Latest / Healthy, Period. / Ep 30: SOP to Live the Life You Actually Want

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Ep 30: SOP to Live the Life You Actually Want · Healthy, Period.

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, hey, welcome back to the Healthy Period podcast.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: And to today's episode, we're not talking about hormones at all today.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: We're not talking about physical health at all today.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: Today's episode, I want to share that I've been living the life that I used to dream about.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: And today I'm going to give you the entire SOP to how that's happening.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: Because I still have big freaking goals.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not going to stop.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: It's a project in motion for me.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I know what works.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm a big fan of don't fix what isn't broken.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: So today, instead of talking about hormones and physical health and things that you can do practically to change your physical health, I'm a big believer that there is a mental component to this thing.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: You cannot have the physical health that you are after without changing who you are as a person, without changing your lifestyle, without changing your habits, right?
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: You cannot heal in the same environment that got you sick.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not talking about getting rid of all the toxins in your household.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not talking about filtering your water.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not talking about doing a mold remediation in your house.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm literally talking about your environment, the mental environment that you are in, the standards you hold for yourself, the relationships you hold, this, the values you have.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: If you cannot heal in the same environment that got you sick, so your standards, your expectations, your relationships, like the way that you hold yourself and care yourself needs to change.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm giving you an entire SOP on how I'm actually living the life that I used to dream about.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: That is what we're doing today.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: The first thing that I want to get out of the way, though, before we jump in, is the idea of consistency.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: So when I'm talking to women, most of the time I hear something along the lines of, I just have to be more consistent.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: But what I really hear is I'm not perfect, and I have to be perfect to be worthy of the results.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: And honestly, what the heck is that?
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: Last time I checked, I'm a human.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: And do you know what human is perfect?
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: In my face, it just Jesus.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: So, like, I'm never going to be perfect and it doesn't exist.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: But what I can do is never miss twice.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: Missed the gym today, don't miss it tomorrow.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: Did you overindulge one meal with the girls today?
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: Make a solid choice for your next meal.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: You didn't get up at your morning alarm today, so get up tomorrow.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's not falling off track if you bounce back fast.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: Where people screw up is when they think their worthiness is in the current moment's actions, and then they spiral and keep making choices that don't align with their goals because you've taught yourself that you don't trust yourself.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: In your head, you're telling yourself that you always missed the mark.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: When it could look like, okay, something didn't go to plan, cool, move the frick on, make a better choice next time.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: It's really not that serious.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: But your goals are that serious.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: So you better not miss twice.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: Once you hold yourself to that standard, you will not miss twice.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: What you want in the moment will not have control over you.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: But your devotion to the goal will surpass your fleeting desire in the moment.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: Once you realize that there will always be a little devil on your shoulder telling you that you're too tired, it's been a long day, the alarm is set too early, just have one cookie, one drink won't kill you.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: Those thoughts will always be there.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: But when you learn that those are just thoughts, that you are just the observer of your thoughts, you can actually tell that little devil to shut up and make choices that align with the version of you that you want to be.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: Because the woman you want to be is made in the small actions that you take each day.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: The version of you that you wish to be, the only reason you are not there yet is because you have not held yourself to the standard that that woman holds herself to.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: The woman you're becoming starts with you today, making decisions based on the version of you that you want to be.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's intentional behaviors.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: So there are three main pillars: personal and relationships, work and business, and self that build the life that you want to have.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: And when we know these pillars and the values that we have in each one of them, then it is easier to make decisions every single day that align with that vision.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: But you need to know what your your values are, your standards, because you can't hold a standard if you do not have them.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: So today I want to focus on the self pillar because if you can follow this SOP for self, then the SOP for relationships and business or work just follow suit.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: You need to be steadfast in who you are, your values, and how you show up in the world before you can hold a standard in relationships and in the workplace.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: So let's go through this SOP.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, to have true freedom in your life, you have to stop being a slave to your emotions.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: Emotions are fleeting.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: They last 90 seconds.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: If you ever think that it's freedom to make decisions based on how you feel, girl, you have literally missed the mark, you have gotten it backwards, you've never actually done anything hard that is worth the discipline and the long-term gratification.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: You need big goals, big, scary goals, where you need to be disciplined for a season.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: You need to hold boundaries and standards for yourself.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: This is going to teach you that your emotions either have control over you or they don't.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: And honestly, they shouldn't.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: You shouldn't have huge outbursts of emotion.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: You should be able to name the emotion, ask yourself where it's coming from.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you ask whose voice do you hear?
