Latest / Powerful Stuff / POSTPARTY: Postpartum, Motherhood & Marriage- a Live Stand-Up Comedy Special

Transcript

POSTPARTY: Postpartum, Motherhood & Marriage- a Live Stand-Up Comedy Special · Powerful Stuff

• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: Make some noise if you're giving birth.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_01: Make some noise if you've been burned.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: Make some noise if you're going through a rebirth.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_01: Are there mamas in the house?
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: Hey mamas in divine timing.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to postparty.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_01: I'm so excited for you all to be here.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_01: I know that getting a postpartum parent out is arguably one of the most challenging demographics to get out on a Friday night.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_01: And you all did it.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_01: You're here.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_01: The baby is with a trusted caretaker or a father.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_01: So give yourself a round of applause.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_01: Woo! And for the fathers in the house tonight, make some noise.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_01: Our allies knowing what's up.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_01: Being here for all the postpartum jokes, never the butt of the jokes.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_01: We're always going to be laughing with you.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_01: It is a consensual experience.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm so excited for you all to be here today.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_01: I myself am seven months postpartum.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like in 20 years I'll still be like, Spencer, that's not fair.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_01: I'm 4,000 weeks postpartum.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_01: But it is one of my favorite excuses and badges of honor.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_01: And it's also my first Powerful Stuff Live back since having a baby.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_01: Atlas is with our nanny right now.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_01: Didn't check the nanit before because trusting he's having a very easeful bedtime, just drifting into Dreamland.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_01: But Powerful Stuff Live is created as a way to deepen connection with each other and ourselves through humor.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_01: Because I like to argue that self-amusement is actually an advanced form of self-awareness, is an advanced alchemy, and being able to have some humor through journeys of insane identity shifts like pregnancy and postpartum actually makes us feel less alone and actually helps us feel more empowered in our story.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_01: So more than anything, tonight, my hope is that all of you leave with a new insight, a new laugh, a new friend in the pregnancy or postpartum or pre-pregnancy world for the non-pregnant people in the audience.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_01: Be careful, pregnancy is contagious, so they say.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_01: So use protection tonight, metaphorically, or if you're going out after to Lexi said at OA.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_01: But how it'll work is we'll start with a little meditation.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_01: We'll go into some connection because I believe everyone at these events should have a voice, not just the people who are on stage with the microphones.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_01: So we'll we'll have our sets then after we'll have a moment to kind of co-create something together, and I will guide us through that.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so before we get started, let's just take a moment to ground, shall we?
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_01: I always joke semi-seriously that if we don't take our breaths or do our meditations, the Venice spiritual police will bust through the door and arrest us.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_01: So we'll go ahead and take a deep breath in, breathing in all of the fertile energy of tonight.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_01: Exhale, sending it throughout your body, through your womb, or the male genitalia equivalent into the earth.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_01: And then breathing in, releasing any anything you don't want to get bring into the night.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe it's feminine rage, anger toward your husband, your postpartum hairline, whatever it is, just releasing.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_01: And then third and deepest breath in, clenching and then unclenching any postpartum hemorrhoid that's still lingering.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_01: And just exhale, letting that shit go.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_01: Just taking a moment inward as you kind of reflect on your own journey.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_01: And if you haven't been pregnant, maybe it's through an identity shift.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_01: Or if you're a dad, maybe it's through the experience of going through this with your wife.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_01: But just your most recent metamorphosis and just noticing internally what shifted.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_01: Who were you before that catalyst moment?
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_01: And who are you on the other side?
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe you feel the energy differently and how you think about things.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe there's new liquids coming out of different parts of your body that you didn't know were possible.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_01: But whatever it is, starting to feel gratitude for that identity shift, for that rebirth, allowing it to root like a flower slowly blossoming, expanding out to the other people in this room, knowing that as your flower blossoms, so does the roots under you touch the person next to you, allowing their flower to blossom, helping all of us be each other's doulas in this new beautiful rebirth.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_01: Taking one more breath in, breathing in all of the energy, the collective power of tonight.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_01: Exhale, sending it out to everyone around you.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_01: Ah wow, Aleaky was holding space in the back, doing some boo breaky on you all.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_01: That is powerful stuff.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_01: So, okay, welcome to the post party.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_01: So, yay! I know, but we're still doing it before 10 p.m.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_01: because we all have babies or bedtimes or both.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but I call it the postparty because back in the day, you know, in a pre-baby life at 3 a.m., we were doing bumps, and now at 3 a.m.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_01: we're doing cumps.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: Um, except uh the the difference is now the white stuff is liquid.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_01: Um and I feel like all of postpartum and birth has been such a huge um identity shift for me, and birth was really the catalyst for all of it, and so being the ceremonial Venice folk that Spencer and I are, we're like, let's go to a coach ahead of birth to really get in alignment, get on the same team.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_01: So we went to this elusive Santa Monica coach who doesn't have an Instagram, he's just kind of word of mouth, and I was sharing with him, you know, I'm a little worried about the birth.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_01: I'm worried that Spencer is gonna show up in a way that leads me to resent him after.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_01: And Peter looks at Spencer and he looks at me and he goes, Well, look at him, he's an idiot.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_01: And Spencer and I are like, What?
