Latest / Overwhelmed Working Woman: Boost Productivity, Master Time Management, Overcome Overwhelm & Stop People Pleasing / #220| How an Atlas of the Heart Helps Us Navigate Our Emotions
Transcript
- 0:00Michelle Gauthier: Emotions aren't good or bad.
- 0:02Michelle Gauthier: They're just information.
- 0:08Michelle Gauthier: You're listening to Overwhelmed Working Woman, the podcast that helps you be more calm and more productive by doing less.
- 0:16Michelle Gauthier: I'm your host, Michelle Gauthier, a former Overwhelmed Working Woman and current life coach.
- 0:21Michelle Gauthier: On this show, we unpack the stress and pressure that today's Working Woman experiences.
- 0:26Michelle Gauthier: And in each episode, you'll get a strategy to bring more calm, ease, and relaxation to your life.
- 0:35Michelle Gauthier: Hi, friend.
- 0:37Michelle Gauthier: Today we are going to be doing a Thursday book review about the book Atlas of the Heart by Brene Brown.
- 0:44Michelle Gauthier: As a reminder, the reason why I sometimes do these episodes where I review a self-help book is because I read lots of them and I love them.
- 0:52Michelle Gauthier: But I know not everyone has the time or desire to read a whole book.
- 0:55Michelle Gauthier: So what I aim to do in these is give you an overview of the book and give you what I think are the most pertinent parts of the book so that you can either take that and never read the book or think, oh wow, I want to know more about that and get the book yourself.
- 1:08Michelle Gauthier: So if you're already a Brene Brown fan, today's book might be on your list.
- 1:12Michelle Gauthier: But if you have not read Atlas of the Heart yet, I think you'll walk away from this episode with a few new ways to think about your feelings and your emotions.
- 1:20Michelle Gauthier: Even if feeling your feelings isn't your favorite thing.
- 1:22Michelle Gauthier: Used to be my least favorite thing in the whole wide world.
- 1:24Michelle Gauthier: So if that's the case for you, I totally understand.
- 1:27Michelle Gauthier: I'm holding my copy of The Atlas of the Heart in my hands right now.
- 1:31Michelle Gauthier: It is really a beautiful book.
- 1:33Michelle Gauthier: It has beautiful art on the front.
- 1:34Michelle Gauthier: And my copy has, I'm looking here, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten bookmarks.
- 1:41Michelle Gauthier: One of them being a Kleenex, unused Kleenex, I'm happy to report, but I don't know, maybe I was doing some crying when I was reading this last time.
- 1:48Michelle Gauthier: But when I go to do these book reviews and I get out my copy of the book, I always love seeing all the things I've commented on and highlighted.
- 1:55Michelle Gauthier: So I'm gonna tell you today the three things that I really got out of this book.
- 2:00Michelle Gauthier: Number one is the difference between stress and overwhelm.
- 2:03Michelle Gauthier: This has been really influential in my coaching, and I will tell you why.
- 2:07Michelle Gauthier: Number two is that emotions aren't good or bad, they're just information.
- 2:12Michelle Gauthier: And then number three, why being with someone in their pain, whatever emotions they're having, is powerful.
- 2:18Michelle Gauthier: Okay, so let's talk about why this book even exists.
- 2:21Michelle Gauthier: Brene's big message in this book is that the language to talk about and understand our emotions and our feelings gives us power.
- 2:30Michelle Gauthier: So we can name what we're feeling, not to just say I'm fine or I'm stressed, but actually identify what is happening inside us.
- 2:38Michelle Gauthier: We have more power to be able to move through it, to connect with other people, and to take care of ourselves.
- 2:43Michelle Gauthier: She says in the book that most people are able to name and identify three emotions: happy, sad, and angry.
- 2:49Michelle Gauthier: That makes me think of the first inside out movie.
- 2:51Michelle Gauthier: Happy, sad, and angry.
- 2:53Michelle Gauthier: We're like three of the main characters.
- 2:54Michelle Gauthier: But there are so many more.
- 2:56Michelle Gauthier: This book actually has 87 emotions and human experiences and helps us understand what they really mean and how they show up in our lives.
- 3:03Michelle Gauthier: Okay, so let's start by talking about the difference between stress and overwhelm.
- 3:08Michelle Gauthier: Stress means we feel under pressure, but we still believe we can manage it.
- 3:12Michelle Gauthier: It might be a lot, but we're still functioning.
- 3:14Michelle Gauthier: So sometimes a stressful day where you have a lot going on and you get it all done can feel good, it can be even a little bit motivating.
