. Love that. It's like, okay, you're doing one thing,
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: I'm doing the other. And then we'll come back together.
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: It's just like communicating what we're enjoying, what we don't
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: want to do. And it's worked really, really well. We
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: both feel like we're contributing. Yeah, both don't have to
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: do shit that we hate doing. And then get a
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: deep clean from a clean once a month. It's very nice.
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: It's very very nice, very nice.
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: I don't want to deep clean the toilet.
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: I hate doing the dish forher. You do.
• 20:32
  Speaker 3: I hate I don't know what I would rather wash
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: up all my dishes and use a dish.
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 20:36
  Speaker 3: We has this conversation a little while ago, I think
• 20:38
  Speaker 3: because I just like hate unpacking it. But I'm up
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: the floor do the washing. I hate folding.
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: Foldings annoying, isn't it? Yeah, yes, I hate folding too.
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: But yeah, if you listening to this and you're a man,
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: just like, doesn't have to be splipped evenly, but just
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: check in if there's something she fucking hates doing or
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: me like taking the trashy out, I hate it. Yeah,
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: it's not a hard job, it just feels I don't know,
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: I just don't like it with Steve loves doing that. Yeah,
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: so that's just like it's never even a conversation. He
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: automatically just does that whenever it needs to do. I
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: never have to ask, and if it's never so unspoken
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: that I just don't do that. Yeah, you know. Yeah,
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: just communicate with her and checking with what she hates doing,
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: because you're taking that one or two thing off her
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: will completely soften her and then you get this different
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: energy from her because she's not stressing about having to
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: do the thing that she doesn't want to do.
• 21:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah, get like it uses beautiful energy from.
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: Her, would you want Yeah, or you wanted for the
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: family and for the household and for the energy, but
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: for her because you care about her.
• 21:29
  Speaker 3: Absolutely, and also you want to enjoy your relationship. Yes,
• 21:31
  Speaker 3: you don't want it to become this thing that feels
• 21:33
  Speaker 3: so monotonous that there's no love and deeper connection every
• 21:37
  Speaker 3: time you connect with each.
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: Other on the polari, just still be there.
• 21:40
  Speaker 3: Absolutely, buy all the flowers, get her favorite chocolate and
• 21:45
  Speaker 3: have it on her nightstand next to her.
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: Bed, especially in a period.
• 21:47
  Speaker 3: Yes, if she's got her period, get her favorite meal
• 21:50
  Speaker 3: takeout and have a little date night and watch a
• 21:52
  Speaker 3: movie together.
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah. It's honestly doesn't have to be big.
• 21:54
  Speaker 3: Again, like what I mentioned before, it doesn't have to
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: be grand gestures, like, it doesn't have to be like that.
• 21:59
  Speaker 3: What can you do and integrate into your everyday life
• 22:02
  Speaker 3: with her. That's like when you're coming home from work,
• 22:04
  Speaker 3: you just pick something up from shop.
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: Get a sticky notes, stick it on the steering wheel,
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: Love you babe, have a great day.
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: Love no, I love No.
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just like the little simple things. See doesn't
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: my note part at work sometimes just be a little
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: note and I do it for him too, and it's
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: just so small it takes little efforts.
• 22:18
  Speaker 3: Or if you leave for work before her and she's
• 22:20
  Speaker 3: staying in bed in the bathroom mirror, stick I love you. Yes,
• 22:23
  Speaker 3: I stick one on her drink, her favorite drink in
• 22:25
  Speaker 3: the fridge, like you knows, get creative with it. You
• 22:28
  Speaker 3: can play with it and it gets to be fun.
• 22:30
  Speaker 3: And honestly, it is the little things that really do count.
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I love that little surprises. We always want to
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: be surprised, tell you what. Nearly eighteen years later and
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: I still love a good surprise. Yeah, it doesn't have
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: a fade.
• 22:41
  Speaker 3: And if she tells you she doesn't want to snack
• 22:42
  Speaker 3: from the store, get her one anywhere. She's lying she
• 22:46
  Speaker 3: wants a snack because she's me mad if you don't
• 22:47
  Speaker 3: show up with a snack.