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_01: I was like so confused that we both started laughing.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_01: And then Peter goes, and I'm an idiot, and all men are idiots, but he's your loyal idiot, and you have to allow for a margin of error in the birth.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_01: The birth is between you and the baby, he's your loyal idiot in the background, and I was like, Well, that is certainly an interesting perspective that I will that I will sit with.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_01: Um then a few weeks later, I was at a friend's house not very far from here when I lost my mucus plug at 9 p.m.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_01: in the toilet.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_01: And um, I came home and I told Spencer I think labor is starting, and he's like, I Child GPT told me it could be at least 72 hours.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_01: He's like, I think we should get a good night's rest.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_01: I could tell he really wanted to lock in on that aura score before our sleep patterns change forever.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_01: And so I labor alone for a little bit, but then I wake him up, I'm like, it's picking up.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_01: I really think tonight's the night, and all I crave right now is some harmless harvest coconut water.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_01: Those electrolytes just feel so refreshing to me, and I want them in my mouth.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_01: And so Spencer goes to the store and I continue laboring at home, things are picking up, and he comes back and he hands me the coconut water during a contraction or a surge, as they say in the hypno-birthing world, and um, and I taste it, and I'm like, this tastes a little sour.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_01: And I look at it and it's coconut milk.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_01: And in that moment, I want to take the coconut milk and hurl it at Spencer's face and be like, You had one fucking job.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_01: But then I remember Peter's voice in the background being like, he's your idiot.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, you know what?
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not gonna die on this hill.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna let this one go.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_01: We ended up having a very joyful birth, but I will say that he did step up in the postpartum and no coconut milk was lost.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_01: He did use it to make me hot chocolates postpartum, which I'm really grateful for.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_01: So thank you, Spencer, for that.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_01: All of that's to say though, I think the margin of error really helped us out a lot postpartum, or helped me out.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_01: Because are you really postpartum if you don't go from one minute adoring your husband to the next having a full body ache toward him, to the next going back to adoring him again?
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_01: So that was me.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_01: You know, one moment I was calculating the invisible labor, um, the pump times, why am I in charge of the wake windows?
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I leave the house, I come back.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_01: He told me he gave Atlas a bottle at two instead of three.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_01: Now he's uh gonna be too hungry for dinner time at seven, and the whole night is fucked.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_01: And then he's like, What?
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: I did what you asked, and I said, Not like that.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_01: Um then he'll walk in with my favorite air one smoothie, or give me a foot rub or make me a morning matcha, and all is forgiven.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_01: But to his credit, he did come with me to my six-week OBGYN appointment.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_01: Shout out to the dads here who have come to the appointments with the ladies.
• 9:41
  unknown: Woo!
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_01: She was checking everything out down there, and she's like, so the good news is you can start back with some light yoga.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_01: She's like, however, I would wait to have sex until the stitches finish dissolving, and I could see the hope leave Spencer's body.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_01: And I honestly feel like that was the hardest part of birth for Spencer, but you know, he did it like a champ, no epidural, completely unmedicated, so brave.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_01: I'm very proud of you.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_01: I know that wasn't easy.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_01: And it's funny because we truly are a team, though.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_01: Like we're both tracking Atlas' wake windows.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_01: When did he burp?
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_01: When did he poop?
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_01: Does he need a nap?
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_01: And it's funny because we're always using this litmus test of fussiness, um, of if Atlas is settling well, and I've never used the word fussy more in my life.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_01: And it gives you the vision of just holding a little baby lion that cries in your care.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_01: And the interesting thing is, why don't we do it for ourselves when we're being fussy parents?
