Latest / Adventures in Adversity: an inspirational podcast / Ep. 7: Why I love therapy (P.S. adversity hates it!)

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Ep. 7: Why I love therapy (P.S. adversity hates it!) · Adventures in Adversity: an inspirational podcast

• 0:00
  Well, this is about why I love therapy, OK?
• 0:05
  And basically why therapy has been a hugely transformative
• 0:10
  tool for me when it comes to tackling all kinds of adversity.
• 0:17
  Adversity within myself, like my own limitations overcoming those
• 0:22
  adversity as a parent, adversity within a family.
• 0:27
  Adversity at work, adversity anywhere, right, And with
• 0:32
  health, with physical health, mental health.
• 0:35
  Therapy is basically I was thinking about it.
• 0:40
  Therapy is basically a way for you to say, hey, for an hour a
• 0:45
  week or for an hour every two weeks.
• 0:47
  I am going to create a space where I talk to a trained
• 0:52
  professional about what I'm going through, how I'm feeling.
• 0:58
  And it's so awesome because they've literally gone to school
• 1:00
  for this, studied the human brain.
• 1:04
  They are also humans, so they too know how it works and how
• 1:08
  hard it can be. But it's amazing no matter what
• 1:13
  family you have or good friends you have, because I have a great
• 1:15
  family and great friends. But there's something about
• 1:18
  therapy that I would say in the last year has been hugely
• 1:22
  transformative for me. So I just wanted to keep it
• 1:25
  real. And it was funny when I posted
• 1:27
  the first story for this yesterday saying, hey, episode
• 1:30
  #7 coming up tomorrow, I actually had was at therapy.
• 1:36
  I go every two weeks and I was waiting to start and I just
• 1:43
  looked at her chair and it, it's such a cute little chair and it
• 1:46
  was raining and it's in this cute little corner of her house
• 1:49
  and there's like roses outside. So I feel like I'm going to have
• 1:51
  tea and talk about life every time I go.
• 1:55
  I saw the pillow and I was like, this is really like a moment.
• 1:59
  So it's just a picture of the chair and the pillow says
• 2:01
  inhale, exhale. And I just without thinking I
• 2:05
  was like, I'm going to record an episode about therapy and why I
• 2:08
  think it's freaking awesome. And then I posted it and I was
• 2:13
  like, wow, everybody who follows me is going to know that I go to
• 2:18
  therapy. And I was like, oh, I'm feeling
• 2:21
  vulnerable. But that's OK, because guess
• 2:23
  what? Therapy's freaking awesome.
• 2:26
  You don't even have to be going through a life crisis to benefit
• 2:29
  from therapy, although that also is very effective.
• 2:33
  I speak from personal experience.
• 2:35
  It can pull you out of the dark cave of whatever's going on in
• 2:39
  your life and whatever's going on in your head and really help
• 2:45
  you. And that can also just help you
• 2:49
  improve when you're doing great. So it's interesting, a year ago
• 2:56
  if you would have said you're going to be hosting a podcast
• 2:59
  and talking about therapy and how you're going and how it
• 3:02
  helps you go through adversity. I'd be like negative because I
• 3:07
  was in the shitter mentally. But it's funny how therapy,
• 3:15
  exercise, listening to podcasts and then being around good
• 3:19
  people, therapy is just a huge ingredient in that whole pie of
• 3:24
  those things that literally kind of just have transformed me over
• 3:28
  the last year. But this episode is about why
• 3:31
  therapy is awesome, particularly why it is awesome for overcoming
• 3:37
  adversity. Let's dig into it.
• 3:41
  So I'm kind of, I'm not really sure how long this episode's
• 3:46
  going to be, but I know the structure of it.
• 3:48
  So first I wanted to, I kind of already started to do that, just
• 3:52
  talk about my experience with it and why I think it's awesome.
• 3:55
  And then I'm going to share some really interesting kind of
• 3:59
  quotes and facts about therapy, just to throw a little data
• 4:05
  science research, throw some smart people stuff behind it
• 4:10
  instead of just my own experience as a human.
• 4:15
  Well, I will say off the cuff here, therapy has been huge for
• 4:23
  me to to just really look at myself, every aspect of myself,
• 4:32
  the parts I like, the parts I don't like and just really
• 4:35
  constantly be like holding a space for myself to talk about
• 4:40
  them with a trained professional who is non judgmental, excuse
• 4:45
  me, and who just actually makes you feel really normal for the
• 4:51
  things that you talk about, you know?
• 4:53
  So sometimes I go in there and talk about work, sometimes I go
• 4:56
  in there and I talk about body image.
• 4:58
  Sometimes I go in there and I talk about, you know, my
• 5:01
  tendency in the past to people please, right.