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: Oh okay. The next one is date, nights, plan, yes, sleep,
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: stop waiting for her to do it, or yes, she's
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: more than capable and she can do it well. But
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: like she doesn't want to tell her what to wear,
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: what time you guys are going and to be ready
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: at this time and you've organized and got it. We
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: are very capable where a lot of us are CEOs
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: and running businesses and doing great things. But when we're
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: with you, we want to turn into a baby. We
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: want to switch our brains off and be like, I
• 23:19
  Speaker 2: don't know, I forgot my purse, Like we don't want
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: to think about anything, because we just want to soften
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: into you and share with you and connect with you
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: and love on you and nurture you and do all
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: the things with you. But if we're in our head
• 23:30
  Speaker 2: thinking about all the logistics stuff, you're not going to
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: get that soft version of us.
• 23:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so lead and good at this, and that you're
• 23:37
  Speaker 3: good at this very great. It's your skill set, It's
• 23:39
  Speaker 3: very true. Leverage your business mindset into your date night
• 23:44
  Speaker 3: and don't forget any of the details. Because if you
• 23:46
  Speaker 3: book the restaurant, but she doesn't know what time to
• 23:49
  Speaker 3: be ready, what kind of a tire it is, and
• 23:51
  Speaker 3: what kind of cuisine to expect, she's going to ask
• 23:53
  Speaker 3: those questions.
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: She's in a masculine energy.
• 23:56
  Speaker 3: Exactly, take away all of the thought from her process
• 23:59
  Speaker 3: and just organize it at the end of your workday.
• 24:01
  Speaker 3: It's yeah, for the end of the week and Friday,
• 24:03
  Speaker 3: but like it's hard, No, you will be fine and
• 24:05
  Speaker 3: it will be the best thing ever and you will
• 24:06
  Speaker 3: thank us later.
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: And you can do it consistently, not just once a dfa
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: Valentine's Day.
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: Lock it in.
• 24:11
  Speaker 3: Lock it in if you can do every couple of weeks, yes,
• 24:13
  Speaker 3: have it every second week or once a month. Like,
• 24:16
  Speaker 3: have something that's like on a consistent cadence, just like
• 24:19
  Speaker 3: you would with a business meeting. You would schedule in
• 24:22
  Speaker 3: a business meeting to check in on your staff or
• 24:24
  Speaker 3: to make sure that you get your tasks done. You
• 24:26
  Speaker 3: have to put that in your calendar. Otherwise it's not
• 24:27
  Speaker 3: getting done. Yeah, So if it's not getting done the
• 24:29
  Speaker 3: date night, it's also not getting done. And then it's
• 24:31
  Speaker 3: something that can easily drag on before you know, you
• 24:33
  Speaker 3: haven't had a date night in eight months truly, which
• 24:35
  Speaker 3: is something I experienced for my last relationship.
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: And it's not nice.
• 24:38
  Speaker 3: No, I felt like I had to beg for a
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: date night.
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that is just not it. No, right, And if
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: you got kids, like organize the babies that are too,
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: don't rely on her to do that either. Yeah, just
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: take control of all of it. And even if you
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: can't get out on a date night, like light a candle,
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: plan and cook the meal, run a bath, have a
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: board game ready to go, like get creative, put the
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: matches out in the lound room. There's so many cute
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: little things. Put fairy lights up like the backyard, lay
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: on the trampoline, like, do something that's just a little
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: bit outside the box that makes it feel Oh what
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: about this. It's put time and effort into any wants
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: to make me feel special. Like the thought process just
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: goes such a long way. It does.
• 25:12
  Speaker 3: Yeah, if you can play music and light candles often
• 25:16
  Speaker 3: this is everything. Honestly for women. I feel like a
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: lot of women are still operating in fightle flight.
• 25:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, which is probably why a lot.