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_01: Because I'll wake up after four hours of sleep, what I like to call actually a sleep progression, because I believe that here in LA we know words cast spells.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_01: It's not a regression, but a progression.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_01: Our sleep is maturing.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_01: But after this sleep progression, I'm snapping at Spencer and I'm spiraling, and I'm like, is this gonna be how it ends?
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_01: Over a dishwasher.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I guess that's that.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_01: And then it hits me.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_01: Little Meredith needs a fucking nap.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_01: And no one's tracking my wake windows.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_01: Little Meredith is a little fussy.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_01: And you know what?
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_01: I honestly also would like to be burped.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_01: And I would also like my booty padded, and I'd also like to be swaddled and told that I'm safe.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm constantly telling Atlas, you're safe, mommy's here, you're safe.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_01: And then why do I feel like I'm being chased by a lion?
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_01: Um, who's telling me I'm safe?
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it's like a little music.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, am I being hypocritical or in alignment for Atlas?
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_01: Should we start tracking our own naps on Huckleberry?
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe then it would give us our most optimal nap times and uh and fussiness.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_01: But I feel like my biggest word for postpartum has been permission.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_01: Um, who can relate?
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_01: Permission, permission to change my mind, permission to uh let motherhood look differently than I thought, permission to have more child care, permission to dial it back and have less childcare, just not letting anything be set in stone.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_01: And you know what?
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_01: We did actually with that give ourselves a lot of permission in our in our quest to find the perfect nanny.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm grateful that we Spencer and I have good help now.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_01: But all of that's to say, in this child care expedition, we also tried a nanny share.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_01: A few of you are in the audience tonight who we were exploring this possibility with.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_01: But I realized in LA, and nanny share is kind of like an orgy.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_01: Everyone talks about wanting to do it.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_02: But when push comes to shove and the calendars and logistics come out, uh, it becomes a lot less sexy than you think it would be.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_01: So that didn't work out.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_01: But um, but we did find our perfect nanny, and it it really helped me be able to relax and soften back into some of the professional pursuits that I was doing and allowed me to be here tonight.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_01: With that though, there was some different identity shifts I noticed even within pregnancy and into postpartum.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_01: And when I was pregnant, I honestly felt like a celebrity, and my friend Christy talked about this as well.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know if any of you got free coffees while you were pregnant, or you go to a class class, and they're like, Mama, you are amazing.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_02: And you're just like, Oh my gosh, am I like Taylor Swift?
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_01: And then you birth the baby and the bump disappears, and now no one no longer knows you're with the child.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_01: And I went back to Barry's boot camp four and a half months postpartum, and I went with my pregnant friend who's in the audience tonight, who's a very strong mama, by the way.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_01: But it was so funny because being on the other side of the portal, I was like, Wow, I'm back on the treadmill.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_01: I just pushed my son out of my vagina four and a half months ago.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_01: Can you believe it?
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_01: And the instructor like goes up to my pregnant friend, he's like, You're looking amazing, mama.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_02: And then, like, two minutes later, he comes up to me and he's like, This girl looks angry, right?
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_02: She has like a scowl on her face.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_02: And I wanted to be like, I just gave birth.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_01: Where's my gold star?
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but you know, the great thing is that when you're pregnant, you get it from everyone in the world, but then when you're postpartum, you're initiated into a very supportive crew of other postpartum women who know what's up and they help support you postpartum.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_01: Many of you did that for me here.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_01: And the other identity shift that happens postpartum is you kind of feel like when you're socializing again, you've been cracked open.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't know about you guys, but I was normal with my friends postpartum.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_01: But when I was meeting new friends, it almost felt like after COVID when you're learning how to interact again.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_01: And I went on a new friend date with these two girls, and um at the end of the workout, things were going well, and I hugged them each goodbye.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_01: You know, that could have been it, like clean exit, stick the land, and crushed it.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_01: And then something happened in me, like a full body glitch, and I turned back to the first girl and I go, one more hug for you.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_02: And then my mind is like freaking out because I'm like, well, I can't just give her one more hug.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_02: And so I turned to the other girl and I go, and one more for the road.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_02: And I like double hugged them both within the span of 20 seconds, and they both were just kind of startled, like, oh, okay.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, anyway, see you guys later.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_02: And I get in my car and I dude what any normal person would do, which is scream, is I immediately consult ChatGPT.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_02: And ChatGPT was like, Meredith, if the tables were turned, do you really think you would go home to your husband Spencer and be like, I just had the weirdest interaction.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_02: This girl double hugged me.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_02: And I thought about it and I was like, I probably fucking would.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_02: I'd be like, do we think she's okay?