- 3:21Michelle Gauthier: Overwhelm, on the other hand, is when it's all too much.
- 3:24Michelle Gauthier: I'm going to read you a direct quote of what she says in the book.
- 3:27Michelle Gauthier: Overwhelmed means an extreme level of stress, an emotional and or cognitive intensity to the point of being unable to function.
- 3:36Michelle Gauthier: I think that is so profound and interesting because when I talk to people, because of course we slow down in coaching sessions and we really talk about how do you feel when you're overwhelmed.
- 3:47Michelle Gauthier: Most of the time, what people say is they can't do anything.
- 3:50Michelle Gauthier: So you're completely mentally, emotionally, physically shut down when you're in total overwhelm.
- 3:55Michelle Gauthier: Clear thinking does not happen when you're in overwhelm.
- 3:57Michelle Gauthier: Where stress, yes, there's pressure, but you can still manage things.
- 4:01Michelle Gauthier: This one was a really big game changer for me.
- 4:04Michelle Gauthier: And I think it's really important for us as women, overwhelmed working women, that when we are overwhelmed, we can say, I'm feeling overwhelmed, and that can disrupt the cycle and give your nervous system just a minute to breathe.
- 4:16Michelle Gauthier: In that feeling of overwhelm, for me, it almost feels like a spinning or something that you can say, Oh, okay, I know what's going on.
- 4:22Michelle Gauthier: I'm overwhelmed.
- 4:23Michelle Gauthier: It can disrupt that cycle and give your nervous system just a second to breathe.
- 4:27Michelle Gauthier: The cure to overwhelm, per Brene in this book is not more doing.
- 4:33Michelle Gauthier: So something I say in my coaching a lot is overwhelm is a volume problem.
- 4:38Michelle Gauthier: And so doing more, adding more volume is not the way out of overwhelm.
- 4:44Michelle Gauthier: Sometimes you just need to step away, even just for a minute.
- 4:47Michelle Gauthier: I don't mean if you get overwhelmed at work, you just pack it up and go home for the day.
- 4:50Michelle Gauthier: That'd be nice, but it's probably not an option most of the time.
- 4:54Michelle Gauthier: But that's when you need to step away from the computer, go walk around the office, just go sit in your car and take some deep breaths.
- 5:00Michelle Gauthier: The other good reminder about overwhelm versus stress is that our body will often tell us which one we're feeling, and they often feel different in our body.
- 5:08Michelle Gauthier: So stress for me feels like a light overwhelm, just maybe a little bit of tightness in the chest, but nothing too serious.
- 5:16Michelle Gauthier: But overwhelm feels like a tight chest and a fuzzy brain and a really short fuse, and everybody gets on my nerves.
- 5:23Michelle Gauthier: So it's really helpful actually when our body tells us before we consciously realize that we're in overwhelm.
- 5:28Michelle Gauthier: The other part that I love about this book is the whole concept that emotions are not good or bad.
- 5:34Michelle Gauthier: They're just information.
- 5:35Michelle Gauthier: So we tend to judge emotions like shame is bad and joy is good.
- 5:41Michelle Gauthier: But Brene invites us to look at all emotions as neutral messengers.
- 5:45Michelle Gauthier: So they're just neutral, trying to tell us something.
- 5:49Michelle Gauthier: And we don't have to love the emotion, but it's still important that we listen to it.
- 5:54Michelle Gauthier: For example, if you feel guilt, it might mean that you acted out of alignment with yourself.
- 5:59Michelle Gauthier: If you feel envy, it might show you something that you value or something that you wish you had.
- 6:05Michelle Gauthier: And it's just all information that we can take in.
- 6:08Michelle Gauthier: When you're able to name your emotion, when you say, I'm feeling resentful instead of I'm fine, it really gives your brain something to work with and it lowers your emotional intensity when you understand how you're feeling.
- 6:20Michelle Gauthier: Another thing that stood out to me is that suppressing emotions doesn't make them go away.
- 6:25Michelle Gauthier: Suppressing emotions doesn't make them go away.
- 6:29Michelle Gauthier: Dang it, because I sure did try on that one, but I'll I'm the first one to tell you it doesn't work.
- 6:34Michelle Gauthier: What normally happens when you continue to suppress your emotions is that it comes out in another way in your bodies or in your relationship or in the middle of target when you have a complete breakdown or freak out on your kids.
- 6:46Michelle Gauthier: So when you feel an emotion, the best thing to do, even though when I tell my clients this, they're always like, Really?
- 6:52Michelle Gauthier: I don't want to do that, is just to allow that feeling.