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: Who's telling you that you should feel that way?
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: You need to ask yourself, is my reaction to this thing match the actual impact of this thing?
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: So here's a cheesy example.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: But I clean my house on Sundays because Mike just isn't home.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: He works and it's the perfect day to just jam to my music and clean my house the way I want it cleaned.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: But sometimes I need help with this and I'll ask him for help.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: But if he vacuums quote unquote wrong, did he actually vacuum wrong?
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: Or am I just nitpicking a situation that shouldn't be nitpicked?
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: If he can do something at 90% the way that I can do something, and I need some help or support, I'm not gonna get mad over the 10%.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: That emotional reaction does not match the situation.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, number two, if no one's dying, it's not that serious.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: This one rocked my world when I was in Colorado two weeks ago.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: And as women, we hold so much and we're mad, surprised, angry when something gives.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: But honestly, if the dishes don't get done tonight because you chose to connect with your husband, it's actually okay.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: If the kids' outfits don't match perfectly for church, who cares?
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: Who dies if you take an extra five minutes to yourself each day to just sit and brain dump your thoughts?
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: No one.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: So this statement of if no one's dying, it is not that serious, has literally changed how I show up and how I complete tasks and what is on my to-do list.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: And am I mad if things don't get done?
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: No, because nobody died.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: It is fine.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: Number three, your calendar tells me what you value.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: For example, my values are connection with my husband, moving my body, and being present in the moment.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: So my calendar needs to reflect those things.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: On Mondays, Mike and I work out together.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: There are three to four other workouts during the week.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: Some are with my girlfriends, some I sneak in on my own based on my client load that week.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: But Mondays at 5 p.m., I meet my husband at the gym and we train together.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: Connection with my husband.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: Almost every morning we have coffee together on our front porch.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: We love hiking together with our dog.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: I cook dinner for us every night.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: To be honest, we shower together almost every single night.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: This is important.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: We slow down enough to have true, intimate connection.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not always sex.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: I would love it to be all of the time, but sometimes it's not always sex.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it literally is just having coffee together on the porch every morning, or just slowing down and having dinner without our cell phones at night.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: And being present in the moment.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: There is intentionally slow time in my calendar.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: My Bible time, going for walks, coffee dates with my girlfriends.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: My camera roll is actually filled with the same view on this trail that we run at Run Club every week because I am in awe of how incredible God is.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: And it's the same view every week, but it isn't.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: The photo looks different each time I take it.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: Every time we run there, which is every single week, my girlfriends will hear me say, every time I'm here, I'm just reminded of how amazing God is.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: So here's the SOP for this for your calendar.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, you have to know your values.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't know your values, we need to workshop that.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: Number two, I want you to look at your calendar on Sunday.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: When are your workouts happening for the week?
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: I have two that are standing every single week, but the two to three other workouts need to be scheduled around what the week looks like for me.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: I also figure out when the meat is coming out of the freezer, what nights I have to cook or cook for multiple days because maybe something's going on in an evening.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing surprises me during the week because I already have an idea of what's going on on Sunday.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: And then I look at my calendar again on Thursday.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: That's when I schedule my grocery pickup order.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: I look back at the week.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: What workouts did I skip?
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: Do I have to schedule them for Friday or Saturday?