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_02: Um I have seen one of those girls since, so I'm curious if uh they remember the double hug that I that I so deeply have etched in my brain.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_01: But with this identity shift, I'm lucky because I have had a great coach through it all.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_01: As a coach, it's important to have our own coach.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_01: And this coach has really been with me through the darkest of nights during the days.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes they trigger me, sometimes I don't like it, but they've really taught me how to surrender in this whole experience and more than anything have acceptance.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_01: They're they're actually in the audience with us tonight.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_01: I'd like for you guys to make some noise for my spectra.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_01: My greatest teacher.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_01: And um and the spectra has taught me more than anything that the more you stress, actually, the the less milk comes out.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_01: And uh the more you the more you want the ounces to flow, the less they will.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_01: And you really can't be attached to outcome because similar to an orgasm, oxytocin makes the milk flow.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_01: So you have to actually let go to let down, or turn down for what, as uh that rapper whose name I forget says.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_01: So it allowed me to really like let go to let down, and and just sometimes let the milk flow, sometimes not.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_01: But I realized that my my boobs were kind of being like my shadows, like the first part of the postpartum journey, the milk was coming out so fast, it was choking my son.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, You guys are being psychotic, you need to stop.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_01: This is crazy.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_01: And then now I'm like, the right boob is carrying the whole team, like step it up, you know.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_01: But then I end up coming back to grace for them like I would my own inner child, and I do what any Venice woman would do, and I go to each boob and I say, I love you, I'm sorry, please forgive me.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_01: And to the other one, I love you, I'm sorry, please forgive me.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, for all you pregnant women, hopefully this is helpful in your lactation journey.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_01: Because the oxytocin helps the milk flow, the lactation consultants oftentimes tell you to look at photos of your baby, because looking at photos of your baby triggers the letdown if you're pumping, if you're away from your baby.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_01: And so I like to kind of call it lactation porn because I'll just be in a dark room being like, show me the photo of my cute baby again, and then the milk just like starts flowing.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_01: Um all of that's to say, with that, it's been a constant journey of surrender and of growth.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_01: And something that I've been practicing in this postpartum journey is uh gentle parenting.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_01: Does anyone else dental parent here?
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_01: Not yet.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, some head nods.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_01: So I've I've been dental parenting um with Spencer, and uh, once you learn the framework, you can't unsee it.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_01: He's like, he's crying, so I tried to give him a bottle.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, right after his meal time, sweetheart, do we check for other reasons?
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_01: Did we go through the checklist?
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_01: Was it diapers?
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_01: Was it gas?
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_01: Was he overstimulated?
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_01: We don't just throw a bottle at every feeling.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_01: Um and honestly, you know, I gentle parent myself too.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_01: Um, big feelings are okay.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_01: My husband is learning.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_01: My husband is not giving me a hard time.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_01: My husband is having a hard time.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_01: But I'm also very focused on secure attachment with Atlas.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_01: I'll let him know like mommy's back, mommy's not abandoning you, mommy just went to Pilates.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_01: It's more just for me keeping little Meredith secure in the end.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_01: But what's made all of this bearable is going through it with community.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_01: You instantly meet other pregnant or postpartum's, hopefully, like all of you have met with each other today.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_01: And by the end of the coffee, you know about each other.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, a little bit.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_01: And if all of our movements think we all an out of birth thing well, maybe we would have an all of that today, you know.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_01: So we meet other moms, and instantly we know about each other's marriages or the thing that your husband does that makes you want to disappear and start making our consulty or loving women.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_01: Meanwhile, if Hunter goes to another house of another man whose wife I know who's also postpartum, he'll come back and I'll be like, What are you gonna talk about?
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_01: And he's like, not much.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, Well, you know, how how is he doing with the new baby?
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_01: And he's like, Oh, it didn't really come up.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_01: And then I'm like, Well, what did you talk about?
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_01: And he's like, Well, we just kind of played video games and showed each other our But you know what?
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_01: Who am I to say that either form of healing is different?