• 25:23
  Speaker 3: Of men experience women who aren't fully in their softened
• 25:26
  Speaker 3: vegie and the energy, because they have so many reasons
• 25:29
  Speaker 3: to why they keep going back into file flight or
• 25:32
  Speaker 3: why they keep stepping into their masculine energy, and they
• 25:34
  Speaker 3: feel like they have to live in that place. But
• 25:36
  Speaker 3: when you play music and you light candles and dim
• 25:39
  Speaker 3: the lights, turn those stupid ass down lights off. Put
• 25:42
  Speaker 3: some beautiful mood lighting. Get a lamp, like, get some
• 25:45
  Speaker 3: led strips whatever, or just a candle. It's so fine
• 25:49
  Speaker 3: and all the difference it does. It will help soften
• 25:51
  Speaker 3: her nervous system in ways that you can't experience. And
• 25:54
  Speaker 3: also another suggestion, shower in the dark.
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah together. I haven't yet done it. It's so good.
• 25:59
  Speaker 3: I've been doing it with my partner and it's like
• 26:01
  Speaker 3: the most connecting, beautiful thing. And also when you've had
• 26:03
  Speaker 3: a really big day and you can just close your
• 26:05
  Speaker 3: eyes it's already dark and like the water is falling
• 26:08
  Speaker 3: on your body, you just soften into the moment.
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: It's really beautiful. Yeah, that's so nice. I need to
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: try that. I love candles. Love that you mentioned that music.
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: If I come home from like say tomorrow, when we
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: come home from the podcast and see he sort of
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: cooking dinner, here's music playing. It just makes me walk
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: in and be like, ah, I'm home. It just sets
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: this like nice environment. And even in the bedroom she
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: puts it in our spicy playlist, I'm like, oh, I'm
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: already high.
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: I'm ready.
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: Like the music just helps you drop in and not
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: think about the day or think about the kids. It's
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: just it's huge me.
• 26:39
  Speaker 3: I love that you've mentioned that pulls you into the present.
• 26:43
  Speaker 3: It honestly builds the experience. It's another one of those
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: cues that like, oh, Okay, this is adding to the moment. Yeah,
• 26:48
  Speaker 3: there's music on, there's a candle, the lights are dim.
• 26:51
  Speaker 3: It's essential, it's beautiful.
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: I put evidence, make a playlist if you want to
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: go that step further by all means she will love that.
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: She will love that up.
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: Okay, this next one is definitely more around mums, but
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: even I'm sure I'll let you speak on behalf of
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: non parents. It's like, don't ask her what do you
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: need me to do? We mustle do it ourselves. If
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: you can't think ahead, say, for example, if you're going
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: out with the kids, it's like, oh, what do you
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: need me to get? It's like, use your brain. We
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: need drink bottles, if you need nappies, snacks, change your clothes.
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: Like just really think about it. If your wife wasn't there,
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: or your partner wasn't there, and you were going out
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: with the kids, what would you pack? If we have
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: to constantly coach and guide and leave lists, it's like
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: we mustle just do it ourselves. And then we do
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: it ourselves, and the resentment builds, like, don't fall into
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: that trap. Just try to think ahead. Do you get
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: really stuck? Of course, sometimes he's like I think I've
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: got everything. Can you chake this bag?
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: I'm like, well done, but you've got a drink bottle.
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: I'll go it now. But just like that effort that
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: you've gone to to try and take some of the
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: load off her, So we're already carrying like do we
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: book the dentist, do we pay the school fees? Camps?
• 27:54
  Speaker 2: Coming out, fucking school play and this and that, Like
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: there's so much we have to carry already. We don't
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: want to have to tell you what to do either,
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: like just step in and help. So I don't know
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: how that relates to non parents, but if you want
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: to speak on that.
• 28:06
  Speaker 3: We had this conversation the other day about when we're
• 28:08
  Speaker 3: feeling over stimulated in general, and your partner's like, okay,
• 28:11
  Speaker 3: what can I do to help?
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: Regardless of whether you have kids or not.
• 28:14
  Speaker 3: It's like, in that moment when I'm feeling overstimulated, I
• 28:16
  Speaker 3: don't even know what I need.
• 28:17
  Speaker 2: Yes, I don't know what I need.
• 28:19
  Speaker 3: I don't know what I want because right now I
• 28:20
  Speaker 3: want to push everyone away because I'm feeling overstimulated and
• 28:23
  Speaker 3: I need to be selling me.