• 5:04
  Just always trying to like I've talked on previous episodes,
• 5:07
  getting people to like me, which now through my transformation,
• 5:11
  I'm like, what the hell were you doing but little therapy And
• 5:14
  here I am anyway, therapy's amazing.
• 5:21
  I am fortunate to work for a company, ServiceNow, where we
• 5:25
  have Lira Health and you literally get 25 free sessions.
• 5:29
  It's amazing. And and I'm just so grateful to
• 5:32
  work for a company that provides that and I'm just grateful that
• 5:35
  people are having the conversation that therapy is not
• 5:38
  weird. Therapy does not mean you're
• 5:41
  damaged. We're all damaged.
• 5:43
  Whatever. Therapy means that you want to
• 5:48
  be self aware and want to work on yourself with a trained
• 5:51
  professional so that you can be happier with yourself and a
• 5:55
  better energy for those around you.
• 5:58
  Sounds pretty freaking awesome to me.
• 6:00
  So that's why I do it every two weeks and I graduated to, you
• 6:04
  know, just going every two weeks because I'm like you know what?
• 6:06
  I'm feeling awesome, but I would like to keep working on myself.
• 6:14
  I would just love to always be in therapy and like being like,
• 6:17
  hey, what's on your mind? What comes out?
• 6:18
  What are you working on? Like, last week I talked to her
• 6:21
  just about celebrating some wins that I had recently about just
• 6:25
  kind of like asserting myself and saying, hey, I need more
• 6:28
  time on this or whatever it is. You know, years ago I would just
• 6:33
  bend over backwards to the point of like being exhausted.
• 6:36
  And now I'm learning through therapy, kind of tools and
• 6:40
  little homework assignments that she gives me and like how to
• 6:45
  improve myself in every area, work, parenting, as a partner,
• 6:49
  as a friend, as a daughter, as an aunt.
• 6:54
  It's clearly working because I finally grew some balls and
• 6:57
  launched this podcast after thinking about it forever and
• 7:00
  being frozen in fear, therapy unlocked my podcasting.
• 7:06
  For better or for worse, Thank you, therapy.
• 7:09
  So, yeah, you know, I just, I'm a huge fan of it.
• 7:14
  I think it's so healthy. I think I really admire people
• 7:18
  who talked about it before anybody talked about it.
• 7:21
  Like Kevin Love and the Kevin Love Foundation wrote a whole
• 7:25
  big thing about our whole big. I think it was a letter.
• 7:28
  Gosh, I should have researched this before, but I'm just kind
• 7:31
  of talking off the cuff right now.
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  He basically wrote an open letter and published it about
• 7:36
  how he had a panic attack in the locker room and how it just he
• 7:43
  needed to see a therapist and, like, figure it out.
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  And now he's doing great. And he started the Kevin Love
• 7:47
  Foundation to just kind of normalize the conversation,
• 7:51
  especially for men. But it's OK to go to therapy
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  doesn't mean you're weak. It means that you have a growth
• 7:57
  mindset and want to work on yourself.
• 7:59
  It's actually kind of badass. self-awareness is amazing.
• 8:04
  And then there's another podcast I listen to called Therapy
• 8:07
  Thoughts. Tiffany Rowe where she has like
• 8:10
  a shirt that says therapy is cool.
• 8:12
  So I got to buy one of those because it is.
• 8:15
  It is very cool to work on yourself and it's cool to laugh,
• 8:19
  cry, do whatever you need to do because you come out of there
• 8:22
  and you're like, OK, that's what's going on today.
• 8:26
  So let's work on that. I always admire people who are
• 8:30
  willing to work on themselves because it's not easy to kind of
• 8:33
  like, check your ego at the door and be like, yeah, I'm really
• 8:37
  reactive or yeah, oh, I'm defensive.
• 8:41
  Shit, OK, let's work on that. But hey, self-awareness is half
• 8:46
  the battle. So anyway, if you work
• 8:50
  somewhere, check into the benefits, because a lot of
• 8:53
  companies these days are really, really prioritizing, you know,
• 8:57
  well-being and mental health. There's been a ton of cultural
• 9:02
  shifts around it, right? Like, workplace support is huge.
• 9:06
  So many workplaces recognize the importance of mental health
• 9:10
  well-being. So you've got like, you know,
• 9:12
  employee assistance programs, You've got therapy as part of
• 9:16
  that offering. So look into that.
• 9:18
  I didn't even know that we had this until I kind of dug around.
• 9:21
  So these days it's everywhere, especially if you, you know, are
• 9:27
  working for an employer that really is investing in it.
• 9:32
  So yeah, I think at this point that was an awkward transition.