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_01: Women process through talking and men process through systems.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes that's equally important.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_01: It's their own catharsis.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_01: But everybody's healing, and that's the most important thing.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_01: Our husbands in our postpartum journey and our postpartum journey in general can keep us humble, but babies also have a way of keeping us very humble.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_01: The second that somebody gives a slightly cocky answer of like, oh yeah, my baby sleeps through the night, the baby gods will come down and fuck it all up.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_01: So you can think it and you can quietly appreciate it in your heart or in a locked room, or you can just bottle it up in a little glass bottle and put a cork in it and throw it in the ocean.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_01: But if you say it out loud, you actually have summoned them.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_01: I told my sister two months ago, who's in the audience tonight, two months ago, I said, sure, come stay with us.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_01: You can sleep in Atlas' room.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_01: He sleeps through the night.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_01: He might wake up for a second to like babble, but he'll just like be linking his sleep cycles.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's totally fine.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_01: Enjoy yourself.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_01: And so she gets in the room, and the next morning, because I slept great, I'm like, how was it?
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_01: And she was like, Well, he woke up at 3:30 a.m.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_01: and I did what you said, and I didn't disturb him because it sounded like he was babbling, but then he babbled for an hour and turned until it turned into a full-blown crying.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_01: So I checked his diaper and it turned out he pooped himself.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Whoa, he hasn't done that since he was a newborn.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_01: That's crazy.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, that is a total fluke.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_01: And then it's like the baby gods heard that again, and the next night he as well woke up at 3:30 and started babbling, and she's like, Well, she British said it was a fluke, so I won't do anything.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_01: And then it turned out he pooped himself again.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_01: So, well, see what the baby gods do.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_01: Karen already last night handled a night wake with Atlas being here a second time, probably because I put this joke in my stand-up.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but I like to say the quickest way to change your baby schedule is to tell people your baby finally has a schedule.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and similar story to a leaky here.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_01: I was just kind of feeling myself on this side of postpartum a few months in, and then I just had a week where my milk supply was collapsing, my marriage in that moment felt like it was collapsing, and I felt really behind on everything.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, Wow, postpartum is really doing me a doozy this week.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I go to the bathroom and I pulled on my underwear, and I see that first drop of blood, and I was like, Oh my gosh, I'm so relieved.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not just postpartum now, it's also luteal.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_01: Turns out I'm not crazy, I'm just in my luteal phase.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_01: And this was both a relief and a reminder that this now also comes back every month.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_01: Because for two years I've had a trump card with my husband for everything, as Spencer can tell you.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_01: The first one was I'm pregnant, and the second one was I'm postpartum.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_01: Now, six months later, I'm putting my favorite classic back in rotation, which is I'm Ludeal.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_01: And we talk about our cycles with the girls, we all know each other's cycles.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, if men talked like this to each other, they would finally realize we're not crazy, we're just postpartum or pregnant or luteal or women in general.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but all of that's to say, you know, postpartum, we do go through the single most hormone drop of our entire life, which is bigger than pute puberty, in 72 hours.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_01: And so I feel like we should get a little grace because even at our most hormonal, the worst we usually do is cry in the car or the room or send an angry text or tell our husbands we should chat about the house or mount the bookshelf, cough, cough before the baby starts crawling.
• 26:09
  SPEAKER_01: But that's why men need each other to hold space for each other because when they come to us, it's hard for us.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_01: I do know that Spencer does a lot, and I love taking care of him when he's sick, as I know he does the same for me.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_01: And it's always a dance of parenting each other's inner children because we're like step parents for each other's inner children.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_01: So I always try to remember that.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know, postpartum has been learning to love something that I can never fully control, like my baby or my boobs, or the sleep, or the marriage, and somewhere learning to love someone you can never fully control either, which isn't just your baby, but also the person that you're becoming.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_01: Matrescence is a word that I love.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_01: They say it's like reforming your identity to be even more you within and beyond being a mom.
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_01: And as anything newly formed, the foundations do get shaken.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_01: Things must be shed, old identities, old hairlines to rebuild something brand new.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_01: So I spend all day making sure Atlas feels safe, that he feels held or burped, congratulating him for taking a big poop.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_01: I try to do that with all my friends too.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_01: Regular bowel movements are so important.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_01: But this whole journey has reminded me to do the same for little Meredith: like tracking her wake windows, allowing for her margin of error, letting her be slow or letting her double hug.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_01: And if any of you want a double hug after the experience magic later, just let me know.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_01: And turns out I didn't just birth a baby through many cycles of ick and adoration and late night pumps.
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_01: I became my own secure attachment.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_01: And now we'll have our own post party after this.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_01: Um, clothing optional BYOB.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_01: Bring your own boob.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you guys.
• 27:49
  unknown: Woo!
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_00: Hey you.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for coming on this powerful journey with me.
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_00: I hope it was as powerful for you as it was for me.
• 28:13
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• 28:23
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• 28:26
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• 28:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I look forward to seeing you next week for more powerful stuff.