Latest / The Reformed Tired Girls Club Podcast / This One's for You, Little Sis
Transcript
- Heather Copfer: So this podcast is all about, you know, the impacts that our health has on our lives. you know, I'm talking about mental health and emotions and all the complexities within that. And, and I was going back and forth on whether or not this was the appropriate platform to do this, if this was the right thing to do. then I decided, you know what? To hell with it, this is my podcast and I'll do whatever I want. So, Melissa, this episode is dedicated to you. So I lost someone who was very special to me and I'm having a really really hard time with it. And as I've talked before on this podcast, ⁓ so far I really do believe that talking openly about our struggles, it helps us and it helps others heal and feel less alone. And I'm really hoping that this is going to do that. So Melissa was, I've always referred to her as my little sister. Our parents were friends ⁓ before she was born. I'm like a year and a half older than Melissa or I was. But our parents were friends. And I don't know if they were friends before I was born, but they were friends before. ⁓ she was born, believe. So we have been in each other's lives ⁓ since we were little babies and toddlers. And it never felt right to call her my friend because it really did feel like she was the sister that I never had. And our relationship was very much so ⁓ sibling energy. It was unlike any other ⁓ relationship in my life. And my God, we have so many memories and so many pictures ⁓ together. You know, when we were younger, my mom actually, her job for a long period of time was being Melissa and her two younger siblings' nanny. So essentially I was with Melissa almost every day. And when we were kids, we did all of those fun things that kids like to do, whether it was teaching ourselves gymnastics. We loved to pile leaves in her yard and jump into leaves. We were obsessed with these huge Costco muffins. We loved eating macaroni. I actually burned macaroni one time because I forgot to put water. in the macaroni bowl and put it in the microwave. And so I burnt the noodles and we never forgot that. She was always at my birthdays. ⁓ She came to my soccer games. We would go quatting up north at her family's cabin. That was one of our favorite things to do was to go up north and go quatting. We loved playing Kingdom Hearts. ⁓ I introduced her to Kingdom Hearts because my brother loved Kingdom Hearts and I always wanted to do everything my brothers did and so naturally I became obsessed with Kingdom Hearts and then Melissa became obsessed with Kingdom Hearts and... We were just always talking about Kingdom Hearts and playing Kingdom Hearts from the time we were in elementary school until we were in our 20s, late 20s. We went to the same high school, but she was two grades below me. And I remember when she got her first boyfriend, I told him that if he hurt her, that I would kick his ass. I was just always very protective of her. I took my job as her big sister very seriously. I always wanted to set an example for her. I always wanted to be my best for her. So I never let her see ⁓ when I was struggling with my health issues, with my mental health, all of that stuff, because I always wanted to be strong for her. And you know, she was the second person that I ever ⁓ opened up to about my depression and my mental health struggles. ⁓ And not because I wanted to, but because she had come to me with some things that she was dealing with. And I wanted to let her know that... ⁓ I could relate and I thought that if I shared my experience with her that I could help her through it and know that she wasn't alone in it. And I really hope that helped her. You know, we were always there for each other at each other's graduations, whether it was high school and college. I know she was coming to my plays and performances. And as we got older, and you make new friends, and you continue reinventing yourself and evolving as a person, you know. We never grew apart. We were always, always texting. We just didn't always see each other very often. When we were in our twenties. And you know, I was going through a lot as I've shared on this podcast and sometimes it's hard to be there for people when you're just so wrapped up in your own shit. But I know we were still always constantly talking and, you know, hanging out when we could because I have 10 years worth of text messages and I can confirm. And even when I moved away from Arizona and I moved to New York, we were still always texting and I didn't get the chance to always see her every time I came back and visited because of, you know, her work schedule and whatever my schedule was when I was visiting. But I would visit her at work and bring her a Jamba Juice and if we had time, we would go out to dinner or lunch, There's this genetic disorder that runs on her mom's side of the family. It's called catasyl. And her mom passed away from it when we were kids. I remember saying goodbye to her mom. And I remember the day of her mom's funeral. And we were so young, so young. We were in elementary school, young. And I remember her walking up to me and telling me that I looked so beautiful. On the day of her mom's funeral, those little kids, she walked up to me and told me that I looked beautiful. ⁓ So this disorder, her mom passed from it. ⁓ Her aunt Jen also passed from it and Aunt Jen was awesome. We loved hanging out with her and she would take us to. you know, her apartment complex and we would go swimming and then she would take us to coals and we would save up all of her money to buy Evergirl clothes. We loved that clothing line. Her uncle Jimmy also passed away from this. He was such a character. We loved him so much. One of these... things that we used to do whenever we walked into a room that Uncle Jimmy was in, we'd be like, Jimmy, I'm home. And this animated, silly, loud ⁓ voice, and he just got such a kick out of it. But the thing with catasil, ⁓ of the symptoms that you get are ⁓ ⁓ a few years ago, ⁓ she got her first stroke. and I just knew that it wasn't going to be. And to be really, really honest, I did not know how to handle it. and I handled it pretty poorly. You know, I did what I could in the beginning ⁓ to help and to be there for her, but the past ⁓ few years, I just couldn't handle it selfishly. And I err on the side of avoidance whenever there's... ⁓ difficult situation or or Something hard going on I tend to avoid and ignore and I'm not Not proud of myself in the slightest And I just, I wasn't there for her in the way that she needed and deserved. And I really prided myself on being there for her our whole lives. And you know, when it really mattered most and she really needed it, I couldn't handle it. And honestly, I don't know if I will ever forgive myself for that. ⁓ Maybe in time, but... but I do know that I'm gonna try to be a better person. And that maybe, maybe instead of being so wrapped up in myself and my own problems, I should be of service to others and see how I could help others. know, love one and all of that. And that just because I don't wanna deal with a difficult situation doesn't mean that I can just avoid them and pretend that it doesn't exist because that's just gonna leave you with regret and a shit ton of guilt. You know, I don't really have anything for y'all to ponder or like a suggestion, you know, that I typically try to have at the end of these podcasts. I'm really just trying to grieve and process and find ways to honor her and talk about her and remember her. So if you're still here, thank you. for sticking around and tuning into this episode. I know it was a little bit of a different one, but I really ⁓ felt like ⁓ I should do this and I should dedicate an episode to Melissa and talking about her. So thank you and I will see you next week.