- 6:55Michelle Gauthier: Name it, allow it, see how it feels, see how it feels in your body.
- 6:59Michelle Gauthier: And I promise you, I've done whole episodes on this in two minutes or less, that feeling will have passed and you will be okay.
- 7:06Michelle Gauthier: Another great reminder about feelings is that you can feel two feelings at once.
- 7:09Michelle Gauthier: So this is a beautiful thing about being human.
- 7:11Michelle Gauthier: We can hold two opposing thoughts, two opposing feelings at the same time.
- 7:15Michelle Gauthier: So you can feel relieved and sad, and you can feel grateful and resentful.
- 7:23Michelle Gauthier: And I think that's really helpful for us to know because sometimes we do, in many situations, have conflicting feelings and we can feel those both at the same time, and that's okay.
- 7:32Michelle Gauthier: They're both valid.
- 7:34Michelle Gauthier: The goal here isn't to feel good all the time.
- 7:36Michelle Gauthier: The goal of her Brene Brown is to feel fully, and that's where connection really truly happens.
- 7:43Michelle Gauthier: One thing that I love that she talks about, it's actually not in this book, it's in another one of her books.
- 7:47Michelle Gauthier: But she says when you flatten your emotions and don't allow emotions like sadness or anger or frustration or resentment to come out, and let's say you express those at the one out of 10, then you can also not feel a high level of joy, presence, peace, all these other emotions that we would much more enjoy feeling.
- 8:11Michelle Gauthier: So she says if you flatten your emotions, you flatten all of them, not just the bad ones.
- 8:17Michelle Gauthier: So that helps me when I'm feeling sad and I really lean into my sad to know that I'm giving myself the ability to feel all of my emotions very deeply.
- 8:25Michelle Gauthier: The ones that we often perceive as good, the ones that we often perceive as bad.
- 8:29Michelle Gauthier: And then the last thing, I could talk about this book forever, but the last thing is that being with someone in their pain or whatever emotions they're having is powerful.
- 8:38Michelle Gauthier: A lot of times, if someone opens up to us, it can feel a little panicky to try to handle the situation correctly.
- 8:45Michelle Gauthier: But just sitting with someone and saying that sounds so hard, or I see you're really sad, I totally understand that you're sad, just really naming their emotions with them as they're telling you about it is a great display of empathy and it takes the onus off you to try to fix anything.
- 9:03Michelle Gauthier: So if someone, your kids, your spouse, someone on your team starts to tell you how they feel about something, remember that just being with someone in their emotions can be really powerful for connections.
- 9:14Michelle Gauthier: So this is a great book if you want a better relationship with yourself.
- 9:18Michelle Gauthier: If you've ever said, I don't even know what I'm feeling right now, or you're raising kids or managing teams or just trying to be a little emotionally aware.
- 9:27Michelle Gauthier: This book isn't a quick read, it's more almost like a textbook about emotions.
- 9:32Michelle Gauthier: So it's the kind that you might want to read a little bit and then put it down and then read a little bit more and put it down.
- 9:37Michelle Gauthier: But it's a great one to flip open if you're having a hard day and you want to figure out what your feeling actually is.
- 9:42Michelle Gauthier: I highly recommend it.
- 9:44Michelle Gauthier: Okay, that's it for this week.
- 9:46Michelle Gauthier: Thanks so much for listening.
- 9:48Michelle Gauthier: Hey, if you're a new listener or even an old listener who just hasn't done this yet, would you please take a minute and do a rating and review?
- 9:55Michelle Gauthier: The rating is where you just click the stars.
- 9:57Michelle Gauthier: That one takes two seconds.
- 9:58Michelle Gauthier: But if you take an extra minute and do a review and write what you love about this podcast, I would be so grateful.
- 10:04Michelle Gauthier: As we continue to get more and more reviews, we continue to climb higher and higher in the rankings and get more listeners.
- 10:13Michelle Gauthier: And that is my whole goal for this year is to get into the top 1%.
- 10:17Michelle Gauthier: Right now we're top 1.5%.
- 10:18Michelle Gauthier: So I want to get into the top 1% of podcasts globally and reach as many women as possible so that everyone can get totally free information about how to feel less stressed and overwhelmed.
- 10:30Michelle Gauthier: So if you would take a minute and do that for me today, I would so appreciate it.
- 10:34Michelle Gauthier: Have a great week.
- 10:40Michelle Gauthier: Thank you for listening to the Overwhelmed Working Women podcast.
- 10:43Michelle Gauthier: If you want to learn more about my work, head over to my website at MichelleGauthier.com.
- 10:49Michelle Gauthier: See you next week.