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: I also make sure every weekend there's a few-hour window that Mike and I spend together: hiking, a day date, a soul morning, whatever it is.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I also really value the work that I do.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: So I have time to put thought into podcast episodes when I'm reading and when I'm learning.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: My calendar is time blocked for this because these things don't just happen.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: I have to be very intentional about my time that I spend here.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: Number four, the result you're looking for is on the other side of the work that you've been avoiding.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: When I first heard this one, it hit me so hard and rocked me to my core.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's one thing to wish for a result, to pray hard for it.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: If you're one of my church friends, you've definitely heard me say you have to participate in your prayer.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a big believer that most often God shows up through action.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: He gives me the vision, and the answer to my prayer is through something he's asked me to do that I have not done yet.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: The result that I want is on the other side of the suck.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: So, for example, I hate tracking macros.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: I have a history of disordered eating.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: I had tracked for so long, it was definitely a crutch, but I have not tracked in years at this point.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm in a current season of wanting my body to reflect the level of excellence I hold in every area of my life.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: And my fitness has just been a checkbox for the last year or so.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I haven't really challenged myself in the gym.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: I haven't progressed the weights like I've been using, and I absolutely held the excuse that Mike and I just have so much going on.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: So it's just okay and fine to check the box.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: But honestly, it is not fine.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: I hold a value of excellence, and I have not held that in my fitness for the last year.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: In my marriage, in my business, excellence is there, but in my fitness, it has not been.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: So in order to get what I actually want, I have to embrace the suck of tracking macros in this season.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have to do it forever.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: But if I actually do it, then I will get the result that I want faster.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I love getting what I want faster.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: So I've been avoiding macro tracking for years now, and I'm not getting the result that I want.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: I had a hard conversation with myself about it, and now I've stopped avoiding the work, and guess what?
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: I already feel better, more confident, more energetic.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not having extra bites or a handful of chocolate in the evening, and all I had to do was stop avoiding the work.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: Look at that.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: Number five, work hard, recover harder.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: You can only hold as much as your recovery.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: You can only hold as much as you recover.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: If you want more out of your performance, your abilities, you want to take on more things, you have to recover harder.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: Your capacity might be small because you literally have your pedal to the metal.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: And guess what happens when you do that in a real car?
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: It breaks, it burns out.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: So if you take your foot off the gas for a hot suck it, it's not because you're lazy, it's it's literal strategy.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: There are seasons of sprinting.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: Mike and I have been in one for the last few months, and let me tell you, the light at the end of the tunnel is right here, and I have never been more excited to stop freaking sprinting.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: This entire time I have doubled down on my recovery.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: Sleep has been the first thing that I prioritize every single day.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: My nutrition has not wavered.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: I am fed and I'm not running on fumes.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: I fill my cup, I run with my girls, I go to church with my friends, I go on coffee dates, I hit the sauna.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: I gave myself the space to go to Colorado for a retre for a retreat with some incredible women, and that alone was enough time off the gas to come home and sprint to the end of this project.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: Now, those are the big ones, and I want to give you some extra ones, some other things that are non-negotiables for me that will totally help you live the life you've always wanted.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, go for a freaking walk.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: Brain fog, fatigue, mentally not in it, get off your phone and go for a walk.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_00: Number two, earn your freaking dopamine.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: Again, get off your phone, do something hard.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: Cold plunge, sauna, extreme temperature exposure will actually help your body to adapt to stress.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_00: The goal isn't get rid of all stress.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: The goal is your body being resilient enough to handle stress.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: So stop being soft and go do something hard.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: Number three, be sober always.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: When I gave up alcohol, I didn't know it would be a forever thing.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: But when I realized just how good I felt, how good life was without it, I never want it back.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so some people think I'm a loser.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: Am I actually a loser?
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: Or are losers projecting their loser energy onto me?
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_00: Number four, go see a sunrise, hike to the top of a mountain, get up and go for a run or a walk with your friends.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: Get yourself in nature.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_00: Number five, stay in awe of how big God is.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: Be in his word, take time to spend in his presence, go find him.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: Your life will completely change when you are not the hero in your own story.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: When you realize that there is purpose for your life, that he is bigger than all things, that he created you with pure intentionality.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: Everything else just isn't that serious.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: And number six, I said it before and I'll say it again, don't miss twice.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_00: You missed the gym yesterday, you need to go today.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: You skipped breakfast today, breakfast is a must-have tomorrow.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: You treated someone poorly today, apologize and treat them better tomorrow.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know, man, it's just not that serious.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_00: What happened happened.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: You can only control your next action at this point.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: Just don't miss twice.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: So there you have it.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_00: The SOP that I try to live my life by in 16 minutes.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I just love you all too much to not give it to you.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: So I hope this helps, and I'll see you on the next pod.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: Bye.