• 9:37
  But that's OK. I'm awkward.
• 9:39
  I'm just going to read some more interesting things.
• 9:43
  Instead of talking about my therapy experience, I'm going to
• 9:47
  read some quotes and stats about therapy and why it's amazing.
• 9:52
  This is by Mary Pifer in Letters to a Young Therapist.
• 9:58
  Therapy isn't radio. We don't need to constantly fill
• 10:02
  the air with sounds. Sometimes when it's quiet,
• 10:06
  surprising things happen. I can definitely relate to that.
• 10:12
  It's funny, the last two times I've gone, we've just been
• 10:16
  chatting. It's been raining.
• 10:17
  She even made me a cup of tea. It was just amazing.
• 10:20
  And there were some silences and where I was like having
• 10:25
  realizations, where I'm like, oh, I'm still doing that.
• 10:28
  Or, you know, I'm still, you know, looking for validation.
• 10:33
  You know, we're just talking about a certain situation.
• 10:35
  I'm like, why do I need that validation?
• 10:36
  You know, I thought I was past that, but I I realized that in
• 10:40
  the silence. So I'm someone that, as I've
• 10:44
  been told, likes to fill the air.
• 10:46
  So I'm working on kind of learning from those quiet
• 10:49
  moments. Next one about therapy.
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  This is funny. Johnny Carson, in Hollywood if
• 11:00
  you don't have a shrink, people think you're crazy.
• 11:03
  That's funny. But we're not in Hollywood.
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  So any who some quotes about therapy some interesting
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  studies. So the effectiveness of online
• 11:17
  therapy cause a lot of us obviously working from home,
• 11:19
  we're busy, got kids, don't got kids, whatever.
• 11:22
  Whatever your life situation is you're busy.
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  So research indicates that online therapy, also known as
• 11:29
  teletherapy or telehealth, can be as effective as in person
• 11:34
  therapy for many individuals. A study published in the Journal
• 11:38
  of Psychological Disorders found that online cognitive behavioral
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  therapy or CBT, was equally effective in treating depression
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  as face to face CBT. So bingo, If you are hesitant to
• 11:55
  start therapy, it's like, I don't want to drive or I don't
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  want to sit across from someone online therapy.
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  Do it. It's amazing.
• 12:04
  Just at least give it a chance. I'm sure there's something that
• 12:07
  you're wanting to talk about. It is growing in popularity.
• 12:13
  According to a survey by the American Psychological
• 12:16
  Association, the percentage of Americans who reported seeking
• 12:20
  mental health treatment has been steadily increasing over the
• 12:23
  past decade. No shock that in 2020 37% of
• 12:28
  adults said they had received therapy or counseling from
• 12:31
  mental health professional compared to 27% in 2009.
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  So that's not obviously taking into account that's a little bit
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  of an older stat. But, you know, the pandemic
• 12:44
  certainly escalated that. But I'm just glad to see that
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  more people are open to it, because being human is weird and
• 12:51
  sometimes you just need someone to advise you on how your
• 12:54
  brain's working. So yeah, as far as gender
• 13:02
  research suggests that women are more likely than men to seek
• 13:05
  therapy, not too surprising there.
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  A study published in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology.
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  I actually took that class in college.
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  It's kind of interesting found that women are nearly twice as
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  likely as men to have received mental health treatment in their
• 13:19
  lifetime. Well, with approximately 29% of
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  women and 17% of men reporting therapy or counseling.
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  So kind of interesting the guys are need to get to therapy, you
• 13:32
  don't have to tough it out. Just kidding.
• 13:36
  No, I'm not kidding. But yeah, you know, I think more
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  and more celebrities opening up, that's obviously huge.
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  If you're high profile and you have that platform kind of
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  opening up about your own struggles and experiences in
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  therapy, you know, just having like well known figures
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  normalize that. It encourages other people to do
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  the same. So I think it's amazing, along
• 13:58
  with workplace support like we talked about.
• 14:02
  But I'm all over the place because I've got all these
• 14:05
  really cool stats that I don't know which ones to pick because
• 14:08
  there's just so many good ones. But if you know me, this is just
• 14:13
  how I am. I'm all over the place.
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  I got some good ones. Courage doesn't happen when you
• 14:20
  have all the answers. This relates to therapy.
• 14:23
  It happens when you're ready to face the questions you've been
• 14:26
  avoiding your whole life. So I think it's like one for me,
• 14:30
  you know, just going to therapy. Now that I'm in my 40s, I'm a
• 14:32
  little more, like open to removing my ego and being a
• 14:37
  little more self aware than I was.
• 14:40
  I mean, every day, right? I had a question like why did I
• 14:46
  use people? Please so much?