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: Everything's annoying, including you.
• 28:26
  Speaker 3: So it's like go into that problem solving mindset of
• 28:29
  Speaker 3: yours and like start to implement things, try new things out,
• 28:32
  Speaker 3: like what I mentioned before.
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: Just give her a big hug. Light the candle. Some
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: light the candle.
• 28:36
  Speaker 3: Something my partner does is he gets me to take
• 28:39
  Speaker 3: breaths with him. It's like, all right, we're going to
• 28:40
  Speaker 3: breathe together, give me a hug. Ten seconds, we're going
• 28:43
  Speaker 3: to do ten deep breaths together. Okay, let's go, and
• 28:45
  Speaker 3: then we do it together. And then after that, I'm
• 28:47
  Speaker 3: like happy as Larry or I've run a bath.
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: If you I'm going to go cook dinner, let me
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: know if you're need new THEATA for It's like it's
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: another step that you've taken action.
• 28:53
  Speaker 3: Or like me, a couple of weeks ago, it was
• 28:55
  Speaker 3: like I was feeling really overstimulated because I had a
• 28:57
  Speaker 3: few things to do and I was late and I
• 28:59
  Speaker 3: had to steal clean up from dinner. And he was like,
• 29:00
  Speaker 3: all right, no, no, go in there, go pack your bag.
• 29:02
  Speaker 3: I'm going to do this and finish this off. Amazing.
• 29:04
  Speaker 3: Ye stood up and he was like, Okay, in this moment,
• 29:06
  Speaker 3: I'm trying to take this off your plate. Perfect take
• 29:09
  Speaker 3: things off her plate. When she feels overstimulated. So if
• 29:12
  Speaker 3: you know that there's something coming up, she's got to
• 29:14
  Speaker 3: do something, she's got three lined up tasks she needs
• 29:17
  Speaker 3: to do, pick one and just do them.
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: That's beautifully said. Yeah, yeah, And we're saying all of
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: this would love so much, like this is to help you,
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: and I just think coming from other women, because sometimes
• 29:25
  Speaker 2: when you're I'm assuming when your wife is like, oh,
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: do this or do that might sound naggy, or you
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: might be hearing of the tenth time, but hearing it
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: from other women, we're hoping it can help dissolve anything
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: that you feel like your wife's attacking you or they're
• 29:36
  Speaker 2: asking you too much. We're all the same. Yes, I
• 29:39
  Speaker 2: can almost guarantee every single woman listening to this is like,
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: oh my gosh, thank you. We're trying to explain this
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: to my husband and my partner and I just so
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: badly want him to do that. We all want all
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: of these things absolutely all the fucking time.
• 29:50
  Speaker 3: So flat with her all day, every day, in text
• 29:53
  Speaker 3: message in the morning of the day. No, seriously, they're
• 29:56
  Speaker 3: flirting as another one. Yeah, like keep the spark alive,
• 30:00
  Speaker 3: get interesting, treat her like you're dating for the first
• 30:02
  Speaker 3: time again when you're all spicy in your being, like,
• 30:05
  Speaker 3: oh my god, I'm thinking about you at work. Oh,
• 30:07
  Speaker 3: oh my gosh, like that outfit that you all the
• 30:08
  Speaker 3: other night was amazing, or yeah, you know, and just.
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: Like be flirty with each other.
• 30:13
  Speaker 3: That playfulness energy will activate that in her. And if
• 30:17
  Speaker 3: you lead with that, she will follow. Because what do
• 30:19
  Speaker 3: women do when men lead?
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: They follow? Yes, they follow? So true.
• 30:23
  Speaker 3: So if you do feel triggered by anything that we've shared,
• 30:25
  Speaker 3: let us know. We can also do an episode on
• 30:27
  Speaker 3: the opposites like women and what you can do to
• 30:30
  Speaker 3: keep your men, or do we bring.
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: Some men in, different men bring ken in? Oh my gosh,
• 30:36
  Speaker 2: to produce that that could be sure would be happy
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: to come in. Should we round them up? Oh my gosh,
• 30:41
  Speaker 2: I'll be.
