Latest / Inside The Consulting Room - Understanding the Child Behind the Behaviour
The avoidant parent and the violent child. Stop negotiating with the volcano!
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A child screams, threatens, breaks things, or lashes out and suddenly the whole household revolves around preventing the next blow-up. That can look like “a bad kid” from the outside, but I’m interested in the harder question: how did this child learn they have to create a crisis before anyone responds?
I walk through a common avoidant family pattern where a parent delays, dismisses, withdraws, or disappears emotionally until the child escalates. Over time, escalation becomes reinforced, and the parent’s retreat brings short-term relief that sets up an even bigger conflict…
The skinny
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