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  What was that about? And I've realized that it's
• 14:52
  honestly about like an insecurity, right and sort of a
• 14:57
  seeking validation outside myself, which is always
• 15:01
  unpredictable. So in the last year, I have
• 15:05
  finally learned to validate myself.
• 15:07
  But if I wasn't ready to kind of ask that question in therapy and
• 15:11
  like dig into it with a therapist who's been trained and
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  like literally went to school for this and wrote papers and
• 15:18
  about the human brain. And I wouldn't have known that
• 15:23
  if I wasn't ready to face those questions of like, why am I like
• 15:26
  that? And then you just talk and you
• 15:28
  figure it out with a with a professional, it's super cool.
• 15:35
  So this is Carl Rogers. In my early professional years,
• 15:38
  I was asking the question, how can I treat or cure or change
• 15:42
  this person? Now I would phrase the question
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  this way. How can I provide a relationship
• 15:48
  which this person may use for his own personal growth?
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  Freaking love that. My therapist is amazing.
• 15:57
  She lives right here over in San Ramon.
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  It's like a 10 minute drive. I go to the Starbucks, get my
• 16:02
  work done, take a little lunch break, pop over, have a cup of
• 16:05
  tea. Like I said, it's been raining,
• 16:08
  so she, like, brings me tea and we talk and I can see the
• 16:10
  flowers outside her window. It's kind of amazing.
• 16:15
  It's like I don't want to leave just because we talk.
• 16:16
  We laugh. I get emotional most times just
• 16:20
  because I'm a emotional person anyway.
• 16:26
  No, but it's she creates that relationship where I know that
• 16:31
  when I go in there I can just exhale with 0 judgement, but
• 16:35
  she's also going to just like ask questions because there's
• 16:39
  total trust. So finding the right therapist,
• 16:44
  I think is important because if you feel good, you can chat
• 16:46
  about anything. This is from Augustine
• 16:52
  Burroughs. I don't even know who that is.
• 16:53
  But great quote, Think of your head as an unsafe neighborhood.
• 16:56
  Don't go there alone. Damn, that's funny.
• 17:00
  And I can relate to that. So I'm going to wrap this up,
• 17:10
  and this is a great one. OK, this is kind of what I've
• 17:17
  learned in therapy. Why It's freaking awesome is it
• 17:20
  teaches you how to actually feel your feelings.
• 17:22
  So this is a great one. We don't create our feelings.
• 17:26
  They simply come to us and we have to accept them.
• 17:28
  The trick is to welcome them. I would love to.
• 17:32
  I'm hoping guys. By the way, I have an interview,
• 17:35
  two interviews scheduled the next week.
• 17:37
  So there will be other people on this podcast.
• 17:40
  Yeah, telling their stories. But there's a couple people that
• 17:46
  I've learned from on various podcasts about like how to feel
• 17:48
  your feelings, and therapy teaches you that.
• 17:52
  So I'd love to have those guests come on and kind of explain
• 17:54
  that. But therapy is a safe place to
• 17:58
  feel. And then once you feel it, you
• 18:02
  talk about it and work through it.
• 18:04
  And I and it's I think having that professional person and
• 18:09
  that safe place to kind of just vent about whatever you're going
• 18:14
  through, I will be as bold to say that it will change your
• 18:19
  life. I mean, a year ago I was not in
• 18:23
  the best place and it is completely in combination with
• 18:28
  just family and friends, support and exercise.
• 18:31
  And you know, I love my job and like all sorts of things that
• 18:35
  are positive in my life, therapy's a big one.
• 18:39
  So I just want to say, you know, especially if you're going
• 18:44
  through adversity right now and you have access to therapy
• 18:49
  through your work or you go to, you know, all the various
• 18:52
  therapy, the online, better help, talkspace, headspace,
• 18:58
  there's all sorts of different ones that you can just download,
• 19:02
  do it. It's really worth it.
• 19:04
  Even just try a session and just feel like you got to get those
• 19:09
  feelings out. So I hope you found this
• 19:13
  enjoyable and informative and inspiring and I hope a little
• 19:17
  bit of my own journey is helpful to kind of just open up that
• 19:23
  conversation. That adversity is normal and
• 19:25
  therapy is normal and amazing. It is.
• 19:31
  Let's see, Thursday night I got to publish this because I said
• 19:34
  yesterday I was going to publish it and it's still today.
• 19:38
  So I got to get working. All right, Have a wonderful week
• 19:43
  and take care of yourself. And I hope that you get some
• 19:49
  therapy. Oh, man, I am a really a dork.
• 19:54
  All right, see ya. Bye.
• 19:56
  Bye.