• 30:41
  Speaker 3: Cool from a men's perspective, Yeah, that would be beautiful.
• 30:44
  Speaker 3: Another one on to talk about is learning her cycle. Yeah,
• 30:46
  Speaker 3: this is so important. There's four phases of our cycle.
• 30:49
  Speaker 3: If you have not learned them, learn them because you
• 30:51
  Speaker 3: may notice over the month that she is. Her energy's different,
• 30:55
  Speaker 3: her moods are different. Sometimes she's high on life, who
• 30:57
  Speaker 3: everything's amazing, She's super horny, adventurous, go get an energy
• 31:00
  Speaker 3: and then the next week she feels like absolute shit
• 31:02
  Speaker 3: and she's crying over spilt milk. Yeah, that's part of
• 31:04
  Speaker 3: our cycle.
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: If you can learn about what energy comes from each
• 31:08
  Speaker 2: part of the cycle and support her in that, that
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: will be a game change for your relationship. God, won't it.
• 31:13
  Speaker 2: She won't feel pressured. She'd be like, oh my gosh,
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: she just gets me. He just understands me. He's the
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: greatest like you, You just know what she needs. That's
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: just like huge green flag.
• 31:22
  Speaker 3: And also it's not going to be as destabilizing for
• 31:25
  Speaker 3: you because men are quite consistent hormonally, so like you,
• 31:28
  Speaker 3: guys have the same day every single day, Yeah, same
• 31:30
  Speaker 3: level of energy, whereas women only have we have two
• 31:33
  Speaker 3: really good weeks and then two of the weeks where
• 31:35
  Speaker 3: our hormones are changing.
• 31:36
  Speaker 2: Can be a little bit of average. Yeah.
• 31:38
  Speaker 3: And so if she is like snapping or a little
• 31:40
  Speaker 3: bit more emotional and she's crying a little bit more,
• 31:42
  Speaker 3: it's like you won't be blindsided by that because you'd
• 31:44
  Speaker 3: be like, oh, wow, I know this makes sense for
• 31:46
  Speaker 3: where her hormones are at, and you won't take it personally.
• 31:48
  Speaker 3: If she does shift in her energy, you'll actually be
• 31:51
  Speaker 3: compassionate to what her blade is going through. And like
• 31:52
  Speaker 3: back in the caveman days, women would hide away for
• 31:54
  Speaker 3: four days and they'd be taken care of their village
• 31:57
  Speaker 3: to take care of them. They get to lay in
• 31:58
  Speaker 3: the dark and lay horizontal and just relax because they're bleeding.
• 32:01
  Speaker 3: They're going through a lot, like we're literally shedding. It's
• 32:03
  Speaker 3: a lot for our bodies.
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: So have a bit of compassion, understand it, and it will. Yeah,
• 32:07
  Speaker 2: it'll change your relationship. Treat us like a little baby girl.
• 32:12
  Speaker 3: Honestly, are you a baby girl? I want to be
• 32:14
  Speaker 3: babied on my period? Yes, So it does your woman definitely.
• 32:18
  Speaker 3: Thank you so much for joining us, ladies and gentlemen.
• 32:21
  Speaker 3: I hope you enjoyed this.
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: And if you would like us to do one of
• 32:24
  Speaker 2: the opposite and bring some men in, that could be
• 32:26
  Speaker 2: freaking cool to actually get men to do the whole episode,
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: like we're not even in here. That'd be cool.
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: Wouldn't be so cool?
• 32:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: I would love that.
• 32:32
  Speaker 2: Who will do that? Let us do that that.
• 32:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah, we get them in and we can have a
• 32:36
  Speaker 3: little input and be like oh wow, yeah really.
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: Or we just walk out and be like take it away. Boys.
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: I'll be like, welcome to you. He rises, He rises
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: a Ken and Steve.
• 32:44
  Speaker 2: That'd be so fun. All right, we're gonna go ask them.
• 32:46
  Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, i'd love that.
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: Thanks for joining us, guys.
• 32:49
  Speaker 2: We'll see you on Wednesday. We'll season bye.